Kurt
2009
Kurt returned home from school on Monday to find Carole, Finn, and his dad all sitting around the table waiting for him. Oh here we go, he thought in annoyance, wishing again he hadn't screwed everything up so that he could know what to expect.
Neither Carole or Burt looked happy and Finn was sitting with his shoulders slouched and a sorry look on his face.
"What's up?" Kurt asked as he walked into the room and dropped his bag on the floor beside his chair.
"I swear I didn't tell them anything." Finn said causing him to receive a dark look from his mom.
"Take a seat, Kurt." Burt ordered.
Kurt withheld the urge to roll his eyes and sat down.
"Kurt." Carole said in a hard but caring voice. "Is there anything you wanted to tell us?"
I'm not actually 16 anymore and don't feel like being grounded for whatever rule or curfew I forgot applied.
"No." Kurt answered.
"Why was Blaine sleeping in your room Friday night?" Burt wondered. His voice made it clear there was no room for that to be tolerated.
"It was late and we didn't feel like making the extra trip." Kurt answered with an innocent shrug. He knew what Burt would say, and assumed that was the reason Finn was involved too. "What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is you can't have a guy sleep in your room with you!" Burt snapped.
"Why not?" Kurt wondered playing dumb the best that he could. "Finn does. Puck stays over once every two weeks at least."
"That's different." Carole said in a calm voice which was over showered by Burt yelling the exact same thing.
"It's different, Kurt and you know it." Burt snapped after sharing a look with Carole to verify she had nothing she wanted to add. "Finn having Puck stay over is not the same as him having Racheal or Mercedes or... or..." He looked at Carole who fed him a few other names of female friends they had "Santana, or Britney, or Tina stay over, and for you, having those girls stay over is not the same as having a boy stay over."
"Why not?" Kurt wondered.
"Doesn't Blaine have a boyfriend?" Burt demanded, a little calmer now that he had to think of a response other than "you're gay."
"Yes, so you know it is innocent." Kurt mused.
"No, that is not what I know. I know that you had a boy stay in your room, without telling us, and then you had your brother cover for you so you could sneak him out in the morning." Burt snapped.
Finn and Kurt shared a quick glance before looking back at their parents.
"It was a lovely day Finn, thank you for it, but did you really think we wouldn't know something was up?" Burt asked.
"I saw you and Blaine get home on Friday night." Carole admitted. "I didn't want to wake up your father then, and I didn't hear anything alarming." Everyone at the table made a face as she said that, "but I still needed to tell him."
"It wasn't hard to put two-and-two together after that." Burt agreed.
"We didn't do anything." Kurt defended.
"Do you think that matters?" Burt demanded. "How do you think that makes Blaine look? Or you? Do you really think people don't make assumptions about that sort of thing?"
"And imagine how Blaine's poor boyfriend had to feel." Carole added.
"Does he know?!" Burt inquired.
"I think so."
"You think so? Kurt..." Burt groaned. "You can't be doing things like that."
"Okay." Kurt surrendered. I'm 20 dad, I know you don't know that but I know what I am doing... mostly... This situation is still kind of new to me.
"Okay?" Carole asked.
"Okay, I'm sorry I let Blaine sleep over. I made him look like a slut and that was unfair to him. I won't do it again." Kurt tried, knowing it would fail, in a dull voice.
"Woah, I wouldn't go that far." Burt decided.
"I won't have sleepovers with boys." Kurt agreed.
"Thank you." Burt nodded, then turned to Finn who was watching wide eyed, "And you?"
"I won't have sleepovers with Racheal... Or other girls." He decided.
"Thank you." Carole nodded then looked at Burt, "Is there anything else?"
"No, I think we are good here so long as they both understand." Both boys nodded. "Alright then."
When Burt and Carole left the table, Finn leaned over to Kurt, "You seemed very calm. Have we had this conversation before?"
"Last time it was just me and my dad." Kurt admitted.
Kurt had struggled to convince himself he was happy being Blaine's friend. Maybe in collage, which I have to apply for again.
Although he'd had fun reconnecting with some of his old Dalton friends, English was certainly his favorite class. It was the one class he was able to get with Blaine. He almost debated failing all of his classes to get an extra year with Blaine, without Sebastian around.
That wouldn't work, though, Kurt decided, because he needed to keep this as close to the original as possible. Maybe it was impossible to go back to how things were.
