...Re-Estize...
'Supreme King Philip All-conqueror the great and mighty' as he now styled himself, rode out at the head of his army a mere two weeks after his coronation. They were some two hundred thousand strong, and they were marching east to reclaim E-Rantel. Philip grumbled his discontent under his breath. the Theocracy envoy had been so stupid to doubt his ability, it was time to prove them wrong.
He thought back on the conversation...
"King Philip, I..." The man had begun, but Philip raised his hand to stop him.
"Use my full title, or use the door and get out." Philip said imperiously.
"Ah yes, forgive me your grace. Supreme King Philip Allconqueror the Great," Philip nodded in approval, and he continued, "I am Yorin Oublert, envoy of the Slane Theocracy, as you know, we have supported you since the beginning of your righteous expulsion of the inept rulers of your kingdom, and it is with great joy that I bow to you on your throne." He paused and lowered himself briefly at the waist.
"Of course the support of the Theocracy are always welcome." Philip said.
The envoy nodded, and continued. "Yet we note that your conquest is still incomplete, and we fear you cannot take E-Rantel without assistance, so we ask that you refrain from your attack until we can support you properly." Yorin said politely.
Philip was outraged, "I am the Supreme King, the warmaster, the greatest general in the history of the world, of course I can take E-Rantel, I have decreed it, and now I will have it! Get out of my sight!"
The Theocracy envoy bowed and exited, and Philip fumed, he'd planned on reclaiming E-Rantel anyway after what that stupid whore had said before about his kingdom not being all his yet, or whatever stupid thing she'd uttered. It got under his skin, he resolved that when he returned, he'd overturn those stupid anti-slavery laws and she'd be the FIRST one on the auction block.
...Now here he was, only minutes from the border, and one of his companions...another idiot, leaned over and spoke to him.
"My lord, we're almost to the border." He said.
Philip groaned, the man had foul breath and spat when he talked, but he was on his side so...not intolerable. "So?" He asked.
"So perhaps now would be the time to say something to everyone, inspire them before we cross the border and make history." He said.
Philip thought that over for a moment, it was actually not a bad idea. "Alright, when we are at the bottom of that hill we should be over the border, I'll say something when we get to the top of it." He said with a grin.
A few minutes later, he halted his army and clumsily guided his horse to the top of the hill and looked down over his soldiers.
"People of Re-Estize! Today you do something great! You take back whats ours! You punish the traitors that served the Sorcerer King who killed two hundred thousand of our soldiers, you punish the sorcerer king who summoned monsters from their corpses, you will win back my kingdom, you will win for the Supreme King Philip Allconqueror the Great! Be proud of what you give your lives for, be proud of your chance to serve the greatest monarch in all the world's history, and do not fear his magic, for even if you die, my name will endure, and you may die knowing you served me well!"
Philip shouted, and beamed with pride as he returned to his position and ordered the march resumed. His speech had not had any applause to speak of. He smirked, he was so great that they were simply stunned into submissive awe at his speaking ability.
It had been a masterful decision of his to invade without any official declaration of war, this way the defeated royal faction couldn't run, he could catch the Sorcerer King off guard, he could capture E-Rantel, and maybe the Sorcerer King would even kneel to him and beg for his...life...unlife? He thought briefly of how impressed Albedo would be...surely she'd do anything for him after that. He clucked his tongue and returned to a favorite fantasy of her and princess Renner at the same time. All he had to do was capture the beauty...or better yet...capture them both...at the same time...
His eyes glazed over as the thoughts he was having took him far from the present, so much so that the soldier beside him had to shake him to bring him out of his daze.
There was a glint on the horizon, and as they drew closer, Philip recognized it for what it was, it was a fortification of stone, not very large, but large enough to block the entire area, given the relatively unstable ground on either side of the road it controlled.
Philip frowned. "Attack it! It blocks the way to our goal!" He said, and he ordered his men to charge. A noble beside him was saying something stupid, like how you can't expect an army to charge for a solid half mile going up even a hill as mild as this...but clearly the man was wrong.
As he and Philip drew closer they heard the humans manning the place shout, "Ahhh, its King Philip the Allconqueror, runaway!" He smirked and when his army drew up to the small fort, the door in was left open and the door out was closed and the position had been abandoned.
