Jennifer Mapplethorpe had always been quite proud of her body. She knew she kept trim and fit. She had curves where they were supposed to be. Her stomach had remained flat through most all of her life, even after giving birth to twins. And her breasts, which had always been perhaps a bit too small though not small enough to bother her, had gotten slightly larger and better proportioned after the babies. Jen knew she looked good and was very pleased with being small and slim.
Until now. Right now, she was sitting in a chair in a hospital room and felt completely dwarfed by what she was attempting. Ella was resting on one of Jen's legs with her head on her mum's shoulder and Jen kept one arm around her. She was dozing, keeping her eyes closed, but Jen knew she wasn't asleep. Cody was trying to sit the same way on Jen's other leg, but his cast kept getting in the way of him snuggling up to her too much. And both Ella and Cody were just a bit too big for this now, their legs getting tangled up uncomfortably as they both tried to sit on their mother's lap. And all Jen wanted to do was hold them both in her arms like she'd done every day of their lives. But it wasn't quite working. Jen felt far too small to support and protect them like she needed to. Particularly now. Because now, she was all by herself with her children.
And that was how Bernice found them. She blustered into the deathly quiet room and immediately stopped, staring at the distraught little family. Jen nearly started crying again to see her friend looking so worried.
But Bernice did not say a single word. She just walked right over to Jen and the children and wrapped her arms around all three of them. Bernice had such a warm, motherly presence about her. She was soft and strong and brilliant, all of which made her incredible at her job and the most valuable friend Jennifer could ever imagine. Bernice pressed a kiss on each of their foreheads in turn before pulling back.
"Ella, Cody, let's go out for a little while, okay?" she offered gently.
Both children were very somber and did not protest the suggestion. Ella grumbled sleepily. She still had not spoken a single word since she's been screaming and crying on the altar of the church. But Jen was not concerned that having her go with Bernice would worsen the issue. Ella slumped off of Jen's lap and shuffled over to hold Auntie Bernice's hand. Her eyelids were heavy, but at least she was awake now. Cody came over with slightly more energy and held Bernice's other hand with his uninjured one.
"I'm gonna take you home so you can change your clothes and we can get something to eat, and we'll bring something back for Mummy," Bernice stated. "And I saw your Auntie Kim in the hall. She has your mum's bag in her car, so we'll stop by there and get SamBun, alright Ella?"
Ella just nodded.
"Auntie Bernice, can we get ice cream?" Cody asked.
"If you eat all your vegetables at supper, we can get ice cream on the way back here," Bernice said. She then turned back to Jen. "I'll pack a bag for you, love. Comfortable, clean clothes. Toothbrush. Glasses. Anything else I should get?"
"No," Jen croaked, her voice heavy with emotion and disuse. "I can't think of anything."
Bernice nodded, understanding that she would know better than Jen right now what all she and the children would need. And with that, she took the twins out of the room with her.
Jen felt like her heart was being ripped in pieces. Part of her was bereft from the absence of her children. Holding them in her arms, however awkward and uncomfortable it was physically, was a balm on her soul. So long as she had them, she was alright. But she couldn't think straight with them here, worrying about how they were faring. Being alone, Jen could actually think about herself. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling able to do so for the first time in hours.
She stood up and stretched her arms and legs and back. That chair was not comfortable, though she would likely be sitting in it for a long time. She moved to stand at the end of a hospital bed, staring at Nick with about a million tubes coming out of him. The steady beep of the machines told her that his heart was still beating, but that was the only thing that gave any indication that he was alive. Everything about this situation felt so familiar and yet so horrifyingly foreign. And there was nothing Jennifer could do but stand there and watch her husband.
He'd come out of surgery a while ago—how long ago, Jen wasn't sure, as time had seemed to lose its meaning—and the doctors let the family come see him. Eloise had taken one look at her son and immediately turned and walked out. It was too much for her to see him that way. Her own husband, Charles, had died in this very hospital when Nick and his sisters were young. Charles had died of cancer, Jen knew, but he had probably looked very similar to how Nick did now. Jen did not begrudge Eloise's inability to face Nick lying in that bed. Jen herself could barely do it. She needed to be near him, and she needed to know he was still alive and to make sure their children could be near their father. The three of them had huddled in the chair at Nick's bedside ever since.
Danielle had come in to see them at one point, giving an update on Duncan. "Hope and Mum are there with him. Doctors said his surgery took longer because there was more to repair in his bowel from the bullets, but they're pretty confident he's going to be okay."
Jen nodded but did not say anything. The doctors had not been so optimistic when they'd spoken to her about Nick. Nick had been shot three times in the back. One of his lungs had been turned to swiss cheese. His liver and one of his kidneys had been damaged. One of the bullets grazed his spine and done some damage there, too. There was no way of knowing how long he would remain stable, and there was a high chance of infection and internal bleeding. And that was assuming his heart did not just give out from the trauma his body had been put through.
This wasn't like before. Before, after Dane Majors, Nick had been barely alive, but he'd been awake. He had been nearly starved and suffering severe dehydration. His internal organs then had been beaten and abused but at no point did Jen worry if he'd survive. She had sat by his bedside in a hospital across town and thanked whatever higher power that he was going to be alright. She'd nearly lost him in almost every way imaginable back then—their romantic relationship had been severed, their professional relationship was in jeopardy, their friendly relationship had been stumbling along, and Nick's very life had been in danger. But she'd gotten him back. She'd sworn that she would make things right between them. And she had. Within weeks of Nick in that hospital, his career had been salvaged, they'd saved Homicide, and Jen had fully and without reservation committed her whole heart to him. They were married less than a year later.
And now, eight years into their marriage, they were threatened once again. Nick did not look battered but sleeping peacefully. There was nothing peaceful about him now. His face, that kind, handsome face of his, was unmarred by injury. But his mouth was taped with tubes to keep him breathing. His big, strong, muscular arms were riddled with lines pumping him with intravenous medications and the like. And though his gorgeous chest was covered by a hospital gown, Jen knew that it was wrapped up with so many bandages that she probably couldn't have seen a single inch of his skin.
Seeing him like this, Jen could not reconcile this man with the one whose naked body she had stretched herself on top of countless times over the nearly two decades they'd known each other. She could hardly believe that it was only that very morning that they had stood together in the shower and shagged quick and hard and beautifully. Would she ever make love to her husband again? Would he ever stand? Would he even ever wake up?
Even as she pondered those horrifying questions, alarm bells went off on the machines. Jen was in shock and could not utter a single sound. Doctors and nurses raced into the room, forcing Jen to press her back against the wall to keep out of their way. A cart was wheeled in and paddles taken off and charged. People were shouting. And then there was silence.