Kurt was in English before Blaine which was unusual because Blaine's last class was closer. Kurt took his seat and immediately pulled out his phone to see if Blaine had texted him. He hadn't. A small pang of fear hit him thinking Blaine might not come today and hadn't even told him why. Of course he didn't, Kurt thought in a state of misery. We aren't close enough... I'm not a significant enough part of his day, and why would I be? And why should I be? I'm not Sebastian.
Kurt's spirits were lifted when Blaine wobbled into the room, almost in a daze. Kurt was far to happy to see him to wonder why. Besides, Blaine perked up once in the room and on his way to Kurt.
"Hey." Kurt greeted with a smile.
"Hello." Blaine's smile struck through Kurt's heart as he imagined all the times Blaine had been that genuinely happy to see him, only in a much different setting.
"How are you?" Kurt wondered trying to forget the years he'd spent with Blaine so he could focus on the present.
"I'm excellent." Although Kurt was thrilled that Blaine was so happy, he was a little disappointed that he wasn't the one who'd caused Blaine's happiness. "There's a showing of Shakespeare in the park tomorrow. Did you want to go with me?"
Kurt was so surprised by the offer that he almost choked on his own breath but he managed to smile and announce, "Of course!" before remembering he'd already made plans for tomorrow evening. "But I cant. Jerry is helping me with math tomorrow."
If you ask, I will fail my test. It doesn't count for much anyways.
"Oh." Blaine thought for a moment but Kurt was somewhat relieved, somewhat disapponted that he didn't look at all bothered by Kurt's inability to spend extra time with him. "Maybe Wednesday then."
Kurt wanted to smile at the offer but remembered his plans with Mercedes. "Maybe," If he could think of a good reason to cancel on Mercedes, "I might be visiting Mercedes, if she's not being held up at glee club."
"Oh, is there..." But the teacher started talking so their attention was drawn to the front of the class.
Kurt was trying to desensitize himself to Blaine's presence so he wouldn't be so depressed knowing he didn't have such a strong connection to him anymore, so he wrote notes containing every- -often useless- -word the teacher said. To the point where his pen stopped working and he needed to borrow one from Blaine.
By the end of the class, the teacher was assigning them with projects due on Thursday only giving them tonight and tomorrow to work on them, but at least they got to be in pairs.
Kurt turned to Blaine, the only partner he ever wanted, and asked "Do you want to be partners?" Blaine was staring into space, as he had been all class, and didn't answer. "Blaine." Kurt snapped.
"What's up?" Blaine asked looking suddenly at Kurt with wide puppy-dog eyes that made Kurt want to pull him into his arms and never let go.
"Do you want to be my partner?" Kurt asked again, wanting to smile at the sight of his love's confusion.
"Oh, yes." Blaine answered immediately, then added "For what?"
"The assignment she just assigned, weren't you listening?" Kurt couldn't maintain the smirk much longer as he wondered what could have had Blaine so preoccupied.
"Oh. I think I'm still hung over." Blaine tried and Kurt laughed only because he was so tense that it was the only thing he could do. Obviously it was a lie, he knew, but he figured Blaine would tell him in his own time. "Do you want to come to my house after school to work on it?"
"Sure. After Warbler practice." Kurt agreed.
Kurt could hardly wait for the Warbler practice to be over. He was unhappily aware of Sebastian's attempts to constantly block Kurt from getting close to Blaine which made the practice tedious and boring.
Blaine was of course the main singer, so Kurt just mouthed the words in the background, not caring to contribute more than his presence since it surely wasn't needed.
Then a boy Kurt vaguely remembered grabbed him by the hand and started dancing with him. Honestly, it was the sort of distraction Kurt was sure he needed. He smiled because finally he could think about something that wasn't Blaine or Sebastian.
"That was really fun." The boy praised when the song was over.
"Yes, it was." Kurt smiled in agreement.
"Why have we never danced together in here?" He wondered.
"I really don't know." And Kurt was fairly sure he'd never danced with this boy. He and Blaine had always gravitated to each other. Now he was too busy watching Blaine and Sebastian to notice much else. Maybe this could be a much needed distraction.
"You're Kurt, right?" He asked.
"I am." Kurt smiled a little bashfully. "I'm so sorry, I have the memory of a squirrel."
The other boy laughed rather loudly. "Austin."
"Right, I knew that." Kurt lied.
Austin seemed doubtful but never lost him smile. "Why don't we hang out sometime?"
"S-sure. That would be awesome." Kurt smiled knowing it would be an excellent distraction.
"Alright, let's call it a day guys!" Wes called suddenly. "We can pick this up tomorrow when we're all a little more rested."
