Chapter 34: Final Goodbye

Amanda woke up the next morning and quietly slipped from underneath Christina. She tried to be as quiet as possible so she didn't wake her but when she opened the door to leave Chris lifted her head from the pillow and asked where she was going. She told her she had to be to work in an hour. She got this sad look on her face like she didn't want her to go. She just laid back down and closed her eyes to go back to sleep. Amanda slipped out and shut the door behind her and quietly made her way downstairs. She got down to the door when she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She turned around to see Jezalyn standing at the top of the stairs. She walked down and stopped on the landing.

"You're a fool if you think she cares about you" she said bluntly.

"Excuse me" Amanda said offended.

"She's just using you, like all the others. You think you're the first to sneak out of here early in the morning? You're not. At least she let you stay all night. Maybe that could make you feel special". Amanda just stood there. She didn't know what to say. "She doesn't feel anything for you. She doesn't feel anything for anyone". Her voice was full of disdain for her sister.

"That's not true" Amanda said. "She cares a lot about you and your brother and your dad".

"Whatever" she said brushing her off. "Believe what you want….but I know my sister and she doesn't love you". She turned around and went back upstairs to her room. Amanda left the house and went to her apartment to change for work. Chris woke up a couple hours later and made breakfast. She woke her father and Robbie and told them to come down to eat. Jeza was already up lounging in the living room. When her father and brother came down and sat at the table she got up from the couch and came over to join them. Chris came to the table with a cup of coffee and was about to sit down when the doorbell rang. She went over and answered it and saw Javier there. She let him inside and he went over to the table and sat down next to Jeza. When Robbie tried to start crap, Chris started to tell him to can it but she didn't get the chance to say anything. Their father spoke up and told him to shut up and eat his breakfast. They ate in silence and when they were done, they all went their separate ways. Robbie Sr. went upstairs to his room. Robbie went upstairs, got dressed and then left to go who knows where. Jeza and Javi lounged in the living room together while Chris cleaned up the breakfast dishes. The house was so quiet and everyone was so distant without their mother being there.

It was Tuesday, only Chris' second day off from work, and not even a full twenty four hours since her mother's death and she already wanted to get back to work. She called Amanda and asked her how the Simon Wilkes case was going and she was hesitant to answer her. She didn't think that work was something that she needed to be worried about. After some prodding, she told her that they dug up some dirt on him that Barba hoped to use to prove that Wilkes was an impending threat. Wilkes was scheduled to take the stand in a few days and after that the case was expected to go to the jury. She told her not to worry about the case or anything at work. They had everything covered. Chris told her that the funeral was going to be on Thursday. She said she'd tell everyone and they'd all be there. They talked for a few more minutes until Amanda had to get off the phone and get back to work. Chris had absolutely nothing to do. All the funeral arrangements were taken care of, her father was avoiding everyone, Robbie had taken off and Jeza was cuddling with her boyfriend on the couch. Then it came back to her that Jeza was pregnant and she still hadn't told her father or Robbie. She had no idea when a good time to share that news would be. She just knew that it wasn't right then.

With nothing else to do to occupy her time, she called Franco and asked if he wanted to come over. She knew he would say yes. Of course he would say yes. Half an hour later, he rang the doorbell and Chris let him in. Javi's mother came to pick him and Jeza up to take them shopping for baby accessories. Chris was glad to see her go. She didn't want to deal with the attitude she could tell was brewing in Jeza's mind. She sat in the living room with Franco, quietly at first then with light conversation. She told him about Jeza being pregnant and he was quick to say that he wasn't surprised. He knew the trouble that Chris had with her and he knew it was just a matter of time before she got herself into more boy related trouble. He felt bad that Chris had so much on her plate and there was really nothing he could do to help her with it. All he could do was try to be there for her and support her. They stayed in for half the day then Franco said they should go out. Chris got dressed and checked on her father who was still upstairs in his bedroom. He told her that he was fine and she should go do what she wanted. She reluctantly left him alone and left the house with Franco. They went to lunch then went for a walk in the park. Chris kept texting Amanda asking about things at work and she kept replying that she wasn't going to tell her anything. She gave up and asked her if she wanted to come over for dinner. Amanda was surprised by the invite but she said she would come.

