Track 14: The Girl Who Lives on Heaven Hill
They both gave each other the nod, signaling it was time to begin. With picks tightly secured between the tips of their fingers, the two musicians who sat side by side started strumming away intently at the two chords that comprised the majority of the song they were attacking. The sound of two harmonizing acoustic guitars rushed ahead at a measured pace; the tones of these two instruments bouncing off the walls of the confined space they were currently inhabiting.
This wasn't a stage, nor was it a recording studio. This wasn't someone's home, though it had been acting like one ever since they all began their journey together.
This was the inside of a tour bus, and right now there was something a performance happening within the oversized vehicle. There was no audience in attendance, and that was exactly what they wanted. Just the two of them, jamming away.
There are things that I'd like to say
But I'm never talking to you again
Relena's voice softly carried the first couple lines of the song, with Heero's rumbling baritone joining in to harmonize alongside her. They'd been playing for a little while now, hiding away from the rest of the crew within this giant hunk of transpiration.
There's things I'd like to phrase some way
But I'm never talking to you again
At Relena's request, they played one of her favorite songs off Heero's record, Zen Arcade. It was one of the songs Heero was most curious about when it came to audience reception. It was just a short acoustic track that he came up with one day when he was thinking about his childhood and his parents. Heero noticed that the crowds seemed rather split on the song. That didn't surprise him. His fans were raised on blistering, two-minute long screeds of chaos, so these things would take time.
She said she liked it, though. And for Heero, that was all the validation this song needed.
I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you
They paused for a second to glance at one another. After giving each other another quick set of nods, they went right back at it; both of their voices carrying Heero's song together into the next short verse.
I'd put you down where you belong
But I'm never talking to you again
Heero mentioned to Relena that this song was about his family, which was true, but these days it sort of felt like the song had retroactively morphed into a message towards a certain ex-girlfriend of his. Relena knew he had written it before the break up, but she also felt the same way. The lyrics were angry, yet vague enough to where they could be about anyone. A part of Relena wished that to be true; that whenever Heero sang these words, they were directed right towards Sylvia Noventa, wherever she was.
Relena inwardly admonished herself for thinking that way. She didn't know Sylvia Noventa; she never had a conversation with the girl. There shouldn't be any reason for Relena to think so harshly about a woman she didn't really know.
I'd show you everywhere you're wrong
But I'm never talking to you again
But that was just Relena being honest with herself.
Honest because her feelings for the man playing guitar alongside right now had grown exponentially and, after their cover of 'Spellbound', everyone else started to see it, too.
I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you
Talking to you
Their guitars proceeded into the instrumental section, with Relena improvising and adding more by picking away at the strings instead of the quick strumming that made up this portion of the song. Heero approved of the changes she made to his creation.
One of the many joys of getting closer to Relena was seeing her play. He obviously didn't notice it when they first met, but now he could appreciate this high level of jubilance that she brought with her playing style. The radiance of her smile perfectly complemented Relena as she plucked away with much exuberance. The notes she struck almost turned the song into something it wasn't when he created it. He could almost feel the bitterness seeping out of the track as she went along. Some artists would take offense to that, but Heero was captivated. As far he was concerned, she could go off all day and night and he wouldn't get tired of watching or listening.
He could handle all of the teasing and ribbing that came their way from people like Dorothy and Duo after their infamous 'Spellbound' cover. If that meant he could continue to look into the beauty of this woman's soul, then so be it. This was heaven for him.
And that's when something clicked in his head.
I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you…
The strumming ceased as they reached the end, completing their joint interpretation of the song. They both set their guitars to the side as Relena gave Heero a fulfilled smile. "That was good." she said to him. Heero nodded in response as he slouched over with his hands clasped. It was good, he thought. So far everything he did with her was very good.
He suddenly felt her rest her head on his shoulder. He couldn't recall the exact moment they became this comfortable with each other, but he knew it was sometime after their 'Spellbound' cover. His eyes wandered over to regard her.
"Can I ask you something?" she said.
"Hn." she felt him nod again.