He advanced further, and looked around at the interior of the little fort when he came to it. It wasn't bad. Large stone blocks made up the bulk of it, a somewhat rectangular shape that cut across the road in both directions until the area where the ground became rough, the walls were about twelve feet high, and the towers roughly eighteen feet high and those were spaced out at roughly ten foot intervals, and the gates had been solid thick wood, probably harvested from the forest on either side that the road cut through.
He briefly pondered whether he should name this great battle after himself using his first name...or his last name.
He was still thinking that an hour later when he saw that there was another fort blocking the road to E-Rantel, and Philip smirked at it, fools, stupid, stupid fools.
That was when it happened. The gates began to creak, so loud and so slowly that was as if they were heavy as houses. And from beyond those doors came soldiers. Rank after rank after rank after rank, thousands upon thousands of them, forming up in perfect unity. Their halberds glinted in the bright noonday Sun, and for the first time in his life, Philip felt the icy chill of death.
The banner of King Zanac and the Baharuth Empire were arrayed opposite his ranks, but still that was not all. The gates remained open, and the Banner of the Sorcerer King emerged, being carried by an army of skeletons in enchanted armor, thousands were on foot, but there were also others on the backs of undead horses that had begun to range out to the wings to support the infantry..
Philip swallowed and looked around nervously. Then he heard the noise. A drum resounded over the field, it sounded like the rumble of a storm, and it might as well have been for what it heralded. The soldiers arrayed against him began to advance, the drum shattered Philip's spirit and frightened his untrained mount, which began to kick at the ground and tried to fight against his orders, shaking him left and right.
"Advance! Attack!" Philip shouted at his tired troops, they'd marched for hours, only a short while before they'd had to run in full armor, they were thirsty, they were hungry, and now they were frightened. Philip was still fighting with his stupid horse.
Still, they obeyed, if haphazardly.
Among General Nimble & King Zanac's forces the orders were clear. "Accept all surrenders! But CRUSH all resistance!"
Arrows flew from both armies, but Philip's men had been given cheap bows that were easily mass produced, while Zanac's forces had gear from the Sorcerer King and the Empire had a strong industrial armament tradition at its back, and the undead hoards had bows of magic that wrought a terrible toll on the unprepared and lightly armored soldiers of 'King Philip'.
When the armies were sixty feet from one another and the drums continued their awful beating from the side of the Sorcerer King, a horrible death scream echoed over everything, and death knights began charging one by one through the gate of the fort, they ran in long loping strides, their massive tower shields and swords twice the length of a man were fearsome to behold, and they carried with them an aura of death and suffering like nothing the Re-Estize soldiers had ever seen.
Philip's horse panicked beyond all measure and threw him off its back and ran away in desperate terror. Philip landed flat on his back and groaned in pain, that had hurt, his crown flew off his head, and when he rolled himself over onto his stomach and got up to all fours, he scrambled across the ground to pick it up and put it back on his head, it had never fit right, it sank way down on his head. When the scream came closer, that was when it had really hit him and he whirled around on his feet to watch his perfect army, the army of Supreme King Philip Allconqueror the Great...melt like butter on hot bread. His eyes went wide in terror, the undead holding the center swung massive hammers and swords and cut men down or bashed their heads in with the ease of farmers harvesting wheat or workers hammering nails. The disciplined forces of the Empire and of King Zanac were taking a terrible toll on the wings of his forces, and as they spread out wide around his army, the death knights charged into the gaps between the two and began cutting a horrific swath.
Philip shrieked and turned around and began to run the opposite direction. He began to scream aloud... "Stupid soldiers! stupid nobles! stupid peasants! You're all so stupid and incompetent! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid, stupid stupid!" He shrieked and he ran as fast as he could...for about twenty yards until he began to breathe to hard and had to slow down, he tried to get out of his armor so he could run faster, he cast aside his sword, his shield, and he scrambled like mad through the dust and the dirt.
"Someone save me! He shrieked as he heard his army's complete collapse. Horses ran past him, some with riders who ignored his commands to stop and give him the horse, some with no riders that were to stupid to know they should have stopped for him. The drums...gods the drums were maddening, he felt a wetness form at his crotch and the telltale smell of ammonia. He started to cry as he ran more.
