I am so sorry. It has been way too long since I updated. This has not fallen on the back burner just yet. I can only hope this was worth the wait.

Lily sighed, understanding now some of what Rick was facing on a daily basis. It was exhausting. Everyone looked to you for answers but got angry at you when made a decision that they didn't like.

She walked up to her cell finding Daryl resting inside on her bed. He was surprised to see her so soon after leaving her to talk things over with Rick and the others and she was surprised to see him resting in her cell. He refused to sleep in one when they first got to the prison. 'Wonder what changed?'

"I just need the few extra rounds," she said leaning down to get them from her bag. "Gonna relieve Maggie from watch duty for a few hours." Truthfully, she just wanted to be away from Merle.

Daryl's presence was felt over her shoulder, but she moved away before he could touch her.

"Why do you want to keep Merle alive?" he asked pulling his hands back to his lap wondering why she wouldn't let him touch her. "I heard what you said and I know what he did to you."

After the look he'd given her earlier, he automatically assumed she wanted his brother dead which wasn't true. He assumed correctly but was expecting her to act upon her belief.

"Because I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd killed your brother. I know how much he means to you and it was selfish to want you all to myself," she paused. "But I can't have you here without him, so he has to stay. We all need you."

"Where did all this come from?"

That was not the response she expected from him. She was thinking more along the lines of 'Thank you. That means a lot.' But knowing Daryl, that was something he'd probably never say.

"You held a gun to his head not three days ago," he continued.

"And I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger. I can't have the guilt of killing another human being over my head! I couldn't kill your brother! It would crush you."

From the look in his eyes, Lily saw that no one had ever done something so powerful for him in his whole life. This was the first time someone gave up their peace of mind for him just so he would be happy and he was completely speechless.

Reaching out his hand to take hers, she pulled away and stepped out of the cell.

"If this is the only thing that gets you to stay, then I'll do it," she said adjusting the rifle over her shoulder again sticking the extra rounds in her pocket. "But don't ask me to be happy about it. Don't ask me to share a cell with him." With one last look into his blue eyes, she left to take watch.

She heard him slam his fist against the wall. Upon hearing that, she picked up the pace and ran outside. She knew he was feeling just as confused as she was.

.. .. ..

"Need a replacement?" Lily asked Maggie who was still on watch.

"No," the girl smiled. "I've got it."

"You sure? You've been here for a while. I'll relieve you," Lily pushed trying to get the girl to leave.

"It's fine," she said sternly the smile falling from her face. "I've got watch right now. You go get some rest."

'How about that? Someone telling me what to do again.' She nodded her head and went back into the prison just wanting to find a quiet place to think.

When she entered the food area she saw Merle talking to Michonne who was working out of the floor.

"Hey, sweet cheeks," he smiled at Lily when she entered. "Heard you want to keep me around? Yet you tried to kill me a few days ago. Why the sudden change of heart?"

So many things ran through her head that she wanted to spit at him but didn't. 'He sure knows how to make my blood boil.'

"Come on. What's wrong? Nothin' to say to your brother-in-law?"

She pictured the end of the rifle cracking against his skull, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The two other women were watching her intently to see how she would react to Merle's taunts.

"You had so much to say at Woodbury," he paused resting his knife hand on his knee. "And when I was behind bars. Why the sudden silence? Am I too close for you?"

Her hands clenched into fists.

He rose to his feet and began to make his way over to her, his huge person towering over her petite frame.

"What's running through your mind right now, I wonder?" he pondered aloud.

"More than you could possibly imagine," she responded coldly aiming her rifle at his abdomen. "Now back up before I do actually decide to shoot you."

He raised his hands and backed away from her. "You wouldn't shoot me."

"No," she replied lifting the rifle away from him. "You're right. I wouldn't shoot you, but you need to stay away from me."

She slung the rifle over her shoulder and as she made to leave the room and Merle, she saw Daryl watching her. He was trying to make amends, but Lily was still too angry at him leaving to offer forgiveness. All she wanted to feel was that he really cared for her. That he would really stay by her side. She felt he could't do that if he was constantly protecting his brother.

She quickly walked out of the room and grabbed the knife from her cell before going to search for the door to the roof.

"Lily?" Daryl asked.

"Leave me alone, Daryl," she snapped. "I just want—I need to be alone."

"You could get hurt."

She held out her hand to stop him approaching. "Just leave me alone." Looking at him one last time, she turned and made her way through the prison and was able to find a way up to the roof.

With a huff, she threw the knife at the ground. It wasn't a pocket knife, but a antler handled knife that seemed far too new to have been used for anything more than decoration. To her surprise, the blade stuck in the roof making her look extremely more skilled than she was. After placing her gun down, she sat overlooking the fence.

The knife handle was smooth in her hands as she pulled it from the tar roof.

'I don't feel anything anymore. All that exists now is pain. Pain and more pain. We've become monsters that throw pain around. We don't trust anyone anymore and want to kill all newcomers.'

A few minutes passed as Lily sat thinking to herself.

'All thats left in the world is pain and loss. I wish I could see something again. Just feel something.' As she thought, she didn't realize the knife had drawn blood from her fingertip. For a split second, she thought of all the teenagers that had been rushed into the emergency room for slitting their wrists and what it would feel like to end it all. Just let life slip away.

In a second of rash decision making, she drew the blade along the top of her right arm, drawing blood. It pooled in her lap as she felt her arm grow warm and her heart appear in her fore arm. Again and again she drew the blade over her arm feeling the warmth spread all over.

Stabbing the knife into the roof, she stood up and let the blood pool around her feet. Strangely, she did not feel light headed but relief. She felt her troubles bleeding away.

Almost as if she was in a trance, she walked over to the edge of the roof and looked down. Walkers had found a way through the fence and had located themselves around the wall. She held her bloody hand out over the wall and watched the blood drip down. They smelled the blood and began to huddle around the pool it was forming. Their gnarled hands reached up expectantly at her as if she was going to fall into their open hands to be eaten.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and felt the wind blow through what was left of her hair. Taking another deep breath, she stepped down.