Let Reality be Reality

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." ~ Lao Tzu

The drive from Evil Lair to a neutral place began in silence interrupted only by the rapid tapping of frigid sleet hitting the windshield and the occasional swish of the wiper blades. It was a strange feeling for Metro Man to be travelling by car in his current state of dress. It felt a bit like he was golfing in an expensive suit; the activity didn't match the attire. As quite a large man he fit relatively well in the car; which he was quite grateful for since he hated the feeling of being packed in his transportation like a sardine. He was certain Megamind would have acquired/stolen a smaller vehicle if he needn't have worried how Minion's likewise bulky gorilla suit would fit into it. Maybe it was his own mentality, but he thought Megamind looked a bit dwarfed by the interior of the car.

Leaving the warehouse district was simple with invisibility active. The hero didn't complain about this as it drastically lowered his chances of getting caught in Megamind's car and nobody was out and about to get hit by them at this in this awful weather either. Dr. Mardling had insisted they meet especially early. He assumed she suspected Megamind had the place wired and was hoping the villain would be asleep while they spoke. Sunrise was still at least 40 minutes away and anyone with enough sense to a) stay inside before dawn in a city with at least five supervillains occupying it and b) stay in out of a rapidly worsening sleet storm - was practically everyone. This usually included Megamind himself, so the fact that the other alien was doing the opposite of that for the sake of having a civil conversation on neutral ground was… worrying.

Megamind was going out of his comfort zone just to keep Metro Man out of his lair.

As far as Metro Man knew Megamind; this was just out of character. That meant Megamind must feel utterly out of his element. That was something of a relief because, of course, Metro Man did too. They hadn't even bantered beforehand because bantering was part of the Game. This felt so far outside the Game that Metro Man barely knew how to interact with Megamind at all. The routine had been disrupted, leaving him floundering for some solid ground to stand on. Thus far all he had figured out was that silence seemed to be doing the trick in keeping things polite.

Effective as it might be, silence was exactly the opposite of what they needed to do in order to work this out. Metro Man would HAVE to say something and knowing Megamind it was up to him to make the first move. It was dicey… but he should try to make the little guy laugh if he could. That, at least, was something they seemed to have in common with humans – and he was finally starting to feel comfortable referring to them as different things. Laughing made everything better, if only temporarily. He wondered if that was convergent evolution or just dumb luck, but either way it didn't matter.

Metro Man regretted for the millionth time that morning rushing over so fast without warning. Of course Megamind had been watching them! So, of course he was jumpy now – and Metro Man had started it. Whoever started the battle generally decided how the tone of the encounter continued, and Metro Man had flown in like a bat out of hell and damn well started spying before getting caught and freaking Megamind out again. No wonder the little guy was anxious and cranky and generally put-out by the entire situation.

Once he knew what was going on, though, Metro Man needed to see what Megamind was doing. He needed to know how the little guy was dealing with things. He needed to know because he had always had the urge to constantly check up on Megamind for one reason or another. It was like he was obsessed.

In his youth he'd thought it was a paranoid suspicion that Megamind was dangerous. Having to constantly reassure himself that the blue kid wasn't doing anything untoward. That didn't make much sense because even when the little guy was up to something Metro Man never interrupted unless it sounded legitimately alarming, and generally when it meant Megamind might get lynched for irritating everyone too much. With the realization of their shared biology and what little he could recall of territorial behavior in animals it now became abundantly clear that the reason he seemed to be obsessed with Megamind was… because he was obsessed with Megamind... but that was normal and to be expected.

It was both a huge relief and somewhat terrifying. Also disturbing because now that he'd acknowledged it, he felt he had… a good excuse to keep doing it and not feel so guilty.

Keep doing it. Because constantly following someone you think belongs to you is normal.

He'd arrested people with that thought pattern before! Lots of them! They're called stalkers! Even Dr. Mardling's reassurance that it was a healthy behavior for a species with his instincts didn't help with that realization. By human standards, he should be in jail several dozen times over. The only reason he hadn't been caught was because a) he could do it very subtly with his powers, and if he was caught b) he could just say a Hero was checking up on a Villain to see what he was up to.

