Caitlin

December 15th, 2018

When Caitlin first saw the date on her cellphone her heart sank. Filmya Day. When she was a kid, Filmya Day was her favorite holiday. It was a big part of spellcaster culture and was a very important holiday spiritually for her. Unfortunately she hadn't celebrated properly for years. The team had never knows she was a spellcaster and even if they had known it wouldn't have mattered. They would celebrate with her for sure if she told them but it would never feel the same. It has a different meaning for non magical creatures. They had Christmas. She had Filmya Day. She briefly considered contacting Austin about it but they weren't close at all. Their relationship was purely business at this point. Plus, she was busy with the festivities back in the Realm that day. She sighed and pulled herself out of bed. When she went to the safe to grab her wand something stopped her. She couldn't bring herself to open the safe. She distanced herself from magic as much as possible on this day. It just made her realize that she was the only spellcaster. She knew she might need it though so she finally pushed herself to grab it. She finished getting ready and tried to force herself to walk out the door. She had promised herself that she wouldn't mention anything to the team. It wouldn't help and they didn't need to spend the day trying to cheer her up.

When she arrived at STAR Labs it was business as usual. Research, scanning for Metas, studying the Realm. The wand in her back pocket felt like fire. She was homesick. "Hay Cait," Iris said, walking past her with Barry on her left. He gave her a weird look.

"Are you okay?" he asked, clearly seeing through her fake smile.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just tired," she said. "The last few weeks have been busier than normal."

"No kidding," Ralph chimed.

"I know, the Christmas season is supposed to be chill," Cisco said.

"Name one chill Christmas in the last four years," Barry said. Cisco stopped talking.

"Did someone say Christmas?" Cecile said walking into the room holding baby Jenna in a Santa onesie. Joe walked in behind her holding bags of what looked like christmas decorations.

"Cecile thought you all could take a break and just decorate the cortex today," Joe explained.

"I think that's a great idea," Iris said. "Austin's busy in the Realm today anyway."

"Could be fun," Ralph said.

"No super speed," Cisco said. "That's cheating."

"Come on, not for Christmas," Barry said laughing. Then all eyes turned to Caitlin. She plastered on a fake smile again.

"Sounds like fun," she forced out. Over the next hour or so the cortex was transformed into a winter wonderland. Jenna was laughing as Cecile showed her the different shiny decorations. Caitlin smiled. For real this time. She wished she remembered being that young.

"Is it because it's Christmas?" Barry asked, coming up behind her.

"What?" she asked, turning towards him.

"You look sad," Barry said. "Not tired. Trust me, I know that look. Especially around this time of year." She and Barry actually did have a lot in common. They both lost parents at a young age. They both have superpowers, well, hers were currently AWOL but she would get Killer Frost back eventually. They had both experienced the people that they live die. Sure, Iris ended up being alive but that doesn't mean that in that moment it wasn't real. So she understood how he could tell something was up. It was Christmas time, family time. She was sure that he had some hard Christmases growing up. They might still be hard sometimes. Even if her sadness was coming from a different holiday, the feeling was the same.

"Yeah," she admitted softly. "I just, miss my dad. And Ronnie. I just miss my family."

"You know we're your family too," Barry offered, he held her gaze steadily. She did know. They were her family. But they could never understand what it was like to be her. They could never connect with her the ways that she wants. That wasn't fair to them. They loved her, she loved them. It should be enough. For the last few years it almost was. This year it was just harder because they knew. She couldn't hide anymore yet something still compelled her to lie. To keep this thing to herself. Maybe to protect them. Maybe to protect her.

"I know you are," Caitlin said, flitting her gaze to the floor. "Sometimes it just hits you, you know?" She looked back up. Barry held her gaze for a moment more.

"Yeah," he said. "I know." Then he turned away and went to help hang tinsel on the tree. She wished that he really did understand but their talk did help cheer her up a bit so she went to help wrap ribbon around the cortex. Things were going well for a while. Caitlin hadn't forgotten about Filmya Day but it was in the back of her mind. That is, until someone remembered that magic was a thing and decided to ask questions.

"Do you celebrate Christmas in the Spellcaster Realm?" Iris asked Caitlin as they got on the topic. Caitlin froze but tried to play it cool.

"Uh, no," she said. "We don't celebrate most mortal holidays."

"Well I guess we don't celebrate most of yours so that's only fair," Ralph said. Her holidays. She had never really thought of it like that. Both worlds had holidays that were important to her but she had always more strongly holidays from when she was a kid, in the Realm.

"What's your favorite?" Cisco asked.

"Oh, well, I don't know," Caitlin said. "I always wanted to celebrate Siy De Lohcatep Fe but the last one was before I was born and the next one is next year but I don't see that being in my future." She was telling the truth but she was also mostly deflecting.

"Siy De Lohcatep Fe?" Barry asked pronouncing it surprisingly well.

