Faith – Chapter 12

The Shadow Isles defied expectation. I'd imagined endless night, and the clammy, cold air of a newly dug autumn grave. The sun rises just like anywhere else, bathing the dry, broken trees in fossil grey. Breathing is difficult, every lungful shorn of moisture. My hands are like weather-blasted outcroppings, with deep lines bleeding sand.

Am I now cursed? Is this undeath?

No, my response to a limber Quinn, bouncing from calf to calf in joyful indulgence of her body, confirms I'm very much alive.

While most of us are fading, Volibear and Quinn are vibrant. I'm unsure if they're driven by heroism or reckless abandon. Valor circles above, relaxed as ever. Free from our cares, he might prove a decent lodestone.

As I descend the boarding ramp like an invalid, a blow from behind knocks the wind out of me. The ground rushes up. I blink away dust, while the person responsible lies off to the side in a cloud of risen clay. Sarah grins an apology. 'Damn, girlfriend, you look as bad as I feel.'

'Was this a mistake?'

'Yeah, probably.'

Volibear pulls us to our feet. He forces me to look into his glowing eyes until I go blind with colour, then does the same to Sarah. His conclusion is bleak. 'Your souls are coming untethered. You should remain in case the worst happens.'

I find strength in defiance. 'We're in this together.'

'Your vulnerability will slow us down.'

'Or work as bait. If you truly believe I'll jeopardise our mission, you'll have to strike me dead.'

Volibear sounds tempted. 'As you will.' He relents, for now.

Sarah brandishes her guns. 'Count me in. I'll find the sodden bastard who's terrorising Bilgewater if it kills me.'

'They'll do more than kill you,' says Volibear. 'Can your first mate get us back safely?'

'Do you think I'd employ him otherwise?'

'There are many fools in high places, but if you speak the truth, then do as you please. I needn't risk anyone to save you.'

'Cold.' Sarah gives a lewd whistle. 'I love it. You getting ready for some carnage, big boy?'

'I'll fight anyone to the death but we're at a disadvantage here. Force will not sway Kalista.'

We're stuck with our one, hitherto unspoken, plan. I reveal it. 'So we're negotiating from a position of weakness, and all we can offer is ourselves.'

'Indeed,' says Volibear without inflection.

The trees resemble gallows. Many have empty nooses, offering a home to the weary. Quinn darts under them, shadowing Valor's route. She canters from bare knoll to broken wall as if running through the pastures of home. I nudge Volibear. 'How safe is Quinn?'

'I'm unsure. There's no apparent cause for her resilience, unless you know something I don't.'

Was our affair traumatic enough to weigh down her soul? How does this work? 'What about losing her twin brother?'

'Unlikely.'

'Demacian zeal?'

'She's not a paladin.'

Sarah blows out her cheeks. 'You don't question fortune, you seize her. So Quinn's useful rather than a liability? Great. Why don't we follow her lead if we can't think of a direction?'

We head after Quinn, using Valor to track her position. I ask Volibear, 'What about him?'

'Borderline sentient, he barely registers. I doubt any hungry spirits will pay attention.'

How sad, Quinn's best friend is just another bird. 'I always thought there was more to him.'

'You needn't be so hasty. There are mysteries hidden from us all, and Valor may be one of them. I would sooner believe Quinn's judgement over mine.'

I could have embraced him after that. 'Thank you, Volibear.'

'We all need hope, Ashe, however distant.'

As we draw near, Quinn and Valor are deep in communion. Valor squawks and files away. Quinn chews on her lip. 'There's a rose garden, half a mile south.' We both remember Lux's offer.

I ask, 'Any settlements or clearings?'

'Everything's a blur to the west. Valor can't see anything.'

'A spell?'

Volibear says, 'Or a boundary.'

Sarah grunts while she corrects her posture. That affected swagger's weighing her down. 'Sailing into the void without a map ain't wise. If a monster's dull enough to grow for a hobby, they might bore us before eating us, while whatever's deeper may nosh down without foreplay.'

Volibear concurs. 'I'd have expressed it with less colour but, yes, we should investigate. Well done, Quinn.'

She bows her head. 'It was all Valor.'

Sarah gives Quinn a friendly but forceful smack, knocking her upright. 'Seriously, be grateful when people compliment you.'

Quinn grumbles her thanks, but Volibear's too busy taking charge to notice. 'I'll go first. Ashe and Sarah, keep three paces back and your weapons drawn. Quinn, you're the rearguard.'

