Reprise – Chapter 1

I'm in a prison with no walls. The earth and sky have crumbled into darkness. Nothing remains but a curious gas lamp, suspended above like a warning. It bathes my form in a grey light. My shadow creates the floor upon which I lie.

How did I get here?

I have memories. I'm unsure if they're from the past or the future.

Perhaps I should treat them all as the present. Yes, that might work.

Volibear and I walk together, not quite in silence. I've torn him asunder. He no longer knows who he is or what he believes. I have that effect on people. However, one constant remains. He is a slave to his compassion. As I torture him with my presence, he helps me walk, ensures I eat and drink, and even helps me into my bedroll when I collapse.

He may resent me, but we faced the void together. We can't always choose our family, and now we're brothers. I tell him this. While the prospect unsettles him, he doesn't argue.

Upon reaching the Freljord, we chart our course without discussion. Returning via my lands to gather supplies and an escort would have been wiser, but I no longer care for my safety.

The climate rejuvenates. We make rapid progress towards the Winter's Claw. A frozen river marks the natural boundary between our lands. I'd crossed it before to fire messages to Sejuani.

Volibear expresses no relief. 'We're back. Hopefully, I'm still welcome. We may have a fight on our hands.'

'Would Sejuani have covered for your absence?'

'Yes, but word of our journey has likely travelled. If it's reached the wrong ears…'

We may find ourselves behind enemy lines with nowhere to run. 'Do you think Udyr knows?'

'He was in your lands the whole time I was in your company.' Volibear sounds pleased. It's not often he has the advantage. 'If we're lucky, he'll find us before anyone else. Our raiders listen to him, so he could disperse them and smuggle us in.'

'Udyr's been a stone in my boot for so long but I wouldn't have survived without him. I've almost come to think of him as an ally.'

'Think what you will. I doubt he cares.' Volibear opens the strongbox to reveal Anivia's egg. I'd feel better if there were some evidence it contained Sejuani's rescued soul. 'Here.'

'You're trusting me with this?' Weeks ago, I would have been elated. Now I feel guilty.

'You need protection. Our berserkers might endanger Sejuani to kill you, but most will hesitate.'

'They're not going to look at this and assume it's important.'

'I'll tell them it is. And if any of them strike first, I'll have my claws free to defend you.'

Gingerly, I pick up the egg. It nestles to my bosom as though it belongs there. My cheeks grow warm. 'Thank you,' I say. 'This will change everything, won't it, if I'm seen to rescue Sejuani?'

'Maybe not for the better, or as much as you'd hope.'

'It's hard to believe in a tidy resolution after all we've been through.' I smile at him. 'Hey, Volibear?'

'True, which is as it should be.'

I offer him my hand. He accepts it, and we confirm a relationship which is entirely ours, even if it's not a good one. 'Lead the way. Sejuani's waiting.'

The empty strongbox remains in the snow behind us, awaiting a second life, or slow destruction by the Freljord.

I know Sejuani's lands quite well, though it's odd to see them during the day. Normally, if I'm here, I'm creeping about at night. The plains are much wider, flatter and sparser than ours, which is why the Winter's Claw have a tradition of mounted combat. I'm glad they struggle with our forests.

Udyr charges into view, his broad silhouette enhanced with the blue shroud of his bear aspect. I struggle to read his face, which is all teeth and beard. Is Udyr capable of emotions other than contempt? He spies the egg. 'So you endured the Shadow Isles long enough to rescue Sejuani. Guess the old man can still fight.'

Volibear swells with pride. 'Was there any doubt?'

'Your choice of companion suggested otherwise.' Udyr grins. 'Ashe, you look smaller and older than I remember. Did you carve chunks off yourself to buy his mercy?'

'Perhaps. You're well placed to comment. I should thank you for saving my life.'

'You're welcome but you had the benefit of circumstance. Don't count on my protection. I survived this long only by letting the right people die.' The spectre of a turtle forms a barrier between us. 'Are you here to unite the Freljord by restoring Sejuani? Your hubris astounds me. Only Volibear and I know the details of Sejuani's bondage so your gift will mean nothing to her tribe.'

'It will mean something to her.'

'She'll be grateful, but her captured soul was never the cause of her lethargy. It was a promise to alter her fate after death, no more, no less.' He steps back into a wide posture, drawing energy from his trunk. 'Her darkness comes from within, as it always did. Volibear should have told you this.'

'He did. Your pessimism won't deter me. I'm here to repay my debt. Everything else can follow.'