It felt far too much like he'd gotten off easy on a legitimate crime because he had a high level of skill not getting caught and good publicity… and rich parents.

No wonder Megamind regarded him with so much general suspicion. He was too smart not to.

Dr. Mardling had speculated that all males, mainly territorial or not, still had areas of their own. This neatly explained Megamind's monitoring of Roxanne just as well as Metro Man's monitoring of Megamind… as well as how Metro Man apparently wasn't allowed inside a space located inside his own territory.

It was a bubble: the territorial boundary of a blue male inside the breadth of a territorial male's boundaries.

The blue man was clearly uncomfortable being outside, too. Bundled up was a bit of an understatement for sure. Megamind usually wore nothing more or less than his form-fitting villain regalia plus one cape. That had all been left behind and replaced by more practical things - even though all were still black and blue and sporting spikes. The heater in the car was on as high as it would go (though silent and effective as only Megamind's skills could achieve) and even the usual scant amount of Megamind's skin that Metro Man could normally see was obscured by a heated hooded cape, cowl and mask ensemble. Minion must have worked very hard on it too because it still suited the wearer's style while providing warmth and blocking wet and wind.

The sleet hadn't started until Megamind had opened the garage door to leave, at which point a little 'Of-course-it's-going-to-do-this-now' hissy fit ended with the cape and cowl and "I-knew-you-would-need-it, -Sir," from Minion and a lot of grumbling.

It wasn't until they passed into a more populated area and the invisibility was switched off for simple safety reasons did Metro Man break the silence.

"I think I've known I'm territorial for fifteen years now."

Megamind didn't answer, though he did glance in his passenger's direction as acknowledgement. Yeah, Megamind having the opportunity to talk and not talking was a big red flag. If it was possible to smell if someone was nervous, well – he hoped it was all in his head and he hated that it was familiar too.

"When you started gathering a lot more metal from the scrap yards and getting closer to the outskirts of the city," Metro Man continued. "I knew before I saw you doing it in person because I could smell where you had been. I always thought it was weird just how much I rely on smelling everything around me. It's like having a second set of eyes. I can find Roxanne pretty much anywhere just by following her perfume mixed with the smell she has on her own... it makes a unique combination. Sometimes it even gets muddled and my senses are a little confused if she changes her diet too much. Or drinks too much."

Megamind swallowed. "Can you track anyone that way?"

"Yeah, usually. If it's been too long or I can't remember what smells I'm looking for I might lose the trail."

"So how did you find me after the first time you invaded my lair?" Megamind asked. "I suspected it was the soundproofing that gave me away, not your bloodhound skills."

Metro Man nodded. "It was the soundproofing. Silence is surprisingly easy for me to find since there's so little of it, and large areas of silence sort of pop out at me because it just feels like something's missing there. I could track your scent up to a certain point, but the wind had taken so much of it I lost you on the way. If you had touched something with your skin I could tell where you'd been for a week or so as long as those things hadn't been cleaned or overpowered by another smell in the meantime."

"So what you're saying is; my scent is so enticing you couldn't forget it." Teasing. Obvious.

Obnoxious, brilliant, little shit. "Well… memorable. Kindergarten on, so yeah."

Megamind didn't say anything else for a minute or so. He seemed to be mulling some things over, though Metro Man was wondering if he was just trying to settle in to their weird situation and figure out where he actually wanted to go. They had neither discussed nor brought up the very subject of a destination; Megamind had simply started driving. Metro Man was being carried along on the tide.

The sleet continued to pound on the car, Megamind drove carefully due to the treacherous conditions, and the curious conversation continued.

"Is there anything that significantly disrupts your ability to track by scent?"

Metro Man thought. "Nothing has yet, but if there was why would I tell you? You're already plotting to use this to your advantage somehow, aren't you?"

"Yes," Megamind admitted easily. "And you can see in infrared."

"Yeah," Metro Man said, surprised at the direct statement.

"Me too."

