Chapter 18

"And it's been you woman, right down the line." – Gerry Rafferty, "Right Down the Line", Released as a single in mid-1978, it reached #12 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100.

When I first saw Rosalie Hale at Zuma beach, I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

Long blonde hair, svelte tan legs, full red lips. She was there in the middle of a crowd of girls, all gorgeous in their bikinis, but she stood out. There were guys on the fringe of the group, all trying to catch the eye of the stunning girl who tossed her hair easily and threw a megawatt smile at anyone in her vicinity. I was like any red-blooded male, it was easy to be attracted to her movie star good looks and California all-American-beauty vibe.

My group of friends and hers seemed to travel in the same circle, and we'd hang out casually wherever our friends met up, but I never saw her as more than just a girl in the group. One night at a bonfire on Zuma, we ended up sitting next to each other and we chatted, drank beer and smoked a little. She flirted and told me she thought I was good-looking, and I reciprocated, telling her she was pretty. That seemed like enough for us to decide to hang out alone. Things were good with us at first, it was easy, fun, not too serious. We'd go to the movies or hang out at Mac's, attend house parties and bonfires. She'd pretend to watch me surf and I'd pretend I cared that she was.

One night she'd had too much to drink or maybe something triggered it, but she started to tell me a little about her past and I soon saw a side of her that you wouldn't know was there. She wasn't just a beautiful girl with no thoughts in her head, but someone that had more pain than I think anyone would ever guess. She had dark feelings and hidden sorrow, both things she masked from the world with what she thought others wanted to see–the face, the body, the giggle, the hair-tossing, the smile.

She said she felt comfortable with me, something she hadn't felt with another person in a long time, so she began to open up to me more about her troubled past. I'd listen and nod, and I think that's one of the things she liked about me the most at first, that I'd hear her out and just let her be who she waswithout judgement. I didn't make her feel like she needed to be someone else, someone perfect.

She was ten when her father left her and her mother without any warning. He just never came home from work one day. Left them practically penniless and Renee had to work two jobs to try to make the rent on a small studio apartment. Rosalie told me she'd wait at the window, convinced he was about to pull up, ice cream in hand, and things would be okay. She told everyone she knew that her daddy was on vacation and he'd be taking them back to their house real soon, where her toys and her stuffed animals waited for her.

Of course, they weren't there. And of course, he never came back.

Never a visit, never a call, never a birthday card. She didn't even know where he was now.

And then came Tony. Rosalie was excited about it at first, she'd missed having a father, and she tried to be a good girl so he wouldn't want to go away. But when Tony began to get rough with Renee and verbally abusive to both of them, a part of Rosalie thought maybe this was just the way it was with men. She watched Renee put up with it for far too long, and inside, Rosalie's self-esteem went out the window with Renee's.

Renee finally kicked Tony out, started to reclaim her life, and two years later Charlie came into the picture and swept Renee off her feet.

He was charming, good-looking, and was really nice to Rosalie. He'd bring her gifts and dance with them both in the living room. Renee seemed happier than ever and regained the spark Rosalie remembered from her childhood, but in reality, Rosalie was just waiting for the moment he would leave, just like they all did.

The things she told me were hard to hear, but it explained so much when things started going downhill, which they did rather quickly because a relationship based on one-sided need tends to self-destruct.

I tried to understand the whys of her actions and accept them, tried to sympathize even, but it was becoming harder to separate what I knew she needed from what I couldn't or didn't necessarily want to give while getting nothing in return.

It got tiring. The constant insecurity her flirting seemed to ease for her, only fixed in her mind by her ability to win men over. She'd pick fights–often cruelly–as a way to get my attention when she thought she had lost it. It all began to build up, and I knew things weren't going to last between us much longer.

I started going to her place for dinner at her insistence. I never really knew if she wanted me there to try to get us closer again, or to make herself feel like someone wanted her, but I went, still feeling sorry for her past and not wanting to give up on someone that needed love so badly. Her mother's food was horribly inedible, but being with her and being her friend if that's what she needed was what mattered in the moment.

Until I met her step-sister.

Bella Swan was the complete opposite of Rosalie Hale. Snarky, quick-witted, funny as fuck. She made each meal bearable while we choked down weird mystery meat and I had to fend off Renee's martini-induced touches on my arm plus duck Rosalie's mood swings.

She was so confident, so different from what sat next to me that I couldn't help but be attracted to her. She would say shit she shouldn't that would make my dick stir under the table and make my legs shake. I'd have to close my eyes or look at the sky so no one would see how much she affected me or how much I wanted to look at her, because besides her sharp mind and even sharper tongue, her wavy brunette hair and soulful chestnut eyes made my insides somersault like not even Rosalie's stunning beauty had done.

I didn't want to hurt fragile Rosalie, I truly didn't. Even though I had my suspicions she was seeing someone else. So I kept showing up, and I told myself it was because I vowed to be a friend to Rosalie.

But in reality, I had fallen head over heels in love with the girl across the table.

"You what?" I say, voice shaky as I stare at Edward, wide-eyed.

"I fell in love with you. I think it was meat loaf night."

"I think I just had a stroke. You're in love with me?"

"Yes." My eyes burn and my tongue feels itchy and it's all I can do to not find a payphone and call Angela, but they're hard to find at Zuma. "Say something," he pleads, grabbing my hands and moving his thumbs across my palms as we sit on his beach blanket, facing each other.

"I think this is maybe the first time I actually have nothing to say." My eyes dart between his, and I see a bit of worry creeping in. "Wait! I do! I have something to say!" I take a deep breath and say the thing I never, ever, ever thought I'd have a chance to say.

I pull one hand from his and cover my face, first. "I have been in love with you for a really long time. Like months, which is an eternity at my age." I peek one eye at him from behind closed fingers.

"Months?" He looks a little surprised but pretty happy at this, I hope. He gives me that lazy, oh-so-sexy smile and I put my hand back in his, satisfied I didn't just make a fool of myself. "Do tell."

"Nuh-uh, you first. Just in case this is some huge practical joke and I'm about to be on Candid Camera." I look around for Allen Funt to pop out from behind the lifeguard stand.

"I–" he begins but I quickly cut him off, my nervous energy taking over the conversation as I grip his hands too tightly.

"When did you know? I mean, I mentioned how you never spoke to me. All that time? Seriously?"

"Like I said, I think it was meat loaf night. You threw your portion in the bushes when no one was looking and you won me over." At my look of annoyance, he laughs. "I don't know. I started coming over and you just had this energy about you I was attracted to. You were funny and said things that made me choke. You had a really good relationship with Charlie and I just felt … better when you were around."

"You always looked really annoyed when I spoke."

"I was trying not to laugh or appear infatuated. I just thought it was smarter if I didn't concentrate too hard on you."

"Why?" I ask, half dizzy that any of this could be true.

"Rosalie. I told you she's insecure, well, she mentioned a few times how she was jealous of you, of your camaraderie with Charlie, even how Renee seemed to gravitate towards you. You always had the focus at dinner because you were funny and seemed so comfortable in your own skin. She never saw herself that way and I couldn't be a jerk and ignore her to pay attention to you, the one person she thought she couldn't compete with."

"Compete with? Me?" I screech.

"Bella, I don't think you see yourself clearly." He shifts on the blanket closer to me, raises our hands and starts playing with my fingers in the space between us. "There's a self-assuredness to you that not many girls have. It's very attractive, the wit and confidence. Sexy, too."

Whoa. "You think my wit is sexy?" I whisper, afraid for all of this to dissipate in the air and hang heavy like the LA smog.

"The rest of you, too."

Kissing him silly seems like the right thing to do, but I have so many more burning questions that I don't want him to forget the answers to because of my stellar make-out skills. "You barely ever looked at me at Tasty Dog. You never let me wait on you."

"I carried a lot of guilt where my feelings were concerned. I did my best to avoid you, when I could. I'm sorry if it made you feel like I didn't like you. I was trying to make things easier on me."

"But you crashed two of my dates with Jared."

"Bella, why do you think that is?"

"There are a lot of reasons that come to mind. You wanted to get away from Rosalie, or you hated me and didn't want me to have any fun."

"It was the opposite of hate, I think." He smirks. "Bella, everything about you drives me crazy."

I'm still in disbelief. "You crashed so you could … be near me?"

"I couldn't imagine letting Jared be alone with you, even though I knew it was for the best. That was the selfish side of me I mentioned on the pier."

"The night you said you didn't want me to say things like road head. You made it seem like it would've been fine coming from anyone but me."

"You were killing me inside, when you would say things like that. Every time you put that vision in my head, I had to recite surfing stats just so I could function."

That knowledge makes me feel as sexy as Charo. Cuchi cuchi! I lean in, and this kiss feels so much different after all these revelations. I want to kiss him for days, but I pull back after a minute.

"I never did, just so you know. The um, road head thing with him."

"That is good to know."

"It was hard for me to see you with Rosalie, like, making out at the movie theater or whatever."

He sighs and looks down. "I was dating her, I was confused about you. I did what boyfriends do. I thought you were into Jared. I'm sorry if that hurt you in anyway."

"I wasn't. Into Jared, I mean."

"Good." His smile is as bright as the Hollywood sign. "But I think I'll pretend anything that might've happened between the two of you didn't, if you don't mind."

"I didn't sleep with him, just so you know," I blurt. Maybe it's too early to throw that out there, but I figured if we're being truthful, might as well go all the way. Besides, he apparently likes my ability to disarm him. "I'll try to do the same with you and Rosalie."

"I didn't sleep with Rosalie."

"Um. WHAT?"

"Rosalie and I never slept together."

My eyes are wide. "Why not?" I ask, not caring how personal that might be.

"We weren't dating very long, and things weren't good between us, not good enough for me to take that step. Like I said, I like to think I'm a nice guy."

I stare at him, open-mouthed for a moment, right before I jump him.

My lips crash into his and he holds me as we fall back. I don't even care that we're getting sand all in his beautiful hair, I'll volunteer to wash it out later. He holds onto me tightly and we lay like that, mouths moving together. I don't know if Edward feels the same way, but kissing him without any hesitation or doubt in my mind, filled with all the knowledge I have now, feels like a relief.

Like all the questions in all the world have been answered and there's nothing to stand in our way.

PB Fun Fact: Charo was a HUGE celebrity when I was a kid. She was constantly making appearances on variety shows and was a staple on Love Boat for some reason. When I was in fourth grade, I begged my parents for a sequin tube top like the kind I'd seen her and all the disco-loving people wear. They got me a red one, but I was under strict orders that I couldn't wear it outside of the house. I fooled them once, and wore it under a red gingham checked shirt to a Brownie event.

Thanks to my very own girls across the table, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM. I fell head over heels for you both instantly.

Very important A/N!
I will be taking two weeks off, I'm going on vacation.

See you in mid-November!