Chapter 6 – Best birthday gift
A/N: Yep, I hear you guys. Early valentines gift to y'all! Well, just sharing some song inspirations in doing this chapter. Feel free to listen as you read: Uninvited by Alanis Morissette and I'll Never Love This Way Again by Dionne Warwick. Enjoy.
-x-
6:00AM December 19, 2017
This is it.
Natsuki slapped her face with both her hands a few times trying to divert her attention from the negative thoughts plaguing her mind to focus rather on her girlfriend's surprise birthday party. In two hours, Mai and others would be coming by for some last minute preparations before Shizuru arrived. However, her thoughts kept on circling on the conversation she had with Mai just hours earlier.
"What? You'll break up with her!?" Mai repeated exasperatingly, her eyes wide in disbelief. "Are you out of your mind!?" She paced back and forth trying to calm herself lest she would lash out rough words at her.
She could understand that Natsuki wanted to spare Shizuru of the harsh truth but Shizuru was not a kid who needed protection. For effing's sake, Shizuru was Natsuki's partner! She deserved to know everything that was happening to Natsuki no matter how difficult or painful the situation was. If there was someone who should know all the more, it should have been Shizuru because they were committed to each other. And to make matters worse, Natsuki wasn't only planning on hiding the truth about her health condition but she also planned on breaking up with her. This was just horribly painful.
This is unbelievable! This is crap! Mai was beyond herself as she glared angrily at Natsuki. "How could you do this to Shizuru, huh Natsuki?"
What should one say when there was no right answer to a million-dollar question? Silence. Natsuki could only offer silence as she looked away from those blazing amethyst eyes. Do I even have a choice? Natsuki wanted to retort back but bit her lip before words tumble out of her mouth. There was no use arguing anyway. She had made up her mind and her decision was final. After all, nothing that her friend would say could change her mind.
Mai sighed loudly in frustration. She had to think to convince her to reconsider. She knew it was up to her to save their relationship from the brink of destruction. Inhaling deeply, she composed herself as she walked towards her and held both her hands in her own. Her amethyst eyes were now pleading as she looked into those pitiful emerald eyes.
"Please, you don't have do this. Both of you would just end up hurting and suffering." Tears again ran down her cheeks and she swallowed hard before continuing. "…Just tell her the truth and give her a chance to fight this battle together with you. You don't have to own this burden by yourself. You have Shizuru. She loves you so much. I know that you know that."
Natsuki bit her lip shakily as those words hit a raw nerve. She held back those tears. The pain in her heart was unrivalled to the point she badly wished she would be numb so she wouldn't have to feel. Shizuru was her world. She was her lifeline. She was her salvation. Unfortunately, time was a cheater. Time was liar. It was ticking noisily. It was counting down. And soon enough, it would slow down and finally stop moving when her time was up.
"It's better this way." Natsuki whispered sadly. Unconsciously, her hand reached to her heart. "Sooner or later, I would have to let her go anyway… with my condition worsening. In the end, I'll have to say goodbye."
It was silly of her to think that she would have enough time to fulfill Shizuru's wish before she even had to say goodbye. The first time she was diagnosed with congestive cardiomyopathy a few months ago, her mind suddenly turned blank as if her world had just collapsed. It was a disorder affecting the heart muscle resulting to insufficient supply of oxygenated blood throughout the body. At the early stages, Natsuki wasn't showing any symptoms of the said condition until lately where she began to have difficulty in breathing, chest discomfort and dizziness. It was a progressive disease that could worsen over time especially if it remained untreated.
This kind of sickness had poor prognosis with very little percentage of patients surviving longer than two years. Her initial medical check-up showed that she would probably be able to live two to three years max. But with the recent events transpiring, Natsuki's health condition eventually deteriorated faster than a speeding bullet. She was experiencing breathlessness multiple times as if her chest was getting constricted.
As it turned out after her last check-up, her heart was working poorly than expected and Yohko was not liking this. It was the first time she had seen a patient with this condition worsening in just a span of three months. Unfortunate as it was, she had to let Natsuki know the truth that in a worst case scenario, she would only have three to six months to live.
Yohko was a famous cardiologist throughout Japan having worked in the US military base for few years before finally settling down in Tokyo, Japan. She had become associated with big names in the medical society having established her superb excellence and skills in the field of medicine. She had become involved as well with multi-billion top secret organizations having high-end facilities and advanced technologies to develop medicines against all types of incurable diseases.
Searrs organization was one of them. Yohko had worked for them for a year and she had already seen wonders on how Searrs was profoundly finding innovative treatments particularly to those with hopeless cases. Even when she was not working there anymore, she had kept in touch with Midori, a trusted and reliable redheaded colleague who visited her in Japan from time to time.
Be it fate or coincidence, Midori was having a medical conference in Japan for two days before flying back to America again. And Yohko instantly phoned her when she received the news that the redhead was in Japan. Without divulging any confidential matters, she had discussed with her the possibility of treating a very progressive congestive heart disease.
Having heard of this, Midori became excited. She was the type of person who loved challenges especially the hard ones. Until that moment, there was no known cure to cardiomyopathy. It could only be managed with some lifestyle changes and supporting medications but with a very progressive type of disease such as with Natsuki, one could only hope for a miracle.
Nonetheless, Midori was all the more thrilled to work on this new case despite her tons of workload when she got back home. After all, this favor came from her favorite person Yohko and she would never deny her of anything. She had of course discussed with her the mortality rate as well as the risks involved if they were to proceed with the treatment and Yohko promised to get back to her if the patient would agree to such terms and conditions.