"Someone save me! I am the supreme king! You have to save me! I'm ORDERING someone to save me!" He shouted as his lungs burned and his muscles refused to obey him just like the idiots who were running past him.
He looked around, desperate, the sound of fighting had almost completely stopped, but the drums, the damnable drums that beat themselves into his soul...the sound of undead shrieking, the smell of piss and shit as people voided themselves either in death or due to their fear of death, more soldiers were fleeing, all of them were running past him like he wasn't there, his arms thrust out in front of him as if he were going to grab for a lifeline that wasn't there, he looked over his shoulder, he heard the sound of hooves from what even he could recognize as a cavalry formation.
The fort! He had to get to the fort they'd passed, he could close the gate and the stupid soldiers who'd run away past him could sacrifice on the walls there to let him get away, he was covered with dirt and muck, he fell and scrambled up, cutting himself on his head and arms as he tried to draw just one inch closer to what he thought was the safety of the fort, he had tears in his eyes and screamed his frustration, but it was drowned out by the scream of a death knight that was far to close. He looked over his shoulder.
The banner's of the Sorcerer King, King Zanac, & Emperor Jicrniv, appeared over the horizon, carried by cavalry forces.
He cried out and ran harder, tripping over his feet and falling to the ground, scrambling up, all he could think about was the fort, just get to the fort!
He could see it...finally, it was so close! So close! and then he screamed and fell to his knees. He saw the stupid soldiers who had run past him, all on their knees in front of the gate, it had been closed against them, three banners were atop the wall...it was lined with archers who had their bows drawn.
"How! How! How did this happen?!" Philip screamed. "How could you all be so stupid! You've ruined everything! I'm the Supreme King!" He shrieked in a hoarse voice, howling with rage as the horsemen moved to surround him.
"Do you surrender?" King Zanac said, as he lowered his sword and bringing the blade down the length of Philips terrified face, and lifting his chin up, he pressed the tip close to his throat in a very clear threat.
Philip's mouth opened and closed several times, but ultimately he answered by shitting himself and grabbing the backside of his pants. The laughter at him caused him to begin to cry.
The words were almost pointless, he bit his quivering lip and stared up the length of the sword to its mounted wielder. "uh huh..." He sniffled and wiped his nose, nodding and sinking down to his belly.
The drums had stopped, the cheers had not. King Zanac raised his sword, followed by General Nimble, and across the battlefield the armies of the victors shouted their satisfaction to the skies, while undead soldiers became undead guards and followed direction to securely bind the many captives, while the healing servants of the Sorcerer King went out to bind wounds or heal them with magic according to their skills, while still other undead dragged the deceased away for disposal.
Zanac and Nimble rode about the battlefield, a look at the placement of the bodies from atop the rise told the story of the battle. As Philip's forces had advanced, the archers had hit the wings of them, driving the undisciplined soldiers in the center to try to take cover in the shadows of the men next to them, which resulted in the line contracting inwards. Then when the two sides had clashed, the superior strength, armor, and weapons of the undead had stopped the line cold and begun to push in, while the Zanac Loyalists and the heavy knights of Baharuth and begun to circle around and caved the formation in on the sides, the path of the death knights carving their way through the gaps had left a swath of bodies, and that was when Philip's army had completely routed.
The dead, though numerous, were not nearly what they could have been, it was clear that the route had started early and that more had likely died from being trampled than had died from the fighting itself. Nimble breathed a heavy sigh, it was like a reverse of the Katze Plains where the Empire had suffered several hundred dead and injured in sheer panic at the magic and the monsters of the Sorcerer King.
He shook his head in pity, stupid, so very stupid.
Most of the remainder of the day was spent on the mundane, Philip was stripped of all his royal decorations, including his crown, and dressed in a peasant's loin cloth and nothing more, a rope was put around his wrists and he was half dragged away from the field where he had destroyed himself and his ambitions. His tender feet were soon bruised, blistered, and bleeding as he was made to stumble his sorry way, whimpering like a child, all the way back to E-Rantel, while his soldiers were secured behind him.