THAT hit Metro Man hard. All the other things he'd learned that morning were just ideas and concepts he hadn't really accepted fully yet. Knowing that they were the same species felt too big of a thing to compute just yet. Yet knowing that a way he physically saw the world wasn't unique to him and Megamind could do it too? It made him feel a deep ache that he couldn't explain. They'd wasted so much time.

More sleet and silence. Megamind glanced over again tensely, waiting. Metro Man just hovered in a haze of empathy and regret. Damn it, Megamind was so much closer now than he'd ever been without a fight being involved, and now that he thought about it, he could smell how nervous the little guy was. It was faint but there in a very real way, permeating the air in the enclosed space they were both occupying. Had Metro Man ever been in an enclosed space with Megamind for this long before? Not one this size. An interrogation room maybe; but those smelled so strongly of disinfectant and coffee that a subtle odor like this would be missed if he wasn't looking for it.

Metro Man took in a breath through his mouth and caught more of it. Humans might smell familiar if he knew them and extremes of emotion might cause a change, but with the blue man this close to him? Megamind smelled expressive the way Metro Man would describe a face as expressive. It was nowhere near as blatant a signal as when Megamind was aroused; it just made him more present. Was this how Metro Man could read him so well while they fought? He could tell if he'd taken things too far by tasting the air? The smell of the little guy's blood always seemed to explode around him no matter how small the amount, too. Knowing when to be more careful was just so easy when every minor scrape made the air taste of hurt and he could sense real fear like that. Even if he didn't know it was happening consciously.

Moreover, what would that arousal smell be like if Metro Man was face-to-face with him? It already made the air so thick with scent Metro Man could taste it from blocks away!

Would Megamind himself taste that way?

SHIT.

Metro Man rubbed his face with his hands and let out a slow breath. Stay on topic, Wayne. "I've tried explaining what heat looks like before, but nobody seems to get it. So I just stopped talking about it."

"I don't think something like that can really be explained with words, old friend. One would have to create a simulation of it – an example - and even then it'd only be using colors that represent what 'heat' looks like to us; a visual allegory. Still nothing like what we really see. Like trying to explain to a human what flowers look like to butterflies or bees. They don't physically have the bits to know."

"I sometimes describe it as a sort of glow because of the infrared cameras I've seen display red and blue, so people just get that. But it's not that." Metro Man thought. "I still see red and blue outside of heat. It's more like a-"

Megamind offered, "A pressure change? I can't see density, though I'm assuming you can…"

"Uh-huh."

"But density still looks like something else than heat, right?"

"Yeah."

Megamind groaned a little. "But it's the closest I can do describing something that isn't a color or a glow because I don't know what density looks like. It's a third thing outside of light and color that I can't quite describe because… because… English doesn't need to know what heat looks like! My Uncles asked me once and all I could do was demand they explain to a colorblind person what blue was. One simply can't."

Metro Man laughed. "So it's a language problem, not an us problem."

Megamind did not laugh, but a light airy scent floated over to him for a moment or two, pushed throughout the cab by the heating. Metro Man thought that might be amusement, but he wasn't sure. He was going to have to practice this. Stay near Megamind, prod his feelings, and see what smells meant what.

"Are you gonna' tell me where we're going?"

"If you can wait two minutes you'll find out," Megamind quipped.

Metro Man grinned. "Ah, so I've been kidnapped! I knew you'd catch me eventually, you fiend."

"Wha-" Megamind startled, tapering off the instant his lack of attention allowed the tires to lose traction and they slid sideways toward the edge of the curve he had just turned into. Megamind calmly reached down and pushed a button that made spikes pop out of the wheels, which sounded terrible but did the job, and they were righted soon enough. He was already driving slowly enough that they didn't even jolt from the correction. A few seconds of tense reorientation commenced before Megamind started talking as if nothing had happened. "What got you to-"

"Are you sure you should be driving?" Metro Man asked pointedly. He had barely restrained himself from an effort to right the car himself, which he was sure would have only made Megamind furious. He'd only managed that because there was no one else on the road and nothing in the immediate vicinity to hit them and no drop on the side – sliding into a ditch would have just been irritating, but the risk had still been very real. "I seriously mean nothing against your driving skills, but we're trying to navigate a city-wide ice rink at this point!"

