"Better Days"
Author: carmen_085
Disclaimer: I don't own any Walking Dead characters. Original characters are mine
Author's Note: Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter. I have thought about the OC idea and will probably save that for another story. Hope everyone continues to review and enjoy this story. Extra long and exciting chapter for the delay in updating
Summary: Daryl and Carl go out looking for Sophia and get separated from the group. Alone with two kids, Daryl must keep his own demons at bay while protecting them from not only the dead but also a very dangerous person who has nothing to lose.
Chapter Seven
A light rain fell over the forest as Daryl blinked his eyes. Fine drops of must clung to his eyelashes as he fought back a million different emotions. How did this happen? Things weren't great but they were far from this as he struggled to find a way to make this right again. Ahead of him Sophia stopped for a moment as she threw a hesitant look over her shoulder toward him. Her eyes were mixed with fear and uncertainty as Daryl felt his chest tighten. He never realized how much their trust meant to him until he didn't have it anymore.
Looking away, he kept his eyes cast downward; unwilling and unable to meet her gaze. Daryl wasn't surprised by Carl's reaction. He had never been stupid enough to even entertain the notion of Carl picking him over Shane. He had only known Carl a few months; whereas Shane had probably been there since the day Carl was born. Really, Daryl never had a chance. That was why he had been so careful; or at least he thought he had been so careful.
"Where do you think he went?" Sophia's small voice broke him out of his thoughts. Forcing the internal struggle down, Daryl began to assess their situation. They had been walking for a while and there was still no sign of Carl. How far could he have gone? Pushing ahead Daryl reasoned that they wouldn't start worrying until they made it back to the shack and Carl wasn't there. It was the only place he could think of that Carl would go; he didn't know anything else around here.
"Let's go back to the shack." He kept his eyes trained on the ground; unaware of the look Sophia was giving him.
"What if he isn't there?" The blatant fear in her voice made him stop for a second as he forced himself to look at her.
"He'll be there." With a curt nod he once again averted his gaze as they pushed on. Honestly he was beginning to doubt his own words. Maybe Carl would be there; maybe he wouldn't be. At this point he didn't really know.
Carl's chest heaved as he ran as fast as he could down the path. Stopping he doubled over struggling to catch his breath. Hot tears stung his eyes as he looked around. He was alone. Fingering the cool metal of the pistol in his back pocket, he took a deep breath. Carl didn't know what to think anymore. Over the past few days, he had started to trust Daryl more than he would have guessed. At first he was hesitant of the older man but the more time he spent with him; the more he liked him. He didn't always understand him but Carl had suddenly begun to develop a desire to please the older man. For whatever reason, Daryl's approval meant something to him.
Carl looked around at the trees, as he suddenly felt very exposed. Even though he had the gun, he didn't feel completely safe or protected. Just like last night, he could have easily stood his ground and shot whatever was creeping through the darkness but that wasn't what he did. His first instinct was to run and find a safe place and the only idea Carl still had of a safe place was wherever Daryl was. Smirking to himself, he would never admit it, but he felt so relieved and safe when he ran into Daryl's arms. Sure, he liked the gun but nothing made him feel better than knowing Daryl was around. A small laugh escaped his lips, God he sounded like such a pussy.
Reaching up Carl fingered the side of his face. His father had only slapped him once in his life. Carl had just learned the word 'bitch' at school from his friend Jimmy Owens. Apparently Jimmy learned it from his father but that was neither here nor there. The two boys giggled all day at themselves; clearly feeling superior to their classmates with their newly acquired adult knowledge. A few days later, his mother chased him down the hallway screaming for him to clean off the dining room table for the fifth time that night. Turning around Carl narrowed his eyes as he let the word fly. He knew he was in for it when he saw the dark cloud come over his father's face. In a split second he felt Rick's palm connect with the side of his face as he stumbled backwards. Needless to say Carl never let that word come out ever again.
He deserved it that time; but this time he didn't understand it. He also didn't understand why Daryl was going to shoot Shane. In all the time he knew Daryl, he had never seen him kill another human being; only walkers. Even though Carl was young, he knew the gap a man must cross when he went from killing walkers to killing human beings. In this new world it didn't seem like much of a leap, but really the two were an eternity apart. Without laws the only thing that kept people in line was their honor. If they didn't have that there was pretty much nothing holding them back. All this time, it had never occurred to Carl that maybe Daryl wasn't who he thought he was. Maybe he had crossed that gap and Carl didn't even know.
Behind him, Carl heard a rustling sound. Darting into the undergrowth he remained low to the ground hoping that whatever was coming would just pass by. Taking his gun out his hands were trembling as he cocked it.
Daryl and Sophia walked right past him. Staying there for a second Carl was in disbelief. Daryl could track a squirrel through a sandstorm. How he missed Carl's tracks was a mystery in itself. If he had gotten a better look at Daryl's face; however, Carl would have realized that the man was so far inside his own head he was merely operating on autopilot; a body moving with no thought to its surroundings. Something that was so unlike Daryl it would have made anyone who really thought about the situation stop and wonder.
After a few seconds Carl crawled out of his hiding place. Daryl and Sophia had disappeared from sight. When the apocalypse hit, Carl had only been in sixth grade. If he had made it to high school he would have learned a poem by Robert Frost called the "The Road Not Taken".
