This story was translated from the Spanish story "Mírame", written by myself.

Since English is not my first language, and this is my first fanfic in English, I hope you might tolerate the mistakes I could have made. Thank you.

Look at me

Chapter 6

I had a nice time with Mamoru. He really has the ability to make me forget about Ken and all my troubles related to him. Just chatting about trifling topics, he makes me smile and concentrate in nothing else but him. He will never know how much I appreciate him being there with me at that time.

As I stayed a little bit longer in Yokohama, during those days that "first date" led to a couple more. I even ventured into extending my trip because I really wanted to see Mamoru again playing with his team.

I went to the game along with Naoko and Imai, and screamed my head off; trying to unburden myself and take my frustration out. People around must think I was a big fan of their team, because I celebrated a lot the goals Yokohama scored, mingled with the real fans.

When the game finished, since Mamoru and I had already agreed to get something to eat –whatever the outcome of the game were-, and his team won, we would have a celebration dinner. Moreover, I had to go back to Nagoya the following day and who knew when we might meet again.

Before leaving, Naoko and Hiroshi wished me good luck, I don't know for what. My girlfriend even winked at me. I waited for Mamoru to come out from the stadium, then we went to dinner as we already arranged. Again, that meal was really fun for me, because I laughed a lot with his wits. We recalled our childhood and our school days. He reminded me the poor relationship –because of the soccer rivalry- that had between our schools, and how cruel I used to be with his teammates.

Suddenly, we started talking about Tsubasa and Sanae –I know, I know. I must have been really bad to do that-. Then I remembered the "Nakazawa syndrome", and how the persistence of that "goody-two-shoes" led her to marry her frog charming –I am so sorry, but Tsubasa is not a prince but a frog-. That's when Mamoru emphasized that Sanae was always supporting Tsubasa, even if he did not notice, and despite the distance between them, she had known how to find a way to let him know she was supporting him. He guessed that because of that, at some point, Tsubasa –the "soccerholic" guy- opened his eyes and realized what she meant to him.

I wanted to cry. Listening to those words was like listening to my own story, with its differences, of course. The big variance lied in the fact that I could not make Ken realize I was there, even when we were not apart as Tsubasa and Sanae.

Then, I felt ridiculous, ridiculous and pathetic. Since the first time I met Sanae, I had been criticizing and making fun of her. But, at the end, she won his frog charming and I'd never be able to get my dementor –yes, my dementor, because every time Ken comes near me I lose a piece of my soul-. I apologized mentally to her, and felt envious because her love story had a "they lived happily ever after, who knows how long, but at least they were together". Whereas the end of my story was like that on "The little mermaid". I would turn into foam and nobody would notice.

After dinner, Mamoru walked me out to my friends' house. We stayed chatting a bit longer at the entrance door. I had such a real good time with him that I didn't want to go nor him going away, but we could not stay there forever. So, I thanked him, and when I was about to say goodbye, he interrupted me and got notoriously nervous out of the blue.

-Paola…I…

-Yes? –I asked, smiling. His sudden change of attitude was odd, but I did not want to tell him because I didn't want to make him feel bad

-Look, it might make no sense… -he kept talking, increasingly nervous

-The what?

-But…I mean…I don't know what you think about long-distance relationships

-About what? –I put on a question mark face. What was that all of a sudden about?

-I like you –Mamoru said, out of nowhere. I was shocked. Was I daydreaming or was he joking?- And… I'd like to know if you…want…to date me…

-Date you? –I repeated with a voice that barely came out, because I was still in shock. How had everything turned out this way?

-I know we live far away from each other…and I don't want an immediate response! But I really like being with you, and I like you… -he kept saying clumsily- So…

-I…

-Think about it, okay? –he asked me, with such a sweet voice that I was tempted to jump around his neck and not letting him go. No man had spoken to me like that ever before, I mean, saying that kind of things to me

-I'll think about it –I said finally, feeling how my hands were shaking from anxiety and excitement

-Thank you –Mamoru thanked, smiling slightly- Now, I have to leave. It is really late and don't want your friends to come out and complain

-Hehe, I don't think so. They must be asleep by now

-I hope so…Well, see you –he bid farewell, grinning. Briefly waved a hand and then crossed the street

-See you –I answered like a gawk, unable to believe what had just happened. Was it for real that Mamoru said he likes me?

When I got into my friends' house, I was still on cloud nine. Suddenly lights turned on and scared me to death. Then, Naoko and Imai appeared like ghosts standing near the stairs. Predictably, as both of them are so curious, they had taken the time to wait for me to get back, so they would try to pump me for information about my meeting with Mamoru. Obviously, I didn't tell them anything. My face was red enough to tolerate more embarrass. Hence, I decided to lock myself in the bathroom, waiting for them to get tired and go to sleep. It took a while, but finally happened.

The next morning I woke up with a headache. As I am used to doing, I was all night long thinking about Mamoru's confession. I didn't understand why, all of a sudden –at least for me-, he started to see me in a different way from just a friend.

Hehe, I suppose Ken thought the same when I said I like him. So I could understand Mamoru somehow. However, the matter was what I was supposed to answer to him. It was true that Mamoru is a handsome guy, as well as considerate and kind to me, but that didn't mean I was going to forget Ken suddenly –together with his foolishness and my broken heart-. All in all I was still absurdly in love with him, even though he didn't give a damn about it.

When I believed that nothing could get my situation more complicated, and that the most difficult issue was trying not thinking about Ken and his rejection anymore, my concern about what to say to Mamoru joined. What was I going to do?

Finally, I went back to Nagoya, trying to resume my life and keeping my plan of putting as much distance as possible between Ken and me. It was not being easy because I was worried about Napoleon –although, using some tuna Ken could persuade him to eat-, but I was really striving to move on.

Thus, it came to pass that one of those days I was coming out of college when I ran into that woman called "Aiko-san" – "miss busybody", for me-. She was waiting to speak with me. I don't know what kind of expression I had, because I noticed that –for a second- she looked regretful to come looking for me. Either way, she approached and asked me for a minute, because she wanted something to tell me.

I already figured out that Ken had to say to his "perfect little sweetheart" what had happened between us, and now Aiko would come out with the speech of "if you love him, you have to let him go and be happy with me". Anyway, I let her talk, but she couldn't stop beating around the bush and I didn't know why. Maybe because she was talking to me, with whom is not easy to deal –and my mood gets worse when dealing with someone I hate-, or because she was trying to find a way to still looking friendly although saying all those things.

After apologizing about a zillion times for coming to looking for me and bothering me –she was right about that-, Aiko finally started to say why she was there.

-I don't know what happened with Ken-kun. He looks strange since some days ago –she told me

-Strange? What do you mean?

-He is absent-minded all the time, thinking about who knows what. When I tell him to do something, he always comes up with an excuse to turn me down

-Uh-huh, he always does that when he is in a bad mood –I thought, because I know very well that blockhead. But, why would he be in a bad mood?

-I told him that we could spend some time with you, 'cause I thought that might be the problem. Since he is my boyfriend, I know he is no longer hanging out with you, and maybe that is what was bothering him –she explained, kind of hurt

-I think you're wrong –I immediately assured

-I wanted to think I was wrong, because that was the only thing that came to me. Besides, Ken-kun told me we should not bother you –she clarified. I felt a painful twinge in my chest.

Those words coming from me than coming from him was not the same. Saying that I was not the answer for his odd behavior not only hurt my self-love, but my confidence to believe our friendship was meaningful to Ken.

-Oh, is it so? So, why are you here? –I said, angrily

If this fucktard already knew that I wasn't the solution to Ken's mood problem, why she came to spite me.

-Because you know Ken-kun better than I do, and I hope you might help me to find out what is going on with him

Was she serious about me? What the hell could someone say to the girlfriend of the boy you are in love with? A girlfriend who, by the way, comes to ask for advice. What did she want me to say? Perchance didn't that jerk tell her that I confessed to him and he turned me down? Or, is it that she came looking for me to wallow in my pain?

-Look. I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I would be helpful, but you're wrong –I replied with mockery- If you, his girlfriend, doesn't know why Ken is acting weird. How is it possible that me, an ordinary friend of his, could know?

-I already told you. Because you know him better than I do

-Nothing, according to you, I may know about him could be helpful, because I can't even imagine why he is like that. It might be just one of those times in which he walks bored of everything. Or, maybe, something happened at the club and he doesn't want to talk about it. He does that very often. Why don't you try asking him straight out?

-I did it, but he says everything is okay

-So, I don't have any other clue. As I mentioned before, he might be just going through a bad period. Be patient, he'll get over it. Sometimes, he behaves like a child when things don't work out the way he wants them to

-Do you think so?

-How should I know?! At least, I saw those things usually tend to happen to him

-Thank you –she said, embracing me all of a sudden

I froze as a fish. Did I ever mention that I hate being touched? Well, I hate it. Even though I can tolerate hugs or my head being touched by people close –VERY close- to me. However, when dealing with strange people or people I hate –like this Aiko girl- alas no, absolutely not. Hence, I had to push her away as courteously as I could, disengaging from her unpleasant hug.

-I did nothing, so you don't need to thank

-You did. You gave me the confidence to understand that he was not acting odd because of something I did

Wait a minute. That sounded like something lacking in dignity. And yes, I know, I am the last person who can criticize that. But I found so very, very jarring what she said, that I had to dissimulate my dirty-diaper look.

-And, by the way, Napoleon is doing very vell –Aiko said, as if she knew I was worried about that cat for the past few days

-Oh, yeah? Is he eating properly? –I dared to ask, because I really wanted to know more about him

-Yes, he is. Besides, he is being friendlier with me. He already comes out when I am at Ken-kun's apartment –she told me. I wanted to say that I couldn't care less about that, but I didn't. I didn't want to sound as foolish as I was feeling

-That's good

-Moreover, Ken-kun found someone else to feed the cat when he is not in the city

-Uh… -it had to be. He was able to find my replacement easily

-But I'm sure he already told you –Aiko mentioned, and I didn't know if she really was unaware of that or if she wanted to prove a point

-No, no, he didn't –I sincerely replied- We have not had any contact for several days

-Oh, that's a pity. But, why?

-These things happen –I said, sketching out a fake smile. Who the hell does she think she is to ask that? She was not even my friend

-I'm really sorry to know that. I hope you didn't have a fight because of me

-It was, in part, but you don't need to worry. Not everything is because of you. You are not the center of the world –it just came out from my mouth with brutal honesty

I can't stand that kind of women. Women who go out into the world pretending to be nice, but wearing a mask trying to hide their true and dark intentions. This Aiko seemed one of those nasty women.

-I…I didn't want to mean that –she said softly, blushing

Pfff… To another dog with that bone! I am not a man to believe that ridiculous stunt.

-Do you need anything else? Or, did you finish? I have to go –I announced, not politely at all

-Are you jealous? –she asked, looking at me with curiosity

Oh well… Where was the "shame" she pretended to feel right now? I'm telling you, this bitch pretends to be a good person, but she is not.

-Why should I be jealous?

-I don't know. When Ken-kun is with you, you act different

-Different? What do you mean?

-I didn't think that you would be so aggressive with me when being here just the two of us

-I'm not aggressive only with you, but with any stranger person for me. And you are one of them –I claimed in arrogance

Yay! Finally, the arrogance of the Wakabayashi family was being useful and made me happy to be a relative of theirs.

-If you don't believe it, go and ask any of my classmates –I added, smiling sarcastically

-Um…I got it…

-Anything else?

-No, that was it. Thank you, and sorry if I bothered you

-It's okay. Bye –I said, not even waiting for a response from her

I left as fast as I could. I was so angry that I wanted to break up the concrete of the sidewalk with each of my steps.

You big stupid! How you dare to come looking for me to ask for my advice about how to deal with Ken?! Are you not his girlfriend already? Then go and ask him what's going on with him! I am not gonna tell you what I have learned about him during the last ten years! After all, you took Ken away from me. So, why would I have to share such valuable information to me?

The next thing I knew was that I was crying with rage and pain. Ken and Aiko were making me look as a ridiculous and jealous dumped woman, and it was enough of all that humiliation. Even though, me myself had allowed them to humiliate me, that saddened me more than I could say. Fucking infatuation. I want to forget everything about Ken, please…

I was still mad at Ken and Aiko –Ken for being so stupid, and Aiko for being a shameless fake bitch that I had already uncovered-, but, at the same time, I was missing Napoleon and wanted to see him. So, I ventured to go to Ken's apartment a couple of times behind his back.

Although before I used to go there without further notice –he gave me a key for a reason-, now my pride prevented me from letting him know in no way that I was still going to his place. All in all he had to understand that I was conscious and deliberately ignoring him, and that my decision to get away from him still stood. However, I couldn't help –not even for pride- being concerned about Napoleon, because it was not that little angel's fault that his owner and I were in terrible terms.

Therefore, I went to Ken's place to bring Napoleon some snacks or to play with him. Then I would leave without leaving a trace of my presence. Playing the thief was resulting funny, although I was not a real thief because I didn't take anything from that apartment, apart from the time I spent with the cat.

Unfortunately, that game didn't last for long, because –for my bad luck- I was there a day that was raining torrentially, moving from one side to another a feather that Napoleon was trying to catch. I was humming a song in an effort to not hearing the thunders outside, when the door opened. I felt like my soul had left my body. I froze. It seemed I was a thief who had been caught.

Next, Ken came inside and looked surprised to see me there. I noticed it because he raised his eyebrows so high that he was about to get cramped. I avoided direct eye contact, because I was ashamed and felt ridiculous. Quickly, he pulled himself together, closed the door like nothing happened, left his bag on the floor and went to the kitchen without saying a word. That hurt me, because he said nothing.

I know, saying I was hurt doesn't make sense because I was ignoring him in the first place, but what can I say… Sometimes feeling something pointless can't be helped.

I took a deep breath, caressed Napoleon's head –meanwhile he was smashing the feather with his paws-, and stood up. Thereupon I picked my backpack up and took a couple of steps toward the main door. I needed to be out of that apartment as soon as possible.

-Where are you going? –I heard the question and abruptly stopped

-I'm going home, where else? –I replied in irritation as if it wasn't obvious, avoiding to look at him

Ken had caught me sneaking in his apartment, at a time he was not supposed to be there, but he didn't even mentioned it or asked anything about.

-It's raining, at least do you have an umbrella?

-Yes, I do –I didn't want to see him. I was angry because he was talking to me so calmly, as nothing would have happened the last days. Ken can be really cruel

-So, will you be okay with all the thunders out there? Because the storm is getting worse –he inquired

That was the height of cruelty. He knows well that I dread the storms, and dares to "remark" that the storm was going to get worse. Was he rejoicing in my fear? Now, I didn't know whether leaving was a good idea or not. I didn't want to allow my phobia overcame my pride, neither staying there with Ken. I would rather go anywhere else looking for a safe shelter.

-Stay here until the storm's gone –Ken said, lifting Napoleon with one hand and taking him to his bedroom

My heart shrunk. Ken not only didn't care if I was there –like a refugee- but left me alone even knowing I would be more scared as soon as the storm gets worse.

I dropped my eyes and noticed my hands were shaking, not sure with anger or fear. I turned my head a little. The door of his room was open. The TV could be heard. I gulped, not knowing what to do next. I knew that if I would go out to the street, the rumble of the thunders will scare me that much that I would freeze right there, wherever I were. But staying there would allow that stupid man to believe he was doing me a favor by not asking anything else and let me be at his place.

Having been caught sneaking in his apartment made a fool of myself already, so I considered whether or not being there would be more shameful than freezing as a little child in the middle of the rain in the open street.

-I stay –that was my decision. So, I just sat down on the floor, in front of the main door, thus I would be able to get out as soon as I could

After a while, I looked at my watch. I supposed that was the time for people getting off work, or the soccer practice. I didn't want to talk to Kazuki, not even to Naoko. Suddenly, I felt like hearing Mamoru.

I grabbed my cellphone and dialed his number right when a thunder boomed out all over the place. I curled my body, pressing the device firmly against my ear, and then my entire body started shaking. I needed to hide somewhere, but I couldn't move an inch and didn't know what to do. Mamoru's voice sounded, but I couldn't give an answer. The fear left me speechless.

-Paola? –he repeated for a third time- Are you there?

-I'm scared –I said that in such a high-pitched voice that I myself could not recognize it- I'm scared, Mamoru –I said again, shaking ever more

Paola Wakabayashi, Naoko Hoshigawa, Aiko Fujimiya and Napoleon (the cat) are OC characters created by Tsuki_W.

All the Captain Tsubasa's characters belong to Yoichi Takahashi and Shueisha.

Thank you for reading!