Chapter 5 – Promise me
December 18, 2017
It was the day before Shizuru's birthday and Natsuki had called in their friends to help her throw a surprise birthday party for her girlfriend. Fortunately, the chestnut-haired beauty was busy having an extended meeting in her company and some commercial shooting until after dawn thus giving the raven-haired woman all the time she needed to prepare their house.
Ding dong
Natsuki quickly hid the small blue box in her leather jacket as she heard the doorbell ringing. Glancing at her wrist watch which glowed eight o'clock in the evening, she smirked at her friend's punctuality. Must be Mai, she thought to herself. She stood up from her couch heading towards the front door. But even before she reached it, a loud banging from the front door echoed along the hallways causing little angry veins to pop on Natsuki's forehead. Definitely NOT MAI!
"Oi, oi Kuga! Faster get your lazy butt over here, mutt! Ya hear me?" The familiar snappy comment with the simultaneous rapping on the door made Natsuki walk briskly.
"Shut up, you annoying spider!" Natsuki spat angrily as soon as she opened the door. "I'm not surprised if they can hear you all the way up to the pent house and all the way down to the lobby!" She shook her head while narrowing her eyes at the grinning redhead. They were on the seventh floor in a 30-story high rise condo tower in Tokyo.
"Gee, what a lovely greeting you have there, Na-chan!" Nao teased as she made her way inside not waiting for any invitation. She comfortably sat on the red velvet reclining chair, resting her arms on the armrests. Then glancing at the cobalt-haired woman, she spoke in an alluring voice mimicking the owner of the said reclining chair. "Ara, Nat-su-ki? What are you waiting for? Come here and join~"
Lime green eyes grew wide in shock. Before Nao could react, a flying memory foam pillow went straight to her face completely shutting her up.
"I told you to shut up, idiot!" Natsuki hissed as her cheeks were tinted with red.
There was that one time in school that Shizuru and Natsuki thought they were alone in the classroom and the brunette seductively persuaded the embarrassed Natsuki to come sit on her lap. Her heart on her throat, she mechanically walked towards her girlfriend only to freeze in her tracks when the sound of a phone finishing a video record caught their attention. Jerking their heads on the slightly opened classroom door, Chie was grinning with delight while waving her phone whereas Nao had her arms across her chest and was shaking her head disapprovingly as if saying 'Tsk tsk tsk naughty girls'. Up until now whenever possible, the two troublemakers would always re-enact that captured moment to Natsuki's growing humiliation.
A groan escaped behind that pillow. "Ugh, you vile brutal savage mutt! That hurts like heck ya know?" The redhead pulled the pillow away from her face as she glared menacingly at the grinning raven-haired woman.
Being a magnificent sharp shooter, Natsuki took advantage of her skills adding a bit of speed to gain the desired momentum thus hitting the redhead square in the face. Ha, serves you right BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!
The redhead suddenly stood up and threw the said pillow with all her might. Natsuki, expecting the attack effortlessly eluded the attack as she ducked down. Right at that moment, Chie had arrived and walked inside seeing the open door only to be greeted by the flying pillow in the face. As the intruding object slowly fell on the floor, a sinister-looking Chie threw dagger eyes at the two as she dropped the supplies she was carrying on the floor.
OOPS!
Being in close proximity, Natsuki instantly backed away to the far corner of the living room while Nao armored herself with another pillow ready to defend or attack as necessary. Chie was deliberately playing the pillow in her hand as she glanced left and right gauging between the two the easier target to begin with.
"So, who wants to die first?" She asked melodiously opposite to the meaning of her words. Seeing that Natsuki was more defenseless with no pillow in her hand, she faced her while raising her brows challengingly.
"Oi, oi, oi, that stupid Nao hit you, not me!" Natsuki spoke as she warily moved away from the advancing bespectacled woman.
"Oh yeah? Is that true?" She asked rhetorically. "But from the start, isn't this pillow supposed to be targeting you and not me?"
From the side, Nao was cackling boisterously as she watched the two circle each other. True enough, it was her fault these two were ready for a kill. But who cares? As long as the target's not me!
As soon as she finished that thought, it was again too late to process what happened next. Pain again registered in her face as something must have hit her. Apparently, Chie purposely targeted the raven-haired woman only to wait for an opportunity for the redhead to be complacent and let her guard down.
"Oh yeah! Bull's eye!" Chie cheered as she high-fived with the laughing Natsuki. While the two were cheering, Nao was so angered she gathered all the pillows and started throwing them at both Chie and Natsuki. In the middle of the heated pillow-fight, Aoi and Mikoto arrived and joined in on the mess after being hit on their faces as well. The five of them were all focused on the game they hadn't realized the presence of an ominous force standing in the front door until an angry voice echoed, making them halt whatever they were doing.