"Have you heard from your family?" the question slightly surprising Heero. "You don't have to answer, I was just curious."
"No, I haven't." Heero responded, figuring it wasn't too difficult of a question to answer.
"Do you plan on reaching out to them?" Relena felt him shrug this time.
"Probably not." Heero had no intention of communicating with any blood relatives back at home.
"Do you ever see it getting any better?" Relena moved her head to catch Heero's Prussian colored orbs glaring down at her. "With your family, I mean."
"I don't know…" Heero answered truthfully. It had been this way for so long, he wasn't sure if it would ever change. He wasn't even sure he cared. "I don't really think about it much. Might be a lost cause, anyway."
"Hearing that makes me feel bad that 'Whatever' is my favorite song of yours." Relena said with an apologetic smile, referring to one of the few songs off Zen Arcade directed at his parents.
"That's okay," Heero began as he admired the loveliness of her facial features. "I had to do something with all that childhood trauma."
Heero could tell there was something about that answer she didn't like, but she chose not to say anything. He watched as she casted her eyes downward; his own blue colored pair doing the same. She carefully slid her hand down his arm; her touch creating a series of chills all over his body. Reaching her destination, she gently unclasped Heero's hands to intertwine fingers with him. For a split second, Relena was unsure if this was the right course of action. All she knew was that she wanted to feel more of him. But any worry she had was sent flying out the window when she felt him give her a strong yet tender squeeze.
Relena could feel some of the cuts and welts from the grasp of his fingers. Sometimes he played with so much intensity that the strings on his guitar would dig into him, sometimes even drawing blood. However, the feel of those scars only made her even more eager for his touch.
"Has your family… reached out to you?" Heero cleared his throat, uncertain where to go from here.
"They have…" a humorous grin began to spread on Relena's face as she remembered her older brother texting her 'what the hell is going on out there?'. That 'Spellbound' video really got around fast. She assured her nosy brother that nothing was going on, but from the looks of things, that might not be true anymore.
"I see…" Heero replied, now choosing to focus on these particular strands of golden locks that hung over her eyes. He decided to do what felt right and lifted his free hand to lightly brush away at her hair.
A faint gasp escaped her as the tips of his fingers softly grazed her forehead. Her eyelids quivered to a close as she felt his hand glide over to cup the side of her face. The warmth of his calloused hand brought forth a rose colored tint to Relena's skin. She nuzzled deeper into his palm with Heero's thumb carefully massaging small circles on her cheek.
Heero didn't expect to be doing this. He swallowed down a lump that formed in his throat, beginning to ponder the idea of stopping all this. Relena could feel him stiffen up in hesitation. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him curiously. "Heero?" her voice sang questioningly.
"Relena…" Heero spoke, forcing down another annoying lump. She could sense a strange sense of conflict emanating from him. It was obvious from the look in eyes to the stifling of his actions.
"Are you okay?" she sweetly asked, her delightful voice causing Heero's body to give in with a slight shudder.
"I…" Heero tried to find a reason, but nothing came. But he had to ask himself why he was looking for a reason in the first place? Was it… Sylvia again? No, it couldn't be… or, really, it shouldn't be. "Sorry.. I can't really find the words…" Heero remarked apologetically.
Relena didn't understand what was happening, but she quickly decided to, literally, take matters into her own hands. They were already this far in, and she didn't want to let him go. Not now. So she took her free palm and floated it up to caress his face, causing Heero to release a calming sigh.
"That's fine," Relena said reassuringly with the most gorgeous of smiles, Heero thought. "Let's not use any, then."
She guided him down and Heero had a clear focus in mind when he zeroed in on her lips. They were closing the space between as their faces were growing closer than ever before. Their hearts pistoned at a rapid pace; both of them burning inside from the anticipation. It was a bizarre swirl of anxiety and longing overwhelming their senses.
Their holds on each other grew tighter…
The small breaths they released hovered over the surface of their skin, eliciting shivers rippling through them.
And as they prepared to close the gap…
And as their lips were only separated by less than a centimeter of space…
And then, finally…
"We're gonna catch them fuckin', aren't we?" Duo's unmistakable voice spoke.
