Chapter 12
"Come out Virginia, don't let 'em wait. You Catholic girls start much too late." – Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young", Peaked at #24 on Billboard Hot 100 in July, 1978
"Bella, what are you doing?"
There's a bodiless voice, coming from somewhere nearby.
"Bella! What are you doing?"
The voice calls louder, trying to rise over the sounds of cars passing. A radio gets turned down, just so the voice can talk some more.
"Hello! Earth to Bella! What do you think you're doing, hitching?"
The voice sounds angry but also mirthful. It's very confusing because as far as I'm concerned, there is no person here to go along with that voice.
"Dammit, Bella."
A yellow Jeep pulls up practically on the curb to cut me off from my trek to the ocean, making me stop short.
I throw my hands in the air, annoyed. "What?" A sort of angry Edward is leaning towards the passenger side, looking at me like I've lost my mind.
"Are you nuts? Hitching? You'll get killed."
"Not such a bad idea today, methinks."
"Don't even joke about that."
"Whatever. Go away, Edward." I walk around the front tire and continue on my way, but he won't let up. He moves the car up a few feet until he's driving slow to match my furious walking pace. At least I think it's furious, I'm actually very tired so I could be strolling for all I know.
"What's eating you?" I hear the smile in his voice and I guess it's not his fault he has no idea that I've decided he doesn't exist anymore.
"Too much to mention. I suggest you drive off and spare yourself the gory details of what my life has become."
The car inches next to me with the crunch of gravel under its tires until the brakes squeal slightly as they stop. "Me driving off so you can get murdered by a trucker isn't an option."
"I really don't want to talk to you right now." I want to yell at you, ask you why you almost kissed me. Ask you why you're still with Rosalie. Scream that you're an idiot if you can't see what's going on right under your nose.
"Too bad. You can't get rid of me that easily." Edward jumps out of the car directly in front of me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"
And with that, I let out a sob. I'm done. Finished. I can't stop thinking about Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and him and what I know and what he might not and I'm about to–
"Hey. Look at me." I feel his hands on my arms and he stoops a bit to get me to look at him. "What's got you so worked up?"
I don't even care that I probably look like shit. The concerned look on his face makes me cry even more and before I know it, he's got me in his arms, and I'm sobbing like Stanley Kowalski into his white t-shirt.
"I said I didn't want to talk to you," I cry as I inhale his beachy-scented shirt.
"I heard what you said."
I look up at him, determined to pull away from his grasp, but fail miserably. "So why are you still here?"
"Bella, you're crying. Please tell me what's wrong?"
And the look on his face is so sincere, so heartwarming, it's like an oasis in the desert. So I say the only thing that comes to mind.
"Charlie and Renee might get divorced and a friend might be pregnant and Rosalie is cheating on you and if you can't see that you're a big idiot and I don't feel sorry for you."
He sucks in a breath and I immediately feel relieved and terrible all at the same time.
"Get in the car." He leads me to the passenger side and motions for me to get in.
"Didn't you hear what I said?"
"Again, nothing wrong with my hearing. Get in."
I'm just so tired of everyone and everything that I do what he says. I consider telling him to take me to Alice's, but when he starts driving towards Santa Monica, I feel myself relax a bit despite feeling guilty I'm not running over there to see if she's okay.
He's silent on the drive and I wonder what he thinks about my outburst, especially that last part. I sneak a look at his face a few times and it's a mask, I can't tell what's going on behind those surf blue eyes. Maybe he's waiting until we get to the pier to throw me off of it.
Arriving at the beach, we pull into a spot and he turns off the car. He makes no move to get out, so I ready myself to run to safety if I have to. We awkwardly sit there until he eventually exits the Jeep and looks at me until I climb out as well.
We walk to the pizza stand and when he asks if I want anything, I realize I'm still thirsty from my walk and subsequent meltdown. "Just a Tab or a Sunkist is fine. Or a Coke. Whatever," I ramble. He orders my drink and two slices, and we walk to the very end of the pier before he sits on a bench overlooking the ocean.
It's a very nice view, and I should appreciate the fact that I've had the drive to calm down, but the silence is killing me. "Aren't you going to say anything?" I practically shriek I'm so nervous. "I just told you that your girlfriend–"
"Rosalie isn't my girlfriend. Not anymore." He takes a bite of his slice and my mouth drops open.
"What?"
His brow furrows. "We broke up the night I crashed your date with Jared."
