"Better Days"

Author: carmen_085

Disclaimer: I don't own any Walking Dead characters. Original characters are mine

Author's Note: This story is AU and in it Sophia is never a walker. Takes place on the farm while Daryl is searching for the girl. My first attempt at Walking Dead fanfiction, hope you like it! Please review! I know it's been forever but I'm finishing it even though ten million things have happened on the show since.

Chapter Ten

The forest was quiet as Daryl walked softly down the path. Inhaling deeply he wondered if it ever felt so good to take a breath. Guess you never appreciate something so simple until you can't do it no more. Light rain fell on the leaves above him as he leaned back against a tree sliding down to sit on the soft moss. Reflexively he lifted a tentative hand to his side as a sharp pain radiated through his body. His chest still hurt like hell but he was alive and for that fact alone he was beyond grateful.

His eyes dropped into his lap as a hard lump rose up in the back of his throat. Guilt; he would recognize the bitter taste anywhere. He had always been the one who took care of everyone else; kept everyone safe and now here he was...the weakest one of them all. No one was watching him but he kept his eyes downcast anyway, it was habit...to feel ashamed of himself for one thing or another. He closed his eyes and he saw Carl staring up at him and then he felt the sting of his palm against the boy's face. He still thought he could feel that sting in his hand. Tingling right there on his palm; always ready to remind him he was no better than his daddy. Opening his eyes he looked around the forest, quiet...peaceful but inside of him he felt anything but. He saw himself laying flat on the ground, bleeding...dying...and he saw Shane square off on Carl. A bolt sticking out of his back, blood coming from his nose and mouth, and a shaky hand holding his slick black service piece level with Carl's head. And Daryl...he didn't have a breath inside of him to stop it. He was paralyzed almost; so weak he couldn't lift his head off the ground to protect them. But someone did protect them; Sophia...a child all of twelve, who cried to her mother afraid of the dark, shot Shane dead in cold blood. Then there was the woman. He still didn't know her name; she never offered it up and he took that as his cue not to ask. She saved his life, though, and she didn't have to and at times seemed like she didn't want to either. But she did nonetheless and without her he was sure that he would be dead right now.

Nausea built inside of Daryl as he blinked a few times. What would have happened next had Carl not found her? Which one of them would have put him down when he turned ? It made him sick as he felt his mouth water and the muscle in his throat tighten. An image of himself reanimating into a walker snapped and clawing at Sophia while Carl stood by with a gun in his shaking hand unable to pull the trigger just like with Shane. Or maybe he would have pulled the trigger...so mad at Daryl for screwing everything up.

He was sitting outside on the back porch. Even in the darkness he could see the mound of dirt in the backyard. His jacket was too thin and the air was cold; cutting through him like a knife as he shivered. Somewhere behind him he could hear his daddy laughing that sick, drunken taunt he had heard so many times.

"You literally fuck everything up, Daryl...everything. What a screw up." The crash of a beer bottle breaking next to him caused him to jump as he stood up and walked into the darkness. He was twelve that winter. It was just him and his daddy...living in a squalid trailer in a no where town called Alto, Georgia. His mama had been dead almost four years, burnt to nothing with the house. Merle was locked up in the county jail, this time for a good long while probably, assault on a cop was no misdemeanor. That left him and his daddy and Daryl had never been so scared in his whole life. Sure he was bigger and stronger than before but he was still a kid and this time there was no one there to hold him back.

So Daryl started living in the woods and he would stay out there for days at a time. One summer morning he woke up and a dog was sitting outside his tent. A straggly mutt if he ever saw one, it looked part shepherd and part who the hell knows what. At first Daryl didn't want nothing to do with the dog knowing full and well he couldn't take care of it. He barely had enough to eat himself...how could he feed a dog too? But that mutt wouldn't leave him alone and pretty soon he thought of her as his. He washed her, played with her, and fed her what he could. And she loved him...loved him in a way that he had been aching for.

