A/N: Hi, there! This is my very first Reylo fic, and it takes place somewhere between TLJ and TROS. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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BE WITH ME
She couldn't sleep.
She was so tired, physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. Lying down alone in her quarters, there was only so much going on inside her head.
It'd been months since she started training with Leia Organa. The General had her ways of the Force and had been teaching the young woman how to manage her inner power as much as she could. Darker times were yet to come and she should be prepared.
Be with me, she mentalized for what felt like the millionth time that week, but exhaustion prevented her to focus. Be with me. She was supposed to be summoning her Jedi ancestors, guidance from the above to do the right thing when the time came. They should be closing the gap between herself and the Force, but the attempts had shown themselves quite frustrating so far.
Her jaded mind started wandering around that last time someone actually reached out for her, asked her to join them. To join him. Be with him...
It was hard to ignore his memory from her mind. It had been months since they last saw each other. That fateful night… Snoke was dead and he had killed him. To save her. They'd fought on the same side for the very first time, and then he had offered everything to her, said everything that mattered for a lone orphan — she mattered. She meant something, so much for him. For a moment she'd considered surrendering, taking his hand just to make all the pain go away, to see his conflicted mind settle, to give his heart some peace. To give herself some ease.
It would have been easier that way, but she knew there was more for him. And for her, because later that night, with restored strength, she'd finally discovered the intensity of the Force within herself as she rescued the remaining Resistance rebels from Kylo Ren's fury.
Kylo Ren...what a ridiculous name, she first thought, scoffing. What a ridiculously powerful name, another part of her suggested.
Kylo Ren... My sweet Ben...
She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on a vague memory. Giving in, she tried to bring his face from the back of her head, putting together pieces of so many past encounters. He had changed so much from the very first time she met him, and yet not changed at all.
A masked murderer, a terrifying interrogator, a cruel monster.
A lost boy, a mysterious gentleman, a loving savior.
The Supreme Leader of the First Order.
He was so confusing, so ambiguous. He was bathed in darkness and she'd experienced more than once how cruel he could be to the ones who happened to step on his path. Yet, the gentleness he used to speak with her through the Bond was something else. It was a warm, tempting sensation she couldn't recoil ever felling before. It tugged inside her chest, prickling down her skin, tingling in between her thighs. And that last time, when he offered her his hand... We could rule together... it took all the Light inside of her to reject his pleading eyes. Better be tortured, she remembered thinking.
She could see him behind closed eyes and couldn't help but smile. She'd focused on a particular memory, that fateful connection when he had his shirt off. Oh Maker! She'd been so embarrassed, but he seemed smugly proud of what was being displayed just for her. So tall, so well-built. His pale skin glowered in the darkness of their Bond, the long scar she'd given him evident from his forehead to his muscular chest. She'd braced herself not to succumb to her filthy desires later in bed that night.
But now it was only a memory. A taunting memory she held dear for frustrating nights like these. Force, she felt disgusting sometimes! He was the enemy, the worst of them, but she couldn't help it. He made her feel things she didn't want to, things she'd hardly ever cared about. She'd always been alone in Jakku, and since she'd joined the Resistance, she'd found new purpose in life, a real matter to focus on. Men, sexual tension, physical contact... no, it was never planned.
She should just try and release her desires and frustration another way. There were so many other guys in the Resistance, many who surely shared her ideals — and had not had intercourse in a while too. Poe, Finn... any other guy would do! It would be so much easier, but frankly, there was no real attraction. Not at her end, anyway.
She was madly attracted to the only man in the galaxy who she wasn't supposed to.
Kylo Ren.
Tension built in her lower abdomen and her back arched slightly, her thighs pressing together to release the ache. She wouldn't give in. She couldn't. But it was only her right now. It'd been months she'd closed the Bond and hadn't heard from him ever since. Her training with Leia had made her stronger with the Force, and maybe she deserved some release. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, Force forgive her.