I'm stunned speechless. That was weeks ago. She never said anything, he never said anything. I didn't hear any rumors or gossip at Mac's or Tasty Dog or anywhere.
This can't be right. I start going over the timeline in my head. "But you came to dinner–"
"I haven't been to your house for dinner in weeks." And he's right. He has not been at my dinner table since the night Jared was over.
"Angela saw you two at Mac's the night after you…" Almost kissed me. "The night we were here. After UCLA."
"Rosalie asked to meet me. She wasn't taking it well, or so she said."
"You guys broke up?" I repeat dumbly.
"We did. You're telling me you didn't know?"
"How would I know? No one said anything. She acted like nothing was different in her life. She wasn't crying or…" I stop, realizing maybe that would hurt him to know. "You and I have hung out twice since then, you didn't say anything either."
He looks as surprised as I feel. "I assumed you just didn't bring it up to be polite."
"Have you ever known me to be tactful?" I chew my lip, sure it's none of my business. "Why did you break up? Because of… what I so eloquently blurted?"
He sighs and looks at the water. "Partly, yes. I knew there was something there going on with Emmett, and I tried to see if it was just a flirtation or whatever, but it became clear it wasn't."
The guilt inside me forms a lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, I knew. I'm sorry I didn't say anything but it wasn't my business, and she is kinda my sister. I guess I felt like I should be loyal even though I thought it was shitty."
"Don't blame yourself for someone else's crap behavior."
Weeks of unanswered questions start piling up inside me and I barely know where to start being nosey. "Why did you put up with it? Honestly, I feel like it has been going on a while. Not to, um, make this worse for you."
"I don't know how much you know about Rosalie or her dad?"
I pause, considering what this has to do with her cheating on him. "Not a lot, I know he left them."
"For as beautiful as Rosalie is, she's got more anxiety and insecurity than anyone I know. She's had her real father leave her and Renee without a word. Not a goodbye, nothing. She had another step-father that wasn't a nice guy. At all. I'm not sure you know the extent of that, either."
"I don't." I sit, staring at the ocean, wondering why I never asked these things of her. I just moved in and assumed her life was as pretty as she made it seem.
"At first I just thought she liked the attention from Emmett. You know her, always smiling at guys and not taking offense when they whistled at her or whatever. Well, that's the insecurity. I could take that, I can take another guy looking at my girl. But when it became obvious she was spending actual time with him, I wasn't going to put up with that. She begged me not to break up with her, that there was nothing going on. Asked me to forgive her and give her another chance. I did that twice."
All the fighting. All the times it looked like they weren't getting along.
They weren't.
He was trying to break up with her. Two times.
"I like to think I'm a good guy. She's such a… delicate girl, and knowing her history, I wasn't just going to abandon her and be out of her life. I couldn't do that to her. I tried to be a friend, but maybe I should've just ended it for good when I knew I should instead of treating her with kid gloves. That's my fault, I guess." He looks at me, and there's a kindness and sincerity to him that makes him even more beautiful.
"So you stayed with her? Even though you didn't want to?"
He inhales deeply before letting it out. "For a while. But I'm not all that innocent, I had some selfish motives I'm not proud of."
"A chance to eat Renee's food?" I ask, horrified.
"No, I don't have a death wish." He laughs and looks at me, his hair flopping over one eye in the breeze like it always does. "I'll tell you another time. Now tell my why you were crying on the side of the road?"
Sighing, I hesitate. Not because I don't feel comfortable with him, but because I'm not sure where to start. "How do you think Charlie and Renee get along?"
He looks slightly surprised at my question, but answers after a moment of thought. "They're a weird mix, but it somehow works. He's nice to her, which I don't know she's had a lot of. She looks at him like he's the best thing that ever happened to her. And I think he looks at her like a man truly smitten. But I can't know for sure. Why? You said they were getting divorced?"
"Rosalie threw that out at me when we were fighting. She basically said that Renee was already looking for husband number four and I shouldn't get too comfortable."
"Ouch. Think about who that's coming from, though. That's all she knows."
"I guess."
He takes another bite of his pizza and swallows. "Why were you fighting?"
I look up at him, brain full of worry. He must read it on my face because he just tells me to spit it out.
"Emmett came over. I told her I didn't like it, or him, for that matter. I said some stuff and then she said that about Renee. And then she slapped me."
"She slapped you?" His eyes bug out.
"Yeah. I said something pretty nasty, though, so…" I trail off, not wanting to bring up the drugs right now.
"No one should ever lay a hand on you that way."
