When I first started this story, this is the chapter that had firmly taken shape in my mind. I knew exactly how I wanted things to go in this chapter, how each couple would get there, but as I started writing it, my nerves got the best of me.
Now I'm not so sure of myself. I'm not so sure I did enough to show the motives of my guys. If you were going to ever review a chapter, review this one. Let me know what you think.
As always thank you for all the love! Happy New Year! I go back to work on Tuesday, so the next update may take a long while. I made my goal to update three times during my vacation, and I am quite proud to say, I did it!
January 18th
Riley stood in front of her mirror, clad in a pink pair of Aeropostale sweatpants and a very ratty Pennbrook T-shirt that once belonged to her mother, examining herself as Maya laid on her stomach on the bed, idly flipping through a magazine.
"Do you think I'll look different in the morning, Peaches?" Riley asked, her eyes never leaving the mirror as she twisted her torso back and forth.
"I don't know. You might have a scar forever marring your body," Maya mumbled, sounding bored as she smelled a perfume sample.
Riley studied her arm with a sigh. Was it only a few short weeks ago that she convinced herself she would be seeing Lucas Friar embedded into her skin? She allowed herself to hope that they had a real future together, but he didn't seem to be interested in it anymore. She had done everything in her power to see him after that horrible New Year's party, but he had effectively cut her off.
His phone had been shut off, his inbox was full, and he seemed to have blocked her from all social media. In a final act of desperation, she messaged Missy to get his address. Showing up on the Friar's doorstep was one of the most uncomfortable things she had ever done.
Mr. Friar took one look at her, assumed she was there for Zay and slammed the door in her face, telling her the Babineaux boy no longer lived there. She knocked a couple more times but to no avail. With the help of Sarah, she managed to set up a meeting with Zay. Zay seemed sympathetic to her plight, but he promptly informed her that Lucas was unavailable and not accepting any messages.
Riley gave him a note to give him anyway. Everything she wanted to say, she only wanted to say to his face, so all the note said was- I know. Can we talk? Your Girlfriend, Riley.
A few days later, Zay sent her text saying Lucas had nothing to say. When Christmas break was over, she showed up at school a half hour early, hanging out by his locker, but Lucas never showed. For a whole week and a half, Lucas did not make a single appearance at Abigail Adams.
Sarah took pity on her and told her he had gone with Zay to Texas to help him pack and work out the legalities of moving. Sarah's parents had refused to sign the papers that would allow Zay to move in. He had worn out his welcome with the Friar's, but Farkle had offered him a room at the Minkus residence until he figured out his next move.
From what Sarah said, Mr. Minkus had gone with the two teens to meet Zay's parents and help move things along. Riley distracted herself by focusing all of her energy on Shawn and Katy, and everything seemed to be going well on that front. Shawn was in-between jobs at the moment and with the help of her father, she had convinced him to stay in the city and work on that novel he had always been wanting to write. He was frequently found at the bakery, sipping coffee, staring at Katy, and typing away on his laptop.
Riley shook herself from her musings, turning to face Maya.
"Is it so wrong to still have hope that Lucas and I were made for each other?"
Maya shook her head. "Do you feel it in your heart that you are?"
Riley nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as she rubbed her soulspot. "I don't see how I could be truly happy with anyone else."
"Then does it really matter what you scar says?"
Riley shook her head as she ran to her door, closing it tight. When she was sure they were alone, she rushed over to her backpack, pulling out a brown paper bag. She tossed it to Maya, flopping down on the bed next to her.
"I did something, Maya!" she shrieked excitedly.
Maya opened the bag, pulling out a purple sparkly band.
"It's Lucas or bust, Peaches," Riley whispered conspiratorily.
Maya's eyes lit up, a grin overtaking her features. "Honey! How could you? You went and bought this? By yourself? Welcome to team free will!"
Riley shrugged. "I walked into the store. I wasn't sure what I was going to do until I saw that band. It just screams Riley Matthews, doesn't it?"
Maya pulled her into a hug. "That it does. I'm so proud of you for following your heart."
"I just hope I'm not too late. Lucas is so mad at me."
Both girls laid back on the bed, side by side. "I don't think he's mad at you. I think he's hurt, confused, and most of all, I think he's scared."
"I'm scared, too. I don't think my parents are going to understand."