"Day of the Eclipse," Caitlin clarified.

"What's that?" Cecile asked.

"Unlike Earth, the Realm only has an eclipse once every thirty years," Caitlin said. "Well, almost. Anyway, it's not just an eclipse with our moon. During an eclipse the spirit of the moon goddess chooses one unborn child to gift immense power to."

"Wait," Ralph said. "So every thirty years some moon lady comes down and tells a pregnant lady that her kid is the chosen one?"

"That's a simplified way of saying it yeah," Caitlin exclaimed. "My mom was pregnant with me last time there was supposed to be one. The date of the eclipse is usually responsible for our baby booms."

"Wait, what do you mean supposed to be?" Barry asked. "You mean there wasn't one thirty years ago?"

"Nope," Caitlin said. "At least not in the Realm. It's happened before but not often. Usually what happens is the eclipse happens on Earth."

"But if the point is to bless a spellcaster why go to Earth?" Cisco asked. "Does some random mortal woman just think some ghost is telling her her kid will basically be Hermione Granger?"

"Well, no," Caitlin said. "The goddess only blesses children who are already determined to be born with magic. It could be a spellcaster, a syllogism, an agoria or an agorio but not a mortal.

"A syllogism, isn't that a spellcaster child of two mortals?" Iris asked Caitlin nodded.

"Then my thing about Hermione still stands," Cisco said.

"I mean, technically yeah," Caitlin said. "But it's also possible that whoever was blessed was a full blooded spellcaster whose parents left the realm like mine. Or just have one spellcaster parent like I said. I had a friend when I was a kid who was an agario who was born on Earth during the eclipse but then she came to live with her father in the Realm."

"Is your friend the child?" Joe asked.

"Not as far as I know," she responded. "And we call them Eclipse Babies."

"Okay, so an Eclipse Baby is born," Iris said. "What exactly do you do to celebrate?"

"There's supposed to be a big festival," Caitlin said. "Lots of treats and dancing. Then we honor the mother and her family if she chooses to come forward. They usually do. They tend to become close to the royal family."

"Well yeah," Ralph said. "They want that baby power."

"Well, maybe we can throw our own festival next year," Iris said smiling. As soon as she said that Caitlin remembered what day it is was. She had gotten so caught up in explaining spellcaster culture that she forgot the whole reason she was talking about this was because she didn't want to talk about Filmya Day.

"Yeah, maybe," Caitlin said noncommittally. Then Jenna started crying.

"Oh, she's hungry," Cecile said and then stepped away to get her baby bag.

"It's still freaky when you do that," Joe said following her, obviously referring to her mind reading capabilities.

"Okay, maybe we should just get back to training," Caitlin said wanting to get out of further conversation. No one objected to seemed to think anything was off about her. THe rest of the day passes rather uneventfully. Well, aside from the meta attack but that was dealt with quickly and was an almost welcomed distraction from the spellcaster situation. When they finally called it a night Caitlin trudged home. Grateful that she could just go be by herself for a few hours. She had texted her mom and wished her a happy Filmya Day but she hadn't responded. She didn't expect her to. Caitlin was just alone today.

Mortals wouldn't understand how she was feeling about today. She had known that if she had told her friends they would have equated the holiday to Christmas and promise to make the holiday 'magical' this year. When she says that they can't replicate the holiday even if she gave them a handbook she is serious. With Filmya Day you still give gifts to the people that are important to you but you only give one to each. Whatever you give them, it's not just a new toy or cash, it's supposed to be something meaningful. Plus, you imbue it with your magical signature and essence. You don't even have to cast a spell, you just have to focus and hold it to your heart. It sounds cheesy but it means a lot to the casters, and to Caitlin.

So, when she opened the door to her apartment she wasn't in high spirits. She hung her jacket on the rack, put her bag down on the counter and re locked her wand in the safe. Then she decided to plop down on the couch and just do some binge watching to take her mind off things. So, she was surprised that when she sat down on the couch, there was a small jewelry box sitting in the center of the coffee table. She looked at it confused, it hadn't been there that morning. Slowly, she reaches out and picks it up. On top is a note.

Caitlin,

Happy Filmya Day.

There was no signature but she noticed the seal on the paper was that of the royal family. It must have been from Austin. She didn't think they were that close but maybe Austin thought differently. Or maybe she just thought Caitlin would like whatever it was and decided to cheer her up. She did have a habit of watching her. Slowly Caitlin opened the box. Inside was a silver chain with a pendant attached. The pendant was also silver but it held the image of her family's crest. A shield with an askew snowflake on the bottom right. In the middle of the little snowflake was a small clear gem. She didn't think it was a diamond but it was built similarly. She smiled. It had been beautifully crafted. She slowly clipped it around her neck. It was strangely calming and when she held it in her hand she could feel the magical essence imbued with it. She smiled and for the first time in years, Caitlin went to bed happy for the first Filmya Day in a long time.