Hands roamed down her body, over the cream colored gown she had on. Neck, breasts, belly, butt. She contorted to every touch, imagining it was him the one exploring her curves. It felt a bit silly, after all, she'd never thought of herself as a sensual woman, someone desirable, but she pushed those thoughts aside as his imaginary hands explored her body by the candlelight.
One of the straps of her sleeveless gown slipped off her shoulders, exposing her hot skin to the midnight air. She moaned as her fingertips ghosted over the exposed area, nearly uncovering her breasts. She could feel her nipples harden under the thin fabric, and oh how she wanted to give in. Her mind forged a vision of his plush lips brushing against them, nibbling and sucking, and heat grew in the apex of her thighs.
"Oh Ben," she whispered, biting on her lower lip.
It was too much. She Force locked the door of her quarters before going further. It was a lazy misuse of the Force, but she wasn't so concerned right now about it. She wanted release.
One hand played with her sensitive nipples and the other reached down, feeling the warmth that overwhelmed her underwear. It was damp, tingling, but she didn't dare to slip her fingers underneath it. Not yet. She wanted to slowly create new fantasies about him, record them deep inside her brain. His weight above her, his taut muscles moving against her palms, his strong fingers painfully squeezing her flesh. Oh Force...
She shouldn't. It felt almost like betrayal to the Resistance. Sleeping with the enemy... but she wasn't actually sleeping, right? Maybe this was even worse? Feeding emotions she would never be able to fulfill, obsessing about hands that would never touch her, lips that would never kiss her, a man who, she was certain, was incapable of love.
Love? What was she thinking? She opened her eyes, gazed at the low ceiling above her. She was still flushed and it was difficult to breath. Why did she think about love? It wasn't love she felt for him, and it definitely wasn't love what he felt for her. Oh Maker, so much conflict...
Her hands had stopped their previous explorations and were now still at her sides. However, his image was still so vivid before her, even with eyes wide open. Hovering above her bed, he felt real, almost palpable, and she kept staring at him — at least, her vision of him —, a blissful smile taking over her features as she fluttered her eyes shut again.
Be with me.
"Rey..."
—————
He'd woken up to thoughts of her. It was like she was calling him in his sleep, summoning his presence in dreams he couldn't quite remember. He could sense her surrounding him.
"Rey," he whispered into the dark, but sleepiness still felt stronger than the Force. His eyes remained closed for a few moments until he felt it again.
Kylo Ren, her quiet voice echoed inside his mind, but it was the middle of the night. She couldn't possibly be trying contact. Since Snoke's death, he'd never heard from her or felt her through the Bond. It was as if it had ceased to exist. Not that he hadn't tried to reach out. Oh, he tried... so many damn times, but at some point he accepted the truth — the Bond was dead along with his master. That lying manipulative bastard had fooled him with this made up crap, using him, making him believe they were special, meant to be. Lies, all lies...
"Oh Ben..."
It must be still a dream, he thought, and if it was, he didn't want to wake up. He'd had some of those before. They were so real, as if she was actually trying to reach out through the Bond. Hearing her voice was soothing, even if it was a lie inside his head.
Sleep was slowly dissipating the more he thought about her, and his awareness increased by the second. Then he was sure — it was real. It was her. Her Force signature was unmistakable. Warm, fluid, passionate, full of Light.
Black sheets were pushed off of him in violent motions. He needed space, he needed to breath. His naked chest rose up and down with each breath and he felt pressure growing inside his dark pants. Damn it. Again. Darkness enveloped him in his quarters, but the wide view screen displayed the millions of stars in the galaxy. She must be in one of those planets right now, and that was the final push to make him concentrate.
"Rey," he called her again firmly and, almost like magic, her walls were taken down. He could only see her face surrounded by darkness, smooth skin slightly flushed and her mouth agape. Chestnut strands of hair were splayed around like an angelical frame, probably over a pillow he could not quite see. It was a vision he was never granted before. She looked even more beautiful without the three signature buns, and he wondered if someone else had ever seen her like that before.
He hoped not.
She opened her eyes, but there was no disdain in them as he was used to. It was more like bliss, and she slowly blinked. Was she seeing him too?
