Chapter 20

"Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't
Be long away
'Cause the things you do my Goodbye Girl
Will bring me back to you." – David Gates, "Goodbye Girl", a song by the lead singer of Bread. In 1978 following the premiere of the hit movie of the same name, the song reached number 15 on the Billboard Hot 100 in April.

Charlie grips the magazine much like Edward did. I can see the veins in his wrists pulsing as his stare gets darker and his mouth forms into a thin line under his mustache.

"Where did you get this?" he asks, and even though I know he's not really asking where, I answer with the obvious because I don't know what else to say.

"The pharmacy."

He places it down in front of him and his hands make fists. His voice comes out calm, but there's no question he's anything but. "I'm gonna kill him."

For a second, I'm worried he's thinking this was Edward.

"I'm going to go down to that used car lot, bring every state trooper within a twenty-five-mile radius to witness me choking out that bastard."

I'm surprised he knows about Emmett. "Wouldn't you get arrested right away? I mean, you wouldn't want the cops there, I'd think."

Charlie doesn't look up from the magazine, but his voice remains even. "Bella, shut up."

I'm not dumb. "Yes, sir."

Renee is oddly quiet next to Charlie. She's not looking at the magazine but she's not looking at us, either. I'm about to ask her if she's okay when I see one tear slide down her cheek. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking this is for her to find out.

"Did you have any idea this was going on?" He looks up at me with fire in his eyes. I know he's not mad at me, but it sure feels like it.

I think of the coke packet. "No, I didn't know she had done… this." I debate telling them about the drugs, but I'm scared to bring it up. "How do you know about Emmett?"

He looks at Renee, then at me. "He's come up in conversation." I think about the fight between Renee and Rosalie I overheard. "You probably know more than her mother and I do about this guy?"

I squirm a little. "I have seen him before with girls that look like that," I nod towards the magazine, "I didn't guess this, though. I know he rubs me the wrong way. Everyone thinks he's shady, hanging out at Mac's and stuff."

"Why didn't you tell us how you felt about him?" Charlie accuses.

My eyes bug out at him. "Tell you? What was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey, Rosalie's now dating a drug dealer and skeezeball'? That would've gone over great with her."

"Drug dealer?" Renee gasps.

"She's your sister, you have to look out for each other!" He slams his hand down on the table. Inside, I repeat to myself he's not really mad at me, but it hurts nonetheless.

"Yeah, well this sister of mine had him over and I told her I didn't like it. That I didn't like him. You know what she did? She slapped me."

Renee finally looks at me. "She slapped you?" She brings her hands to her face and that's when she starts crying for real. My stomach sinks and I almost wish I hadn't said anything. I can take a slap in the face. What I can't take is the guilt that I might've just ruined their perception of Rosalie further.

Charlie slides closer to Renee and puts his arm around her. He looks at me and sighs. In the span of five minutes, my young-at-heart father has aged a decade. "I'm sorry for taking this out on you. But why didn't you tell us any of this? About Emmett or the drugs. Why didn't you tell us you fought?"

My lip quivers and it hits me that my family is never going to be the same. We've turned a corner we're never going to be able to get back around. I stare at the magazine, at the image that's been branded behind my eyelids every time I close them. I do feel guilty. I should've said something when I saw the coke and when I knew she was seeing him and when she hit me. Maybe I should've talked to her more or talked to someone. Anyone.

"I guess I didn't want to get her in trouble." I tear up a bit myself.

"Don't get mad at Bella, Charlie," Renee says quietly from under his arm. "Be mad at me."

Charlie looks down at her, confused. "Why?""

"Because I knew."

Whoa. I hold my breath and look between Renee and Charlie nervously. "What do you mean, 'you knew'?" His voice is oddly calm and slightly disbelieving all at the same time. "Knew what, exactly?"

Renee lets out a distressed sigh and her shoulders slump. Charlie keeps his arm around her, but he inches back a bit. "I knew what she was planning on doing. The modeling."

"Modeling? You call this modeling?" Charlie's voice rises. "You… allowed this?"