'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;'
Fine rain droplets gathered in his dark hair as he looked down the path in the direction Daryl and Sophia had gone. Although he thought that maybe they could be moving a little faster, he knew that Daryl would do everything in his power to find his dad and the others. He believed that the older man would keep them safe no matter what and one day they would find a place and life that made sense. They would find his father and Sophia's mother and their world would once again resemble something he knew. He trusted him and in a matter of seconds that trust had been shattered. Carl feared that Daryl had crossed the gap and lost his honor. He had become a dangerous man that had no code to live by.
Daryl had crossed a gap but it wasn't the one Carl was afraid of. In that horrible moment he had become something that he had fought against his entire life. He had become his father; a man who was weak and translated his emotions into physical violence. He had become everything that he hated. Carl would never understand how much he wanted to take it back or how bad it hurt.
Looking down the boy sighed; this was one of the most important decisions of his young life.
'Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,'
Looking back the way he came so many questions raced through his mind. When they found the farm overrun it had never really occurred to him that Shane would be anywhere else besides with his dad. He didn't see anyone else in the woods with Shane and found it hard to believe that the man was alone. Nothing else made sense though. Maybe when the farm got overrun, he was separated from the group. Carl didn't know. What he did know, though, was that Shane was familiar. His whole life Shane has been there. Thinking back he couldn't come up with one time when the man had let him down. Even thought the situation didn't make sense, Carl yearned for something familiar. He wanted his old life back.
'And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.'
At that moment Carl didn't realize how his decision would change everyone's lives. He did what he thought was best. Turning back toward the way he came he set out to find Shane. Throwing a glance over his shoulder he looked back the way that Daryl and Sophia had gone. A knot formed in his stomach as he pressed on. Gritting his teeth, he told himself that this was the right decision.
'I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.'
When Daryl and Sophia got back to the shack it was nearly noon. Daryl's heart sank when he found the ramshackle building empty. Keeping his emotions in check he tried to keep a neutral face as not to worry Sophia. They needed to start looking for Carl. Letting a deep sigh escape his lips, Daryl couldn't believe that this was happening. Another kid missing, flesh eating freaks wandering around, and to top it off Shane was out there somewhere undoubtedly searching for revenge.
At first Sophia had been willing to help him search for Carl; clearly eager to find her friend. As the hours wore on, she was losing steam, however, as she lagged behind. Glancing over his shoulder he threw her a disgusted glance. They needed to cover a lot more ground before nightfall.
"Keep up, ya hear?" Daryl didn't bother waiting for a reply as they soldiered on checking every crevice in a wide swath of land that surrounded their starting point.
"I'm tired, Daryl. Can't we stop?" The sun was setting as he estimated that they had been hiking for at least ten hours. For the first time that day he felt the fatigue in his own body as he couldn't imagine what Sophia must feel like. Still they had to find Carl before nightfall.
Turning on his heel he nearly knocked her over as she jumped back; fear in her eyes. He paused for a moment but then continued on. "You want to find Carl, don't you?" She clutched the hunting knife he had given her to carry close to her chest as she nodded slowly, clearly afraid to do anything else. "Now keep up! I'm not going to tell you again!" Turning back around Daryl felt like a dick but he didn't know what else to do. Growing up in an abusive household he didn't learn much about dealing with his emotions. Most of what he did know he had taught himself as an adult. Most of the time he did all right. This was different, though. He had never felt so guilty, so hurt, or so responsible about anything in his entire life. Having another human being trust him the way that Carl and Sophia trusted him; they trusted him with their lives, was the probably the most important thing that had ever happened to him. And he went and fucked it up. It was causing him to unravel as he paid little mind to the world around him.
Twilight had settled over the forest as he heard a rustling behind him. Simply assuming that it was Sophia he didn't turn around until he heard the scream. In the inky blue light, he watching in horror as two walkers shambled out of the trees. On of them had their hand on Sophia shoulder, grisly jaw wide open and ready to rip off a chunk of flesh. It took him a second to compute what was happening and another to raise his crossbow. The ping of the bolt leaving the weapon echoed in his ears as time slowed down. He watched as the freak latched onto Sophia fell away. The girl stood, paralyzed with fear as the other one lunged toward her. Daryl's heart pounded, he didn't have time to reload. In three long bounds he covered the ground between himself and Sophia. Throwing his body weight into the walker it fell to the ground. Without thinking he grabbed the knife from Sophia's trembling hands. Raising it over his head, he sunk it deep into the corpse's skull. Black, putrid blood squirted out he continued to stab the freak over and over.
When he stopped the only thing he heard was the soft sniffling of Sophia behind him and the pounding of his own heart. He gasped for air as he pushed himself up, still looked down at the two dead walkers. Eyes falling on the scared little girl as an unexpected emotion came over him. Anger. He told her to stay right behind him; if she had this never would've happened. That was close, too close. He didn't know what he would have done if she had been bitten. Losing Carl was bad enough; two kids in one day would have been enough to push him over the edge. He was angry at himself more than her and he was scared but he was already overwhelmed and didn't know how to deal with it.
Grabbing Sophia roughly by the arm he yanked her towards him. Squealing in pain, tears rolled down her face, "Ouch! Stop!"
His face was inches from hers as he narrowed his eyes at her. "I told you to stay right behind me! If you'd have listened this never would've happened." She wiggled against his grasp and he felt his fingers dig deeper into the soft flesh of her arm.
