C.3 - Closed Eyes
Rey helped him into the full sized bed in his newly given quarters. He'd made an argument for her to help him to the sofa in the lounge instead but she adamantly refused, stating she knew just how sore these awkwardly shaped sofas made anybody feel sitting on them longer than half an hour.
So Ben listened, taking a seat on the side of his bed and slowly leaning in towards the headboard, positioning up against it in a nearly seated position.
Rey paced back to the door and kicked off her boots, not bothering to sit them against the wall uniformly like he had with his boots. He was intrigued with her way of life. Raised herself on a desolate planet, choosing to live outside, a true nonconformist. It felt so opposite to his situation growing up. Always under somebody elses wing and taken care of in wealth. He wondered if she would allow herself down time, to be taken care of, doted on. Not that he was any good at it, that he knew of, he'd never focused on somebody's needs over his own ever.
"I'll order some basic fridge stocking?" She asked like it was a run of the mill question, as if they were an ordinary couple needing to restock their pantry from the local grocer. Ben found comfort in the fact that she brought some aspect of a normal life to him, watching fondly as she pulled her side bag over her head to leave on the kitchen island. Yet they hadn't even discussed what the future held for them, was her intent to just order food for him in this apartment of his? Or to order them food for their shared space? His stomach curled queasily at the thought of the former. He thought to himself drearily how done he was with the isolated life and sharing a space with her would be preferred.
"I think I could manage that." Ben started from across the room, feeling himself sink into the bed as comfort gripped him completely, a feeling he long since thought was lost.
"We can do it together?" Rhetorical question he figured because she already clasped the kitchen datapad in her hands and treaded toward him with intentions to get started. With almost pathetic excitedness he hoped she'd sit near him on the bed, he didn't even need her to be physically touching him for him to be happy but after feeling what it was like to be in close proximity to her he'd like to experience more of that.
Rey made her way onto the opposite side of the large bed at first, ample room for her to choose anywhere to place herself, but on hands and knees she crawled toward him, only stopping once she was cross legged beside him.
Not even half a week ago they had been clashing sabers in a dramatic battle, rain soaked and freezing, battle torn, at least he was. Now she sat inches away from him, content face, lax features, calmly scanning over the pad with her index finger lazily swiping to the ordering section.
"Relax." She broke him from his daze, offering up her eyes over the pad to his own startled ones. "Why are you thinking like that."
Ben mentally cursed himself, forgetting for a bit there just how strong their bond really was. He'd have to be more vigilant with how freely he felt his own emotions he wanted to mask. "I'm just wondering how long this will last."
"What's this?" She questioned, lowering her arms to rest on her crossed legs, raising an eyebrow at the surprise question.
"You and I. Before you realize being tied down to me long term doesn't sound all that fun. Having your friends second guess your decisions, silently judging you for associating with me."
Rey scoffed with an eyeroll to match. "I can handle naysayers Ben. You should trust my word, not some falsities that may or may not happen, and won't happen."
"Is that so?"
"Besides, as much as I love my friends... I still feel lonely most of the time." Her stern eyes softened as she looked down on his figure against the headboard. "Maybe it's from the years of being a hermit but it's been hard for me to fully integrate with them. I tried so hard to get away from my life on Jakku but now it's what I miss the most."
He lifted his wrist and placed his bruised hand on her shin, feeling the warmth under his thumb as he smoothed it over her skin, similar to the circles she traced on him in the hospital wing. It made him feel better so he hoped it carried the same weight to her, at least until he knew for certain what triggered her comfort levels.
"I miss my childhood from time to time, despite having resented and repressed those memories for so long." He admitted freely. Oddly enough he felt a weight release, he hid that secret for so long, under the sense that missing anything from his previous life would lead Snoke to end him on the spot. "Not all of it, but there were some good memories.."
She smiled, small creases indenting in the outer corners of her eyes and her smile lines poked through. "Like what?" She snuck her hand over his and dug her fingers delicately between his thumb and index finger to touch his palm.
For someone who had next to no physical contact with people for most of her life she really knew how to show affection Ben figured happily. "Hoth, one of the very few places we went as a family."
"Hoth..." Rey drew with an inquisitive eyebrow raise. "The snowy planet? And of course the rebel base?"