And now, after finally having Natsuki's confirmation, she fished for her phone in her pocket and hit speed dial. In no time, Midori picked it up and Yohko had relayed the news that her patient finally agreed to continue her treatment in the Searrs facility in US.
Both Natsuki and Mai could hear the excitement on the other line upon hearing Yohko's voice. Either she was excited to hear the doctor's voice or she was thrilled to finally have the patient's confirmation, no one knew. However, one thing was noticeable – Yohko seemed to be very optimistic that Searrs would again transcend the medical boundaries and tap unlimited possibilities for serious cases like Natsuki's.
Mai felt relieved upon hearing Yohko's perspective. She looked at Natsuki with a small smile. "See? You have to believe that you will get well. So don't ever think of saying goodbye! There is hope."
However, the sentiments of the two wasn't shared by the raven-haired woman herself. She briefly glanced at Yohko who just finished her call before returning her gaze back to Mai. "Let's be real. I have ten per cent or worse, five per cent chance of surviving which meant I have ninety to ninety-five probability of dying." She paused as she gulped down a lump in her throat. Saying this felt as if she was closer to death than she really was. It was a torture.
"I'd rather let her go and forget me now than for my memories to haunt her forever. She would have to forget me. And soon enough, she would be able to find someone who will replace me." She choked back her tears as she said it. "She would live a happy life. She has to. Because that is what she deserves." Then glancing down at her trembling hands, "And as for me, I will be nothing but a nightmare of her past. A past she would not even remember."
Mai's heart was breaking into pieces listening to Natsuki. Tears again flooded her amethyst eyes just thinking about what Natsuki wanted to happen. It was a stupid and selfish decision in her opinion. Natsuki had already decided for both of them without giving Shizuru the chance to speak for herself. She was choosing to end their relationship on her assumption that the brunette would be able to move on and continue with her life even without Natsuki on it. Natsuki was so focused on ensuring the brunette's happiness that she failed to realize she was Shizuru's happiness.
"Is this what you really want, Natsuki?" Mai sincerely asked. She was there when things started between the two of them. She watched both of them fall in love, argue from time to time, reconcile and fall in love again. She watched both of them overcoming trials after trials, withstanding anything that came their way. As time flew by, she could feel their love for each other was getting deeper and stronger. And whenever she looked at them so happy and contented in each other's arms, she was convinced they would last forever. In her heart, she just knew it. Natsuki and Shizuru were made for each other.
So what happened to that? Where was the love that bonded them together through thick and thin? Wasn't this just another trial that they have to overcome? And since when did forever become time-bound? Natsuki, why are you giving up so easily?
Natsuki was torn. Her mind wanted to say yes because that was the best of course of action given the worst case scenario. It would be for Shizuru's best interest that she had to say goodbye now than make the brunette suffer from losing her forever. However, her heart wanted to say no because Shizuru was everything to her. Shizuru filled the void in her heart and replaced her loneliness with unending happiness. The brunette had done nothing but show how much she deeply loved her, be it through her words or actions. There was not a single moment where the brunette had failed to express her sincere affection to her – Shizuru saying 'I love you, Natsuki', Shizuru embracing her tenderly, Shizuru placing a soft kiss on her lips, Shizuru sweetly teasing her, Shizuru comforting her soothingly, Shizuru caressing her lovingly, Shizuru vowing to protect her with her own life.
She broke down as those memories flooded her. It was all too much for Natsuki to take. She wanted nothing more than just to be with Shizuru. She wanted to stay in Shizuru's life as long as she could. She wanted to remain in Shizuru's arms forever. And yet, these were nothing but her wishful thinking. She knew she had to let go of Shizuru. It was the only way to make her suffer less. She had to free Shizuru.
Mai enveloped her friend in her arms as Natsuki's bottled up emotions exploded unrestrictedly. She could feel the raw emotions surfacing as Natsuki screamed in pain and anguish. Watching Natsuki clutching her heart while grieving tore her apart. There was nothing she could do to make the heartache go away. There were no words to say that would pacify a broken person. However, she did the only thing she could do best – she held her and stayed by Natsuki's side.
It took a while before Natsuki's wailing turned into silent sniffles. As Natsuki glanced up at Mai, she spoke hoarsely. "Mai… you have to promise…" The orange-haired girl looked at her intently, eagerly waiting for her to continue. "if you see me backing out of my words…" Mai suddenly turned distraught. "…you have to force me." Her jaw dropped. What the…?
"Lend me your strength to do this." Her husky voice cracked. Her puffy green eyes were pleading. "I need to protect Shizuru, please. I beg you."
Mai was at a loss for words. Natsuki still wanted to push through with the break up despite the searing agony in her heart just thinking of losing Shizuru. She wanted to slap some sense to her friend honestly. She just couldn't comprehend Natsuki's actions. Is Shizuru not worth the truth?
"Natsuki…" Mai breathed deeply. "What's stopping you from telling Shizuru the truth? Do you think she would be grateful if you let her go? Do you honestly think she would be happier with someone else? Wake up from your illusions Natsuki. Shizuru is madly in love with you. There is no other for her except you."
"Mai!" Natsuki shouted deafeningly. Her eyes turned dark and scary. "Why can't you understand? Shizuru will suffer more if she would stay on with me. She would no doubt give up everything she had worked so hard just for my sake! She would lose all she has now just to attend to my medical needs. Can't you see? I'm just gonna hold her back from her dreams. I'm just a deadweight pulling her down from her goals. I will be nothing but a burden to her. And I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not gonna drag her down with me in the world of pain."
