Hi! Here is the next chapter. And well it took some time because I have re-written it a few times, but I got happy with the results :)
And yeah I felt like Cara and Loki needed more time together, so felt like they could have more or less a whole chapter. I hope you don't think everyones actions was strange. I tried to make them legit and kind of logical. And the Avengers are starting to see Loki in a new way, ha has lived there a while now.
And I also hope you feel like Loki wasn't to strange in this chapter. I tried to make him feel confused and scared, so hope I managed to do that.
Then I hoped the Harry Potter part, or well not so much Harry Potter, part was okay. Simon is also my own character, the rest, well they do exist, like many of you may know. I have just changed them super duper much in my other stories. And I am sorry to anyone who likes Draco. I like him sometimes, and sometimes I hate him. So making him a bad character wasn't a problem for me, not after awhile at least.
Thinks that's all the information you need. Oh wait, Jane and Thor are away on their honeymoon, that's why they aren't in the chapter.
So thanks to everyone who read and reviews, hope you enjoy the chapter! :)
"Ouch, I am never drinking again!" Tony said as he sat down at the table with the others.
"You say that every time," Pepper said as she took a glass of juice.
"But this time I really mean it!" Tony gave her a determent look.
"You say that every time too," she only answered him as the other laughed.
"Loud!" Tony shouted towards them.
"Now you are then one being loud," Cara only said smiling as she returned from the kitchen with bread.
"How can you be smiling?" Tony asked and Cara laughed.
"Because I am not hangover."
"How did you manage that? How did both of you manage that?" Clint asked and looked at Loki who didn't seem to be hangover either.
"One, I did not try to win a drinking competition against Thor," Cara said and gave both Clint and Tony a look.
"We almost won!" Tony said and at that Loki snorted but didn't comment any further.
"Well I don't need to say more about that," Cara said. "And secondly, he is a God, and well they need to drink a lot to get even drunk, and I have magic that helps me. That and I can also handle alcohol."
"Lucky bastard's," Tony said.
"Language," Steve told him and Tony just gave him the finger.
"Well I will wake the twins, please behave when they get here," Cara said and looked at Tony.
"Why me? I didn't do anything," Tony said and Cara raised an eyebrow "Fine, I behave mother."
"Thank you, young one," Cara said with a laugh before she left the others, and Tony gave her the finger too.
"Loki I did love your speech," Pepper said with a smile after Cara left.
"I did too. It was nice to hear you so honest," Peggy said.
"Does that mean that you are feeling more comfortable around us? I mean that you can be yourself, not feeling like you need to be this evil person?" Pepper asked.
"Can we please not talk about it?" Loki asked without looking at them.
"Oh don't be shy. It was lovely. And you deserve the praise," Peggy told him.
"It was nice to see another side of you. Besides the evil villain you used to be," Tony teased.
"And I must say that we like this side of you. Never thought I would say it, but you can be a nice guy Loki." Clint added.
Loki didn't answered them, or even smiled, but they didn't seem to notice.
"Neither did I. But I like this new you. You have come a long way. Maybe it's because of Cara. I never thought I would say this, but maybe Thor was right, she brings out the best in you," Tony said with a smile.
"Can we not bring her into this?" Loki asked them but they didn't seem to care.
"I think you are right Tony. If Loki is this nice all the time, I can see why she likes him," Clint said.
"Thought it was you who didn't understood why people could date him," Tony teased.
"I didn't. But guess people can change," Clint answered.
"Can we stop talking about this?" Loki said in an irritated way.
"No, it's to big!" Tony said and laughed. "I mean can you just not see the headlines? Loki the evil villain, is a nice guy, thanks to his girlfriend."
"Please don't referee to her as my girlfriend," Loki told them.
"Fine, I just call her your…what shall I call her? Wife? Lover? Nah girlfriend it is," Tony teased and Loki's eyes got darker. "Anyway, does this mean you will fight with us now? Next to your brother?"
"That would be interesting, wouldn't it?" Clint asked the others.
"I will admit that it would," Steve said after a few seconds and the others nodded.