"Maybe they won't have to," Maya offered hopefully. "Did you set your alarm?"
Riley nodded. She was born at 2:50 a.m. There was no way she could stay up that late. She had begged her family members to leave her and Maya be, wanting to have some time to herself. If she didn't get her scar, she was going to need it to pluck up the courage to put the band on and show it to her parents.
"I tried to call Lucas again. Farkle said they were back."
"Good. Sarah's moping was getting to be too much for me."
"I just wish I could get a hold of Lucas. I want to talk to him before my birth time."
The girls' conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Riley shouted as she stuffed the band into the paper bag and shoved the bag under her pillow.
"Hey," Josh said, taking a tentative step inside. "I was wondering if I could steal Maya for a bit."
"If Maya wants to be stolen."
Maya looked back and forth between the two most important people in her life.
"It's Riley's night, Josh," she said firmly, folding her arms across her chest.
"I know," Josh began nervously, "But I've been working on something for weeks, and I finally finished it. I think it will... clear things up for you."
Maya made eye contact with Riley. "Go ahead, Peaches. I'm going to try to call the guys. Maybe one of them will take pity on me."
Maya nodded, giving her friend a hug as she walked out the door. Riley studied her contacts list, selected a name, and waited impatiently.
"Hey, almost birthday girl!" Farkle said as he answered the phone.
"Did they get home okay? Is Lucas with you?"
"I... Yes, to the first question. I can't answer the second," Farkle said uncertainly.
"Will you put me on speaker?"
"Sure."
"Just in case anyone else is listening," Riley said when she was sure she was on speaker. "My birth time is at 2:50 in the morning, and I'd really like to talk to you before then. My window will be unlocked."
She paused, her heart beating out of her chest as she waited for a response. Finally, Zay's voice came over her phone. "He knows, Sugar."
"Okay," Riley sighed pathetically, trying not to cry. "I'm glad you're back, Zay."
"Me, too, dollface. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Mr. Minkus is insisting I go if I want to stay here."
Riley nodded even though he couldn't see her, hanging up the phone without another word. Riley curled up in a ball on her pillow as her hands reached for the bag. Clutching it tight to her chest, she allowed the tears to fall.
Once again Maya found herself in Josh's room, watching him anxiously straighten up.
"You know you could clean before you invite me in here."
"I do," he insisted. "It just always looks messy again when you walk in for some reason."
She took a seat on his bed, gesturing for him to proceed.
"You think I didn't have feelings for you before we got our scars," Josh began, starting off nervous, but gaining momentum as he continued, "And maybe I wasn't always as certain as you were, but I had feelings. From day one."
Maya rolled her eyes as she crossed her legs and pretended to study to her nails. "There's no way you-"
"I have proof," he interrupted.
"What proof?" Maya asked in disbelief her eyebrows practically at her hairline.
"This," he said, grabbing a large book off his desk and tossing it on the bed next to her.
It landed with a thud.
"Since all my brothers and sister are so much older than me, I've spent a lot of time observing people," he explained, gesturing for her to open the book to the first page. "So I started writing in journals."
Maya placed the book on her lap and opened it to the first page. It appeared to be a scrapbook, filled with pictures and lined blue paper from notebooks.
"I started with journals, but eventually, Shawn showed me how to take pictures."
He kicked a large box on the floor next to him. "I have spent the last 3 weeks tracking down all my photo albums and journals from the day we met, and I have poured over every single one. You know what I discovered?"
"What?" Maya asked, looking up from the page that described their first encounter in a sloppy fifth grade Josh's handwriting.
"My life is covered with you. I compiled all the highlights into a scrapbook," he said, gesturing to large book in her hands. "It's our story, but my whole story is open to you if you want."
He showed her the dozens of books in the box, all of which had pages torn out. "But I'll tell you one thing. You are the only girl in this book who isn't related to me mentioned more than once. You're the only girl, other than family, in here that I ever talk about in a significant way."
Maya gasped as she flipped to a random page, seeing a picture from a past Christmas. Riley and Maya were sat on the couch, Josh between them, his arm casual slung over both their shoulders. The girls were hamming it up for the camera, but Josh's focus had been on her, a dazed smile on his face.