Renee's voice is shaky and she's staring at Charlie with big, watery eyes. "I didn't allow it, but I knew she was going to do it. It's not like she needed my permission. What was I supposed to do? She's nineteen years old. My relationship with Rosalie isn't a good one, I wasn't going to throw her out on the streets because she wanted to model nude."

Charlie sits staring at Renee, speechless like me. "This isn't nude modeling," Charlie eventually says, sadness in his voice. "This is pornography."

"I can see that," Renee snaps. "I didn't know! You think I like seeing my baby like this? You think this is my dream for her?" She cries harder and I feel for her. After what Edward told me about Rosalie's dad and step-father, I can maybe understand why Renee wouldn't want to be the same kind of shitty parent that disowns her.

Shifting in my chair, I feel uncomfortable, like I'm sitting in on a conversation I have no right to be a part of. I watch Charlie closely, afraid that this is going to do him in–I had no idea he felt so strongly for Rosalie that he'd be so affected by what she does.

It makes me wonder if Rosalie had known of Charlie's fatherly, protective feelings towards her, would she be doing what she's doing? There's no way to know, but it makes me sad she had no idea.

Charlie takes a deep breath and I can see his eyes start to glisten. "Do you know where she is?" he asks her, and I feel guilty I've been so caught up in Edward, I barely noticed when she was home and when she wasn't.

"Emmett has an apartment in Encino. She's been staying there on and off."

As soon as she says it, my blood races. My eyes shift between the two of them, weighing my words. There's no easy way. "Edward said there's a booming business, um, adult films and videotape." I swallow. "In Encino."

"Oh my god," Renee wails.

"Renee, you need to call her and tell her to come home so we can talk some sense into her."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to keep this from you, I swear. I thought it was just a phase, something she needed to do to make herself feel better." Renee grips his arm like he's going to walk away.

Instead, Charlie pulls her into a tight hug. "I love that girl, Renee. You are my family, and I need to know everything that goes on so I can help you."

"I was afraid you'd leave us."

He pulls back and puts his hands on her face. "I made vows to you, Renee. I don't take those lightly. And those vows include Rosalie and Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

Renee lets out a loud sob and collapses against Charlie's chest while reaching out a hand to me. I take it, and grip hers firmly. "I'll find Rosalie," she says. "I'll get her home."

I sure hope skeezeballs are listed in the phone book.

It's almost closing time at the Dog and I'm telling Angela about the morning's events while we listen to disco solely because Cook doesn't like it. Abba is playing loudly and even though I make fun of it, I resist the urge to sing along because I secretly harbor feelings for the Swedish quartet.

"I can't believe she knew," she says, munching on fries and leaning on the customer side of the counter. A fly gets dangerously close to going into her bikini top, so Ang smacks at it but it gets away. I keep telling her to stop putting Love's Baby Soft into her cleavage at the beach.

"Well, she knew she was planning to model nude, I guess she thought it was for an art class or something, not like, porn stuff." I sigh, unable to shake the uneasy feeling I've had since I turned my family upside down. I steal a fry and smear it through her ketchup. "I'm still wondering why she'd do it. Why would she want to take off her clothes and… do those things for a camera?" I wrinkle my nose and shake my head, trying to imagine what she'd get out of it.

"After everything you said Edward told you about Rosalie's history, I can kind of see why the attention she'd be getting would be appealing. Especially if Emmett is making her feel special for it. There's a lot to be said for daddy issues."

"Thanks for the insight, Dr. Joyce Brothers."

"I am planning to major in psychology. I know my shit." She grins, ketchup on her top lip and all. "No, really. Think about it. She's obviously looking to fill some void, and she definitely has problems with her confidence." She nods and takes a sip of her Tab. "Whatever Emmett is to her, he's giving her what she thinks she needs." Angela shrugs.

"I just hate not knowing what's going to happen. It's all so…" I trail off, unable to form the words. I couldn't wait to go to work today, that's how tense I feel being home. I haven't completely said it out loud, but I'm scared. I really don't want Rosalie to get further mixed in with who-knows-what in Encino, but there's very little I can do about it. I'll have to let Charlie and Renee handle it. I feel helpless.

After we polish off her fries, Angela changes the subject and I tell her all about the night before with Edward, happy to have a distraction. Much like Renee and Charlie, she says 'I told you so' about ten times and grills me about the make out session. I can still feel butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it, and I really hope that we can have some more alone time really, really soon.

We're gossiping and giggling while I wait on a few final customers, restock the napkin dispensers and wipe up. The sun is lowering, making everything orange and dreamy and I can't help but think about Edward. I can't wait until he comes by when he's done over at the surf shop. On instinct, like I have all summer, I look over at Cullen's to try and catch a glimpse of him.

Instead of Edward, what I see is Alice walking towards the Dog.

Hand in hand with Mr. Whitlock.

She looks sheepishly at me with her head ducked a little as she gets closer. "Ang," I whisper out the side of my mouth. "Alice."

Angela says 'huh?' too loudly and turns immediately. We stand staring at her as she makes her way to us, while Mr. Whitlock breaks off and sits on top of one of the picnic tables.

"Hi," she says and leans her forearms on the Formica.

"Hi," Ang and I say at the same time. Alice fiddles with a straw, peeling the paper off and scrunching it into a little ball while we wait for her to say something.

"How are you guys?" she asks, which seems like the dumbest thing to say.

"Fine. How are you?" I reply, which seems like the second dumbest thing.

"I'm good." She glances at Mr. Whitlock, and I see him smile brightly at her. "We're good."

"Good," Ang says with a sarcastic tone as she props her elbow on the counter and glares at Alice until she speaks.

"I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you guys. I just… my mother… I had to disappear." She shakes her head and I see the beginning of tears in her eyes.

"You could've told us your plan, Alice. No one knows better than us that telling your mother had to be the worst thing ever. We went to see her, she was… your mother. You know."

Alice sighs and puts her forehead in her hand. "You went there? What happened?"

"She showed us your letter, asked us a bunch of questions. We didn't say anything really and then we left." Alice nods, but doesn't give any more info. "Have you talked to her?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No. But she's trying to start trouble. I know she called the superintendent, but there was nothing they could do."

"Do about what, you? Or you and Mr. Whitlock?" Ang asks.

"About us. But Jasper had already quit and I'm eighteen."

"So, he's not in trouble?"

"There's nothing for him to be in trouble for," she says kind of angrily. "I told them that nothing happened until school ended, and by then Jasper already knew he was quitting."

"So, he quit to be with you, or because he knew he fucked up?" Ang blurts.

She looks at Ang for the first time. "Once we knew we needed to be together, he started looking for a new position."

"And the baby?" I say, warily.

Her face lights up. "Jasper is really happy about it, and so am I. I know I'll be a good mother and he's going to be a great father. He has all these nieces and nephews and he loves children."

"Okay," I say stupidly, thinking about Rosalie's father. She thought he was a good one, too.

Silence falls while Alice grabs another straw and plays with it. I look over at Mr. Whitlock, sitting on the table looking at us with a worried expression. I guess I can be thankful he didn't turn out to be a greaseball who leaves a pregnant, born-again eighteen-year-old with a bun in the oven, but whatever. "What about you? I mean, what about senior year?"

"I'll be going to school where Jasper is working."

I look at Angela and we share a confused glance. "Won't that be… weird? Like, you can't go to school where the father of your baby works," Angela says, wrinkling her nose.

"Jasper won't be working for a school. He's got a job as a director for a small theater."

"Where? Like over in Venice or something?"

"Um, no. In New York."

All the air around me gets sucked up into a soundless void, leaving nothing but the pounding of my blood and the thumping of my heart. It's so deafening, it's like the whole beach decided to clam up all at the same time. Even the seagulls seem to have stopped their relentless squawking. "New York?"

"Yes, he'll work and I'll go to school as long as I can. He has a sister who lives there, she's already said she'd help out. We'll be staying with her in Brooklyn until we can find something."

"You're moving to New York?"

"We are."