"It's been so long," he quietly remarked, not containing the small smile that crept on his lips as he contemplated her beauty.
She blinked. Again and again, until her face started to contort into what seemed like fear and confusion.
"What? How long have you been there?" She asked angrily, as if she had suddenly realized it was really him.
"Wish I was for longer."
"You shouldn't be here. Get out of my head!"
Yes, it was her alright. Not his imagination, no. The Bond was pretty much alive and that girl on the other side was real.
There was a shift in the Bond as she tried to block him out again, but he couldn't let her go.
"You were calling me, Rey."
"I was not." The words were full of hate, but her tone was much softer. He could sense her defenses wobble, transiting between weak and strong, willing to shut down and give in, but he remained focused. He couldn't lose her now. It'd been too long.
"You certainly were thinking about me then," he suggested and she didn't deny. In fact, she held an intense gaze on him and the vision increased the hardness inside his pants. "I know I was thinking about you."
"What?"
"Please, let me see you," he commanded in his much soft tone. He always tried to be gentle to her while connected. She was such a strong woman, but yet so delicate when she allowed that layer to rise. Even when she turned him crazy sometimes, some part of him didn't let him snap at her. In fact, he wanted her to feel safe, at peace around him, just as he felt every time he looked at her. "I wanna see you, Rey."
She exhaled once, twice. With every breath, her form was more and more clear to his vision. She was lying down, for sure, in a thin cream colored nightgown like he'd never seen before. So feminine and beautiful. Warm orange lights flickered over her body. A candle perhaps... The warrior façade replaced by a nymph. From nemesis to goddess.
He allowed her to see him too. Half naked, his pale skin reflecting the blueish shades of the stars outside. Her eyes skimmed his large form shamelessly, not like the first time she saw him like this. Desire. He could sense it. Her feelings were crystal clear to him now, mirroring his own through the Bond.
His hardness twitched again, but it felt different from before. It was as if his feelings and hers were mingled inside his body and mind. Was she thinking about him in that way too? He slowly reached down, never tearing his gaze off of her, and grabbed his shaft over the dark pants. Even in between his large fingers, he hoped she would notice how engorged it was just for her.
"Do you see it? Do you feel it, Rey?" He said firmly, and she gasped on the other side. "This is you. You do this to me."
"No," she mouthed what her mind screamed out, even though her body reacted the opposite way. Her back arched in such an erotic way, and it was clear that she was conflicted inside. He was her arch-nemesis, for Maker's sake. The Dark to her Light, cold to her warmth. It was all sorts of wrong, and yet, she didn't seem to ignore the pull he'd got on her body and soul.
Only this time he didn't use an inch of the Force.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked while tossing and turning with desire. Her hands wandered over the thin fabric she was wearing, highlighting every curve of her body before his hungry eyes.
He was going crazy with the sight. Her skin was so smooth, so clean, and he couldn't help but rub his member a bit harder over the baggy pants. He wanted release. For him. For her.
"Show me what you were doing before I got here."
He wasn't using his mind tricks to make her comply, so it was quite surprising to see her surrendering to his demands without the help of the Force for the first time ever. She didn't even hesitate to explore her body once more. One of her hands slowly slipped down her stomach, pushing the hem of the nightgown up and exposing her linen underwear.
Glorious.
He watched intently as she slowly rubbed her delicate fingers over the fabric, completely lost in his presence. She closed her eyes for a moment and a moan escaped her lips, making his shaft twitch under his hand. He groaned with want and maybe it was too loud — he couldn't possibly know — but it was enough to snap her from the haze.
"This is so wrong," she whined almost out of breath. Her fingers shot to her head, the further away from where they should be right now, and she seemed lost, confused. "I must go."
"Wait," he exclaimed, almost shouting. She wouldn't dare leave him in this state. "Don't go. Please, Rey..."
He swallowed dryly. Pleading was absolutely not the ways of a Supreme Leader, but somehow she had him wrapped around her finger and he would do nearly anything for her. His throat went dry and it needed water, but having her here was more vital at the moment. He had to focus, keep her close, confident in him.