"Just snow and ice, it wasn't particularly riveting for a kid. It had sentimental value to them, so we went for a few days."
"I've never seen snow!" Rey exclaimed with a grin from ear to ear. "What do you mean not fun for a kid, playing in the snow wasn't your thing?"
Ben shrugged with a small sheepish smile. "First thing Han did when we landed was throwing me into a snow pile, so I decided to be in a bad mood and not partake in the snow."
"Awwww." She laughed heartily. "I can picture that scene perfectly."
"I'll take you one day, when I'm healed."
She beamed, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Really?" She scooted closer eagerly. "Will you let me force heal you so that can happen sooner?"
Ben chuckled but as soon as he did he winced, using his free right hand to instinctively reach for his injured chest. "Not a chance." He breathed out with a furrowed brow, focusing on getting this pain to die down.
"Sorry." She chuckled herself, giving his hand still on her a gentle squeeze. "This will be a no laugh zone from now on until those ribs of yours are healed up."
Rey uncrossed her legs and carefully maneuvered away from his position, his hand falling to the blanket below and disappointment draped his face. "Oh relax." She chimed. Instead of crawling off the bed she curled her legs under her body, watchfully lowering herself down beside him to lean against the headboard, her front flush against the left side of his body. She nuzzled her chin to rest on his shoulder.
"So you'll take me to Hoth?" She reiterated happily, snaking her arm over his torso to feel like she was holding him closer. She thought to herself how nice this felt, how she'd missed out all these years on holding someone and being held, physical touch, passion, love.
But she wouldn't have wanted it with anyone else, a memory flashed in her eyes, a man back at Jakku asked for a date, a passing junker. She vehemently denied, though she felt flattered, she knew it wasn't the right timing to get into anything. Everything led up to these perfect moments she indulged in now.
"Hoth... anywhere you want." He smiled and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the top of hers comfortably.
"Anywhere?" She teased playfully. "Don't give me that power, I'll have us visiting planets for well into the future." She felt him smile against her head. "I'd like to explore. Broaden my horizons."
"Alone?" It escaped his lips, the dreaded question. She could say all she wanted she would be against 'Ben Solo naysayers' but what did she really want? He needed to know now - but he figured it didn't matter, he was too deep in the pit to crawl out this time. "If you miss life on Jakku does that include the solitude?"
"No." She stated simply. "I think I've moved passed that stage in my life now." She thought back to the Aki-Aki younglings on Pasaana as they giggled happily watching their puppet show. More and more she found herself becoming enamored with children and babies, her heart bubbling over with some innate primal want for the same thing. On Jakku when she witnessed traders with bored and sun burnt children in tow she almost felt... guiltily, she admitted to herself, anger that her own parents abandoned her. She wasn't keen on children because it reminded her of her own stunted youth. A lot of things had changed over the year she spent 'abroad'.
She continued, pulling her fingers to his side careful not to squeeze him too tight. "When you're healed, and we feel like business here is taken care of we can leave. Explore, do things on our schedule. Just us. No strings anywhere until need be."
Ben breathed happily. "I like the sound of that."
They lay for a while longer before Rey breathed heavily and struggled with pulling the tablet out from under her thigh. "Let's order some groceries."
The light from the device caused them both to shy away from the screen for a moment after they nearly dozed off in bed but Rey was the first to come back, pulling up the order screen where she last left it. "What do you eat? I don't even know."
Ben faltered for a moment as he pulled at memories of the last time he actually sat down for a meal. "Meat, fruits, vegetables, proteins.." He shrugged. "I've been living off nutrient stims while busy this past while."
"Nutrient stims sounds better than what I lived off of for most of my life." She snickered. "Rations that consisted of polystarch, mixed with water it would make a loaf. Then a slice of veg-meat thrown on a skillet to go with it."
"Sounds disgusting." He commented, but the mental image of Rey making a chemical reaction loaf and a slice of probable sickly old meat out in the desert made him want to smile. He thought to himself inwardly if she made him that meal he'd most likely try it, just to please her.
Rey flicked down the food list and added plenty of produce to the cart, meal bases, snacks, the complete works. She finished her total and up came the message saying a droid would be by soon enough with the items. It was nice not having to work for her meal, Rey thought, but she missed the independence. They'd be off this planet soon enough and that gave her enough encouragement to keep going.