"Well, I'm certainly not walking in this and I do NOT want to fly in it either!" Megamind snapped. "Besides, I don't want you in my lair any longer than absolutely necessary." Megamind finished with a flat drawl.

"That's cold," Metro Man said naturally countering the snarky attitude with teasing. "Is that what you tell people when you kick them out of bed?"

Megamind did laugh then, and the tension eased. "That is very much not Hero speak!"

"Hey, I've been kidnapped. Tradition dictates that I can be snarky. Your rules, Little Buddy, not mine."

"No. No-no-no-no-no-no… you're trying to catch me off-guard. It won't work," he challenged.

Metro Man snorted. "I am offended by that – I just want to talk to you."

"I'd know if you were offended," the blue man snapped back.

"Yeah? How?"

"I'd smell it."

For the second time, Metro Man's mind ground to a halt. Well, fuck. "I guess my dastardly plan to hang out with you and figure out that exact thing so I can read you better is going to fail, then?"

Megamind let out a slow breath. "I haven't figured out all the nuances yet."

"…was that implying you want to?"

"No!"

"Liar," Metro Man laughed.

"Wayne," Megamind warned.

"That reminds me," Metro Man said. "Why do you hate it when I call you Buddy? That's your name, isn't it?"

"That's what the Warden named me, not my real name," the blue man said darkly.

"Well, we can't know what our real names-" Metro Man abruptly sat up in his seat. "You remember. Do you actually know your-?"

Megamind slammed on the brakes just after reaching over and unlatching Metro Man's seatbelt. The big man's legs didn't find purchase until his knees nearly dented the glove compartment.

"Hey!" Metro Man snapped, quickly returning to his seat.

"Oh, look," Megamind said flatly. "We're here." He got out without waiting for his passenger to follow him, then locked the doors so Metro Man had to pull the knob on his side just to get out.

Metro Man caught up to him easily as they approached the building. "I'll take that as a 'shut up'."

"As it was intended," Megamind said cheerfully. "After you."

Metro Man paused the instant the smaller man held the door open for him and the smells from the inside of the building hit. He turned to Megamind and crossed his arms. "You mean to tell me," he said incredulously, "-that after complaining about the weather and bundling up against the cold and insisting on driving in this frozen hellscape because you're too mad at me to let me fly us here you want to get ice cream."

Megamind scoffed. "No, I want a malt. You get whatever you want." He ducked under Metro Man's elbow and strolled inside to sit at the counter while Metro Man glared at the back of his head.

Metro Man grumbled and walked inside so he didn't keep letting the warm air out. "How is there even such a thing as a 24-hour malt shop?"

"It's a big city," the swarthy man behind the counter said. "You never know what people want until you offer it." He seemed utterly unconcerned to see Metro Man, let alone Megamind. Nobody else was there, unsurprisingly. The blue man gave him a nod and the other just started making what was apparently Megamind's usual order. "Two blocks down you can get sushi at 1 am, really good stuff too."

"It's around six in the morning in the middle of an ice storm. How are you open? How did you even get here?" Metro Man asked as he sat on the stool next to the other alien.

"Got an apartment upstairs. Don't even need a car." The man set the malt he'd been putting together in the mixer and gestured to Metro Man for his order. "If the lights are on and I'm in sight of the cameras, I get paid."

"Coffee. Who owns this place?"

"Your starboard," the guy said.

"Uh-huh." Metro Man turned to his starboard. "So, what are you smuggling through here, boss?" he asked Megamind.

Megamind grinned. "Things the city is supposed to provide for prisoners and very often doesn't, usually out of petty spite. Toiletries, especially for female inmates. Books, life-saving medicines, letters from home that get 'lost' in the mail rooms, letters to home that get tossed in the trash..."

That wasn't worth the drama of busting it up, but he had a suspicion. Metro Man raised a brow. "Anything else?"

Megamind nodded. "Beanie Babies. How's that going, Anthony?"

"Got seven grand for a bear yesterday," the large man answered.

Megamind laughed. "Millenium Bear? Was it magenta? Either way they overpaid."

