Sighing, she closed her eyes and felt the wind blow through what was left of her hair. She stepped down from the ledge stumbling back onto the roof.

Standing in the doorway was Carl staring at her with horror filled eyes. He didn't know wether to run to her or run from her, so he opted to stare at her with his mouth hanging open.

"Lily?" he asked, his voice barely reaching her ears.

She made her way over to the door holding her bloody hand out in front of her. The simple motion made her feel light-headed. "Carl," she whispered as he backed into the dark doorway.

He didn't know if she'd been bitten or not. "What happened?"

'There's no way for him to understand what I went through and why I did what I did.'

"You don't need to understand why I did it…" she began immediately regretting her rash choice. 'It's not going to help anything. Nothing is going to come from this.'

"You did it to yourself?"

She didn't want to get blood on him, so she placed her bloody hand on the railing behind him as she leaned in close.

"I needed to feel something," she said quietly closing her eyes. "To let me know I survived what I made it through."

"But you already hurt everywhere," he argued. "You can't walk without limping. Why did you hurt yourself on purpose?"

"Once for every time," she said quietly as realization hit her as she pulled herself upright and began to walk down the stairs. He had no idea what it meant, but followed after her to make sure she got back to the cell block in one piece.

Before walking into the cell block, she checked to make sure no one would see her. The room was empty so she rushed to her cell and began throwing her things into her backpack. There were a few tank tops, the knitting needles, some yarn, clean underwear, a pair of pants and three water bottles. Taking a knife from Daryl's pack, she put it in her bloody pocket before filling up the water bottles in the sink.

She threw the pack over her shoulder as the cell began to spin. The wall was cold under her hand as she braced herself up against it.

'Just leave,' she thought to herself as she breathed. 'Leave now and there will be no more heartache. No more people to worry for. You can live on your own. Leave.'

She rushed down the stairs from the perch and through the back door where Carl was still standing. With her clean hand she took the back of his head and placed a hiss on his head.

"Take care of Little Ass Kicker for me," she said as she took off down the hallway. When she turned to look over her shoulder, she saw Carl had vanished. There would be no telling how little time she would have to leave. He was going to tell someone she was leaving and they would come after her.

Against her dizzy head, she began to sprint through the halls in the hopes of getting a head start from everyone.

'I can't stand someone else leaving. I don't want to watch anybody else die. Just leave.'

A door slamming open behind her echoed through the halls.

"Lily!" Rick shouted.

"Lily," the others echoed behind him.

She liked to think she got quite far, but in actuality, she didn't even make it out of the prison before she ran into walkers. Taking a sharp left turn, she ran down the empty hall. At the end were more walkers forcing her to backtrack and take another hallway where she ran right into Merle.

"Hey, blondie," he smiled as he grabbed her arm with his one good hand.

"Get off me!" she screamed throwing her bloody fist at him.

"Now, what's this?" He asked as he dodged her punch. "Turning yourself into walker bait?" He grabbed her arm and dragged her into a side room and closed the door where he placed his hand over her mouth.

"Keep quiet," he whispered. She dug her nails into his skin wherever she could reach in the hope of freeing herself, but his hold didn't lessen on her. "I said shut it, Lily."

That was the first time he'd ever used her real name and the shock from hearing him say it forced her to stop fighting. He didn't lessen his grip on her for several minutes.

As she stopped fighting him, she heard the walkers shuffle past. A few stopped at the door, most likely because they smelled her blood, but they eventually got bored and left. It was fifteen minutes before the hallways seemed clear enough to open the door.

"Let me go," she said when he pulled his hand away and opened the door. In the light of the hall she could see the blood her bloody hand had smeared over his face and arms.

"I can't. They need you," he said flatly as he dragged her back toward cell block C.

The more she fought against him, she more dizzy she got until eventually she couldn't stand. That was when Merle tore off her pack and put it on. He then lifted her from the ground and threw her over a shoulder where she hung like a sack of flour. His knife arm held onto her legs to keep her from falling.

"Hey, Officer Friendly!" Merle shouted when he got close to their group again. "I foun' 'er."

Glenn's voice filled her ears. "You didn't have to kill her!" It was apparent he was not happy Merle had found her, but he was happy she had been found.

"I didn't kill 'er. She passed out. Can't walk."

Fast footsteps filled her ears after a few more walkers were killed from within the depth of the prison.

"Bring her back to the cell block," Maggie said as she ran ahead of him.

Rick and Daryl who had most likely stormed the prison by themselves were most likely deep within it and would not show up for several more minutes. When they did show up, Daryl was the first to be informed about what happened and he stomped his way up to the perch where Lily was alone in her cell sitting on the floor.

"What the hell did you do?!" Daryl shouted at her when he followed the trail of dried blood up to her cell. He stormed in and grabbed her forearms pulling her to her feet. "What did you do to yourself?" he asked again but with more force than worry.

"I needed to feel something!" the weak Lily shouted at him having regained some of her strength back. Again, she was trying to put of a facade of strength she didn't have. "I needed to know if everything I was living was real or not because everything I've ever known has left me! I needed to know if I was still alive!"

"So you hurt yourself?!"

She didn't answer. She was ashamed to answer at first.

"You thought this was the answer?" he shouted ripping the rag from her arm revealing the three gashes she'd cut into her arm and causing them to bleed.

"For years I helped people who had slit their wrists and many I was able to save, but I never understood why they did it! To end everything. They did it to feel something! They did it to end their pain. I can't end my pain because I'm too much of a coward to do it! I'm too much of a coward to take any life other than a walker so I'm doomed to watch my friends die and doomed to die alone!"

"You're not alone! You've never been alone! There's just been bad people and you met them!"

The whole room started to spin as she felt her blood boiling, making it hard to focus on him.

"How would you know? You haven't spent more than fifteen minutes with any of them before you shot them!"

"Did they give me a reason to trust them?"

"No," she said when she realized she was defending the people who had taken her. "I just—you—" Daryl began to grow out of focus.

"I what?!" he snapped. "If you're gonna say it, jus' say it! I can take it!"

"What you—" Her legs gave out under her causing her to fall.

"Don't you pass out on me!" he shouted catching her. "We ain't done discussing this yet!"

As hard as she fought to remain conscious, her body sent her to sleep.

I want to thank DarylDixonsLover and Nellie for always reviewing.