It was cold last night, much colder than it should be for Georgia. So he snuck her inside and this morning when he took her back outside he put her on the chain like always. But the clasp had frozen over night and she slipped out of it running down the street to find him no doubt. He saw her there in the ditch when he got home from school. Thrown out like trash. He didn't cry at first, picked her up and took her out back.

The ground was frozen though and it took so much effort to break it with the shovel. He struggled, weak and shivering from the lack of clothing and food. Daryl was frustrated, upset, hopeless and as he forced the shovel into the ground one more time he caught sight of her laying there motionless on the ground and he remembered all the times she filled him with a sensation so foreign he didn't realize what it was until just now. Love. The first thing in the whole world that loved him; unconditionally, endlessly, blindly. And he broke down right there sobbing on the ground with no one to hear. She was just a dog but she loved him and because he was too stupid...too careless...and a screw up she was dead. The only good thing in his life gone and no one to blame but himself.

"You think one more day..." Daryl snapped his eyes open. He had been so lost in his own world that he didn't even hear her coming up. But there she was standing in front of him. The same flat expression, the same hopeless slump. Her hand hung loosely at her side; the .22 sitting idly almost completely out of bullets. He didn't know that though and he wouldn't. He was up and around and as far as she was concerned it was time for all of them to get moving. The longer they stayed the more she felt herself coming back to life. And that was far from what she wanted. There as nothing to feel alive for anymore; as the constantly reminded herself that the growing warmth inside her chest was a cruel joke.

Daryl nodded as he looked down. He couldn't look her in the eye and he wasn't sure why that was. Her stare, while not unkind, was cold and penetrating and it made him uncomfortable. But that wasn't it and he knew it. For the first time in his whole life he was completely reliant on another person. He would be dead without her, and he had never needed anyone to help him survive. He was weak and if there was one word that scared him more than anything it was that. Weak. He let the word roll over the back of his throat making him sick.

Daryl nodded silently as his eyes flickered to her before looking away. "Yeah." The woman nodded as she let out a long sigh sitting on the log opposite him. She folded her arms on her knees as she let her head hang down.

"Those your kids?" Her voice surprised him as he jumped slightly. When did he get so damn jumpy? That wasn't like Daryl at all but after the last few days his nerves were completely shot.

Shaking his head he grunted, "Nah." She didn't bother looking up at him as her voice came out flat and emotionless.

"Their parents dead?" It made sense but up until that moment Daryl hadn't considered that Rick, Lori, and Carol could be dead. There was just no time to; his mind completely preoccupied with being stalked by Shane. He had just always assumed that one day they would find them and everything would be fine. All things considered it wasn't very realistic but the alternative was something he didn't want to think about.

He shrugged his shoulders as he briefly met her eyes. "I hope not."

She let out a wry laugh as she shook her head looking up the sky before back at him. "There ain't no hope anymore." And then for the first time Daryl began to wonder what he would do if they never found them. If Carl and Sophia became his forever. A couple weeks ago he would have laughed at the mere thought; why on earth would a kid want to stay with an asshole like him? Believing at his core that he was no better than his old man and would never be, Daryl didn't expect any kid with a choice and a brain to come anywhere near him.

Rubbing the stubble on his chin he kept his eyes averted downward. Her perceptive eyes were on him, waiting for a reply, waiting for him to say something...anything...that could make her believe again. But Daryl was silent as she wondered when things had changed and they went from needing to be with him, to wanting to be with him. Because if they had any doubts or fears both of them could have easily walked off and let him die there on the ground. But they didn't and despite the bruises on Sophia's arm and the red mark across Carl's face they stayed with him. They did more than that...they saved his life. If he never found Rick and the others they would find a way to be ok.

She seemed to be waiting for him to say something. Licking his lips he looked up at her before looking away. He never thought he would be so weak and so dependent on another person. He felt ashamed and he couldn't look at her no matter how hard he tried. "Thanks..." his voice was rough and like gravel as it hitched in his throat, "Thanks for uh..." Before he could finish she cut him off.

