Chapter 24

"How deep is your love, how deep is your love?
I really need to learn 'cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me." – Bee Gees, "How Deep Is Your Love", topped the Billboard Hot 100 in December of 1977 and stayed in the Top 10 for a then-record 17 weeks in 1978

After Rosalie leaves, Renee and I sit there on the pillows just staring at the ceiling. I can hear Charlie in the kitchen slamming plates and throwing the long fondue forks around, doing his best to break whatever he's intending to put in the sink.

Next to me, Renee's sniffling and sipping her drink and I can't even imagine how drained she feels. If it's anything like how I do, she's gotta feel like she's been hit by a truck.

Adult films. My lord.

Part of me is appalled that she'd want to have sex with total strangers for total strangers. To do intimate things with some sweaty guy you don't know, that's probably had sex with a bunch of other people maybe not five minutes before you–for all the world to see–is something I can barely comprehend. To choose a sex-trade business as your future is as questionable as deciding to become the best junkie you can. These occupations don't have shiny degrees to frame and hang on your wall.

But the other part of me, the one that has love for my sister, well… I want her to be happy. It's not a situation or a path in life I'd choose, but like Renee said, I'm not going to stop being her sister and shut her out because of her choices. As long as she's not doing something that hurts me or those I love directly, all I can do is remain by her side and hope she takes care of herself.

It's a mind-blowing position to be in and a devastating inner turmoil to reconcile.

I try to envision what a future with Rosalie would be like. It could've been a 'let's get together for the afternoon and let the kids run around while we drink wine in our beautiful Malibu homes' sort of thing.

But now I just don't know how this future might go. I don't ever see us meeting up for steaks and martinis to talk about how our jobs are going.

Sighing, I lift myself up from the floor feeling as old as Abe Vigoda looks. "I'm gonna go up to bed. Are you okay?"

Renee opens her eyes and smiles sadly. "It's all going to be okay," she says and closes them again.

I leave her like that and go into the kitchen cautiously. Charlie has calmed down a bit, and he's moving stuff from the dining room table to the kitchen counters. I lend a hand, and together, we clean up most of the fondue stuff and he says we'll take care of the rest in the morning. Rosalie's present is still on the table, so I grab it and turn to Charlie, hugging him harder than normal.

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm sure it's going to be okay," I repeat Renee's words and look up at him.

"Promise me you're not going to do anything like this. I can barely stomach Rosalie's decision, but if it were you, it would kill me."

"Don't worry, Pops. The only camera I'll have sex in front of is Edward's." I smile and wink, hoping to make him laugh, but he just makes a choking sound, so I kiss him on the cheek and go to my room.

Sitting on the bed, I finger the pink bow on the gift but cast it aside and reach for my phone.

"Hey, beautiful," Edward answers on the first ring.

"Hey." You adorable, pin-up worthy hunk of a man.

"Are you alright? Everything… alright?"

"Yeah, I mean, I think it will be. I… I'll tell you tomorrow, if that's okay? I'm exhausted."

"Of course. Unless you want me to come over and climb through your window. You know I would."

The image of Edward Cullen climbing through my window is as butterflies-in-the-stomach inducing as the thought of David Lee Roth serenading me. "As much as I would love that, I don't want you to die just yet."

"Thoughtful."

"Selfish, really."

"I'll see you tomorrow then? We can have a birthday do-over. Birthday, the sequel."

"I want nothing more."

"It's a date." Him saying that still makes me swoon. "I'll pick you up early and we'll make a whole day of it."

We hang up and I pick up Rosalie's present. Opening the paper, I turn the metal frame over and stare at the picture she's put in it.

It's from the beginning of summer. She has her arm around my neck and we're laughing, riding the new Colossus at Magic Mountain while she holds onto her pink baseball hat threatening to fly off her head. I continue looking at it as I lie back onto my pillows.

I remember that day so vividly, and I can't help but wonder if she'd already decided her path in life.

I'll probably never know.

True to his word, Edward knocks on the screen door bright and early. Charlie and I are having coffee in the kitchen, but Renee is still in bed. I get the feeling she didn't go up too long ago, the bottle of gin is empty on the ottoman. Can't say I blame her.

Edward accepts Charlie's offer for a cup, and we sip and chat, and I can tell that he's dying to know what happened, but is respecting the small talk that Charlie is engaging him in. He holds my hand on the table, his thumb stroking my skin, and my soul feels lighter.

"So what are you kids going to do today?" Charlie picks at the toast I made him.

"Well, it's all about Bella today, so whatever she wants. But I have a thing or two planned if she's willing."

"Oh, I'm willing." I smile cheesy at him, waggling my eyebrows while Charlie groans and Edward leans his head back and sighs. I'm glad I haven't lost my affect on him.

