Chapter 13 - There's Something Wrong With Me

Even though Chance had a new room at Muir Island, he had been spending a lot of nights with Krissy. It was just… easier to have someone around, and beyond that, he had been enjoying the privacy with her.

None of the teachers had gotten onto them yet more than to tell them to keep it clean. Chance had a feeling that Moira was still upset that Sinister had managed to break into her school - and Betsy knew that they weren't fooling around.

At least… they hadn't been.

Chance was still lying back and staring up at the ceiling, even though he'd been awake for a while now. He was pretty sure Krissy was still asleep, her hair splayed out behind her and her shoulders bare, the covers had been kicked down to their waists at some point during the night.

She was gorgeous. She really was. She was soft and she was warm and she was funny and she was smart and she was…

...not right.

He felt horrible, because he didn't want to be that guy, the one who bailed as soon as he got what he wanted. And it had been amazing, getting tangled up with Krissy and just having fun and giggling and failing at falling asleep in a rush of excitement and finally drifting off after it was finally too late and they couldn't help but nod off and…

Well.

Now? Now, he was lying next to a gorgeous girl convinced that there was something wrong with him, because all he could think was that this wasn't at all what he thought being in love was supposed to feel like.

And it wasn't like he didn't care about Krissy, either. He'd been thinking about that all morning, trying to figure out why something was wrong with him that he wasn't over the moon excited, completely in love with the girl next to him. She was fun. She didn't slow down, and she had a love of life that was downright intoxicating. Being with her was exhilarating.

So there had to be something wrong with him. That was the only reason he could think of that he had woken up and seen Krissy sleeping next to him and for the first time since he had started sleeping in her room - he had thought it wasn't right.

It wasn't guilt about fooling around with her, either. Though he was sure that Kurt was probably going to kill him. But that wasn't the reason he looked at Krissy and just… knew that he wasn't going to want to do this for the rest of forever, waking up with her like this. It was different. And he was sure that they both knew it - they had shifted the dynamic of the relationship, and it was one step too far for Chance.

There wasn't a doubt in Chance's mind that he loved Krissy. That much was unmistakable just watching her even now. He did. He cared about her but he just… wasn't… in love with her. No matter how he tried to reason it out, he just wasn't.

And while Chance was staring at the ceiling working things out for himself, Krissy was, in fact, awake - though she was pretending not to be.

There was a big part of her that was freaking out, feeling like she'd made a huge mistake and that she should be ashamed of herself. Her parents would kill her if they found out about this - not to mention the fact that she had just been dealing with Elin and all the fallout from Nolan.

Not that this was anything like that had been. For one thing, she and Chance had been dating. They were on the same page - they were in love!

Or… well. That was what Krissy had thought.

She had to wonder what Chance was thinking. She knew he wasn't asleep, though he wasn't pretending to be like she was. Was he waiting for her to wake up? She didn't even know what to say to him if he was.

He was going to think she was that kind of a girl. That she'd gotten what she wanted and was done with him now.

She didn't know what to do about the fact that she was feeling so miserable about the whole thing. It was worse because it was Chance, because she'd had a crush on him for such a long time. He was sweet and he was cute and she had wanted this so badly.

She couldn't help but feel like she'd been leading him on, which was really just feeding her misery. But she had been so sure that she was in love, because she worried about him whenever there was a mission or something awful like the Sinister thing, and she thought he was gorgeous and she liked the way he would give her a crooked smile right before he kissed her.

It was just that… when she thought about getting serious… for as much fun as she and Chance had just had - and it had been amazing - she wasn't exactly thinking about Chance. Not long-term, not forever. And it was one thing to have fun and date Chance and go on adventures and just be together and another thing entirely to step into something with more weight to it.

Maybe she was just being dramatic. Like she was about everything. She'd heard it often enough - that she blew things out of proportion. That she panicked. That she made a big deal out of things that didn't need to be made a big deal out of.