"God, I hope not." followed Dorothy's equally recognizable tone. "Or I'll have the Maganacs fumigate this entire bus."
...with matching, frustrated sighs, the two of them pulled apart.
Dorothy and Duo now stood before the sitting pair, neither of them looking very happy to see the new arrivals. "I'm sorry, were you two in the middle of something?" the smirking platinum blonde asked.
"No." Relena responded a little too forcefully. Dorothy raised an amused, forked brow.
"Really?" she replied, hands firmly on hips. "Am I going to have to take a black light to that comfortable couch you two are sharing?"
"Dorothy..." Relena sighed.
"What?" Dorothy snickered. She could catch Heero at the corner of her eyes staring daggers into her.
"Why're you two here, anyway?" the irritated Relena questioned.
"Uh, I ride this bus, so I don't need a reason to come here." Dorothy scoffed.
"Honestly, I'm just being nosy." a grinning Duo admitted. "I heard she was looking for you guys, so I just followed." He also didn't feel like moving any more shit around.
"Also, I needed you to help me go over some things for tonight, so I was looking all over the place for you." Dorothy shifted her eyes between the two unhappy sitting musicians, knowing full well that she and Duo were interrupting… something. "But I'll understand if you two need a little more time. All I ask is that you take this to their bus, Relena." Dorothy explained. "My bus isn't the place for road tail."
"Shut up." Relena huffed, pushing herself off the seat. "C'mon, lets go."
"My, my." Dorothy taunted. "So testy." The two of them began to make their way out of the bus, but before they could progress any further, Relena turned to look back at the man she damn near kissed.
"Oh, Heero." He stood up as he acknowledged her. "So, should I just go with how I originally wrote it, or like, should I just change some of the parts?"
The two of them were working on Relena's songs before they started jamming away on random tracks. She asked for his advice and Heero has no problem helping her out if she needed it.
"Like I said," Heero reached over to grab the neck of his acoustic guitar. "I like how you originally wrote it up, but ultimately the decision is yours."
Relena regarded him with a warm smile and a softened gaze before nodding at him. "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind."
"Is that coded language for 'meet me in your bus after sound check and don't forget the condoms'?" Dorothy looked at the two of them. "Oh wait, you're on the pill, never mind."
"Why are you still standing there?" Relena's head whipped back, now beginning to push Dorothy off the bus. "Move!"
"My goodness!" Dorothy puffed. "Between you and Wufei, the sexually repressed sure are an angry lot."
The two women argued their way out as they left Duo and Heero alone in the Jezebels tour bus. Duo observed Heero as he held his guitar out in front of him. "You aren't mad at me, are ya'?" Duo asked the frontman.
Heero blinked at his bandmate before looking back at the guitar, twirling it in his grasp. "Do you want me to be?"
"No…" Duo watched him sit back down. Heero began strumming away at the song he currently called 'Heaven Hill', though it would have a different title by the end of the night. "I just figured you would be since we screwed up your private time with the princess."
Heero rolled his eyes. What a ridiculous nickname, he thought. "I probably should be mad." Heero kept strumming away.
"But you're not."
"Nope."
"How come?" Duo asked, arms crossed in front of him as he looked at his dear leader curiously.
"Let's just say…" Heero already began filling up the empty spaces of the song in his head. And the new title had already been settled on. "I'm feeling a little inspired right now."
Relena stood by the scaffolding that was set up at the side of the stage. The lights were down and the crowd was going ballistic like they tended to do during these shows. Right now, the audience were being entertained by the distorted sounds of Heero's band.
He lives in his imagination with those friends of his very own
He doesn't get along with the outside world, he'd rather be alone
Sometimes when it's late at night, he starts to wonder why
The plans he made can never happen so all he does is cry
They were currently ripping through 'Whatever', which was by far Relena's favorite song off Zen Arcade. She always did her best to make sure she was around whenever they played this song. Heero always tore through it with all the emotion he could spill out. Now she knew it was all that 'childhood trauma' he mentioned that fueled the fire it took to perform it the way he did.