"The only thing I really want to do is go to Mac's and see my friends." And hold your hand in public, and smooch you in public, and show everyone there you're mine.

"Done and done."

We leave after a short debate as to whose car to take. Edward wins because he insists he should chauffeur me around in style since it's my birthday part deux, and we take off in the Jeep.

Edward lets me choose the music, so just because I can, I put on the disco station and sing loudly to Donna Summer. The breeze whips my hair into a frenzy, and combined with the peppy music and my off-key wailing, I feel high and carefree after so many weeks of too much heaviness. I feel like an eighteen-year-old experiencing her first true love again. Looking over at my boyfriend who is way too cool behind his Ray Bans, my stomach tightens.

It hits me like a ton of bricks, just how important the fact is he's chosen me and loves me. Of all the people he could have, he wants me. I don't ever want this feeling to end between us. I don't ever want to look at Edward and be bored or disgusted or fed up. I don't ever want to feel less and less for him everyday until there's nothing there. I want to wake up every morning of my life and feel the same excitement seeing him gives me now.

I want to be in love with him forever.

Our first stop on what Edward has declared 'Bella's National Holiday' is the Santa Monica Pier, one of our favorite places. We hold hands as we walk, go on a few rides, and make out on the ferris wheel when it stops at the top. It feels so good to laugh and just be. Even recounting last night's events and Rosalie's plans doesn't feel so horrible when I'm with him.

However, the excursion creeps towards the dark side when he pulls me over to the falafel stand and I make exaggerated gagging sounds. "You're not serious?" I ask when he orders two.

Grinning, he hands one to me and leads me to the bench we first sat at. "Sure. For old times' sake. You don't have to eat it."

"That's a present in and of itself."

"Speaking of…" he trails off and reaches into his pocket and hands me something wrapped in tissue paper. It's a plastic keychain, the kind you can put a picture in. I turn it over expecting a picture of us or something.

"Robby Benson?" There he is, all dimply and smiling, his full head of dark hair and mysterious eyes staring back at me.

"You mentioned you thought he was cute when we were here. I still disagree, but it's your birthday."

"I love it!" Grinning, I palm it tightly and give him a kiss as thanks. "Now my car keys will ride in style."

We sit awhile on 'our' bench cuddling and giggling, making others in the vicinity sick, I'm sure, but I couldn't care less. I can't imagine a better way to spend a birthday.

Edward eventually takes the uneaten falafels and hands them to a homeless-looking hippie that migrated from Haight-Ashbury years ago. "Ready for a real lunch?"

"You're really going to subject yourself to this again? Wasn't the first time watching me do this embarrassing enough?" I'm staring at the sushi restaurant he took me months ago.

"You did fine, and you liked it, if I recall. Besides, I'm really jonesing for it." He gives me the puppy eyes and there's no way I can say no to that even though it's supposed to be my day and I'd have chosen Pizza Hut or Jack in the Box.

"Okay, but I'm gonna order a beer because I can."

"They have a great Japanese beer."

"What's wrong with my friend Bud?"

He just laughs and puts his arm around me until we get to the entrance, where he gallantly holds the door open and lets me walk through, his hand never leaving the small of my back. The same waitress as last time greets us, and as luck would have it, the same booth is open. This time, Edward slides in next to me and we hold hands and whisper to each other while he feeds me sushi with his chopsticks like a gross couple that doesn't realize they aren't alone in the world. But everyone can suck it.

Happily full of fish that was just murdered not minutes ago, Edward pulls out a blue-wrapped box from the other seat. He puts it on the table in front of me and waits.

"Where'd you get that?"

"From the seat across from us."

"Duh. I mean, is it for me?"

"Duh." He smirks and I elbow him in the gut.

"I didn't see you bring in anything."

"Nope, you didn't. Open it."

"The awesome keychain was good enough." Confused, but smiling all the same, I unwrap the long, rectangular box to find… a white, bunched up wrapper.

"Um, thanks? I don't think I own one of these."

"I'm offended you don't know what it is."

"You are?" I start to panic, and try to straighten it out on the table with my fingers. I see red lettering on the side of it. "Aki," I say, perplexed. "That's the name of this place."

"It is." He shifts around and he's got a sheepish smile on his face. "That's your chopstick wrapper from the first time we were here. I… uh… kind of swiped it when we left."

My eyes bug out. "You did?" My heart bubbles with the idea that he's a teenage girl at heart.

"Yes." He laughs. "Silly, I know, but I did. I guess I wanted a memento of that day."

"That is adorable. And I'm really happy you didn't swipe my used chopsticks. That would've been weird."

"And gross."

"That too." I lean in and give him a big kiss. "I love both my presents."

"Good. Let's see what the rest of the day might bring."