"Did you know when I called to tell my mom about our scars, she knew you were the one? I didn't even have to tell her."
He sighed, racking his brain for all the words he wanted to say, but coming up short. "I love you, Maya."
Her eyes lasered in on his, unshed tears making them glossy.
"I love you," he repeated when he saw her attention on him. "I can't pinpoint the exact moment where I knew you were the one for me. It happened so subtly I don't know when it started because it has felt like you have been a part of me my entire life."
"Josh-" Maya started, but her voice broke. For the first time in her life, she was utterly speechless.
Josh leaned toward her, kissing her forehead. "Read what I wrote. Look at the pictures I took. Look at the moments other people captured of us, and if after all that, you're still convinced a damn tattoo decided my feelings, I will spend the rest of my life proving you wrong."
Without another word, Josh left the room, leaving her with their memories.
Maya sighed and opened the book up to the first page. "I might as well start at the beginning."
I finally get to stay at my brother's house all by myself for an entire week, and the entire time a cute little blonde with scabby knees kept calling me Boing and following me around! I want my brother to think I'm grown up enough to spend time with, but how can that happen if his daughter's friend is hanging all over me all the time?
I love Riley and everything, but I don't know about this Maya chick. I can just tell she's going to be trouble.
My brother and his family are coming home for summer vacation. They'll be here for a few weeks, and I just can't believe they're bringing Maya Hart! Doesn't that girl have her own family to bug?
... Cory just told me what happened to Maya's parents. If I ever see her dad on the street, I'll pop him one! How could anyone just abandon Maya like that? I guess it's okay if she spends time with us...
Christmas in New York! I wonder if Maya will be there...
Maya ended up staying at Cory's the entire time we did. She says she's in love with me! I'm practically a teenager, and she's 9. Riley made me promise not to hurt her, to let her down easy, but when I tried, all I could say was I'm too old for you.
I don't think she got the message.
I'm at Cory's for six weeks. So far it's been SO boring. Maya's away at some camp. I can't believe I'm actually missing the little twerp.
I mean, she is pretty funny, and she's always doing crazy things. I went to the park with Riley the other day, and a little girl teased her and made her cry, and all I kept thinking was Maya would never let anyone pick on Riley like this.
She is a really good friend to my niece, which I guess makes her a really good friend to me, too.
Another Christmas at Cory's. Maya jumped on my back when she saw me. I should tell her to stop, but she's the only person on the planet that makes me feel like I'm special.
Dad sat me down and told me that I shouldn't lead her on, but I don't know what to do. I'm not trying to make her feel the way she feels. She's a good kid. I don't want to hurt her ever.
It's bad enough her mom can't even be bothered to take Christmas off to spend with her. At least she has us around to take care of her. I guess it's okay to just let her have her little crush. She'll be over it eventually.
Maya found that the first years were filled with similar entries. Josh wanting his brothers to see him as a grown-up, but constantly getting stuck with her and Riley. Josh wondering about her, Josh angry at her folks for their lack of attention. Josh's family cautioning him to be careful with her feelings. Josh talked about her a lot, wondering how she was doing, if her mom remembered her birthday. It surprised her to think that back then he ever spared her a second thought, he hid it pretty well.
Things got really interesting when Maya turned 13.
Back at Cory's for our yearly Christmas dinner, and man, I have to say Maya Hart grew up gorgeous! I haven't seen her since this summer, and these last 5 months have been very good to her. It should be illegal for a girl that young to look like that.
I keep trying not to look at her, trying not to think of her. I look at Riley and see this little girl playing dress up, awkward in her own skin. So how is Maya the same age as her? How does Maya seem to have a secret in her smile that I just have to know?
I must be a perv. I need some serious help. No sophomore in high school is looking at seventh graders the way I'm looking at Maya Hart.
It's finally my sixteenth birthday! I can't believe it. My whole family came to Philly for my party. The only problem is Cory brought Maya. All weekend she has looked at me with these puppy dog eyes, and more than once I could swear she had just been crying.
I feel like the worst guy in the world. It's not my fault I might get my scar tomorrow. Every time she looks at me like that I feel like scum. I feel lower than scum. I've spent the last few months feeling like a perv, and now I feel like a lowlife, pervy, scum who has broken the heart of one of the most passionate people I know.
I hate that she's making me feel like this. Because of her and her blonde hair and her puppy dog eyes, I'm dreading the thought of my tattoo. If I get my tattoo tomorrow it's going to break her, it'll break her like her dad broke her mom, and I never want to be the person that causes her that kind of pain.
So... What can I do? Do I stop living my life?
... I didn't get my tattoo. My parents rented out Chubby's, and instead of playing pool with my friends, I spent the majority of the night outside of the girl's bathroom, listening to Maya cry her eyes out. It killed me. When my time came and my arm stayed bare, I brushed off everyone's hugs and words of sympathy. Like a damn loser, I snuck behind my niece and listened to her give Maya the news.
God, what is wrong with me? How was the sound of Maya's excited screams echoing in the stall the best birthday present I've ever gotten?
Shit. I'm in so much trouble. God, I'm such a perv.
For a while, the notebook pages blurred together. Josh would come to the Matthews or Maya would come to Philly, and he would try to not notice her. But Maya refused to be not noticed, she'd jump on his back or force him to entertain her and Riley.
All those times, she thought he was a reluctant participant in their mischief, he actually looked forward to spending time with them. This time period was filled with dozens of pictures of the three of them, Josh always standing a little closer to Maya than to Riley, his attention usually focused more on her than the camera.
How could she have not noticed this before? Where had these pictures been?
She hated to admit it, but when the notebook pages morphed into computer pages, she missed Josh's messy scrawl. She had finally reached his senior year, the year Amy and Allen bought him a laptop.
So I'm sitting on the train on the way to Cory's with my letter from NYU. I can't believe how nervous I am. This letter could decide my whole future. I'm either going to be in New York with Cory, Topanga, Riley, Auggie, and Maya... Or I'm not.
Almost every time I come here, I don't want to leave. I belong in this city with these people. God, I'm so nervous. Maybe I should have opened the envelope by myself. If I don't get in, I'm going to be so embarrassed. That pity look Riley will get on her face. Maya will be so disappointed.
... I got in! I got in! I got IN! This is one of the best days of my life. When I first showed up at my brother's, Maya acted like she could care less about my presence. She seemed so mature and put together, but the next thing I knew, she was on my back, reading my letter, and I got in!
She said I'd be spending the next four years with her, but I was thinking about another time bomb- two years. In two years, she'll be sixteen. She'll get her scar, and it will be all over. She'll get whisked away to some other city with some other guy. I don't know who that guy is yet, but he'll fall for her. Who wouldn't want to be in love with Maya Hart?
I hate my roommate! Oh my God! He is the WORST! I can't stand him. College is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The only bright spot is Sunday night dinners at Cory's.
I go over, do my laundry, spend some time with my family and Maya of course, and usually wind up sleeping on their couch. Cory and I are actually having a friendship. It feels like we're equals for the first time in my life.
He sat me down and told me that Maya is going through an important time in her life, that she is discovering who she is, and I need to give her the space to do that.
I feel like I'm walking around naked. Everyone seems to know how I feel about Maya, no matter how hard I try not to. I try to keep her at a distance, to tell myself she just has a crush on me. She'll get over it.
Cory and Topanga asked me to move in, and the only thing keeping me from giving into what's happening between me and Maya is that I promised no funny business under their roof. They trust me, and if I break Maya's heart, one of us won't be spending as much time in this apartment.
We both need this place. I can't take it from her.
I just saw Maya Hart naked! Ok, she had a towel wrapped around her, but she was naked underneath it. Soaking wet from the shower, rushing into Riley's room.
I'm in trouble.
I'm freaking out. I'm going to fail my European History class unless I get an 84 on the final. Cory, Topanga, Riley, and Maya all offered to help me study, but Riley is already asleep and the adults are fading fast.
... I can't believe Maya stayed up all night to help me study. I don't know how many different ways she came up with to memorize all the names and dates I have to know for this test. I stuck the flashcards in my pocket, and when I pulled them out on the subway, I noticed she drew all these cute pictures in the corner with words of encouragement in the corner. She must have done it while I was in the shower. It was exactly what I needed to relax before my test. How did she know?
God, she's amazing.
Maya gasped in shock as she pulled those very flashcards out of an envelope he had stapled to the next page of the book. He kept these? She had been so embarrassed by the cutesy things she wrote that she had pretended to be asleep when he got out of the shower. He never said a word about it, the only reason she even knew he passed is because Topanga posted the 98 he got on his final on the fridge for most of the month of June.
That summer Josh split time between Philly and here, and even when she wasn't around, he was thinking about her. Maya had no idea how much. These pages were filled with pictures he had taken. Pictures of her- laughing, smiling, sleeping, studying. He had experimented with different ways to expose the film, different filters. Obviously, Shawn had been teaching him, and she must have been one of his favorite subjects.
She remembered him with a camera, but she had no clue he was taking that many pictures, especially of her. He made her look so beautiful, she had a hard time believing that was her.
Farkle turned sixteen today. We all went to his party, and I couldn't help myself. I had to dance with Maya. She looked incredible, and she kept smiling up at me with that smile that makes me feel like I'm the only guy in the world.
But seeing Farkle get his scar was like a dose of cold water. Everything is going to change soon. Everything is going to be different. Cory says to be patient. To wait and see. To let Maya grow up. I'm trying to do what's best for everyone, what's right, but the right thing just feels so completely wrong.
Two more months. Everything will change in two months.
This is the most nerve-wracking day of my life. I asked Katy to let me work. I need to keep moving. Keep my mind busy. If Maya gets her scar today...
I don't know what I'll do. If I have to let go of the idea of me and Maya for good. I have spent the past year pushing her away for "her own good" and I don't know if I have it in me to keep doing it.
I promised Cory I would let this play out, but he sees Maya like a child that needs protection, not the woman she's becoming. He sees me as his immature little brother, incapable of making a decision without his approval.
I don't know what's going to happen, but everything is going to change today. I'll wait and see what destiny has in store for us, but if I don't like it, if some other guy is involved and he can't make her happy, I'm going to step in. Even if I have to go against my brother.
God, help me, I love Maya Hart.
Maya slammed the book closed, hot angry tears pouring down her face. All this time, he wanted her, and Matthews had kept them apart? Matthews convinced him to wait? All these doubts she'd been having, all the time they'd missed out on?
No more she thought, shaking her head. She opened the door and found Josh sitting across the hall, resting his head on his arms with an anxious look on his face. The moment he noticed her presence, he stood up, wiping his hands on his pants.
"So...what to do-"
Maya didn't give him a chance to say a word, launching herself into his arms. He caught her as she wrapped her legs around his waist, one hand underneath her the other tangled up in her hair.
She attacked his lips with fervor, giving him frenzied, salty kisses. He walked them into his room, kicking the door closed. He gently settled them on the bed, as she kissed every available inch of skin on his face, his neck, his ear.
When they were both breathless and panting, she pulled back and said, "I'm going to kill Cory Matthews."
Laughing, he brushed her hair behind her ear. "He just wanted to protect his other daughter. I don't blame him. Maya, I am so sorry that I've been so stupid for so long. You have to believe me, I never ever wanted to hurt you. I just want you to be happy."
Maya nodded. "I never realized anyone was against us."
"No one was against us. They just wanted me to let you grow up. I wanted to let you grow up, too. If I'm being honest, we both still have a lot of growing to do, but once I saw my name on your arm, I couldn't hold myself back any longer. Can you forgive me, that I didn't have the courage to go after what I wanted until I saw our scars? I'm not as brave as you, Maya."
He wiped the tears from Maya's eyes as she clung on to him just a little tighter. "Only if you can forgive me for not trusting you."
Josh laughed. "There's nothing to forgive. I didn't give you a reason. I just assumed you knew all along how I felt. I mean, I never even dated anyone else."
"I just thought you were waiting on your soulmate."
"I was. I was waiting for you. I love you, Maya, and I'm going to make sure you never have to question that again."
"I love you, too, Josh, but I'm going to have to kill your brother."
They both laughed. After that, not another word was spoken for a long time as both teens reveled in the fact that they were on the same page for the first time in their lives.
"You're an ass," Farkle insisted as he shut off his phone.
"I prefer the term noble," Lucas deadpanned, not looking up from the dresser where he was putting away Zay's clothes.
"There's nothing noble about making a girl as sweet as Riley cry," Zay cut in as he returned to the room, having just walked Sarah to the car.
"What will you have me do, Zay? Lie to her? Give her false hope? Let her throw away everything she has ever wanted?"
Farkle gestured to the black band on Lucas' arm. "No, but I'd rather you didn't crush her heart into a million pieces. A fucking band is a slap in the face to her."
"I'm not going to be her soulmate, Farkle."
The younger boy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I've heard your whole family is mateless, but I'll tell you what. If any person can break the Friar curse by sheer willpower, it's Riley. If she says you guys are soulmates, you are."
Lucas turned to face his longtime friend, his eyes blazing. "Who haven't you told?"
"I didn't tell anyone! Maya did! Besides," Zay said, coming to sit next to them. "Riley knows and still wants to be your girlfriend. Maybe she wants to tell you she will get banded."
"She says that now, but one day she'll change her mind. She'll resent me and everything I made her give up. Could either of you honestly imagine your lives without your soulmates? Would you wish a life like that on anyone else?"
Zay shook his head, backing off at the thought of Sarah not being in his life.
"But we aren't you and Riley. We have never felt anything for anyone besides our mates. You two are different. What you have is special and everyone knows that."
"Go talk to her," Zay begged. "At least hear what she has to say."
"And how can you be so sure you won't get your scar?" Farkle pressed. "You want her to give up everything she has ever known about scars, but you can't give up everything you've ever known. Believe in her. Riley Matthews will never steer you wrong."
Lucas shook his head, grabbing his coat. "I'll see you both at school tomorrow."
"He's not going to go over there, is he?" Farkle asked.
"Not at all," Zay replied.
He didn't come. Riley couldn't believe it. Her alarm was going off. It was 2:30, and Lucas had never come. Maya wasn't back yet either. Whatever Josh had done must have worked because she hadn't returned. Riley smiled at the thought of her uncle and her best friend working things out.
She had twenty minutes. Twenty more minutes until she would know if Lucas was the universe's decision for her. She made her way to the bay window, staring at her arm in the glow of the pale moonlight.
"God, I know I don't talk to you enough. I don't go to church every week, and I don't come to you with my problems. I'm not as grateful as I should be. I don't thank you for all the good things you have given me. I don't ask you for help as often as I should..." Riley said shakily. "But I know Lucas is a good man. I know he is who I am supposed to be with. Please."
She sighed, grabbing her phone to check the time. She still had fifteen minutes.
"Give me a sign. Show me how I can get through to him. I love him. I tried not to. I have always done exactly what I was supposed to do. I listen to my parents, I help my friends, I do well in school, and I do good in the world. I have always been a good girl who follows the rules..."
Ten more minutes.
"But I can't do that anymore. I can't just sit back and watch my life happen around me. I want to be with Lucas. I want him, and even if it goes against everything I have always believed in, even if he doesn't want me anymore..."
"God, I love Lucas. We belong together. I know it. I feel it in my bones."
She stared at her arm as she clutched her locket whispering desperately, "Our souls are the same."
And then, a full five minutes before her birth time, she felt a shooting pain in her arm. Her heart stopped, she held her breath.
Lucas William Friar.
Squealing in delight, she reached for the phone. She called his number but again got no answer. Double checking that her window was unlocked, she grabbed a blanket and pillow from her bed, the band falling to the floor. She curled up on the bay window, resting her head against the glass as she searched the sidewalk below for the familiar blonde head.
"He will come now. He has to. He'll be here," she whispered excitedly to herself.
Across town, Lucas lay fast asleep, exhausted from walking around the city all night, rubbing his arm in his sleep, the black band standing out against his green bedspread. Had he been awake, he might have noticed the slight pain as he became the first Friar to ever gain his scar.
Riley Chloe Matthews.
Had he been awake, he might have thought to take the band off to check, but instead, he slept on, never even knowing that fate had given him exactly what he wanted.
AN: So... Has Josh earned back some forgiveness? Would you hate to be Cory Matthews right now? I always had this journal idea in mind for Josh, and I hope it doesn't come across as a cliche way to get Josh back in Maya's good graces. Seeing as how no one guessed it, it's got to be somewhat surprising, right?
And OF COURSE Riley and Lucas are soulmates, and OF COURSE, Riley would choose love over everything, but Lucas... is an idiot. Buckle your seatbelts, kids, this story's not quite over.