He drew jeers when he was lead through the city, humans and demihumans had lined the streets to point and laugh at him, they threw rubbish, mud, and offal at his body. When his loincloth fell away and he was naked before them, the laughter increased and he tugged at his bonds to retrieve it and at least conceal his nakedness, only to be tugged mercilessly forward. His head was lowered and all he could do was keep moving so that he would not be dragged along the ground.
He was stinking of sweat and piss and the lingering odor of his voided bowels on his flesh, but worst of all was the stink of fear, terror, raw and primal, was exuded from his body and he looked around in wild eyed horror at the monster demihumans, only to lower his head again in utter shame, especially when his royal rod became a point of mockery.
It was a long road to the governor's manor, and every step was a nightmare of shame and degradation. His day in the Sun had turned out to be a time of illumination for his poverty of character. The Sun beat down like the hammers of the battlefield skeletons, it hurt his fair skin so much that he was almost grateful for the muck that covered at least a little of his scrawny frame.
The laughter stung the most though, he was PHILIP! PHILIP! He should have been cheered, not jeered!
It was a great relief when he finally reached the manor, he could go indoors, get out of the sun and away from the mocking eyes of those stupid peasants.
He froze, a hole in the air opened up in front of the gate to the manor. King Zanac and General Nimble got down from their horses and dragged him along behind them as they walked towards that whirling black gap in existence. Philip shrieked and tried to pull away, he fought more fiercely than...well he had never fought anyone himself, but this he tried to fight, and it did no good. In the end he simply fainted from the fear.
He woke up later, bound hand and foot and laying naked on the floor at the base of a set of stairs, Emperor Jircniv, Princess Renner, & King Zanac were kneeling there with heads bowed low on either side of the helpless naked kinglet when he finally began to come to and heard a voice of unsurpassed nobility. He could feel the presence of others behind him, but bound as he was, he could not see.
"You played your roles to the hilt, I am truly proud of all of you." Ainz said with a wave of his awe inspiring staff. "With this, your throne is practically reclaimed, King Zanac. Almost all his army was there, and they are no more, almost all his nobles were there, and they are either dead or captured, what little remains in the form of city garrisons will be reclaimed by yourselves and General Zaryusu within a month or less, and then you may begin to rebuild your kingdom into its ideal form!" Ainz laughed with satisfaction.
"Tell me, what is it that you truly wish, how may I reward you?" Ainz asked. Before anything else could be said, he raised a finger and added, "Know that I will be displeased if you ask for nothing. You are people of your own, and should have your own desires other than simply to serve me in achieving mine. So with that said...General Nimble, name your desire."
General Nimble spoke, "I am a simple man sire, I have lived my life in service, and I have seen...so much unugliness, things your majesty's reign is finally bringing an end to. If I may ask but one thing for myself...a small country estate by a lake, with a small stipend to live off of and retire to, so that I can finally start a family and live in peace."
Ainz lowered his face slightly and touched his finger to it..."That I cannot do in whole, I can provide you an estate of the sort you request, but I would take it as an affront if your stipend was so small that you were left living in veritable poverty, therefore you will be granted a considerable stipend for the remainder of your mortal life, when all hostilities have ceased, will that be sufficient?" Ainz asked in a voice that was somewhat humorous.
"I...ah...yes sire!" Nimble said in surprise.
"Very well, please withdraw, one of my maids will escort you to the Nazarick spa to rest and restore yourself, and you will have quarters here overnight, tomorrow you will resume your campaign and aid King Zanac in recapturing his kingdom."
General Nimble bowed deeply as he stood, and backed away, and a stunningly beautiful maid stepped away from the wall, he fell in behind her as he moved to relax in a paradise for a day.
"Emperor Jircniv, without your loyalty, all would be weaker, where would the world be?" Ainz asked.
"Your majesty, no doubt it would still be in your hands." He said, prompting a chuckle from atop the throne.
"Agreed, however I would be struggling to find minds equal to the task of carrying out my will, so...what reward can I offer you?" He asked.
Jircniv thought it over. "My lord you have granted my empire unprecedented prosperity, with more yet in the offing..."
Ainz raised his hand, "That is the duty of a liege, this reward first and foremost is for you, please indulge yourself this once, and be just a little bit selfish."