"KIDS!" Mai shouted in a loud, stern voice. "WHAT THE FREAKING CRAP ARE YOU ALL DOING!?" She then glared at each one in turn, glowering at the huge mess in the living room. Shoving her orange-haired head, she clicked her tongue while shaking her head.
The five troublemakers were trying their hardest to control their bubbling laughter despite Mai's enraged behavior. Being the motherly figure of the group, Mai had learned to be the one taking charge particularly in situations like this.
"What else are you all staring at?" She spat suddenly causing all five to stand up straighter. "We don't have all day! Get to work NOW! Who knows, Shizuru might come home earlier than we expect."
"Hai!" Everybody simultaneously answered as each one started working on their assigned tasks. Chie and Aoi were tasked to prepare a birthday video greeting for Shizuru as well as the set-up of video recorder in the living room. Nao, Natsuki and Mikoto were all assigned to put up decors and banners as well as rearranging the some furniture as necessary. Mai had the whole kitchen to herself as had been the norm.
For almost two hours, all of them worked hard with minimal interruption. Chie and Aoi proudly announced that they were almost done with the video and would soon set-up the camcorder in the living room. The trio were also done rearranging the furniture and Natsuki had yet to put up the banners. Mai also called out from the kitchen saying that dinner would be done in ten minutes.
Natsuki grabbed the banner saying 'Happy Birthday Shizuru. I love you.' and stood up in a chair to plaster it on the wall when suddenly she felt her world spinning and her heart constricted she could not breathe properly. Blinking her emerald eyes, she tried to breathe through her mouth gasping for air however, the discomfort in her chest only grew further. She tried to stay still however, the lack of oxygen made her feel more lightheaded that she was wobbling on top of the chair she was standing on.
"Watch out!" Nao shouted as she ran towards the falling raven-haired woman. At the last second, Natsuki found her balance and steadied herself on the chair. Grinning weakly, she slowly eased herself down and sat on the chair she had stood on. Everyone suddenly looked alarmed as they stared at her pale, sweaty face.
"The heck stupid mutt! Don't give us a scare like that!" Nao reprimanded as she leveled her face to Natsuki's. As silence ensued, the redhead seriously became worried. Natsuki had her hand on her chest, as if breathing itself had become a tedious task. "Hey, are you okay Natsuki?" She asked worriedly. Mikoto also came forward, curiously watching the two of them. Both Aoi and Chie also stood up, concern palpable on their faces.
Smirking, Natsuki lightly pounded Nao's head. "Tsk, of course I am." She responded. "Just… just excited for Shizuru's party I didn't get enough sleep." She reasoned lamely but the others were not buying it as they continued to stare at her. Evading their worried glances, she stood up and excused herself to get a glass of water.
On her way to the kitchen, the pounding inside her head would not stop as well as the rapid thundering of heartbeat inside her chest. As soon as she reached the kitchen, Mai looked up on her with a big smile on her face as she carried a bowl of ramen she had just finished cooking. But as soon as she saw raven-haired woman, the large bowl in her hand slipped away as she ran towards the fainting Natsuki. Just in time, she was able to break Natsuki's fall catching her in her arms even before the latter hit the ground.
With the loud commotion happening, the four in the living room also rushed in the kitchen and found Mai lightly tapping the unconscious Natsuki in her arms. All of them felt paralyzed as they watched Natsuki's face quickly draining in color.
"Call Yohko!" Mai instructed as she forced herself to calm down and feel Natsuki's wrist. To her unease, it was very faint and almost slowing down. Jerking her head towards the four, she again blurted out. "I said call Yohko NOW!"
Chie snapped out of her shock and dialed the doctor's number emphasizing its urgency. Meanwhile, the others helped Mai carry Natsuki to her bedroom and lay her down. As they lifted her up, the small blue box dropped on the floor from her leather jacket. Apparently, the moment Natsuki feared the most was happening in the most unexpected circumstance.
-x-
It was already one in the morning when Natsuki stirred up from her deep slumber. Heaving a long sigh, she wiped the little beads of sweat in her forehead as she sat up on her bed. Migraine was building inside of her that it was hard to focus on anything. A groan escaped her lips alerting the two people in the kitchen.
As she glanced up, she was met by Mai whose large amethyst eyes were red and puffy. Her emerald eyes then moved to Mai's companion. It was Yohko, her doctor. Confusion clouded her mind as to why her doctor would be here when in a flash, she had recalled everything that had happened earlier. She inwardly cursed as she closed her emerald eyes.
There was a moment of silence as Mai and Yohko continued to stare at her. Natsuki then sighed deeply as her emerald eyes settled on both of them, particularly at Mai.