"They need you." Her eyes wandering back to the shack where Carl and Sophia were still sleeping. "And I...I can't..." Her voice momentarily wavered with emotion before quickly returning to her monotone baseline. Daryl was caught off guard but dismissed it as she stood up and walked wordlessly out into the trees.

The days were getting shorter and the nights longer and colder. Daryl wasn't sure the date but he knew that it was early fall, maybe September. He also knew that he had two kids and no where to go. The mission had always been to find Rick, Carol, and the others but now he needed to start thinking about what would happen if they didn't find them and how they would survive the winter.

His chest still ached but as he stared at their meager possessions on the cabin's table he wondered, for the first time, if he was in over his head. If it was just him no problem he would survive someway, somehow but it wasn't just him. He had two kids with little more than the clothes on their back. Somewhere deep inside himself he felt sick. How would he keep them warm, keep them safe, keep them fed? They weren't his and he would never fool himself into thinking that they were but in that moment he wondered if this was how all fathers felt at one time or another. All good fathers...because God knows his dad never spent a second worrying about him.

It was dark out and late but Daryl couldn't sleep. He had slept enough in the last few days and he was edgy and ready to get back on the road. Sitting down at the table he looked over at Sophia and Carl sleeping on the bed. For tonight they were warm and safe and he could breath. The woman was outside somewhere he wasn't sure where. He was able to hunt up a couple of rabbits they cooked over the open fire and he was grateful that he could repay her in someway, no matter how meager it was. They ate in silence and then, without a word, she retreated into the forest; the .22 hanging limply at her side.

Carl watched her disappear into the trees and Daryl assumed a barrage of questions would follow. But there was nothing but silence as Daryl couldn't help but to notice that things had changed. Carl had never made a decision with such swift and unwanted consequences. And he didn't really even know he was making the decision at all. It just seemed right...pick Shane. He had known the man his entire life...trusted him his entire life, why should he stop now? Carl should have known the decision was wrong when he couldn't stop thinking about Daryl. Nobody but his father and his mother ever made him feel as safe and as protected as Daryl did. Not even Shane. So he should have known better. As he looked at Daryl out of the corner of his eye he reminded himself, once again, how badly he had screwed up.

Daryl watched as Carl turned something over in his mind before the boy got up and silently went back into the shack. He sat there for a while staring into the fire. Sophia across from him, her knees hugged to her chest chin resting forward as tears built in her eyes. She was scared. He could feel it; almost vibrating in the air. Reluctantly he stood up moving around the other side of the fire. Daryl was never one to offer comfort first; not because he didn't want to...he did...he just didn't know how. Sophia was just a kid...a little girl, and it was different. Sliding down next to her she automatically leaned into him as he exhaled his body tense. It wasn't like the two of them hadn't cuddled up to him before. Each time, though, he had remind himself to relax. That this was ok. That not every time two human beings touched each other one of them got hurt. He would always have to remind himself of that and override his natural inclination to flinch at even the slightly contact.

Beside him Sophia began to cry as he felt her shoulders shaking. "I'm scared, Daryl. Where are we going to go?"

He exhaled as he stared into the flames. He was scared too and he didn't know where they were going to go. But he couldn't tell her that. Reaching his hand over he ran his fingers across her hair as she cuddled into his side. "We'll find a place. It'll be alright." She was quiet for a while and then Daryl felt her drift off. Lifting her carefully he carried her into the cabin and put her on the bed next to Carl. Covering them both up he sat down at the table and began going over things in his head.

When he couldn't think anymore he hefted the crossbow on his shoulder with a wince. He needed to walk, to get the hell out of there and think about all this. Closing the door to the cabin quietly he stepped out into the dark, cool night air. He wouldn't go far, never letting the cabin out of his sight. Since he was able to get out of bed and around he had been going out on watch and walking the perimeter. He didn't know how to do anything else. She frowned at him, stumbling around the woods, wound on his chest still oozing blood. He knew better but he just couldn't lay around.