"Nope, chef's getup. Hat an' all," Anthony said as he set his boss's malt on the counter. "Little black book."

"Chef Robuchon! Well done. Market value, too."

Metro Man pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly counted to ten while Megamind smugly took off his cowl arrangement and started to eat. Only the smell of coffee helped the mental trick work. Megamind was clearly testing the waters here. He definitely hadn't expected to be brought directly to one of the villain's smuggling dens, whether it still made a profit as an ice cream parlor too was irrelevant. What they were doing was illegal, definitely, and Metro Man ought to have taken them both in over it.

But… he'd seen horrible things in his years doing this job; human trafficking, assassination, torture, revenge killings targeting mobsters' innocent children, drugs, lobbyists… none of which Megamind did as far as Metro Man knew. Ever. The sliding scale of morality in his head gave zero damns about tampons, letters, and smartly dressed teddy bears in terms of shady deals. He hadn't sensed any lies either; their hearts were steady and Megamind's scent was stable.

On top of that, Metro Man really did need to talk to him about the mess they were in. This wasn't worth the trouble. They could have it.

"Whatever," he concluded tiredly, leaning his elbows on the counter.

Anthony set the coffee mug down, paused a second, then put the pot on a towel on the counter too since it looked like the hero might need it. Then he put the cream and sugar next to it. "What'd you do to him, boss?"

"Anthony, would you mind closing shop for a while?" Megamind asked pleasantly.

"Sure thing." The man immediately grabbed his coat, locked the door behind him, and Metro Man didn't hear him stop walking until he got to the gas station down the street, where he started playing cards with the clerk, so Megamind presumably owned THAT too.

Megamind waited for a reaction for a good couple of minutes before the brute finally stopped pinching his nose and started drinking his coffee. He was honestly surprised he wasn't being carted back to prison right now. It'd been a huge risk and he knew it, but Metro Man had surprisingly let it go. He was very tempted to give him a thank you or snide congratulations on having his priorities straight, though neither were likely to go over well. It was somewhat of a shame Megamind didn't have anything to set the Hero off on a rant, to his knowledge at least. He decided to begin the conversation they desperately needed to have instead.

"It was rather unfair of the good doctor to wait until I was stranded at my lair and spoil the secret without even letting me know," he said.

Metro Man added sugar to his cup. "She's my primary doctor and I had a right to know. Still, you'd better not-"

"I rather like her," Megamind admitted. "Don't concern yourself with any rev-ahnge."

"Revenge. You never let anything go for free and I know it."

The blue man shrugged. "I'll just make them pay for any more things they want for the museum. That Orrery took a while to build, you know."

"That's the model of our original solar system?"

"Yes, as close as I can get as of yet." Megamind took a few sips of his Malt, shuddered, took the coffee pot and poured a small cup of his own from it, then started alternating the drinks.

"Just… why?" Metro Man asked, exasperated with the temperature thing at this point.

Megamind shrugged. "I got used to cold things growing up, and while hot things might feel more pleasant, I can't escape nostalgia."

"I saw an internet parody of people doing exactly that and their teeth exploded."

Megamind covered his mouth and chortled.

"Oh, you saw it too," Metro Man said.

"I have trouble imagining you having much time at all to play on the internet, much less sleep."

Metro Man frowned down at him. Only three other people had ever put together that he had very little of a life outside of his work, not counting his dad who had known but didn't care. Megamind mentioning it was a surprise. "Was that simple math or do you care?"

Megamind swirled his coffee a bit. "Being that reliable has got to suck. You don't get to have much of a life at all, do you?" When it became apparent that he wasn't about to get another reply, Megamind nodded. "Your silence is deafening."

Metro Man grunted. "Change of subject?"

"Please," Megamind said.

"What did you think I would do when I headed to your lair? I wasn't about to attack-"

Megamind huffed a short laugh. "That is not what I was worried about. You know I can take a hit from you and it's never bothered me before. I panicked because I was hoping I'd get more warning in before having to wade through the waters of am-Beh-guity discussing this."

"How much time were you hoping for before talking this over? You've known a lot longer than I have."

"Certainly more than two and a half minutes after you got the memo! The good doctor didn't even bother to warn me she was telling you!" Megamind said.