"You are the one not understanding Natsuki." Mai insisted stubbornly despite Natsuki's outrage. "If I were Shizuru, no second thoughts, no questions asked – I would choose you even if that meant ruining my career and everything that's riding on it. I'll willingly give up everything if it meant having you because Natsuki, you are worth more than all other things combined. That's how important you are to Shizuru. If she means the world to you, then so are you to her. Shizuru's world is revolving around you and only to you."
Natsuki shook her head. "Put yourself in my situation. Would you enjoy seeing the one you love suffer just because of you? Would your guilt not eat you away whenever you see the struggles they have to face because of you?" Natsuki paused as she took a deep breath. Soon enough, you all will get tired of me… Loving me would become a burden too much to carry.
Mai wanted badly to disagree but Natsuki continued talking. "Mai, we could argue for hours and my decision would remain the same. S-Shizuru deserves nothing but happiness. And I could not give that happiness to her." She smiled weakly at her. "I'm sorry Mai. I know I'm asking too much from you." She inhaled deeply. "I guess… just this one… for the last time, promise me…" She held back the tears in her eyes. "…you'll look after Shizuru when I'm gone."
Her thoughts were disrupted as her phone vibrated loudly on the kitchen countertop bringing her back to reality. She dragged herself out of the couch and picked up the phone. Swiftly glancing at the caller, she unconsciously smiled as she pressed the green button to accept the call then walked back to slouch on the sofa again.
"Hey Shiz" She greeted warmly.
"Ara, ara." A melodious voice on the other side rang in Natsuki's ears. It was so sexy. Natsuki's heart already fluttered with just those words. "What a surprise! My darling sleepyhead is already up." She teased sweetly earning a loud snort from the raven-haired woman. Natsuki could clearly imagine the brunette chuckling beautifully, her crimson eyes swirling with mirth.
"I'm always such an early riser." She answered back with a laugh.
"Did you miss me?" Aww, Natsuki's heart thumped again. Of course she missed Shizuru like crazy! Oh and there she was, lying on the sofa grinning like an idiot as she held the phone in her ears. Times like this made Natsuki forget all the troubles and issues she was currently facing. It was as if hearing Shizuru's voice was enough to wash away all her worries in a blink of an eye.
"I miss you, sweetheart." Natsuki whispered sincerely. "I really miss you. When will you be home?"
Ara! She called me sweetheart! My adorable Natsuki knows just how to make me smile! Shizuru blushed upon hearing those words. In their seven years of relationship, Natsuki rarely expressed endearment towards her. She usually settled on calling her Shizuru or Shiz. And she got no problems with that at all. But from time to time, it would be nice to hear Natsuki addressing her affectionately.
"Ara, my poor baby… Don't worry I'll wrap up my work quickly and should probably be home in about three hours." The brunette said as she looked on her wristwatch. "Or if you want, you can meet me in my office and we can eat breakfast at Mai's 24/7 diner?"
"Err…" Natsuki scratched her cheek. "Sorry Shiz, I'm not in the mood to go out and drive around today… playing some video games…" she lied smoothly.
Shizuru hid her disappointment. She was actually hoping Natsuki would pick her up so she could spend time with her soon. Apparently, video game was more important for the younger woman than seeing her.
"Ara, I understand Natsuki." Shizuru said patiently. "I'll see you home then, yes?"
"Yeah, I'll see you soon Shiz." Natsuki replied.
Shizuru could feel that their conversation would soon be ending and Natsuki was about to drop the call when she called her. "Natsuki?"
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you forgetting anything?" Shizuru asked, her accent getting more pronounced whenever she was anxious.
Natsuki smirked. She knew that Shizuru was waiting for her to greet her happy birthday. And it would be a dead giveaway if she greeted her and yet didn't feel like going out. Shizuru was smart. She would instantly know that they had prepared something for her at home. Again, she had to lie.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Natsuki asked not-so-innocently. "Is there something wrong?"
Shizuru again felt frustrated. How could you forget today is my birthday Natsuki? Meanie! She thought glumly. Nonetheless, despite her frustration, she forced herself to be happy that she would soon see Natsuki at home. It was such a long, tiring day for her after all.
She cleared her throat. "Ara, it was nothing important. Do not worry about it, my baby." She lightly answered.
Already practicing your lies on her?
A dark voice rang in her mind and Natsuki suddenly felt guilty. All the sad thoughts instantly overwhelmed her and she bit her lips to stifle herself from crying loudly. Tears flooded her vision as she stared at the ceiling blankly. She brought her right hand over her eyes shielding them from the blinding lights coming from the rays of the sun streaming through the windows. Her other hand trembled as she continued to hold the phone in her ear.
"I love you Natsuki." Shizuru said happily.
"I…" Natsuki's voice faltered. Shizuru heard it – the change in Natsuki's voice. It was as if she was crying. She became alarmed.
"N-Natsuki?" She asked worriedly as she pressed the phone closer to her ear as if doing so would let her hear more of Natsuki's voice. "Are you okay, baby? You're not crying, are you?"
Natsuki swallowed hard and forced herself to calm down. She should not worry Shizuru like this. It would ruin their surprise party for her. It felt like forever as Shizuru waited when it was only a good few seconds when Natsuki finally responded.
"Who says I'm crying over a losing video game?" It was a lame one but hey, she did cry angrily when there was a power outage and she hadn't saved the progress in a game that she spent so many hours with. Hopefully, the brunette would bite that lame excuse.
Shizuru doubted it initially but then remembered that one time Natsuki did cry and was in a bad mood all day. She had to cancel all her plans that day to cheer her broken-hearted puppy. She recalled having ordered her favorite mayonnaise to suppress Natsuki's tantrums. And it actually worked.
"Stupid game." Shizuru heard Natsuki muttered annoyingly over the phone and she felt relieved. Natsuki must have lost a game badly and good thing that Shizuru just knew exactly what to do.
"Ara, my Natsuki. I'm sorry to hear that. Please don't cry, my baby." Shizuru spoke soothingly. "Once I'm home I'll prepare some sandwich for you with your favorite mayo on it. Maybe my sandwich is all you need to win this game, yes?" Shizuru said sweetly.
Tears again stung her eyes the more she listened to Shizuru. Every lies she gave to her were received and reciprocated with love. Shoot Natsuki, you are such an ass. Mai is right. How could I do this to Shizuru? She had done nothing but give me love and affection in exchange for my lies and deception. Good thing I will be out of her life soon. Just bear with me for a little longer Shizuru. Bear with my lies for few more days. It'll be over soon.
"I love you, Natsuki." Shizuru again repeated.
Natsuki knew that Shizuru was waiting for her to speak those words too. And against her better judgment, she caved in. "I-I love you… so much Shizuru." Her deep husky voice sounded gruff as she choke back her tears.
I love you forever Shizuru. Even when I am gone from your life, I will love you endlessly. Even when you fall in love with someone else and forget about me, I'll never forget about you. Even with my last dying breath, your name would be the last thing I'll ever say. Even when I become nothing but dust, my heart only belongs to you. I'm glad you have come to my life. I'm grateful to you because you complete me, Shizuru.
And as Shizuru dropped the call, Shizuru couldn't wait to be with Natsuki. She would hold her in her arms tightly and shower her with kisses. It would be the best medicine for her as she pulled an all-nighter to finish all her pending workloads. Natsuki was like a drug to her – addicting and dangerously tempting. Just thinking of the raven-haired beauty brought a tingling sensation in her heart. She would soon see the love of her life. Oh Natsuki.
-x-
After two hours, Mai, Mikoto, Nao, Aoi and Chie had finally arrived. As requested by Natsuki, Chie had brought a bouquet of lovely white roses while Aoi held a box full of chocolates. Mai carried a big lunch box divided into four sections – sushi rolls, fried pork and chicken meats, veggies and some delicious looking desserts. Mikoto was carrying a pot full of miso soup. Nao brought some expensive-looking booze.
Natsuki was surprised to see them all in a good mood. Well, except for Mai who knew the truth. She wondered what the orange-haired woman had told all of them that they weren't even bombarding her with questions about what happened yesterday. Apparently, whatever lies Mai had said must be convincing enough to be accepted by everyone without questions. She glanced at Mai who gave her a meaningful look as if saying 'I got it covered, just as you requested'. She could only offer her a weak smile as she nodded her head gratefully.
Chie slowly circled Natsuki in a mischievous sort of way while Nao clapped Natsuki's shoulder with her free hand. Aoi smirked significantly as her blue eyes twinkled in delight. Mikoto on the other hand gave her a thumbs up. Natsuki raised her eyebrows at all of them.
Okay, this is definitely weird. Natsuki again turned her head to Mai who simply shrugged as if saying 'this is the best I can do for you, so suck it up'.
"So…" Chie started as she put down the flowers on the countertop then looked back at Natsuki. "Spill it." She grinned from ear to ear. "How many times in a day?"
"Spill what?" She looked confused.
"Come on mutt!" Nao rolled her eyes. "We heard a bit from Mai. But now, we want to hear the uncut version. Go on, entertain us." She said as she sat on the couch and crossed her leg while her lime green eyes settled amusingly at Natsuki.
"Really, I have no idea what you guys are talking about." Natsuki said. Actually, she hadn't a clue what Mai had told them.
Aoi suddenly coughed that sounded like 'excuses' causing everyone to laugh heartily. After Mikoto dropped the pot soup in the kitchen, she went to Natsuki and tap her arm while grinning. "It's okay really. You don't have to be shy."
Natsuki's eyebrows furrowed into one single line. She again glanced back at Mai helplessly. Mai, what did you even say to them?
Mai sighed loudly. "I just relayed to them what the doctor had said."
"And that is?" Natsuki further probed.
Nao was never known for her patience. She groaned irritatingly. "That you are an anemic mutt but you still keep on making love with Shizuru every single day! Geez, no wonder you'll collapse!"
"Must be paradise for Natsuki to be a masochist!" Chie butted in as she fixed her glasses on her face. "Guilty pleasure, hey?" She winked at Natsuki.
Natsuki's jaw dropped and she instantly turned bright red. Her emerald eyes narrowed at Mai accusingly. Really Mai?
Mai's eyes bulged. "Hey, I only said that you are anemic that is why you are feeling weak and faintish!"
Aoi giggled. "And we just connected the dots." She showed her left index finger connecting to her right index finger forming one straight line.
"I admire your bravado, Natsuki!" Chie hooted.
"RESPECT!" Mikoto mock-saluted as she shouted mischievously then gave high five to a laughing Chie.
Natsuki shook her head in disbelief. "Idiots!" She hissed under her breath as she glared at each one in turn.
Well, it was actually a good development. Better than expected in Natsuki's opinion. Mai did a great job coming up with that anemia to divert them away from the truth. The symptoms of anemia were surprisingly similar as her cardiomyopathy and it was no wonder that everyone accepted Mai's words as the truth. She felt guilty for making Mai lie to everyone but at the same time, she was very much grateful. Yes, it is better this way.
They kept on nagging a blushing Natsuki until Mai hushed them all pointing at her wristwatch and telling everyone to get back to work. The raven-haired beauty again nodded gratefully at Mai's direction lest she'd die of embarrassment from their continuous teasing. In twenty minutes, Shizuru would be arriving.
-x-
Shizuru breathed deeply as her conference call finally finished. She was beyond exhausted. She couldn't believe she had to work on her birthday! There had been an urgent board meeting and she was the CEO so it was inevitable. And as she closed her crimson eyes, a certain emerald-eyed woman popped in her mind. I will see you soon, my Natsuki. I can't wait to be with you. She again giggled as she remembered Natsuki calling her sweetheart. It was more than enough to make her fall in love with Natsuki all over again. It was a good feeling. No, it was a great feeling – to love and be loved by the person she most treasured.
Although she was disappointed Natsuki forgot it was her birthday today, Natsuki calling her sweetheart still made her day. Yes, these were just little things that maybe Natsuki didn't even realize herself, but these simple affections from Natsuki could make Shizuru smile throughout the day no matter how tired and weary she was.
She never thought it was ever possible that they would become a couple. Back then, she was already contented being just a best friend to Natsuki. Being with her, talking to her, laughing and then arguing with her, it was enough for Shizuru. But as time passed by, her love for Natsuki kept on growing to the point it was hard to suppress her true feelings. Good thing Shizuru was the master of her emotions and she could hide her real self under her beautiful façade.
Not until that one memorable night. They were playing truth or dare. Natsuki bravely chose dare. And with Nao in the picture, she challenged Natsuki in a kissing game. Her heart stopped when an embarrassed Natsuki sat in front of her. She kind of expected that Natsuki would choose her but she never really gave it much thought until that moment that her Natsuki was really right in front of her. In fact, she thought that Natsuki would back out and choose truth instead. Oh well, Shizuru was not one to complain!
As Natsuki shut her eyes and slowly inched her face towards her, Shizuru's crimson eyes widened for a second as it dawned on her that Natsuki would really kiss her. Her heart started beating fast as she watched Natsuki getting closer by the second. She glanced at those full red lips coming her way – those lips she secretly wished to taste, those lips she secretly hope to feel, that mouth she secretly crave to explore.
And as Natsuki's lips crushed on hers, Shizuru's mind short-circuited as it focused on nothing but those lips touching hers. Ara, how soft are your lips Natsuki, how luscious they actually taste. Initially, Natsuki's kiss was shy and sloppy. Well, Shizuru must have figured out it was the younger woman's first kiss given the inexperienced way she the kissed her. Eventually, her kisses became more curious and bolder as she pulled the brunette closer and kissed her hungrily. As if that wasn't enough, Natsuki was pushing her limit when her tongue forced its way inside Shizuru's mouth.
Natsuki exploring her mouth was the last straw for Shizuru as she gave in to her real feelings for the younger woman. Throwing caution to the wind, she closed her crimson eyes and kissed her back with as much passion. Oh how she wished time would freeze this moment as the brunette knew that once they pulled away from each other, this wonderful dream would be over. So while she could, she would ingrain this feeling, this moment, this one memorable night in her heart.
The need to breathe forced the two to break apart from each other signaling the end of Shizuru's fairy tale fantasy. However, the look that Natsuki was giving her sent tingles in her heart as the younger woman leaned her forehead on her. Natsuki? Is it possible you feel the same way I do?
Just as her hopes were getting up, it was instantly crushed when Natsuki said they were not dating. Shizuru is my best friend. There's no way we are… together.
There was a flicker of sadness in those crimson eyes as she stared at Natsuki for a brief second. The latter glanced her way just enough to see that unexplainable look in the brunette's face before Shizuru completed masked them in her smile. Shizuru, get ahold of yourself! Just as Natsuki had clearly said, there's no way… so stop holding on to your stupid dreams. The kiss was nothing more than just a game. It's just a dare. It meant nothing.
Yes, Shizuru again hid under her mighty façade. But Natsuki had already scratched that strong foundation when she kissed her, leaving a dent in that unbreakable mask. So how the heck should she get over it that easily when she had already touched, tasted and felt those lips of the one she loved the most? I needed to know. For one last time, I needed a confirmation of what we really are, Natsuki. Who am I to you? Am I just your best friend? Or are we more than that?
Bracing herself, she asked her quietly. 'Tell me honestly, would you like me to forget about the kiss?' And she had regretted it deeply when Natsuki answered yes and reiterated that the kiss was just a dare. It broke her heart hearing those words that tears stung her eyes as she moved away from Natsuki. But at the last second, her brain froze and her heart thumped erratically when their lips met again and she was pinned in between Natsuki's strong arms. This time Natsuki's kiss was sensual and demanding that she moaned softly into that kiss. Shizuru then turned bright red as Natsuki spoke the words she thought she could only hear in her wildest dreams – Damn it Shizuru, I love you. I really do.
It was truly nostalgic as Shizuru reminisced that one memorable night because that moment was where it all started. Since then, Natsuki had become such a good kisser that the brunette couldn't get enough of it. As she stood up and headed out of her office, she reminded herself that she would buy Natsuki her favorite mayo before heading home. My Natsuki, you should shower me with your tenderly kisses as your way of saying thank you! And I'll make sure you make it up to me for forgetting my birthday! Fufufu.
After a short while, Shizuru got out of the elevator on the seventh floor and headed to their unit. As she pushed open the door, it was eerily quiet and dark that she had to adjust her eyes so she could roam them on the dark interior of their living room. Confusion dawned on her as Natsuki was supposed to be home given that the latter didn't even want to drive or go out.
Her hand blindly searched on the wall to flick on the light when a movement along the kitchen caught her attention. Quickly turning on the light, her crimson eyes went wide and her hand flew to her mouth to cover her shock when she saw a charming Natsuki in her white tee holding a bouquet of white roses.
Natsuki grinned mischievously at her seeing her surprised expression and then she started singing a slow happy birthday song as she went towards Shizuru. There was a banner on the wall saying 'Happy Birthday, Shizuru. I love you' that glowed in glittering red. Colorful balloons were scattered on the floor. On the far right stood a projector screen while on the left side stood a large wooden table filled with delectable food and desserts.
Chie appeared after Natsuki holding a handheld camera as she took a video of the couple. Mai and Mikoto came out from the kitchen holding similar banner as the one on the wall while Aoi and Nao was carrying a life-sized fluffy brown teddy bear.
Shizuru was extremely caught off-guard with the surprise party. She really thought that Natsuki had totally forgotten her birthday as she seemed nonchalant and busy with her videogames. Glancing around the living room, she knew that all of them must have worked so hard to put up all these decorations and prepare all the food on the table. Organizing a surprise party required time, effort and resources to make it successful.
And seeing all her friends gathered around together with her most precious Natsuki brought tears of happiness in her crimson eyes. She had become so speechless that she had to fan herself with her hand to get over the shock. Everybody was looking at her with big smiles on their faces. The Oddball's mission was a success seeing Shizuru so happy while crying.
Natsuki stood in front of her as she finished singing happy birthday. She took Shizuru's hand and kissed it without breaking eye contact with her. The others were loudly cheering in the background, bringing warm smiles to the blushing couple. Natsuki then handed the white roses to Shizuru who accepted it gracefully. The raven-haired woman then wiped away those tears with her thumb as she gently tucked some stray strands of hair behind the brunette's ears.
"Happy Birthday, my love." Natsuki shyly said as she placed a soft kiss on Shizuru's lips. Again, everybody hooted noisily as they teased both of them.
Shizuru nodded gratefully at everyone then glanced at Natsuki lovingly. "Ara, thank you, my sweet darling Natsuki." She giggled softly when Natsuki turned bright red with the endearment. "You really surprised me there. I really thought you have forgotten."
Natsuki raised her eyebrow in amusement. "How could I ever forget anything about you?"
It was Shizuru's turn to blush.
"Ho ho! SMOOTH!" Nao loudly banged her hand on the table while the others chuckled.
Chie nodded. "Silver-tongue indeed!"
Natsuki turned around and hissed at them to shut up. She then glanced back at the beaming Shizuru.
"I love you Shiz" She whispered so that only the brunette could hear it. But her friends' radar were actively sensitive that they heard each word the raven-haired beauty had said.
"Aww…" Mai and Aoi both exclaimed.
"Oh no! I'm getting itchy! Help, Mai!" Mikoto pretended to scratch her skin with her hand.
"Same here!" Chie seconded. "Ants everywhere!"
"Geez! Too sweet I feel like puking!" Nao nastily commented.
Natsuki's cheeks flushed. "Shut up idiots!" They all laughed.
Everybody then proceeded towards the wooden table and started digging in Mai's delicious cooking. As they were all seated, some on the couch while others on the kitchen chairs, Chie started playing the video that she and Aoi had made for Shizuru.
Chie made a drum roll with her hand. "Presenting this special video made by yours truly" she winked as she bowed down dramatically. "and her amazing partner-in-crime, Aoi, my love" Aoi giggled and waved at everyone. "…for the one and only… Shizuru Fujino."
Shizuru smiled sweetly in acknowledgment. She was sitting beside Natsuki in the couch as they silently watched the video. It started with unique photos of Shizuru being the Kaichou in their university which proved Chie's cunning and unmatched ability to capture these moments being the gossip queen. And then the pictures of the Oddballs as they significantly became part of Shizuru's life. A group picture with all of them in it – Shizuru was locking arms with a blushing Natsuki, Mikoto was hugging a laughing Mai from behind, Chie and Aoi squeezing a grumpy-looking Nao in between as they posed with peace signs. It then progressed to show all their group outings and night outs including that captured moment where Natsuki kissed Shizuru in that truth or dare game. At the end of the video, they included a footage showing an embarrassed Natsuki walking towards a grinning Shizuru as the latter had asked her to sit on her lap. The video ended showing a wide-eyed Natsuki with her jaw dropping to the floor.
It was worth including that as everyone was laughing like crazy at Natsuki's expense. She glared at Chie who simply shrugged it off as if saying 'An annoyed Natsuki is fun. Shizuru loved it anway.' Everybody then finished their food as they prepared for Shizuru to blow the candles and make a birthday wish. However, Aoi interrupted saying that each one should first give their wishes to Shizuru before the latter would make a birthday wish.
Aoi started. "Shizuru, happy birthday. I wish you good health and success in your career. I know your love life is already exciting enough…thanks to Natsuki" She glanced at Natsuki meaningfully who blushed instantly. Shizuru raised her eyebrow amusingly at the exchanged looks the two shared. "…so not much to wish for you on that area. Anyway, stay pretty and amazing! We love you."
Shizuru beamed at her and whispered a 'thank you' while Chie went to the front to give her speech. She fixed her glasses on her nose then looked at Shizuru.
"To this beautiful crimson-eyed lady who stole my heart…"
"Want me to kill you?" Aoi butted in causing everyone but Chie to snicker.
"Err… correction… who stole Natsuki's heart." She winked at the raven-haired beauty before glancing back to the brunette. "Shizuru, I wish that one day you will share the secret how to be boost energy during your wet sessions!"