Daryl walked softly through the trees eyes sweeping side to side. His gaze settled up ahead at the glow of orange against the trees. He inched closer staying down behind the bushes his cross bow up and ready. Leaning forward he saw her face in the flicker of the flames as he dropped the weapon to his side. Her eyes stared into the fire as she played with the gun in her hands. Daryl dropped down to one knee as he took a moment to look at her, really look at her. He had caught glimpses of her over the past few days out of the corner of his eye but never really saw her. She made sure that he didn't, turning away every time their eyes met. He had seen her when he was working on him but only in delirious flashes.

Her eyes were light blue, large and round. He imagined before all this they could light up a room. He wasn't one to assume such things but the lines around around her eyes and mouth told him she used to smile all the time. Her hair was a mess of dark brown on her head and her mouth was drawn into a thin line. She had a deep scar on her cheek from what he could only imagine. Daryl was about to stand up and go back just as silently as he had came when the wind blew and the flames flickered brighter. He let the air out of his lungs as he saw something in her face. Something in that moment when the flames flashed...something familiar. And then he knew...she was going to kill herself.

A few months before the outbreak Daryl was sitting in a dirty hotel room just outside Atlanta. Gray light filtered through the curtains as he stared down at his hands. It was Merle's idea to come here; wanted to score Meth from some guy in the city. He should have told him to fuck off but like always he went along with whatever Merle wanted to do. Sure enough Merle got high and Daryl got drunk like he usually did. He didn't really like getting drunk but he had to do something. And like always the alcohol made him see his life for what it really was. Some might say he was just feeling sorry for himself; but Daryl wasn't the sort. He had been through enough shit in his life that if he felt sorry for himself he would never feel anything else.

He was alone now. Running his thumb back and forth over his knuckles Daryl hesitantly lifted his gaze to the mirror in front of him. It was smeared with finger prints and the reflective paint was chipping from the sides. He never liked looking at himself, wasn't much to see. He was thirty-five years old...he had no job. He had no family. He was a drifter, a loner, he barely even had a roof over his head. No one was ever looking for him and no one ever missed him. Every meager chance he had got in life he managed to blow one way or another and here he was with nothing. If he had never wanted anything, never cared, just knew he would be this way and nothing better; it wouldn't hurt as much as it did. But Daryl knew a want...an ache... deep in his heart to do more. He wanted a family of his own, and kids, and wife who would love him no matter what. He wanted to do something meaningful with is life. He wanted to be the person other people depended on. But no matter how much he wanted it; he could never truly believe that he deserved any of that. He was shit...he would always be shit. There was no way around that.

Staring at himself blankly in the mirror Daryl was struck with the realization that he would be better off dead. Nothing was ever going to change. Taking a deep breath, he looked into his eyes and he saw nothing. Emptiness, a hollow look so profound he felt his heart squeeze in his chest as his stomach turned into knots. Over the years he had thought about killing himself more than once. He wasn't a weak person but an entire lifetime of being denied everything he ever wanted had taken its toll.

Daryl silently climbed into the brown stained bath tub and pulled the shower curtain closed. The gun Christina's brother sold him in his right hand. He released the magazine looked at the rounds stacked inside and then slid it back. There was no sense in thinking about this; just what needed to be done. What always needed to be done. His whole he had been told he was nothing but a mistake. Bringing the gun up he pressed it against the base of his skull. Few years ago one of Merle's buddies tried to off himself but ended up shooting his face off instead. Daryl wanted to make sure he did it right the first time. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes, his finger on the trigger.

And then he sat there and five minutes went by and then ten and pretty soon his arm started shaking and he couldn't hold the gun level anymore. Letting the gun fall to his side he leaned his head back against the stained tile. He couldn't fucking do it. No matter how much he wanted his shitty life to be over he didn't have to balls to do it himself. While Daryl thought it was just because he was a pussy; he knew somewhere deep inside himself it was really because he couldn't give up on that little boy he had been so long ago. The little boy who loved books, school, and his mama. The little boy who wanted nothing more than to grow up and be a good man. A man not at all like his father.