"I left to not make things worse."
"And that's when I found you?"
"No." I bite my lip, not wanting to betray Alice, but maybe he'll drop me off there on the way home. "I saw a friend in the pharmacy. I think she was looking at those new pregnancy tests. She wouldn't talk to me, just ran out before I could help her."
"Shit."
Suddenly, I feel really horrible for being selfish and letting Edward take me to the pier. "I need to go see her. Would you give me a ride?"
"Of course."
My hand shoots out and holds his knee. "Edward, I… thanks for picking me up and for listening to me. You really are a good guy, I hope you know that. Rosalie really screwed up where you're concerned."
He ducks his head but I see him smile. "I appreciate that, Bella. But I did get something out of being with Rosalie."
"The clap?"
He laughs as he stands, and holds out his hand to me. "I got a new friend."
This time, I take it.
I direct Edward to drop me off at the end of Angela's block. Hopefully, she's home. I didn't even think to call first. If she's not, I can walk from here to Alice's alone, but I thought it might help to have Angela's no-nonsense attitude at a time like this.
Her mom's car is in the driveway, so I knock and wait until she answers the door. Before she can even say anything, I tell her to grab her bag and the car keys. Being the good friend she is, she does as I say without question. She probably sees the panic on my face.
I fill her in on the pharmacy situation but don't go into the whole Edward and Rosalie broke up thing, because that's not half as important right now.
When we pull up to Alice's, the front door is open but there aren't any cars so I hope that means she's home alone.
"Alice?" I call through the screen door, immediately hit with the weird church smell that is Alice's house. "I've got Ang here too. Will you let us in?"
Peering through the screen towards the hallway where I know her bedroom lies, she finally appears and looks like she's been crying. "Hey."
"Hey," both of us reply in return, waiting for her to unlatch the door. We follow her through the pictures of Jesus on the walls and statues of Mary on the tabletops into her bedroom where she lays on the bed and holds her teddy bear to her stomach.
Ang looks at me to start and I have no idea what to say. We sit on her floor and stare at her. "Uh, are you alright?"
Alice sighs and holds her bear tighter. "I don't know."
"I saw what you were looking at in the pharmacy, Alice. Are you … pregnant?" I whisper the last word because it seems so foreign to any conversation I ever thought I'd have with her.
"I think so."
Ang clutches my leg and I inhale deeply. "Who? How? We didn't even know you were seeing anyone."
"I don't tell you two everything, you know. I know what you think. I know you think I'm immature and a baby and sheltered. I'm not."
"We don't think you're a baby," Ang says. "We just feel protective of you. You always seem so… "
"You've just had a different upbringing than us, and your folks are so strict." I finish for her. "But you can tell us anything, Alice. Anything. We love you, we're your best friends. I'm sorry if you thought you couldn't confide in us." Just saying it makes me feel shitty. I hate the fact that I've ever made her feel like I'd judge her or disapprove.
Tears start coming down Alice's face. "I'm in love."
"You don't look so happy about that," Ang says and I pinch her. "Who's the lucky guy?" she adds as she rubs her leg.
"Promise you're not going to freak out?" Alice says and sits up.
"We promise. Pinky swear."
"I'm in love with Jasper. And he's in love with me."
Whoa. Ang and I exchange a look. "Mr. Whitlock knocked you up?" Ang blurts which earns her another pinch.
"He didn't 'knock me up'. We're in love. We have been for months. I didn't tell you two 'cause I know you always say it's in my head and that he's too old for me, and it's inappropriate."
"He's our teacher, Alice."
"Nothing happened in school. I mean, we both knew there was something there, but he didn't so much as lay a hand on me until the year was over." A swoony look comes over her face. "He takes me on dates. Real dates, not to Mac's or the Frosty Freeze. He took me to the planetarium and we had a picnic under the stars. We've been to museums and poetry readings. Sometimes, we just sit in the park and talk all day. He listens to me. He doesn't treat me like I'm too young or don't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't laugh at my ideas and opinions. He treats me like I'm his equal. He makes me feel special."
It hurts my heart that Alice had all this going on and couldn't tell us. Part of me wants to believe in the fairy tales and rainbows clouding Alice's vision, but the rational part of me wants to go find Mr. Whitlock and kick his ass for leading this poor girl on.
"He could get into a lot of trouble, Alice, he's at least twenty-seven," Angela says, more concern in her voice than before.
"Well, I'm eighteen, so it's okay, right?"