Chris and Franco made it back to her house at five o'clock and Chris got started on dinner. Franco was hovering over her, getting on her nerves. He finally went to the living room and sat down to watch tv when she threatened to punch him in the face if he didn't leave her alone. Her father came downstairs and got a glass and his bottle of scotch then went back upstairs to his room. Chris was really worried about him. She didn't think it was good for him to be spending so much time alone. She figured she'd give him more time to grieve before she said anything to him. She got dinner in the oven and then went to sit with Franco in the living room. Robbie got home just before six and went right upstairs, not saying anything to Chris or Franco. Not long after Robbie, Jeza, Javi, and Sophia, Javi's mom, walked through the door with their hands full of shopping bags. She took them dropped them all in front of her sister and started to pull things out one by one, showing Chris all the cute baby clothes and monitors and breast pumps. It scared Chris how excited Jeza was to be having a baby. She didn't want her to get so wrapped up in Javi and the baby that she stopped thinking about finishing school and going to college.

"And we've been thinking about baby names" she said as she re-bagged all of her baby stuff. "We agreed on naming it after mom, if it's a girl" she said softly. "And you" she added. "Gloria Christina Ramirez". Chris swallowed hard and bit her lip. She couldn't believe that Jezalyn wanted to name her baby after her. "What do you think?" Chris nodded and cleared her throat.

"Yeah, it's….it's beautiful" she said with a soft smile. "What about if it's a boy?"

"Javi wants a junior" she said getting up from the floor.

"What's wrong with that?" he said from behind her.

"Nothing unless you bail on her" Franco said butting in. Chris slapped him on the shoulder.

"My son will taking care of his child" Sophia said speaking up for her son. "Nosotros no tenemos padres incumplidores en nuestra familia y nosotros no vamos a empezar con él, claro?"

"Si senora" he said sarcastically. Sophia rolled her eyes.

"Javier say goodbye" she said heading for the door. "Your father is waiting at home for dinner". Javi kissed Jeza and gave her a hug. Chris got up from the couch and went over to Sophia.

"I want to thank you for getting all this stuff for Jeza and the baby" she said nicely. "Really, we appreciate it".

"Don't mention it" she said waving her off. "You both just lost your mother" she said quietly, "and this is my grandchild so I'm happy to help. I'm glad I could do something to take her mind off of all that's happened. Jeza told us the services will be on Thursday". Chris nodded her head. "Javi and I will be there".

"Great. Jeza will….love that". She opened the door for them and they said goodbye again then turned and headed to their car. Chris shut the door and went to the kitchen to check on the lasagna she'd put in the oven. She put the bread in and set the timer on the stove for fifteen more minutes before going back to the living room to see Jeza lugging all her bags upstairs.

"You're really letting her keep this kid?" Franco asked. She sat down on the couch and sighed.

"It's not really my choice. It's hers".

"It shouldn't be" he said giving his opinion.

"Ok. Whose choice should it be?" Chris asked.

"Yours or your father's….an adult's" he suggested.

"So I should be able to tell her what to do with her body or my father?" she asked for clarification. "Who's next? Javi? Some random man on the street? Oh, I know, the government".

"Ok. You made your point" he said stopping her continuing. "I'm just saying we both know Jeza has questionable judgment. Do you really trust her to make the best decision for herself?"

"You say that like I know what's best for her".

"Don't you?" Just as she was about to answer his question the doorbell rang. At the same time, the timer on the oven sounded letting her know that dinner was ready. "You get the food. I'll get the door" Franco said getting up from the couch. Chris got up and went to the kitchen. She grabbed oven mitts and took the dish of lasagna out and carried it to the table setting it on the cooling mat. Franco was at the door seeing Amanda for the second time in as many days. He didn't know Chris had invited her over for dinner and Amanda didn't know that Franco was going to be there. Chris cut the bread and brought it over to the table then walked over to yell for everyone to come down to dinner. She saw Amanda standing there with Franco. She told them both to take a seat at the table then went upstairs to get her dad, brother and sister when they took too long to come down. Amanda picked a seat and Franco sat opposite her. There was an awkward silence between them then Franco decided to say something. "So, you….uh you're back in the picture?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean".

"I mean, you and Chris. Are you back together?" Amanda shook her head.

"No" she answered simply. Chris came back down to the dining room to see them staring each other down. Robbie was first to come down and sit at the table then Jeza and then their father. Chris took the last open seat next to Amanda. They filled their plates with food and ate in silence. Jeza kept taking glances across the table at Amanda which didn't go unnoticed by Christina. She wondered what their deal was but she didn't say anything. When he finished eating, Robbie Sr. took his plate to the kitchen then went back upstairs to his room without saying a word. Chris wondered how long his depression would last and then she felt like an ass for wondering. It'd only been a day. Robbie finished next and went upstairs but came back down ten minutes later, got his jacket and left. When Jeza finished and went upstairs it left Chris, Amanda and Franco sitting quietly at the dinner table.

"Where's Frannie?" Chris asked breaking the silence.

"With my neighbor. She just got a new dog and Frannie likes to play with her". Franco cleared his throat and got up from the table to take his plate to the kitchen. "You didn't tell me he'd be here" Amanda whispered.

"I….I didn't know he was going to stay for dinner" she said quietly. Franco came back and said that he was going to head out. Chris walked him outside to his car. "Thanks for keeping me company today".

"Anytime" he said leaning against his car. "So, what's the deal with you and her?" he asked referring to Amanda. She put her hands in her pockets and shrugged.

"We're….working on things. We both have….a lot going on so we agreed it's not the best time for a relationship but that's where I'm hoping we end up".

"So have you given anymore thought to my offer?" he said ignoring her saying she hoped for a relationship with Amanda.

"Franco…." He could tell that whatever she was about to say he wasn't going to like it.

"Come on, Christina. We were a good team…..and a good couple" he added.

"Franco that was work" she said firmly. Franco walked around the car to the driver's side. "Ok? Just work. You have to let this go. I'm a lesbian".

"Whatever, that's a cop out" he said opening his car door. "You know you have feelings for me. I don't care what label you put on yourself, we had a connection. For whatever reason, you don't want to admit it". He didn't give her chance to argue. He got in the driver's seat, shut the door and started his car. He pulled away from the curb as Chris walked up the stairs to her front door. She turned back around just in time to see him round the corner and disappear. She went back inside with Amanda and avoided talking about what she'd just argued with Franco about. They cleaned up the dinner dishes together and Amanda agreed to stay the night with her again. They went upstairs to her room and went to bed.

The next day Amanda went to work and Chris stayed at home again. She made phone calls to make sure everything was in order for her mother's funeral services the next day and then went to the store to pick up food for the gathering at the house. Once everything was done, she went upstairs to her room and lounged in her bed. She took a nap and then lounged some more. She didn't feel like cooking anything so she ordered pizza for dinner. They all took their food to their rooms, continuing their day without saying so much as one word to one another. By ten o'clock, they were all asleep. Chris woke up the next morning at eight. She made sure everyone was up before showering and getting dressed. By ten o'clock, they were leaving the house and heading to the church. When Javi and Sophia arrived at the church, Jeza insisted that Chris make room for them on the front row with them. Neither Javi nor Sophia even knew their mother but Jeza was being such a pain in the ass that Chris finally agreed that they could sit up front.

Amanda, Fin, Olivia, Nick, Murphy and Barba arrived at the church and took their seats. They weren't surprised that Chris looked completely together. She wore a black dress that stopped just below her knees and black heels with her hair pulled back and pinned up. She smiled politely at everyone as they entered the church. Franco walked in and barely made eye contact with her. He went over to her father and Jeza and gave his condolences before going inside to find a seat. Beth came as well. She knew what Chris was going through because she'd lost her father not too long ago. Like Chris and her family, she'd been at his bedside with her sister when he passed. She gave her a hug then went inside to wait for the service to start. Most everyone had arrived and it was almost time for the service to start and Robbie was nowhere to be found. Her father was starting to get upset that he couldn't find him. Chris told him to go in the church and sit down and she would find him. She went looking for her brother and found him outside behind the church. She gave him a lecture on what an asshole he was being and how he needed to pull it together.

"You don't wanna do it for me? Fine. Do it for papi" she said. "Get in the church". He fixed his tie and started walking towards the entrance of the church. Chris took a deep breath and followed behind him, walking to the front of the church and taking her seat next to her father.

The service went well, just the way Gloria would've wanted. Chris spent most of it consoling her father. He wasn't even able to make it through the eulogy he'd written. She had to go up to the front and finish it for him. Jeza had Javi to lean on and Robbie sulked on his own. Chris didn't show much emotion at all. The church service ended and they left and headed to the burial grounds. Jeza read something she'd written and they laid white roses on her casket before they watched it lowered into the ground. Everyone had started to go back to their cars but Robbie Sr. stayed there, staring at his wife's grave. Christina stood there with him, silently waiting until he was ready to go. After fifteen minutes, he said his final goodbye and walked to the car with his daughter. They'd invited everyone over to their house for refreshments and to pay their last respects. Chris was inwardly hoping that people wouldn't stay long. Her father looked exhausted so she took him upstairs to let him get some rest. By five thirty in the evening, the only people left at the house were Javi and his mother, her coworkers and Franco. Chris started to clean things up even though Amanda and Nick offered to do it for her. She said she needed something to keep herself busy. Robbie was leaning against the wall and Franco went over and stood next to him.

"How you holding up man?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine" he said sounding like his sister.

"I know you're gonna miss your mom but you just have to think about what she'd want for you" he said trying to console. "Just think of everything you have to look forward to. I mean, you're gonna be an uncle. That's something right?" Robbie looked at him and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" he asked hostilely.

"I…nothing". Chris hadn't said she didn't tell Robbie about Jeza being pregnant so he just assumed he knew. Now he'd opened his mouth and let the cat out of the bag. There wasn't any telling how Robbie would react. All he knew was that it wouldn't be good.

"No, not nothing" he said standing up from leaning against the wall. "What are you talking about?" he asked raising his voice. By this time, he had everyone's attention. Chris came in from the kitchen and asked what was going on. Robbie's mind was turning over what Franco had just said. He knew he only had one sister that would be pregnant. He turned and looked at his youngest sister. "Are you pregnant?" he asked. Jeza sat there quietly, looking terrified. "I asked you a question!" he yelled causing her to flinch.

"Robbie" Chris said from behind him.

"And you knew about this?" he asked turning to his other sister. "When were you going to let me in on this little secret?"

"It wasn't a secret" she said walking over to him. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

"It seems like you've already been talking a hell of a lot with everybody else" he said angrily. "What are you gonna do with a kid?" he asked turning back to Jeza. "You're barely passing high school. What kind of a job are you gonna get with no diploma? How are you gonna provide for this kid? I hope you're not gonna be depending on this clown" he said pointing to Javier.

"Robbie that's enough" Chris said trying to reign him. Everyone else was sitting quietly, uncomfortably watching the exchange.

"No. You're having an abortion and that's the end of it" he said definitively.

"Robbie!" Chris yelled.

"This is all your fault" he said turning to Christina. "And you promised mami that you'd look out for her and make sure she does well for herself. Our mother on her deathbed, you promised her. How about mentioning the fact that it's too late. Her life's already in the drain".

"Robbie come on man" Franco said trying to stand up for Chris.

"And you" Robbie said turning his anger on Franco. "You need to stay out of our family. My sister doesn't love you. She's never going to want to be with you. She's never going to want to marry you or have your babies. So why don't you just get lost?" Franco brought his fist back and then forward, connecting with Robbie's face. They started fighting right there in the living room. Chris yelled at them to stop it. Sophia dragged Javi to the door and forced him to leave the house. Jeza sat on the couch crying. Nick and Murphy were finally able to pull the two of them apart. It was taking everything Chris had within her not to scream out of frustration. Robbie stormed out the house, slamming the door behind him and Jeza ran upstairs to her room. Everything was quiet and no one knew what the next move was.

"I'm sorry" Franco said apologizing. He brought his hand up to touch Chris' shoulder but she slapped his hand away. She stood there for a moment longer before heading up the stairs. She looked into her father's room to check on him and saw that he was fast asleep. She pulled his door closed, careful not to make any noise, then went back downstairs. She went over to the closet, grabbed her coat and put it on. Then she grabbed her purse and said she going to the bar to drink and they were welcome to join her. Before anyone could say anything, she walked out the front door. Amanda was the first to get up from the couch and follow her out of the house. Olivia, Fin and Murphy weren't far behind her. Barba and Nick decided they'd call it a day and head home. Murphy ordered the first round which Chris quickly finished. She ordered a second drink for herself; then a third, a fourth and a fifth.

"Maybe you should slow down" Franco said reaching for her glass. She moved it out of his reach and drank the rest of it down before asking for another. "Christina" he said trying to get her attention. She continued to ignore him. "What would your mother say?"

"Don't you fucking talk to me about my mother" she said harshly. "Entiendes?" the waitress brought her sixth drink and set it down in front of her. She picked it up and took a drink.

"Here we go again" he said throwing his hands up. "I'm the bad guy, right? You're pissed off and you need someone to be take out your frustration on". Chris scoffed and rolled her eyes. "This gonna be a repeat performance of your drunken depression after we got home from the Hoyas, huh?" Chris glared at him from across the table. "Oh, they don't know about that? Hey, stick around" he said looking at Amanda, "you're in for a real treat". Chris sat quietly for a minute stewing over Franco's comment. Then she let go of everything she'd been holding in for over a year.

"That's low" she said taking another drink from her glass. "Even for you. I'm sorry I didn't walk into the squad back in San Bern and think you were god's gift to me. I'm sorry I wasn't like every other female rookie cop that you swindled into bed and then shipped off when you got tired of her. I'm so sorry, Franco, that we were paired together for that case and that I was everything you ever wanted. I'm sorry you fell in love me. I'm sorry I didn't love you back. But it's time for you to get over it. You're not my husband and you never will be. And if you think that my depression", she said using air quotes, "was about you then you're so much more diluted than I could have ever imagined". Franco got up and angrily snatched his jacket from the back of his chair.

"You're an idiot if you think she'll ever love you" he said looking at Amanda. He put on his jacket and walked out of the bar. She picked up her glass and finished her sixth drink. She was about to order another but Murphy stopped her, saying he thought she'd had enough. She stumbled slightly when he helped her up from her seat and led her towards the door. Olivia hailed a cab and Fin helped her inside. Amanda said she'd get her home and get her to bed. She saw that they were concerned but she assured them that she could handle it. She got in the taxi with Chris and headed to her house. When the cab pulled up outside her home, she helped her out of the car and up the front steps. She took her purse and got out her keys, unlocking the door and leading her inside. Chris took off her coat and dropped it on the stair landing before starting up the stairs. Amanda picked her coat up and hung it, along with her own, in the hall closet before going upstairs to Chris' room. They both undressed and climbed into Chris' bed, getting under the covers and settling down to go to sleep. Christina stared at Amanda as she lay next to her, breathing slowly in and out, taking in her features.

"Do you believe him?" she asked softly. Amanda shook her head.

"No" she whispered back. Chris moved closer to Amanda and turned over so that her back was to Amanda's front. She grabbed her arm and pulled it around her waist, interlacing their fingers. She lay there thinking about the last conversation she had with her mother. Her eyes slowly got heavier and heavier until she couldn't hold them open anymore and she drifted off to sleep.

Spanish-English Translations

Nosotros no tenemos padres incumplidores en nuestra familia y nosotros no vamos a empezar con él, claro?"- We don't have any deadbeat dads in our family and we're not going to start with him, clear?

Si senora- Yes ma'am

Entiendes?- You understand?