She looked at me. God what do I do? Fuck. Do I stare back? No, I have crazy eyes. I have no idea how to do this. Guys are easy, you just show literally any interest and they get the hint, most of the time. When they don't it becomes more complicated, but whatever. Any guy I've ever wanted to be with, I just went for it. Girls were...different. It's more complex. The flirtation is friendly, smiling, touching, but can pretty easily be misinterpreted as just normal conversation. Or, if you get yourself a crush on a straight girl; watch out. Anyway, I digress. This girl in front of me is pretty perfect. I can't think of a time I saw more perfect lips. The mouth has always been what I notice first on anyone's face. Hers was...kind. Full lips that made a subtle upturn at the side. When she smiled at the busboy, one side of her mouth lifted just a bit higher than the other. Is that...it's a dimple on her cheek. Small but definitely there. I can't see the color of her eyes but I know that they focused on me and lingered for a moment just seconds ago. I need to know her name. If this moment passes me by without even trying I might actually die. Not really, but you get the point. Those eyes, that mouth, they captured me and took me in and now I am imagining what it would be like to live in the country with a dog and chickens with this brunette that obviously loves animals and is a vegetarian and has 3 brothers and finished college but decided to do non profit work for a local charity while feeding the homeless and solving climate change and "All set?" A pleasant waiter just rudely interrupted my girl crush fantasy and now I'm startled and, god what the hell? Embarrassed. As I reach for my wallet I overturn a sugar dispenser. Of course it makes a loud cracking sound against my laptop that is now lookin' a lot like Christmas with the tiny grains of sugar dotting the keyboard. The brunette with the smile looked up at me and must have noticed my awkward exchange. Then she did the most amazing thing. She smiled, then winked. Oh my god, that was the most thrilling feeling I've ever felt in my life. My heart is pounding and I know I'm blushing so hard my ears are red. What do I do?
The waiter hands me back my card and I start to get up to leave. This has been enough excitement for the day. I can't see myself actually talking to this girl and making any sense. I need to get to a place that isn't so crowded so I can bury my head in my hands and retreat into self pity with some chocolate. One day I'll work up the nerve to really talk to a girl. Today is not that day. I hurry out the cafe door and vow to never return. A solemn promise to myself. I turn into the side alley and walk toward my car.
"Hi, I'm May." I heard a voice say behind me. I turn to find the brunette standing 2 feet from me.
"Oh, hi." I say, eyebrows raised in surprise. "I'm Davey."
"I had a class with you last semester. You killed the curve on the final and I barely squeaked by." She said smiling. Why the hell is she smiling if she is upset? Maybe she is crazy.
"Well I can't apologize for that. What class? " I say, almost bitchy but curious now.
"Pathophysiology. You crushed it. I was always so jealous!"
"Oh! Yeah that was a fun class. Well you'll be happy to know I dropped out right after that."
"What the fuck? No way?! Why?! You were the one person in there I knew would go on to be some hotshot epidemiologist or something." Aw, that's nice.
"Truth is, it's not my passion. I enrolled in culinary school and now instead of crushing patho tests I'm crushing garlic." Did I really just say that?
"You are so weird." She said with a smile that made be believe that she meant that in a nice way.
I look down and smile shyly. I'm bad at this and I'm not sure where to take the conversation now so I try my best to just save a little face before I do something awkward or embarrassing and have to stay up all night eating cereal and replaying it in my head. "I should get going. Good to see you again." Nailed it.
"Yeah." She seemed to want to talk more, but I desperately needed to escape and feel my social anxiety wash over me. "Hey you have a car? Can I get a ride? It's not far, just over by Wendover and 72nd."
"Uh...yeah. Yeah, that's... I'm...that's on my way. I'll drop you." Is she going to rob me? What kind of person just talks to another human being? Geez, this is making me uncomfortable.
We spend the next 10 minutes making small talk about food and school. She just graduated last term and is working for her brother's startup and they are launching a new app next month that she helped develop. She got her degree in biology, but after pathology she decided maybe she would lean on some different options. I myself was pre-med until the big kick that made me lose my goddamn mind and start living my best life, as the kids say. But that's a story she's not ready for. I turn into the lot of a small townhouse complex and she guides me to her unit (hehe c'mon that's funny). As I pull into the designated spot and expect her to exchange her pleasantries and 'peace out my whip' (I know y'all, I got jokes) she turns to me and smiles that cute little crooked smile. Her teeth are perfect, her eyes are blue, she wears makeup, but not too much. I didn't notice before. Maybe I was too insecure or too shy to really look at her face. She smelled really good, too. Like citrus and flowers, a clean smell. That smile. My heart was crushing into my chest at this point. What did she want?
"Look, I know you probably don't remember this, but you saved me last year." I'm sure I looked confused because she continued without prodding. "We were having this party at my sorority 'ah a sorority girl. Should have known' and this guy there put something in my drink."
Ah, suddenly a spark of recognition. "I do remember! God he was such a tool. I'm so glad your friends listened to me and had those frat boys kick him out! I wasn't even supposed to be there. My friend Gwen was there trying to pick up some girl and I was her wingwo-" oh...boy. "I was being supportive I guess." I said with a smile and tried to brush it off.
"I remember you." She said "You were wearing this green t-shirt and jeans. Your hair was a little messier than today and you were wearing converse sneakers with a heart drawn on one of the toes." Is she flirting with me?! "And I remember this tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of the t-shirt."
"I've...got a few tattoos" I say. I am not suave, nor sexy nor cute at this point and I know she sees how uncomfortable I am. It's not because I don't like her! I would give anything to be confident enough to kiss her right now, take her up to her apartment and...we'll this isn't helping my anxiety.
"Do you...want to come in? I've got a recipe for macarons I've been dying to try but I have no clue how to even get started" Well, how the fuck did she guess my French cookie weakness?
"I'll go. But only because I fucking love macarons." I smile.
We exit the car as it starts to rain. We hurry up the walk to her door and she unlocks it. Immediately I see that her place is small, but not cluttered. There's wood floors and a white rug near the cream colored couch. A small kitchen with a stand mixer. It's nice. It smells like her. I'm bout to change that. It's about to smell like merengue and almond flour and sugar. I fucking love macarons.
We get to work in the kitchen with our mis en place and she pours us a couple of glasses of wine, heavy pours in my humble opinion. She looks down at her phone and turns it to silent, and puts some music on the small wireless speaker by the table.
"Good tunes. Love this band." Mazzy Star. Slow melodic and perfect for baking. We work and chat and occasionally bump hands. It's nice. She's easy to talk to. I'm glad I did this. She really isn't that intimidating and I think she is actually a nice person. We keep the wine going and I'm telling her about growing up on a farm and my family. She tells me all about sorority life. Does she realize macarons take like 6 hours? Either way, I'm having fun. I'm to the point now that I'm glad I've made a new friend and I'm one hundred percent positive she wasn't flirting with me. I should probably ask if she has a boyfriend though.
"Ha! No. No boyfriend for me." What the hell does that mean?!
She looks up at me. "How about you? Any lucky girls making you breakfast?"
"Ummm." I do not know what to say. I'm a lesbian and I'm out but I didn't know she knew. Until last year I was dating men. I've never even kissed another girl. Fuck. "No." I say looking down and smiling.
"Well, we'll have to change that." Huh?
I feel her body turn to me and I respond instinctively, turning toward her. She places her fingers on my hand, gently. Welp, I guess she might have been flirting with me all along. She takes a small dollop of Swiss meringue onto her index finger and gently places it onto my neck. I am frozen. My breath hitches and I cannot believe what is happening. She leans in and gently kisses the meringue off my neck. Then she kisses the other side. I take her head in my right hand. Using my thumb I stroke her jaw. I move my hand down to her throat and gently stroke her neck. I let my eyes wander onto hers. Is she sincere with this? Does she want me to kiss her? Her eyes say yes. I lean in slowly, all while lightly running my fingers across her collarbone. When our lips touch I feel her tremble, or was that me? I kiss her lower lip and let my hands slip under her blouse to her lower back. There my fingers slide across her warm skin and I bring her in closer to me. I push her brown hair away from her face and kiss her deeper. God she's beautiful. As she breaks from my mouth and breaths sighs I move my lips to her neck and collarbones. I go slow and caress every inch along the way with light touches of my lips. I allow my hands to continue to wander. Her body is tight and beautiful and tense. Her hands are on the counter behind her, bracing her. She seems to be enjoying what I'm doing so I'll keep going. Her breathing is hard and soft little moans escape here and there. How far does she want this to go? Has she done this before? I sure as shit haven't. I mean, I know what I like. Does that count? Oh god her hands are on my hips. Kissing her is everything I thought it would be. I kiss her lips and nibble. She reaches her hands up under my shirt. Holy shit this is happening. She raises my shirt over my head and off. Good thing I wore my good bra. I smile as she smiles looking at me. I continue my exploration of her clothed body...wait. "Take this off." I say grabbing her blouse. Where did this assertive person come from? I like it.
She smiles and looks through her brows at me. "You take it off."
I kiss her a bit harder now and begin to undo the buttons on her blouse. When she is finally freed of the garment I see she is wearing a gray and blue striped bra. Yeah, ima need that off too. She grabs me and presses our bodies together. She's so warm and her skin is so soft. Before I know it she has undone my bra and her hands are under it, caressing my breasts and touching my stomach. I have to take a breather. I'm completely overwhelmed by the sensations. My mouth is open and my head down. She leans into me and whispers "let's go to my room." I can barely walk.
Somewhere between the kitchen and her bedroom her bra went flying into the living room. I'm not sure if I took it off or if she did, all I know is that her body is beautiful and it's pressed up against me. Her hands are on my body and she is enjoying the way I'm touching her. It's the next part that I'm really, really afraid of. I've never done this with another girl before. What if I'm bad? What if...oh boy that feels good. She's scratching my back as we lay down side by side in her bed. Suddenly she pulls away from my kiss. "I've never done this with a girl before." What a relief. Wait. Is she gay, bi, what? Fuck. Does it even matter?
"Yeah, um I haven't either. You're actually my first girl kiss, as an out lesbian. I'm sorry. We can stop if you want"
She looks at me with a slight smile and kindness and whispers "I don't want to stop."
We kiss again, tenderly. I run my fingertips on her face and tell her how beautiful she is. She blushes. Wow I'm so lucky right now. I continue to gingerly kiss her lips and neck and allow my fingers to rest right along her panty line. I make small circles around her navel and trace circles around her breasts. I feel some urgency in her body as she pulls me in close and then nearly on top of her. We kiss and caress. I grind my pelvis into hers in a way that makes me shudder. We rock together and she moans little sounds. I kiss her breasts and nibble. She seems to like that. I think I might try the next step and I'm working up the courage by easing into it. I'll try it in a little bit. She has other plans. She takes my hand and pushes it into her panties and her breath catches. Her lips part and I start to explore. "Yes. There" -Here's what I know for sure as a woman. If a woman says to you "yes, there, just like that" or any variation of those, you better keep doing exactly what you're doing. Do not change it up in that moment. You're welcome for that advice.
I am fully massaging her clitoris and I have one finger inside her. I'm on top of her with my left arm propping me up so I can kiss her neck and occasionally see her face. God she's beautiful. Is this a dream? If it is...best. dream. ever.
Our bodies are rocking together and my pelvis is grinding on her but god, just making her feel so good is better than an orgasm. For now. Her breaths become shorter and she is to moaning now. She grabs my right arm. I see her hand grasping the sheet and I know. Her pelvis rocks and she cries out. I kiss her neck and she catches her breath.
"Wow." I say
"That was..." she is still out of breath and trying to come around.
"Educational?" I joke as she laughs and covers her face.
"Don't." I pull her hands away. She turns on her side to me and touches my face. "Are you ashamed?"
"No! I'm just hoping you don't think I'm...I don't know...I'm just insecure right now, I guess." She seems so sincere and genuinely worried about what I am thinking. I pull her in close and wrap my fingers around hers.
"I'm really glad you said hi to me. This has been pretty amazing and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes." I say. She smiles and kisses me lightly and strokes my earlobe. "Does this mean you're making breakfast?" I say, jokingly. She laughs and begins kissing and nibbling my belly.
"I can, but I feel like I'm going to have a late night. Better plan on brunch instead."