As we fall into line, Quinn touches my arm. 'Don't,' she says.

'Don't what?'

'You know. Pick any flowers.'

Sarah hears our conversation. 'Is that something Ashe does? Kinky. Did she pick your flower, baby girl?'

Please don't put ideas into Volibear's head. 'You can save the jokes for the celebration afterwards.'

'Ooh, if you insist. I can't wait.'

Our march is arduous. The tough ground answers every step with a hammer blow. Volibear moves carefully, not walking any faster than I can hobble. He knows better than to complain without a solution but I think he'll suggest a parting of ways at the next opportunity.

Quinn ducks and dives too much. Her feral aspect is emerging. Every time she picks up a trail, I worry that she'll disappear for good.

Valor swoops and almost floors me with the down-blast from his wings. He pulls Quinn away. She raps three times on a trunk, a signal to stop.

We huddle. Volibear opens the discussion. 'What is it?'

Quinn recites, 'Eighty yards, eleven o'clock, Valor saw a humanoid figure dressed in black, heading to the rose garden. Fifteen seconds later, the figure vanished.'

'All right,' says Volibear. 'We should remain close.'

I object. 'Robes indicate a mage. If one spell hits us all, we're doomed.'

'Fair point. Should I go myself?'

'You're too valuable. I'm our bait, remember?'

'Not so fast. Even if you can't fight, you know two spells. I've taken your crystal arrow to the snout enough times.' What can I say? He's a good target. 'If we're sending our weakest, I'm afraid that's Sarah.'

She bristles. 'Don't even think about it. I bait others, not myself.'

Quinn says, 'I'll go.' We all face her. 'I've no magic and I'm fast enough to dodge anything.'

How much is she going to sacrifice before this ends? I have to talk some sense into her. 'We have goals worth dying for, Quinn. You don't. If you make every battle yours then…'

'I'm part of your mission. Do you think every soldier has a personal stake in their campaign? I've trained for this. Let me do my job.'

'You're here as Demacia's representative, not a hireling.'

'I'm here as your friend!'

'Which is why I can't…'

Sarah groans. 'I get it. You're in love, but we have to make a decision. Volibear?'

Please ignore Sarah's quip. I can't die just yet. After pondering our course, he says, 'I'm thinking we should have brought Udyr but, failing that, I believe Quinn is right.'

'Thank you,' says Quinn. She loosens her joints. 'Listen out for Valor. He'll caw if I'm safe, and screech if I'm under attack.'

I say, 'if you take any longer than three minutes, I'll conjure my hawk spirit and look for you. Stay safe.'

'And you.' Quinn scurries ahead.

I'm still nervous about Sarah's comment, so I bury my gaze into the sky. Did Avarosa feel the same weakness while posing for her statues? I wonder if her fantasies were as dark as mine.

To me, they were not dark, only sad.

You're here?

Not for long. Your allies are sturdy, but they are a danger to themselves.

What do you mean?

I fear the cost as I pray for your success, my child.

Valor screeches. I project my hawk spirit through the garden. Perception blurs. Two pairs of eyes become one. I strain to follow Quinn's backflips. Explosions of negative energy leave ash in her wake. I glimpse wide pauldrons beneath a sceptre, held aloft in a skeletal grip.

'A lich,' I hiss. 'Everyone, keep your distance and watch your feet.'

Volibear drops onto his forelegs. 'I'm ready to pounce if you land your crystal arrow.'

'I'd rather save it for Kalista. We'll talk first, flee then fight if we must.'

'All right.' He crashes through the trees, on his way to flank our opponent. I'm grateful that Volibear still follows my direction. He was clearly disappointed with my call.

Sarah lifts her guns like an amputee displaying war wounds. 'I got a few rounds of hextech shot, enough to make a spirit sneeze, I guess, but…' She lowers the brim of her tricorn. 'I've won enough games with a poor hand.'

'I bet. See you on the other side.'

I'm last on to the field. Sarah must have been pushing herself where I was careful. She moves recklessly on those heels.

The rose garden is arranged with care, but the flowers are the light, sickly shade of corpse-flesh. Winding around their bases are pebble-strewn paths, arranged in looping figures of eight. Above the central cluster, floats our enemy.

