Track 7: Kill Yr. Idols

Sitting by the side of a round glass table, Heero's eyes looked out towards the small backyard he had seen before. He never made it a habit to come here, but decided to stop by and give a heads up on his impending departure. The tour would begin in less than a couple of weeks and he made sure to be prepared for the long days on the road. It wasn't his first rodeo, nor would it be his last, so Heero was pretty much all set to go. As a matter of fact, Heero had been feeling anxious waiting for the night of the first show. They hadn't played since they stopped touring for Metal Circus and ever since the whole thing with Sylvia happened, Heero just crunched harder on making Zen Arcade the all-important musical document it ended up becoming.

Now, he needed to take it on the road. He wanted this tour for his own sake. In a way, this would be his victory lap. More than before, being on the road meant something to him, and he constantly felt his chest swell in anticipation for that first night at Barge.

He would be there later tonight, although it wasn't because he planned on hitting the stage with his three bandmates. No, he had to meet up with someone from another band. The face of a certain golden haired woman flashed and that bothersome feeling of agitation returned to him. He really didn't want to do this; Heero knew that he couldn't find it in him to apologize the right way. The plan was to go in there and make it short and then head for the exit. Heero's thinking was that Relena should be glad that Dorothy was her friend, because if it wasn't for the respect he had for the platinum blonde, he wouldn't be going to see her in the first place.

It was a shame, he thought, because Relena clearly had playing ability, but she chose the wrong band to join. Had things been different, then maybe he wouldn't look at her so differently. He could look at her for what she seemed to be: Talented, kind and beautiful.

Heero began nodding to himself before suddenly stopping. Wait, why did he feel the need to add that last part in? Yeah, she was attractive, sure, but… that shouldn't matter enough to him to even bring it up. He shook it off, maybe he really did need to get back on the road, otherwise he would just go crazy getting lost in his head and thinking stupid thoughts like that.

Maybe it was his current setting that was screwing with him.

He heard the sliding door behind him open, unveiling an older woman with similarly colored hair like Heero's. It fell a few inches past her shoulders and the woman's face exposed her obvious Asian features, looking like a more grown, female version of him. She still held a youthful enough appearance despite her being middle age, and that made the similarities between them even more apparent.

Which made sense, considering this woman was his mother.

Aoi Clark placed two glasses of water on the table. Heero grabbed one and began swirling it in his grasp, just watching the liquid spin. Aoi took her seat, her eyes scanning over her son.

"When are you leaving again?" She asked, swallowing some water before putting it down, crossing her arms in front of her.

"In a couple weeks." Heero continued playing with his glass and he heard his mother respond with a hum. Silence fell over them, bugging the two. It was always a fight to keep things from becoming awkward. Aoi kept an eye on her son as the two continued on with this unpleasant quiet that befell them. He looked so much like his father, and like herself, too, if she was being honest. Though she could only think of her ex-husband when she looked at Heero. After all, he was succeeding where Odin had failed. Her son's success may have been modest, but she knew he had carved out his own place in the music world.

Where Odin couldn't handle being a failed musician, Heero seemingly never cared. She couldn't say she understood her son's scene, she never understood his music to begin with, but it was obvious that he never thought about reaching some unattainable level of stardom. Heero seemed content to be where he was in his chosen profession, Aoi noted. That much, she could respect.

Another minute passed before Aoi decided to break the silence. "How long will you be gone for this time?"

Heero sipped his water, eyes still looking out to the yard. "About two and a half months." Putting the glass down, he set his elbow on the table, resting his head on his fist. Heero's face held a bored expression, and the tone of his voice matched. Everytime he came here, he regretted it. He always felt weird when it came to his family.

Well, at least he wasn't at Odin's place, because things would have been much worse.

"Oh, okay." Aoi sighed, unsure where to go next. A few seconds of thinking went by, and she chose to bring up the only other thing she knew about Heero that wasn't music related. "Have you heard from Sylvia?" Aoi could see him bristle at the question. She had only seen him once since their relationship unexpectedly dissolved. He didn't go into detail about what happened, but only that they weren't together anymore.

She had met the girl named Sylvia on several occasions throughout the years, and Aoi was never quite sure what to think of the girl. Overall, Aoi thought she was fine, but something about Sylvia always made her feel a little off. There was a pugnacious undertone coming from her whenever they spoke. Maybe she was just being that way on Heero's behalf, Aoi pondered, as she was sure her son let her know about all of his family issues.

"No, I haven't." his voice made it clear he was not happy answering that question.

"Did you ever try asking her family about her?"

"I did." Again, his voice translated his feelings on the topic. Of course he checked with her family. No one, not even her grandfather whom she was very close with had any idea what she was up to. Only that she called every now and then to let them know she was fine.

Heero had a suspicion that Sylvia had told them not to say anything to him. He couldn't prove it, but that was his belief.

"And?" Aoi pressed.

"Nothing, so stop asking." Heero replied gruffly. Aoi shrugged, not bothering to get upset with her son.

"You know, I don't like the idea of you being single." his mother commented. "I think you should find someone and try and settle down again."

"The time for motherly advice has long since passed, Aoi." That wasn't what Heero wanted to hear, especially from his mom.

"Would you stop calling me Aoi?" the woman sighed.

"Is that not your name?" Heero responded sarcastically.

"Heero, stop." she admonished, her son still refusing to look at her. "Can't you call me mom or mother like a normal son?"

"You have to earn that." Heero muttered, not catching the dirty look his mother threw at him. As much as she detested how her son treated her, Aoi guessed she couldn't blame him for feeling that way.

After divorcing Odin when her son was about eleven years old, Heero only saw her on the weekend; she watched him grow and become music obsessed and she greatly disliked that about him. He was becoming too much like his father for Aoi's liking and Heero could sense that. It kept Aoi from being the mother she should have been to him. And because of her resentment towards Heero, their relationship became incredibly strained and here they are now, trying to find a way to remain cordial with each other.

It was another reason why she wanted him in a relationship again. At least when Sylvia was around, he would try to act normal around her. She didn't care if it was fake, at least she could pretend that she wasn't in a cold war with her own flesh and blood.

"Heero," Aoi tried again, calling for his attention. "are you ever happy?"

He raised his glass over his mouth, blocking a grin that was trying to break out on his face. Aoi took note and raised a curious eyebrow. "You don't understand..." he spoke.

"Understand what?"

Heero threw down some more water before completing his thought. "Why my music is so good." Aoi couldn't quite tell what he was getting at with that statement. Heero finally turned to look at her. "It's because I'm never happy."

As sad as that was to hear, looking into those fierce Prussian eyes of his, she could tell he meant what he said. This was partly her doing. Other than her, there was only one other person to blame for this, and he wasn't here right now. "That sounds like a terrible way to live."

Heero nodded, holding back on what would be an inappropriate chuckle. "It's not all that bad."

"What do you mean?"

"Because of you guys, I at least got a couple songs out of it." Heero returned his vision to the rest of the yard. Aoi just blinked, eyes still trying to read her son. "You should listen to one of them." Heero added.

That was an odd suggestion, considering how little she actually bothered to know about his creations, which she knew contributed to his bitterness towards her. Maybe, after all this time, she should get familiar with Heero's work. "What are one of these songs called?"

Once more, Heero tried to hide a look of amusement. "Well, one of them is titled 'Broken Home, Broken Heart'. Oh, thanks for the inspiration, by the way."

He didn't bother to look at the frown that Aoi gave him.

"So, like, what's your favorite album of all time?" Relena questioned as she sipped down some of the cherry flavored vodka she ordered.

"I'm shocked you don't know that already." Dorothy gave her friend an exasperated look. The pair sat at the bar, people moving all around them. They chose a fairly busy night to patronize Club Barge. Relena had been there before with Dorothy, and she saw first hand how many regulars and workers loved her friend with the quirky eyebrows. This was a big Jezebels place, and Relena had to help make sure it remained that way.

"I don't think you've ever told me." Relena replied. She had a feeling she knew what it was, but wanted Dorothy to say it.

"Strange," Dorothy tapped her glass filled with merlot on her chin. "I could've sworn I told you before… or maybe it was Sylvia."

Relena shrugged. "I don't recall you ever telling me." It could be that Relena just forgot, she reasoned, but she usually remembered these kinds of things.

"Hm. Okay, then I guess I'll just tell you." Dorothy took in some wine before giving her answer. "It's Chelsea Girl."

"Chelsea Girl?" Relena gave her an almost skeptical look.

"Chelsea Girl." Dorothy nodded, confirming it again. Dorothy didn't care for the look her friend was giving her. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

'I was right…' Relena said internally. "Chelsea Girl… that choice is almost too on-brand for you." She sipped from her glass again, furrowing her brows at her bandmate.

"Excuse me?" Dorothy gave an offended look. "Is that your way of calling me predictable?"

"Kinda." Relena chuckled. "It's just…" She reached for her phone where she pulled up the album's artwork. "When I look at the cover for this record, I feel like it just screams Dorothy Catalonia."

Dorothy rolled her eyes. "What can I say, I feel a sort of kinship with that woman, even if she's dead. Plus, the music is beautiful."

"I don't disagree, but again…" Relena gave the Chelsea Girl cover another look, holding back a snicker. "I look at this and I get the feeling that you have a selfie in your phone somewhere that looks just like this cover."

Dorothy immediately grabbed her glass, trying to hide a sheepish grin from Relena's vision. Unfortunately, Relena caught this and her eyes widened.

"Dorothy, no!" Relena gasped. "Oh my god, you really are predictable! Let me see!" Relena tried to reach for Dorothy's phone on the bar counter, but her friend was just too quick and snatched it away. "C'mon, let me see it! I bet you look cute." Relena said through laughs.

"There's nothing for you to see!" Dorothy's cheeks began to mimic to color of her wine.

"Don't lie." Relena continued to tease. It wasn't everyday that she was the one who caused Dorothy to blush. "Oh Dorothy, will 'The Fairest of the Seasons' be on the setlist now?"

"Neither of us could do it justice!" Dorothy huffed.

Relena chuckled, more flavored alcohol made its way down her throat. "Well, now this puts all those arguments you would have with people back at school about The Marble Index into context."

"It's a misunderstood classic and one day people will treat it as such, if they aren't doing so already." Dorothy firmly stated. Relena allowed another chuckle to escape, and oh how Dorothy hated being the one getting laughed at. "That album predicted goth music, so you should be grateful."

"Wait, I was never a goth kid." Relena protested, not remembering a single time in her life where black dominated her wardrobe.

"Perhaps, but I still remember what your favorite song is." Dorothy drank her wine, looking out into the crowd, hoping to see Heero's sorry ass enter the building.

"Well, sure, I guess there's that." Relena conceded. She would never call herself a goth, but she liked the music, and surprisingly her favorite song of all time was…

"Oh, there's Treize!" Dorothy suddenly shouted, referring to the club's owner. "I'm gonna go speak to him for a second, I'll be back." Relena watched as Dorothy bounced away. She sighed and went back to working on her drink, eyes studying the shelves filled with bottles behind the counter.

In a couple weeks, she would be here again, but it wouldn't be just for drinks. The currently empty stage would be filled her band's gear, and of course the three of them. She would be spending a lot more time rehearsing with Dorothy and Hilde, getting better acquainted with the three albums the two of them already recorded. Dorothy told her not to get too crazy with knowing every single song in their discography, as this was essentially a tour that was promoting their latest release, but Relena still felt like she owed it to them to know her own band inside out.

And from there, she could add to it with her own stuff. She planned on working on some new material with them, too. Relena desperately wanted to put her stamp on this band, not wanting to be looked upon simply as Sylvia Noventa's replacement. She wanted to smash the skeptics, anybody who doubted her ability to own the stage and the songwriting. Relena was determined to show everyone that the band would be okay, and that their future would see them produce more mind blowing music. They would all see, she was certain of that.

Even that asshole, Heero Yuy.

Just mentioning his name caused her to automatically swallow down more of her drink. While he did make her cry yesterday, she did her best to hold back, not wanting to release too many tears. She fought like hell to keep from looking like a sobbing mess. After entering Peacemillion again, she headed straight for the bathroom, she recovered herself and quickly arrived at the realization that Heero would just never like her.

She would have to get comfortable with that fact. If she was being honest, the respect she had for him was still there. Relena was able to separate the art from the artist, because aside from being a brilliant musician, he was terrible human. Now that may sound harsh, Relena would admit, but what else could she think? Aside from some brief moments from their first meeting, he was nothing but terrible to her. What other opinion was she supposed to have of him?

He was an amazing songwriter, he proved that even more on Zen Arcade, but that can only go so far. And any sympathy she felt for him that involved his personal life, specifically involving her predecessor, went out the damn window. The whole Sylvia thing just made him look worse. At first, she felt bad for Heero's situation, but now seeing just how bad he was at getting over it… pathetic didn't even seem strong enough to explain it. It was just downright sad.

"Ugh, I'm spending way too much time on him…" Relena groaned. She looked around, wondering if her bandmate was on her way back. She didn't want to spend too much time alone, Dorothy already had to fight off some guys who tried to hit on both of them. They must've not known who they were, specifically the platinum blonde.

Her eyes continued to scan the crowd. She picked up on someone making their way towards her, but it wasn't Dorothy... 'Oh no…' Relena's face fell when a memorable head of untamed, brown hair combined with a fiery, Prussian glare began making his way through the crowd. Yeah, she could tell he was heading for her direction. "Dorothy, where the hell are you?" she mumbled to herself, whipping her head around as she attempted to scope out her friend who was nowhere to be found. She decided since there was no sign of her returning, she had to take matters into her own hands and just take off somewhere. To where she would go, she didn't know, but she had to escape.

Unfortunately, she took one second too long to make her decision. Heero was a lot quicker than she thought, it was like she blinked and he just appeared. She watched him move with cautious eyes, unaware of his intentions or his reasons for being here tonight. She studied his movements, noticing that he hadn't even taken a look at her yet. Relena made sure to be on her guard, because from here on out she would refuse to take any of his shit.

He leaned over the counter with his arms in front of him, taking up the space that Dororthy had occupied. Heero waved off the bartender that knew him, he wasn't going to stay long and didn't feel like drinking. He didn't say anything, unsure on how to go about this. All he knew was that he wanted this over as quickly as possible.

Relena's eyes gave a quick up and down, unable to read anything from his body language. He didn't speak and had yet to even acknowledge her. Why did he always have to make things so awkward? He annoyed her so much. She stripped her view from him and turned to look back down at her glass. She sighed before bringing it up to her lips. "Hello, Heero…" Might as well say something, she figured. An audible grunt was heard and Relena rolled her eyes, she expected that. "What brings you here this evening?" she said with as little enthusiasm as possible.

Heero let out a frustrated sigh, he still didn't bother to look at her. "I came here to say sorry..." his tone more surly than apologetic. Relena just tilted her head in confusion. He was here to apologize? That's strange, this she did not expect. Well, it wasn't a great start, she noted, but she would give him a chance. What else was she going to do? Not like Dorothy was around. "... about yesterday. So, yeah, there it is." Heero tore himself away from the counter readying himself to leave. That was it, mission complete, he concluded.

And just as he was about to find the exit, he felt something capture his arm, keeping him from progressing to the door. His eyes darted over to see that Relena had snatched him up and saw this incredible look of disbelief painted over her face. "What?" he questioned gruffly.

"You… you were being serious?" Relena was flabbergasted. "That was supposed to be an apology?"

Heero shrugged, giving her a look as if she was the crazy one. "Yeah."

"Wow…" Relena just slowly shook her head, she just couldn't believe this guy. He really was too far gone. "That's just… wow. Why did you even bother?"

"Relena…" Heero angrily gritted out her name, not in the mood to exchange these words.

"No, Heero, I've had it." Relena wouldn't hear it. He blew up on her, now she would make sure he knew where she stood by doing the same to him. "All you've done since I arrived here was treat me like garbage. You've said hurtful things to me and all I ever wanted to do was play music and maybe talk to you a little about your work. That's all I wanted, Heero."

"And I apologized, right?" Heero flatly stated. Relena's eyes continued to expand, not believing that he still had the gall to call what he did an 'apology'.

"You apologized!?" Her voice went up another octave. Heero noticed people around them begin to watch the scene they were creating. He started feeling uncomfortable, hating to be the center of attention, which was ironic given what he did for a living.

"Relena st-"

"No, shut up for a second." Relena snapped, unaware of all the views they were receiving. Relena never blew up on anybody like this before, it just wasn't in her nature, but Heero was a special case, and it helped that she had some liquid courage in her system. "Let me give you some advice, okay?" She let him go and clasped her hands together. "If you want to give me an actual apology, maybe you should go in the studio and record something. Or, better yet, sing me an apology."

Heero's eyes narrowed at her and he could still feel the gazes of others burning into him. He gritted his teeth in a mixture of displeasure and discomfort.

"Because it seems to me like that's the only way we can get any genuine, human emotion out of you. You are just the absolute worst." Relena shook her head at the pathetic sight he made. She heard Heero grunt and watched as he lowered his head, concealing his eyes with his messy bangs. She hoped it was getting to him, he deserved to be talked down to like this. "And to think, all of this just because of some girl. You're like a teenager, unable to get over a break-up. Aren't you ashamed?"

She thought she saw him shake. 'Good!' she thought bitterly. Relena really felt like a different person exploding on him like this, but some people don't understand unless you talk to them this way, and it appeared that Heero was that kind of person. "Now I can see why she left you. Who would even want you?"

Heero bit down on his lower lip, trembling a little she said that, his hands turning into tight shaped balls.

"You don't deserve anybody." She continued to scold him, like the child he had acted as all this time. "This is why you're single, and why you'll probably continue to be. You better hope that my predecessor comes back one day, because I can't see anyone else putting up with… this." Relena emphasized that part, wanting him to hear the venom dripping from her words. "I bet you didn't even show up here on you own accord. Dorothy was probably the one who mad-"

"You're right."

"What?" Relena paused her tirade, unsure that he heard him correctly.

"You're right." Heero moved his head back up. His face had somewhat softened, giving off an almost defeated look. This took Relena by surprise, as there was an almost morose appearance to his facial features. He raised a finger and wagged it at her. "You're right." His voice held a similar conceding tone to it as he repeated himself. "You're completely right… have a good night." Heero turned on his heels and kept his head low, not wanting to match stares with anyone. His feet took him straight to the doors and Relena watched him leave in complete befuddlement.

"Um, okay then." She wasn't sure what just took place here. Did… she win? She wasn't so sure, remembering what Heero looked and sounded like as she assaulted him with hateful words. She acted like a bitch to him, no doubt, but he deserved it, right? He started it, after all. So now why didn't she feel like she did the right thing? Relena just couldn't understand it. He didn't mean to apologize in the first place, so she felt like she had every right to let him have it. He gave her the green light to go the hell off. Relena felt like her actions were just.

So why doesn't this feel like a complete victory?

She let out an agitated groan and turned on her seat. She eventually noticed all the other patrons looking at her, realizing the scene they must've made. She blushed in embarrassment and dropped her head in front of her.

"Hey, what's with you?" Dorothy finally came back, wondering why Relena's forehead was making good friends with the bar counter. "What happened?"

"Honestly… I don't know." Relena muttered.

AN: I hope everyone had a happy holiday. I'm just glad it's over, it's always so hectic around this time of year. I'm exhausted lol

Sonic Youth - "Kill Yr. Idols"

Idk why, but I feel like Dorothy would really be into Nico. Maybe it's the blonde hair?