Everyone erupted in laughter. Natsuki quickly bolted up and threw a pillow at Chie who easily dodged it as she expected the attack. Even Shizuru was wiping some tears in her eyes as she chuckled gracefully. She should have known that nothing good would come out of Chie's mouth.
As they all quieted down, Mikoto was next. "Happy birthday Shizuru. I wish it is always your birthday so I could always taste Mai's food and watch Natsuki do a full-body blush." Again, they all snickered boisterously. Natsuki could only shake her head and roll her eyes as she muttered 'useless idiots' under her breath.
Nao was up. "Shizuru, you and I both know that you owe me big time…." The brunette looked at her amusedly. "…for giving you a puppy." Again, her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "namely Natsuki Kuga. See the tail wagging?" The annoyed raven-haired woman slapped her face with her hand. Ugh! Why is it all about me when it's Shizuru's birthday!? "Tame your drooling puppy to know you are its master especially during bedtime." She winked at her. "… if you know what I mean."
Chie hollered loudly as she dashed in the front and gave Nao a fist bump. "KILLED IT!"
Next, it was Mai's turn as she slowly stood up then faced the smiling brunette. For Natsuki's sake, she forced herself to look cheerful and bubbly. And darn right, it was freaking hard.
"Shizuru…" Mai choked on her words. She cleared her throat as she tried to smile again and blinked back tears in her eyes. Natsuki bowed her head as she also controlled her flaring emotions. "I know you're a strong woman." They locked eyes with each other. "So I wish that you continue to be stronger whatever comes your way. Remember that we are always here for you. We will be your strength in times of weakness, your source of joy in times of despair and your strong fortress in times of desolation. Again, happy birthday Shizuru."
Shizuru smiled at Mai appreciatively though there was that nagging feeling inside her chest that she could not explain. Maybe she was just tired was what she thought as she now focused her attention to her sweetheart.
It took a while before Natsuki stood up and went in front. As those emerald eyes locked on with her crimson orbs, Shizuru couldn't help but watch her in awe. She just adored this woman so, so much. And every time she looked at her, Natsuki never failed to make her heart flip with happiness. She had this overflowing love in her heart just being with Natsuki.
"Shizuru…" Just like Mai, her voice also faltered. She paused for a while to take a deep breath before continuing. "happy, happy birthday to you. Sorry if I did not greet you earlier on the phone." She grinned. "I just don't want to spoil the surprise for you." She again took another deep breath as she thought of her next words carefully. "I love you so much." Everyone started banging things loudly as they cheered the two. "I really love you with all my heart." Natsuki repeated. "And I wish nothing but happiness to you." Their eyes again met. "Because Shizuru, that is what you deserve." She went towards the sitting brunette and gave her a quick kiss.
Shortly thereafter, Mai placed the cake with some lighted candles on a small rectangular foldable table in the center of the room. Shizuru stood up and went behind the foldable table. They all began singing a happy birthday song again. As it ended, Shizuru cleared her throat to speak. Her crimson eyes stared at each one in turn until they finally landed on Natsuki.
"First of all. I want to say thank you to all of you. Ara, very impressive indeed pulling such a stunt without my knowing." She winked at Natsuki playfully. "And as for my wish," she glanced at the little candles on her chocolate cake. "…before the candles burn my cake." Everybody laughed heartily. She took a deep breath as she thought hard. "Well, to be honest, there is nothing more that I could wish for as I am already surrounded with the people I love and deeply care for." Shizuru looked at them meaningfully as she held back the tears in her eyes. "Having such wonderful friends…" She then gazed at Natsuki and smiled briefly. "…and the love of my life celebrating my birthday with me here today, what else could I ask for?" The brunette again took a deep breath. "Thank you. This is indeed the best birthday celebration in my life." Crimson orbs locked on with intense emerald eyes. "My Natsuki. Thank you, baby. I love you so much."
Upon hearing those words, Natsuki eventually relented to her emotions as she dashed towards the brunette. She cupped her cheeks, closed her eyes and kissed her so passionately. Shizuru, I love you. I love you. I love you. Please forgive me. I love you…goodbye… Tears streamed down her emerald eyes as she kissed her as if she was already giving Shizuru her final kiss and bidding her last goodbye.
Shizuru on the other hand felt extremely pleased with Natsuki's lips pressed against her. The moment their lips met, her crimson eyes automatically shut close savoring the younger woman's presence. Oh how she deeply missed this woman in her arms. How she craved to taste her, touch her, feel her. Being with Natsuki, everything just felt perfect. Natsuki, I love you. Thank you for coming into my life. I know I'll never love this way again because Natsuki, you are the only one for me. I really love you, my Natsuki. You are the best birthday gift I'll ever have.
It felt perfect, as if nothing could ever go wrong. If only… if only…
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A/N: As always, thank you for the follows and favorites. As for the reviews, thank you even more! Glad to get a glimpse of how my readers think of my story. So allow me to mention a few, At Hookedonreading, you never fail to make me smile with your generous reviews and will try (no promises) to update the other stories, yes? At ShizNation, I couldn't agree more because even Natsuki felt the same way you exactly described her, a self-centered one at that. Lastly, At ShizNat14, Ha! you are right, I never thought my stories would actually make someone happy! So yes, I love you too. *wink *wink. LOL! HAHA! Again, thank you for making me feel writing fics is not a waste of time.
A/N2: Secondly, down below is a 'deleted scene' which meant the below is not part of the original story plot, thus, so-called 'deleted scene'. I felt bad just deleting them after typing so long, so I just posted it here as such. Again take note, this is not part of the original story plot above. Read at your own risk.