"You're hurting me! STOP!" Sophia was sobbing at this point as he abruptly released her. She stumbled back a few feet as she gazed at him with a wounded, betrayed look.
What the hell was he doing? Straightened up he looked around. He was completely losing it. Why had he done that to her? In the inky twilight he could see her cradling her forearm to her chest. The fear in her eyes made his stomach twist into knots as he looked away. Daryl's hands were shaking as he clenched them at his sides. Eyes wandering back to Sophia, he couldn't find any words to make this ok. Reaching out tentatively toward her, he flinched as she backed away. Daryl withdrew his hand abruptly as if he had been stung. He just couldn't stop screwing up.
Carl didn't realize how far he had run until he started heading back. The forest was soft underfoot as he plodded along. Carl tried his best to pay attention but found his mind wandering to memories of better days. Thinking back Carl couldn't think of a single time when Shane hadn't been there. If he needed him, he was always there.
The hum and beep of the machines made Carl nervous as he looked between his mother and Shane. He didn't want to believe that his father had been shot but now it was real. Eyes wandering over the blood stained sheet he watched as his mother took a pale lifeless hand into her own. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead as his eyes wandered to Lori's tear stained face. Her long brown hair was matted to the side of her face as she bent over Rick's bed, resting her forehead against his chest. He could hear her crying and it made him uncomfortable. He was scared. His father was barely clinging to life and his mother was falling apart. Both of the people he would normally turn to for support and comfort weren't there. Backing away from the bed he felt a sudden wave of panic come over him.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shane saw Carl beginning to come undone. Briefly his eyes flicked back to Lori sobbing against Rick's chest. Touching her arm gently he nodded toward Carl. "We'll be outside." She barely acknowledged him as she clung to Rick's blood stained gown. Shane stood there for a second watching her before pushing back from the stretcher. Grabbing Carl by the shoulder he guided the boy out of the Emergency Room and into the parking lot.
It was a warm night as bugs swarmed around the tall floodlights that illuminated the area outside the hospital. Their shift had been over for hours but Shane still hadn't made it back to the station to change out of his blood stained uniform. Pushing himself up onto the trunk of the police car he sat there quietly regarding Carl for a moment.
The young boy looked everywhere but at Shane as he struggled to come to terms with a very scary situation. Folding his arms over his chest he looked down at his shoes.
"You alright?" Carl nodded but didn't say anything as he chewed on his lowed lip. Shane sighed as he shook his head. "Carl…look at me." It took the boy a few seconds but he finally raised his eyes to meet Shane. Tears threatened to spill over at any moment as Shane gestured for Carl to hop up next to him.
"What if he dies?" The words came as a surprise as Shane froze in place for a second. What if he dies? Well that was a good question but certainly not one he wanted to answer. A tear rolled down Carl's face, as he was quick to swipe it away.
Looking at the boy seriously for a moment Shane's face broke out into a smirk. "Don't worry about that. Your old man….well he's the toughest son of a bitch I know."
Carl looked down and nodded clearly not convinced. "Did you see him in there? It looks pretty bad and…"
"Stop it." Shane's forceful tone made Carl look up abruptly. "Just stop it. He ain't dyin' and that's the end of it."
Carl wasn't sure if Shane was reassuring him or if he was actually trying to convince himself. Either way it made him feel a little better. An ambulance pulled up to the entrance as they were briefly illuminated by a flashing red light.
"Hey Shane." Carl didn't look at him.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks," Carl looked up regarding him with unspoken volumes of gratitude. "For being here."
Shane face softened as the red lights blinked back and forth. "You don't gotta thank me for that. I'm…I'm always going to be here for you and your mom if you need anything."
Carl smiled slightly as he looked down at his hands. Having Shane there didn't make it all better but it sure helped.
A small smile came to Carl's face as the memory faded. Behind him a rustling sound made him spin around. A surge of fear tore through him as he scolded himself for not paying better attention. Out of the bushes a walker shambled toward him. Reaching for his gun he cocked it quickly. His breath quickened as another freak appeared behind the first. He would need to take them both down. Holding the gun level he was shaking as he took a hesitant step backwards. Tripping on a gnarly, rotted branch he fell backwards the gun firing into the sky. In a second one of the walkers lunged toward him causing him to scream in fear. Kicking at the slavering freak, he struggled to reach for the gun that had fallen into the dirt. Clawing at the undergrowth he used all his strength to pull himself toward the weapon. The walker had latched onto his legs and making any progress impossible as a frightful thought crossed Carl's mind. He could die here like this; alone and scared with no one to protect him. He suddenly wished that Daryl was there. Letting out a grunt his slender fingers wrapped around the stock of the gun. Whipping the gun around he didn't think as he pulled the trigger.
The gun recoiled in his hand as a loud crack echoed in the woods. Looking up he was surprised to see both walkers dead. Doing a double take he quickly pushed himself up to his feet as he stared at the gun in his head. It was impossible that he killed both of them with one shot. Peering through the trees he saw a familiar figure walking towards him.
Shane.
Carl didn't think as he broke out into a full run toward the man. The normally hardened look on Shane's face fell away as his eyes softened for a moment. Bending down he dropped the shotgun as Carl ran into his arms.
Immediately Carl was overcome with a sense of familiarity and for that he was relieved. "I've been lookin' everywhere for you, boy…" Shane's voice was barely above a whisper as he ran his hand through Carl's dark hair.