Daryl hesitantly stood up as the memory faded. The woman continued to stare in the fire not even flicking a glance toward him as he moved toward her. Even if she wanted to shoot him...had to shoot him...she wouldn't. She had one bullet left and it was for her. Daryl didn't make eye contact as he sat down across from her, the flames flickering between them.

"How long you been out here?" His voice came out raspy and smooth as she briefly met his gaze before looking back down.

"Since the beginning." Daryl was surprised to hear her voice, he wasn't really sure she would answer him.

"Been alone the whole time?" A wry laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head.

"Nobody survives alone; you should know that by now." She looked at him dubiously before looking back down at the gun in her hands. "I was out here with a man. Just the two of us for a long, long time." She paused and Daryl thought she was done talking before her smooth, emotionless voice broke the silence. "We were partners before...we were close."

Daryl grunted, "You a cop?" Shane and Rick had been partners and look how well that turned out. He couldn't help but to wonder if something similar went down.

"No. Paramedics...Tactical EMS." Daryl gave her a strange look; he'd never heard of such a thing before. She smiled although there was no happiness behind it, only the barest amusement. "We were on a SWAT Team, medical support for the guys if anything went down. The cops taught me how to shoot, I taught them how to keep each other alive." She met Daryl' s eyes and through the cold stare he could see pain and sadness. "When everyone else was running out of the city we stayed and made a stand..." She swallowed hard. "We tried...but there were too many of them." She shook her head as she closed her eyes. "My partner and I were the only ones to get out...he got bit a few weeks ago. I did everything I could but..." She trailed off as she briefly met his eyes before looking away with a shrug.

"You should come with us. We have a group...good people. Just got to find them." Daryl knew how Rick felt about outsiders...knew how he felt about outsiders but this woman was a good person; he just knew it. And she had skills; a lot of them, skills that could be very valuable.

The woman looked at the flames for a moment as she fingered the trigger of her piece. "You been out here all this time and you still don't get it?" Daryl was slightly taken a back. "Everyone is dead; if they aren't dead now they will be soon. Your group..." She waved the gun absently toward the dark forest. "They're dead, Daryl."

He shook his head, "Nah. You don't know, Rick. He's smart...strong."

She shrugged her shoulders. "You're right I don't know Rick. But I know the truth...everyone you love will die. And one day you will be just like me with nothing and no one." She stood up kicking dirt on the fire as it went out and a hazy darkness filled the space between them. "I can't come with you. I just..." She looked up at the sky as she shook her head. "I can't care about anyone else. I won't go through that again." Daryl stood up so they were facing each other. She could barely make out the silhouette of his face. Looking at him she offered an apologetic smile; the first sincere expression he had seen from her. "I'm sorry."

Before he could respond she walked silently back toward the cabin. Daryl stood up as he watched her go exhaling loudly. Her words stirring a fear deep inside him.

"You think we'll find my dad today?" Carl had all but forgotten the drama of the past week and had returned to pestering Daryl. While the older man pretended to be annoyed he couldn't help but to feel relieved that things were finally back to normal.

"I don't know, Carl. We'll try." That seemed to satisfy the boy as he trudged up the hill following closely to Daryl as Sophia walked behind in silence. The bruise on her arm had faded to yellow although Daryl would be sick just looking at her until it was gone completely. The woman hiked a few feet ahead of them. She knew the way to the highway and had offered to point them in the right direction. While Daryl could track his way out of a sandstorm, he said nothing hoping that maybe she would change her mind. The road came into view as he quickly realized they were coming to the end of the line. Daryl's eyes scanned the road for walkers but it was empty. She stopped and looked at him for a moment before averting her gaze back toward the ground. Daryl pointed Carl and Sophia toward a gray car with all the doors open.

"Stand by the car and I'll be right back." Sophia looked panicked for a moment. "And Carl...get your gun out. Keep watch until I get back." The boy nodded eagerly; satisfied with his promotion.