"That's fair. You were watching anyway, so does it matter?"

"Yes it does," Megamind snapped. "However… you deserved to know and I deserved to be warned. As usual only one of us got what they wanted. So – have at it."

"You're expecting me to go first? You've known longer than I have." Metro Man said.

"While that may be true I am hardly the one in command of the situation am I?"

Metro Man stared guiltily at his cup. "I-"

"Before you say anything else, remember that we are not human."

"I know that," the hero grumbled irately.

"I don't think you do." Megamind put his shake down and turned to face him. "I think you're expecting me to be upset at or even resentful of you for something that isn't your fault or mine. You and I are no more responsible for this mess than we are for the singularity that devoured our worlds. We're both being driven by basic instinct in precisely the same way, despite our differences in what those instincts are. I am a lot more frustrated with the situation itself than anything else!"

"What do you mean?"

"It's the lack of basic adult instruction we never got from our own people – behavioral conditioning via living in a world that operated by these rules already, subtle cues we could have gotten watching mated adults interact with each other the way children learn from their parents and peers here, rudimentary sexual education classes – SOMETHING, ANYTHING that would have given us a foundation for understanding how this WORKS."

Metro Man seemed to settle and watch Megamind's minor tantrum with clear empathy.

"Think about it; if we had grown up in a society where all of this was normal it wouldn't be bothering us at all, would it? We grew up knowing that couples hold hands and walk in parks and press their lips together and-" Megamind paused to breathe.

"You don't like that either?" Metro Man asked.

"We are flying blind here and struggling with inverted controls because the social structure we witnessed and were taught growing up turned out to be just plain wrong." Megamind slammed his fists down on the counter, then rubbed his temples and sighed in frustration. When he started speaking again it was much less rant-like.

"So, old friend, before you start associating the behaviors and social structures of aliens - and that very much IS what we are - with the ideals of human tribalism and conquest and whatever else… do us both a favor and please try to assimilate this concept first." The blue man climbed up onto his stool and knelt there, holding Metro Man's shoulders and facing him eye-to-eye. "We. Are. NOT. Human. What we do and don't do is completely separate and has absolutely nothing to do with how these people," he gestured to the citizens of Metro City walking past the windows of the shop, "-act and think. We will never make any headway if you cannot accept that. YES, you are territorial and have enormously disproportionate powers compared to females and males like me. YES, I am sequestered within your territory and have been since we landed on this planet. NO, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Okay?"

Metro Man nodded and put his hands on Megamind's shoulders to match him. "I'll try."

"Good. And in case you haven't noticed I'm still here. I have never left the city. It honestly never even occurred to me to try it until after I discovered I was living inside a territory in the first place. So, much as it pains me to admit it," he sat back and knelt on the stool instead. "You must be doing something right."

"I know you've never left," he admitted quietly.

Megamind raised a brow. "How?"

"I listened sometimes. You might have decided to terrorize another city." It sounded like a lame excuse even to his own ears so he included the truth. "And I didn't know how other heroes would react to you."

"Looking out for me?" Megamind grinned superiorly. The blue man clearly knew he'd scored a victory with that one when his green eyes lit up. "I'm torn between indignation and flattery."

"This is not funny, Megamind."

"It's a little funny Metro Mahn," he echoed.

"Michigan doesn't have the death penalty," Metro Man stated flatly.

Megamind got back on his stool properly and picked up his malt again. "As if I'm stupid enough to relocate to a place where they do."

"Good," Metro Man said. "I'm pretty worried about what I might do if you were gone, or if someone managed to seriously hurt you."

Megamind sighed. "I'd considered that too. I'm pretty good at keeping out of serious trouble if you're not my target. I'm stronger and more resilient and heal faster than these people do, as should be expected now that we know our similarities, but I am not invulnerable like you are. For the time being I believe it would be best to put any battles on hold until we know more. For now, at least, the game is postponed."

Metro Man frowned down at the blue man, hearing and smelling just how uneasy that made him. "Sorry."

"Again, not your fault. It makes no sense to be mad at you for it," Megamind said.