"Why would I stay?" Her words came out just above a whisper. She probably felt his defenses weaken at the moment. He was making himself bare to her, but honesty he didn't care anymore. It was the only way to her heart.
"Because I want you. And it's killing me," he confessed. "Please, help me ease this pain, Rey…"
"Oh Ben..."
"What do I have to do to make you stay?" He offered, ignoring the name she used. For her, he could be Ben Solo. It didn't matter as long as she didn't shut him off again.
"I don't know! I'm so scared," she lamented. It was hard for both of them to be tempted by opposite sides of the Force.
"I know. But we're bonding again, only in a different way. Do you trust me?" He asked softly.
A moment passed as they locked eyes. All of his forces were focused on her, on mentalizing how much she meant to him, how much he wanted her, needed her. Every inch of his huge form ached for her and he sensed she felt the same. Blood rushing down his spine, flushing his skin as the Bond got stronger by the second.
"I do," she finally said.
No more words were necessary. He reached down again, this time exposing his hardness for her, shameless and proud, and the corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards as her eyes grew wide at the vision. He wondered if she'd ever seen another cock before in her life. That traitor's maybe? He had sensed his feelings for her before. Had she ever corresponded him? He hoped not. It would be too painful. But even so, he was sure he was better than that loser. Bigger, stronger, much more powerful.
A large hand stroked himself as she finally gave in, slipping her fingers underneath the delicate underwear. She didn't tear her eyes away from his as she maneuvered around her sex, even when pleasure lured her into oblivion.
"Take those off," he commanded, and she did, slipping the offending garment down her ankles, the hem of her gown askew showing off her navel. Her fingers came back to her delicious pussy, skillfully working on it as two of them slipped in and out of her soaking wet slit. Oh yes, she had done that before, and the thought almost sent him to the edge.
It was a new angle he'd never seen before. He'd had his ways with women before, after all he had been an important member of the First Order for a few years now. The prospection of power and position was seductive, tempting, so women would fall to his feet, deluding themselves they had a shot. But mating was never his priority in life. To be honest, he didn't think about it most of the time, and maybe that's why he was growing more and more upset lately. His wild obsession for someone — for her — was new to him, and only her would be enough to fulfill his needs.
She looked amazing, reckless. One of the straps of her nightgown was off her shoulders and now she was caressing her exposed breast, nipple rosy and hard to the touch. Oh, how he wanted to capture that sensitive skin in between his lips, tauntingly nib them until she was screaming in pleasure. If he couldn't actually do it, he would at least try and implant his fantasy inside her mind. Apparently it worked, because she threw her head back then, exposing her sweaty neck and breasts to him, her fingers diving deeper in between her thighs.
"Maker, Ben!" She screamed in pleasure.
"I wanna see you come. Come to me, sweetheart," he growled, furiously thrusting himself into his hand. It was wonderful and painful at the same time, having her so close and so far away from him. He almost felt hot tears pool in his eyes, the need of her coursing through his veins when the unexpected happened.
She reached out.
One of her dainty hands, the one which once played with her lovely breasts, shot out into the ether. She looked up at him expectantly, but his heart had stopped for a moment. It was like the roles had been reversed and she was the one calling him in. She wanted him to join her, if not for making the galaxy a better place, at least to make this night a better one for both of them.
"Please, Ben. I need this," she pleaded breathlessly, her hazel eyes flickering with sincerity.
And he responded as she wanted him to, lacing his large fingers with her delicate ones, palms fiercely pressed against each other. They had touched through the Bond once before. It'd been only for a brief moment, and only their fingertips had connected, but it'd felt like everything in the universe was back in place. He could still remember how warmth spread through his every molecule, a sense of home, of being at the right place in the universe. It was transcendent.
But this... he didn't have the exact words to explain how heavenly amazing it felt. Her presence quickly spread within him fulfilling every pore of his sensitive skin. She was here. Right here. There was no denying. Her vision hovered above his bed, but her body weighted over him. It was palpable, real. He could almost feel her taste on his tongue, her earthy scent invading his nostrils. She was here.
