A/N: The quote at the end is a reference to the Season 3, Episode 10, "Fathers and Sons": Erin says this to Danny, who says that it sounds like something their mother would say.
Erin gave up on trying to pour the water.
Her hands were shaking too hard.
Less than 48 hours ago, her big brother—Iraqi War veteran, hard- $$ detective, husband and father of two—had tried to kill himself.
She still couldn't believe it.
She glanced into the dining room, where Linda was setting the table.
Linda had been the one to insist that they needed to come home, sleep in their beds, go to Mass, and eat real food.
Linda came back in, put the butter knives away and got out the steak knives. "Thanks for getting the water," she whispered.
Erin nodded and tried again to pour it. This time she only spilled a little bit.
Her sister-in-law looked like crap—face ashen, eyes red-rimmed.
She reached for Linda's hand and set the knives down, then slipped her arm around her sister-in-law's shoulders. "How are you?" she asked quietly.
Linda shook her head. "I don't know. I know Danny's safe right now. He can't hurt himself. Doc is spending as much time with him as the hospital will let him—even just sitting there while he sleeps. But…" She trailed off.
Erin squeezed her shoulder. "He's gonna be okay. He has to be okay. I can't lose another brother—especially not at his own hand."
Linda nodded, swallowed hard. "Danny told me that he talked to Joe, when Sean was in that coma, asked him to pray for Sean. I think maybe we should do the same for Danny now."
Erin couldn't swallow the lump in her throat. She nodded and closed her eyes. Joe, if you're in heaven and you can hear me…beg the Good Lord to save my brother from himself. I can't lose another brother!
She swallowed hard. "What do the boys know?"
"They know that he crashed the car. Jack guessed that…that he'd tried to hurt himself. I'm taking both boys to Dr. Bell's tomorrow."
"Good. I was…going to call in to work, but since we can't see him…I'd go batty stuck at home all week."
Linda nodded. "I know. Me too. That's why the boys are going to school tomorrow and I'm going to work a shift. Otherwise I'll sit around the house and drink an entire bottle of wine."
"Same." She swallowed. "Have they…transferred him yet?"
Linda shook her head. "No. Probably tomorrow. He's still sleeping a lot, and confused, and Dr. Dawson is advocating that he needs to show a bit more physical healing before they move him. I'm going to take some of this food over later, for Dr. Dawson and for Padre Donovan. They're being so good to us."
Dinner was a subdued affair.
Her grandfather led grace.
"I don't like family dinner when Dad's not here," Sean muttered.
"Well, hopefully he'll be home for family dinner next week," her dad said.
"Is Dad gonna be okay?" Jack asked.
"Well, his head's hurt and his arm and ribs are broken, but those will heal."
"No, I meant, like, him being really sad and trying to kill himself," the teen said bluntly.
Sean pushed his chair back and fled the table.
Linda followed him.
Her dad pushed his chair back from the table. "Your dad's getting help, Jack. He's safe. He's talking about the things that make him sad. He's getting different medication to help him. When he comes home, Aunt Erin and Uncle Jamie and your mom and I are all going to take time off work so we can hang out with him."
"If I hadn't done that stupid presentation and made Dad think about Iraq, none of this would have happened," Jack said.
"Jack, this is not your fault," Frank said firmly. "The case your dad was working on…made him remember things he didn't want to remember. And remembering those things…made him so sad that he didn't want to live anymore. This is not your fault."
Jack set his fork down. "May I be excused? I'm going to go find Mom and Sean."
"Take your plate to the kitchen," Henry said.
"Thanks," Jack muttered, grabbed his plate, and left.
Erin stared at her plate. Danny and Linda's neighbors had brought the food over, and it looked delicious, but it tasted like cardboard.
It had been six weeks since Danny had left family dinner to go find John and Tommy Russell.
Six weeks since her older brother's life had started to fall apart.
She looked around the table. "You really think Danny's going to pull through?"
"I believe that he will," her dad said. "And as your mother used to say, 'Sometimes believing something is more powerful than knowing it.'"