God Rising: The Cult of Ainz
Written by: AtheistBasementDragon
Edited by: The Usual Gang of Drunken Perverted Idiots
Chapter 165: Bombing at the Comedy Club
...Palace of the Elf King...Elf Queen...
Zesshi spent a great deal of time elaborating on everything that had happened, not the least of which 'who' she was, as few in the Elf Kingdom knew the story of her making or how the war had come to be. The crowd of elven royals stared at the face of their oppressor and marveled that the nightmare was finally over, within the first hour, their oaths of fealty had been given, by the second, they were confirming her as Queen, by the third, the whole city was in an uproar of celebration the likes of which their kingdom had never known in all its long history.
When the head 'crumbled' into motes of light that vanished into the air, at first, there had been terrible fear. "Is he... reviving? Can he not be killed?" The questions were passed around, and 'Queen' Zesshi was quick to calm them.
"I would surmise that it is My Lord who is responsible for this." She said as she sat comfortably on the throne. She drummed her fingers on the armrest as her chief aids stood by. More than a few glances turned to the openly non-elven aides, but their imposing demeanor and trusted position to the left and right of the throne left no doubt about their position in the mind of their savior.
Questions were running through their minds, all had 'heard' of the mysterious undead, most even had a favorable view of him as it was his acolyte that was rampaging across the human kingdoms and slaying slavers and arming their kin to strike down every human who got in her way. But he was still undead.
That anxiety did not dissipate when the gate opened, and the Sorcerer King stepped through behind the throne, with a human maid accompanying him. An aura of command seemed to come from him that made it impossible to be unaware of his presence.
He stepped from around the throne and moved in front of Zesshi Zetsumei. "Have they declared you their Queen?" He asked.
She stood from her throne and knelt before her lord. Her head bowed in deference to the savior of her family, she replied solemnly, "There can be no doubt."
"Have you given your oath to them, then?" He asked.
She shook her head, "A royal giving an oath to their subjects?" She asked with surprise.
"A King who has no faith with his people can expect none to be given in turn, I am not a woman... but I should think it would be the same for Queens." He said thoughtfully, while he wondered why nobody got that he was joking. 'Does nobody in this world get JOKES?' he wondered with some small annoyance.
"I-I see." Zesshi replied, and Ainz stood aside so that she could be seen by all. "As Queen over the elves, I promise you that so long as I rule, you will be given justice and dignity, that I will not allow you to suffer a danger that I will not shoulder myself, and that I will not have a full belly while you go hungry." She improvised as best she could, and frankly thought she sounded a bit silly, but she was clearly sincere, and that counted for far more.
"Long Live the Queen!" They shouted in unison, many of them struggled to force the words out, so great was their joy at the death of the former king, more than a few wept openly, some embraced those nearest them, and the cheers outside within the city became so loud they could be heard in the throne room itself..
"Now, Zesshi Zetsumei, make your oath to me. Before all your loyal subjects, I assume you have explained matters to them?" Ainz inquired patiently.
Zesshi nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely, of course all they needed was 'we're burning Kami Miyako to the ground' and they were ready to stop talking and start giving oaths." Zesshi laughed, and some savage laughter joined hers from the body of elven nobles.
"I see. Well then, proceed." He replied dryly.
"I, Queen Zesshi Zetsumei of the Elven Kingdom, swear my kingdom as a province of the Sorcerous Kingdom, my people will be your people, your law our law, we shall have the same enemies and the same future, until the end of all things." She made her promise with a depth of integrity and feeling in her voice that he could not have missed.
"I accept your oath, and in turn promise to keep faith with my followers as they do with me." Ainz replied in kind, "Arise, Queen of the Elves, and servant of the Sorcerous Empire."
Zesshi stood at his command, then looked behind her at her throne. "I guess I'll have to get used to that spot, won't I? Seems strange, how long did it take you, Your Majesty?" She asked curiously.
"I'll let you know, once it happens." Ainz tried again to make a joke, but again nobody laughed.
Through many a mind there ran variations on one sentence, 'He's so wise, to know that comfort on the throne corrupts, and that it is an unending vocation of constant development... we're lucky at last, to have so sage an eternal ruler...'
"Ahem, well regardless, onto current matters," Ainz began, covering for the moment of silence, "your three surviving scripture comrades will be considered your responsibility, as they rendered aid to you, I will grant a one time amnesty for any past activities, so long as they choose to remain in your service under your orders, and... agree to one other thing, which I will have them briefed about later, and yourself as well. You may all be of great help." He reflected, then continued, "But for now, you have an army to retrieve, two of them, in fact. It will take some time to return all the hostages, so enjoy a day or two of rest. Once the hostages are returned so that no elven hostiles remain and word has spread to everywhere of the new Queen, then your armies can be combined, and you can march with Chindai, and Leinas towards C'teon... with one 'brief' interruption."
"On a related matter however, I should point out that you will have a very easy time rebuilding your capital, and your civilization as a whole, and not only because of the undead labor I will provide you to do so." Ainz said, raising one boney finger up and drawing all eyes to him. "I unlocked the hidden treasury of your father, there is a wealth of golden coins there fit to fund the rebuilding of your nation two or three times over even if you hired the most expensive laborers and artisans, and they overcharged you for their time and materials. Collect it at your convenience."
They all looked at him, unable to move, and Zesshi finally stammered out something akin to a response. "I would be... truly overjoyed, to do all that you say, My Lord." Zesshi said as she reseated herself on the throne of her father. "May I ask though, My Lord, his head and... I assume, the rest of his body, all disappeared..."
Ainz laughed savagely, "Oh that, yes. I had him revived... then I cut off his arms and legs and sent him to be skinned alive forever, I look forward to seeing what kind of scrolls we can make from his skin... 'all' of his skin." Ainz said pointedly.
For the briefest of seconds, outrage stirred in countless breasts... until the moment he got to the words 'cut off' and then many an elf went from pale to... a distinct shade of green, many grabbing their crotches in brief sympathy. Others of clearer mind wondered who would want a scroll made from skin drawn from 'there' while others had looks of delighted satisfaction on their faces.
"I see, well... it couldn't happen to a nicer guy." Zesshi said sweetly, and the entire throne room began to erupt in joyful laughter.
...Fortress Cross...
"Not that many prisoners." Zanac said as they walked away from the ruins and back to their horses.
"Not that many problems then." Nimble replied indifferently.
"I can't argue with that." The King replied as Gargantua began to move.
"Be that as it may," Zaryusu interjected, "the real question is... what problems lie ahead?"
"None, none at all." Shalltear said sweetly, her voice proud and arrogant, her eyes closed smugly, she placed a hand on her relatively flat chest and said, "I'll take care of the next one, I'm sure if I do, my beloved Lord Ainz will praise me, perhaps... perhaps I can be his chair again or... or maybe..." She clutched her cheeks with her hands and shook her head, "ooooh it is too wonderful to even think about it!" Her entire body began to undergo very small tremors from atop her horse, and as she squirmed they tried very hard to not notice, and turned their faces to the lizardman general just so they didn't have to watch further.
Zanac and Nimble looked over at Zaryusu as if to ask, 'What... exactly is going on there?'
Though his face was as inhuman as it got, with his snout turned down and his eyes on theirs, it was a 'long suffering' look that crossed all racial lines. They tried to give him something akin to a sympathetic expression and tried even harder not to think of the dangerous loli vampire girl as some kind of pseudo-throne.
"How... long till we get to where we're going?" Zanac asked uncomfortably.
He didn't really mind when nobody answered.
...Re-Estize...
Brain Unglaus walked away from the noble's estate as the fire was starting to spread. One more dead, one more problem solved. He looked back over his shoulder at the sound of shattering glass and a collapsing floor. "Relax dead man, I did you a favor." He said indifferently as he tapped the flat of his blade on his shoulder. "Trust me, better dead in there than handed over to the freaky demon girl or something." He shuddered briefly at the memory and was glad of the noise of the collapse of the building distracting him until he got to his horse.
People were running to put the place out. In a few hours when they were successful, they'd find a dead noble with a hole in his throat, on the off chance that they bothered to check. It didn't matter to him either way. As he sheathed his blade at his back and mounted the horse to ride away, he took a small document out of his pocket with the noble's name on it.
He held it up, then tore it in half, it promptly caught fire and he dropped it immediately, it vanished before it hit the ground. "I will never get used to that." He said with a small shudder of his own as he left the spot behind. "Sure is a useful way to let them know the job is done. I wonder how many more the King, his handler, or their King, will want purged before the end?" He wondered aloud as he rode his horse quietly down the dirt path back to the capital.
He returned a few hours later and walked into the palace without being challenged. Now a familiar sight, he made his way easily deep within the building, he didn't knock on any doors at all until he reached the princess's quarters. He knocked firmly but slowly, and a few moments later, he was admitted.
He entered just in time to see a gate close and the princess, in all her angelic glory, casually pouring more tea. He looked with some concern at the space where the gate had been. "I... didn't interrupt something important, did I, Your Highness?" Brain asked uncomfortably.
"Not at all." Outer Guardian Renner replied. Her eyes, solid white and shining like polished pearls in the sun, swept over him instantly and he felt briefly like he was looking into the eyes of a goddess. Her wings were wrapped around the front of her body, but he could see that beneath her wings she was wearing, not a dress, but something closer to a riding outfit, casual, comfortable, and not at all constricting. A routine with her lately. "I was just having a book returned to the Sorcerer King's library that Climb borrowed from the Guardian Overseer."
"She was here for that?!" He asked with disbelief.
"No, no, she sent someone else." Renner replied casually, "It was short, but we had a little time for girl talk since things have become... different, or rather 'better' with Climb." Renner smiled sweetly and Brain resolved privately to ask for all the dirty details later himself. "It's nothing you'd be interested in of course, but I must be polite to my supervisor." She said somewhat huffily.
"Ah, yes... well, I'm glad I did not interrupt anything." Brain said hastily, more and more glad by the minute that he didn't, his voice was quite sincere.
"Well, on to important matters, I saw you finished the job, I have three more names for you, then that should finish matters off. One former royal faction member with more money than sense, no loss as he has no competency and no loyalty. One who my brother wants killed for his own reasons, I'm sure they're good ones, and one who insulted Climb a few years ago." Renner said and handed him three sealed scrolls.
Brain took them in hand and slipped them into his satchel. "Ah, Your Highness, you did say 'years ago' didn't you?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yes, is that a problem?" She asked in her angelic voice as she tapped her fingers impatiently on the cover of a book.
"Well... it's just, it was years ago." He replied, as if the issue was obvious.
Renner covered her mouth and laughed as sweetly as a chirping bird. "Oh dear Brain, I don't care if it was five minutes ago, five days ago, five weeks, months, years, or decades. Any insult to my Climb will be answered with blood." She cocked her head at him and stuck out her tongue ever so slightly. "Please tend to him first, as you say, five years ago was quite some time ago, and well, I'd rather he not get away with it for even one more minute than I must allow him to."
Brain cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Well, if Your Highness wishes them purged, far be it for me to argue, one dead worthless noble is not something the world is ever going to miss. But ah, Climb does know about all this, doesn't he?" The blue-haired swordsman asked with some concern for the innocent boy.
"Mostly." Renner replied honestly, "He knows the old nobility has to go, and he knows what purges are like, he saw all the corruption with the old system, he knows how much it cost us all, so while it makes him uncomfortable, he can put up with it."
"Maybe he's growing up a bit." Brain said reluctantly.
"Maybe so." Renner agreed, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to read for a little while before Climb arrives. You'll find your payment has already been deposited in your credit account at the bank near your residence." She said dismissively as she picked up a copy of a book that he briefly glimpsed the title of. 'Venus in Furs' what an unusual title. I wonder what it's about?' Brain thought to himself, noting that it must be fascinating given the hurried steps that carried her to her bed to lie back and read it.
"As you like, Your Highness, I'll head out to take care of the one in particular first, then after a little rest I'll finish up with the other two, give Climb my best regards when he arrives." Brain said fondly and closed the door behind him too late to hear her start to get really into her book.
...Nazarick...
Demiurge looked over the corpse of the female, while a few feet away, a man's head was screaming, "Make it stop! Please make it stop! Don't let her do it again!"
The demon looked over to the talking severed head. "You should be grateful, you have your life because of my assistant's ideas on how to keep the blood going to your brain, nice and fresh."
"This is torment! I don't want to live, I don't want to live! She comes over to me and plucks out my eyeballs! She sets me on fire, please... just let me die!" The man's head screamed desperately.
Demiurge looked over at the head again, "All in the name of better serving Nazarick, you should know this by now, besides it has only been what, a few months?" The archdevil asked as he shifted the female corpse into a large box and placed a metal plate on either side of it, then slid them together so that they met at a hole in the center where her neck was, he brushed her deep brown hair out of the way and pinned it up so it couldn't impede the blade.
"But how much more?! Please tell me that much?!" The head shrieked in pain as it felt familiar talons dig into the skin from behind it. "No! Not you! Not again!"
"Now, now. You were our first successful trial, we'll keep you going for a very long time. After all, if there is a problem that causes you to die suddenly, we want to know about it before it hits any of our more useful, long term subjects." Demiurge replied reasonably as he placed the guillotine blade horizontally over the metal box top, then placed another metal plate over the top of the guillotine blade, sandwiching it into place to create a clear and unbroken path through the neck of the dead body.
"No! No! Please no!" The head begged, and Demiurge looked over his shoulder at it as he began hooking up various tubes to the head.
"Hand me that wand there, would you?" Demiurge asked politely, and the feminine hands of a gold skinned demoness did as he asked, then a moment later, he heard a sickening crunch of a breaking nose.
"I broke your goddamn nose, didn't I, bitch." She said to the fat faced pig like, human head.
"Yesh! You did, you bwoke dish bitch's goddamn nose! Please shtop! Please shtop!" the head screamed out.
Demiurge barely noticed what was going on behind him until it was time. "Alright, be ready to do your part, as soon as the blade slides through, and you've slowed the blood flow, I'm ready to cast my spell."
"Alright, ready when you are, Demiurge. I've been hearing about this 'Remedios Custodio' character for some time now, can't wait to see if she lives up to all the hype, even as nothing but a living, severed head."
Demiurge chuckled, "Well, you can judge that for yourself, let's begin." He said, and he used the resurrection wand to raise her from the dead. Then, just as her eyes were fluttering open, the blade moved to sever her head.
AN: OK I'm down to 35 chapters to close this out, I know, you got used to seeing multiple chapters per day or at least one per day, but honestly, I'm going to take a break from 'God Rising' for a bit. I'll explain why in the GR reflection chapter.