"I've wanted this for so long, Rey," he confessed. She looked so beautiful, so lost in the moment that it was bringing him so damn close to the edge. But he wanted it to last longer. It was a way too incredible feeling to be over so soon. He needed more.
An idea occurred to him. He needed to act fast or else it might not work, but he didn't want to scare her either. Slowing his pace on his shaft, he squeezed her hand to prevent from losing the connection.
"Why are you slowing down?" She complained, obviously annoyed that his pleasure wasn't echoing with the same strength within herself.
"I wanna try something, but I need you to trust me."
"What...?"
"Be with me, Rey," he said softly and he was sure the corners of her lips curved up in an odd way. Was it surprise? Bliss?
"I am. I am with you, Ben," she answered after a moment. "But please hurry up!"
It was all he needed to focus, and then he let go of his hardness. He tried to pull her closer with their connected hands while reached for her with his now free one. He threw himself at the liquid walls of the Bond, almost strangling his mind to exertion. It was harder than he thought, but it might be his only chance, so he pushed and pushed, until he felt a strong pull coming from the other side.
She was mirroring his attempts, hurtling herself against the Bond, until hell broke loose and they crushed against each other like magnets.
Everything seemed to slow down. It was quiet, like they were immersed in hot fluid, only the muffled sound of them both breathing against each other. There was no more up and down, left or right. Her arms and legs embraced his neck and waist tightly as he held her in between his strong arms, his face buried on the crook of her neck as if life depended on it. His feet dangled as they slowly floated in darkness, the bed he was lying down only a vage memory right now.
They'd made it. Them both did this, wanted this.
He was the first one to move, pulling back just a little bit, only the right amount so he could see her face. Her lips parted, hazel eyes fixed on him as strands of hair floated around. He wanted to say something, assure her how beautiful she was, but he was stunned by her overwhelming presence. However, the way she looked intensely at him soon made him realize that he didn't need words anymore. She knew it. She could feel his emotions just as much as he did hers.
She embraced him with more intensity, her body writhing against his own, and then he realized they were both completely naked. Trousers, nightgowns, all gone like they'd never existed. There was only the heavenly feeling of skin on skin, their emotions bare and barrier-free.
He moved one hand to her bottom, pulling her flesh against his hardness, which elicited a wanton sound from her like he'd never heard before. She was wet alright, her juices damping his skin as they rubbed their fleshes in tandem.
"Oh, Force, Rey," he groaned, holding her head close to his with one hand.
"Kiss me," she whispered, her glossy lips so close to him, and he caved with no hesitation.
It started with a chaste touch of lips, slow and languid. Hers were so soft against his, and he tasted them once, twice, three times, before she sensually shot her tongue into his mouth, welcoming him in. Warm and sweet. They'd never kissed each other before, but it was like they were made for this. It was perfect.
"Ben," she murmured in between kisses, and he slipped his lips along her cheek, her jaw, licked her earlobe, until he reached that sweet spot where her neck met her shoulder, making her shudder. Oh, sweet, sweet flesh. She tasted so damn good he could die already. He felt her pull his head further down and before he knew it, he finally had his hungry mouth around her delicious nipple. His tongue slowly circled the sensitive rosy spot, teeth sensually nibbling at it, and he couldn't help but smile against her skin as her loud moans echoed into the ether.
Hands passionately wandered around like a beautiful ballet of limbs. She dug her nails into his brawny back, and pulled at his scalp, messing his dark in the most taunting way. At the same time, he squeezed her tights, her bottom, her back, almost bruising her creamy skin with want. He wanted more, but it was up to her to go any further. He'd once been an intruder on her mind, taking whatever he wanted from there, but time's a teacher and he knew better not to do it again.
"Ben," she called again as he explored the sensitive skin between her breasts with his lips. "Ben, please, love."
Love.
His explorations slowed down and he looked up at her, entranced by the softness she used to say those words. Love. She pulled him up to another reassuring kiss, like she wanted to make a point.
"I want you so much," he whispered against her lips.
"Than take me."