Yes, that had to be it. She was freaking out because - well - she was a Wagner. It wasn't like her parents hadn't fooled around and dated around before they finally found each other, right? This was just…

She shook her head and let out a sigh. Yeah, she didn't think this feeling was going to go away just by wishing it away. And she owed it to Chance to admit it, if nothing else so they could slow down and take stock of what was going on.

She finally turned to face him, pulling the covers up to her shoulders, suddenly more self-conscious than she had been before as he shifted the way he was lying down so that he was facing her, propped up on his elbow and with a thoughtful sort of look on his face. She couldn't help but wonder if he had already figured out what was going on just from watching her pretend to be asleep. She'd never really had a poker face, and she knew it.

"That was fun," she said with a little smile, first and foremost, because she didn't want him to think he'd done something wrong. He so hadn't. And it had been fun. Really, really fun.

"Yeah, it was," he agreed with a little smile of his own. "Do you … want some coffee or something?"

"Yeah," she said, biting her lip as she watched him get up and gather up the clothes on the floor. There was really no reason she should feel like this. He was really cute. He was. But this had gone from fun to serious all of a sudden, and he was too sweet to lie to.

"So, how long do you think we've got before we get read the riot act?" Chance asked as he pulled his shirt on.

"I'd be surprised if it was too long," Krissy said before she finally let out a breath, shifting so that her knees were pulled up to her chest and she had gathered up most of the blanket. "Chance… that was really fun," she said again.

"Yeah."

"But um…" She bit her lip as her tail lay still beside her, which was really giving away the fact that she wasn't exactly happy either.

Chance paused what he was doing and looked over at her with one eyebrow arched. "Yeah?"

"Maybe… we shouldn't…."

When Krissy trailed off, Chance let out a breath and sat down at the foot of the bed. "Yeah, me too," he said.

"Really?"

"Really." He twisted his hands in front of himself for a moment before he looked up at her. "Don't get me wrong, Kris. I like you. You're amazing, you really are. I just…"

"Yeah, me too."

He let out a breath and then smiled lightly up at her. "So, what do we do now?"

"How would I know?" Krissy asked, a little bit of teasing coming back into her voice. "You're the older one."

"Yeah, but you're the romantic," he pointed out.

She gave him a look for that, but when he just kept looking at her expectantly, she finally let out a breath and shook her head. "Maybe we just… go back to the way it was?"

Chance nodded slowly. "Yeah. Maybe we just… went too fast."

"Maybe."

Chance let out a breath and then gently handed her her shirt and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "You're still amazing, okay?"

"And you're still the best," she said.

Banner had finally let James back to get to work, but once he got there, it was plainly clear that there just wasn't much for him to do. He frowned to himself when he saw that all of the tasks that Banner needed to have taken care of were already done - and it wasn't even noon yet. But Banner was quietly working away like always, unbothered by James trying to come up with something to do.

It was literally all covered. And nothing new would be available for at least a few days. He had to admit there just wasn't enough to do around there for him anymore. "You're not going to need me tomorrow are you?" James asked in a decidedly down tone.

"Probably not," Banner replied. "If you want more to do, wait about a week. I should have a new shipment in then to continue the half life experiment."

James frowned but knew he had no real choice in the matter. "Let me know if it gets here sooner?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. Go have a little fun," Banner said, looking up with a pleasant smile. "You've been a lot of help."

"That sounds suspiciously like 'don't come back'," James pointed out.

Bruce took off his glasses and turned to face him fully. "James, you knew this wasn't a real long term assignment anyhow. I like the help, and the company, but it's time for you to look for other things to do."

James watched him for a long moment before he muttered out a quiet 'okay', then ignored that last bit and headed out, clearly disappointed - and downhearted enough that Bruce looked pained to see it. But James didn't wait around to hear what else he might have to say as he left. When he got back to the institute, the first person he ran into was, of course, Scott. "Why aren't you with Dr. Banner?"

"Got everything done that he needed help with," James said as he took a seat at the kitchen table and rested his chin on his crossed arms.

Scott raised an eyebrow at that. "So, are you here for a while or have you made other plans?"

"I don't have anything planned yet," James admitted. "I figured this would last a little bit longer. Nearly through what … two thirds of the school year?"

"Well, I'd love to have you on the team if you're interested, and I know Tony's been asking…"

James scrunched up his nose at that. "I don't want to do either of those things."

"You'd be great at either," Scott pointed out.

James gave him a dry look. "Biased."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what I told Elin - I don't 'just say' things about the team," Scott said, giving James a pointed look. "I've put too much work into it my whole life to treat it lightly, even for my godson."

James sighed and straightened up. "Yeah, I just don't think I've got the right mindset for that."

"Not right now," Scott said.

"Then why the hell would I try out now?"

"Because I think the problem is that you don't think you can," Scott said.

"No, I don't think I should."

Scott shook his head. "Oh, I see. So one mistake and you shouldn't touch the team. I guess it's time I turned in my retirement then."

"That's not it, and holy crap I see where Charlie gets it from," James said. "Horrible guilt trips. Stop that."

"I'm just showing you how absurd it is," Scott pointed out. "I've done much worse things than you have, James. I've brought the planet to war and broken every vow I said I'd keep. So please, go ahead and tell me you're not right for the team. I'll wait."

"Okay. I'm not."

"You are."

"That's your opinion," James said.

"My opinion as the leader of the X-Men - who has been doing this since, oh, childhood. But yes, it's just an opinion," Scott said dryly.

"I will continue to consider your opinion," James replied carefully.

"Yes, and tell your father I want him to consider what to do for your test when you take it."

"Hey. You're assuming I'm going to take it - and that he doesn't already know what he'd do for any given kid in this place."

"Oh, I know he's already got it planned," Scott said. "But he does choose a few different sims based on what you need at the moment. Which is a kick in the pants."

"I'm aware," James said with a sigh. "He does the same thing with our morning routine."

"Good. Tell him I said it's time to kick it up," he said.

"You're not subtle, and I'm not telling him that."

Scott raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh." He got to his feet. "Well, when you figure out what you want to do, you know where to find me. And if you want to continue saying you've messed up too badly for the team, you still know where to find me."

"Thanks," James said, putting his head back down on his arms.

"You're a good kid, James," Scott said as he headed out - to go find Logan and let him know the kid was just sabotaging himself even though he was done with Dr. Banner's work. "And I don't want you to end up giving up on yourself just because you want to do exactly the opposite of what I say. I've already got one of those, and I love you too much to see you do that to yourself."

"I'm not giving up," James replied.

Scott raised an eyebrow his way, smirked, and pushed open the door. "Uh-huh."

James shook his head and settled in, sure that when his father spotted him, he'd be set up to join in on the combat class at the very least. He had just set his mind to getting a cup of coffee when his phone went off with a text from Tony.

Banner said you're done playing mad scientist. Ready to come back and play crazy inventor?

James stared at the message for a long while. He hadn't even been home for an hour. It was almost like Banner was just waiting … or maybe it was because Tony had been talking to Bruce and already knew that he didn't have anything to do now. How long did Banner wait before he told you I was done?

Just now. Wasn't any kind of a conspiracy if that's what you're insinuating.

James had to laugh at that, and shook his head as he texted back. Sounds like it was.

There was a little pause before instead of a text, the phone rang. "So okay, I might have asked him to let me know when you were done with the whole … radiation … thing. And maybe I'm doing my very best to keep from throwing out a couple of mutation jokes. You know. From the radiation."

James was smiling in spite of himself. "I'm really not sure that I'm up to-"

"Hear me out. Just … take a few days. Think about it. I'll email you my offer - benefits package … all of that goes along with your fellowship."

"I …" James thought about it for a minute and just nodded his head. "Alright. I'll keep an eye open."

The glee coming from Tony was nearly infectious as he ranted for a moment, saying at least half a dozen times that he was excited before James finally got him to hang up. He set the phone down and walked over to the kitchen to get the coffee when the phone chimed with an email. "Yeah, Tony. Not anxious at all, are you?" James muttered to himself as he mixed up his mug. He sat back down at the table just as classes were getting out and opened the email. Tony had of course, jumped right to the heart of matters and James was still staring at his phone when Kari came into the kitchen, clearly ready to head down to combat.

"Oooh, I wasn't expecting you to be here," she called out before teleporting over to the chair next to him. "Are you going to combat?"

"Um … yeah. Probably," James said, slowly getting to his feet. "I can hit coffee later, I guess." He shoved his phone into his back pocket and headed toward the door, stopped a few steps later, turned around and grabbed his mug. "Right. What sims are you guys running?"

"Probably … something to do with soldiers," she said, falling into step with him, frowning at the fact that he clearly was off his game - full cup of untouched coffee considered.

"Good," James said, letting out all of his breath with the word. "I can use something like that, I think."

The combat class went a lot faster than usual - or at least it felt that way. James jumped in with the rest of the class, and dove in though it was clear that he wasn't really thinking about it when he'd take his turn, and when class was over, she very nearly asked him what was bothering him - when he beat her to the punch. "I think I need a non-adult opinion," James said out of the blue.

"Okay, shoot," Kari said, nodding along.

But, instead of explaining, James opened up the email and handed his phone to Kari.

Kari raised both eyebrows and then read over the offer - which really sounded more like something that Tony might offer an adult. His own space and an assistant and transportation along with a laundry list of perks… all to be renegotiated when he turned 18. Kari looked up at James and burst into a smile. "Well, it's nice to see someone appreciates your talents," she teased.

"I think he's crazy," James said. "He's got people there that have been with the company for a long time that don't get half that much."

"So?" Kari asked with one eyebrow raised. "What's age got to do with anything? Or seniority? You and I both know adults can be idiots."

He tipped his head to the side. "Yeah. I don't know what to tell him. It's a great offer, but I think I need to stick with the family when they go to Japan."

"So tell him you'll take it on your terms," Kari said. "If he's willing to offer you this much, I bet he'll let you take a summer vacation. I mean, you're fourteen. It's not like that's unheard of. Summer fun. Bet he even remembers what that's like," she teased.

"He is still like that," James pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," Kari said, then grinned over at James. "I just think you should put it on your terms."

"I should have Mom look this over at minimum. She likes playing mind games with him … I just don't know … what to even say about this. It's way over starting salary. I know it is."

"I know the money is generous, but it's not all about money, right? Make him meet you somewhere so it doesn't feel like you're just… letting him dictate everything, you know? Like - you want to take a summer. And you want every fifth Tuesday with a full moon off for gallivanting or something."

"Galavanting. Sounds serious." James gave her a little smile and took the phone back to start drafting up his response.

"Oh very," she agreed, grinning and nodding along.

"What kind of galavanting am I supposed to be doing on said fifth Tuesday with a full moon?"

"I'm pretty sure it's something to do with hunting and fresh air and I dunno. Were-hunting maybe."

"Right, right. Of course," he said, nodding. "I think … I'm going to add to this fifth Tuesday full moon addendum that I don't want any pressure on joining the team, too." He looked up at her. "Keep it fair. Not listening to Scott. Not gonna listen to Stark either."

"I think that's a good idea," Kari said with a smile. "And - you don't have to join either, you know. I'm not going to."

"I just … kinda want a little space from all of it," James admitted. "It's been nonstop with one crazy creep after another - I already know I have a target on my back. Don't have the desire to make it bigger right now."

"I can understand that," Kari said, nodding along. "Cody was saying more or less the same thing, but going the opposite way? Like - if he's going to have a target, he might as well be in good company."

"He's got anger issues," James pointed out.

"You don't say."

"Anyhow. Thanks for the input," he said with a quiet kind of a smirk.

"That's what friends are for," she said before she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "And in exchange, I expect gorgeous pictures from Japan that I can paint. I'm working on a new technique."

"Yeah? I've been playing with macro shots. I have some from the lab that are kinda … glowy."

She grinned even wider. "Can I see? Please?"

"Of course," he agreed, gesturing toward the stairs. "On the laptop. As always."

She grinned at him. "You spoil me," she said before she disappeared in a poof of pink.