His parents, they can't understand why their son, he turned out wrong
He runs away from all the pain, forgets them when he's gone
He'd rather be all by himself because his plans they seem the best
He finally gets the nerve one day, now life becomes a test
Tonight, however, she wasn't just watching Heero perform her favorite Do You Remember? song just because she loved it. No, she was there specifically because Heero told her to be there.
It was a strange request, Relena thought. After they had finished setting up for Heero's band to take the stage, he pulled her to the side and told her that he wanted, no needed, her to be there for the song he would play after 'Whatever'. When she asked him why, all he said was that he was going to need her opinion on the song when their set was all over, so it was imperative that she be there.
Relena noticed that he looked kind of nervous when he asked her. He wouldn't even look at her; his head constantly shifting around as if he was uncomfortable about something. She had to reach out and give his hand a squeeze with the intention of calming him down. She would've much rather pulled him down into that kiss they were supposed to share before Dorothy came looking for her, but that would just have to wait.
Well, she hoped that they would get another chance anyway.
Instead, she gave him a small hug which he affectionately returned.
Whatever you want, whatever you do, wherever you go, whatever you say
Whatever you want, whatever you do, wherever you go, whatever you say
The song continued on with Heero roaring into the mic about all the pain he was willing to share on record; those lyrics escaping those lips she wished she would have closed the gap on. What their relationship would've turned into had they kissed she had no idea, but she knew that she was more than willing to find out.
Mom and dad, I'm sorry
Mom and dad, don't worry
I'm not the son you wanted but what could you expect?
I've made my world of happiness to combat your neglect
Heero wanted to blast through this song as fast as he could. He told Wufei and Trowa to kick it up another gear as he wanted desperately to get to the next one on the set list. A new song would make its debut tonight; it was a song that would appear on New Day Rising as soon as they got a chance to record it. Tonight, he would play it in its rawest possible form.
After the time he spent with Relena earlier today, the words he was looking for just popped right into his head. Finally, thanks to Relena, he was able to complete the song formerly known as 'Heaven Hill'. Performing it tonight in front of this crowd… in front of her… would be his way of thanking the woman.
And now, the beating of his heart began to match the speed of the song he was currently playing. Good thing the ending was coming around…
Whatever you want, whatever you do, wherever you go, whatever you say
Whatever you want, whatever you do, wherever you go, whatever you say
They repeated that refrain until the song devolved into a mess of feedback and unintelligible shouts and growls. Then, the song faded away with a good response from those tossing around in the pit before them.
Heero looked around at his band, all of them getting off of their equipment. He marched over to the amps and speakers, checking to see if everything was set at the appropriate levels. Stepping back up towards the mic stand he began picking at the strings. His heart continued to thump at a pace that made him feel like his chest would explode. The pick in his fingers continued to carefully pluck away, hoping the sounds of his loud, fuzzy guitar would soothe him someway.
He hadn't felt this uneasy on stage since he first started playing live. His jaw tightened, and he spun his head over to see her standing there, watching him.
Relena
He wanted to let his mind drift away and think about what would've happened had Duo and Dorothy not pulled up on them unexpectedly. But right now wasn't the time. He had a song to perform… and a girl to perform it for.
Heero took one last deep breath. He exhaled and composed himself as much as he could. From there, he proceeded to do something he rarely did by talking directly to the crowd.
"This will be on the next record." he spoke. "It probably won't sound like this though."
That was all he needed to say. He was up there, alone, in front of a mass of people looking up towards him. But honestly, he only felt one pair of eyes scoping him out. With one more look towards the woman with golden colored hair, his hand began strumming away at the chords he had already become so familiar with.
The lone sound of his fuzzbox affected guitar filling up the room in a tornado of emotional distortion.
He chose to play the stripped down version of this song because, well, there was no other version of it yet.
Just him and his guitar, singing for the woman who inspired it.
He spoke to the audience again.
