Author's Note: clears off the cobwebs. I'm baaack! If only for the time being. Damn, two years and no update, my bad. The tone of this chapter is changing, hopefully for the best. We'll see when I update again, hopefully it won't be another two years. Don't mind me as I get back into the groove of this.

Kaworu jumped and tossed his book aside when his phone began ringing in his pocket. He composed himself and dug his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and flipped it open.

"Hey Kaworu! Interested in going and getting some lunch with me?" came the voice on the other line. It belonged to one of his coworkers, Souta.

Souta had started chatting with him during their breaks at the market and they had gradually become friends. Kaworu was surprised at first, as most of his coworkers assumed him to be mentally handicapped in some way and he found his converstions with Souta had greatly improved this image, as he became more out going.

"Yeah, actually. That would be great," Kaworu said as his stomach growled. "Let me get changed, I'll swing by your place."

"Perfect! I know a place I've been wanting to try."

Kaworu hung up the phone and slipped on a sweater and his knitted cap, it was late fall and the weather was getting colder quicker than he could get clothes to bundle up in. He slipped his wallet into his back pocket and with a casual glance in the mirror, he was on his way.

Souta was already waiting outside of his apartment when Kaworu turned on to his street. Souta greeted him with a grin.

"A friend of mine keeps telling me this place is pretty good for the money. And we both know that damn market doesn't pay enough," Souta chuckled and started walking towards the restaurant.

"I know! I've been there for what, 5 months now. When they hired me, they said something about a review after three months to consider a raise. Nothing!" Kaworu laughed. His pay was on the low side and he rather hated the job, but people like Souta made it worth while.

They talked about work, general complaints and gossip dominated the conversation and Kaworu didn't even notice when they walked through the door and were seated at the bar. It was fairly slow, so the bartender came up to take the orders and Kaworu couldn't help the jump in his stomach when he saw who would be waiting on them.

Shinji stared in shock as Kaworu walked into his restaurant, he hadn't seen the man in months. it jarred him to see Kaworu there, but he brushed it aside for the time being for the sake of professionalism.

"Good afternoon gentlemen. What can I get for you?" Shinji asked, his voice neutral, but polite.

Kaworu couldn't help but stare for a moment, but then shook it off and looked up at Shinji. There was no sense in holding a grudge, and Shinji seemed to be making an effort to avoid an awkward situation.

"Just a coke for me please."

"Me too," Souta seconded and glanced back at the menu.

Shinji quickly poured the drink and set them in front of the two men with an amicable smile.

"Just let me know if you need anything at all. I'll take your food orders whenever you're ready," Shinji turned back to his cleaning behind the bar, his heart pounding uncontrollably.

Kaworu returned to his conversation with Souta, his eyes glancing every once in a while at Shinji. Shinji was cleaning a hole into the counter, trying to get rid of an invisible stain. He felt bad for Shinji, he knew his being here was throwing Shinji's world off its axis. He grinned a bit to himself, it was good for Shinji to be knocked out of his element.

After looking at the menu for a few moments, Kawrou caught Shinji's attention and ordered his food, then returned to his conversation. Shinji then disappeared, presumably to send the order to the kitchen, but Kaworu noticed he took a longer time than usual to return to his post at the bar.

Shinji watched Kaworu from the corner of his eye, it was killing him. Kaworu seemed so . . . . happy, it simply wasn't fair. Kaworu had moved on, he could tell by the easy way he smiled to his friend, the casual manner that he acknowledged Shinji. How could Kaworu make it look so damn simple?!

Shinji continued to fill their drinks and delivered their food, a million words nearly tumbling out of his mouth every time Kaworu looked his way. He bit his tongue hard.

Kaworu and Souta sat and talked for a good half hour after they finished their food, Shinji catching bits and pieces of conversation. There was a whole new world that Kaworu was involved in and Shinji didn't play a single role in it. Shinji usually enjoyed his casual eavesdropping on his customers, enjoying the momentaiy involvement in strangers everyday lives. But listening to Kaworu talk about people and situations he had no clue was oddly painful. When he had met Kaworu, he was the only person Kaworu knew and wanted to be with. But now, he was a vague memory in Kaworu's mind, meanwhile Kaworu occupied his thoughts and day dreams daily.

Shinji watched as Kaworu's friend stood up and left his half of the bill on the counter.

"Well, if you want to hang out here for a while, you have a good time. I gotta get going to work," Souta said.

"See you later then," Kaworu smiled and wove good bye to his friend, taking a drink of his soda.

He then looked over at Shinji, as his friend left.

"How are you doing?" Kaworu said easily, a polite smile on his face.

What an unfairly loaded question, Shinji thought.

"I'm good. Not up to much, just . . . working" Shinji replied and found his fingers searching for his cleaning cloth to occpy his shaking hands.

Kaworu laughed, "I'm with you there, I feel that's all I do these days."

"Hey, so long as the bills are paid, right?" Shinji said with a forced laugh.

They were quite for a few minutes, Shinji tending his invisible stain, Kaworu nursing his drink. Words were hanging on Shinji's tounge and he was dying to say them. He battled with his mind, which was telling him to shut up and just do his job. But his tongue won the battle and when he opened his mouth again, the words came tumbling out.

"Kaworu . . . we ended on some really bad terms. Maybe, we can get together sometime and clear the air?" Shinji shrugged with the statement, trying to hide the fact that those "bad terms" had been eating him alive for the past months.

Kaworu took a sip of his soda and chewed it thoughtully for a moment.

"Sure. Yeah, that may be nice, actually," Kaworu said with a shrug.

Shinji's heart was pounding audibly.

"Uh, great. Well. .. um, if you want to just call me sometime, here's my number" Shinji scribbled his number down on a scrap piece of receipt paper.

Kaworu took the piece of paper and slipped it into his pocket without even glancing at it.

"I will. It was good seeing you Shinji."

With that, Kaworu stood up and left his money on the counter and strolled out the door, looking not the slightest bit affected at all.

Shinji had the sudden need for a cigarette break.

Predicatably, Ryozo was working on his laptop when Shinji came through the door after work. Shinji had managed to get control of his emotions after Kaworu had left, but now in the safety and comfort of his own home, he felt the need to vent it out.

"Hey, did you get my message from eariler?" Shinji asked Ryozo.

"Yeah, I did. Sorry, I was busy when you called," Ryozo saved his document automatically and set the computer aside.

"It's okay, I was actually still at work, I didn't have long to talk anyway," Shinji sad next to his roommate.

"So what happened? You sounded kind of frantic when you called."

"I saw Kaworu today . . . he came into the bar today."

Ryozo's eyes widened a little bit and thought on this for a moment.

"I bet that was awkward," Ryozo said with a raised eyebrow.

"It was. For me anyway, he didn't seem the slightest bit affected."

"Well, how long has it been? 7 months? You can't expect everyone to dwell on things they way you do," Ryozo tucked his legs under his body and turned to see Shinji better.

Shinji was quiet.

"I just want him to miss me," Shinji said sheepishly.

"I bet he does," Ryozo smiled and patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"Ryozo?" Shinji's voice was quiet, scared.

"Hm?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Ryozo was a bit taken back, it had been ages since that had happened, he was a little surprised that Shinji was bringing it back up.

"Lots of reasons I guess. I do care about you, you were just . . . hurting so badly that it was the only thing I could think to do," Ryozo tried to explain his actions.

"Would you ever want to date me?" Shinji was barely audible.

A warm smile crept over Ryozo's face.

"No."

Shinji looked as though he had been struck.

"I told you then. You won't ever be able to give your heart to me. And we're best friends, brothers. What happened that night, happened. I don't regret it for a second, but I learned then that you and I just wouldn't work. And I know you think about Kaworu all the time, I don't want to be involved with that. None of my business," Ryozo said.

"I did give him my phone number," Shinji said, returning the conversation back to the orginal topic.

"That's impressive. Maybe you'll get out of this apartment and do something with yourself, rather than sit around here, moping, dreaming of what could have been."

"How's that any different than what you do every day," a playful grin on Shinji's face.

"I don't mope, that's what's different," Ryozo laughed.

"I am sick of hurting. You should have seen him Ryozo, he as so . . . carefree. He looked really happy."

"I know you are kid. I know," Ryozo squeezed his shoulder.

Shinji looked at him gratefully, then flipped on the television, losing himself in his thoughts.