Jircniv was taken aback at the...very personable way he had just been spoken to, as if something had been proven to the Sorcerer King, he thought it over, biting his lip as he contemplated that almost anything he wanted could be his.
"Sire, I do not know if this reward will please you, but I have rumor that years ago, you blessed a woman's unborn child, I would ask the same for my own when the time comes." He said.
"It will be done, and proudly." Ainz replied, "Now you may withdraw to the Nazarick spa for rest and relaxation, I expect you will return to the empire to rule, and leave the remaining labor to the generals we have assembled." Ainz said.
"It is as you say, majesty." Jircniv said as he stood, bowed, and withdrew, following behind another maid.
"King Zanac, I realize this has all been very hard on you, but know that your faith in me has not been mislaid, you needn't fear for your crown, your life, or your station, your people will prosper and you will live well as a good king should. What reward may I offer to you?" Ainz asked.
King Zanac did not even have to think about it. "When the time comes, I want the lives of those who slew my father for myself." He said.
"Granted. Any who survive, are yours to do with as you wish." Ainz said, "Now you too, may go enjoy a hard earned rest for the day, tomorrow, you go to reclaim what is yours."
King Zanac stood and bowed, and left to follow behind another maid of shocking beauty.
"Hilma, your development of the courtesan corps has provided invaluable intelligence, you have proven yourself a good servant, and you deserve a reward that lives up to your service. Name your desire." Ainz said.
"Majesty...I want...I want to forget my pain and retire in peace when all is over." She said softly.
"Not unreasonable, however you must train a replacement of comparable skill to yourself first." He said, "You may begin while the war is on, and when they are declared competent, I will grant you a sum of money sufficient to allow you to live where you wish in comfort, and the memory of your baptism will be locked away forever." He said.
"Thank you sire..." She said through tears of happiness.
"Now go, retire to the spa for the day and enjoy the fruits of good service." He said.
She rose and bowed like the others, and withdrew behind a maid.
Philip was to shocked to speak. He could only think...'Hilma! Hilma! His Hilma?! He knew her voice all to well, and she was spying on him?!' He twisted and writhed, wanting to rise and punish her. It drew some laughter his way, and unable to bear the humiliation that would come of rolling on his back, he stopped.
"Kantessa, you served as the handler of this little fool. From you came knowledge of every single strike he was going to make, you kept others safe from his advances despite how unpleasant that must have been." Ainz said.
She gave a wicked smile, "I hardly noticed him, your majesty." She then snickered, and Philip tried to howl with rage as his manhood was insulted, but his mouth was gagged with a ball with a leather strap running through its center, and he could barely do more than drool in disgrace.
Her comment drew considerable laughter, and when it stilled, Ainz asked, "Be that as it may, you deserve reward, what would you ask?"
"The right to hurt him." She said, and pointed to the naked Philip. "He hit me, he humiliated me, and I bore it...it was my job as a spy to do so...but I still hate him for it...please sire...when it is time to make him suffer...let me help?" She asked softly.
Ainz looked over to Albedo, "Albedo, did we ever get a copy of the Draconic accords signed by Philip's government after his coronation?"
Philip began to tremble.
"Sire, it came back to us torn in two with a rude comment about how stupid it was to put rules to war." She said, and glared down at the kinglet that had dismissed her master's kindness.
"I see, so therefore he is not granted their protections." Ainz said.
Philip was struggling to speak, "You wish to speak?" Ainz asked. "To defend yourself?"
Philip nodded. "Remove his gag." Ainz said, and a maid approached and unlatched it from behind his head.
"I am Supreme King Philip Allconqueror the Great! I cannot be subject to any laws! I demand you let me go, its all those worthless peasants and other stupid nobles fault I'm here! I am the KI-" He was cut off from his tirade as the ballgag went back into his mouth and the sudden pressure of Ainz's power came down on him and caused him to shrink away in fear.
"You DARE! You DARE to call yourself 'supreme!' Albedo shrieked with utter madness, she screamed at him in frothing rage, and a half step behind her, Shalltear erupted.
"There is only one being in this world that has the right to use that word for themselves! You lowly maggot! You worm! I will feast on your entrails! Turn you into mush!" The two women's voices echoed as they began to scream insults at the now terrified Philip.