DELETED SCENE
In few hours, Mai, Mikoto, Nao, Aoi and Chie had finally arrived. As requested by Natsuki, Chie had brought a bouquet of lovely white roses while Aoi held a box full of chocolates. Mai carried a big box divided into four sections – sushi rolls, fried pork and chicken meats, veggies and some delicious looking desserts. Mikoto was carrying a pot full of miso soup. Nao brought some expensive-looking booze.
They were nagging Mai when Natsuki opened the door. Apparently, the orange-haired woman hadn't said a word about what the doctor had said as well as what she and Natsuki had discussed. Her lips were sealed just like how Natsuki wanted it to be. As soon as all eyes were on Natsuki, everyone except Mai started bombarding her with their questions.
"Oi Natsuki, I demand you to answer me with nothing but the truth!" Chie declared with a straight face as she pointed her index finger at the raven-haired beauty.
Mikoto loudly dropped the pot soup on the floor as she also pointed at Natsuki. "Yeah. Speak now or you'll regret it!"
Natsuki raised her eyebrow at the two. They looked dead serious but their antics never failed to show up that she didn't know if she were to laugh or cry. Mai sighed as she made her way inside towards the kitchen unloading the heavy box of food she was holding. And as she passed by Natsuki, she gave her a meaningful look as if saying 'just like how you wanted, no one knows the truth'.
Natsuki felt bad that Mai was struggling to keep her silence because it was her plea. Despite Mai's contradiction, it was Natsuki's dying wish which was why Mai had no choice but to abide by it. Her attention again focused on four pair of eyes curiously waiting for her to speak.
She felt a comforting hand in her arm. As she looked up, it was Aoi's whose eyes were full of both sadness and worry. "Really Natsuki, what is happening? We're so worried about you."
Even though Nao was silent, her lime green eyes seemed bothered and unfocused. It was not surprising given yesterday's event. Natsuki was free falling against her own will. She thought that had she not shouted, Natsuki would have really fallen into the hard ground and she would have been seriously injured. She knew something was happening to Natsuki and no one seemed to know what it was. Maybe except for Mai who had volunteered to stay behind. But she was not speaking up for crying out loud!
Time and again, Natsuki had to lie. She winced internally. How many lies had I told already in just one day? How many more lies do I have to speak up to cover the truth? Really Natsuki, keep it up. You're doing a good job of becoming the worst person ever. Hang in there. This is your choice. So suck it up.
Bracing herself for another deception, she averted her eyes away from them. Eyes don't lie. Whether that saying was true or not, she wouldn't risk it. She had to look away just in case they could detect her lying through her eyes. "I'm fine, just overfatigue I guess." She answered.
Of course, no one was buying that. They all knew it was BS. Frustration crept on their faces as they could not get a decent answer from both Mai and Natsuki herself. Something was up and they weren't telling a thing!
Nao was never known for her patience. She put down the liquor bottles on the coffee table then marched swiftly to Natsuki. Everyone was surprised when she violently pushed Natsuki on the wall then grabbed her by the shirt so that their faces were inches from each other. Chie and Mikoto wanted to break them apart but one look from Nao stopped them from doing otherwise. Her lime green eyes were looking murderous as they focused at those shocked emerald eyes.
"Damn it Natsuki! Either you are blind or plain stupid." Nao spat harshly. "But for your information, we are freaking worried about you!" Natsuki flinched.
"Yes, we went home because Mai wanted us to get some rest and your apartment couldn't accommodate all of us. But we are all restless just thinking of what is happening to you. Every hour or so, each of us would message in a group chat wondering if there is any news about you. We are hoping that either Mai or you would keep us updated. But guess what!?" Nao scoffed. "Nothing! There was nothing. No news whatsoever about you."
Mai could hear the redhead's harsh words from the kitchen and she hadn't realized that tears were falling down on the cold hard floor. She was itching to tell them the truth. She wanted to. But she couldn't. She was helplessly bound by Natsuki's wish. And now, her conscience was eating her up as she listened to Nao.
Natsuki felt her world spinning wildly. Why do I have a feeling that this has happened already? Ah yes, déjà vu. That's right. Back then was with Mai. And now, it was with Nao. When will I stop hurting the people I care for?
Nao shoved her again hard on the wall. Pain would have registered in her body had she not been so occupied in thinking what to say. "Answer me, Natsuki." She snapped from her thoughts when she thought she heard Nao's voice cracking. As her emerald eyes focused on Nao, those lime green eyes were full of tears unabashedly running down her cheeks. "What is the truth?"
Even Aoi and Mikoto started whimpering softly. Chie silently wiped a lonely tear in her eye as she put a hand on Aoi's shoulder. Mai couldn't even bring herself to come to Natsuki's rescue as she fully understood where Nao was coming from. They deserved the truth. And yet, she couldn't even bring herself to defy Natsuki's wish.
As Natsuki watched them all in agony, she gritted her teeth angrily as the floodgates opened and her vision turned blurry. This was not what she wanted. All she wished for was to spare each of them from the pain of knowing the truth. So why was this happening to her? Why was everyone suffering because of her?
She collapsed on the floor as her vision suddenly turned dark and the only word that rang in her ears as she lost consciousness was her name uttered anxiously by her friends. Damn it Natsuki. You did nothing but hurt everyone you love.
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A/N: Yeah, the deleted scene is a bit dark and I do not want Shizuru's birthday to be celebrated gloomily. I love Shizuru and I want to give her the best birthday celebration. Next chapter, The truth. I wonder what would happen once Shizuru knows the truth.
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