After nearly dozing off again in a blissful cuddle thr alarm shrieked at the door, an impatient finger on the apartment screen on the other side, sounding a blaring ring into the air.
"Ah, that must be the food!" Rey jumped out of Ben's arms at the initial sound, eyes the size of dinner plates, small smudges of sleepy eye goop blinked away as she regained composure. "I'll grab it."
She crawled off the bed and Ben straightened up against the headboard, eyes focusing on the door. He wasn't normally one for paranoid delusions but he found himself being subconsciously on guard far more than he ever was before. He imagined who was behind the door - of course it could be the delivery bot with their groceries, but it could be an assassin droid sent by angered Resistance troops still thirsting for his death. He pressed his lips into a nervous thin line as she drew closer to the door, his hand ready to inflict any force ability on an intruder if need be.
Rey waved her hand in front of their side of the door panel and it hissed open, swirling and allowing the bright light from the hallway into the dimmed quarters.
"Poe." Rey smiled with surprise and raised brows. "What brings you here?"
Ben felt slightly less tense than he was imagining some assassin bursting through and hurting Rey but he wasn't out of the clear, immediately their eyes met and he knew he was in for a talking to.
"Thought I'd stop by." Poe voiced nonchalantly with a small shrug, peering over Rey's shoulder to lock eyes with his former enemy. "General duties and all."
"Thank you again for the quarters, they were definitely needed."
Poe nodded with appreciation to her words. "Yeah no problem." He peered back to Ben for a moment before glancing back to her. "Mind if I come in?"
Rey peered to Ben for permission, shooting him a warm please? smile at him so they could avoid any unnecessary drama.
Ben inwardly sighed. He knew this was coming he just hoped he could be just a bit more composed before he got verbally railed. "By all means."
"Thanks." Poe spoke and entered when Rey stepped aside to allow him admission. Rey kicked her boots behind her and out of the way with the soles of her socked feet in hopes he wouldn't trip over them, they tumbled over Bens boots by the wall.
"I see you're making yourself at home?" He questioned with a raised brow and a smirk, noticing her lazy boots and packsack tossed onto the counter.
She shrugged. "Air conditioning is actually pretty nice."
"No kiddin'." Poe grimaced and punched his balled hand into his awaiting palm to bide time before he had to get down to business. He paced slowly into the centre of the room, still awkwardly tip-toeing around the subject he tossed around in his mind.
Finally he gazed upon Ben sitting upright in the bed, their brown eyes staring intently into each other's, and Rey watched from her position beside Poe with a squinted glare. Some sort of weird alpha male assertion, she thought? Whatever it was it was annoying. She crossed her arms over her chest and meandered to the edge of the bed and took a seat.
"Ack, get on with it." She begged with half lidded eyes and the beginning of a scowl. While Ben was still unconscious in the hospital and Rey vouched unconditionally for his protected stay, Poe took her word for Ben's seemingly sudden switch around.
What Rey didn't know, was that Finn had also corroborated her statement of Ben's turn to the good side. So Poe knew he wasn't here to conduct some anti first order raid, but rather check in and see for himself what Rey had been up to these past few days.
"How are you feeling?" He inquired curiously, raising a gentle brow in Bens direction. "Last time I saw Rey you'd crashed and she raced out of the cafeteria."
"Better than when I stumbled in." Ben replied coolly, keeping his sharp eyes trained on the guest in the home. He knew Poe wasn't bringing harm to Rey - and probably not him, but he couldn't shake the urgent feeling of flight. The last time he'd confronted Poe was not a friendly situation.
Poe let out a small dry chuckle. "You were pretty rough." Poe flicked his eyes to Rey, she looked up at him intently, almost waiting for a sarcastic side comment. Well she wasn't going to get one, today at least, he was going to respect her wishes and be lenient on him. "I just wanted to touch base with you two, see how things were."
"He's still got a fair bit of healing to do." Rey breathed in relief with a warm smile, cocking her head to the side to eye Ben lovingly. "Maybe in a few weeks he'll be somewhat back to normal." She glanced back to Poe. "Other than that nothing's too different. How're the parties?"
"Eh." Poe shrugged. "Neverending but definitely fun. Kind of surprised you haven't shown your face, you're kind of the heart of the party." He looked at Ben. "You I'm not so surprised about."