"Oh, I guess that's it for today." Kurt laughed because he was feeling a little nervous, "But tomorrow we should sing a song together."
"We should. If you want to come over we could practice?" He offered.
"Oh, I'd love to but I'm going to Blaine's to work on a project. Maybe another day, though." Kurt suggested.
"That would be awesome! Here, I'll give you my number." Austin held out his hand for Kurt to give him his phone and put in his number. "Text me... I know this might be a little soon but, would you maybe want to go out on Friday?"
"Go out?" Kurt repeated in surprise. "As in...?"
"On a date?" He smiled. "Yes, if you are comfortable with that."
Kurt glanced at Blaine, as he naturally would, ready to explain that he already had a boyfriend but seeing Blaine kissing Sebastian made his blood boil and his heart clench. "Yes, I am."
They started building their plans for the weekend when Blaine walked over and said, "Hey."
"Ah, going to go study now?" Austin smiled seeing Blaine and gave Kurt a small flirtatious grin.
Blaine made a somewhat confused face as he listened.
"I will text you later, then." Austin promised.
"I can't wait." Kurt smiled, childishly happy that Blaine heard.
"What was that?" Kurt knew the tone in Blaine's voice and couldn't help but feel a little happiness that it was there.
"Oh, nothing, he just... wanted to talk." Kurt answered knowing Blaine's curiosity would drive him insane.
"Oh? I know that smile." Blaine grinned in excitement and Kurt momentarily wished he'd pushed to make him jealous rather than curious. But why should he be jealous? "What does he want to talk about?"
"What were you and Sebastian talking about?" Kurt wondered assuming they were essentially the same thing.
"You and me going to my house." Blaine answered coolly.
"He didn't mind?" Kurt asked. He didn't know how much Blaine had told him about Friday night, but assumed it couldn't be much since Sebastian hadn't confronted him.
"Why would he mind?" Blaine asked, confusing Kurt a little.
They got into Kurts car and began driving home with Kurt quietly singing to a song on the radio until someone tried to stop him from merging.
"Why don't people know how to drive?" He moved to honk at them but Blaine took his hand to stop him. Why do you always do that? Let me tell them they are stupid. Kurt distracted himself from the bad drivers and from Blaine's warm touch by pre-planning their project. "I was thinking we could do our project on life in the depression."
"Why?" Blaine wondered but Kurt thought the answer was fairly obvious.
"Because Of Mice and Men is based in the depression."
"Would you date Austin?" Blaine wondered, Kurt wondered why he was interested. Did he want Kurt to find someone? Was he just curious? Kurt tried to shake out these thoughts. He just wants to be your friend. He was pretending he couldn't remember anything from Friday night because he didn't want Kurt to think he'd been serious. Blaine can't drink enough to forget an entire night. He doesn't have that capacity. If he wants me to forget that he wanted me, I will.
Kurt laughed though, at the idea that maybe he could replace Blaine somehow. "I barely know him."
"He seemed to like you." Blaine observed.
"Do you think I should?" Kurt really wanted to know.
"No." Blaine answered and Kurt tried to stop the hopeful feeling inside. "I mean, if you want to then go for it but I don't think you should for no reason."
"It might be nice to date someone." Kurt considered, if he couldn't have Blaine, he also couldn't dwell on him forever. Especially since, as far as Blaine was concerned, they'd had no relationship. "I haven't had a boyfriend yet. And I mean... I should explore my options a little, right?"
"You shouldn't start dating someone just to have a boyfriend. You deserve better than that."
"I'm starting to feel desperate." Kurt was willing to take anyone who might distract him from Blaine. And Austin would work. He kind of gave him a bit of a Chandler vibe.
"Why?"
Kurt looked at Blaine and tried to forget that he loved him more than anything. That he was sure that Blaine was his soulmate even if the universe was determined to prove otherwise. But Kurt didn't want to risk making Blaine too uncomfortable to remain his friend by admitting his feelings before Blaine was ready, and he needed a break from constant disappointment and sorrow. "I'm tired of fighting for love, Blaine. I thought I knew my soul mate, but what if I was wrong? I can't keep fighting for something that's not meant to be, can I?"
Blaine looked curiously at him, "You don't know what's meant to be. Who did you think was your soul mate?"
"Doesn't matter now."
"Yes it does." Blaine thought out loud "Is it someone I know?"
"Yes."
"Is he gay?" Racheal tested and proven.
"Yes."
"Is he single?"
"No." Oh crap, why did I say that? He probably thinks I am an awful person.
