A/N: This chapter picks up immediately after the last one, where Danny talked to Doc in the car.
He looked at Linda when she got in the car. "I don't want to go home and sit and do nothing; can we go for a walk?"
Linda nodded and drove to a nearby park.
He walked next to her quietly for a while, hoping the cold air would slow his racing thoughts.
"What's wrong, Danny?"
He shrugged, winced. "Doc and I went in circles for forever. He wanted me to tell him what I had to live for. I finally told him my family. And I feel like a total jerk for…that should be the first answer that came to me, not one I had to fight to see."
She squeezed his good hand. "It's okay, Danny. We're here for you, you know that, right?"
He nodded. "I can't sit around and do nothing, Linda, or I'm going to go crazy again!"
"You're not crazy, Danny, and you're not going to go crazy. Let's just get through the next few hours, we don't need a plan for the next eight months. After our walk, we'll go home and I'll help you with some range-of-motion exercises for your arm."
He groaned. "PT already? Do I have to? I can't even move the arm."
"It's your dominant arm, Danny; you don't want it to get stiff on you, do you?"
He shook his head.
They walked through the quiet, snow-blanketed streets until Danny said, reluctantly, "I don't like being cold. Can we go home now?"
"Why don't we stop for coffee or cocoa at that little coffee shop around the corner, warm up?"
He was trying to find the words to tell her that he'd really rather not, when her phone rang. She pulled it out. "Hey, Maria. Hang on."
She covered the mouthpiece. "It's your partner. She'd like to talk to you."
He sighed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her. Sometime before he almost jumped off the roof. He took the phone. "Hey, Baez. What's going on?"
"Danny. Was wondering if you were up to a visit. Just a cup of coffee, no pressure."
He sighed. As always, her timing was perfect. "Linda and I are taking a walk near the park by Doc's office, getting ready to grab a cup of coffee and maybe an early lunch at the coffee shop, you know the one. Meet us there?"
"Sounds great."
They had just placed their orders when Baez showed up. He saw the shock flicker across her face, but she didn't say anything.
Linda squeezed his good shoulder. "I'm going to the ladies' room, I'll be back."
He nodded.
She left, and he looked at his partner. "Just say it, Baez, I know I look like crap."
"You look like you need sleep and pain medicine, and to gain about thirty pounds, Danny."
He shrugged. "I can't say I recommend breaking three bones in your arm and two ribs at the same time as getting a concussion."
"How are you, Danny, really?" his partner asked softly. "Your dad—the commissioner—came by about a month ago. Told Sergeant Gormley and me what was going on. But really, how are you?"
A month ago. That was a lifetime ago. He shrugged. "I don't know. Tried to kill myself. Spent 6 days in the inpatient psych ward at St. Victor's. Now…trying to stay alive."
His partner's hand slid across the table to squeeze his. "I'm sorry, Danny. But I'm glad you got help."
He nodded, pulled his hand away to cover a yawn. "Sorry. This…all of this, fighting to keep my head above water, is f-g exhausting."
She looked at him blankly, and he explained, "Something Dawson told me in the middle of the Russell case: 'You don't need to wait till you're drowning to reach out for help.' Unfortunately, I was already drowning when he said that. But it takes a f-g amount of work to keep your head above water."
He looked away. "Sorry, that was way more than you wanted to hear."
"It's okay. Anything I can do to help, Danny?"
"I don't know. Gormley given you a new partner yet?"
"Not a permanent one; just a temp until you're back. I've given him strict orders not to touch anything on your desk—he's just keeping it warm for you."
"Thanks, partner. How…how are things at the 5-4?"
"Too calm, too quiet, without you. I'm not trying to rush you back—take as much time as you need—but…any idea how long you'll be gone?"
Their drinks (cocoa for him, coffee for Linda) and sandwiches came then.
He waited until Baez had placed her order and their server had left, before he said, "I don't know. Another two months on sick leave, then probably six months on modified. I'm well enough to be bored, but no way am I ready to come back to work. I'll let you know when I know." He ran his good hand through his hair. "What kind of rumors are going around?"
Linda slid back into the booth next to him.
Baez shrugged. "The main one is that you were injured in some sort of undercover operation."
He scoffed. Unlikely. But far enough from the truth he could live with it.
They chatted for another hour, until Baez's phone rang and she said she had to go; she was on call and she'd caught a case.
When he and Linda left the coffee shop, Danny realized he'd actually eaten his entire sandwich. Yay for him.