Shinji woke up the next morning, his head spinning. Something was wrong and for the life of him, he didn't know what it was. He walked out of his bedroom and saw Ryozo lounging on the couch, watching cartoons, nursing a cup of coffee. Shinji stumbled into the kitchen, his mind clearly else where. He managed to make himself some breakfast and join his roommate on the couch, but continued to stare into space, racking his brain for the thing that was bothering him.

He finally had the idea on the tip of his tongue and suddenly a foot snuck in front of him, a big toe poking his cheek. Shinji snapped back into reality and swatted Ryozo's foot away.

That's disgusting, get that away from me, Shinji said, frustrated that he had lost his train of thought.

What? They're clean! Ryozo wriggled his toes in front of Shinji's face, laughing. Once he realized Shinji was in no mood to play, he tucked his feet back underneath him and looked seriously at Shinji. Did you find something interesting on the wall or is something bugging you? Ryozo asked, hitting mute on the tv.

Shinji shook his head and let out a sigh. You know that feeling where you know you've forgotten something or there was something you were supposed to know, but for the life of you, you can't remember? Shinji asked.

Yeah, I get it all the time, Ryozo shrugged nonchalantly.

Well, I think I forgot something really really important, but I can't think of what. It's been bothering me since last night, I just can't figure it out, Shinji nibbled mindlessly on his breakfast.

I dunno what to tell ya kid. You're probably losin' it, Ryozo said with a carefree grin.

No, this is serious, is there anything I might have forgotten? Shinji asked, wishing for once his roommate could be serious.

I dunno man. As far as I know, we've got everything paid, no birthdays or anything. I can't think of anything you'd be forgetting, Ryozo said.

Shinji just nodded, accepting this for the time being. He concentrated on eating, trying to push the feeling out of his mind. He didn't have work today, though he wished he did. Sometimes working cleared his mind in a way nothing else could. At work he could concentrate on that and these sort of things didn't bother him. When there was nothing to do at home, such things ate him up.

I think I'm gonna go out today, Ryozo, you're more than welcome to come along, if you want, Shinji offered.

Sure, I'll come along. It's been a while since we've done anything. I was beginning to forget we were buddies, Ryozo grinned.

They left their apartment shortly after, no particular purpose in mind. They wandered the streets for a while, getting lost in conversation and just visiting old places they had liked during their University years. They finally wound up on an abandoned beach, not far from where Shinji had spent his childhood.

A sense of peace washed over Shinji as they pulled off their shoes and walked through the sand and the surf.

I spent some of my childhood here. When I worked for my father, Shinji said, leaving out the tiny details.

He didn't talk about his past much, particularly the year he spent here. It was a rough and terrible time and it made him a little nervous as to why he felt so peaceful on this beach, only feet away from where he was thrust into his own personal hell. But this beach, for some unknown reason, set his mind at peace. He had spent many nights here with Misato, crying on her shoulder and many nights here on his own, thinking about himself and what he wanted.

This is old Tokyo-3, right? Ryozo's voice seeped through Shinji's trip down memory lane.



I was moved out of here before all of the monsters started appearing, Ryozo said quietly, watching the setting sun, sitting next to Shinji, who stood above him.

The Angels, Shinji murmured with a heavy sigh.

Is that what those were called? Ryozo asked. He couldn't remember much of that time and was unaware of the horrors that Shinji and three other children had to endure. He didn't even know what an Eva was, let alone that it had his roommate as a pilot.

Yeah. That's what those were called, Shinji murmured and continued to stare out on the horizon.

Ryozo sat in silence, watching both the waves crash upon the shore as well as Shinji. Such pain was behind those eyes, he only wished he could understand what Shinji hid in his heart. He had tried many times to get Shinji to talk about it. Shinji put up a good front, if you didn't know him, you wouldn't know that he was dying inside. Ryozo had learned that when they had begun to live together and while he tried to talk about it, Shinji would push the subject aside. He would always turn the topic back to Ryozo. Ryozo hadn't really thought of it that way before then, but found it to be perfectly true.

It's nice here, Ryozo said after a little while, looking up at Shinji. Tears were falling down the other man's face. Shinji, what's wrong? Ryozo stood up, concerned.

Hmm? Nothing's wrong, he said.

Ryozo reached out and touched the wetness on Shinji's face. You're crying.

Oh, wow, he wiped the tears off his face. I wonder what brought that on, I didn't even realize it.

Do you have some strong memories here?

Well, some. But nothing that would bring me to tears, he said, going silent after that, listening to the soft, sobbing sound of the ocean.

When it started to get cold and dark, they both stood up and slipped their shoes back on.

Once they were back in their apartment, Shinji felt like he had finally come to peace with the horrors he had endured ten years ago. His father was dead, Nerv was disbanded, the angels were gone and he was finally able to be his own person. He was no longer manipulated by powers higher than himself.

Thanks for going out with me today, Ryozo, Shinji smiled and laid a warm hand on Ryozo's shoulder.

Ryozo patted his hand and returned the smile. My pleasure, Shinji.

When he crawled into bed that night, Shinji realized that the feeling of having forgotten something was gone. He knew that his trip today had something to do with that and he was glad he had taken it. With the next day, his life would finally be his own. He was finally able to completely move on from his past, he no longer allowed it to be a part of him.

Kaworu sat perched on the same rock that Shinji had found him on ten years ago. He had seen Shinji, was close enough to talk to him, to touch him. But when he saw the younger man approach with what he assumed was a friend, he had hid, buried himself in the shadows. Shinji truly had forgotten him, though it seemed Shinji's heart had not, the tears running down his face had proved that. Something inside Shinji remembered him. They could wipe out his memory, but they couldn't destroy the effect that Kaworu had had on his heart.

Kaworu sobbed quietly, wishing he wasn't so lost and alone, abandoned on this planet and in this existence. If he wasn't able to get Shinji back, the whole thing would be a waste. Although he was able to him in person once again, all he was doing was watching.

A/N: I would just like to say thank you for the reviews and all the kind words towards this story. I am completely in debt to both Jess and Dave. Jess, thanks so much for betaing for me and making me feel like the best damn writer in the world. Dave, thanks for your constructive criticism and your support. It's nice to have someone who loves and respects Kaworu's character as much as me to read it and give me an honest and complete response of what you thought about it. Anyhoo, I don't own Eva or any of the song titles I use for chapter names.