Ryozo was standing at the kitchen counter, munching on freshly made breakfast when Shinji walked through the door. He looked up, his roommate was wearing the same clothes from yesterday and seemed disheveled . . . Shinji had apparently made a new friend last night.

"Hey, Shinji! What happened last night?" Ryozo asked, swallowing down a bit of food and wiping his mouth his his sleeve.

Shinji looked up at Ryozo for a moment. If he didn't respond, Ryozo would be upset, if he did, then Shinji would have to relive what happened last night. He took a deep breath, Ryozo was the only person who cared for him, may as well not ruin that relationship.

"I went out with a guy last night and stayed the night," Shinji said, deciding to make himself some breakfast as well.

"Yeah? Did anything happen?" Ryozo asked, a bit surprised, it wasn't like Shinji to be that impulsive.

Shinji was quiet for a moment, placing bread in the toaster. "Yeah. Nothing super serious, but yeah."

"Ah. Are you going out again?" Ryozo asked, sipping at his juice.

"I don't think so. I don't know him and I think I made a big mistake last night. I just left this morning," Shinji shrugged.

"Wait, you just left . . .did you leave a note or something?"

"No. He was awake when I left. He wanted me to stay, but I didn't know him and it was just too weird, so I more or less ran out," Shinji explained.

"That's shitty, Shinji."

"What!" Shinji looked up, his eyes wide. "He was a complete stranger and I let him . . look, I don't' know anything about him and I just jumped in bed with him! It was a mistake."

"So you just left? The guy seems to like you, wouldn't have asked you to stay if he didn't. Did you even hear him out?"

"I guess not. Look Ryozo, it isn't a big deal. I'll never see him again."

Ryozo rolled his eyes and cleaned up his dishes. "You should talk to him at least. Because from where I'm sitting, you used him."

"Used him for what?" Shinji glared, offended that Ryozo was sticking up for Kaworu, who he didn't even know.

"I don't know, if a girl stayed with me then just called me a stranger and ran out without knowing what I feel or anything, I'd be feeling a little bit used," Ryozo kept calm, knowing that Shinji didn't respond well to being shouted at.

"I didn't use him."

"Maybe not on purpose. Call him again, maybe go on a date or something," Ryozo offered.

"No."

"Quit being so damn afraid of letting people in your life."

Shinji glared and threw what was left of his food in the trash. "I didn't run away."

Ryozo was quiet after this, he said his piece. Shinji was running again. Shinji was always running. Ryozo just threw up his hands and wandered out into the living room, leaving Shinji seething in the kitchen.

"I didn't run away. I made a mistake, I don't know him," He said to himself, walking to his bedroom and closing the door.

But Shinji was just lying to himself. He crawled under his sheets, finding himself missing the warm embrace he had woken up to this morning, the one he didn't even notice at first. But now there was the ghost of where Kaworu had been. Kaworu seemed genuine enough, what ulterior motives could he really have? Ryozo was right, he had used Kaworu. Used Kaworu for his kind heart and warm willing body. The hurt words that came from Kaworu as he left echoed in his ears. Kaworu wanted him to stay, even after all those things he had said. What would be so bad about letting someone in his heart? He could get hurt . . . . he was already hurting with being alone. Kaworu wanted to be with him.

Shinji sighed and walked out of his room. Ryozo was cleaning up the kitchen and didn't look up when Shinji stood at the counter.

"Okay, if we pretend you're right, what do I do to make it up to him?" Shinji asked, not ready to admit that he had made a mistake, at least out loud.

"You can start off by not pretending that I'm right. You fucked up, get over that," Ryozo said and tossed the sponge into the sink.

"Hey! I don't need a fight with you, Ryozo. Just help me out, okay?" Shinji asked, feeling frustration start to swell inside him.

"You need to handle this on your own. You gotta grow up and face it. You made the problem, you fix it," Ryozo said and pulled out his laptop, sitting down to start writing.

"What the hell is your problem! I'm just asking for you help and you're ripping my ass!" Shinji snarled. "Some best friend you are."

Ryozo ignored Shinji and just started typing the story he had to turn in later that day.

"Don't ignore me!" Shinji shouted suddenly, standing in front of Ryozo.

Ryozo put the laptop aside and stood up, staring the other man down.

"Grow up Shinji. Go act like a man and fix your mistake. What happened is none of my business and I'd rather have nothing to do with it," Ryozo's voice was hard and cold.

Shinji's face contorted with hurt, feeling left alone. He sudden leaned forward, pulling Ryozo close to him, hot bitter tears running down his cheeks.

"What's happening to me, Ryozo?" He asked, his voice muffled from Ryozo's shirt.

The other man sighed and patted his back reassuringly. "I dunno kiddo."

Shinji stood there, Ryozo's warm hand rubbing his back slowly. He felt safe and protected at that moment, nothing could hurt him right now. A strange thought of his father came to his mind as he stood in his roommate's arms. He never had this affection when he was younger, his father would have never even thought of holding and comforting his son. . . and yet Ryozo and Kaworu did it freely and without question. He was afraid that it wasn't real . . . he pushed them away because he was afraid of being hurt. . . he hadn't changed since he was 14 years old. He didn't reject Kaworu because he was a stranger, he did it because he was scared to death that Kaworu would reject him first. And all Kaworu seemed to want was him. He took a deep breath and allowed himself to be held, not pushing away, but embracing the protection and warmth that he now felt. He then looked up at Ryozo and heaved a heavy sigh.

"I'm going to call him . . ." Shinji said.

"Best damn idea you've had all day," Ryozo said with a smile. Shinji returned the smile and stepped slowly out of Ryozo's arms. He glanced over his shoulder as he made his way to the phone.

"Thanks . . . by the way. I needed that," Shinji said and stood at the phone.

"You didn't get his phone number, did you?" Ryozo asked after a few minutes.

"Nope."

"Could go back to his place," Ryozo suggested. Shinji nodded and grabbed his jacket and apartment key and headed out the door.

Author's Note: I am not dead, this story is not even close to being finished, I just work 40 hours and/or attend school (depending on the time of year). I don't have a lot of time to work on this, but I'm trying to get something out, even if they're tiny little chapters. Chapter 12 is already in the works, so maybe it won't take so long. Thanks for bearing with me!