"I didn't expect you to feel that way. I can honestly say I never… you're being so sensible. That and I'm kind of used to everything being my fault as far as rel- uh, interactions go," Metro Man said.

"You can say relationship," Megamind said. "That word applies to friendships and rivalries as well. You don't have to be romantically involved with someone to relate to them."

Megamind finished his malt and switched to coffee. The silence was comfortable enough that they didn't break it until the pot was empty and Megamind started cleaning up.

"Hey," Metro Man started. "I heard your conversation with Roxanne when I got back from Iceland. Some of it anyway."

Megamind gave him a truly terrified look from behind the counter. "What-"

"Nothing you need to be embarrassed about," he said quickly. Metro Man was a bit disturbed by just how much alarm Megamind had given the simple subject. WHAT had they talked about that he HADN'T heard? Going for honesty, he continued and tried to be teasing. "That look really makes me wonder what I missed, though."

"Nothing you need to know," Megamind said flatly, icily.

That was a guilty action. It was so obviously guilty to someone who dealt with criminals lying on the regular that his first thoughts went to: "What did you DO!?" then cycled to "Or what did SHE do?" Metro man was almost disappointed in hoping that it had been both. These two very obviously got along great when the situation allowed, so it couldn't be something bad. That left something either mundane they expected him to overreact to or something sensational they were both perfectly fine with… that they expected him to overreact to. Either way it was a mutual secret.

"You figured out how to make shrink bombs or something? And you felt that Roxanne needed to know for some reason. Will they actually effect me?" Metro Man drawled.

"You, no; your costume, yes."

"…that's just mean."

"Villain," Megamind replied cheerfully. "And why it was only polite to let Miss Ritchie know to stay out of range." With everything put away, Megamind regarded Metro Man for a moment before opening the door to the back. "I'll be right back. No peeking."

While Metro Man was curious, he waited patiently. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was all going to end in a fight. It always did with them. Yet, Megamind was being astoundingly reasonable. Maybe it was just because he had comparatively more time to think things through, or because he'd weighed the pros and cons of it all and already made up his mind on a plan. It galled the hero a bit to admit it, but when it came right down to it the blue man was very good at coming up with ways to manipulate everyone around him and make them think it was their idea.

Maybe that was instinct too. How else was a little thing like that going to keep guys like Metro Man from dominating them completely.

When Megamind came back his hands were behind him and he was obviously holding something. "Is it safe to say this was a successful foray into being a bit more than enemies?"

Metro Man smiled. "Definitely."

With a nod, Megamind moved the box to his front and held it out.

"What's this?"

"A good will gift. Now go patrol before someone reports you missing again."

Roxanne was grinning before she even opened the window to answer the knocking.

"What did you do now?" she laughed.

Metro Man deflated a little as he flew in to stand on the floor. "I haven't even said anything yet!"

"This would be, what, the third time this year you've come to me asking for relationship advice? And always before I leave for work. Come in, Wayne. I'll make coffee," she said as she quickly closed the window behind him to keep out the cold.

"None for me, thanks." He went to the bathroom to brush off the mist that had frozen to him in the bathtub before coming back out to join her, leaving the box in there in the hopes she wouldn't notice he'd been carrying it. "Please call in today, it's hell on ice out there."

"I just finished some transcripts!"

"Stay here or I'll call the Mayor and advise a weather emergency so the office closes too." He laughed at the mean glare she gave him.

"You already did that, didn't you?"

"Not just for you, but yes."

Roxanne threw her dish towel in the sink grumpily. "Up all night writing and now I can't even turn it in!"

"But you can sleep all day-"

"I guess," she said as she began spooning the grounds into the filter.

"So you're going to drink coffee and then go to sleep?"

"It's never kept me from sleeping before," she said. "Now spill, who's got you worked up this time? Is she at least smarter than the last one?"

Comparatively, his last love interest had the brain of a sea sponge; as in none. Thankfully she didn't seem to care who he was, just what he was good at; essentially they had just been using each other for sex. She had been sufficiently independent to not need or want him around constantly, which was how they had worked pretty well together for several months and made the inevitable breakup so easy it had nearly been eerie. They'd just stopped making appointments to get together until she eventually just texted him that she had found someone else and he wished them well.

