Desperate, broken sobs wracked Kaworu's body. His face was buried into his hands, sharp sand stabbed his forehead as he lay crumbled on the seashore. It was a mistake to have come back here, he had been an idiot to think that he could make his way back into Shinji's heart. He bitterly thought of how human's all too frequently made decisions with their minds, Shinji being no exception. Angels were emotional creatures, their hearts and emotions dictating their every move. Kaworu's entire body ached with his inability to win Shinji , in addition to that all, how quickly Shinji pushed him away.

His eyes burned as he looked up finally, looking out into the endless horizon. Tears continued to stream down his face, but he calmed himself slowly, but nothing could take away the pain Shinji had caused him except time. His entire reason for returning to be a useless, meaningless human was a man who cared nothing for him, viewed him as nothing more than a stranger. How could Shinji know what Kaworu had done for the sole reason of being near Shinji, to touch him, to feel him, to love him. He would never know. Kaworu didn't require gratitude or recognition for what he did. He just . . . wanted justification that he hadn't acted in vain. Kaworu continued to stare out into the ocean and slowly pulled his clothes off. He waded out slowly into the water, the surf brushing gently against his ankles and finally the cool water rested at his waist. The ocean moved soothingly against him, though he shivered against cold.

You are good to me Father. Even now, I can take comfort in your soft embrace of the ocean. I'm sorry, Father. I'm sorry for defying you, Kaworu lowered his face as more tears came from his eyes. I think I made a mistake. I only wish I could return to the warmth and safety of your home Father. Even as a prisoner, I never hurt as badly as this. Help me Father, please, Kaworu whispered aloud, his voice quivering in both reverence for his Father and the harsh tears he had cried.

He inhaled deeply, wiping the tears desperately from his eyes. He couldn't cry anymore. Regardless of what had happened, how Shinji felt, he was still forced to live a lifetime as a human here on Earth. The entire time he had spent here so far had been dedicated to finding and being with Shinji and Kaworu came to the realization that he had done nothing for his own benefit, except worked to merely keep himself alive. He was still driven by a strong force of free will, yet he was still living under another man's will. With this thought, he steeled himself and looked resolutely up to the heavens.

Father, I refused to live under your will . . . and I refuse to live under Shinji's! He shouted to the skies and a sense of self strength empowered Kaworu.

He had been Tabris, the angel of free will. He needed no one but himself. If Shinji wished to be a part of his life, than so be it, but no longer would Kaworu fight to win the man's heart. He had to live for himself, as lonely as the thought was, it was one that would save him quite a bit of heart break and pain. He pushed his shoulders back and stood strong, still waist deep in the water that had bore him at one time and that now gave birth to him again, this time as an independent human man, who needed not a single soul, except himself.

Shinji found himself running back to the apartment that he had so desperately wanted to leave this morning. His heart was pounding when he stood at the door.

He shouted, banging his fist hard against the door. Kaworu, it's me! Let me in, please, I'm sorry, Shinji shouted and when he realized the other man wasn't there, he shoved his hands roughly though his brown hair and gripped it, racking his brain.

The ocean . . .

Shinji was off running again, though for once he wasn't running from his problems, but running straight towards it. This terrified him, but yet he continued, heading head on into a problem he had created himself.

He made it to the seashore, at first having to bend over, his hands on his knees as he panted to catch his breath. He looked up into the water and saw a vision of an angel. Not the kind he had fought, but the ones he heard stories about. Beautiful celestial beings that were the children of God. Sunlight cast a soft glow around the angel's head and Shinji swore he saw a glimpse of wings. He stood in shock, completely mesmerized by the perfect creature in the water.

He blinked a few times and his vision cleared. His exquisite angel was actually Kaworu, standing waist deep in the water. Shinji took off again, running into the water, causing the other man to turn around sharply, scarlet eyes wide in surprise.

Shinji! What are you doing here? Kaworu asked, confused.

I've come after you. Shinji explained, still desperately trying to catch his breath.

I'm nothing more than a stranger to you . . . Red eyes went cold suddenly as the surprise faded and his new resolution rang clear in his mind.

. . . . . Shinji couldn't form the words and stood dumbly in front of the pale man, who seemed to have lost all patience with him.

Kaworu brushed past Shinji and strode out of the water, pulling his clothes back on over his wet body. He began to walk off in the other direction.

Shinji followed him, slowed by his now sodden clothes.

I want you too, Shinji said, holding his trousers up with one hand as the water had weighed them down.

Then I shall return the favor you gave me earlier, Kaworu turned without another word and walked in the other direction.

Shinji stood in the sand, shocked. Kaworu had so far been nothing but extremely kind and seemed to bend over backwards to be near Shinji. That much was clear with how badly Kaworu had wanted him to stay this morning. Shinji let out a shout of frustration as he watched the retreating form. He paced for a minute and then decided to just go home. Today was not going to be the day he was going to make any amends with Kaworu Nagisa. Ryozo had been right, he screwed up badly and he made the decision to take it in stride, give the other man his space.

Shinji asked when he got back to the apartment.

Ryozo peeked his head out of the bathroom, his hands covered in rubber gloves and holding a bottle of cleaner. He looked his roommate over and then arched an eyebrow. What the hell happened to you?I found Kaworu, Shinji explained.

Was he hiding in the ocean or somethin'?Well, yeah. He was, he said.

Ah. How'd it go?He walked away from me, Shinji looked down, the rejection stinging at him.

A smirk spread across Ryozo's lips. Good man. How'd it feel to watch his back, like he watched yours this morning?I'm not in the mood for an irony lesson, Shinji snapped.

Ryozo shrugged and went back into the bathroom to continue cleaning. Something else on your mind?Yeah. How do I get him back?Why do you want him back?

Shinji was quite as he thought over an answer for this. He sat on the toilet and watched as Ryozo leaned over their bath, scrubbing away at the tile. It was interesting Ryozo didn't even seem to care that the person Shinji was trying to be with was a man . . . hadn't even brought the case into question. While that wasn't what he was supposed to be thinking about, discussing this openly with Ryozo had caused the thought to pop in his head.

You don't even care that Kaworu is a man? Shinji asked, tilting his head.

What does that have to do with anything? he looked up from the tub.

I was just thinking and I remembered you hadn't said anything about it, Shinji shrugged.

You don't say anything when I go out. . . why should I bug you? Ryozo said and brushed stray hair out of black eyes with the back of his hand. Now, answer my first question, why do you want him back?I honestly don't know . . .he liked me, that's a nice feeling.Brilliant, Shinji.I don't know why I want him back! I liked being around him, it felt so natural and good to be with him, Shinji attempted an explanation.

Good enough. Have you apologized yet?I don't think so.Damn kid. Hmm. Well, you could maybe ask him out, try to show that you want to be with him, Ryozo shrugged.

But, what if he says no? Shinji asked, fear creeping into his voice.

Than he says no and you move on with your life. . . or keep trying.If he says no, then he doesn't like me. I don't want to bother him all the time, the young man sounded extremely nervous about disturbing Kaworu at all.

Ugh, he clearly likes you plenty. You just hurt him, he needs to know you want him, ya know? the journalist rubbed his forehead and sighed.

I guess so.Give him a day or so to let today blow over. Then call him, Ryozo said and took the gloves off, tossing them in the trash.

But what if he . . Shut up, Shinji.

Shinji's mouth gaped open.

Stop worrying about it. If you want him as badly as you think you do, then none of that is going to matter. You're going to do everything you can to win him back, right? If he tells ya no a couple times, try harder, Ryozo said and walked out of the bathroom.

Shinji followed quietly, nodding. This is why he avoided relationships in the first place, they were so fucking complicated and required so much work. He was scared to death to pick up the phone and call Kaworu after what had happened at the seashore. Running to meet up with him had about sucked up his quota of bravery for the next couple months and he wasn't sure if he was prepared to try and pressure this. Ryozo made it sound so easy, but his stomach twisted into knots at even the thought of contacting Kaworu again. Shinji could feel his blood pressure rise as he thought about even running into the other man around town. He had landed himself in a huge mess and from where he sitting, it was much easier to just ignore that Kaworu existed and go back this lonely, albeit easy life.

Every since that man had stepped into his bar and batted an eyelash, Shinji's world had been flipped upside down and turned inside out. He was scared, nervous, anxious about the whole damn thing and just willed the whole situation away. He resolved to let it rest for a few days, letting himself gain the confidence and the will to try and fix this again . . . and pray desperately for the easy path.