The day brings us to Zuma. It's less crowded during the week, but there are still a fair amount of people here. I see my new co-worker behind the counter at the Dog and wave, a bit of sorrow in it that it's not Alice, whom I haven't heard from since she left. I shake my head at my thoughts and wait as Edward goes into the surf shop.

He returns a few minutes later, changed into his trunks and holding two surfboards. "Care for a ride?" He grins, and holds out the same blue board to me that I used last time.

My heart jumps at the thought of surfing with Edward like we did before, bobbing on the water and getting dangerously close. This time, though, I won't have to pull my hand away from his.

"Let's go!" I pull off my shirt and shorts and start running to the ocean, Edward hot on my heels.

"You're not going to demand you carry it yourself?" he yells over the roaring waves.

"Nope! It's my birthday, which means no manual labor for me, servant-boy."

"I see."

Once we reach the water, we quickly scramble onto our boards and catch a few waves. The water is chillier now that summer is ending, but being so close to Edward and having it not be a secret I'm in love with him keeps me warm, as do his hands.

He pulls me onto his board so that we're straddling it together, him tucked close behind me. We're bobbing and resting, our wet bodies stuck together as we watch the sun lower.

It's earlier in the day when the sun starts setting than it was last time, which makes me a bit melancholy and reflective.

"School's starting for you next week," I say and lean my head back against his shoulder so his head frames mine as the water splashes against our legs.

"It is. But I hope you're not worried about us getting time together."

"Not really. I guess I have to get serious about what to major in, though," I sigh, adulthood staring me in the face.

"You'll figure it out."

"Maybe I'll just study typing and stuff, be your assistant. Answer all your fan mail."

He laughs against my ear. "Cinematographers don't get fan mail."

"You will. Just wait and see. The best is yet to come."

"I don't know, this summer will be hard to beat." He squeezes me around the stomach, his fingers playing dangerously with the waist of my bikini bottom while he kisses my neck.

"You have no idea." My eyes close and my skin gets goosebumps.

"Swansong," he says softly in my ear, "you have no idea how fantastic this summer has been for me." He kisses my neck again, and his lips move against my skin. "I got the girl."

With that toe-curling statement, his fingers finally land where they've been teasing. I suck in a breath as he explores me gently while we float on the water. "I hope this is okay, I've been dying to do this."

"I've been dying to let you," I gasp as one finger slips into me. He's soft but demanding, and I clutch the biceps holding me so I don't float away on a cloud of 'holy shit Edward Cullen is fingering me'.

"You are so fucking beautiful." His throat rasps and his tongue flicks my ear. I can't respond, but I hope that my fingers digging into his arms and the way my lower half is gyrating tells him that I appreciate the compliment.

In the back of my mind, I'm hoping Edward has us out of sight of anyone nearby when I orgasm, all the sun in California bursting behind my eyelids and making me stupid.

"Wow," I say, when I'm finally able to speak.

I can hear the smugness in his voice. "Glad you liked it."

"What about you?" I question and try to turn to look at him, but he holds me tight.

"This was my present, don't you worry." He kisses the side of my head, and even though I can feel just how much of a present he'd really like against my back, I sigh contentedly and enjoy my moment.

We ride the rippling water a little in silence, until I start laughing.

"What's so funny?" He lightly tickles my side and if it were anyone else doing that, they'd get a nice throat punch.

"Edward Cullen just fingered me."

"How eloquent."

"There's no better way to put it. You have no clue how much I've thought of exactly that happening."

"You have, huh?"

"So much so that I could major in Edward Cullen fantasies. I'm an expert."

"We'll have to explore that together."

"Deal."

When we move back to the sand, the crowd has thinned and Edward fetches us a couple of towels and his blanket from the Jeep. The boards are perched up in the sand next to us, making a picture worthy of a bad teen romance cover.

The seagulls fly overhead looking for late-day snacks as the ocean ebbs and rolls in front of us. Edward's legs are tangled with mine as I hold onto his arm and sigh, resting my head against his shoulder. "Today was perfect. Thank you."

"You're perfect."

"And you're cheesy. But I like it."

He turns and pulls a small box wrapped in gold paper from under the blanket. "Another present?" My eyes light up, wondering what in the world it could be this time.

"You deserve all the presents."

"You're right, I do." I take it from him and pull the bow apart, before slowly tearing into the paper. Inside is a white box with a hinge, like the kind jewelry is in. Opening it, I laugh. "My purple hair tie. I've been wondering what happened to it."

"Yeah. I stole it that day we went surfing. Snatched it right out of your discarded shorts pocket."

"Should I be worried? Lock up my stuff from now on?" I smile, secretly happy he's got such a fondness for my stuff.

He scratches his fingernails against my leg lightly. "That day was sort of a turning point for me. I couldn't tell you, but it was the day that put things in motion for me, made it clear what I wanted, which was you. It was agony barely touching you that day."