"That would be a risky move," Mothi said and they looked at him in surprise. "What? It is true. Sure it was a nice speech, but he is known for his silver tongue. And he is the God of lies, just don't trust him that blindly."
"So much for being the brave one," Tony teased.
"I may be brave, but I am not stupid," Mothi informed him.
"Not what I have heard. Hitting on Cara," Clint said with a laugh and Mothi's ears become red.
"Anyway. I am just warning you," he said.
"I think we will be fine. Loki hasn't hurt us yet," Tony said. "Isn't that proof enough? He is starting to become a nice guy."
"I am not…" Loki started.
"Yes you are! And it's nothing wrong with it. I mean you have been living with us for a while now, without trying to kill us," Tony said and pat Loki's back. Loki who wasn't prepared for it flinched and pushed his chair away from Tony. "Oh sorry Loki."
"Tony," Bruce said and Tony looked at him.
"I said I was sorry," Tony said and Bruce just shook his head. "But you have to admit it would be really cool to have Loki fight with us! Imagine all the things he could do!"
"I am not interested," Loki said in a low voice.
"Don't say that. I know you would do great with us!" Clint tried and Tony nodded.
"Right! I mean none of us can handle magic, you can. You could beat them all. We wouldn't even need to do anything! And if you joined maybe Cara would, we could almost retire," Tony said with a big smile.
"Why are you trying to get him to fight with you? Do you wish to die?" Mothi asked.
"No, but we wouldn't," Tony said.
"Can we stop talking about this now?" Loki asked in a slightly irritated voice.
"It is your life, can't stop you from doing stupid things," Mothi said.
"Why are you doubting him brother?" Magni asked and Mothi looked at him.
"Do you remember how it was too grew up around him? And back then he was just playing tricks. It was before he started to become real crazy." Mothi said in a low voice.
"I am sitting here!" Loki warned them.
"Do you not trust father?" Magni asked.
"Not about this," Mothi admitted.
"I think you are wrong. I think father is right, Loki has changed. You heard him yesterday. He isn't the same person we knew before. I think that after everything he went through he changed, so I would say that if it was what it took for him to change, it was worth it," Magni said without thinking. But as soon as he had said those words they all could feel the magic in the air. They all felt how hurt and angry Loki was.
"I asked you to stop talking about this," he said in a low cold voice and stood up. "Apparently you low life creatures can't understand those words."
"Loki we didn't mean anything," Tony said and smiled towards him, but Loki just gave him a deadly glance.
"Keep your excuses for yourself Anthony."
"See this is what I am talking about," Mothi whispered to his brother and Loki looked at them.
"Shut up," Magni whispered back. "Loki I am sorry, I just meant that if this changed you to a better person, it all wasn't…"
Magni tried to explain what he had meant, but he stopped when he saw Loki's dark eyes. But he didn't see how Loki fought back the tears.
"It was all just a mistake Loki. Why don't you sit down again," Clint said in a friendly voice and placed a hand on his shoulder without thinking. At that moment they all felt how the magic hit them. They flew back and landed on the floor, just as Loki left the for the elevator.
Cara smiled when she got back with the twins. They had been really sleepy so it took her a long time to wake them up. But she knew that they stayed up longer than usual yesterday, so she didn't say anything about it. But when Cara walked into the dining room she stopped. Everything was in chaos. The furniture was destroyed and spread all over the room. The people was lying on the floor and Loki was missing.
"What happened?" She just asked, she didn't ask anyone specific. The twins just looked around and then at her.
"Is this what grown up does after we go to bed?" Narfi asked and Cara looked down at him, and if it had been another time she had laughed.
"No," she only said and waited for an answer.
"We talked and Loki got upset," Bruce said in an angry voice.
"I want you to return to your room!" Cara said to the twins who looked at her very puzzled. "Now."
The twins nodded before they ran off. Cara didn't feel like taking the risk of what could happen if Bruce turned.
"Bruce stay calm," Cara said.
"I am calm," Bruce snapped at her and she sighed, before she started to sing a calm song and clean up the mess. She stayed away from Bruce and she saw that the others did too.
Bruce finally calmed down and the others was reviled.
"So what did happen?" Cara asked them, demanding an answer.
"We just talked with him," Tony said as he tried to stop the bleeding from his head.
"About?"
"How much we liked his speech, what most of us thought about it, and that he really is a nice guy." Clint said and Cara sighed. "What? What is wrong with that?"
"That doesn't concern you. What else did you do, because this would just not happen."
"Clint touched him!" Tony snapped.
"You touched him first," Clint defended himself.
"What else?" Cara said in a very irritated way.
"He did ask us to stop," Steve said a bit hesitant.
"And?"
"I may have said that everything that happened to him was a good thing," Magni admitted.
"You did what?" Cara asked.
"I mean that it changed him to a better person," Magni said and at those words Cara threw him into the wall and he became unconscious.
"Where did he go?" Cara just asked and the others looked at her, for the first time understanding that she would hurt them without thinking, if something happened to Loki.
"The elevator," Pepper answered and Cara nodded, thinking. Where would Loki go? He would most likely not leave the tower, so he had to be somewhere in the tower.
"Fandral," she said almost in panic before she ran to the elevator.
Cara stepped out from the elevator and calmly walked towards Fandral's cell, not wanting to scare Loki, or make him angry. She didn't know which mood he was in, and she didn't know what could happen. Loki was a powerful man; Cara knew that so she was careful. As she walked towards Fandral's cell she looked for Loki, hoping that he would have stopped himself along the way, but she couldn't find him, and she felt the panic raise.
She guessed it could only mean that he was in Fandral's cell, but she almost begged God that she would be wrong about that. Cara knew that it was a useless pray, she knew that she wasn't wrong. When Cara got closer she saw that the door was open and she stopped. She knew that she needed to be calm or at least appear calm in this, something she really wasn't.
As she sneaked into the room she could see Loki on his knees in front of Fandral, who had his trousers down. Which made Cara a bit puzzled, she knew that she had removed everything she could when she castrated him. There was nothing there, nothing Loki could suck. It was at that moment she saw how Loki was licking him instead, and she felt her heart stop. It broke her heart to see Loki like this, so lost, so scared or angry that he walked to Fandral. She had done it herself, and she understood the fear, regret and the much welcomed emptiness, and the warm feeling of a familiar situation Loki felt, even if it wasn't a situation you were happy in. It was something you knew and could grasp.
"Do something to make it feel good!" Fandral suddenly shouted and grabbed Loki by the hair and threw him down on the floor, and Cara could see how Loki was scared but he also smiled, that smile one only did because you were back in a world you had become familiar with, that wasn't as scary as trying to figure everything out, once you were free.
"You are as useless as always! Why do I even keep you around?" Fandral asked before he spit on Loki. "No one wants you anyway, so why should be the one stuck with you? You are filth on the floor."
Fandral turned around, looking at the wall and continued to curse Loki, who didn't seem to care. Cara walked over to Loki and offered him her hand, he looked up at her, and first he didn't seem to realise who she was, and when he did he looked away. But Cara didn't move, she just stood there offering her hand, and when Loki looked back at her, she smiled.
Cara saw how Loki started to cry but she didn't move or say anything, all she could do was offer her help. She could not drag him away from Fandral, this was a choice he needed to make himself, because if she dragged him away, he would continue doubting which option was the best. She saw how unsure Loki was about it, Fandral was a terrible person, but he had gotten used to him, he knew what he got and he didn't need to think, feel or act around him. She offered him freedom, love and a second chance, but sometimes that was even scarier, she knew that.
"I am sorry Loki," Fandral said when he calmed down. "We can try agai…"
He stopped when he turned around and saw Cara standing there.
"What do you think you are doing?" He asked her before he looked at Loki "And you? Don't dare to move!"
"I think I am standing here," Cara said with a smile, but she didn't say anything to Loki.
"Get out!" Fandral shouted and walked towards her. "He came to me!"
"I am aware of that," Cara told Fandral.
"And you still want him? You want someone's else's trash?" He asked and laughed.
"What may be one man's trash, is another ones treasure," she only said and looked towards Loki with a smile.
"Never thought you was this funny," Fandral said and laughed.
"You can often miss that when you are focused on hating someone," Cara said in a mocking way.
"I told you not to move!" Fandral shouted and pointed at Loki who had been moving. Loki looked at Fandral then at Cara, not sure what to do. "Don't look at her!"
Fandral walked over and grabbed Loki's hair again and forced him onto his knees.
"Shall we show her how we are doing it?" Fandral whispered in Loki's ear, as he was looking at Cara who didn't say anything. She just stood there, waiting for Loki to make a move. "I take that as a yes."
At those words Fandral made Loki lean further back and Fandral gave him a forced kiss, as his hand was slowly sliding down Loki's chest. Cara forced away every emotion and thought as she stood there, forcing herself to only stand there and waiting for Loki. But she started to doubt him, fearing that she would need to leave here without Loki. She was about to turn around and walk away when Loki pushed Fandral away and gave her a look and Cara smiled. She offered him her hand again, he took it and she helped him to his feet. As soon as Loki was standing next to her he hugged her.
"Come back here Loki!" Fandral shouted and Cara looked at him, before she even threw him into the wall and he became unconscious.
"I am sorry," Loki whispered to her and she just hugged him back.
"It's alright. You don't need to apologise," Cara told him.
"But…but I returned to him. I couldn't resist. Everything felt so hopeless and…"
"I know Loki. That's why you don't need to apologise. I have done the same. But it's okay, we take one step at the time," she told him and he nodded.
"You aren't mad?"
"I am not mad. I was worried, that I will admit. But I cannot be mad at you for this. Can't say the same about the others though," Cara said and Loki looked at her.
"What did you do?"
"I threw your nephew into the wall," she informed him.
"What am I going to do? After what I did to them?"
"They only have themselves to blame. You asked them to stop," she said, not even thinking about defending the others. "But I do think you could need a pause away from all of them."
"Do you want to lock me up?" Loki asked and gave her a scared look.
"No," she said, once again feeling her heart brake, as she took his hands. "I was more thinking of that maybe we should take a trip for a few days."
"A trip?" Loki asked, and he was very unsure. "I am not sure. I…I would need to leave the tower. And I don't know if I or we would be safe out there."
Cara thought about it. She knew that it would be harder to protect Loki outside the tower, but she really felt that he needed to get away for a few days, away from the people.
"I know a place where we will be safe," she told him in a kind voice. "If you want to go?"
"The twins," Loki started and she knew that he was scared.
"I am sure that Frigga can take care of them. But if you don't want to go, I will not force you."
Cara could tell that Loki thought about it. She saw the fear in his eyes, but also a curiosity of seeing a new place.
"Will I be safe there?" he asked.
"Can't promise, but I can't really promise it here either. But what I can promise you is that it's as safe there as here," Cara told him and Loki nodded.
"Can we return whenever I…we feel like it?" He asked, and Cara could tell that he didn't want to be, too much of a trouble, therefor said we instead of I.
"We can," Cara informed him and Loki slowly nodded.
"Then I can try," he said and she smiled and held his hand as they left Fandral's cell.
Cara had walked past the others without looking at them, she felt that Loki was a bit hesitated over what he should do, but Cara didn't let him stop. Normally she would have let Loki decide that, but she felt like the others didn't deserve to explain themselves right now. And she felt like Loki had nothing to apologise for. She knew that she shouldn't make those decisions for Loki, but she was to mad to care.
"Cara is everything alright?" Loki carefully asked and she looked at him.
"No it's not," she told him, knowing he would know if she lied anyway.
"I am sorry," he said and Cara stopped.
"Loki you have nothing to apologise for, I told you that. It's the other ones I am mad at," she explained in a kind voice and Loki slowly nodded. Cara didn't say anything more before she walked over to the room Frigga was staying in and knocked.
Frigga opened the door looking at them.
"Is everything alright?"
"Let's just say that people in this tower need to think before they act or talk," Cara answered.
"What did they do?" Frigga asked.
"Nothing good. But that's not why we are here."
"That I could have guessed. So what can I help you with?" Frigga asked, smiling towards both of them.
"We were wondering if you could watch over the twins a few days?" Cara asked and Frigga gave her a surprised look.
"Has something happened?"
"We are going on a trip, that's all. Felt like we needed a few days away from the tower," Cara smiled towards her, but Loki looked away in shame.
"That sounds lovely, I hope you have a great time. And I would love to spend some time with my youngest grandchildren," Frigga said with a smile.
"Thank you," Cara hugged her and Frigga smiled before she looked over to Loki.
"Can I hug you?" she asked and Loki backed away from her, and Cara could see how much it hurt Frigga.
"I am sorry mother," Loki whispered, trying not to cry.
"Nothing to apologise for love. When you feel like you are ready to give me a hug again, I will give you one," Frigga smiled towards her youngest son, who only nodded.
"Then let's tell the twins, and the others," Cara said and offered Loki her hand and he took it.
When they had talked to the twins, who was a bit worried that they wouldn't come back at first, and then got sad that they couldn't come with them, they overcome it when they said they would spend time with Frigga. The twins got really happy, hearing that they would have some time alone with their grandmother.
After talking to the twins, Cara had only informed the others that they would be gone a few days. Loki had only stood next to her without saying a word, and the others didn't say much either. Cara could tell that they actually were very unsure, almost scared. She didn't know if it was because of her or Loki. And she knew that they would need to fix that when they got back, but she would let them think over it while they were gone. After saying goodbye to them she took Loki's hand and teleported them.
They landed on the foot of a hill with a big house on top of it. Cara could tell that Loki got unsure right away, it being a new place and all. So she took his hand and smiled towards him.
"Let's go," she said and started walking towards the house. The small path in front of them was covered with grass, and the trees next to the path was growing wild. No one cared to look after it anymore.
"Where are we?" Loki asked as he looked around.
"We are in England," Cara answered him and he gave her a questioning look, but she didn't say anything else as they kept walking. Loki didn't question her about it, and she was grateful for it.
"Is that a cemetery?" Loki asked as they pasted the first fence and she nodded. "Why is there a cemetery here? Does it belong to the house?"
Cara was glad that Loki asked questions, since it was who he was, he wanted to know stuff. And she had knew that he would ask questions when they got here, she just wasn't too happy answering them.
"It does belong to the house. The last owners are buried there," Cara answered him and Loki waited for her to say something more. "The big one over there would be my grandfather and his parents. And this one would be my mother. Neither of them are people I have met or mourned, so no need to be sorry."
Loki looked at her, then the graves and then the house.
"Is this where you grew up?" Loki asked her and she nodded. "I can't ask you to go in there! Not after…"
Loki didn't know what to say and Cara looked at him with a smile.
"Don't you worry about it. It's just a house, I never hated the house, just the people in it," she explained and it was true. She had actually loved the house. The memory of the people was what destroyed it.
"You do not need to do this," Loki stopped her as she tried to start walking again.
"I know that I don't need to do this, but I want to do this. You needed a break from it all and…" she started and looked at the house. "And I need to face my own demons or something."
Cara said it with a smile, but she didn't mean it, and Loki walked up to her and hesitated before he gave her a hug.
"Are you sure? I am sorry if I am forcing you to do this. We can go back…" Loki said and Cara shook her head.
"It's fine. Don't you worry about it. Let's make some new memories in the house," She said and took his hand as they started walking. "And I have seen where you grew up so it's only fair if you see where I grew up."
At those words Loki rolled his eyes at her and followed her towards the house.
Cara walked past the 4 barriers protecting the house, with Loki next to her, very careful with not letting go of his hands, not wanting him to get hurt. When they arrived at the door she stopped and took a deep breath. Loki was watching her, she could tell and she put the hand on the door and a snake come out of it. Cara looked at it and held her hand in front of it.
"What are you doing?" Loki asked her.
"Letting it bite me. It's the last protection. If you somehow manage to get past the barriers, you need to have the right blood. To my father, right blood was one of the most important things. He was very proud that we are related to an old powerful wizard, something he liked to tell people. Anyway you can't get into the house without the right blood, or the permission of the owner, in this case me."
"Right blood?" Loki asked.
"Right, I some times forget that people don't know about this. Well in the magic world I grew up, there is tree type of people. You have Pure-bloods, people with only magic in their blood, Muggles, people without magic in the blood, and half-bloods, who has either ancestors who are muggles or one parents that are," Cara explained as she opened the door and walked in. The hallway was dark, until she lit the room with magic.
"And you are Pure-blood?" Loki asked and Cara laughed.
"No I am not. Even if it was important to my father, he wasn't either. His mother fell a love with a muggle, and to make a long story short, she used magic to be with him. Got pregnant with my father. When my grandmother stopped using magic to control my grandfather he left her. She died giving birth to my father. And he killed my grandfather when he was 16. My mother was pure-blood, but it doesn't make my pure-blood," she explained.
"Is that good or bad?" Loki asked as her.
"Depends on who you are asking. To make another story short, my father started the war to rule over the muggles. The other side who excepts them fought against him. Their side don't care about your blood. Not like this side did. I guess I had a high status, despite only being half-blood. Giving me the lovely title the dark princess," she said in ironic voice.
"I had forgotten about that title, but that was what people called you when you arrived at Asgard wasn't it? And My Princess," Loki teased her and Cara smiled towards him.
"It's great to hear you tease me, I have missed that. But if you ever start calling me princess I will kill you," Cara warned him and Loki just gave her a look before he started laughing and she sighed and walked into the kitchen to lit even that room.
"Sorry for laughing," Loki said as he walked after her.
"At least I made you laugh," Cara said and smiled towards him and Loki nodded.
"So feel like showing me around?"
"It's no palace, but I can do that," she answered and took his hand.
"You did see the hallway and this if you didn't notice it, is the kitchen," she said and Loki nodded.
"I didn't notice," he said in a sarcastic voice.
"Then it's good that I am here to inform you then," she said in an equal sarcastic voice as she started walking. "The dining room, nothing to special and hardly used. My father didn't need to eat and he rarely eat with me. Normally it was Severus who eat with me, when he was here, and we ate in the kitchen."
Loki only nodded and Cara walked on.
"This was the room my father normally had his meetings in, talking about taking over the world, giving orders and stuff like that," Cara said and looked at the dark room. She saw a map of the world on the table, with papers with notes on it. Loki read from one of them.
"He seemed ambitious," Loki said and looked at her.
"He was," she admitted and they kept walking. She showed him the library, guest rooms and the living room.
"What's down there?" Loki asked and pointed at some stairs leading down.
"The prison cells," Cara answered and kept walking up to the second floor and Loki took her hand without saying anything. Cara was grateful towards him.
"This was my Severus room," she stopped in front of a door. "I can't go in there right now."
"There is no need," Loki assured her as he heard the sorrow in her voice and she nodded.
"My father's room," Cara said as the kept walking, but she just passed it and then stopped at the door at the end of the corridor. "This is my room"
The room looked like it had the last time she was in there. The furniture in the room was all black. The walls were dark, so was the floor. The only thing with colour was a white carpet on the floor, and she walked over to the book, stilly laying on the bed.
"A bit dark," Loki said with a teasing voice and she looked at him.
"Um yeah," Cara answered and picked up the book and put it back in its place.
"Cara," Loki only said and walked over to her and she looked at him.
"Loki," she answered him and actually smiled.
"We can go back," Loki said once more.
"I will be fine. Don't you worry. And I actually think we both needed sometime away from the tower," Cara told him and Loki gave her a look. "I know that they are trying, but sometimes I think they are doing things worse on purpose."
At those words Loki looked down in shame and Cara guessed it was because over how he had handled the situation, and then returned to Fandral. Cara just hugged him, she felt like no words was needed. They just stood there a few minutes before Loki kissed her forehead, very carefully, afraid that she would mind, but she just smiled towards him, and he relaxed a bit.
"Told you that you don't need to worry when you do stuff like that," she said in a friendly voice.
"But after earlier, I feared that you may not want me to touch you," he said in a low voice and Cara chuckled softly.
"I don't mind that, so no need to worry."
"How can you not mind?" Loki asked her, almost angry.
"Why would I? Loki I told you that I have done that too. You often do, sometimes it feels easier to go back then leave," She looked him the eyes. "But please talk to me the next time instead. I don't want to see you get hurt."
At those words Loki started to cry.
"Let's sit down," she said and they walked over to the sofa in the room and Loki let his head rest in her lap. Cara stroke his hair and let him take the time he needed to calm down.
Loki calmed down a while later and he smiled a weak smile.
"How about forgetting everything that happened in the tower for a while?" she asked and Loki nodded.
"I will try," he answered her, and Cara smiled. That was all she could ask him to do. She just hopped that he could forget about it for a few days at least.
"What is this?" Loki asked and she looked at what he was holding.
"A photo album," she answered and Loki gave her a curious look. "Feel free to open it".
Loki sat up next to her and rested his head against her shoulder as he started to look through it.
"The pictures are moving?" he asked surprised.
"Pictures in the magic world does that," she only answered him, for her it was a normal thing.
"You are so small," he said and looked at the first pictures of her as a kid.
"Well children normally are. And I am around 2 here," Cara said and looked at the pictures of her and her godfather. "That's my godfather, Severus Snape."
"He looks like a kind man," Loki said and Cara only nodded and Loki kept looking at the pictures of her as a kid. Cara looked at the pictures remembering all the memories and smiled a little. It was her birthdays, moments she was cooking food with her Severus, her collecting things in the forest. Things normal kids did.
"It looks like you were happy," Loki told her.
"I was. As long as I was with Sev I was always happy. The times with my father wasn't as happily, that's why they aren't in here," she explained when Loki looked at the photos.
"Is this the school you went to?" he asked and pointed at a castle.
"It's Hogwarts," Cara confirmed and Loki took his time looking through them all. Asking question about classes or places and Cara had a nice time. She hadn't thought about those memories in years, and seeing Loki relaxing and wanting to know more about her made her happy.
"Who are they?" Loki had stopped at a pictures of her and her friends and at once all the happiness was gone, which Loki noticed. "Forget that I asked."
He was about to turn to the next page when she stopped him.
"The girl with the brown hair is Hermione, the two guys next to her is Ron and Harry," Cara said and pointed at them. "Harry died at the war, my father's enemy. Hermione and Ron survived, the war, I don't know if they are alive now."
Cara then returned to the picture.
"That's Blaise, he moved away when the war started. That's Simon," Cara paused as she looked at the man with silver hair. "He was my fiancé, the one that my father murdered."
Loki took her hand and smiled towards her.
"And him?" Loki asked and pointed at the blond man in the picture and Cara looked away.
"That's Draco, the man my father wanted me to marry, the man that was Minna's father and the man that raped me," she just said and at those words she felt how Loki got angry before he closed the book and took her into his arms.
"Is he alive?" Loki asked.
"I don't know, and I don't care. As long as I never need to see him again," Cara told him and Loki kissed her forehead again.
"Want me to kill him if he is?" Loki offered and Cara couldn't help but laugh and Loki looked down as he did something wrong.
"Oh don't look down Loki. It's very sweet of you to ask, but there is no need to kill him. He isn't worth the time," she explained and leaned against his chest, and they just sat there, two broken souls holding each other. Cara felt a bit guilty for making Loki comfort her, she was supposed to be the one helping him, not the other way around. But then she smiled, maybe it helped him, he was starting to become more like himself, or at least like he was when he was around her.
"Cara?" Loki asked and she looked up and nodded. "When did you stop being scared?"
At first Cara didn't know if she should answer him, she wasn't sure she could give him an answer he would like or not. She could lie, but she didn't like lying to Loki. And he often saw right threw her.
"I never stopped being scared. I am not scared all the time, but the fear that one of the people I have crossed paths with will find me, even if I have killed many. And the fear of getting new enemies every time I enter a new world, is always there in the back of my mind," she admitted.
"So it will never go away?" Loki whispered.
"Can't say. It's different for everyone. Some people get rid of the fear, I just think I have pissed off to many people to feel safe," she said with a joyless smile.
"I wish I can make you feel safe one day," Loki admitted, before he realised what he had said, feeling as he was overstepping and he looked away, but Cara hugged him.
"You make me feel safe Loki," she informed him.
"You are to kind, but please don't pity me," Loki told her.
"I wouldn't do that. It's the truth Loki, I do feel safe around you. You don't need to do anything for me to feel safe, nothing else then being there," Cara said, and she meant it. Being around Loki always made her feel safe, no matter how Loki himself felt.
"I…" Loki started "I don't understand. How can you feel safe around me? I can't protect you, I am useless, I am a monster and I am a villain remember, I hurt people."
"You did protect me, remember? You stopped Fury, and you protected me from my father, years ago. And you aren't a monster Loki, I will never think you are," Cara told him and then smiled. "Yes you are a villain, and yes you hurt people, but that doesn't bother me. You don't hurt me, and that's all that matters. I mean I am pretty sure that people call me a villain too, but I don't care about that either. People can call me whatever they want, because they don't mean anything to me. I only care what the people I like thinks of me."
Loki didn't answer, she knew that he still didn't believe what she said, and it would take a long time for him to do that. You remembered the mean things people said over the kind things, and replacing all the mean words with kind ones took years.
"Did you feel like this too?" Loki asked her and she nodded.
"I did. People have made me think I am was unworthy to live, that I am a monster. That I am in the way, useless and that no one wants me," Cara admitted. But the feeling she felt the most was that she failed as a mother. Getting her own daughter killed, she was the worst. No one had said those words to her, it wasn't needed, she still felt it. But she didn't say that to Loki, afraid he would think the same about himself. But his case was different, he wasn't there, he couldn't have saved his children.
"But you aren't any of those things," Loki said and Cara smiled.
"I know. The people who have saved me told me," she said and Loki slowly nodded.
"How long did it take until you believed them?"
"Can't say. It was different every time. Everything depended on who hurt me, for how long and who saved me," Cara told him.
"You know that I want to believe you?" Loki asked and she smiled.
"I know, but don't force it. Give it time," she took his hand and he nodded.
"I thought about what you said yesterday," Loki started and she looked at him. "About being who ever I want to be. Can I be different around different people?"
"You already are," she said and Loki gave her a puzzled look. "You aren't the same around everyone. You are a father around the twins, you are very kind and thoughtful around Frigga, not wanting to worry her. You are often more teasing or judging around Thor, you are careful and a bit unsure around the avengers and around me, well you are just however you want to be."
"What if I don't want to be like that?" Loki asked and Cara laughed.
"Then you change. But trust me Loki, thinking about this isn't going to help you. It's going to make you more confused. Just be however you like to be. And don't care about what people think, if they don't like you for you, then you don't keep them in your life," she told him. She really didn't want him to force himself, and Loki slowly nodded.
"Cara?" Loki asked and she met his eyes. "I…I am just glad that you are by my side."
"I will always be by your side," she told him and Loki smiled and kissed her forehead again and she smiled towards him. Cara was glad that Loki felt safe enough around her to do that, and she loved the contact. She had missed his touch. And the smallest things could make her happy.
"How about some food?" Cara asked after a few minutes and Loki looked at her and she saw that he was about to answer her when he stopped. Cara met his gaze with a puzzled look, not understanding why he stopped. Then she saw how he leaned forward and stopped right in front of her lips. She could feel his breath against her lips and it tickled. Loki looked at her, asking for her permission and she smiled.
"If you feel that you are ready, it's…" Cara didn't finish the sentence before she felt Loki's lips on hers. They reminded her of snow, like it always had in the past. Cara remembered all the times they have had in Asgard and she felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach. She got lost in the moment, forgetting about everything around her. Cara felt how she wanted more, she wanted to feel Loki's hair between her fingers, she wanted to pull him close and feel his hands up on her body, but she didn't act. This was a big step for Loki and she didn't want to scare him, so she left him control everything.
When Loki pulled away he was very unsure, but Cara just smiled before she laughed a happy smile.
"Okay," she just finished the sentence and Loki looked at her before he laughed too. Cara took his hand and smiled when they stopped laughing. "So food?"