The buildings passed by me in a blur. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I had to get away from everything. It was all too much. Too much noise, too many words, too much feelings. I can't deal with this. It just hurts. I don't want it to be like this anymore. Maybe I'll go back after I calm down, then I can explain. Yeah. I can do that. Plus Mustang didn't really care anyways. My heart twitched painfully. He doesn't care so he probably won't bring up my breakdown. Yeah! All I have to do is act like I normally do and it'll be like nothing ever happened. It'll all be back to normal. Yeah,. . . normal.
I slowed down to a walk. What even was normal anymore? Was normal the calm tranquility of when mom was still alive, when Alphonse still had his body? Or was it adventuring and trying desperately to find the philosophers stone? Then again, it could also be the crushing weight I carry around that will never leave me alone. I don't know anymore. I don't know who I am. Sure, I was the greatest state alchemist ever, the youngest; that was what I was known by. How much of that was really me though? What part of my life was the real me? Everything feels like a facade, just a bunch of fake reactions, fake concern. It was always the same deal.
I wonder if Al feels like this sometimes. I doubt it. He's more human than me even while trapped in a suit of armor. I shook my head and shut my eyes tightly. This isn't the time for this. I have other things to worry about. Al is more important, getting his body back comes first. Whatever . . . this is, it can wait. Everything can wait until Al is better. I opened my eyes. The sun was covered by clouds, it looked like it was about to rain. I should probably get back to my room. My arm and leg were already starting to ache in pulses. My stomach twisted uncomfortably in my gut. Here I was complaining about a few pains, but my baby brother couldn't feel anything at all. Compared to that, this was nothing. I rushed back to the dorm. Hopefully by the time I get there, Mustang would be gone. I don't want to deal with him anymore, especially not when he saw me crying like a little kid.
Oh well, I can't just avoid him forever. I might as well get this over with. This is gonna suck. I began the walk back to the dorm, my hands bunched up in my pockets, staring down at the ground. Actually, maybe instead... I could just hide forever. Just find my own little nook and hide underneath a blanket until the sun goes away. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea, best idea I've ever had. I should do that. I'm going too.
I turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction. Now, where would be a good place to hide. An alley would be easiest but those are dirty. Nina appeared in my mind in a flash, and I shook my head. No. Too many memories there. Better to avoid those. I could withdraw a bunch of money and stay in a hotel, but then it'd be really easy for anyone to find me. Maybe it could be under the radar though. I'm sure some person would be willing to not file it if they were given enough money. I shook my head, I shouldn't even be considering getting someone else involved with me. It never ended well. So where else could I go?
There was always the Hughes house, or maybe the offices, but people would know if I showed up. I guess I do have to go back to the dorms. Gross. Guess it's time to go face the music. I couldn't exactly leave Alphonse anyways. He needed, no I need him. Sighing, I continued my walk. If Mustang was there, so be it. I would deal with it when the time came. I'm tired.
When I stepped into my room, a hand clasped around my wrist and dragged me in. I tried to yank it away, but the other person was unrelenting. Crossing the threshold of the door, they threw me down onto the couch and held my arms down. It felt..familiar. I looked up and saw Mustang. His hair was disheveled and his brows were furrowed. What's wrong with him? He couldn't have worried that much, I was only gone for..I don't know, but it probably wasn't too long. He was worrying for nothing. It's not like I couldn't take care of myself.
"Edward, you idiot!" Oh, he called me by my name. Why? Maybe I just pushed him past his normal anger. Yeah, makes sense, i did leave. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. I figured this would happen. Might as well just wait for him to run out of steam. Wait. I stared deeper into Mustang's onyx eyes. They were filled with crystalline tears. I wonder why. He had no reason to be sad. Upset sure, but why would he be sad? It didn't make any sense.
"You just..." Mustang took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and clearing them of any water. I was almost sad to see them go. It was the most emotion I had ever seen from him. His grip on my wrists weakened. "You left and we had no idea where you went." I nodded. i knew he'd be upset about that, but the tears. "You can't leave after us seeing you like that. We had no idea if you were okay, or if you were going to come back. Do you have any idea how worried I-" he trailed off. "How worried Alphonse was?"
What was going on? Mustang almost said he was worried. That didn't make sense. I was just his subordinate, not a friend or even a comrade. God, why did he have to choose now of all times to be confusing? It's making my head hurt. Oh right, Mustang probably wants me to say something; he's staring again.
What did he even want me to say though? There isn't really anything I can do to change the fact that I had run away. I can't change the past.
"Sorry" I ended up muttering. It was the only thing I could think of that would fit. Oh, Mustang was mad again. Oops. I guess that isn't what he wanted to hear. My head whipped to the side and my cheek flared in pain. What? It took me a few seconds to register what had happened. He had slapped me. Mustang just..hit me. Wow. I really pissed him off this time. He had never actually hit me before. I suppose it was just a matter of time though.
"You-" Mustang growled out. "Is that really all you can say? You've been gone for hours, Fullmetal!" Have I though? It didn't seem like it had been that long. I could've sworn it had only been minutes. "Where did you even go!? I had the team go out looking for you along with Alphonse and me and we couldn't find you! For all we knew, you could've been dead in a ditch. The others are still out searching for you. It was only luck that I was here when you came in" I see.
He's angry because he had to get everyone to search for me instead of working. They would probably get behind on work and have to work overtime. But still, it wasn't the first time they had to work extra. Was it really that important to Mustang for him to hit me over it? My heart twisted painfully. I guess it was.
I stared at the wall just behind Mustang's head. "I'm sorry sir. I'll apologize to everyone next time I see them. I'll help with any work you've gotten behind on too because of my actions." I walked away. I had reports to write.