Blaine struggled to respond and, considering their recent drama, Kurt shouldn't have been surprised that Blaine asked, "is it Sebastian?"
"Oh my god, Blaine!" Kurt couldn't understand why Blaine was unable to comprehend how much Kurt hated Sebastian. "For the last time, I'm not interested in Sebastian."
"You could tell me if you were, you know. I'd understand." Kurt glared at Blaine as he asked so Blaine continued, "Who is it then?"
Kurt refused to answer him and used his focus on parking out front of Blaine's house as an excuse as to why. When they were in his room, Kurt distracted them with their project which Blaine allowed Kurt to take charge of. After almost an hour of their working but never getting anywhere concrete, Kurt threw his hands in the air and complained, "This is going to take all night. We don't even know what we're doing yet, and it's been an hour."
"Let's take a break." Blaine suggested bringing a positive energy to Kurt's otherwise unhappy mood. "We can come back to this after we've done something that isn't school related."
"Like...? I have to be home by ten." Kurt noted, meaning that they'd need to get it done sooner rather than later.
"You can spend the night." Blaine offered and Kurt thought his heart might stop. Multiple fantasies passed through his mind, none would make his father very happy. Then his father came to mind. He'd just said no male sleepovers. Especially not Blaine. But this was for school, he knew he could use. Blaine continued as if trying to avoid confusing Kurt with what he'd asked for Friday. "You know, to work."
"S-sure." Kurt decided as he tried to think of what he'd tell his dad. "I'll just text my dad."
Kurt closed his books and smiled at Blaine while crossing his legs to be more comfortable.
"Are you happy, Kurt?" Blaine asked.
"Yes." Kurt answered, not sure of the question.
"Good." Blaine smiled. "I want you to be happy."
"I want you to be happy, too." Kurt said, "Which is why I would really like you to tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong."
"I know you Blaine." He almost looks like he did after callbacks. "I know when something is wrong."
Blaine went into a train of thought as he considered his reply but didn't leave for a minute. Kurt watched curiously, wondering how Blaine was possibly still surprising him.
"Blaine." Kurt tried after about one minute. "Blaine!" Blaine'd heal tilted but not enough."Blaine!"
"Yes?" Blaine asked looking up as if no time had passed.
"Where did you go?" Kurt demanded starting to get annoyed because Blaine hadn't really been focusing all day. He'd ignored it at first, maybe Blaine was tired, but it had official reached a level of unusual.
"I was... I was right here." Blaine stammered, trying to act like everything was normal.
"You zoned out for like... a minute or so." Kurt objected, wondering what was troubling him so much that he couldn't focus.
"What did you say before?" Blaine asked, mindlessly readjusting a textbook on his lap.
"I said I know that something is wrong." Kurt motioned to Blaine as if to show him that this behavior wasn't like him. At all. "What is it?"
Blaine thought for a moment then spoke. He didn't meet Kurt's eyes after the first few moments of speaking. "I... This might sound really weird but... I've been feeling really weird lately."
Blaine stared at Kurt's shoulder intently but didn't continue naturally so Kurt insisted, "Weird how?"
"I... Okay, can I ask you a question?" Blaine asked, grabbing the textbook on his lap and squeezing it in his hands as if it were a life preserver.
"Of course." Kurt wasn't sure he liked the direction of the conversation but was willing to have it anyways for Blaine. He didn't know about much that made Blaine nervous.
"It might be a little... awkward, or uncomfortable..." Blaine met Kurt's eyes for a fleeting moment before his eyes moved back down to Kurt's chest. Is that the closest he can manage to looking at me...? Oh my God... Is he finally going to tell me he wants me? Can I ask him to break up with Sebastian, had he been serious about that?!
"I'm listening." Kurt waited, watching Blaine struggle intently and patiently, hoping that maybe- -just maybe- -Blaine would want him.
Suddenly all of the awkwardness left his body and he met Kurt's eyes confidently, "Sebastian wants to have sex."
"Oh." So... it's not about me... No, of course not. Why would it be? You're just a friend to him... Ugh, I can't believe I let myself hope for such a... I'm going to text Austin. I need something to distract me. I can't keep having my heart ripped out. The realization that maybe Blaine was nervous because he felt guilty stopped Kurt's thoughts in the spot. "A-a-and h-ave you?"
"No, not yet." Kurt was able to breathe again which was new.
"Good." Kurt stated with more force than he'd meant to. Then clarified to not make things awkward, "You shouldn't have sex until marriage. After marriage even, is it getting hot in here, I'll open a window."