The woman turned and walked back into the tree line, Daryl not far behind her. "Are you sure you won't come with us?" He nervously fingered the strap of his crossbow.

She smiled at him before shaking her head. "Ah...I can't." He wasn't sure if she was smiling because she felt something or because she was finally free to do what she wanted. The sun shone through the forest in long slats of light as Daryl felt the air leave his lungs. "You know I was worried that no one would ever know my story...the story of all those that I loved...that it would die with me." She bit down on her lip as her voice wavered with emotion. "Because then did it really happen? If no one knows...and no one remembers...maybe it never happened at all. And I didn't want that...because I knew some really great people and they deserve to be remembered." Tears spilled onto her cheeks as Daryl felt his own throat tighten.

Slowly she closed the space between them. Normally Daryl would tense at this invasion of personal space but not this time. Reaching up she gently ran her hand over his cheek as their lips met in a gentle kiss. An honest moment between two broken people. When she pulled back she let her hand trail down to his as their fingers touched briefly. "I was wrong, Daryl. Not everyone dies. You're going to make it, I promise."

He grunted as he shook his head. "I'll never forget you...I promise." She smiled as she backed away from him. Turning she began to walk away before she could think about it anymore.

"Hey." Daryl yelled after her as she cast a glance over her shoulder. "I don't even know your name."

She turned to face him with an honest smile. Daryl was suddenly struck with how pretty she must have been before the world went to shit. How pretty she still was. "My name is Julie." He watched her disappear into the trees before walking back toward Carl and Sophia.

After climbing out of that dirty bath tub Daryl walked straight out of that shitty motel room and got into his truck and drove. Fuck Merle he could find his own way home. He didn't know where he was going but he drove and when he was sick of driving he pulled off the highway in a small town south of Atlanta called Senoia. Looked like some good hunting; Daryl had leaned long ago the best way to get his head right was a walk in the woods.

Along the road a small white church came into view. He never put much stock in that at all but something about that church on that day made him stop. The doors were wide open and someone was singing a song he didn't know. It was still beautiful all the same as he walked inside and slid into a pew near the back. It was empty except for that voice. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and prayed to God or whoever might be listening that he found a way out of the darkness that had swallowed most of his life.

The singing stopped and when he opened his eyes a young blonde girl stood in front of him with the sweetest smile he had ever seen. She asked him if her singing was bothering him and all he could do was stare. She looked at him and in a way she looked right through him. He didn't say a word but somehow she knew that something was troubling him. Silently she sat down next to him and they stayed that way until Daryl got up and left. He hated himself that day but still, someone wanted to sit next to him...be there with him...be there for him. That beautiful young blonde girl with the voice of an angel gave him hope that he could still make something meaningful of his shitty life.

That girl in the church was Beth. He didn't know her name that day or for six months after until he rode up onto Hershel's farm and saw her standing there. He recognized her immediately, how could he not? She had given him a reason to keep living on a day when he was ready to quit. Funny thing was, they got to talking to one another and he wasn't even sure she remembered him. But one night when he was on watch late at night and the house was quiet with everyone asleep inside the door creaked open and she appeared. Humming that same song she sang the day at the church she sat down next to him not saying a word. They stayed that way for a little while before she got up to go back inside. He wanted to thank her. tell her what that moment at the church meant to him but he never got the chance because ironically enough a few days later she tried to kill herself with a kitchen knife.

He sat outside her room. She never knew that. But he only felt it right after everything she had done for him.

Everything he may never get the chance to thank her for. Daryl hoped that he made that right with what he had done for Julie. He would probably never know that either. He was so lost in thought he didn't hear the leaves rustling until it was too late. Reflexively Daryl brought his crossbow up before feelings arms go weak.

"Well holy shit ! Never thought I see you again, baby brother !" Daryl inhaled sharply not quite believing his eyes. "Come here and give old Merle a hug !"

TBC...

Yes I intend to finish this once and for all. Just a couple more chapters probably

Thinking a Bethyl as a follow up to this. Let me now what you think