Chapter 22: Not Without a Fight

Chris got dressed at home and packed a bag to take to Amanda's. She hadn't stayed at her apartment since she'd moved back home the week before. She hadn't asked Amanda but she didn't think she would object. She drove over to Amanda's and went upstairs. She still had the key she'd made for her when she moved in so she didn't have to knock. Frannie jumped on her as soon as she walked in the door. She barely let her walk all the way into the apartment. She was close on her heels as walked to the bedroom. It was six forty five and Amanda wasn't even ready. She was standing at her closet looking through her clothes wearing nothing but her underwear.

"Amanda" she said getting her attention.

"Oh good, you're here" she said looking at her over her shoulder.

"Babe" she whined.

"What?" Amanda asked still staring into her closet.

"It's almost seven. Why aren't you dressed yet?" She'd gone home, made sure her mother took her evening pills, started dinner, gotten in the shower, gotten dressed and packed a bag all in thirty minutes. She'd dropped Amanda off at six o'clock. She couldn't believe she wasn't ready yet.

"I can't decide what to wear" she said.

"Oh my god. You're being such a woman right now" Chris said under her breath but still loud enough for Amanda to hear. Amanda turned around and glared at her.

"Just help me" she said annoyed.

"It doesn't have to be fancy, Amanda. Just put on jeans and a nice shirt or something" she said flouncing down on the bed. Chris was wearing dark blue jeans and a purple strapless shirt with a white jacket and white sneakers. Amanda went over to her drawer and pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and pulled them on then went back to her closet and pulled a purple long sleeved shirt from its hanger. Her hair fell down around her face in its naturally curly state and she wore a light layer of makeup. Chris groaned when she saw Amanda was going to wear a purple shirt too. She always made fun of couples who coordinated when they went out. Amanda asked her what she was groaning about but Chris just shook her head and said it was nothing. She finished her look with a pair of black sneakers. "See that wasn't so hard was it?" Chris asked sarcastically.

"Don't be a smart ass" Amanda said as she walked over to grab her wallet and keys from the dresser. She stuffed both into her pocket and then left the bedroom. Chris followed and watched as she filled both of Frannie's bowls. When she finished, they left the apartment and headed to meet Beth at the restaurant. Amanda was nervous for this dinner. It'd taken her a lot longer to get dressed than normal because she was trying to think of what Beth would wear. It was a lost cause because she knew next to nothing about the woman so she had no idea what to expect. She didn't want Chris to be more interested in her ex than she was in her. As much as she tried to hide it, Chris could tell that she was anxious. She took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over to take Amanda's hand. She felt the tension in her hand slowly disappear. She hoped that this dinner would be uneventful and that the time would pass quickly.

Chris pulled in front of the restaurant and found a parking spot. She turned off the car and they both took off their seatbelts to get out. Chris opened her door and noticed that Amanda was just sitting there, staring out the window. She looked in the same direction to see what she was staring at but saw nothing but the side of a building. Amanda seemed to be in trance and Chris didn't even want to know what was going on in her head.

"Hey" she said getting Amanda's attention. Amanda snapped out of her zone and looked at her girlfriend. "You ready?" she asked. Amanda nodded, took a deep breath, then opened her door and got out of the car. Chris got out and met her on the sideway and they walked up to the restaurant together. Chris took Amanda by the hand as they walked, "Relax" she whispered. "It's gonna be fine". Amanda silently nodded her head kept walking. They went inside and had only a short wait to be seated at their reserved table. Chris ordered a bottle of wine that she knew Beth would like. She poured a glass for herself and Amanda and they waited for Beth to arrive. A few minutes later, she walked up to their table in white pants and green floral shirt. They both stood up to greet her. Amanda got a simple hello and a handshake while Chris got a kiss on the cheek and a hug that seemed a little more than just friendly. Chris pulled out her chair for her to sit then poured her a glass of wine before returning to her own seat. Beth took a sip from her glass and smiled.

"You remembered my wine?" she said obviously pleased.

"Uh, yeah. I did" Chris said picking up her menu. She looked it over and decided what she wanted and asked Amanda if she wanted to share an appetizer. Once they'd all settled on their picks for dinner, she waved the waitress over so they could order. Amanda reached for her wine glass and Beth noticed that she wasn't wearing her ring. Her mind immediately went to the possibility that she and Chris were having problems and what that could mean for her.

"So, how do you like it here in New York" Beth asked taking another sip of her wine.

"I like it fine" Chris answered. "It's different. Colder…but I like it".

"And your parents?"

"They don't have any complaints" she said picking up her wine glass and taking a sip.

"And you two, you've been married for how long now?" she asked trying to sound casual about her inquiry. Chris wasn't sure if she should tell Beth that she and Amanda weren't really married. She didn't want to upset Amanda and she didn't want to give Beth any ideas.

"Um, we're….we're actually not married" Chris said deciding to answer honestly. "We were working on a case, undercover posing as a married couple but we were never married" she explained. Amanda picked up her glass and took a large gulp of wine. "But we've been dating for, ummm, about a month now" she added quickly.