The lich is resplendent with pallor as he wields his sceptre like a paintbrush. His eyes glow beneath a tall mitre. Quinn is tense, ready to leap aside. As we emerge, the lich ceases attacking and regards us with leisurely confidence. 'Ah…' His voice is deep and sonorous. He relishes each word like a poet. 'Forgive my welcome. I suspected your little scout was not alone so I forced your hand with a prelude of sturm und drang.' He bows. 'I am Karthus.'

If the lich wants to talk instead of putrefying us, who am I to object? 'Well met, I am…'

'Oh, I'm familiar with most of you, Volibear, nursemaid of the storm, unaware of his true role, Ashe, the mortal who sees the future in a past she will never comprehend, Sarah Fortune, a careless woman pressed into caring.' He clicks an absent tongue. 'Few people are born, well-suited for this travesty called life, Captain. You started off as one of them but she who giveth also taketh it…'

Sarah punctures the sermon. '"She"?'

Karthus doesn't miss a beat, adapting like a musician to resolve dissonance. 'Of course, life is a mother, and a harlot naming her price, like you.' Sarah clams up. She's not inviting an explanation for that simile. 'No response? Your trials have blunted your famous wit.'

'You think all your hot air deserves a comeback?' While Sarah likely has one, she's eager to change the subject of her being a mother.

'I am death, and I have no comeback.' He addresses Quinn, 'You are but a shadow to me, golden girl. Mayhap your soul is of no consequence, or mayhap you are chaos walking. A blank slate is a powerful gift, wasted on Demacia, but you have already begun to spread your wings… interesting. What is your name, golden girl?'

'Quinn,' she says, with more boldness than I feel.

'Exquisite, a name with no sex or lineage. You share traits with a numbered woman from Piltover but your mystery hides within a plain costume.'

As the conversation goes on, I look for opportunities. Karthus enjoys an audience. We can use this. 'What else do you know?'

'More and less than you'd think. I hear of world affairs. Too many spirits are noisy before accepting salvation, but I'm rarely graced with the means to challenge their claims. I've given up on understanding your Freljord, such a tangled web of delusion. Your toxin runs deep and your enemies are no better.'

'My faults are many but I'm doing what I can.'

'By prolonging your civil war, collaborating with Ursine, forsaking your people… yes, you're doing as well as you can,' he says. 'Death is your only true salvation but you're not one for taking advice.'

I flatter him. 'You know me too well. How come?'

'When I crossed over, time and entropy lost all bearing. Meanwhile, you walk through the past and what is to come. We've crossed paths, trust me.' Karthus hums a passage from a strange, wandering aria. 'But we digress. What are you doing here? This is no place for the living.'

'I'm looking for Kalista. She has the soul of a woman I love.'

Karthus roars with laughter. The wet shrieking is unbearable. Quinn's head vanishes beneath her shoulders. Blood glistens from Volibear's ears. My dull human senses are a mercy.

His outburst finished, Karthus wipes an imaginary tear. 'You're here to bloody Kalista's beak? Oh my! That insufferable, artless crow deserves it. All that intelligence and ability wasted on a vulgar mathematician.' His voice lowers with contempt. 'She has the same elevation as I do but refuses to see more than two minus two becoming zero. The smug fool rejoices in answering a stupid, simple question, over and over… like a dog eating and unspooling one beloved whip of excrement.'

I can't believe my luck. 'So you'll help us?'

'Oh, I can't "help" you. Kalista holds a grudge and she's miserable enough already, but I can spare your lives and unveil the path.'

'Is there a catch?'

'You mortals and your games, everyone joins my kingdom eventually. The "catch", if you need one, is that she will cast aside your fleshy prisons like rags when you come to blows, and I will be there to collect your souls.'

'Encouraging.'

I'll have to pay Kalista's toll. I deserve no less, and I may live to see the Freljord whole before crossing over, but is my sacrifice really for the best? I know Sejuani wouldn't approve. Looking at Volibear, I wonder if…

No, he's blameless. I can't allow him to bear the cost of our possible relationship. The price is eternal but love can perish. I doubt Sejuani could rest easy knowing Volibear suffered. If my princess and I can't share an afterlife, we'll cherish the days we have.

The silence drags while we process the coming trial. An impatient Sarah fires a round into the sky. 'Yoohoo, Karthus! I'm glad you're helping Ashe but I've got a bone to pick with the Shadow Isles.'

Karthus lazily descends. 'Of course you do, my Captain, because you don't understand. I've been liberating your dead. Suppose you fell before claiming revenge. Would you know peace without a guide?'

