Wanderers from the Weird Side
(August 17, 2017)
13: Dream Boys Go Home
On Thursday morning, Wendy and Dipper got up extra early and did their run. Technically, they were due to run their nature trail—down the Mystery Trail to the end, then cut across a range of grassy hills as far as Moon Trap Pond, and then back the same way. However, without even speaking to each other about which way to go, they ran downtown instead, all the way to the gas station on the far edge of town, then back past the McGucket mansion, down the street in front of Greasy's, around the water tower, around Circle Park, and then back.
They'd measured the distances with pedometers, and the two routes were virtually the same length—4.3 miles for the nature trail, 4.4 for the town route—but the nature trail normally was the more pleasant. On the other hand, that led them right past the now barely visible path leading to the effigy clearing, and . . . until everything got resolved, they preferred not to pass that way.
If you run at the right speed, you're not able to converse in paragraphs. You should have just about enough wind to speak in sentences. That doesn't mean you can't talk about serious things, though. On the way in, Wendy asked, "How many in the courthouse?"
Dipper knew she meant how many at their wedding. "Let's see. Mom, Dad." Run a few steps. "Mabel. Grunkles and Graunties. You?"
"Dad, my brothers, Junior's fiancée."
"McGucket and Mayellen will want to come. Soos. Melody."
"Abuelita. That means the kids."
"May have to ask to use a courtroom!"
"Church service will be bigger."
"Worry about that before Christmas."
After a few more steps, Wendy said, "Think Soos and Melody are planning a reception."
"Yeah, I heard him . . . " pause for breath . . . "talking to Mr. Willet."
"Dip, I want to get away . . . as soon as we can."
"Agreed. Stan and Mabel . . . gonna drive my car over . . . come back in . . . the Stanleymobile."
"We'll take . . . the Green Machine."
And so on. What, you think couples in love just talk mushy stuff all the time?
Mabel, who normally grumped at Dipper if he happened to wake her up early, always forgave Tripper. So when he licked her face at six-fifteen, she just rolled out of bed, went downstairs, and let him out for his morning ablutions. As usual, he was prompt about attending to his business. Smart dog that he was, he'd learned to make his rank deposits in the big pile of needles beneath a pine tree which had lower boughs spreading out and so close to the ground that they practically formed a tent.
And Mabel was a good dog owner. She could have just left everything there—but sometimes Little Soos and Harmony played there, so she always took out a baggie and cleaned up after Tripper. He was so interested in the process that Mabel thought he must believe that his droppings were roughly as valuable as gold. The humans collected them so carefully, they must be hidden treasure.
Anyway, before seven that morning, Stanford called her, and five minutes after that, she opened the door for him. He was lugging a tricked-out VHS player. The base looked like a standard, though old, model, but atop it a golden cone rose, finned with six dinner-plate-sized discs, like a futuristic pagoda. "Thank you!" Stanford said as he came in through the gift-shop door. "Whew!" he set the contraption on a counter. "Fiddleford started this last night and then got up at four in the morning to finish it—"
"There's a four in the morning?" Mabel asked.
He looked at her blankly for a moment.
"It's a little joke," she told him. "What does it do?"
"If it functions correctly," Stanford said, "it will allow us to connect the, ah, launch pad to the realm of imagination created by all the viewers of Dream Boys High. That's a pocket of the Mindscape. There the boys will be back in their own setting. They can continue to exist there—"
"Will the movie just repeat and repeat forever?" Mabel asked.
"I think not. I believe they may perceive their lives as proceeding as anyone's life would—they'll grow up, go to college—"
"Or whatever."
"Yes, and that realm will seem to them every bit as real as our world is to us."
"What if our world is somebody else's movie?" Mabel asked.
"Well—theoretically it's possible," Stanford said. "However, if that were true, it would make no difference to us."
"That's all right, then," Mabel said. "When do you want to try this?"
"Whenever you're ready. Where would you say the boys might most likely be able to materialize? Where are your memories of them the strongest?"
"Attic. Grenda, Candy, and I played the Dream Boys High game up here a lot during our first summer. Also, I drew dozens of pictures of Xyler and Craz. That was kinda during my boy-crazy phase. Anyway, I think they'd feel closest to me up there."
"Then let's go there. You bring the videocassette."
At the door to the bedroom, Mabel said, "Better safe than embarrassed." She knocked on the door and called out, "You two busy in there? Dipper? OK to come in?"
"They're probably out running," Stanford said. "Ah—I don't want to pry, but does Wendy sleep—"
"Nah, she sleeps in her room. I'm pretty sure she and Dipper are waiting for the wedding night. Graunty Lorena says you and she didn't."
Mabel opened the door as Stanford nearly lost his grip on the VHS player. "Um—she, um—she told you?"
"I know you and she were all mature and everything when you two fell in love," Mabel said in a reassuring tone. "I don't think less of you for it. Besides, you did the right thing."
"Yes," Ford said. "Because two people in love should make a commitment—"
Mabel smiled at him. "Grunkle Ford, I'm sorry, but you're not exactly the one to give me the talk. No offense."
"I'll, um, go get the transfer device," Stanford said.
While he was doing that, Dipper and Wendy returned. Dipper, looking sweaty, came in and asked, "What's that?"
Mabel explained, simplifying Ford's account to clarify for Dipper.
Dipper looked at her for a minute. "Um . . . OK?"
He was in the shower when Ford moved the last of the equipment upstairs. "They're back," he told Mabel. "I saw Wendy downstairs. Do you mind if she comes up?"
"No, of course not," Mabel said. "Dip should be back in just a minute."