Rey laughed. "We definitely strike everyone as social butterflies don't we?"
"Yes. Yes you do." Poe played along with a grimace. "Anyways, real reason I came here, actually."
That sentence wiped the smile off Rey's face and replaced it with a worried downturn of her lips. "Something the matter?"
"No! No." Poe showed his hands defensively to the implicating words, a snide smile surfacing as he realized maybe he caused the innate fear in her. "You both know I had to think about what had to be done, with you specifically." He gazed at Ben and returned his hands to his side, tucking his right thumb into his black cargo jean pocket.
Ben figured this was coming. Arrested, detained for interrogation as a way of getting back to him? He straightened up in bed with the expectation arising in him that he would be detained, for what he'd done he deserved at least that.
"Lotta people are calling for your head, lots. We don't operate like that, not without a fair trial. However..."
Rey perked up at the last word.
"However. Your darling Rey here has profusely backed you up since the second you were laid in that hospital bed. Finn said the same thing, and I trust those two more than anyone."
Ben attempted to raise a brow but he just couldn't find the energy.
"Rey told us you saved her from death, if that doesn't say expunge my record I don't know what does... So Finn and I as acting Generals decided to do that. It's what Leia would have wanted, anyways."
Ben could feel his features soften and the adrenaline that coursed his veins dilute. Relief flooded over him, relief from an anxiety he hadn't even focused on yet. He thought for certain he'd face some penalty, jail time despite his promise to take Rey around the galaxy, a promise he thought would be broken.
"Just one thing, pretty much everyone here hates you and I don't know who spilled the beans that you are who you are, so maybe no frolicking around the base, you two? Once he's healed, it'd be best if he vacated, for his own safety. Once our troops and allies disperse back to their home planets I'm sure things here will be fine if you want to stay-"
"Poe thank you!" Rey leapt from the bed and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. "You have no idea how much that means to me."
Poe laughed desperately, almost an attempt for air as her squeeze grew around his airway. "Of course, Rey-" He laughed again for air before she leaned off her tip toes and stared at him with the widest smile imaginable, hands on her hips, absolutely beaming.
Ben managed to his feet and despite the pain that shot through his body, particularly his ribcage, he didn't allow it to surface on his face. He extended his right hand between the two, after all he couldn't accept a total obliteration of a record without a thank you. Though he inwardly smiled to himself - he didn't have a great track record with people accepting his hand shakes.
"Thank you." Ben voiced without waver, strong, to convey he meant his words. He stood tall against Poe, towering over both him and Rey despite the immense aching pressure against his ribs. "Like Rey said, it's immensely appreciated."
Poe took his hand and shook it powerfully, their eyes meeting, both slightly squinting, assessing the other. Seconds later they let go, their hands faling back to their respective sides. Poe gave him a nod before giving Rey a friendly hug goodbye and waving himself out the door.
"Well that went much better than I imagined." Rey scratched at her head with a sheepish smile. "He'd promised no hostility toward you to me earlier but he was almost downright ... nice to you."
Ben nodded in agreeance, easing himself back down to the bed with the aid of her sturdy arm. "His benevolence speaks volumes of his character, especially toward me."
Rey assisted him back to leaning against the metal headboard, pulling the pillows behind him to provide adequate support. "Poe's a great guy. He's quite prickly sometimes, but I suppose you both are alike in that regard."
Ben smiled, from both her comment and the cute way she proded the environment around him to establish security. "You think I'm prickly?"
Rey grimaced. "The prickliest."
The groceries had arrived and Ben watched helpessly from the bed as she paced the kitchenette back and forth. He felt a pang of guilt he was unable to assist but he soon forgot about his predicament and fell into the show before him. Watching her extend her slender arms to reach the empty fruit bowl in an above cabinet, the way she mindlessly organized the fruits in the bowl to her liking. She popped a small fruit into her mouth with her index finger thoughtlessly, he was completely enamored with her.
He swore in this very moment he was the luckiest man alive. A smile surfaced on his lips. He would never take this for granted again.
The rest of the day, what was left of it, was spent with Rey cooking up a simple egg meal for the two of them on a pan in the kitchen. They ate and talked about nothing in particular as if they led completely normal lives before this day.