Carl couldn't speak. The intense of fear of the last few minutes washing out of him as a sense of familiar relief crashed down. Standing up, the soft look on Shane face was replaced with a darkness that Carl had never seen before. Taking a step back he tried to discern the cause of this shift in mood.
"Shane…" his voice was small and questioning as he gazed up at the older man.
Picking up the gun Shane looked down at Carl in a way that suddenly made him feel uncomfortable. Deep down inside his gut a realization dawned on the young boy. Something had changed; Shane wasn't the same. It was a scary notion and Carl refused to believe it. He felt it; but he couldn't believe it…he wouldn't believe it. This was Shane for God's sake. His dad's partner and best friend. His God-father and a man he had looked up to his entire life. Weak men changed in this world, and Shane was far from weak.
"Where you been, Carl?" The way he asked the question it was as if he already knew the answer. His gaze made Carl uncomfortable as the nagging feeling in his gut resurfaced.
"I…ah…." He thought about lying. But why would be lie? The only explanation for that was to protect Daryl and Sophia. Remembering the sting of Daryl's palm against his face Carl couldn't understand why he would ever want to protect someone like that. And this was Shane, why would he ever need to protect anyone from Shane? Carl had been thrust into the adult world too fast and he didn't understand how complex a human being could be. He didn't understand that a man could change in ways that were so abrupt and unwarranted that they no longer resembled the person that they used to be. He also didn't understand that a man's action weren't always a direct reflection of who he was or how he felt. For better or worse his world was still mostly black and white. "I was with Daryl."
As soon as he said it Carl wondered if he had made a mistake. The shadows on Shane's face darkened as he clenched his jaw tightly. "Daryl." The way he ground out the man's name caused fear to rise up in the back of his throat. Looking down Carl thought about the night he spent in the tree with Daryl, and learning how to shoot his gun in Walmart, and the way the silvery red scars on Daryl's back shone in the sunlight; he thought about running in Daryl's arms and the terrified look in Daryl's eyes just before his palm connected with the side of Carl's face. Why the hell was he thinking about Daryl so much? He had a choice and he chose to be with Shane. Looking up into Shane's darkened eyes he hesitantly wondered if he made the right choice.
"Have you seen my dad?" Carl blurted it out in hopes of changing the subject to something that didn't make him so uncomfortable.
Shane looked around before shaking his head. "Naw. I ain't seen him." Narrowing his eyes, Shane knelt down and stared Carl right in the eye. "He left us." The statement hit Carl like a ton of bricks. His dad would never leave him!
Pulling away form Shane he shook his head in disbelief. "No. My dad wouldn't do that! He wouldn't leave me."
The older man stood back up as he regarded Carl thoughtfully. Shrugging his shoulders he acted as if Rick deserting them was a commonly known fact. "He's gone." Slinging the shotgun over the back of his shoulders Shane stood there looking more casual than Carl would have ever imagined. Twisting the pistol around in his hands, a sick sense of dread began to come over Carl. "What's that?" Shane gestured toward the gun in his hands.
"It's mine." Gripping the stock tighter he took a step back.
Shane eyed him curiously as he reached out for the gun. "Where'd you get it?"
"Daryl gave it to me." Carl watched as Shane bristled at the mention of Daryl.
"You're not going to need that anymore." Holding his hand out Shane expected Carl to hand the gun over.
"No." The response surprised him as he took a step back.
"What do you mean no? Look, Carl, I don't know what you were doing with that redneck piece of shit but you're with me now and you'll do as I say." Reaching out again Shane tried to pry the gun out of Carl's grasp as the boy jerked away.
"No!"
Grabbing the boy by the shoulders he pushed him against the tree as he ripped the gun out of his hands. Carl struggled as he yelled out, "STOP IT!"
"Hey everything alright over there?" The sound of an unfamiliar voice caused both of them to jump back.
By the time they got back to the shack it was dark. Sophia refused to look at him and he couldn't blame her. Thankfully she was completely exhausted as he watched her sleeping form on the dirty mattress. Gently covering her with the sleeping bag he was careful not to wake her. In the dim moonlight, he saw the bruise already forming on her forearm. It made him sick to think that he caused that.
Quietly stepping out of the shack he slid down in the dirt as he let his head rest back against the building. He was exhausted but there was no way he could sleep. The damp soil around him tickled his nose with a familiar earthy scent. Allowing his eyes to drift shit for a moment he relaxed his back against the hard wood. Splinters scratched the back of his neck as he let out a slow, deliberate breath.
His mind flashed back to Carl standing there staring at him with that hurt, betrayed look. He saw him finger the side of his face in disbelief as a red welt started to appear on his freckled skin. Daryl breathed a raggedy breath out and opened his eyes. A storm was brewing overhead as a flash of lightning illuminated the forest. Daryl closed his eyes again and instead of seeing Carl this time he saw himself as a child with the same hurt in his eyes that Carl had. He saw his dirty, slender fingers touching a red welt on the side of his face and unshed tears in his glassy, blue eyes. He saw the way he trembled in fear as he cowered in the corner. When Daryl looked at the man standing over his ten-year-old self he was surprised to find that his wasn't his father. It was him; just like he looked today.
A clap of thunder rolled overhead as he shot up. He had to get away from here. Stalking toward the trees he felt raindrops hitting his face. Lightning flashed as the woods illuminated with a flash of white light.
