Chapter 17

"And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes
And hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides" - "Sometimes When We Touch", Dan Hill, It was Hill's biggest hit, peaking at #3 on the United States Billboard Hot 100 in March of 1978.

When we pull up to the UCLA theater, Edward comes around to open my door and takes my hand. It isn't awkward when we meet up with our parents and he doesn't let it go. Esme and Carlisle just say hello and barely give our clasped hands a glance, and we all walk down the red carpet the student film association has put out for the event. There are lots of people milling about, and Edward tells us that it is rumored past alumnus Francis Ford Coppola has attended before. I look around the crowd for him, but I'm not really sure what he looks like so I give up.

He grips my hand tightly as we walk through the crowd looking for Jared and Glen. "Are you nervous?" I ask.

"Sort of. I mean, I know it's a good short film, but you just never know."

"It's going to be awesome, don't worry. I'll still whistle even if it bombs."

"Gee, thanks." He grins and pulls me to where the guys are. I can tell they are also nervous waiting for it to start already. The usual pleasantries are exchanged between the guys and our folks until finally the announcement comes for the students to report to someone named Mr. Rubenstein and Edward takes a deep breath. Our parents wish him luck and he kisses me sweetly on the cheek before going into the theater. We follow a few minutes later when it's announced the audience can take our seats and settle in for what Edward says will be about two hours of films.

My body is vibrating and I'm fidgety waiting for Edward's turn. We watch the first one, about a couple going through a divorce. It makes me think of what Rosalie said about Charlie and Renee, and I glance at them in the dark, their faces reflecting the light from the screen. They're holding hands and I decide that Rosalie really is full of shit, while I subconsciously put my hand on my bag. I don't know a lot about how she and Renee lived before Charlie and I showed up, but there has to be a lot of anger there to spew lies and be able to do what she's doing to herself.

I shake my head of thoughts and give a valiant effort to focus on the films. The next one is pretty out-there, or artsy fartsy as Charlie said. There are a lot of people dressed in white jumping around for some reason with big balls that are supposed to be the planets. A monotone voice over drones through the theater, and I almost fall asleep until I feel Esme bump my arm.

"This is it!" she says proudly and I sit up straighter, searching out the back of Edward's perfect head ten rows ahead of us.

I recognize the beginning instantly since I've seen the rough cut and poke Charlie in the ribs when he comes on screen. He's grinning ear-to-ear and I'm happy he's enjoying seeing himself thirty feet tall. The changes I remember them talking about are all there and even though I had no doubt they knew what they were doing, the final product is perfect.

When the last credit rolls off the screen, the crowd starts to applaud and I jump up on my feet, the promised wolf-whistle coming out of me loudly. The guys stand like the other filmmakers did after their films and wave to the crowd. The smile on Edward's face is huge as he laughs at me whistling, making a fool of myself, but I don't care. I'm so proud of him.

Unfortunately, there are two more films after that because all I want to do is go to him and hug him silly. But we watch patiently and I have to admit they're pretty good. Not as good as Edward's, of course, but interesting enough.

As soon as the lights come on, I see Edward standing to walk back to us. I hesitate in our row, giving his parents the opportunity to congratulate him first, but he reaches over my parents and grabs me, pulling me into the aisle and giving me a huge hug right in front of everyone.

Carlisle and Esme are right there after, hugging him and telling him how good it was, and my parents follow suit. We file out of the theater and our parents drink wine and nibble on some cheese as Edward gets interrupted frequently by people congratulating him and giving him wonderful praise. I'm so happy that others recognize that it was definitely the best one tonight.

I beam brightly by his side as Edward keeps his arm draped over my shoulders casually like we've stood like that hundreds of times.

The Polynesian Room is straight out of a bad Elvis movie.

The bar has a thatched roof of palm fronds hanging over it, there are Tiki face masks hanging on every floral-papered wall, and everything looks to be made out of bamboo. The waiters and waitresses all have Hawaiian shirts on and now I know why Charlie picked the one he did. The music over the speakers makes me look around for Bobby Brady playing the ukulele with Don Ho before Greg gets into the epic surf accident.

We squeeze into a small, round leather booth in the corner which causes Edward's thigh to press up against mine. Renee's is pressed against my other in the tight space, but I choose to focus on his.

Charlie orders a round of Mai Tais and I'm surprised when he includes me. "You're going to be eighteen in a few days, live it up."

"A few days?" Edward's eyebrows rise. "I didn't know."

"Yup, and still no car," I dig at Charlie, who just shrugs. Maybe I'm getting one. That would be out of this world. Unless it's a Pinto.

The drinks arrive and we cheer Edward and clink Tiki head glasses, reliving the screening again while Esme talks about how famous he's going to be. The mood is light and I purposefully forget all about the thing nestled away in my bag.

We nosh on a Pu Pu platter for six, pork stir fry, barbecue beef and pineapple rice. I don't point out that this is exactly what the Chinese restaurant down the street serves, enjoying the fact that Edward isn't making me eat something like octopus Laua, which I learned about when Carl Rauch gave his oral report on Hawaii.