She reached down between their bodies and stroke his shaft a few times, before guiding him to her entrance. He felt his body melt at her touch and his eyelids fluttered closed, but he didn't let go of her. He needed her body as close as possible or else he would faint. Slowly, his eyes opened again and fixed on hers as he positioned himself to enter her.
One cautious thrust. She bit her bottom lip. Another deeper one. She gasped. Another one, and another, and she held him tightly, as their foreheads touched. He reached the deepest of her, and he was sure there wasn't anything else better in life than that feeling. She was warm and welcoming and so, so damn tight around him.
He held her gaze for a few moments, drinking in her beauty before he started moving. They were floating in darkness and there was no visible leverage to help him pump in and out of her, but somehow their movements were perfectly in sync, each thrust evoking sparks inside his chest, waves of pleasure undulating through the Bond.
She was perfect. Her hips rolled around him, allowing that sweet, sweet bundle of nerves to rub against his pubes, and she gasped in ecstasy. She felt so good, and he increased speed, trying to reach further and further deep inside of her. She was close, he could feel it through their Bond, and so was he.
"I wanna hear you scream," he whispered to her ear as he thrusted and thrusted, not sure how much longer he could last.
"Maker, Beeen," she whined loudly, her walls tightening by the second around him. It was probably the happiest moment of is life to see her so carefree like this, hear her say his... name like this, but he didn't smile until she started shivering around his length. Yes, that was it. She was coming so hard and he finally let go, filling her with all the love he could pour out of his being.
There was only the sound of their expensed breaths as they embraced each other for what seemed like a lifetime. She sleepily opened her eyes and met his, tired smiles spread on their faces. She was happy too, he could see on her satisfied face and feel inside her mind. He caressed her cheek and felt her gently tug on his hair, drawing him closer for one last kiss.
As he closed his eyes, everything faded away, and there was only the loving feeling of her lips on his.
—————
It'd been surreal, something she'd never experienced before. Something she didn't even know it was possible. A telepathic lovemaking… It didn't even make sense.
But nothing about Kylo Ren… Ben actually made sense.
He'd been inside her only a minute ago, but darkness had enveloped them after they reached climax. Then she'd felt a smooth wave bring her back to reality, and she found herself lying on her single bed in her quarters again, the diminishing candle light flickering on the humble nightstand.
But he wasn't gone yet. Like nothing had happened, his image still hovered above her bed, their joined hands keeping the Bond alive, and she smiled. Be with me, she'd called earlier, and he indeed was still here.
His damp chest rose up and down with each breath. He'd worked out alright, and she realized he still had his large hand around his length, his precious seeds glistening all over his stomach. Her fingers were still inside her core too, and she felt her face flush with a hint of embarrassment. Maker, what had actually happened? It'd felt so real...
"Are you okay?" He quietly asked with his worried eyes fixed on hers. He was cute when he was concerned about her.
She hesitated for a second. Was she okay? She'd had sex — or something around that — with the Supreme Leader of the First Order, she shouldn't be okay. She should feel dirty, sold, like a traitor. And yet, she felt completely fulfilled with peace and joy.
"Yes," she finally admitted with a shy smile on her face and conviction in her heart. "Yes, I'm fine. You?"
"I'm more than fine." He lightly chuckled, showing his adorable teeth once more. She'd never seen him smile so much since they first met, and the sight was endearing. She wondered if someone else also had this effect on him, or if it was something kept special just for her.
She felt an uneasy wave coming from within him, which she translated it as discomfort with their after-sex fluids. He had come hard over his taut stomach, but couldn't seem to want to let go of her. She couldn't blame him though. The sparks around their enlaced fingertips were still much alive.
"It's okay," she said reassuringly. "I know you have to clean yourself up."
"Huh..."
"I promise I'm not going anywhere, Ben. Besides, I gotta clean myself too." She finally slid her slick fingers off her pussy and sucked on them, never tearing her eyes of his. "See?"
"Oh, please, don't do that," he groaned painfully, and she giggled.
"Just go on. I'll be right here."