Kurt started to get up but Blaine stopped him with a motion so natural, Kurt wondered if Blaine was aware of it. "I'm not sure I believe in that." Blaine smirked. No, no, no, no, Blaine, please believe in that, or something, you can't trust Sebastian, he'll be gone a week later or cheat on you, you can't handle that. "And to be clear, I'm not sure I want to have sex with Sebastian either."
Kurt relaxed by this a bit, pleased that he wouldn't have to explain everything to Blaine that he'd needed to explain to himself after Eli. C. Maybe the hurt wouldn't be that bad, Kurt considered, because Sebastian and Blaine weren't as close.
"Oh."
"But I still... I'm all for masturbation. I think it's good to express your sexuality in safe, healthy ways. But I don't want to be that guy who has to do it every 12 hours to be a functional member of society." Blaine explained, and Kurt nodded for a moment until he remembered the last few times they'd had conversations like this and the first few times. Kurt glanced down at the textbook and noticed how securely Blaine held it over his lap. Was he... No... He couldn't... that wasn't like him... But...?
Kurt tried to remain calm as multiple options crossed his mind. He could offer to help him if he was having a problem... there... or he could just start kissing Blaine as he would in his time. But Blaine wouldn't like that, or at least a small part of Kurt rooting for Blaine's decency hoped he wouldn't. Blaine doesn't have problems like that. He knows how to control himself... Unless I somehow managed to change that too. I'm so sorry, I broke you Blaine. "I think... I think I screwed up." Kurt decided then that he had no clear idea how Blaine would react to anything he did because he didn't know this version of Blaine well enough. He'd scarcely cared to learn about him because he assumed he already knew him. Now he was being proven wrong. He couldn't assume Blaine's behaviors, or wants, or expectations. But how had a few months changed him so much? "You're... different... now and I don't know if I know how to fix that."
"What do you mean?" Blaine seemed a little nervous so Kurt decided to handle it the same way he would if it were Sam or Finn.
"I can't... Blaine... I think you have ketchup in your hair. I don't know how you got it there, but you should take a shower. I'll be downstairs making pasta. Okay?" Maybe he could correct himself if given the chance. Maybe he'd been repressing his urges? Or maybe he'd been thinking about it too much. Maybe he and Sebastian had been fooling around somewhere and Blaine still hadn't cooled down. Kurt shook his head because he didn't want to know.
Somehow, Blaine was oblivious to Kurt's suggestion and tried feeling his hair for ketchup despite having a clearly strong sense that there was none.
"Take a shower, Blaine." Kurt demanded in a tone meant to suggest there was no room for negotiation before standing and marching out. When he was outside the room he stopped, and fell to the floor against the wall of the hallway with tears falling from his eyes.
I'm so sorry Blaine... I'm so sorry... I should have been here... I'm so sorry. Now everything's gone because of me.
He struggled to calm himself, and tried to listen to the muffled sound of the shower through the wall as if the falling water could sooth him. He wanted Blaine to sooth him, but his Blaine was gone.
It might have been in a moment of anger after the tears stopped forming, but Kurt pulled out his phone and first texted Racheal to ask her to tell his dad, if he asked, that he was at her house. Then he texted his dad saying Racheal was having trouble and needed him to stay over, to which he was fairly sure his dad doubted. Then he texted Austin. He would have preferred Chandler but he hadn't met Chandler yet. The thought of Chandler, if he did it right, was a significant distraction from the pain of the moment.
Austin replied rather quickly and flirtatiously, which made Kurt happy. Again, not to the same degree that had made him happy with Chandler, but he would live. Then he realized that he knew what school Chandler was from. Maybe... he'd never have to explain to Blaine why this was wrong... he could actually see if it might work out between them. For a bit anyways. He hadn't fully lost hope he could win Blaine eventually.
Kurt stood, wiped his face, and continued to text Austin as a distraction while he walked downstairs and started making gnoochi, only because it could be made fast enough that Blaine wouldn't realize Kurt had spent most of his time crying over him.
Kurt was liking the attention he got from Austin, but he knew that was the only connection they had. He'd still try the date with him, but he went onto Facebook on his phone and added Chandler, getting approved as a friend and a message, Hey cutie, have we met?
Kurt smiled at his phone, knowing how much this would bother his Blaine. But what other choice did he have? He couldn't sit in agony and watch Blaine forever! He needed someone to distract him. And maybe, if Blaine realized Kurt wasn't interested in Sebastian, he'd lower a wall and talk more freely with him. Maybe Finn was right, Kurt thought. Maybe he was coming onto Blaine too strong, and pushing him away as a response. He didn't know what this Blaine liked or how he thought. Kurt only thought he did.