'You fucking hypocrite. You're killing as many people as you "save"!'

'What is that unsightly phrase about omelettes and eggs? I lived off rats when I was mortal.' He strokes his chin. 'Still, I might have been too zealous. When I first ascended, full of music and optimism, I freed everyone before their time. All I did was unite enemies and inspire a new generation of paladins, awful creatures.'

'You'll have to deal with worse if you push Bilgewater.'

'Certainly not, your sails are better set on putting your boat in order. Then I'll have no stake in your affairs.' He plucks a rose to admire the petals. 'I'll grant you this. My work should feel more… natural. People never question blighted lands after a slaughter. That you're here means I've gone too far.' He mutters like an artist hearing unwanted feedback. 'So be it, I'll give your trapped souls time enough to fester. They'll know who to thank, believe me.'

'The dead are none of my business. I don't care what you tell them so long as you fuck off.'

'Then you cede responsibility for most of your demesne. If you're tired of death's march, you should write your own anthem. Civilise Bilgewater so your vassals outnumber the lost and we'll turn our gaze elsewhere.'

'Civilise? You're asking me to civilise Bilgewater?' She spits in the nearest bush.

'Life isn't fair, my Captain, but if you can't think of an opening theme, try penning a dirge for Illaoi.'

Sarah's brow deepens. 'The one person who's keeping your mist from our shores? How convenient.'

'She's working against you. So long as Illaoi draws breath, you will never control Bilgewater. Thresh and Hecarim will hear the cries of anguish and warfare. The dead will cry for my beautiful song.'

'I know when I'm being played, lich.'

'You dance to her plodding rhythm because you're too quick to believe in cold, rational cruelty. Illaoi may declare herself beyond good and evil but she's a woman first and a prophet second.'

I see his point and interject. 'I've been called a queen, a goddess and a conqueror but when others forget I'm a person, I'm deadlier than all three.'

Sarah nods. 'I'll take it from you.' Her fingers dance upon her guns. 'Our Truthbearer's got a few secrets. I know she bumped uglies with Gangplank a while back.' She glares at Karthus. 'And you can shove that rotten grin of yours. I won't simply kill her so you can roll us, not when I can use her.'

Karthus remains unflappable. 'Dance with the devil if you must. I'll be there to commiserate if you stumble.'

'Huzzah.' Sarah looks around. 'I'm done if you guys are. Not all I was hoping for but I'm still in one piece.'

We're off to Kalista then. Volibear asks, 'Will our group survive the landscape?'

I feel a chill as Karthus looks over me, Quinn and Sarah. 'Hmm, I can't say. The golden girl has a bright flame but Ashe and Captain Fortune have no guarantees.' Why does Sarah get a title?

Volibear smacks his paws together. 'It is what it is. Ashe, I trust you're coming,'

'Yes.'

He doesn't argue. 'Quinn, we have directions. You needn't risk yourself to guide us.'

Quinn roars. 'I'm going all the way!' then flinches at her double-entendre. She's incurably teenage and awkward, even at her boldest.

'I respect your devotion but your country may need you to fall elsewhere.'

'My homeland is an ideal, and I serve justice by serving yours.'

'No,' says Volibear. 'The Freljord requires nothing, least of all service. You are helping us, and we no longer speak for our people.'

'This goes beyond you and Ashe. I was only half a person before I came to the Freljord, and I'd rather die whole than live as a child.'

'You'll have plenty more opportunities for growth that ask less of you.' Volibear looks to me for help. I have none. 'But you're free to do as you please, and your keen senses are welcome.'

'Thank you,' says Quinn. She looks at me with open defiance.

I beg of her, 'Please don't.'

'I must.' We're beyond reason.

Our last ally avoids eye contact. 'Sarah,' I call softly. 'There's no need for you to come with us. I know you wanted more but…'

'You don't have to creep.' She blows a lock of hair aside. 'I'm out of my depth and I didn't survive to this day by picking every battle.' Her smile returns. 'Besides, you guys will need an escape when it all goes bottoms-up.'

'Running from a horde of angry spirits with our prize in tow.'

'I'll be disappointed with anything less.' Drawing near, she brushes my waist with her knuckles. 'Come back in one piece, all right? If you die because I chickened out, well…'

'I didn't think you cared.'