"You're nothing." His father's voice echoed in his ears as he picked up the pace.
"You'll never be anything." The voice was louder this time. The clouds opened up as sheets of rain matted his hair to his forehead.
"You're worthless." Daryl began running with no direction, desperate to get away from the memories chasing him. Thunder clapped as he heard himself gasping for air. His heart pounded in his chest as his feet skimmed over the wet forest floor. The cold rain pelted his face as he felt his throat tighten with emotion. His muscles throbbed with pain but he forced himself to move faster. His mind was racing with thoughts that he couldn't even begin to deal with as he felt like he was drowning.
"One day you'll see…you'll see that you're no better than me." The emotions inside of him welled to the breaking point as he finally snapped. Winding his right arm up he punched the nearest tree as hard as he could. His knuckles made a crunching sound as he felt warm, sticky liquid ooze between his fingers. He didn't feel pain; however, as he punched the coarse wood over and over again.
How could he have been so thoughtless? So care less? So cruel? A vision of Carl's face and the hurt, betrayed look in his eyes flashed through Daryl's mind. His left hand connected with the tree this time as the adrenaline was starting to wane. A whimper of pain escaped his lips as he thought about Sophia clutching her wounded arm to her chest. His shoulders ached and his hands throbbed but he didn't did stop. Bending over he picked up a rather large branch and threw it against the tree watching as it splintered in two.
His whole life Daryl had fought against one thing….becoming his father. He never really had the chance to prove himself until now and what did he do? He fucked up. He used aggression to cope with his own uncontrolled emotions. He was scared and confused and he acted on that by laying his hands on them. It made him sick to the very core. He had become a weak person…a selfish person….a cruel person. He had become his father.
Heaving a large branch through the darkness he felt his feet slip out from under him. Daryl hit the ground with a thud. The red-hot anger inside him had dulled to a throbbing sense of self-loathing. Tears stung his eyes as he felt a sob rise in his throat. If he ever found Rick again what would he tell him? Carl was his to protect and now he was gone. The overwhelming sense of failure caused his head to sink as he pulled his knees to his chest. Leaning his forehead against the wet, muddy surface of his jeans Daryl couldn't keep it together no matter how hard he tried. Alone in the forest he felt his walls crumbling as all the fear and regret poured out of him. Covering his face with his hands Daryl tried to hide the fact that he was crying. There was no one there, though. He was completely alone, in the cold, dark woods. It was an old habit that he would never forget.
"Are those tears, boy?" His father loomed over top him as he cowered in the corner. His father had been on the warpath for no reason in particular and he knew that it was just a matter of time before he got his. Daryl was scared out of his eight-year-old mind as he struggled to cover his face with his hands. He couldn't stop crying, he was so afraid; he didn't know what else to do. Leaning down close, Daryl could smell the booze on his father's breath as he drew out a raspy question. "Are you a pussy?"
Before Daryl could reply he felt a sharp pain in his side as his father's foot landed a swift blow. The air whooshed out of his lungs as a sob was abruptly choked off. Leaning down his father ripped his hands away. Daryl's nose bristled as a hot cloud of alcohol rolled over his face. Sneering his father was merely inches away as his heavy breathing meant nothing good. "Look at me boy." He didn't look quick enough as his father grabbed his face and whipped in the other direction. Squeezing his cheeks, Daryl felt the man's nails digging into his soft flesh. They were both breathing heavy as Daryl chewed his bottom lip. Willing himself not to cry he couldn't look his father in the eye. Letting go the older man slapped him hard across the face. Without warning he slapping him the other way as Daryl lost his balance tumbling backwards onto the floor. Kicking him hard in the side, he instinctively curled up as his father bent down over him. "Never, EVER let me see that shit again!" His father walked away as Daryl covered his face with his hands crying in silence.
Lightning flashed as the rain began to taper off. Through the cracks in his fingers Daryl saw the forest flash bright white. He felt drained as the last bit of emotion seeped past his shaking form. Letting his arms drop to his sides he was exhausted. Every muscle in his body ached as he sat there in the mud. Staring out into the darkness he was numb. All the emotions were blunted, as he felt decidedly hollow. Blinking a few times his eyes were burning and raw as he forced himself to stand up.
"Daryl…" Breaking out of the haze he cocked his head to the side. "Daryl…" The second time he concluded that he definitely wasn't imagining things. Walking back toward the shack he knew that the voice could only belong to one person. Picking up the pace a sudden fear surged through him. What if something was wrong? What if there were walkers or worse?
The disregard Daryl felt for himself remained. He was nothing…he knew that. He didn't deserve any of the good things he had in his life, and he knew that if they were taken away it would be no one's fault but his own. The numb, hollow feeling he felt for his own life was a stark contrast to the extreme emotions he had toward Carl and Sophia. He didn't think that he had every felt so responsible, so worried, or so scared for anyone else in his entire life. He was hopeless but he couldn't let himself give up on them. Everyone had given up on him at one point or another and he refused to pass that horrible emptiness onto someone else.
As he broke out of the trees he saw Sophia edging toward him nervous to cross into the dark, unpredictable undergrowth. "What are you doing out here?"
She stumbled backwards not expecting him to be so close so soon. "I…uh…I was looking for you."
She wasn't crying but she looked nervous and jittery. "Something wrong?"