"You're being to noisy, quiet down." Ainz said and waved his hand, and the two immediately calmed themselves.
"Of course, I'm sorry my love." Albedo said and returned to her formal pose.
"Yes, so sorry my lord." Shalltear said, coughing into her hand with some discretion before returning to her ladylike pose.
Ainz leaned forward, resting his arms on his throne and letting his staff float beside him. His voice became low, sonorous, ominous, and filled with abject and total contempt as his words slowly marched from his mouth. "No, you fool, you are here because of you, everything that happened, was all you, I gave you opportunities that only a bad king would take. I gave you access to support that only a bad king would use for selfish purposes. I gave you the chance at peace that a good king would take and a bad king would reject, everything about your life since after the Katze Plains saw your elevation, was by my design through my agents, at any moment you could have shown the virtue of a good king and given deference to experience, justice to the weak, and loyalty to your leaders, instead you did every wrong thing you could, both practically and in terms of justice. Right down to protecting the lives of those you were meant to lead by accepting limitations on the brutality of war. You are a worm, the lowest of worms not only by your pettiness, undeserved ego, and casual cruelty, but also by your abject stupidity, and now you are here, by your own decisions, naked, filthy, stinking, and you will never leave."
Philip began to cry as the words hit home.
Ainz looked to Kantessa, "You ask for the chance to make him suffer, the chance is yours right now, but you will also be granted a one hundred fifty platinum coin bonus in addition to your reward and your promised pay."
The woman looked utterly stunned, "Majesty...I..." She struggled to think of what to say and she prostrated herself. "You are truly a generous god to your servants..." She said in a hushed voice.
"You degraded yourself by plying your body upon a worm that was beneath your contempt, and you did it to serve me well, serve your nation, and you saved many lives. You should be rewarded accordingly." Ainz said.
"Vanysa, come and take this thing to Neuronist's room. Kantessa will be joining you, and you can make music to your heart's content." Ainz said.
From the wall came a lovely girl, who squatted next to Philip, she tilted his face up towards her by the chin to meet his gaze. He could not take his eyes away. She was obviously small, only slightly taller than Philip himself, with long silky blonde hair done in a single braid that fell beside her fawn like legs, and greenish gray eyes, she had ample breasts with three small freckles on her left breast, and her skin was the color of wheat stalks reflecting the summer sun. She held his gaze, her expression was curious, as if she were exploring something new, and then her expression changed, her small mouth went into a frown. "Guilt...so much guilt..." She said softly, and she shifted from beauty to beautiful nightmare, teeth turned to ominous fangs, wings sprang from her back, her hair turned dark as night, horns grew from her head, and the finger became a talon that drew blood from under his chin, and her eyes turned to those of a happy sadist. She stood, and as she did she grabbed him by the hair twisting it tight and drawing a scream through his gag.
All that transpired in mere moments, and she giggled as he screamed in his gag, "I'm always appy to serve yah sire." She said, and her wings flapped and she dragged him along behind her, with his waist and below scraping across the stone floor, as she floated a little off the ground. Kantessa stood and bowed very deeply once more, and folded her hands in front of her as she fell into step behind the pair.
"Hope yah like music." Vanysa said over her shoulder.
And Philip wondered what this mad thing was talking about as he struggled to escape a grip his soft lazy hands could never hope to contest against.
It was six hours of hell before Kantessa was satisfied with Philips begging for forgiveness. It was sixty years before Vanysa was satisfied enough with his begging for death that she sought permission to end his life. The day he died, his innards fed a family of roaches, his skin made a handful of scrolls, and his bones were reanimated and set to working in the field forever as a servant of Kantessa's granddaughter.
AN: Well here we end another chapter. You're probably wondering about the fall of Re-Estize back into the hands of King Zanac, but that is for a future chapter, for now I trust you're satisfied with the long awaited demise of that fuckwit Philip, I think we all agree...he was a douchebag. Though I admit it was satisfying to build him up just to destroy him utterly. In case you're wondering, the reclaimation of the throne will only be a part of a larger chapter leading into the next part of the arc.
P.S. Beta reader's did a find and replace that took 'Philip' and replaced it with 'dick' 'lol'
ALSO...can you figure out the anagram? If you work it out, let us know on the discord: /hJrfday