We met a few weeks ago, you gave me your number but I lost it... I get it if you don't remember. ~Kurt. Kurt wasn't sure how he'd become so good at lying.
No, of course I remember! How are you? ~ Chandler
Kurt smiled a little to himself but luckily, just as he remembered, Chandler maintained a strong conversation that Kurt didn't need to moderate. He didn't have a boyfriend to think about. He could respond to Chandler how he wanted to, not that he hadn't abused a few small freedoms the first time around.
"Thank you." Blaine said announcing his arrival. Kurt put his phone down beside him and focused on the pasta. "Kurt..."
"Yeah?" Kurt asked.
"I have something to tell you." Kurt glanced at Blaine curiously and willing to hear anything Blaine might want to tell him. He craved it. "About Friday."
This stopped Kurt's heart for a moment. He shook his head as he thought of every possible thing Blaine would say. No, I can't... I can't. Unless he's going to say he meant what he was saying, my heart can't take this. I'll break down again. "How about we talk about something else?"
"It's real quick." Blaine noted.
"I kind of want to forget about it, to be completely honest." I need to forget your body on mine, your lips on mine, you wanting me and asking for me. I need to stop overthinking why you refused to go home with Sebastian, I can understand why if you were that... ready but not to have sex with him. Smart choice. I applaud you for it but please...Kurt tried to keep a neutrally pleasant expression on his face so Blaine wouldn't feel too bad. His Blaine, at least, would still be dwelling on everything he did wrong and demanding Kurt's opinion on what he'd done, and what he was proud of.
"Are you sure there is nothing I should apologize for?" Kurt knew what he was talking about but rejected the small piece of hope that his Blaine was still alive somewhere in this one. If his Blaine was at all in this one, he was dwelling on what he did. Probably because he kissed Kurt. His Blaine wouldn't deny it, though. "Because I feel like maybe I should."
"Nope." Kurt decided because he couldn't take the heartache. He would allow Blaine his ignorance. "Nothing significant."
"A-alright." Blaine continued. "But I am sorry for how I acted. My behavior was inappropriate and unforgivable, I'm sure. It shouldn't have been your job to babysit me."
Kurt couldn't help but smile, but again refused to feel the hope that his Blaine still existed. He would willing love this Blaine in his place, but would need to really get to know him better. "I don't mind taking care of you, Blaine... Can you pass me the colander?"
They talked as Kurt worked on their projects. Mindlessly almost, which Kurt repeatedly glancing at his phone so he could reply to Chandler. Blaine noticed but didn't comment, and Kurt wasn't sure how to read his face. If it was a desire to focus, Kurt knew this wasn't a problem.
But going to bed was a little awkward. To un-tempt himself with the memories of their future-history, Kurt slept with his back turned to Blaine. He didn't want to see him as he mentally relived every moment he could with his Blaine. He remembered every smile, every hug, every song, every kiss. He mentally wished Blaine was with him now. He imagined over and over that Blaine would suddenly put a hand on his shoulder, roll him over and say "hey Kurt." with a large, love struck smile on his face.
He wished what had happened to him would also happen to Blaine so that, even if they had to relive their younger years, they could relive them together. He was fairly certain that behind him Blaine was struggling to sleep also, but he didn't want to roll over and confront him. He wanted to quietly imagine his Blaine would come to him.
I'll wake up and Blaine will be there. I'll wake up and Blaine will be there. How had he gotten into this situation? Was he supposed to be doing something to get out? How could he know?
Neither Blaine nor Kurt slept much that night and rather than stay up to talk together, they lay quietly in bed contemplating the other. In the morning, although both were partially awake when the alarm went off, both waiting until it rang to get ready for school, then decided to go to the Lima Bean since they both needed caffeine more than food.
Kurt tried desperately to see Blaine as an original rather than a younger version of Kurt's soul mate, but it was difficult, especially when he acted cute, clueless, and innocent as he was that morning.
"Didn't sleep well?" Blaine wondered and Kurt momentarily feared that he'd woken Blaine up. Or maybe it was just fairly obvious by his face that something was wrong.
"Yeah, it's fine." Kurt answered honestly. He should know me if I want to know him. "I was just... overthinking, maybe."
"Really?" How could he have so much energy? "What were you thinking about?"
