Chapter 13
"I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise." – Jimmy Buffett, "Cheeseburger in Paradise", Peaked at #32 on Billboard Hot 100 chart in June, 1978
When I was twelve, my friend Barbra gave me a book she stole from her older sister's bookshelf, called Mr. and Mrs. Bo Jo Jones. It was about a teenage couple that gets pregnant and decides to live like adults and try to raise the baby on their own.
Needless to say, all they did was fight and break up, and Barbra and I swore right then and there that we would never get pregnant until we were at least thirty.
That book had a really horrible outcome, and I can't help thinking about it since we found out about Alice. Not that Mr. Whitlock is a teenager, but I really don't see how this is going to work out any better for them than it did for the Joneses, living in a garage apartment and stepping out on each other.
I take my break at the Dog and straddle one of the picnic table benches, staring at the ocean and lost in thought on the previous day's events.
Once we got the results, the three of us sat on my floor, silent. I knew what I was thinking, and probably Ang, that abortion was going to be out of the question. I wondered if I could get a hold of that senior girl from last year that gave a baby up for adoption and out of desperation, again thought maybe Rosalie could help us.
"I can't talk to my parents about this," Alice said, nervously, looking from Ang and I with big, brown eyes. "What am I going to do? I have to tell Jasper." She looked like she was about to cry, and when I heard the car pull up in the driveway, I said the only thing I could think of.
"I think you should talk to Renee."
Angela backed me up, saying that out of all the adults we knew, Renee was by far the most open-minded. I guess I'd never really thought about it, but yeah, Renee was probably the hippest out of all of our moms. After some coaxing, Alice agreed, so I went downstairs and watched as Renee took groceries that were going to get slaughtered tonight out of her bags.
"Renee, can I talk to you? About something really private?" The look on her face when she turned around threw me. In place of the watery booze eyes and far-off expression was astonishment.
"You want my help?" This was the second person in this house to declare surprise at me asking for assistance. I put that on the back burner to mull over later.
"Well, it's not me, it's Alice. She can't go to her folks, you know how they are. She has no one else to talk to." Renee nodded, waiting for me to finish. "She's in… trouble."
I could tell the moment Renee understood what I was going on about, her face turned to one of a motherly, concerned parent. "I can talk to her, but depending on how serious it is, I'm probably going to advise her to tell her parents regardless."
"I understand. I'll go get her." Racing back up the stairs, I felt warmth towards Renee. This was maybe the first time I'd ever gone to her for anything.
Angela and I went out by the pool and gave Alice and Renee some privacy. They were in there a long time, and when they came out, Alice's eyes and nose were red, but she was nestled into Renee's side under a protective arm.
"I'm going to talk to Jasper. And then I'm going to talk to my parents when they get home from their church trip. Thanks, Renee. I really appreciate it."
"Call me anytime, sweetie. I'm always here for you." Alice hugged her, and Renee kissed the top of her head before Alice told us she'd call us in a few days. She wanted time to think, she said.
Watching Renee go back into the house, I tried to remember if I'd ever hugged her besides after the wedding, and I felt ashamed that maybe I'd never given her the chance to befriend me and show affection.
I shake salt over my fries at the table, listening to the kids yelling and birds crying overhead, contemplating life and wondering if Alice has decided what to do. I can't even imagine being in her shoes, and laugh bitterly that I'll never have to worry about it the way I'm going.
A hand reaches out and grabs a fry, and I'm about to smash it onto the table when I recognize the freckle on the third knuckle.
"Get your own fries." I smile at Edward as he sits across from me.
"I would but the girl that works the window is nowhere to be seen."
"She's terrible."
We sit there with goofy grins on our faces as he takes another fry.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Feeling any better?"
Things with Alice are crazy, but at least we're on the right path to figuring it out. I haven't seen Rosalie, so I guess that's what it is for now. Renee and Charlie seemed lovey-dovey at dinner last night. "I think so."
"Good." He nods and takes a third fry, but I don't protest, I suppose I owe him.
"Thanks for kidnapping me yesterday, I guess I didn't realize I wanted someone to talk to."