'Rub it in, why don't you?' She clips the side of my breast with her gun. 'Come back you filthy barbarian slut, or I'm crawling into a bottle for an afternoon, at least.'

'I'll come back and we'll do that anyway.'

'Deal.' Sarah turns to Volibear. 'Look after my babies, you sexy beast, and you'll get all my honey.'

He says, 'I'll protect your friends with my life, regardless of any threats you make.'

'If all men were as good as you, this life would be paradise.'

'You'd think otherwise if we met in battle.'

'Ashe didn't think otherwise, or you wouldn't be here.' Volibear can't object.

Finally, Sarah whispers to Quinn. I can't hear what passes until Sarah draws back and I read a conspiratorial "good luck" upon her lips.

While Quinn chews on her fist, I recall her on top of me, her thumb in her mouth, naked from the waist down. I swallow the memory just in time. Sarah's close. With a gentle, yet insistent grip, she forces me to look at her. 'Be kind, Ashe.'

'I don't know if I can.'

'Whatever happens, dawn will come. Ain't one person with the whole world on their shoulders. Be yourself. Be happy. Be kind. Fuck everyone else, because they'll be fine.' She lowers her voice. 'Even if their queen runs off with another woman.' Fear clutches my heart. I pray Volibear concludes we're talking about Sejuani. Sarah chuckles. 'Yeah, I got you, babe.'

I grow hostile at her intervention. 'You're treading on dangerous ground. You'll drop the subject if you know what's good for you.'

My tone hits like a slap. 'So that's how you're going to play it. And here I was, dumb enough to think you'd listen.' She backs off. 'I'll ready The Syren for a quick getaway. We'll stay for as long as possible.'

'Thanks. We'll send Valor back alone if the worst happens.' I glance at Quinn. She nods in affirmation.

Sarah drags her heels through the dirt. I think our exchange hurt more than she let on. She'd trusted me with her secrets, and I hadn't returned the favour. 'Aye aye. Farewell, Ashe. I hope you find what you need.'

And then we were three.

Hunting for a distraction, I see the fallen rose. While Karthus is busy conjuring wisps to guide us, I pick up the flower and slip it into my quiver. He spies me crouching and I scramble for an explanation. 'I was admiring your garden. How does it work?'

'Your interest is appreciated. Our gravedigger is the one who maintains it. I merely encourage him.'

'Why do they grow?'

'For the same reason I can talk with you. Death is motion. Corpses rot even after the souls move on. You may drive out all life but the most barren land will reconfigure so long as entropy grows.' He lectures while continuing his work. 'What you're seeing is a rare combination of magic, force and nature, somewhat like finding a cloud indistinguishable from a person. I still don't fully understand it. However, time is on my side, one of the great advantages of lichdom.'

Volibear says, 'Time is on nobody's side. You're a fool if you think otherwise.'

'The servant of chaos rebels against certainty. You are the rock, around which all breaks. Your bile, delusion and resentment will no more change your fate than fate will change you.'

'There's no contradiction. Every storm has an eye, still as the wind is wild.'

'Yes, like a tumour pulsing with the beat of a sick heart,' says Karthus. 'We could trade apothems until Valoran dies, but you don't accept anything. It is both your strength and your tragedy.' He moves on. 'Ashe, you look inward enough. I won't torment you with my thoughts until we meet again.'

How did I earn a lich's clemency? 'Don't assume I'll be talkative when I pass.'

'Most of us are. Besides, you have manners, unlike some people.' He says to Quinn, 'Golden girl.'

She'd been fretfully silent ever since her chat with Sarah. Now Quinn snaps. 'Don't call me that! I'm an adult. I have a name. Why do people have to make me into a symbol or a bird or a girl?'

'You're a girl by many standards. You are golden, untouchable, a stray piece of grit from Zhonya's hourglass. You have immense power to change the world, free from destiny's pull. Embrace your nothingness. Embrace your freedom. You needn't accept what others do.'

Quinn drives both palms into her skull, as if containing enormous pressure. For a split second, she looks at me with animal ferocity. 'No, forget it. I'm out of my depth and I can't work out your game. I'll carry on as Quinn, if it's all the same to you.'

I say, 'That's all I need.'

Her longing is plain. I've made a mistake. 'Thank you. Now let's go. Please.'

We follow Volibear into the gloom. Karthus bows in farewell, his evil smile frozen in death. By the time I look again, he's gone, leaving echoes of light and song.