I recall the moment he's thinking of, when our hands met while he pulled me towards him on our boards and I quickly let go. "It was for me, too. But also one of the best days of my life."

"As you said earlier, the best is yet to come."

"Date's over already?" I wrinkle my nose when Edward pulls up in front of my house. "I thought we were going to Mac's."

"We are, but I thought you'd like to change." I look down at my ocean-soaked clothes.

"You are very thoughtful. But what about you?" He nods his head towards the back. "I knew what we were doing today, I was prepared." He smiles and grabs a grocery bag with what I assume are clothes in it.

I call out for Renee and Charlie, but since their car wasn't in the driveway, I know it's futile. I wonder where they've gone off to. Dinner? Therapy? Changed their minds about Rosalie and went to kill Emmett?

"They're at my house, I believe."

"Ah. Okay, well… I'm gonna go change…" I thumb towards my bedroom, and Edward laughs.

"Go ahead, I'll use the bathroom."

My heart sinks a little. "Oh. Okay. Thought we could get naked together, but whatever." He just laughs as I trudge down the hallway, hoping he'll change his mind before I get to my room.

Pulling my presents from my bag, I line them up in order on the shelf of my hutch preserved for only the most special things. My favorite Judy Blume book. My Shaun Cassidy pencil cup. My pink-haired Troll doll. My pet rock, Lucy.

His gifts were weird and unexpected, but perfect. As perfect as him.

"Edward?" I call out when I see he's not in the living room.

"Out here."

I follow his voice through the sliders to the patio, where he's got candles lit and two glasses of champagne waiting.

"Oh my god, you're not going to propose, are you?" I'm half-scared and half-ready to say yes.

"You're crazy. Just sit down." He holds out the chair for me and hands me a glass. "We are toasting your birthday, officially. With fancy booze."

"I'll toast to that!" We sip and I feel so grown up using Renee's champagne coupes she got as a wedding gift. I down mine in just a few sips, and Edward pours me more.

"So, one last thing." He pushes a small, red box towards me graced with a glittery silver bow. "This is your official birthday gift."

"I've loved them all!" I can't imagine what this could be, after his charmingly off-kilter gift giving skills.

Inside the wrapping is a hinged box much like the one from Zuma. "I know what this is. You stole some of my hair from the brush in the bathroom."

"I'm not a creepy stalker. Just open it."

"I would date you if you were a creepy stalker, just sayin'." I open the box with one eye closed, and inside is a beautiful gold locket on a chain.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful." I take the heart from the box and hold it carefully. He reaches over and opens the clasp, revealing the picture of us Charlie took the night of his premiere.

"All day, I've been showing you just how long and how much you've been on my mind." He grabs my hand and twines his fingers through mine. "The pier, where we had our first real conversation. You revealed stuff to me about your mom and it made me feel so good that we could have a personal connection like that. Some of it was about Robby Benson, sure, but it made me think that maybe we could have something between us."

His other hand lands on my knee. "The sushi restaurant. I swiped the chopstick wrapper because you couldn't stop playing with it. I'd hoped at the time you were as nervous as I was, because maybe you had feelings for me, too."

He smiles and looks down at his feet. "Our day at the beach. I couldn't put sand you stepped on in my pocket and I saw the hair tie. Kind of stalkerish I guess. I wore it on my wrist like a psycho."

"I don't mind. Creepy stalker dater, here, remember?" Inside, I'm giddy, knowing that the hair tie is the equivalent of a girl stealing her boyfriend's varsity shirt to wear to bed.

"This whole day I've been showing you the places where I was crazy about you, all summer long." He kisses me lightly before pressing his forehead to mine. "But this patio is special."

"It is?"

He looks up at me then, his eyes dark and serious, matching the expression on his face and the tightening of his hand holding mine. "More than any of the other places."

I swallow, waiting for the rest.

"This patio is the first place we ever met."

"It is," I agree.

"Which makes it the first place you stole my heart."

His hands move to my neck, and his eyes bore into mine. "I love you, Swansong. More than you could ever possibly understand, and I intend to do so for a very long time."

"Wow," I say, unable to form any other words.

A first for me.

PB Fun Fact #1: My family always goes for Hibachi on Christmas Eve, and we always order the huge Sapporo beers. It's the only time of the year I drink one even though I like it a lot.

PB Fun Fact #2: My birthday is my favorite day of the year (kind of selfish, I know) and I always declare it Aimee's National Holiday. I'm sure everyone gets annoyed.

Huge mucho love and thanks to the two girls I'd steal momentos from our time together and keep in a creepy box under my bed, LayAtHomeMom and CarrieZM!
(And a second, much deserved thank you for pulling this chap off so quickly)