"I assume you now know…" She trailed off.
"Oh Natsuki!" Mai could not anymore control her emotions as she ran towards the sitting woman and hugged her fiercely, burying her face on Natsuki's shoulders. Tears started falling uncontrollably in her eyes as she cried her heart out. "H-how could you… how could you do this to us, Natsuki?" Mai complained in between sobs.
It was heartbreaking.
A single tear slowly rolled down Natsuki's cheeks at Mai's pained voice. The secret she was keeping from everyone including Shizuru was finally revealed and she felt like everything was now falling into pieces.
"What else is there to say…" She said rhetorically as she buried her face in her palms. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes and her heart was being crushed into million pieces as Mai continued to cry in anguish.
"Unfair…" Mai spoke agonizingly. "This is so unfair, Natsuki."
Natsuki patted Mai's head. "I'm sorry Mai. I'm sorry that you have to know all this… nonsense." She whispered sadly as she blinked back the tears welling up in her eyes.
Mai suddenly pulled back to stare at Natsuki. "W-what are you talking about?" She asked in disbelief. "So you never plan to tell us anything… at all!?"
Silence emanated between them as Natsuki's emerald eyes focused on anything but Mai.
"Damn it Natsuki! All this time…" Mai wiped her stubborn tears with the back of her hand. "All this time, I thought we are all a family!" She yelled furiously as she gripped Natsuki's shoulders.
Her body was shaking in both anger and frustration as she looked at the silent raven-haired woman. Mai could not believe that Natsuki didn't even consider them as a family. Family should be one's support and strength especially in dire situations. Family was supposed to be one's strong backbone particularly in times of struggle. Family should be there through thick and thin.
Isn't that what a family is supposed to be? Supporting each other no matter the situation?
Apparently, Mai was sorely mistaken. Unfortunately, they were not important enough for the raven-haired woman to share her secrets with. They were not worthy enough to know the truth about her health condition. Truth be told, Natsuki never viewed them as a family.
Mai resignedly dropped her hands to her side as she backed away from her friend. "Well… I guess now I know…" She spoke. "Now I know what we truly meant to you." She nodded her head as she tried to fight back the tears that welled up inside her eyes. "Apparently, we are nothing to you, Natsuki." A look of hurt flashed across Mai's face as she proceeded to stand up.
"No…" Natsuki shook her head as she held Mai's arm effectively halting her. "That's not true…" She whispered pleadingly. Sad emerald eyes stared at those melancholic amethyst eyes.
"You are all… a family to me." Natsuki admitted in a strained voice. "You, Mikoto, Chie, Aoi, even that nasty Nao" She smiled weakly. "…and of course Shizuru. You are all that I have." She paused as she took in a deep breath. "You are all important to me. And I would be forever grateful to have all of you."
Mai put her hand on top of Natsuki's. "Then why Natsuki?" Mai choked back the tears. "Why wouldn't you tell us? Why do you have to hide this from us? Why must you carry this burden all by yourself?" Mai was so overwhelmed that she slumped on the floor as she buried her face on Natsuki's lap. "We are here… for you. Don't push us away. Please… please Natsuki."
"If only it's that easy…" Natsuki bit her lip. "Trust me Mai, I would have told all of you. But that's not the case."
Mai looked up to meet her gaze. "W-what do you mean?"
"I'm dying." Natsuki's voice broke. She couldn't anymore hold back her tears as the floodgates had finally opened. Mai was too stunned with the news that she staggered backward and fell on the floor. She shakily covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sobs wanting to escape her lips.
For a while, the two of them allowed the tears in their eyes to speak what they were feeling. Emotions were high. Words would not even be enough to express the overwhelming sorrow reigning in their hearts. As Natsuki glanced at Mai, she knew Mai deserved an explanation. Bracing herself, she had to re-live the pain in order to tell her the truth.
"Mai, I'm dying. My time is slowly ticking away…" She exhaled deeply. "The first time I heard about my sickness, everything hurts. My head felt like a ticking time bomb ready to explode any minute. My heart… it felt as if there were thousand knives stabbing my heart over and over again. My body crumbled at the weight and gravity of that drastic news." She briefly paused to wipe her tear-stained cheek.
"This daily struggle… it was almost unbearable knowing my life is slowly slipping away, knowing I won't be with the people I love for much longer, knowing my time is limited. Each day I live was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing to know I still have that little time I could spend with everyone. At the same time, it was a curse knowing anytime could be my last breath. This is too much suffering. There is too much pain." Natsuki slowly got up from her bed and reached out to Mai. "That is why I keep this little secret to myself. I don't want any of you to suffer because of me. That is how important you all are to me."