"You can always talk to me." The truth in his eyes tells me he means it.
Not wanting to spread Alice's business, and really not in the mood to discuss Rosalie anymore, I change topics to ask how the movie is going.
He beams. "Rad. We're in a good spot at the moment. Just need to tighten things up and make some final decisions." His finger traces the carved initials of some long-ago lovers as his eyes follow the movement. "I'm going to go to UCLA later, um, if you want to come see the rough cut?"
If I were a betting man, I'd say Edward Cullen appeared nervous.
"I'd love to."
He smiles big. "Great. It's a date."
"Is it?" I blurt, and immediately cover my mouth with my salt and fry-covered hand.
His eyes widen and I want to kick myself. "Do you want it to be?"
Yes. Yes yes yes. "You know, no, it's cool, we're friends, you know? So no?" I blabber.
"What if I want it to be?" His deep blue eyes hit mine and I feel my toes curl under the table. I swallow and a slow smile spreads across my face.
"Then I'd say it's your lucky day."
Edward tried to insist on picking me up, but I got my way and told him to get me at Mac's later. I'm just not in the mood to take the chance that Rosalie will see him, as I'm still not sure what this 'date' means, if anything. Also, I don't want to get the third degree from Charlie and Renee.
I'm more agitated than Ann Romano talking to Schneider as I pace my room trying to figure out what to wear. Normally, I'd be in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, sockless with my Vans on, but this is maybe a date?
A date with Edward?
I suck in a deep breath and clutch my chest, falling down on my bed and staring at my poster of Leif Garrett.
Oh My God.
What if he holds my hand again? Touches my cheek? What if, what if? Crawling under my bed, I grab the hidden Angela and Alice vodka and take a healthy swig. Without the cranberry it's pretty nasty, but I can't go sneaking into Renee's room to grab one of her 'mood candies' from the medicine chest because there is no way I'm taking a chance on being grounded tonight.
After nixing the borrowed dress from Rosalie, a peasant skirt and some bell bottoms I took from Angela, I decide to just wear my regular clothes. This is who I am and I've had this uniform on each time we've hung out, and he hasn't seemed to mind. Besides, we're just going to sit in a dark room and watch his movie.
Dark room. Yoinks.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high that we'll be alone. More than likely Jared will be there, and the editor dude. So maybe it isn't a real date. I just don't know, so I figure I won't treat it as such and then I won't be disappointed. We've spent time together before, so I'll just act like I did those other times.
Finally settled on my tight navy scoop neck shirt and cutoffs, I keep the beach-tousled hair from work and hitch a ride to Mac's with Angela so I can fill her in on all the Edward and Rosalie stuff since there was no chance yesterday.
She squeals appropriately and tells me to eat shit when I try to tell her this might not be a date.
"It is so a date. Oh my god, I told you!"
"I'm nervous. Give me a ciggie." We light up and sit on her car. The sun is just going down and the teenagers are starting to come in from the beach and congregate around the picnic tables. Maybe this wasn't such a great spot to meet, who knows who might roll on in.
We bop along to KISS playing over the speakers and when we see Edward's Jeep pull in, my stomach turns to butterflies and Angela covertly hits me multiple times in the leg like I haven't been watching for him. I slide my butt off her car and slap her five, telling her I'll call her later.
As casually as I can, I jump in the Jeep and before he can peel out, he tells me I look nice and that he likes my hair like this. I look back at Angela who is giving me a thumbs up as I smile and wave goodbye.
I hold my hair in one hand as we whip down the highway, Van Halen's You Really Got Me blasting from the speakers. He catches me looking at him a few times and gives me that lazy, too-cool surfer smile, and I feel as cheesy as a Judy Blume novel when I blush.
The campus is quiet, only a few students walk the grounds as Edward and I make our way to the editing department.
Jared looks up from some equipment and his eyes widen slightly when he sees me standing behind Edward. "Hey," I say and give a little wave.
"I hope you guys are cool with Bella hanging out," Edward asks Jared and some redheaded kid with glasses he introduces as Glen. They both say sure, so I sit off to the side and watch them talk about a scene or two before the lights go off and the film starts.
There's no soundtrack or anything in the beginning, just some set-up shots of waves and stuff, underscored by rushing water and bird sounds. Soon, older footage of surfers with some commentary begins and I get giddy when Charlie appears on screen in some competition shots. I make a mental note to remember to ask Edward where he found them. It's neat seeing the vintage scenes mixed in with the new stuff, and the guys talking about the old days in the conversation I witnessed on the beach is there, too, edited and shot beautifully.
The whole thing has a great feel to it and I tell them all that when the film is over. They seem happy enough, make a few edits, talk some more about what else they want to include and then Edward turns to me.
"Ready to go?"
"Sure." I have no idea where, or if this is the whole evening. We talk a little more about the film while we walk to the car, and when we get in, Edward doesn't start it right away.
"Do you need to go home or anything? Did you want to get something to eat?"
"I don't need to be anywhere, no." I smile, happy he's not looking to get rid of me yet. "What kind of food are you going to make me eat now?"
His eyes narrow. "Hmm. I think maybe we should leave the exotic stuff for another time. What do you say to just getting some burgers and sitting at the beach?"
Edward all to myself? Yes, please. "Sounds great."
We pick up some In-N-Out and drive to a beach closer to UCLA than Zuma, which is fine with me. We sit in the car, listening to the radio low as we eat and make small talk. It's not the uncomfortable kind, where you're saying anything just so there's no silence. I don't embarrass myself or say anything dumb, so I pat myself on the back a little and chow down.
Angela would totally chastise me for eating like a pig in front of a guy on a first date, the only 'safe' food according to her is a dry bagel, but I don't feel awkward in front of him at all.
I guess all the practice sessions eating Renee's slop with him has been worth the stomach pain and intestinal distress.
"I love this song," I point out when "Ventura Highway" comes on the radio. "Charlie used to drive around in his old convertible and play it loud. He said it just felt like everything he thought about my mom wrapped up in one piece of music. She was a true California girl – blonde, blue-eyed, tan and pretty." I laugh a little. "I obviously take after Charlie. Thank God I haven't grown any facial hair. Yet."
"We're all thankful for that."
"Do you think I need to tell Charlie the end of the porn 'stache era is coming to a close?"
"Is it? I was just thinking about growing one of my own." He fingers his upper lip in the rearview.
"Um, that's a big no."
"Why, you don't think I'd look good?"
You'd look good in anything. Or nothing. "Maybe in a few years, when you've got a nice beer belly going."
"And sideburns for days."
"Don't forget the lime green polyester leisure suit that's all the rage with middle-aged dads."
"I think Carlisle has one of those."
I make a gagging sound and we lapse into silence, smiling at each other.
He takes my wrappers from my lap and bags them with his trash before throwing it into the garbage can nearby. "Wanna sit?" He motions towards the hood and I scramble out. We sit side-by-side on a blanket he grabbed, looking at the few stars we can see through the smog and listening to the black ocean mixed with the radio.
The tranquil melody of Surfer Girl starts and I sigh, never more content to be in one place at any moment in my life than right now. Edward clears his throat and rests his forearms on his knees. "Just because you're not the typical California blonde doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful California girl."
My heart stops beating and my mind runs through a million ways to interpret that.
But when I turn to look at him, there can be only one way.
His serious eyes are fixed on me as he leans in closer.
And then the unimaginable happens.
Edward Cullen's lips touch mine gently, and it's everything I've ever hoped for in the world.
PB Fun Fact 1: I had that book mentioned in the beginning. I remember being obsessed with teen books about first times and pregnancies and all that. I'd be in the bookstore and flip through the pages… if it had a curse word, that meant it was a 'bad' book and was MINE. Funny where life takes you ;)
PB Fun Fact 2: Me and my friend Claire actually wrote down a list of all the foods you shouldn't eat on a first date. Through this very scientific method, we determined the only safe food was a dry bagel. You are welcome.
Thank you to the girls I'd hang out on car hoods and smoke with, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. You guys rock like KISS.