Happily stuffed and slightly buzzed, I barely flinch when Edward puts his hand around me on the back of the banquette and rubs my shoulder lazily. I lean into him a bit and sigh.

I hope Carlisle is driving home because Charlie has to be drunk when he utters 'what took you two so long to realize you had feelings for each other' right before I hear him say 'ow' and bend down to rub his shin, glaring at Renee.

"Oh my God," I say and put my hand over my face, while Edward just kind of sputters beside me. I point at Charlie. "No more Mai Tais for you!"

"I think we're all wondering," Esme slurs and I hope to CHRIST that Carlos is due to come tomorrow 'cause I know how this evening is ending.

"Okay, thanks for dinner," I bark, putting my hands on the table and standing, waiting for Edward to get a clue and let me out.

We shuffle out of the booth awkwardly, I rattle all the glasses as I pretty much pull the tablecloth with me, and it's so not the exit I was hoping for.

Out on the sidewalk, I turn to Edward. "I'm really sorry about that, Charlie shouldn't drink whatever is in a Mai Tai."

Edward laughs and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, it's fine. I'm not embarrassed."

"You should be," I argue, but smile at him anyway because he's so cute.

"So… when did you realize you had feelings for me?" he teases and I want to barf egg roll all over his shoes.

"I realized you were a jerk really early on."

"Bella Swan, do you have feeeeelings for me?"

"You're drunk too."

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. "Okay, I'll stop teasing."

"Thank you."

"But we're gonna revisit this. Wanna go to Mac's?"

He must feel when my whole body tenses.

"You don't want to?" He pulls back and almost looks hurt.

"It's not that I don't want to, trust me, I want to … " Hell, I want to take a billboard out on Sunset advertising that Edward Cullen just kissed me silly not three hours ago. "I just…" I think about Rosalie. I can't say it because he doesn't know about the time bomb in my bag, but I'm worried about what seeing us together might do to her. She's been so erratic and already thinks none of us care about her. "What if… people are there?" He breaks away from me slightly, and I worry he'll never come back.

Edward is a lot more astute than I give him credit for. "Look, the facts are that me and Rosalie are finished. We have been for a pretty long time now, you know that. I'm not going to hide from her, I don't want to hide this. Life goes on. And my life at this moment is wanting to hang out with you. We're not doing anything wrong."

My eyes move back and forth looking in his, and I love the amount of confidence and self-assuredness I see there.

I squeeze his biceps. "Let's go to Mac's."

Mac's is absolutely packed. A quick scan of the parking lot shows no Rosalie, no Emmett, no gold Trans Am. I'm jumpy nonetheless.

"Okay. So… we're here ... together," I say stupidly, realizing suddenly that everyone is going to see us exit this car together. I know how teenagers' minds work. They're going to whisper and gossip, and I'll be the center of attention.

My hands twist in my lap nervously until Edward pulls one into his. "Bella, what are you so apprehensive about?"

I take a deep breath. "I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I know. I just…"

"If Rosalie is here, we say hello, and we move on and do what we were going to do. Hang out with our friends."

"Well, that's the problem."

"What is?"

I sigh. "This is going to sound completely stupid, but…" I take a shaky breath. Here goes nothing. I turn in my seat to face him. "I'm not really sure where your head is at, or what this is we're doing. I don't know that I'm ready for whatever this is to be shared with other people. I'm not ready to let them know what's going on. Not until I know what's going on."

"Bella–"

"That is, if something is going on. I mean, you might not think this is anything but making out or whatever, fun for now. Maybe there's nothing going on and I don't want people to feel bad for me or whatever if we stop hanging out, like we said we're doing, 'cause they think you dumped me."

"Bella–"

"And I'm okay with that if it is just that. I mean, I'd like it to be more, I like you. But I'm an over thinker and a planner and I'm sucking all the fun out of this, aren't I?"

"Frankly, yes." He has the audacity to laugh at me. I frown at him and he starts the car. Great. Now I've really done it.

"Let's go to Zuma instead. We need to talk."

This can't be good.

Seems my Love Boat storyline is sunk before the commercial break.

PB Fun Fact: My family would frequent (and I mean like, sometimes two or three times a week) a Chinese restaurant in town called Hong Hing that was totally old school. The owners of the restaurant all wore suits, smoked up at the podium and coat check area, and would walk around the tables checking in on everyone. My parents were some of their best customers and they'd sit with us and talk while we ate. We used to be seated before other people, get free fruit platters, etc. The bar area was all thatch-roof tiki style and the bartender wore a Hawaiian shirt. My folks would have a drink in there first and us kids would get a coke and sit in the corner on the floor. As we got older (not legal, yet) it would be the place to go to get a Mai Tai underage. Sadly, they closed their doors when I was in my 20's. My siblings and I still talk about it and mourn it.

Big thanks as always to my girls, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM… words cannot describe how much fun I had with you two crazy chicks this past weekend. Love you both.