There's a girl who lives on heaven hill
I go up to her cabin still
She keeps a lantern lit for me
And a bottle up on her mantelpiece
Relena folded her arms across her chest as she watched his solo performance. 'Heaven Hill'. She recognized that name. It was the title of that song Heero said he was having a hard time with. "Huh." she muttered to herself. So he wanted her to see the finished product? Is that what this was? Okay, not like she wasn't curious to hear it.
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
Heero's voice went up another level when he went for that chorus. He strained his voice to go at a higher pitch, but he was only getting started. He would make sure he used all the passion he had to translate this song to her.
'Relena… thanks. This one's for you.'
She's got a big room and it's always a mess
Worn out shoes and a worn out dress
A worn out smile that she'll wear some more
And a worn out welcome mat by her door
As the mixture of Heero's voice and his guitar invaded her ears, something started to bug Relena. They had been working on her songs earlier that day, but she also remembered asking him if he had made any progress on 'Heaven Hill'.
He told her no.
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
As she watched him run through what appeared to be the guitar solo section of the song, she began to wonder exactly when Heero felt inspired enough to finish this song. Unless he was lying to her, Heero had finished this song today… sometime after their near kiss…
Did something happen in between that short amount of time that beckoned him to complete it?
Or was it…
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill
Relena continued putting the pieces together and she ended up coming to a weird conclusion. At first, she couldn't believe the answer she came to. She tried thinking it over again, but there wasn't anything else that made sense. But, it couldn't be, right?
Was this song… about her? She went through the evidence again.
He wrote it in between the time they almost kissed and, she assumed, when he requested her to watch him play this song.
He seemed so nervous when he asked her to the point where she had to hug him to help calm him down. He never gave a reason for his nervousness, but now…
And then, there were the lyrics.
I'd trade big mountains and rooms full of gold!
For just one look at the beauty of this woman's soul!
The lyrics were about a girl and Heero screamed them as loud as he could. His voice strained to the point of cracking, turning into a visceral caterwaul.
Relena was far from vain, but the more thought she gave it, the more she arrived at the realization that, yes, this song… was about her.
A slight tremor erupted inside of her and breathing became slightly irregular. She clutched at the fabric of her shirt and she strangely felt a small tear fall from her eye. She quickly wiped at it and kept her smile up, aiming it directly at the man singing to her. The sound of a sob escaped her but she quickly turned it into a laugh. She swallowed hard and bit her lip.
'Thank you, Heero.' she inwardly spoke to him.
Up on heaven hill is where I wanna be!
That girl, that bottle, that mattress and me!
'Thank you.' Relena continued. 'I'm here to stay, Heero. But now, there's something I have to do.'
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
She's the girl who lives on heaven hill!
After his final scream of the chorus, Heero's guitar slowly died down, dissolving into the end of the song. Heero closed his eyes and exhaled. He heard the audience applaud his intimate performance of this new song; opening his eyes to see the hands clapping and the crowd cheering.
They took to that song better than he thought. Maybe it was the town they were in?
But he knew this song was meant for someone else. He looked over to find Relena… only to see she wasn't there anymore.
"Relena?"
She quickly rushed down the hall, and past the green room. She didn't even notice running past Hilde and Dorothy on the way out.
"Hey, Lena!" Hilde called out to her. "Where are you going?"
"Someone seems to be in a hurry." Dorothy added, giving Relena a funny look.
"Oh," Relena paused for a second to look back at them. "Sorry, I have to go back to the bus."
"The bus?" Dorothy eyed Hilde curiously before returning her vision back to Relena. "What for?"
The honey blonde grinned. "Let's just say I'm feeling a little inspired right now."
AN: Fun fact about me: I cannot write while listening to music. Weird, right? I LOVE LOVE LOVE music, but I can't concentrate on anything else when something I enjoy is playing through the speakers. I just want to sing and dance like an idiot.
Hüsker Dü - "Never Talking to You Again" (One of the few songs I would actually recommend people listen to. If you have a 1:40 to spare...)
Hüsker Dü - "Whatever"
Hüsker Dü - "The Girl Who Lives on Heaven Hill"