Ben finally was able to shower after profusely telling her he'd be able to stand in the shower for five minutes. The steaming water coated him and all he could do was sigh with relief. He'd been washed in the hospital but since he lacked consciousness to actually feel bathed, this shower was very much needed.
It was time to rest. He smiled when he exited the restroom to find she'd peeled back the blankets of the bed for him already. She sat at the island in the kitchen with her small hands wrapped around a mug, steam rising off the surface and warming her face.
It was late now, so he figured this would be the last time he'd leave the bed. He made his way over and sat on the sheeted mattress with an exhale. Whatever the hospital had injected him earlier on in the morning had began wearing off a few hours ago, and his chest began to ache and throb with ripe new pain.
"Shower leave you feeling nice?" She questioned from across the room, loudly sipping from the lip of the mug, curling her toes around the black rod holding the stool legs together. She was blissfully unaware that his injuries were beginning to seep back.
He nodded. "Much better." He thought it preferable to keep her in the dark about the wave of physical pain, who knew what she'd decide to do about it. "Where are you sleeping tonight?"
He knew where he'd like her to sleep, but his likes and her wants and needs could be very different. Besides, he wondered to himself if she really did favour the outdoors over a protective indoor suite. He felt inclined to let her sleep elsewhere tonight, he feared this may be a rough night full of restlessness as most nights often were lately, but moreso because of his pounding ribs. Ben didn't want to subject her to that. He cocked his head upwards and to the right to stare at her until she answered.
"These past few nights I've been by your side in the hospital.." Her fingers nervously burnished the smooth ceramic mug. "Even last night after your doctor assured me you'd make it through the night I was too scared. Maybe if you don't mind, I'd like to stay. Make sure I'm here if you need something."
A small warm smile surfaced on his lips. Was this a dream? He really couldn't shake the lingering feeling he perished during battle and out of pity he was allowed through the force to exist on some ethereal plane of happy existance.
She finished her drink and washed the mug as he begrudgingly pushed his limits to lean into an almost laying position in the bed under the thin covers. He wasn't sure where she was going to choose to sleep for the night in the room- again, he knew what he preferred but he couldn't fault her for having boundaries. He made sure to lay in the bed and leave the ball in her court.
Ben exhaled deeply as he finally got comfortable with the ceiling staring down on him from way up there. Rey paced past the bed to the restroom, he watched her enter and close the door behind her without noticing his set of eyes. He reset his head facing upwards to stare back into the grey mass of wall hanging over him. He felt like a portion of the pain had been alleviated from him, he supposed from sitting awkwardly all day on the bed hadn't been the best move on his mangled ribs, so prone position removed the pressure. He sighed again with a close of his eyes, feeling much better...
By the time Rey had finished cleaning her mouth and opened the restroom door back to the bedroom area, she found Ben completely asleep in the bed.
With a smile she rested the side of her head against the doorframe and stared down at the scene before her in pure bliss, cherishing the moment only she got to see.
He was safe. Here, with her, and not as a captive from the war. He'd turned back to the light side for her, put the rest of his life on the line just to save her. Her smile broadened just at the thought of it. If that didn't show the utmost sign of love she wasn't sure what else could be done.
She crawled on the bed careful not to wake up. It didn't, he barely even noticed her in his sleeping state, which she grimaced to - she couldn't have him waking. Kneeling beside him, she carefully hovered both hands over his right side ribcage, where the plethora of damaged ribs resided.
Rey sheepishly stared to his face to look for any signs of wakefulness. She knew he said no vehemently to being heed - but she wasn't all that good at taking no for an answer. He'd soon learn that side of her wasn't only present in war times.
Afterwards she lifted the covers over her body, a wave of warmth washing over her from the trapped heat of his healing body. She curled into a comfy tight ball and nuzzled her face into the corner of his pillow, snaking her arm up to just wrap her hand around his bicep.
She could deal with the consequences in the morning.
Next chapter: Ben is healed and the duo make last arrangements on Ajan Kloss.
Ackkk, I'm sorry this chapter feels so long winded! For some reason this chapter I felt disconnected with writing in character so I apologize if it didn't sound believable.
My semester started last week but I'm gonna try real hard to keep up with updates!
As always THANK YOU FOR THR LOVE!! Please keep the reviews up they make me so happy ahh.