There are so many things about this that are not okay I don't even know where to begin.
If I thought my life has been as fucked up as an episode of the Twilight Zone lately, I can't even imagine what Alice has been going through. I want to lecture her, I want to scream at her and hug her and tell her it's all going to be okay but I have no idea if it will be. All I know is that we need to be here for her, right now.
"Okay. First things first, have you had your period?"
"I'm late. Almost three weeks. I didn't notice. And I've been feeling really nauseous."
The day she wanted to puke at the beach. Calling out sick. She was possibly pregnant. I rub my forehead, mad I didn't take her not feeling well more seriously. I slap my hands on my thighs. "Well, we have to go get one of those tests. I don't know much about them, but we should just get one and read about it. Let's go."
The ride to the pharmacy is awkward. Alice sits in the back, taking turns sniffling and telling us about Jasper and their love. He calls her Mary Alice, which makes her feel like a grown-up, and I remember the day in the skate park when he called her that. They had apparently already been together and her lack of words that day were a cover-up so we wouldn't catch on to what was happening.
I want to point out that if she thought it was wrong enough not to tell us, doesn't that mean there's something to be said for that? But I don't. I hold her hand from the front seat and just hmm and nod at all the details she's finally sharing.
Angela asks a few questions, but even for Angela, they're tame and not blunt, so I think she's in shock and feeling pretty much how I feel.
Like we've been run over by a bus.
Alice sits in the car while Angela and I go into the pharmacy on the other side of Malibu. Hopefully we won't see anyone we know and can avoid any rumors from starting. We look at the two tests available, shrug at each other and buy one. For good measure, Angela throws in a Hershey bar and I plop down a jar of Olay, just to take the focus away from the test like a teenage boy buying condoms.
We decide the safest place to do this test is the bathroom in my room. It's not strange for the three of us to be hanging out behind closed doors at my house like it would be Alice's, whose holier-than-thou parents have a policy that no door should ever be closed or locked.
Guess she and Jasper didn't get it on at chez Brandon.
We read the instructions three times, looking at the little dropper, test tube looking things and plastic trays, making sure we know what to do before we start so we don't mess up. I consider going to ask Rosalie if she or a Bimbo friend ever had to do one of these before even though I don't really feel like owing her a favor at the moment, but she's not home.
Emmett's car was gone from the driveway when we arrived, and all that was left was a bit of cracked mirror on the concrete that made me smile.
Alice pees into the little tray and we add the sheep's blood cells carefully, which icks me out, and then stir and put the mixture into the test tube. According to the instructions, you can't bump any of the components or the test will be null and void, so we hold our breath as we place the tube into the tray with the mirror on the bottom and say a little chant that we did it right. Hopefully we'll avoid having to go back to the store to buy another one and more skin-cream products and chocolate.
Waiting two hours for the results is excruciating, so we hang by the pool and try to distract ourselves by sunbathing. All I can think about is the vial in the little holder with the mirror on my bathroom counter, and how it's possibly about to change all of our lives. I want to ask Alice what she's going to do if it's positive, but she seems happy enough to be looking at magazines and drinking her Hawaiian Punch, so I don't bring it up. Might not matter anyway.
I hope.
The kitchen timer I brought outside hits sixty for the second time, and we all look at each other. Alice's eyes are wide-wide and Angela is the first one to get up. We follow her into the house and stare at the closed bathroom door.
"It's my test. I'll look first," Alice says, so Ang and I back away as she opens the door.
She picks up the contraption and sucks in a breath. I feel Angela reaching for my hand so I squeeze hers as Alice turns around, showing us the red ring at the bottom of the tube reflected in the mirror.
Positive.
Fuck.
PB Fun Fact: Bella mentions a bunch of sodas above… my fondest memory of soda is going to my cousin's house in Grand Rapids every summer for a couple of weeks, and our first stop when we got there would be to a distributor where we'd buy cases of soda (or pop, in their case) in glass bottles. My favorite was sarsaparilla, and I could not tell you today what that tasted like cause I don't remember. Going there to get the soda just meant the beginning of good times ahead!
PB Fun Fact: Not a memory, just thought I'd mention one of CarrieZM's comments to me that made me laugh. She was questioning the amount of research I had to do about the workings of early pregnancy tests in the 70's for this chapter. Not easy to find :)
Thanks as always to the two girls I'd embarrassingly purchase things in the pharmacy for, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM
(side note, Bella's rant at Edward above has no commas, and that's all ME so don't blame Carrie lol)