"I had a really weird dream." Kurt decided thinking maybe he could tell him about their future if he framed it as a dream or story rather than trying to pass it off like a fact. But... Finn understood rather easily...
Blaine didn't have a chance to push further because Burt arrived, which Kurt thought was a little well timed, and greeted, "hey boys. So strange running into the both of you here so early in the morning."
Oh, dad, you are oh so obvious. My story won't change... Plus, I'm an adult now whether you know it or not, and I won't lower myself to teenage level... immaturity is expected of anyone under 25... And I'm being stubborn not immature.
"Blaine's house is on the way, I agreed to pick him up, right Blaine?" Kurt replied without a second thought knowing Blaine could easily destroy the lie if he was allowed to speak first.
"Is that so, Blaine?" Burt looked at Blaine expecting him to be honest, and he probably would have been very transparent if the question hadn't confused him.
"Y-yeah, my house is on the way." Kurt thought it was very obvious that Blaine didn't understand where is house was on the way too, but wouldn't correct Burt.
"Hm." Burt pushed, expecting Kurt to falter, "How's Racheal? Feeling better?"
"Yeah. She's upset that I wasn't Finn though." Kurt replied casually.
"Rules are rules for both of you. Are you coming home tonight, though?" Burt asked, apparently accepting what Kurt had said.
"Yeah, I think so." Kurt answered. He wanted to look to Blaine to know for sure but didn't want his dad to start investigating where he'd been last night.
"Okay, have a good day at school then, Blaine, always a pleasure." Burt surrendered before leaving.
Once he was out the door, Kurt answered the questions he was sure Blaine would ask, "Carol saw you on Friday night and told my dad. Now we have a rule that I can't sleepover with boys and Finn can't sleepover with girls."
"So you told him you were staying at Racheals house." Blaine understood.
"Yes." Kurt smiled a little, but felt hope creeping back into his mind and pushed it away aggressively.
"I didn't think you could lie." Kurt noticed something in Blaine's voice but wasn't sure what it was so he left it.
Back in the car Blaine asked, "So what was your dream about?"
"What?" Kurt had decided he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"The one that kept you awake?"
"Oh." Kurt shrugged, not wanting to scare Blaine away with talk of engagement and their long lasting love they'd been sure would last for ages. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"Why not? I tell you everything." Kurt really hoped that wasn't the case because he had really started feeling like he didn't know Blaine at all.
Kurt smirked and wished he'd phrased it as something other than a dream. "You'll think it's weird."
"No I won't."
"You're dating Sebastian." Kurt noted. And surely it wouldn't make him feel comfortable to have Kurt conveniently forget that.
"I'm breaking up with him." Kurt almost thought he'd imagined the words when Blaine said them. He waited a moment to replay them in his head then gasped, "What?"
"I'm... going to... break up with Sebastian." He's... the hope suddenly flooded back into Kurt with a force he wouldn't have allowed and he couldn't maintain it.
"Why?" He needed to know this. He wasn't sure exactly what his voice sounded like to Blaine, and he wanted to be sympathetic, but it was hard when Kurt was so unbelievably happy... But maybe he'd found someone else. Someone who wasn't Kurt either. Kurt tried to remind himself of that knowing how painful it would be if and when the hope was pulled suddenly from him, or smothered.
"I've been thinking about it for a while." Blaine explained. "But Friday night was kind of my last straw. I don't want to be the kind of person who goes out and gets out of control. Alcohol isn't an excuse. And when I'm with him I always seem to be my worst self. It's not his fault, I know, but I'd think I need to re-grasp who I am on my own for a bit."
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
Kurt tried to control himself, remembering how long after Jerome... Jeda... Jeremiah Blaine had taken to realize he had feelings for Kurt, and that was after knowing how willing Kurt was. He couldn't expect any different and now Blaine would need even more time. And Kurt didn't just want to prep him into being his own boyfriend. Plus, how could he know Blaine would react the same... he still could have a back up planned.
"Do you agree?" Blaine wondered sounding a little unsure which made Kurt's stomach turn. He could still back out.
"Oh, yes. I think you s-should do whatever is best for you. When are you going to tell him?" Do you want me to tell him with you? I can tell him for you if you really need. Can you record what he says and does? Screw you, Sebastian.
"I'm not sure, I keep putting it off." Blaine replied.
"You shouldn't wait too long." Kurt answered more for himself than Blaine. "The longer you put it off, the more messy it will be."
"Tell me about this dream." Blaine attempted but Kurt couldn't focus on that. "I won't find it weird."
He didn't need to tell Blaine anything. He didn't need to convince him they were meant to be. "It seems a little stupid now."
"All dreams are stupid." Blaine stated almost excitedly. "I had a dream I was a pumpkin. What was yours."
Kurt laughed, nervously happy as he pulled into school. "I'll tell you about it later." But he didn't need to anymore. Not if Blaine could really end it with Sebastian.
Kurt continued to text Chandler, and occasionally Austin when he texted him, as a distraction from Blaine. He knew waiting idle would drive him insane, and he couldn't keep texting Blaine about it because it made him too nervous. Occasionally, though, Blaine would text him for advice on how.
Do it like a bandaid... Just rip it off, get it over with ~ Kurt
He says he's had a really bad day. Should I wait? ~Blaine
The longer you wait, the more excuses you'll come up with ~ Kurt
Thank you xo ~ Blaine
Kurt had to take a breath and turn to his homework because he couldn't stomach the feelings he was having. Although he'd spent this part of the year at McKinnley, the homework covered generally the same topics and was therefore repetitive and didn't take too much of Kurt's focus.
By the end of the day, Kurt was fairly certain they hadn't broken up. In Warblers practice Kurt danced, and sang a song, with Austin but after informed him that he thought it would be better if they remained friends. And after school he practiced for his math test as planned while checking his phone every three minutes for an update from Blaine. By the end of the night, he surrendered all hope and went to bed with tear stained cheeks, angry that he'd even fantasied the idea of him and Blaine again so soon.
He was not depressed when he went to school, but also not happy. Burt had informed him that McKinnley had opened a Bully Whips group led by Santana and Korofsky and the school wanted to talk to them about returning. Kurt, beaten down and rather preferring the bullying to the constant reminders of what he'd lost, agreed to the sit down.
Kurt had actually gotten Finn to give Santana the idea so that he could return sooner, and informed Finn that Korofsky was gay which Finn had a hard time comprehending and, Kurt feared, keeping it a secret. He'd told Finn to leave the tiniest hints for Santana to pick up, and to not actually tell her. He'd originally tried to have Finn leave Santana the hints without Finn knowing what he was hinting, but Finn kept missing the point.
Kurt avoided Blaine and waited for the end of the week when he could meet at McKinnley and hopefully return. He wasn't sure if Korofsky had changed as much, and frankly he didn't care. Right now, he was feeling like Korofsky could kill him and it would be doing him a favour.
Kurt was waiting in the courtyard for Mercedes to text him when glee was over. It might run late but Kurt didn't care. He was willing to wait. He needed a shoulder to cry on and she'd always been one of his first choices.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kurt didn't have time to look up when he was pushed into the school wall and held there by his collar. He looked up, ready to complain but realized he was face to face with a very angry Sebastian. "You told him to dump me? Did you really think I'd be okay with that?"
Sebastian lifted his fist to punch Kurt who spoke faster than he could swing, "Have fun getting expelled."
Sebastian hesitated then, enough that Kurt could try to push him away but he was shoved into the wall again.
"What the hell did you say to him?" Sebastian demanded. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Sebastian." Both Sebastian and Kurt looked over Sebastians shoulder at Blaine marching angrily over. "Stop it. Kurt had nothing to do with this. It was my choice."
"Oh, the hell he had nothing to do with it. You wouldn't break up with me." Sebastian spat at Kurt who waited casually against the wall Sebastian held him to.
Blaine pushed Sebastian's arms away then looked up at him angrily. "I said we should try taking a break for a while, but now I'm thinking it should be a clean break up."
"What the hell did he say to you, Blaine?!" Sebastian demanded. They'd attracted a small audience.
"Nothing!" Blaine snapped. "But I'm sick of always trying to be to your standard. And I'm tired of always doubting my place in your life and I don't like who I am with you, and beyond that, I don't actually need to explain why I don't want to be with you anymore."
"You're expect me to believe Kurt had no part in this?!" Sebastian demanded.
"No, but you know what?" Blaine asked then turned to Kurt, grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss that shocked Kurt to his core. Not that he minded it of course, and it woke him up a little inside, though he wished it didn't. "And, we've slept together... twice. Let's go."
Blaine grabbed Kurt by the hand and dragged him towards the parking lot, with Kurt trailing behind saying, "In a platonic way." To the spectators, hoping to salvage Blaine's reputation a small amount.
Sorry if the end of this chapter seems a little rushed. I was trying to get it out fast and will update. But please let me know what you liked and didn't like so I can fix it in the updates! Thank you so much for reading! The next chapter will hopefully be soon!