"Then I will set up the apparatus," Stanford said.
With the launch pad—as Mabel called it—on the floor, the computer and processing devices under the table, and the VHS on the table, everything connected to everything else by a web of cables, Stanford switched everything on and confirmed that all the equipment was powered. Dipper, clothed except for his shoes, came in, and a moment later, Wendy joined them. "Now what's going to happen?"
"They're going to try to materialize Xyler and Craz and put them back in the video, I guess?" Dipper said.
"Close enough," Stanford said. "All right. Mabel, I've set it up so the video will play on a television emulator on the computer monitor. I think what you need to do is find the moment when the two young characters appear together for the first time."
"Food fight scene!" Mabel said. "That's about seventeen minutes into the movie! I'll find it."
"If you could pause the scene when they're both on camera, that would be a help. Wendy, Dipper, you stand over there. I'm not sure how the subjects will manifest, or how material they may be. Give them some room here in the center."
Wendy took Dipper's hand. "We'll go sit on the bed with our backs against the wall. That'll give you more floor space."
"Excellent idea," Stanford said absently.
Mabel, with the video playing through the opening credits, said, "Told you they'd wind up in bed!"
"We're just sitting!" Dipper said.
Chill, Dip. It's just Mabel messin' with us.
—Yeah, but she's always doing this.
She'll stop if she doesn't get a rise out of you.
Mabel said, "OK, Grunkle Ford, will this do?"
The screen showed Xyler and Craz standing atop a lunchroom table, back to back, splattered with lunchroom food but looking triumphant.
"I think so," Ford said.
"This is the moment they bonded against Gruber the bully and became friends," Mabel explained.
"They look so noble," Wendy said.
"Yeah, they do," Mabel sighed.
—She doesn't always process sarcasm, Wen.
That's cool, dude. That's why she's always upbeat!
"Now—there's a catch, I'm afraid," Stanford said. "Mabel, can you put yourself into the Dreamscape the way Dipper does?"
"Um—I can try," Mabel said.
"Maybe I can get in touch with them," Dipper said.
"Try, then," Stanford said.
"I got an idea," Wendy said. "Let Dipper hold my hand. He'll go into the dream-thing, whatever, and I'll stay awake and can talk to Mabel, and I can communicate with Dip mentally, and maybe that way we can conjure the guys up."
"Worth a try!" Mabel said.
And so that was what they did—Dipper sank into the Mindscape and concentrated himself into the attic. The others vanished—except for Wendy. He still felt her hand in his, though he couldn't see her.
Dude, this always looks so weird. Why is the window the only thing that has any color?
—Don't know. Everything's usually black and white, but now and then something shows up in color. Maybe the window is yellow because it's connected to Bill Cipher?
Wait. Mabel says to call out that she wants Xyler and Craz to come and visit her.
—Hang on.
Dipper concentrated and felt something stirring. And then he felt something else. "Hiya!" Mabel said.
She floated nearby, wearing her old outfit—culotte skirt, pink sweater with sunrise appliqué, yellow hairband—though she was her current age. And her colors were vivid. "How'd you do that?" he asked her.
Seriously weird, Dip! I see her here, and I see her there in your head, too. She kind of went to sleep here.
"Hey, I heard her!" Mabel said. "Hi, Wendy! I used the same chant thing that we used when we went into Grunkle Stan's mind, Dip! This is very cool. Hey, Xyler! Hey, Craz! This is Mabel! Where you at, my dream guys?"
Mabes! They're out here in the waking world! Come back!
"Um, OK! But Broseph has to wake up for me to get out. Hey, Dip, you and Wendy still keeping your pact!"
—Mabel! OK, waking up now!
When Dipper came fully awake again, Mabel was laughing. "You couldn't help thinking the truth when I asked you that! Now I totally believe you, Dip! Really, I'm kinda proud of you two! Xyler! Craz! Hey, you guys ready to go back home to Dream Boys High for good?"
"Totally!" Xyler said.
"Far out!" said Craz.
"No telling what that grotty Gruber's been up to while we've been away!"
"Man, he is seriously heinous! We are so gonna kick that poser's unrighteous butt!"
"Can't wait, bro!"
"Gentlemen," Stanford said, "step this way."
The pad was large enough for only one of them at a time. They did rock-paper-scissors for it, and Craz's rock broke Xyler's scissors, so he stepped forward.
"All right," Stanford said. "The process is simple and painless. Do you remember this scene?" He pointed to the video still on the computer screen.
"Oh, that was awesome!" Craz said. "That was like our bonding moment!"
"You'll find yourself in that instant of your lives. For a little time you won't be able to move, but don't be alarmed. As soon as the other young man comes through, everything will be normal."
"So long, boys," Mabel said. "I'll see you in my dreams!"
"We'll always look for you, dream girl!" said Craz as he hugged Mabel.
"Visit us any time," Xyler said.
"When you're ready," Ford said.
"Here I go!" Craz stepped on the pad and Stanford energized it. For a moment Craz blurred, and then he was gone.
"Next," Stanford said.
Xyler hugged Mabel exactly the same way his buddy had, as though the hug were a repeated animation cycle. "Bye for now, girlfriendl!"
And Xyler was gone.
Ford started the video again. "Hey!" Mabel said.
Because she had watched the movie a hundred times, she knew exactly what happened next. Xyler and Craz turned to each other and did a joyous high-five before the scene cut to the principal's office.
But this time—
This time both boys turned toward the camera, gave a thumbs-up and winked, and then high-fived.
"Have a good life," Mabel whispered. And she wiped her eyes.
"Two down," Stanford said.
"Two to go," Dipper replied.