Reluctantly, he let go of her hand and moved to what she reasoned it was the edge of his bed. Did he had a king size bed now that he was the Supreme Leader, or did he still sleep on one of those narrow cots usually found on space ships? She'd never know. They'd never be able to actually share a bed together.
While he cleaned his shaft and abdomen with a tiny cloth, she put her underwear back on and straightened the nightgown covering her body. She laid on her side then, getting herself comfortable, and soon he joined her, mirroring her in their bound pillow talk. His sleeping pants covered his tempting areas now, but his muscular chest was still bare to her. She couldn't complain.
"Hi," she offered quietly.
"Hello," he said softly, the blissful smile never leaving his face. He was so handsome, so gentle, that if she didn't knew about all the monstrosities he'd done before, she was sure she could love him.
"I'm glad you reached out tonight," he said after a few moments.
"Did I wake you up? I feel like I did."
"Well, yes. But it was worth it." They both laughed and it felt so good to feel happiness fluidly flowing through the Bond, but then his expression shifted to what seemed like a hint of sadness. "I thought we weren't bound anymore," he said pensively.
"Uh… I closed it, the Bond," she pointed out, uncertain if she was hurting him with the truth. "I've been learning how to keep my walls up when I want it."
"Oh," was all of his response. Yes, he was definitely hurt, his eyes accused that. They fell into an awkward silence until he eventually broke it. "So you've been training, huh?"
Of course he would be interested in her training. He'd been so eager to be her teacher back when they first met, seeing all of her potential with the Force — with the Dark side of the Force. Except she didn't want anything to do with the Dark, no matter how much that tiny little pull insisted on visiting her every now and then.
"I guess I shouldn't be talking about this with you," she cut him off.
"No, Rey, it's okay. There's no need to fear," he said sincerely. "It actually brings me so much joy to know you're finally learning how to control the Force. You're so powerful, Rey..."
"And yet, I can't seem to bring you back to the Light," she said somberly.
It didn't come unnoticed to her lover, and he sighed heavily. That was also a difficult topic for him apparently.
"You know, it's funny," she said thoughtfully. "I've been learning about meditation for a while now, trying to reach out for something... someone within the Light, but everytime I end up at the same point."
He arched his eyebrows in anticipation and curiosity.
"You," she answered, quite shocked at her own admission, and he looked as stunned as herself. "Not Luke, not the legendary Obi-wan Kenobi, not any other ancient Jedi. It's always you."
He blinked a few times. "Well, I was a Padawan once. The confusion is understandable."
"I'm not sure it's a simple confusion."
He shut his eyes painfully and rolled over onto his back. He was definitely trying to stay calm, in control of his emotions around her. The energy echoed inside of her and she held her breath waiting for what was going to be his retort.
After a few moments, he opened his eyes again and locked his gaze on the imaginary ceiling above them, his handsome silhouette painted in cool shades of blue.
"You know, I fantasized about teaching you the ways of the Force for so long back in the day, since we first met," he said as calmly as he could, his jaw slightly clenching. "But over time, I've come to realize that I could never be your master."
"And why's that?" She said almost in a whisper, never tearing her eyes off of him.
"We're equals, Rey," he explained, finally turning his face to her. "We're perfect opposites of the same coin. You're the Light to my Dark, so we must coexist to maintain the balance of the Force."
"That's not true," she denied, propping herself up on one elbow, her chestnut waves falling over her shoulder. "I can feel your pulls to the Light."
"And I, yours to the Dark."
"Only because of this ridiculous Bond!" Her free hand angrily flew about then settled fiercely over her chest, clutching at the thin fabric of her nightgown. "I know in my heart that there's still Light in you, that Ben Solo is hiding deep down your soul."
"Ben Solo is dead, Rey," he told her kind of harshly.
"I don't believe that. I feel him. What we just shared here, it's him, you. The real you, Ben!"
"For Maker's sake..."
She was getting under his skin, she could feel it. The signature rage building up in his core, radiating towards her as he hid his agonizing face behind his large hands. But she went on before he could keep talking.
"Leia thinks it too! She's never stopped believing you'll come back someday."