The natural rasp in his voice was missing as Sophia honed in on something else. He sounded emotional as his tone wavered up and down. She had heard that before. An image of her mom ushering her back to bed late at night popping into Sophia's head. Even in the darkness of their house she could see the fresh bruises appearing on her face and neck. Her voice wavered as she tried to keep it together in spite of emotions that had been rubbed raw by the back of her daddy's hand. Looking up at Daryl she relaxed a little bit as she remembering the way he put his arm around her and read "Goodnight Moon" only a few nights ago. The betrayal and fear she felt toward him was carefully counterbalanced by a sense of comfort and deep understanding. Just like Carl, Sophia had been thrust into the adult world too soon. She didn't yet grasp the complexities of the human condition.
"I…I was scared. I thought you left." Daryl wanted to comfort her, taken her under his arm and tell her everything was ok but in his emotionally vulnerable state he couldn't bear the possibility of rejection. So he did the easy thing and he ushered her back toward the shack. Pointing toward the mattress he gestured for her to lay back down.
"It's fine. Go back to sleep. I'm going to keep watch." He didn't wait for her to reply as he sat down in the doorway of the shack, careful to leave just enough space between them. Gazing out into the woods he heard Sophia trying to settle herself back down. Exhaling loudly he ran a calloused finger back and forth over his lacerated knuckles. The night air was cool as he shivered slightly. He was soaking wet but he didn't care as he sat there staring blankly into the darkness.
Both Shane and Carl jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Loosening his grip ever so slightly on Carl's shirt Shane forced an unconvincing smile across his face.
"Hey man. We're good." Shane stepped in front of Carl so that the boy wouldn't get any ideas. Eyes falling to his gun firmly in Shane's hand, Carl briefly contemplated making a move but then dismissed it. Sure he was mad at Shane but these people were strangers and there was no telling what kind of people they were.
An older man and a young woman stared back at them curiously. If he had to guess Carl would say that they were father and daughter. The old man stood with his hands on his hips shaking his head doubtfully. "Your boy looks pretty scared."
Shane took a step back as he put his arm around Carl's shoulders. Involuntarily Carl flinched. The old man didn't miss it as he took a couple steps towards them. Behind his back Carl heard Shane cock the pistol in his other hand.
"Son, are you alright?" Carl couldn't meet the stranger's eyes as he just nodded, looking down at the ground.
Shane offered the two of them a smirk as he shrugged his shoulders. "Alright…now I think you folks should be moving on."
Carl's eyes flicked up to the old man as he studied his beaten frame. Both him and the girl had been out there for a while. They were caked with sweat and dirt as their unlaundered clothes hung loosely off their malnourished bodies. The old man peered out from under an Atlanta Braves cap as a set of friendly and concerned eyes surveyed the situation. He could sense something was wrong, Carl could see it in his face. Feeling Shane tighten his grip on the back of his shirt he only hoped that the old man would move along before there was any more trouble.
"Is this your father?" Carl's heart lurched at the mention of his father. He could never believe that his father would leave him behind. He didn't care how much he trusted Shane or how close they had been before; he would never accept that his dad had abandoned him.
Before he could answer Shane spoke up for him. "His father took off. He's with me now." Carl squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn't true.
"Hey kid you want to come with us? We're heading to Fort Benning. We can look for your dad on the way." The young woman spoke up as the older man offered him a gentle smile.
"You folks need to move along now." Carl hoped that they would just leave before something horrible happened.
"No." The old man stood defiant. Carl needed to do something. Thinking he wondered what his dad would do in this scenario. His dad would do the right thing.
Pushing away from Shane he took a step toward the strangers. "Just go, ok?! Get out of here before he hurts you." The slight shock on their faces was not completely surprising.
Shane's face fell as anger boiled up inside of him. He had scoured this place for Carl and now that he actually had the boy things were falling apart. He didn't anticipate this, but he should have. The bond between a father and son is strong and there was no way Carl and Rick would ever give up on each other. He was a fool to think that Carl would blindly accept his words at face value.
Reflexively he checked the boy against the tree while the other two looked on with surprise. "What the hell is the matter with you?"
Carl stared up at him defiantly. Over Shane's left shoulder he heard the click of a gun. Letting go of Carl he was met with the end of the old man's pistol. Raising his hands he offered a fake smile.
"Hey man. It's cool. I don't want any trouble here." He nodded gravely before gesturing toward Carl.
"I don't know who you are, buddy. But the boy is coming with us."
Shane sunk his head but Carl could still see his eyes. They were burning with anger despite the resigned tone in his voice. "Yeah…I'm screwing up. I ah…" Snorting he pretended to whip up some emotion although Carl saw through his lace curtain effort.
The old man slowly lowered his gun; as Shane was fast to reach around into his waistband. All it took was a fraction of second and the old man was lying on the ground. Behind him the young woman's face twisted in horror as she popped off a poorly planned shot in their direction. Whizzing about a foot to the left of Shane's head he dropped her to the ground without a second thought. Carl's mouth was agape. Shane looked down at the old man and sneered as he walked over to the woman; making sure she was dead.
"Why did you do that?" Carl's voice came out as a squeak.
Shane shook his head as he shoved Carl's gun back into his pants. "Six months out here and you still don't understand? People are dangerous, Carl. They wanted to take you away from me. I couldn't let that happened."