Mai was still in a state of shock. She was shaking badly while Natsuki helped her to stand up. Yohko assisted them then brought in two glasses of water, putting it on the nearby desk. Upon seeing the doctor, Mai instantly grabbed her arm.
"Yohko, please. Tell me you can do something!" She begged her. "Please, save Natsuki! You're a doctor right? Please, DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" Mai was already yelling as she gripped Yohko's arm hardly. She was losing her grip as her mind couldn't accept the reality.
It took Natsuki a moment before she was able to release Mai's steely grasp from her doctor. She embraced her devastated friend firmly running her hand on the small of Mai's back. "I'm sorry Mai. But there is nothing that can be done. Nothing can save me."
"I…" Mai hiccupped. "I'm sorry Natsuki… I wish, I wish there is something I can do…"
"Shhh…." Natsuki continued to rub soothing circles at Mai's back. "Don't apologize. It's me who has to apologize to you Mai. I'm sorry for putting you through all this trouble."
"Actually…" Yohko started. "There is something we can do."
At those words, Mai jerked her head at the doctor, pulling herself away from Natsuki and focusing her full attention at Yohko. "What? Tell me."
Yohko hesitated seeing Natsuki shaking her head. Mai followed the doctor's line of sight then frowned at her friend. "What is it Natsuki?"
She sighed as she shoved her raven hair. "That is hopeless Mai. Please don't give her false hope Yohko."
"If only you'll listen to me Natsuki." Yohko insisted.
"Enough!" Natsuki screamed angrily. "Didn't you specifically tell me there is only five to ten per cent chance of surviving? In other words, there is a freaking big, big, big possibility of me still dying. So what's the point of going through all this mess?"
Finally understanding the situation, Mai walked towards her and cupped Natsuki's cheeks, looking deeply into those emerald eyes. "Hope is the point of going through all this mess. Be it five per cent, four, two, one or even less than one per cent Natsuki, it still meant a chance of surviving. There is still that smallest glimmer of hope and you have to fight for it." Mai wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Please Natsuki, don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on us."
After a while, she smiled encouragingly when she saw Natsuki bobbing her head in agreement finally giving in to Yohko's suggestion.
Mai then glanced at Yohko. "What do we have to do?"
"Three days from now, an agent from Searrs will fly to America. She is my close friend and I can make the necessary arrangement for Natsuki to go with her. Once she's in LA, my friend will take care of everything. I just need a confirmation so I could call her now."
As Natsuki processed that information, her resolve suddenly wavered. Her emerald eyes then focused on the small blue box now resting on night stand beside her bed.
"Natsuki?" Yohko called.
"Natsuki?" Mai also called. Only when Mai touched her arm did she get her attention. "Are you okay Natsuki?"
She briefly looked at Mai. "I'm fine." She lied. Glancing back to Yohko, she asked. "How about after Christmas?"
"You're getting worse and it will only worsen the longer you delay it. I'm sorry but it cannot be after Christmas."
She again glanced back at the blue box and her heart clenched in misery. She walked towards the night stand and held the box in her hand. She promised herself she would fulfill Shizuru's wish this Christmas by proposing to her. She even went the trouble of designing the hearts-on-fire ring and had it done and shipped to her before Christmas. Now that it had finally arrived, the ironic thing was that she wouldn't be able to give it to Shizuru if she were to leave three days from now.
Mai, noticing the Natsuki's conflicted emotions, placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "I'm sure Shizuru will understand. Just tell her."
After some deep thinking, she slowly turned around and faced Mai. "Promise me, you'll never tell her. Please, Shizuru doesn't need to know."
Mai's eyes widened in shock. "What!? Are you crazy?"
Natsuki shoved her silky raven hair in frustration. "I don't want to hurt her…"
"You are already hurting her by keeping this from her. She needs to know."
"What for?" She asked impatiently. "The truth will only hurt Shizuru even more, knowing there is nothing she can do for me. She doesn't deserve to feel my suffering. She doesn't need to know of my struggles. She doesn't have to sacrifice everything just for my sake. I will own up my pain. I will carry this burden myself. So please Mai, let me protect Shizuru from myself. She means so much to me. I love her so much. That's why you have to promise me... your silence."
Mai could only stare at her in disbelief. "So how do you plan on telling her that you are leaving?"
With a heavy heart, Natsuki hid the blue box inside her pocket then met Mai's gaze.
"I'll break up with her."
-x-
A/N: Happy New Year! Sorry for the long delay. Totally forgot I have ongoing fics. Anyway, I'm back! So, I wonder who suffered more? Was it Shizuru when Natsuki broke up with her? Or was it Natsuki when she hid the truth from Shizuru? As always, thank you. Cheers!