Chapter 7

The rest of the week leading up to the ball went by quickly. I enjoyed staying at Peach's home. Peach's little toad house managed to have three bedrooms, two being bedrooms and an office for when she did "official business" at home. I was thankful I was able to have a bed of my own, not sleeping on the couch or taking someone else's bed. Mario accompanied us at dinner almost every night. He was mad because Peach wouldn't tell him what her gown looked like for the ball. "It's a surprise, dear!" was Peach's playful response. I had seen the long, dark pink satin dress with a long slit up her thigh. Mario kept pleading for hints, and after a while she kissed him saying "Alright, one hint. It's my favorite color." Both Mario and I didn't think it was much of a hint; practically everything she owned was a shade of pink. When Peach wouldn't give him hints, he started asking me. It was fun watching Mario squirm for details when he knew he could not have them. Giving up, we talked about the different foods, music, and decorations that would be at the ball.

On a few occasions Luigi accompanied Mario for dinner. Luigi was quiet, and after the story Peach told me, I understood why. Luigi wasn't as excited about the ball as everyone else. When asked questions about it, he mainly responded with shrugs and one-word answers. One evening, I attempted to bake a cake with Peach. Peach made a cake that looked and tasted perfect. Mine looked like it had been dropped on the ground several times. Mario and Peach tried to be nice, saying that it was a good try.

"My cake looks like shit. Literally." Peach gave me a stern look; she hated when I cursed, saying Wally's poor language must have rubbed off on me during my time with him. "No, seriously, look at it. It's a brown blob. I even burnt it." I poked my finger at it, seeing crusty black spots where it had almost caught fire. "I don't know what else could look worse." Peach and Mario looked at it, and Luigi snickered. We all stared at him. It sounded strange, like something that he hadn't done in a while and was out of practice.

"Looks almost as bad as what comes out of Yoshi." I started laughing. Peach crossed her arms, but Mario joined me.

"I don't want to talk about that at dinner!" Peach protested, but she lost the battle. Luigi didn't have a fully bellied laugh like Mario and I, but he continued to snicker.

I also met a few of Peach's friends, including one of her closest friend, Toad. Toad was true to his name, being a small, male mushroom person with a red and white hat. I only ran into him once when Peach and I were picking up decorations. We were looking through different table toppers, and he had a nagging, nasal voice; I was happy to wave him good bye after we left the shop.

I tried to stop by Wally's at least twice that week. We had dinner one night where he caught me up on everything he, Mario, and Luigi were doing. He said it wasn't bad working with them, but he didn't see it as something he would do on a regular basis. Apparently, Mario took a long time to inspect everything in sight. "We found a block and he thought it looked darker. "It might be covered by a shadow," Wally imitated, "so we wasted three bombs on that damn block." Wally complained dramatically. I asked what Luigi did, and Wally waved his hands impatiently. "Nothing! He just hangs back most of the time. I literally think the only thing he does is carry power ups for us. Mario is making him go." I wanted to change the direction of the conversation to stop Wally from saying something completely mean about the brothers, so I asked what he enjoyed doing on the hunt. He loved throwing the bombs everywhere and not getting yelled at for it. He needed to get some more bombs, as his supply was running low, but he said his cousin in Hyrule had some good connections. I didn't ask; I just took his word for it.

I was hesitant to ask him, but I wanted to know about Bowser. "Any news about Bowser coming to get me?"

Wally shrugged. "Haven't heard anything. We haven't seen any of his followers around, either. Can't do much about that situation. Bowser's been known to suddenly attack, so we are keeping a look out. The best thing we can do is just keep you safe. And, since you have a tendency to worry, don't worry about Wario, either. He learned his lesson and is sorry…or about as sorry as Wario can get. I think Mona had something to do with that. She's about the only one that can talk some sense into his thick skull. They invited us to Diamond City sometime to make up for it, but that place is crawling with Bowser's minions." I didn't feel the phrase 'no news is good news' applied, but there was no sense in working myself up. "Bowser isn't much brains, so it'll take him a while to come up with a failure of a plan." Before I could think too much on the issue, Wally changed the subject to something light-hearted.

"Looking forward to the big ball? I hear there's going to be an endless supply of drinks."

"Of course, you'd be excited for that. I'm a little excited...I'm looking forward to seeing everyone all dressed up. Are YOU going?" I winked. Wally wiggled his eyebrows.