'If I were a pessimist, I would not be wasting my time with your internecine quarrel. It is a tragedy that I must rely on you all to defeat the Watchers.'

'Do you make a habit of wishing away your allies?'

Volibear drags a paw along his snout. 'He does. You learn to ignore it after a while.' He squares up to Udyr. 'We need your help.' It sounds like a threat rather than a plea. This must be how Sejuani's people talk.

Udyr plays along. 'You want to sneak Ashe to Sejuani? I won't endanger myself by coming with you but I can provide a route. I'll sweep ahead and ensure the path is clear.'

I'm impressed by how quickly Sejuani's men work through their antagonism to solve problems. My advisors could learn a thing or two here. Volibear says, too eagerly, 'How fit is Sejuani? Could you bring her to us?'

I override him. 'No, that would be dangerous. People might see betrayal. If we go to her, she can deny all knowledge.'

'I'll be glad when we part ways, Ashe. I'm too dependent on your oversight.' He adds quietly, as if confessing a weakness. 'If that isn't an option, I'd like to know how she's doing.'

Udyr frowns. 'What would I know? She communicates little, and exercises to quiet her mind. At least she now resembles a leader rather than a corpse. I can gather reports and obtain decisions without a prompt.'

'Is she eating?'

'She's always mashing her gums on some bone or other, but she's not putting on weight. Maybe she has a parasite.' Udyr shrugs. 'I'm not her nurse. I leave that role to you, Volibear.'

She can't look after herself. I have to respect her autonomy but old reflexes die hard. I can't resist. 'She's throwing up when no-one's looking. Are her teeth rotten?'

'They've always been rotten. I can't say if they've worsened. Unlike you, I don't make a habit of entering her mouth.'

My skin crawls. 'How much do you know?'

'Please, Ashe. You released her from your dungeons and blamed it on me. I spent enough time in your lands to hear the tale you'd spun. At Kaiku, Sejuani thanked me for saving your life. A month later, you began firing love letters into our territory. Now, you've rescued her rather than press your advantage.' His bear aspect returns. I don't know if it's a trick of the light, but his arms appear to lengthen. 'I've no mind to suffer your act. You should follow quickly and waste less of my time.' Udyr sprints away. Clouds of snow rise and fall in his wake. It's unfair how he can run so fast for so long.

Volibear gets on all fours. 'Come. Udyr won't betray us, but there's every chance he'll get distracted if we don't hurry.'

I vault onto his back. 'I'm glad he's co-operating.'

'As am I. He hates responsibility, yet he's taken up my role. It's a relief to know Sejuani's had a capable go-between.'

'Have I turned him against his nature like everyone else?'

He grumbles. 'I'm sure Udyr is beyond anyone's control. You can rest easy.'

'Not yet, Volibear.'

We go deeper into Sejuani's territory, and closer to my judgement.

Udyr zig-zags across the plains, then up a sheer mountain-face. No other human could follow without preparation. Luckily, Volibear makes short work of the climb as I hold on for dear life. Heights aren't an issue for me but I don't enjoy relying on someone else's grip.

I don't know what to expect from Sejuani's base. Her own tent is mobile, in keeping with tradition, but I'd long suspected there was a semi-permanent retreat, a point from where Volibear and Sejuani could manage both their forces.

We're close to the southern tip of Ursine territory. Their lands were impregnable until now. The Ursine could sniff out a spy in a swamp. We're high enough that clouds are obscuring our view.

There's no sign of Udyr. He's made himself scarce. We must be close.

The damp is unpleasant, but at least we're out of the wind. As I'm losing my thoughts to the steady rumble of Volibear's progress, we dip below the clouds and all is revealed.

A wide plateau juts into the ravine like a stretched lip. I recognise Sejuani's tent at once, an imposing, two tier fabrication, held together with bones and the discoloured, scaly hide of some creature, possibly a remorhaz. I wonder if she designed it herself.

The other structures look permanent. One is a disinterested mead hall, not suitable for a chieftain. The rest are stores and fortifications. Caves burrow into the mountain wall. This looks more like an evil monastery or prison camp than a proud seat of conquest.

Volibear says, 'We've made it. Skulking through your own territory like a thief is not pleasant. I don't understand how anyone endures this kind of double life.'

I dismount and loosen my joints, grateful to be in control once again. 'Welcome to my world, Volibear. For better or worse, we'll have nowhere to hide after this.'

'Perhaps. Whatever your intentions, people might interpret this in ways that conceal you. To counter them, you will need a myth, a narrative… or a dream to make this work, a vision people can't ignore.'