Megamind, though…

Metro Man swallowed. "Definitely."

"Great! You always do better with the brainy types."

"So do you," he pointed out wryly.

"Nice volley," she laughed.

"Thank you."

"So, is there more?" she asked pointedly as she flipped the on switch on the coffee pot and turned around. "You'd better not start ranting about how gorgeous she is, because that's generally the first sign you're looking for quality in exactly the wrong places."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Not gorgeous exactly." Certainly attractive, though. He'd always thought the little guy was cute at least. "somewhat taller than my usual, and really thin. Odd fashion sense but it somehow works. Long, thin hands," he paused. "Bright, owlish green eyes."

Roxanne tried to picture that mentally. "Hair?"

Metro Man settled on, "Black."

"Ok, not bad. Doesn't sound like your usual type though. How did you meet?"

Megamind could probably tell her exactly how, in excruciating detail. Metro Man sighed and lay back on the couch. "We sort of got thrown into the same crappy situation."

Roxanne laughed. "You didn't hit on a hostage, did you?"

"No! I'd never-" she raised one brow and he stopped immediately. "-aside from you. There's a difference between someone who's panicked and someone who is actively snapping at the villain."

"Statistically, there HAS to be more than one person in this city capable of not-a-damsel snark."

"And he works at my new Museum," Metro Man drawled, recalling the bespectacled Assistant Curator who seemed to exist in a perpetual state of exasperation.

"Really?" she asked with interest. "What's his name?"

"Hey, MY relationship issues first, THEN yours," he complained.

"Fair enough. But you've given me plenty of information already. You want to date them, but currently aren't. There's a reason, which is why you came to me for advice. If it was their fault you would be doing that obnoxious thing where you just take the damage and insist everything is fine when it's clearly not. Which means it's, or at least you think it is, your fault. So once again; what did you do?"

Metro Man winced. He definitely knew the answer to that one. Talking around Roxanne's key point was the only way to make it out of this with his pride intact. "I've known them too long. You never see what's right in front of you, you know? I wasn't exactly nice in school, then we grew up and the only interaction we've had has been strictly professional. It wasn't until recently that I realized the potential for something with them."

"They went to our school. So, this is one of the smart kids that you didn't directly pick on but still didn't defend enough either because you ran in the same circles as the jerks that did, and didn't want to ostracize yourself from the social circle you were in. Normal teenager things." Roxanne sighed and palmed her face. "You do realize that's just normal kid stuff and you didn't really do anything wrong?"

"It still seems to be an issue."

Roxanne bit her bottom lip and sat on the couch arm near his head. "How bad was it?"

"Apparently worse than I thought," he admitted. All of that plus a prison. Someone had decided it was perfectly reasonable to raise a baby in a prison. Metro City, I thought I loved you… but you were a wolf in sheep's clothes all along.

"What's going on right now?" she asked.

"We went out for coffee and malts for some reason just this morning. Spent a long time talking it out and agreed to at least try. They're not going to antagonize me, I have to try to respect boundaries, that sort of thing. Nothing concrete has happened yet."

Roxanne thought a bit and ran her fingers through his hair to straighten it out after the wind had turned it turbulent. "What's in the box?"

Metro Man grumbled and reached up to pull her hair sideways in retaliation. She laughed and swatted at his hands while he groused about how impossible her perceptions skills were. Eventually they calmed down and he admitted, "I don't know yet."

"So go get it." When he brought it back Roxanne opened the box and started giggling helplessly.

"What?"

"Today was your first unofficial date, right?"

"What? No, it was-"

She tutted at him. "Wayne, you went to get what they wanted to get based on that malt comment, talked about your feelings, set ground rules for a possible future relationship, and got a present. That's a date."

"I... maybe. Why?"

She proffered the box so that Metro Man could look inside. He beheld two presumably very expensive beanie babies and groaned.

"It was only the first date," Roxanne said gleefully, "and you got crabs!"

One thing he could say about Roxanne and Megamind: they had a similar sense of humor.