"They only wanted to take me away because you were being a jerk!"
Shane crossed the space between them as Carl stumbled backwards onto the ground. "You think you got it better with that redneck piece of shit? Then go! Go find Daryl." Shane gestured toward the darkening forest. A storm was rolling in overheard as Carl was hesitant to make a move. It was the first time he had thought of Daryl since finding Shane. All the betrayal and distrust he had felt toward Daryl had faded and been replaced with a new, more overwhelming emotion. Fear. Never in a million years did he think that he would be afraid of Shane. But he was and now he realized that he had made the wrong decision. He had worried that Daryl was the one who had crossed the gap and lost his code of honor in this world, but in reality it was Shane.
Carl didn't say anything as he watched Shane step over the old man's dead body. He had no gun and no idea where Daryl was. He was stuck; if he wanted to survive the night he would need to follow Shane. Silently he got up and trailed the man down the path without another word. Looking down he stared into the vacant eyes of the old man. He didn't even know his name but he knew that he had been a good person. Bad people didn't stop to help a stranger, nor did they risk their life to do what was right, especially not in this world. They had died because they tried to help him. His father would have done the same thing. He was a good person. His mother too; she could never stand to see a kid being mistreated. Then an unexpected thought struck him. Daryl would have stopped too. Carl didn't always agree with him, but he knew that Daryl tried to do the right thing. He was a good person, too.
The forest darkened as a storm rolled in. Stepping gingerly around the bodies, Carl couldn't take his eyes off of them. The Shane he knew would never do something so cold and brutal. Looking up he focused on the older man's retreating form. He didn't know Shane anymore. The ominous sound of thunder rolled overhead as he reluctantly followed him. Throwing a glance over his shoulder, Carl shuddered as he took one last look at the two dead bodies lying sprawled in the dirt. Their lifeless eyes stared upward as this horribly cruel world moved on without them.
It took Carl a few minutes to realize that they were headed back toward the shack. He didn't know if Shane was trying to find Daryl or simply just wandering around. Carl didn't know if they went back there but if he knew Daryl that was where he would be. In this area Carl didn't know anything else except for that shack and it's the only place he would even think to go. So, he knew Daryl would be there. A sense of panic rose up in his throat as the rain began to pour down. He already saw what Shane was capable of; he wouldn't allow the same fate for Daryl and Sophia. But could he successfully redirect the older man without causing too much suspicion? He didn't think so. They continued walking in silence as Carl wracked his brain for an idea. He had made the wrong decision by going after Shane; that much was evident. Now how was he going to fix it?
Carl wasn't sure how much longer they walked before Shane directed him to a little cave. They would take shelter there for the night and head out again in the morning. Shane hadn't said much since they left and Carl was thankful; it gave him more time to think. Lying against the cold rocks, Carl shivered in the night air. His clothes were soaked and stuck to his frame as he struggled to get warm. Unable to find anything dry enough to start a fire, Shane dug around in his bag. Producing a dry t-shirt he tentatively walked over to Carl. Bending down, Carl kept his eyes closed afraid of what would happen next. Gently Shane covered him up with the t-shirt before resuming his position on the other side of the cave. Carl's eyes snapped open in surprise as he stared into the darkness.
This new world was stranger and more confusing than he ever could have imagined. Before things were black and white to him. Actions were either right or wrong; people were either good or bad. It was simple. Now things were more gray and muddy. Judgments were hard to make and people's actions were more complex. How could Shane be so brutal and callous yet so gentle and caring? Carl didn't understand but he did know that regardless of what he was; Shane had changed. Every now and then there might be a flicker of the old Shane but that person was gone and Carl knew it.
Daryl exhaled as his weary shoulders sank. It was nearly dawn as he remained sitting on in the doorway. His muscles ached and he was both emotionally and physically wrung out. Behind him Sophia rolled over on the mattress. Her eyes fluttered open as he focused on Daryl's beaten form. Illuminated by a dim, white light she watched as his head sank down. Carefully fingering her arm she felt a twinge of pain. When her father hit her he never looked sorry afterwards. In fact, he never looked sorry ever. Daryl hadn't apologized nor had he made any effort to explain himself. Sighing Sophia reasoned that he wasn't really a man of many words. Actions and body language was key when it came to him. Pushing herself up she took in his defeated posture and glum, regretful stare. She saw the way his shoulders hunched as his forehead rested against his knee. In all her life she had never seen someone look so full of sadness or regret.
Standing up Sophia quietly walked toward the doorway. As she tiptoed toward Daryl she remembered the time that Bobby Egan pushed her off the jungle gym. She fell and scraped her knee and cried for the rest of recess. Poor Bobby looked so guilty that she thought he might burst into tears as well. She immediately went to the school nurse who put a band aid on her knee and gave her a piece of advice that she would never forget. Living with a man like her father she assumed that every time someone hurt her it was on purpose. Wailing that she had never done anything to Jimmy Egan a day in her life, the nurse finally calmed her down enough to explain that sometimes when people hurt you it's an accident. For whatever reason they make a bad decision, or act on emotions such as fear, anger, or frustration, and the end result is something they are ultimately sorry for. In Jimmy's case it was an accident; in Daryl's he had acted out because he was afraid and didn't know what else to do. Either way she realized that neither one of them ever meant to hurt her.
Creeping over she sat down beside Daryl as she felt him stiffen next to her. Tugging on the sleeve of his shirt he reluctantly turned toward her. "Are you mad at me?"