All the anxiety I've been carrying around–about Rosalie and Alice and all the bad changes in my life and topsy-turvy fucked up shit hits me all at once. Everyone in my life seems to be riding some crazy train and I have no ability to put the brakes on. "So you're just going to be an unwed, pregnant, high school senior in New York where the only person you know is the man that knocked you up and his sister you never met? That sounds like a great plan."

"Whoa, Bella," Angela whispers.

"What? She won't know anyone there." I look from Ang to Alice. "You won't know anyone there. What are you going to do if things don't work out or there's something wrong with the baby or you just get homesick?"

Alice sucks in a breath. "I didn't plan this, but it happened. And I'm happy about it. I'm going to be the kind of mother to this baby that I never had. Why do you want to take that away from me?" Her voice is shaky, on the verge of real tears and I immediately feel horrible. That's two people I've made cry today.

"I don't mean to take it away from you," I sniffle, upset with myself for my outburst more than anything. "If this is what you want then I want you to have it. There are just so many things like this that don't turn out okay for people, Alice. I don't want you to be one of them," I cry, thinking about Rosalie. "I just want things to be okay for you."

Her eyes soften. "You have to trust me, Bella. For the first time I know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm happy." She clutches my hand reassuringly, and as she does, it hits me. Alice has grown up. Maybe she's even surpassed me and Ang, two silly girls gossiping about how good our boyfriends can kiss while we smoke on the hood of a car and listen to Top 40.

"You have to promise you're going to keep in touch with us. You can't just leave and never talk to us again. We have to know…" I trail off.

"I… I'm really sorry, guys. I really am. For everything. For not telling you about me and Jasper, for not telling you I was leaving until now, all of it. I just… it was overwhelming and Jasper said to look out for myself, so I did. I think he meant it more in regard to my parents, but I ended up shutting you guys out, too. I didn't mean to hurt you."

With that, Alice starts crying more than me, so I jump the counter and hug her. Angela shows some emotion and caves, putting her arms around us both.

"Alice, we love you. And if you love Mr. Whitlock and he loves you too, then that's all that matters," Ang says and I swear I hear a shake in her voice, as well. We're a big, sloppy sobbing mess and when I look up, I see waiting customers standing a good ten feet away with scared looks on their faces.

I also see our former history teacher walking our way.

With a wipe to my nose on Alice's shirt, I step away from her and Angela releases her too.

"Hi, ladies."

"Uh, hi, Mr…"

"Jasper. You can call me Jasper, I think." He kind of half-laughs and I can tell he's nervous.

"Yeah," I say, but don't do any such thing.

Alice slips under his arm and she does look like she fits there, I have to admit. He's cradling her and they both look so happy I can't help but let go of some of my fear.

Besides, there's not much I can do about it.

"When are you leaving?" Angela asks.

"We're leaving tomorrow. I'm going to say goodbye to my parents. Um, that shouldn't go well, but I need to. Jasper will come with me."

Angela and I take turns hugging her again, and I awkwardly hug Mr. Whi–Jasper too, even though it feels really weird.

They start walking away, and I call out, over the din of the returning waves and birds. "Will you call us when you get settled? We have to have a baby shower on the phone or something!"

"Maybe you could come out and visit us, you know, when school is over!" she yells back and rubs her still-flat tummy.

"Yeah, maybe," I call as Angela and I watch them walk around the corner and out of sight.

Deep down, I'm pretty sure we both know we just saw each other for the very last time.

PB Fun Fact #1: Love's Baby Soft was my go-to scent. I was one good-smelling seventh grader.

PB Not-So-Fun Fact #2: The friend I've mentioned often in my PBFF, Claire, was my childhood best friend since we were toddlers. I wrote a "book" in high school and she was the first person to read it. Every time she slept over, she'd pull it out and read her favorite parts. So, I guess, Claire was my very first reader and reviewer. In our twenties, we went our separate ways and I still think about her all the time. I've seen her once or twice since and we always reminisce and have a few laughs, but it's bittersweet. Friendships come and go, people grow and change, but she will forever have a place in my heart and memories. This story is for her.

Mucho love and thanks to the two women I will never let walk away from me, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM.