Chapter 4 – This is about us
Shizuru was seated at the far-end of the footbridge as she was staring out at the horizon where the seas and the skies collided in a single visible line. She knew this was just an illusion created from perspective considering the distance, the location and one's maximum range of vision. There was no way that the skies would really meet the seas. And that was what she ingrained in her heart and brain since two years ago – she would never meet Natsuki ever again. However, their worlds had collided again.
She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes shortly. The cool breeze that kissed her pretty face and caressed her soft, wavy brown hair brought her a sense of tranquility despite the overwhelming and confusing thoughts that occupied her mind lately. She had to admit, this was really a good relaxation place to actually help her clear her troubled heart and sort out her issues. However, her issue was 'together with her' right at this moment. Her issue was this extremely arrogant woman named Natsuki Kuga.
Yes, Natsuki Kuga was her lover. No, scratch that. She was her ex-lover. She was her past. That woman was everything to her – the most important person in her life. She was her world, her dreams, her future and her lifeline. She would risk anything including her own life, just for her. Just for Natsuki. She would do anything just for that woman. And yet, Natsuki Kuga was everything she did not expect.
She was the embodiment of betrayal, a fraud personified and Apate's incarnate. The raven-haired woman was nothing but a superb liar and terrific trickster. She made Shizuru believe that she was in love. She made her believe that they were made for each other, that there could be forever. Hard as it may, she made her a complete fool.
Every day in those past two years, there were millions of questions wanting some answers that torture her mind to pieces. Was there something that I have done? Was there something that I haven't done? Where did I go lacking? Why are you leaving? When are you planning to leave? Where would you go? What went wrong? How could we fix it? Can you please just stay? Do you not love me? Was I not enough?
The more she pondered on those questions, the more her heart was being squeezed like a lemon in a giant squeezer. Natsuki's answers to all her questions were nothing but apologies. She could not even fathom why the raven-haired woman did what she had done. Except for the only logical explanation… Natsuki Kuga fell out of love. She was done with Shizuru. And she had conveniently dumped her like trash.
She unconsciously brought her hand to her heart as she reminisced everything. She could still clearly remember their last goodbye and the heartache from that moment was etched in her heart like a permanent laser engraving, scarring her for the rest of her life. It had become a tattoo in her heart, a stigma indicating a mark of shame for being a complete fool for this woman, for allowing her world to revolve around this woman. So that when Natsuki left her, she had become nothing but a mere existence. She had lost her reason to live.
With the support of her friends, she was slowly redirecting her life back to normalcy. It was never easy, but she was moving forward, inching ahead little by little until she could finally accept that Natsuki had really left her. Acceptance was a painful reality but a strong motivator for Shizuru to finally let her go. Acceptance was one thing but healing was another thing. However, healing always started from acceptance. And that was where she was at the moment – in the process of healing.
However, fate had its own share of surprises making this so-called journey of life exciting and thrilling. If only Shizuru's heart could afford that excitement and entertain this surprise in her life, things would rather be great. But her broken heart wasn't ready for another heartbreak. She couldn't risk going through that pain again. She could not bet her scarred heart to uncertainty again. Because this time, if she allowed her back in her life and things would still fall apart between the two of them, she might really lose herself. There would be no salvation for her.
Despite the safest and more conservative approach her logical brain was screaming, she could not neglect the renewed feeling of hope and romance that bloomed in her chest upon Natsuki's return. She could deny it and hide behind her façade however she wanted but she could not fool herself. Upon hearing that forbidden name, her heartbeat soared like crazy as if she was in some kind of adrenaline rush. With the barest of touch from that woman, her body was sent on fire, sending electric currents like rapid wildfire consuming her. Upon hearing that husky voice addressing her, calling her name, oh shame, it was more than enough to turn her knees into jelly (fortunately she was seated at that time). And as her ruby eyes settled on that beautiful familiar smirking face, one thing was undoubtedly confirmed. Shizuru Fujino was still irrevocably in love with Natsuki Kuga.
Shizuru sighed as she opened her scarlet eyes. With just the simplest touch from you. With just your stupid, husky voice. With just your annoying smirking face… Why do you still affect me this much Natsuki? Even after all these years? Even after you dumped me? Why do I always end up getting the short end of the stick? Natsuki, why must you come back and confuse everything?
Instead of answers to the million questions she had had in the last two years, Natsuki's return only brought yet another wave of questions which she wasn't sure she would like to hear answers from. However, her thoughts were disrupted as two cheery voices called out to her.
"Shizuru!" Both Mikoto and Chie screamed as loud as they could while they outran each other in reaching the brunette. Glancing around, Shizuru saw the two running at full speed towards her and she couldn't help but smile upon seeing them. It had been a while since she had seen the two. Chie had been busy travelling as she managed various resorts across the country whereas Mikoto was always on-the-go being a travel vlogger. Shizuru stood up and waited for them patiently. Further in the distance, she saw the others – Aoi, Mai and Nao walking at a slower pace. It should not come as a surprise to her that these people were the culprits for this escapade. She wondered if she should be relieved or annoyed for their intrusion but having a reunion with these 'oddballs' really brought a smile to her face and warmed her heart– there was no denying that fact.
The cat-like woman was first to reach the brunette hugging her fiercely, followed by Chie who sandwiched Mikoto in her embrace. Natsuki was only a few feet away from them, observing them enviously. The soft chuckle emanating from the brunette reached her ears and she had wished she was the cause of that happiness. The others had arrived giving the brunette a quick hug as well. After exchanging some pleasantries, Shizuru eyed each one of them, her eyebrow raised.
"So, I guess everyone is already present?"
Everyone looked at each other questioningly. "Present for what?" Mikoto asked confused.
"Present to receive my punishment." Shizuru's smile turned enigmatic as everyone's faces faltered. Even Nao gulped nervously as her lime green eyes settled on those murderous scarlet ones.
"Spare me oh mighty, gorgeous woman, I'll tell you everything you need to know! I was forced. My hands were tied." Chie started cleaning her hands only to receive a good pounding at the back of her head from the glaring Aoi.
"Liar!" Aoi was outraged. "Have you forgotten the crash course 'kidnapping 101 skills' that you taught us, you sneaky little liar."
"Hey baby, you must be forgetting." Chie clicked her tongue arrogantly. "The most critical aspect to the success of kidnapping is Shizuru's schedule which YOU willingly shared to us." Aoi blushed instantly.
"It's because Mai asked for help!" Aoi responded defensively, pointing at the busty woman. "Blame Mai!"
"Huh? Why me?" Mai complained when all eyes were on her. "It was Nao. She is the mastermind who plotted all of this."
Nao's eyes bulged, raising her hands in defense. "Excuse me. A plan would be just a plan without proper implementation. What I shared was simply a plan. And kidnapping without a proper getaway vehicle would be useless. So I say this is all Mikoto's fault!" Nao smiled cheekily. "You lending your campervan initiated everything to be executed according to my plan. So, had you not lent your campervan, nothing would have happened."
"Haaaa?" Mikoto's jaw dropped. "You called me in the middle of night asking if you could borrow one of my campervans and I simply said yes because I trusted you." Mikoto complained hotly. "Who would have thought you're going to use that to kidnap someone!"
Shizuru was simply amused watching her friends go at each other's throats. It was just like old times, the way they kept bantering at one another, blaming things to anyone but themselves. It was nostalgic and entertaining. With Aoi's addition as Chie's girlfriend, the group had become even more lively and chaotic at the same time. It would have really been like old times had she still have Natsuki by her side. It would have really been just like before had Natsuki not left. It had even felt as if that was in another lifetime when everything was just perfect. However, times had changed and people moved on.
Forcing those sad thoughts away, she focused on her friends again still bantering with each other until Chie shushed everyone.
"You know what, the actual kidnapper is this woman." Chie dragged the watching raven-haired girl from the side stopping only when the blushing but still arrogant-looking Natsuki was in front of Shizuru. "I guess she deserves all the punishment you may have." Chie clapped Natsuki's back effectively pushing her towards the brunette while others cheered and hooted noisily.
Scarlets locked with emeralds. They stayed like that for a bit longer, not daring to break eye contact until Shizuru smirked and looked away. Her eyes settled on her friends who were waiting for her response. "But… I don't deal with strangers." Right back at you Natsuki.
"Ouch!" Nao teased as she pretended to drop on her knees while clutching her aching heart.
"Boom!" Chie pounded her chest repeatedly. "That's milady!"
"Whoooaaa! Say you what!" Mikoto clapped her hands.
Natsuki couldn't help but smile speechlessly at such a remark, shaking her head in surprise. Clearly, the brunette had used the same word she used to address Shizuru when they first saw each other again. Hello stranger!
Mai wisely decided to break the tension and informed everyone the lunch was ready. As everyone headed towards the in-house restaurant, Nao and Chie kept taunting the poor raven-haired woman as they sang their hearts out irritatingly.
"Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand"
Aoi and Mikoto were also grooving into the song adding further salt to the injury. Natsuki could only roll her eyes in both amusement and annoyance. Mai, being the mature that she was, was walking beside Shizuru simply content to hearing the taunts from behind though from time to time was also singing the chorus of the song.
The group had had their lunch while swapping stories in between. Mostly, the stories came from Mikoto and Chie for always travelling while Nao would throw rude comments at every opportune time. Mai and Aoi laughed and shared their own sentiments whereas both Natsuki and Shizuru were contented to watch the noisy group.
Whenever Shizuru's attention were on their friends, Natsuki would steal a glance, smiling like an idiot. She had missed Shizuru so much that seeing her now in person completely overjoyed her. She loved watching the brunette smiling, the brunette carefree and happy. And before she would get caught, she would look away pretending to be in deep conversation with the others.
Shizuru on the other hand already knew that Natsuki's emerald eyes were constantly on her. She could see in the corners of her eyes the way the raven-haired woman looked at her. She had wanted to believe it was the same way she looked at the raven-haired woman. But she could not get her hopes up especially when her mind was transporting her back two years ago. Don't lose your composure, Shizuru. Just ignore her.She reminded herself as she re-focused her mind on the conversation.
"Hey Shizuru, your driver is named Kazuya right?" Chie asked interestedly.
"Ara, Yes. I believe he started to be the company driver around a two weeks ago?" Shizuru tried to remember the exact date the handsome guy started working for her. "Why do you suddenly asked?"
Chie coughed loudly, her eyebrows waggling. "Wanna hear some juicy news?" She glanced at each one. Apparently their intent faces, eyes glued to the smirking bespectacled woman spoke for themselves. Even during their university days, Chie was known to be the number one gossiper, being always on top of all the scandalous news.
Chie smiled proudly. "I take it as yes?" She teased the group. Nao threw a crumpled napkin at the short-haired woman irritatingly. "Just spill it!"
"Gee, patience!" Chie sneered at the redhead.
"Talk!" Nao booed.
"Fine." Chie responded exasperatingly. Then she looked at each one, her eyes shining with delight. "So this Kazuya guy was actually dating this celebrity chick Akane Higurashi."
"Noo way!" Mai suddenly burst out. "Akane is already engaged to that Takeda right?"
"Yeah, we interviewed the couple just three weeks ago. That chick and boring guy announced their engagement during one of our shows." Nao recalled.
"Tsk Tsk tsk… I can't believe you're losing your touch, Nao-chan." Chie mocked the redhead only to receive a whopping pounding in the side of the head.
"No to violence please!" Mai broke the two, then urged the gossiper to continue her story.
"So, he got the shock of his life when that engagement came out. Kazuya was beyond himself. He felt betrayed that Akane cheated on him and afterwards quit being her personal driver. That's why he's now your company driver." Chie addressed the brunette. Everybody 'ooohed' as they nodded their heads absorbing that piece of information.
"Oh but there's more to it than meets the eye." Chie's eyes gleamed with mischief. "According to my reliable source, Kazuya had an affair with another actress just to get back at Akane. And this woman was none other than Akane's rival, Mahya Blythe. So this sneaky woman sent a scandalous picture of her and Kazuya to Akane. Are you guys following?" Chie eyed all of them. Everyone bobbed their heads.
"Akane was obviously furious. She bombarded Kazuya with lots of questions, showing the picture as the evidence of his betrayal. But the guy retorted back mentioning about her engagement with that Takeda guy. So who do you think is at fault?"
"Akane obviously." Aoi responded. "She cheated first. The guy's action was justified."
"I think Kazuya's at fault." Mikoto offered. "He should have cleared with Akane about that engagement. It could have been fake. Who knows? But if I were Kazuya, I would have directly clarified the issue with her. After all, Akane is my girlfriend and I completely trust her. Well, that's how I would think."
"And that was actually what happened. The engagement turned out to be a promotional tool to hype their tandem for the upcoming movie. Apparently, the management had forbidden the two to tell a single soul that the engagement was fake. So technically, Akane could not divulge it yet to Kazuya during that time."
"Darn! That must have hurt! Akane must be so broken!" Mai gasped.
"Yeah, to think that she never really cheated and remained faithful to Kazuya." Mikoto commented. "That's like punch in the gut."
"Can't blame the guy though, I would have done what he had. As it was, an engagement was announced. How do you expect him to react?" Nao shrugged her shoulders.
"Akane told him the truth that it was just a fake one with her manager confirming it. But Kazuya had already crossed the line. Now, realizing what he had done, he is trying to win back Akane. But the latter was obviously devastated and hurt. So, the question now is does he deserve a second chance?" Chie asked wittily.
"Tough question, hmm…" Mai thought deeply.
"It is…" Aoi agreed.
"I guess he deserves a second chance." Everybody suddenly looked at the owner of that husky voice. It was Natsuki who broke her silence and joined in. "He was clearly at fault, yes. I won't deny it. But he was certainly regretting his actions by trying to win her back."
Everyone silently considered Natsuki's thoughts when another voice broke the silence.
"Trust takes years to build and seconds to break. And once that trust is broken, it would take forever to repair." Shizuru voiced out her opinion however her scarlet eyes zoned in on those emerald eyes staring back at her. "I don't see any reason why Akane should still trust Kazuya. She should just forget about him and move on." Shizuru spoke seriously.
"But Akane appears to still have feelings for the guy. If you love someone, you will forgive no matter what." Natsuki insisted.
"And if you truly love someone…" Shizuru slammed her hand hard on the table, glaring at Natsuki. "…you will not betray her, you will never hurt her." The brunette hissed each and every word, her scarlet eyes turning darker. The others seemed to be in shock by the exchange between the two that they simply watched them mutely. Even the usually nasty redhead kept her mouth shut.
Natsuki felt like those words were meant for her, seeing as how enraged the brunette was. She felt a tight knot in her stomach watching those scarlet eyes blazing with anger.
Natsuki sighed miserably. "It was just a one mistake. A mistake he deeply regretted. Would you simply just end things with that one mistake?"
"Ara, one mistake you say?" The brunette was seething with anger. "Be it one mistake, two mistakes, five, ten, twenty, you cannot change the fact that a mistake is a mistake. Kazuya doubted her. He did not trust her. He did not believe in her. He was selfish. He only cared for his own happiness." Just like you Natsuki, you did not trust me. You doubted my love for you. You only care about yourself.
Natsuki looked at her with a resigned expression. "We sometimes hurt the ones we love not because it was our intention but because we have our own weaknesses. Kazuya had done what he did because he was hurting. He thought that he had been betrayed."
"Are you implying his revenge is justified?" Shizuru stood up, glaring at Natsuki.
"I'm only saying he has his weaknesses." Natsuki also stood up without breaking eye contact with the brunette. Just like me, Shizuru. Just like me.
"Then Akane's weakness is loving Kazuya. Her love for him would be her downfall." Just like me, Natsuki. Just like me.
The five were left speechless, watching the two of them in heated argument. Both Aoi and Mai were giving Chie the signal to butt in but Chie was eye-pointing to the redhead to be the mediator. Nao shook her head, eye-pointing back to Chie. Mikoto nudged Chie to make a move before things turned even messier. Chie sighed then looked at the two ex-lovers.
"Err… guys, this is still Akane and Kazuya we're talking about right?" She asked innocently and dumbly.
Mai face-palmed herself. Mikoto dropped her head on the table. Aoi made a face at her girlfriend. Nao rolled her eyes. IDIOT! they all winced it. Give it to Chie to make things even more complicated!
"Of course." Shizuru responded, somehow calming down a bit and regaining her composure. "This is definitely…" She looked at Natsuki straight in the eye. "…about them."
No, this is about us. Both Natsuki and Shizuru thought sadly.
Shizuru excused herself afterwards, wanting some alone time. She decided to take a walk to ease her mind off a certain raven-haired woman. However, the more she tried to avoid thinking about her, the more her mind seemed not to cooperate. She lost track of time until she realized it was getting darker and decided to head back to the cottage. However, her feet ended up bringing her to the same spot she had been on earlier. She sat again and stared out in the vast open space illuminated by the fullness of the moon.
A loud sigh escaped her lips as she tipped her head forward to see her reflection in the water. Her own watery reflection was staring right back at her until the shape shifted and her mind seemed to form Haruka and Yukino's hazy features as she recalled last night's conversation with them.
"What are you so afraid of, Shizuru?" The blonde spoke bluntly as she was leisurely sipping green tea on the brunette's couch. Yukino and Haruka agreed to come over as soon as the brunette got home. Shizuru spilled the beans to her two best buddies and kind of regretted it with how Haruka was lecturing her now.
"Tch. Isn't it obvious? I'm afraid… to fall for her again. What if she leaves me again? She broke me before. She could easily break me again."
"Then so be it!" Haruka blurted loudly and sharply. "So be it Shizuru. Because for me, I would rather love and be hurt than to never love again."
Shizuru was left dumbfounded with such a bold statement she almost dropped the cup she was holding. Those words were more than enough to give her goosebumps. True, it was a reckless action but never a reckless decision.
"Call me stupid but I will always believe in the power of love. Love will conquer all even the most hurting human being in the world. Love will heal. Love will forgive."
Yukino also joined and shared her two cents. "What if this time she would never leave you? What if this time, instead of breaking you, she would complete you? What if this time would be that perfect moment? Would you let it slip away? Are your uncertainties greater than your love for her? Are your fears bigger than your dreams? Is your past more important than your future? Is your heartache worth more than another shot of happiness? You're an intelligent woman, Shizuru. Only you would know the answers to these questions."
"Bubuzuke! I can't believe you can be this… what's the word? Ah, coward!" Haruka cocked her head arrogantly, smirking at her.
"There is a thin line between caution and cowardice." Yukino smiled at the brunette timidly. "You'll be fine Shizuru. You'll be fine."
Shizuru leaned back and closed her eyes, replaying those words in her mind. 'I'd rather love and be hurt than never to love again huh…' If only this would be easy, if only I could completely trust again, if only my heart is not hurting, I would have done so.
"Natsuki…" Shizuru unconsciously mumbled what or rather who was occupying her mind until she was brought back to reality when two strong arms enveloped her from behind. Even before she could open her eyes, she already knew who was holding her captive. She would never forget that toned figure pressed against her body, the smell of green apple as her nose caught the scent of freshly shampooed raven silky hair. It was so intoxicating to be held by the person she loved the most if only she was not hurting.
Natsuki was worried sick ever since the brunette excused herself. She tried to follow but Mai held her back suggesting to give Shizuru some time to think for herself. Reluctantly, she agreed. However, it had been six hours already and the sun had set yet the brunette was nowhere to be seen. The others also went out to find the brunette but no luck as yet. She was panicking and thought the brunette must have left without a word when she found someone's silhouette sitting at the far-end of the footbridge. She shortened the distance in silent but quick strides and relief washed over her as she recognized Shizuru.
She was contented to simply watch her from afar, admire the beauty that once belonged to her and absorb every inch of her pretty features. However, the longing she had been trying to ignore resurfaced in full force as she heard the woman of her dreams speaking her name for the first time in forever. She had lost her self-control as she rushed towards the unsuspecting brunette.
"I'm here." Natsuki whispered softly to her ears as she held the brunette tighter into her arms, her chin resting at the crook of Shizuru's neck. Shizuru stiffened at the contact, her mind racing, her heart beating fast.
"Let go off me." Shizuru was gritting her teeth as she spoke those words with so much pain and hatred. She struggled against those powerful arms encircling her. Tears started to prick at the corner of her eyes betraying the bitter words that left her mouth.
"Shizuru…" She muttered pleadingly and agonizingly yet her arms remained strong and steadfast. Natsuki's husky voice calling out the brunette's name as if she was in so much pain brought yet another stab in Shizuru's heart. It was so painful to hear. It was suffocating her. It was infuriating her. She wanted to rant at her, yell at her, scream at her, mock her, question her, insult her, hurt her, curse her, put all the blame on her, vent out her anger at her. Natsuki had no right to feel this much pain when she was the one who decided to leave her. You left me Natsuki. I am the one who suffered. I am the one in pain. I am the one hurting. So please stop acting like you are one.
"I said let me go." Shizuru's strong accent was now filled with fury and resentment. She brought her hands on those toned arms and tried her best to pry them open to set her free. She had only stopped struggling as small droplets of water started falling into her prying hands and the body hugging her was shaking uncontrollably. "I'm sorry…" Natsuki faintly whispered in between sobs. "I'm really sorry Shizuru…"
Shizuru bit back a whimper that tried to escape her lips as she blinked back the tears that threatened to fall in those ruby eyes. She had absolutely hated these words. These were the same exact words that Natsuki could only offer her when she left her. These words of apologies were nothing short of empty words that were only meant to be said to alleviate her of her suffering when nothing seemed to be right. These words only serve to aggravate her making her feel even more vulnerable.
She dropped her hands to her side as she watched those continuous water droplets now falling into her lap. She inhaled deeply before trusting her words not to croak. "Too bad. You are… two years too late." The Shizuru who loved you unconditionally, the Shizuru who completely trusted you – you already killed her two years ago, Natsuki. "two years too late, Natsuki." Shizuru could not hold back anymore as she let the floodgates opened and her scarlet eyes were bleeding with unfiltered tears that streamed her cheeks.
She really loved Natsuki. She knew she still loved Natsuki. And yet she could not be the same person who loved Natsuki without restrictions. She could not be the same reckless person who blindly followed her heart in all directions. After all, Shizuru was only human, a human capable of being hurt, capable of being broken, capable of developing defense mechanism to protect herself from feeling suffering again.
"Please… give me a second chance…" Natsuki failed miserably in controlling her sobs as tears freely fall unrestrictedly into Shizuru's lap. "Please hear me out. Let me explain." Shizuru's heart was getting conflicted by the minute. She had badly wanted to reach out to her, to coax her, stop her from crying console her, anything to make her feel better. It always pained her to hear the helplessness and brokenness in that husky voice. However, the voice of doubt and the voice of anguish prevented her from reaching out.
"Explain why you left?" Shizuru spat with sarcasm, her hands closing into fists. "You already did two years ago. You must have realized by then that you fell out of love or more correctly, you were never in love. Shame on me for being a fool." Shizuru laughed mirthlessly as she wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hand.
"No. No. That's not true." Natsuki held her even tighter if that was even possible. "Shizuru I… I have always loved…"
"Stop it. I don't want to hear." Shizuru cut her off.
"Please, Shizuru… listen…" Natsuki begged.
"Why do you have to come back? Can't you see? I'm totally fine without you." She lied.
"But I am not." Natsuki screamed. "I am not fine without you Shizuru. I need you."
"No more lies from you, please." This time, Shizuru was able to break free from the vice grip hold of the raven-haired woman as she stood up and faced a devastated Natsuki on her knees.
Her ruby eyes were now glaring daggers at the very woman she had looked on with love. "You…" Tears again started falling hard on her face as she repeatedly beat her chest with her hand. "…are the reason for my suffering. Never forget that. And because of you," Shizuru exhaled resignedly, the back of her hand flying to wipe her tears again "…I cannot trust myself to love again." Her emotions were completely overwhelming her that she decided it was best to leave and walk away.
However Natsuki wasn't giving up on her that easily as she caught the brunette's wrist and pulled Shizuru towards her until they were face to face with each other. She held both Shizuru's hands into hers and looked deeply into those glaring scarlet eyes. Natsuki's emerald eyes were blazing with intensity. "Then I'll be your reason for your happiness. I will be your reason to love again."
Shizuru shook her head as she pulled away her hands. "You're delusional." She again turned around but Natsuki stopped her, forcing the brunette to face her.
"I'm serious Shizuru. I mean it." Natsuki again held her hands into hers, kissing them as if her life depended on them.
Shizuru pulled away. "How? What powers do you have to stop me from hurting? To remove this pain that's crippling me, killing me? How would you do that if you are the cause?" Shizuru jabbed at Natsuki's chest. She looked straight at those emerald eyes as she pleaded. "Enough Natsuki, please? Enough…"
"No, I'm not giving up on you this time Shizuru. Doubt me all you want. Blame me all you want. Hurt me all you want. Mock me all you want. Slap me all you want. I will accept all your pain. I will accept all your vengeance. I will accept whatever you throw at me just please…" Natsuki wiped the stubborn tears on her face. "…allow me to be part of your life again. Allow me to replace the pain I've caused you with happiness. Allow me to love you again." Natsuki knew that Shizuru was more than justified with her actions but she would not stop in trying to make amends with the brunette. She had hurt her, betrayed her trust and completely abandoned her. But she was willing to spend the rest of her life correcting her mistake if that was what it would take for Shizuru to forgive her.
But Shizuru was even more stubborn. "Didn't you hear me? Enough is enough. Stop wasting your time. We're over. Goodbye Natsuki." She spoke with finality as she pulled away again and this time, Natsuki did not stop her.
Shizuru walked away with a heavy heart, tears glistening in those scarlet eyes. She finally did it. She rejected Natsuki with finality. She had ended what could have been another love story with a happy ending. And there was no returning back. She could only move forward to a future without Natsuki, just like how it was two years ago. And that was how it should be. And that should stay that way.
Natsuki watched her go, getting further away from her. Her reason for living. Her continued existence. Her reason she fought so hard to live again was slowly moving away where her hands would not reach her. She had faced the Grim Reaper, battled with it and survived its curse believing that she'd one day be reunited with Shizuru again. But now, her world was slowly falling apart. Her past mistake was apparently a giant obstacle she could not overcome, a big barrier she could not jump over. She was coming undone.
But Natsuki would rather die trying than to give up. She had already come this far and she just had to push herself past those limits. She had to constantly try until the walls of insecurities that Shizuru had built would crumble down. She had to make up for those two years of silence. Grasping her last stroke of determination, she breathed deeply.
"I know you still love me Shizuru. I know you do." Natsuki spoke silently but loud enough for the brunette to hear. Shizuru suddenly stopped midway, her heart getting constricted from the revelation. Natsuki slowly walked towards her, halting a step a distance away from the brunette.
"Believe whatever you want to believe."
Even before Shizuru had the chance to resume walking, Natsuki again grabbed her by the arm and turned her around facing her. Their faces were inches away from each other.
"Then tell me." Natsuki half-pleaded half-commanded. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore." Tears were unabashedly falling down on those scarlet and emerald eyes.
Shizuru was shaking now, her hands clasped near her chest. "I…" Natsuki eagerly awaited for her response, her hands never leaving the brunette's arms, her emerald eyes were searching.
Shizuru completely broke down as she slumped her head on Natsuki's shoulders, crying her heart out. "I… hate you…" Shizuru hiccupped in between sobs. Natsuki instantly enveloped her into her arms protectively, holding her closer to her heart. "I hate you… leaving me." Natsuki's hand went to gently stroke those wavy brown hair, soothing the crying woman in her arms. "And I hate myself… for loving you." For still loving you. Damn it Natsuki, I never stop loving you.
"I'm sorry Shizuru. I'm really sorry." Natsuki whispered into her ears as she hugged her tighter. "But I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me. I love you Shizuru. I always do."
-x-
A/N: Tissue anyone? Whew. That was a lot of… drama. But it's necessary. After all, Shizuru was hurt and she deserved justice. Andddd, thank you everyone for the reviews, follows and favorites. Hey Hookedonreading, happy? Lol. Thanks for such flattery! But bribe me no more. I might not be able to keep up the frequent updates. Sorry. (Blame Naruto and Luffy). But fear not, I'd still maintain one chapter update a month.