"Leia Organa is a manipulative liar," he finally yelled, pushing himself up to a sitting position. He looked bigger and menacing towering over her, and she slightly flinched at his aggressive tone. Kylo Ren's tone. "No matter how much you worship her, she will disappoint you someday."
"She's my master and I trust her," she retorted firmly, fighting the quivering of her chin.
He scoffed. "Don't get your hopes up."
That was it. Ben was gone and now there was only Kylo Ren in all of his glory. Disdain, anger, darkness all around. She felt like a fool to have given in to her urges – to him – tonight. It had all been a beautiful dream before it turned into a terrifying nightmare, so a few tears dared to slip down her cheeks as she sat up, cowering against the cool wall of her quarters.
"Maker, how can you say that about your own mother," she said in between tears, holding her knees close to her body like a defensive wall. "You'd be surprised if you'd give her a chance, if you'd let anyone in."
"I let you in!" He startled her once more with his strong voice, but then, seeing how terrified she was, his eyes grew wide and all his features seemed to soften, the harsh lines of his face melting in a lost puppy look. It was unbelievable how fast he could shift the mood around her. "You, only you and that's all that really matters to me. Can't you see?"
His shoulders slumped down and he ducked his head in defeat. He looked so lost, just like she'd always felt herself, and her heart broke for him.
"I'm not pulled by the Light, I'm... I'm pulled by you," he whispered almost inaudibly.
Somehow, she knew that was true, because she felt the same way. From somewhere deep inside, Darkness called her, but the need to bring Ben back to the Light had always been much more strong and important. Then, yes, maybe she was pulled by him too, and suddenly the urge to convince him otherwise faded away, at least for tonight. She just wanted to comfort him, to show him he was not alone. Not anymore.
"It's okay, Ben," she said softly. The hold on her knees loosened and she sat indian style in front of this defeated boy, offering her hand through the Bond. He took it gladly, entwining their fingers together. His touch was so soft for a man like him, so tender that she almost forgot that only a minute ago he was screaming at her.
"I'm not naive to think you'll ever leave the Resistance or everyone you have right now to stay by my side, and I learned that I can't force you to do anything I want. I'm quite aware of that by now," he said quietly, his eyes focused on their fingers playing with each other. "But I'm completely honest when I say that I don't want this to be a one time thing. Feeling you like this... it brings me peace, at least while you're here."
"I guess I don't want it to be over either."
"Good then."
She offered him a small smile and he returned with one of his own. Oh, she would never get tired of how handsome he looked smiling.
"Thank you... for not forcing yourself in," she told him. "And I'm sorry when I said our Bond was ridiculous. I didn't really mean it."
"I know you didn't. I shouldn't have yelled at you either. I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore."
He sounded so sincere, so small for someone of his size, and she send him a wave of confidence and encouragement, feelings she thought he'd always been in need of. Despite his abrasive behavior, all he'd ever wanted was to be accepted, wanted, needed, and for what was worth, she wanted to be the first person to give it to him without any buts.
"We'll figure a way out of this eventually."
He squeezed her hand in gratitude and his gaze shot up to her face again. He was so close sitting in front of her in the intimacy of her quarters, and even though he was only a projection of his real self, she felt the urge to touch him again, to make sure he was here.
She cupped his cheek with the other hand, the warmth of his skin clashing with how cold his quarters seemed to be in the dim light. He relaxed under her touch, fluttering his eyes closed and she coaxed him to lay back down beside her, their faces much closer than before.
"I'm sorry if I was a little... demanding earlier," he said after a few moments of comfortable silence.
"I didn't do anything I didn't want to." She chuckled and he followed her, while memories of their beautifully forbidden encounter flowed through the Bond in full motion. This is where she was always supposed to be, this is what they were supposed to do for the rest of their lives. Together… Together they would find a way to make it alright.
"Ben?"
"Yes."
"Be with me tonight."
Her doe eyes had intensity as she said those words, and he responded just how she expected — with an endearing smile and strong arms enveloping her against him.
"For as long as you allow me, my love."
THE END