Daryl let out a wry laugh as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "No, I'm not mad at you." He paused as he offered her a slight smirk. "Kinda figured you'd be mad at me."
Sophia looked away before replying thoughtfully. "No. You didn't mean it. You were just scared." Daryl was taken aback by her mature response. Eyes drifting down from her face they settled on her forearm. A fresh bruise had formed overnight as he felt his stomach turn. Trailing his eyes she covered her arm self-consciously. "It's alright."
Daryl looked away, "When did you get so grown up?"
Sophia shrugged as she smiled. "I'd say the last two weeks." She laughed lightly as Daryl smirked. Falling into a comfortable silence they sat together staring out into the dimly light forest. He relaxed slightly. The hurt and betrayal in her eyes had been replaced with a placid understanding. It was a look that was far beyond her years and for her maturity, Daryl was grateful. It went a long way in helping him to navigate such an unfamiliar situation. For now it seemed like she had forgiven him; however, he hadn't even come close to forgiving himself. Daryl looked down at the dirt as his ears tuned into something. A rhythmic pounding that was coming closer. Grabbing the crossbow he rose to his feet.
Carl was breathing heavy as he ran full tilt ahead. He had lain awake all night until early dawn when he finally saw his chance. After spending the better part of the night keeping watch, Shane finally drifted off to sleep. Creeping to his feet Carl quietly slid the gun out of Shane's hand and took off running. The sudden shift had woken the older man and within seconds he was hot on Carl's trail.
Pushing through the undergrowth, Carl felt his face getting scratched to shit. Cold raindrops slid off the leaves as his feet sunk deeper into the mud. His heart was pounding with both fear and adrenaline as he pushed on. The only thing going through his mind was getting away from Shane. Subconsciously Carl knew that he was running back toward Daryl. He didn't really want to lead Shane back to them but he wanted to feel safe and the only idea he had of safety was Daryl. His hands were bleeding as he ripped and clawed through the sticks. He had a gun, but he didn't think that he had it in him to shoot Shane. No…he knew that he didn't have it in him. He couldn't kill someone; he wasn't like Shane.
Daryl raised the crossbow as he saw the bushes moving. Behind him he felt Sophia latch onto his belt loop as she pressed herself against the back of his leg. Normally he would tell her to go back inside and take cover but in light of their recent situation it didn't bother him to have her so close.
Carl was getting winded as he felt Shane closing in on him. A thicket of brush appeared ahead as he thought that his best bet might be to take cover. Diving into the thick green leaves he hoped and prayed that Shane would just keep going.
The movement stopped for a moment as Daryl lowered his crossbow. Must have been some kind of animal. Turning to Sophia he offered her a small smile as he shrugged, "That was a pretty big squirrel I'd say…." Before he could finish a gunshot echoed in the early morning air. Daryl flew backwards nearly falling on top of her. His body crumpled to the ground as thick, dark blood poured out from the right side of his chest. Gasping for air he looked up at the sky with a scared confused look. Sophia screamed, as she stepped back not able to believe that this was happening.
Pushing himself out of the thicket Carl watched as Shane walked out into the clearing. His eyes landed on the shack as a horrific realization dawned on him. It was Daryl. He shot Daryl. He didn't say a word. He just shot him. There was no fight, no argument, no struggle he just stepped out of the woods and shot him. Carl watched in horror, as Daryl's body lay on the ground motionless. Sophia crawled over to him as his bloody hand went up to touch the girl's face. Shane walked closer to them his gun still drawn. Carl had to do something. He couldn't let what happened to the people in the woods happen to Daryl and Sophia.
Running out of the bushes Carl raised his gun and pointed it at Shane. "Stop right there."
The sound of his voice made Shane whirl around. The maniacal look in his eye made Carl's blood run cold. Stalking toward the boy he raised his arms in mock surrender.
"You're not gonna shoot, me Carl. You can't. You know why?" He sneered as he lowered his arms. "Because you're too much like your daddy. You're a…" As Shane opened his mouth to speak he gasped. The ping of the crossbow echoed as Carl looked past Shane to Daryl lying on his side. Somehow the man had managed to flip himself over and get off a shot. His face was sickly pale as blood pooled around him. The bow was shaking in his hands as he collapsed back onto the ground.
Shane's face registered surprise and then pain. Coughing, blood spurted out of his mouth as he inhaled a raggedy breath. Still on his feet he held his gun out toward Carl cocking the hammer. If he couldn't have the boy no one could. Carl inhaled sharply as the coolness of the morning was a sharp contrast to the burning heat in his face. Shane staggered towards him as a gray haze hung low in the air. Holding his gun level his hands were shaking as he struggled to make the leap. Cold sweat beaded over his forehead as he realized that this was it. Closing his eyes Carl began to squeeze the trigger. He couldn't watch himself kill Shane; couldn't live with that memory.
Then a there was a bang. But he didn't do it. His gun was still cocked and fully loaded. Shane dropped over right in front of him as dark blood spurted from his head. Falling at his feet, Shane lay motionless. Looking up Carl was surprised to see Daryl unconscious and bloody on the ground. His hands were still tangled around the crossbow. Standing next to him was Sophia with Daryl's pistol in her outstretched shaking hands.
Super long chapter! I hope everyone likes it.
Poem used was "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost