Playlist for this fic can be found on both Spotify and Youtube:
Spotify playlist/2fOOm65TcS2TEl2FXm3hyq or (tinyurl) /vtcsbgf
YouTube playlist?list=PL9fnWv-0MMz9uY3mK7gMALL6BLSCXOiGY or (tinyurl) /v8lgekx
Active TWs: Mental illness, PTSD, breakdowns
Passive TWs: Car accidents, medical trauma
2. July: Denial
"What bothers you the most about the accident?"
"The pity," Yang answered, without a moment's hesitation.
Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!
Yang groaned, rolling over on her side.
Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!
She fumbled with her right hand to turn off the goddamn-
Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!
Oh.
Yang's eyes shot open, darting to the stump on her right arm. Again.
Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!
She grumbled, reaching over and grabbing her phone with her left hand, turning off the alarm as quickly as she could. She'd probably woken up half the house by now. These walls weren't exactly thick. Well... she probably would have, if it wasn't 10am, and everyone wasn't already up.
Whatever. It was time for meds.
Yang kicked her legs up over the edge of the bed, pushing herself up with her left arm. It was a skill she had acquired with time, and had nearly perfected now. She reached over to her bedside table, placing the two bottles of meds between her knees. She opened them one by one, pushing down on the tops and turning. She dug in with her pinky, pulling out one of each med from the bottles. Using her pinky, she pulled them into her palm, holding the first one there with her other fingers while she grabbed the other. She popped the two pills into her mouth, before reaching over and grabbing her water bottle. She pushed up on the top, opening the lid and revealing the straw. She sucked down some water, swallowing the meds.
After recapping the bottles, and putting everything back on her nightstand, Yang flopped back onto the bed. She reached over to grab her phone, but was interrupted by a scratching at the closed door to her bedroom, followed by a whimper.
"Zwei," Yang mumbled with a small smile. She pulled herself back out of bed again, opening the door for the Corgi, who entered the room with a pep in his step and a wagging tail.
Yang returned to her bed, which Zwei jumped into easily. He plopped down on her chest the moment she laid back down.
"You're such a good boy," Yang said with a smile, scratching the top of his head. "You always know when I need some cuddles."
A small "Boof!" and a more excited tail wag made Yang's smile spread even wider.
The pure joy that Zwei brought Yang was unfortunately rather brief. Not long after Zwei came into Yang's room, there was a soft knock on her open door.
Yang looked up, seeing her mom, Summer Rose, standing in the doorway.
"Good morning," Summer said with a warm smile.
"Mornin'," Yang replied, trying not to let the smile falter from her face. She loved her mother dearly, but it was always hard to pretend that seeing Summer first thing in the morning made her happy nowadays, as a morning greeting from Summer meant therapy.
"You have a therapy appointment in an hour and a half," Summer said. "Pop has some breakfast cooking in the kitchen, and you should eat something before you go."
"I'm not really hungry," Yang replied, looking back down at Zwei.
"Yang…"
Yang did her best to not raise her eyes again, as she knew the moment she did, she would be met with the signature Rose Puppy Dog Eyes™, and any chance of getting away from breakfast would be a lost cause.
"Yang…" Summer repeated. "I'd really appreciate it if you joined us all for breakfast. It's been a while since you did."
"I did last week, before my last therapy appointment," Yang replied, still looking down at Zwei, who was still enjoying his ear rubs.
Summer sighed, entering the room. Yang looked up, just to see Summer pick Zwei up from Yang's torso. "Come on," Summer said, matter of factly. "I want you to have breakfast with us, please?"
There they were, the Rose Puppy Dog Eyes™. It was bad enough that Yang's little sister, Ruby, could guilt her into anything with them, but when their mom resorted to it… Well, Yang knew there wasn't any getting out of this.
Yang sighed, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm coming, I'm coming."
Summer smiled gently, leaning down and planting a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Great! See you down there!" She pulled a squirming Zwei onto her shoulder as she headed out of the room, Zwei watching Yang as he was carried away from his morning cuddles.
Yang slipped her feet into the slippers that sat next to her bed. She slipped out of her bedroom, doing her best to avoid the mirror that hung on the back of her door.
She could hear the commotion from the kitchen the moment she stepped out of her room. She let out a long sigh, preparing herself to head down the stairs and greet the rest of her family.
The kitchen was always lively in the mornings. That tended to happen when you had six people living under one roof. The family wasn't conventional, not by any means, even down to the way they identified themselves.
It was impossible to use one last name to describe the household. There were three different last names, all purposeful in their separation and distinction. Xiao Long, Rose, and Branwen. Before the kids had been born, the adults had decided they needed something to call themselves - a quad of polyamorous adults with three different last names wasn't something they'd ever encountered in their lives, so they didn't really have anything to base it off of. They came up with the first acronym based on their first names - STRQ, pronounced Stark - shortly before the only legal marriage in the group, the marriage of Taiyang and Summer. Once Yang was born, they expanded the name of the STRQ family to the STRQY family, pronounced Starky. Ruby was another easy addition, not necessarily changing the pronunciation, just adding an extra R to the acronym, creating the final form of the STRRQY family.
The liveliness of the kitchen was nothing new to Yang. It had been that way her entire life - every morning, either Pop or Ma making breakfast, while the other prepped everyone's lunches for school. Mom and Dad ran around, getting ready for their days too, and everyone met in the kitchen for breakfast before heading off to school.
And everyone means everyone, except for Raven on some days. The entire family worked within the local school system. Summer, who both Yang and Ruby referred to as Mom, was a school psychologist, primarily based in the local high school, but sometimes did work at some of the elementary schools and the middle school as well, whenever and wherever she was needed. Tai, called Dad by the girls, taught physical education at the elementary school Yang and Ruby had gone to as kids, as well as owning the only karate studio in Patch. Qrow, the girls' Pop, taught math at the middle school, and Raven, known as Ma to the girls, was a part-time substitute who found herself bouncing around the school district, wherever she was needed.
Lively mornings were the norm for the STRRQY family, which is why Yang felt her heart sink into her chest every time she entered the kitchen after the accident.
Silence. Very sudden, uncomfortable silence.
"Morning," Yang mumbled, sliding down into a seat at the table.
"Good morning!" Ruby replied cheerfully, a large smile on her face.
Yang gave a gentle smile back as the liveliness resumed.
Despite the smile, she hated it. She really did. Being treated like a glass cannon, like she was ready to snap at any moment. It made her feel like it was more likely to happen, but not for the reasons her family thought.
"What is everyone up to today?" Ruby asked as Qrow placed a large plate of bacon on the table, next to the large pile of eggs and toast on two other plates on the table. Being the season of summer, the schedules of the STRRQY family were pretty much all over the place. It wasn't uncommon to run through everyone's schedules at breakfast, given that everyone had schedules to begin with, which wasn't always the case during the summer.
"I've got a birthday party down at the studio in the afternoon, so I'll be prepping for that," Tai answered, taking some of the bacon and adding it to his plate.
"Not much today, just going to get some reading done," Raven replied, placing the frying pan from the bacon in the sink.
"I've got some math department meetings down at the school," Qrow replied, taking his seat at the table.
"Therapy," Yang replied dryly, grabbing a piece of toast from the pile.
"Just taking Yang to therapy!" Summer replied cheerfully, pushing some eggs onto her plate.
"Do you want help with getting anything else, Yang?" Tai asked, noticing the single piece of toast on Yang's plate.
"I'm good, not that hungry," she replied, spraying a bit of spray butter onto the piece of toast before eating it.
STRQ exchanged brief looks around the table, Yang lowering her eyes to avoid eye contact.
"Are you sure?" Tai asked.
"I'm sure," she snapped back, a little more fiercely than she intended to. "Sorry," she muttered afterwards, continuing to stare down at her plate.
The silence felt like it went on for years, but it was only a few more seconds before Raven piped up. "What about you, Ruby, what are you up to today?"
Ruby shrugged. "Don't know. Penny's out of town, visiting her mom, and Weiss is stuck on that trip with her father… Maybe I'll join Dad in running the birthday party, if he'll let me?" Silver eyes darted over to Tai.
Tai smiled and nodded. "I could always use an extra set of hands. The kid's turning six, so I'm expecting a wild time."
"Oh, that sounds like so much fun!" Ruby exclaimed, a huge smile on her face. "I love the younger parties!"
"That makes one of us," Tai laughed, shaking his head.
"Don't you teach elementary school kids every day during the year?" Raven asked with a small smirk.
"Oh hush, Rae. We all know that kids at school are a lot easier to handle than a group of sugared up kids at a birthday party."
Yang began to tune out the conversation surrounding her, letting the rest of the family carry on with the bickering between Tai and Raven. She took another slow bite of toast, knowing very well that it was in her best interest to extend the food for as long as possible, at least until the others were closer to done.
She loved her family, she really, really did. It was just hard some days, okay, most days, to feel normal in this house again.
Normalcy wasn't much of a thing anymore in any part of her life, thinking about it. A very loud part of her brain regularly worried that "normal" would never again really be a thing for Yang.
"Can you elaborate further on what you mean by 'the pity'?" Yang's therapist asked, pen resting on notepad.
"They all treat me like I'm going to break at any moment. They feel bad. I see it in their eyes, I hear it in their voices. Every day, day in and out," Yang replied.
"And by they, you mean your family?"
"Yes," Yang replied, a hint of annoyance in her voice. Her old therapist had left the state a few weeks ago, but her parents insisted she continue to go to a new therapist at the same practice. Despite this new therapist having access to all of the notes from the old one, she felt like she was re-explaining herself constantly. She'd barely interacted with anyone other than her family since the accident, over a year and a half ago. Of course she meant her family. Who else did she ever talk with?
"Have you tried bringing it up to them? The pity?"
Yang shook her head. "No. They wouldn't take it well."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because I know them."
The therapist blinked. "Could you elaborate?"
"My Ma is really mentally ill too," Yang replied, bouncing her knee. "Whenever she has an episode, it's all about the pity. It works for her. But it doesn't work for me. And they don't get that."
"It might help if you communicated that to them. It's possible they didn't realize that what they're doing is hurting yo-"
"It's been a year and a half," Yang interrupted, her eyes narrowing. "They still treat me like they did the day I woke up. I don't think they're going to change. My Pop still can't look at my stump. He avoids it at all costs. If he sees it, he starts to cry. It's been over a year and a half. I'm tired. I'm tired of the pity, I'm tired of the therapy. I'm tired of acting like I need to try to be fine around them because I'm not, but they just don't get that. And obviously, neither do you."
"How was it?" Summer asked as Yang got into the car.
"It was fine," Yang lied through gritted teeth. She went to cross her arms, only to realize yet again that it wasn't a thing she could do anymore, letting her singular arm fall to her lap.
Summer raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," Yang snapped. "Can we please just go home?"
"Okay," Summer replied softly, starting up the car.
Halfway through the ride home, Yang finally spoke up. "I'm not going back there again."
"Why?" Summer asked, a hint of fear in her voice, as her eyes flicking between the road and Yang sitting next to her in the passenger seat.
"I can't stand that therapist. He's so condescending. He treats me like I'm a child."
"Maybe we could try getting you a different therapist there-"
"No," Yang snapped again. "I'm tired of it. I'm not explaining everything all over again so they can tell me the same things all over again. I'm fine. I don't need therapy."
Summer fell quiet, thinking carefully about her next words. "I can't force you to go. I know that, but I think it would be for the best if you did."
Yang didn't reply, her eyes closed. She was breathing heavily, trying to keep herself under control. "I don't want to fight about this, but I don't want to talk about this anymore right now."
Summer didn't reply with anything other than a nod.
Raven was curled up on the massive sectional couch in the living room, enjoying the quiet of the house with her book. She picked up her tea that sat on the table next to her, and took a long sip before flipping to the next page. It was somewhat rare to have moments like these, especially with Yang being home all the time now too, although most of the time she just stayed in her room. Yang did have a habit of blasting music, which had been something she had done well before the accident, so the house was rarely this quiet, even now.
Just after she flipped the page, the front door burst open, and in came Yang, hiding her face in her hair.
"How was therapy?" Raven asked, glancing up from her book.
"Terrible," Yang snapped back, making a beeline for the stairs before any other questions could be asked.
Summer entered the house, a defeated look on her face. Raven opened her mouth to ask Summer what had happened, but loud rock music coming from upstairs cut her off.
"Let her be," Summer said in a quieter tone, closing the front door gently behind her. "She's had a rough day."
"What happened?" Raven asked, putting her book down as Summer approached her.
Summer sat down, curling herself into Raven's side. "I don't know. She didn't really explain. She doesn't want to go back to therapy anymore."
"What?"
"I don't know. She was saying she hates her new therapist, and when I asked for more details, she got really aggressive and then suddenly she didn't want to fight. She keeps insisting she's okay…" Summer paused for a moment, glancing up towards the upper floor, where Yang was blasting loud music in her room. "...but she's not. We can't force her to go if she doesn't want to."
Raven sighed, wrapping her arms around Summer and pulling her closer. "She hasn't wanted to go for a long time, but she went anyways. I wonder what changed."
"I don't know," Summer repeated. "Do you really think she's ready to go back to UV in the Fall?"
"Honestly? No. But like you said, we can't stop her. She's going to do what she wants to do."
Summer was quiet for a few moments. "Maybe the change of scenery will be good for her. Maybe not being in Patch for a while will help."
Raven smiled at her partner, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Always the optimist."
"Well, someone in this family has to be," Summer replied without missing a beat, a small smile of her own forming on her face at the mention of the old inside joke that the two women shared. She snuggled in closer to Raven, allowing the two of them to share this moment together, and try their best not to think too hard about the music coming from upstairs.
The moment Yang entered her room, she slammed the door shut and locked it. She fiddled with her phone, sending whatever playlist popped up first on Spotify to her bluetooth speaker and turning it as loud as it could go. Hard rock. It was perfect for what she needed to do.
As soon as the music started, she threw herself onto her bed and started sobbing into her pillow.
She felt horrible. She'd yelled at Summer, who had never so much as raised her voice at either her or Ruby in their entire lives. She'd ignored Raven, and she knew the two of them were downstairs talking about her right now.
She couldn't face them right now though. She stood by the point of what she said, how she felt. She couldn't go back to that therapist anymore. She didn't want to go to any therapy anymore. Everyone just wanted to talk and talk and talk and she just didn't. She just wanted to grieve. She just wanted to be alone, and grieve the fact that her life would never be the way it used to be.
Yang rolled over onto her side, staring at the medication bottles on her nightstand. She grabbed them, and threw them across the room in the general direction of her trash can, although both missed, as she still wasn't that great at throwing with her left arm. She didn't feel like getting up to get them or to actually put them in the trash. She buried her head in her pillow again, letting the sobs resume.
She was tired of pills. She was tired of appointments. She was tired of pity. She was tired of stares. She was tired of questions. She was tired of seeing her reflection in the mirror. She was tired of feeling both everything at once and nothing at all.
She was just tired.