"Oh, I see". Beth got a noticeable spark in her eyes upon hearing this new piece of information. Chris didn't know what to say next. Luckily, their waitress came to the table with their food. They ate quietly for a while until Beth started making small talk. She asked Amanda about where she was from and how she'd made the move to New York. Amanda became more relaxed as the evening went on and her alcohol consumption increased. She talked more freely and showed Christina a lot of affection. Chris could tell that Beth thought Amanda was marking her territory but she knew that this was just how Amanda was, especially when she'd been drinking. They were at the restaurant for an hour and a half before finally asking for the check. Chris tried to pay but Beth insisted on taking care of the bill. "You can get the next one" she said flirtatiously. Amanda was past letting Beth's antics get to her. She could tell that Chris didn't like how Beth was acting. Once the bill was paid, they walked out of the restaurant together. They said goodbye and Chris and Amanda walked hand in hand back to Chris' car. She opened the door for Amanda to get in then walked around and got in the driver's seat and made the drive back to Amanda's apartment. Amanda didn't notice that Chris was planning to stay the night until she saw her pull an overnight bag from the backseat.

"You're staying the night?" she asked surprised. Chris nodded her head.

"Is that ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course" she said quickly. "I mean, Frannie really misses sharing the bed with you so…it'll be good for her for you to stay".

"Oh really. Just good for Frannie?" she asked pretending offence. Amanda laughed and Chris gave her a playful shove then headed up to her building in front of her. Amanda jogged to catch up with her and shoved her back. They went upstairs to the apartment and changed out of their clothes, not bothering to put any pajamas on. They barely made it to the bed before they'd divested each other of their underwear. Their hands roamed all over each other's bodies but, as expected, Chris took control. She knew exactly what she was doing. Amanda couldn't help her mind wandering back to what Chris had said to Rankins in the interrogation room about knowing what women wanted and how to please them. She knew that Chris was only guessing at what she wanted but her best guesses were the right ones so far. She let all of her thoughts go as Christina feasted on her body. She couldn't get enough of how she made her feel. She wanted to make her feel just as good. Chris was caught off guard when Amanda lifted her hips and rolled them over so that she was on top. She laughed lightly and tried to turn them back over but Amanda held her down.

"What are you doing?" she asked still trying to gain the upper hand. Amanda used her position and body weight to keep her from gaining back control.

"You can't always be in control" Amanda whispered in her ear.

"Who says?" Chris asked with a smirk.

"I do". She made a trail of kissed from her lips to her neck. "Tell me what to do" she whispered. Chris shifted uncomfortably beneath her. She wasn't used to being in this position. When Chris was with a straight woman she was always the dominate one. Even though she knew she shouldn't, she still thought of Amanda as straight. Chris was the first woman she'd ever been with and she'd probably be the last. "Christina" Amanda said pulling her from her thoughts. "Tell me what to do" she repeated. Chris pulled her down into a kiss, sliding her tongue past her lips to caress the inside of her mouth. She took her hand and led it to her chest, cupping and squeezing her breast. As their kiss continued, she pushed Amanda's hand further downward until it was positioned between her legs. She slipped her fingers between her folds and helped her find the right spot. When she felt Amanda's fingers rub against her clit, she moaned aloud.

"Right there" she breathed out. "Stay there". Amanda continued to rub against the spot that was eliciting the most response from her lover. "Harder" Chris moaned softly. "Uhmmm….faster". Amanda did everything Chris told her to do and was happy that it was pleasing to her. After a few more minutes of touching and teasing and instruction, Amanda brought Christina to orgasm. Chris thought that after giving Amanda a little bit of control she'd be satisfied but it only made Amanda want to control her more. She kept resisting Chris' efforts to take the reins.

"Amanda" she groaned in frustration.

"Let me make love to you" she whispered. It took everything inside of her not to blurt out a harsh no and push Amanda away. The last person that wanted that from her was Beth and that had ended horribly. She hadn't been with Amanda that long but she didn't want things to end badly between them. She didn't want things to end at all but, knowing Chris and her history, things would most likely end. If or when they did, she wanted it to be on good terms. They still had to work together. "Chris" Amanda said, again pulling her from her thoughts. She sighed and pushed Amanda from on top of her.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. She sat up and rubbed her temples, attempting to relax herself and push the thoughts away.

"What is it?" Amanda asked.

"I just….I'm not very good at this" she said honestly.

"Not very good at what?" she asked confused. Chris pulled her legs into her chest and shrugged her shoulders. On the inside, she was like a fortress. Amanda hit wall after wall of built up emotion. She wasn't usually the most patient person in the world but she felt like she did a good job of it with Christina. Here she was at another wall and she knew she'd have to take it down brick by brick. "Talk to me". Chris just sat there quietly. "Is this about dinner with Beth?"

"No".

"Is it about…Franco?"

"No" she said quickly with a hint of offence in her voice.

"Well, then what is it?" Amanda asked trying to get her frustration in check.

"I can't do this" she said softly.

"You can't do what?" Amanda asked nervously.

"I can't pretend….that I'm…." she sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know. I don't wanna hurt you Amanda".

"You won't".

"Yes, I will" she said softly. "I will hurt you. I don't wanna hurt you" she repeated. She was genuinely saddened by what she knew was inevitable. In her mind, she thought it would be best to stop things before they went too far. In her heart, she wanted to keep going and truly let herself fall in love for the first time. She just couldn't get out of her own way. Amanda didn't know what to say. She scoot closer to Chris and wrapped her arms around her, placing soft kisses on her shoulder. She could hear the sincerity in her voice. She sounded so sure of herself but Amanda was sure of herself too. She didn't want things to end between them and she wasn't going to let Chris sabotage their relationship. She wasn't going to give her up without a fight.