'We have one of those things.' Maybe Sejuani and I could sleep forever and spend our whole lives there.

'That's not what I meant but yes, you do.' He sounds ambivalent. 'Once you're prepared, I'll go first. I'll protect you with my life, but you'll be challenged in other ways and I can't speak for you.'

'Can we put an end to this talk of you dying for me?'

'No. My promise to Sejuani comes first.'

Volibear announces our arrival. He wastes no time revealing my presence. Everyone scrambles to receive us. I meet their eyes. There's distrust but little disdain. Sejuani's inner circle must echo her regard for me.

I look for anyone resembling a mistress. The shorter, beardless warriors aren't unambiguously female. Everyone wears comparable armour. None are cursed with Sejuani's overt appeal or my cruel womanhood.

She guards her desire too well, as always. I'd vainly hoped for some insight.

Three months ago, this would have been the most stressful, pivotal moment of my life. Now I feel nothing. I wonder if my veteran's broken stare is persuading Sejuani's people that I'm one of them.

We're proceeding slowly but steadily when a loud snort halts our advance.

Bristle emerges from a tent, just large enough to contain him. For an instant, I smile stupidly, knowing Sejuani values him so. He's proof of her maternal instincts. My little daydream vanishes when I see the purpose in Bristle's eyes. He's focused on the egg I'm carrying. I can taste his scalding breath from here.

Volibear leaps in front of me, paws crackling. He yells to the crowd, 'Get Sejuani! She's the only one who can soothe him!' Volibear then plants all four limbs into the ground, as if bracing for a hurricane. He says to me, 'Beasts recognise souls, and he'll do anything to reach Sejuani. Guard that vessel.'

'With my life,' I say.

Bristle and Volibear collide. Everyone scatters from the force of their impact. As I shake off the thunderclap, I'm amazed to see Volibear overcoming their weight difference with guile and balance. Every time Bristle leverages one set of muscles, Volibear shifts, jabbing his claws into softer hide. I pray someone comes before Sejuani loses a friend.

A familiar battle cry startles me. I whirl to see an explosion of hair, the colour of fire. The sun glints off a blade. In other circumstances, I would have leapt aside. Instead, I use my body to protect Sejuani.

Pain shatters my nerves. A sticky warmth coats my shoulder and arm. Cold unfurls from my neck. Sensation ebbs, as if I'm being removed, piece by piece. Collapsing to the floor, I strain to breathe, but I have no lungs. I hear the crushing drumbeat of asphyxiation as my tongue flaps uselessly in a pool of my blood.

I look up into Olaf's murderous rage. Sweat and saliva coat his beard, yet his anger is righteous, not feral. He's watched his beloved Sejuani shrivel before his eyes and he knows I'm responsible. Olaf was never the mindless warmonger of his reputation. He'd always fought and killed for a reason, like honour, perfection… or vengeance.

Damn you, Kalista. I should have known you'd follow.

Sejuani's weapon crashes into him. She's here! The cold cyclone tugs at us but Olaf ignores it and erupts free. Not even my arrows could suppress him. He raises another axe to finish me off but Udyr's tiger spirit enters the fray, shredding Olaf's back to ribbons. Olaf can't ignore the threat. As they duel to the side, Sejuani straddles me. The colour's drained from her cheeks. Not even the red-raw lash of the Freljord remains.

Don't worry, my princess. I'm going to make everything better. My mission is over. I think I'm smiling. She's so lovely that I can't help it. My beautiful Sejuani, death itself won't keep us apart. Once we touch, I will never let go. Tendons rebind through sheer will. Reaching up, I caress her jaw. She clutches my hand. There. No matter how wide the void opens, I will never fall, not with my love as my anchor.

The world grows dark and silent. There's only her skin on mine.

We hold on.

I will embrace this instant, these last few seconds. I will make them into days. I will make them eternity.

My spirit lingers enough to see the darkness crack with azure light.

The egg is hatching.

I hear Avarosa's lament.

Sejuani is not a cryophoenix, and humans are part of a different cycle. The soul has to progress, not return to the same body.

Then what will happen?

Time will resolve this contradiction. Forgive me. I could have warned you, but I was too selfish.

My thoughts are too weak to grasp what you mean but I forgive you.

I know, and you will again. If only you could forgive yourself.

…

I love you.

Because I am not yours?

Because you are not me. You are something better. Though you may not realise it, you always were, and you always will be.

Time pauses before my death.

I will never let you go.

Like a fish plunging back into the sea, time reverses to the point where Sejuani was lost.