"Of course, I am! I've even got a hot date." He gave a wolf whistle and drew an air silhouette with his hands. I punched him but laughed. "Good thing you aren't staying here, I don't think you'd want to be on the couch." I rolled my eyes, but I was happy for him. He looked up at the clock. "Alright, Jelly-bean. I gotta get you back to Peach's before she bites my head off."

Before I knew it, it was the evening of the ball. Toadsworth, the head of Peach's court and personal guardian, had some "business" to discuss with her. While they were in the office I sat in my room, reading a book about the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach had brought some books for me to read, since I finished mine, as well as a small journal to write in. Usually I'd be engrossed in my book, or diligently writing things in my journal, but I was too eager to get to the castle and couldn't focus on the pages. Finally, after what felt like hours, they emerged, and I practically bolted out the door. I was excited to get ready.

Peach insisted on having one of her beauticians do my hair and makeup, which was something I had never had done. Sure, I've had my hair cut, but never really styled fancy. My hair was fixed in a loose bun with curls falling out, and my bangs were side swept across my forehead. She added a golden ribbon that matched my dress, which glistened against my dark hair. I felt the beautician carefully apply makeup on my scar, mumbling about how I had pretty features, and no scar could take that away. When she was done, she beamed at me. "Beautiful. Take a look!" She handed me a mirror. I looked at myself, amazed at the end result. I barely recognized the person looking back at me. Wow, I can barely see my scar. And my eyes…they're all smoky. Is that really me? I absolutely loved the way I looked. I glanced at Peach, her hair down in large, loose curls. Her makeup was not quite done, but even unfinished she, as usual, looked ravishing.

When Peach was done she hugged me, giving me a beaming smile. "You look absolutely stunning." I smiled back, giving her a compliment back. Peach motioned towards the front door. "I'm meeting Mario, would you care to join us?" I shook my head, saying I wanted to have some time alone before. She nodded, heading out the door to meet her date. "Don't take too long. I'll see you at the party." I went to a balcony and stood for a while. I didn't have much on my mind except I wanted to enjoy this. I had friends, and I could hardly contain my excitement to see everyone, especially Wally's date. I was curious who she was, as he wouldn't tell me anything about her except she was a looker. Below a crowd started filtering in the large front doors. I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders, nervously walking down a spiral of stairs to the grand ballroom.

Upon entering it was hard to tell if I was in the ballroom or outside. The room was dark and small golden lights hung from the ceiling, twinkling like stars. Hundreds of candles lit the edge of the ballroom where tables lined up. Attendants walked around offering food and drinks to the passersby. A toad dressed in a tux approached me, and I took a glass of what looked like bubbly pink champagne. There were other humans in the room, along with toads, koopas, goombas, and other creatures I didn't recognize.

While searching for a familiar face, it surprised me to see so many humans. By a punch bowl was Wario and, I assumed, Mona. She was in a cream dress, and her strawberry blonde hair hung in waves. She looked nice, and I wondered why on Earth was she with Wario. Strange…well I'm definitely not going to get punch anytime soon. Wario looked nice in his tux, but even after his half-hearted apology, I was still angry about the Bowser incident. I kept scanning the room, finally finding a friendly face. "Wally!" I greeted, approaching him and his date. He looked sharp in a deep purple tux. His date was wearing a sultry red dress, and he had his arm wrapped tightly around her. I approached and he had to do a double take.

"Jelina! You look stunning!" He removed his arm from his date so he could give me a hug. "Pauline, this is Jelina. Jelina, Pauline." We shook hands, and she smiled. "I was just telling Pauline about possibly opening a prank, er, joke shop." He grinned. "I could teach the kids here how to pull a decent prank." I shook my head. Wally was showing off to Pauline. He pointed to various people in the room, describing the tricks he played on them. He picked out a very tall, slender woman with platinum blonde hair. She was surrounded by plump stars, and her blue gown glittered.

"That's Rosalina…once when we were racing, I accidentally put soap in her kart. She was pretty mad when she went to start and saw a stream of large bubbles. And for good measure, I nailed her with a red shell." Pauline thought it was hilarious and never took her eyes off him. I decided to let Wally have some alone time with his date.

"It was nice to meet you, Pauline. Have fun," I said, hugging Wally again.

"Don't drink too much champagne," he nudged my arm as I walked away. "Don't want to have to drag you home, or hear you've decided interspecies affairs are ok!" I rolled my eyes and scanned the crowd again. Peach and Mario were talking to a large group of toads. Mario was wearing a black tux with accents of red. Peach was beaming at him as he animatedly recalled a story. I started heading that way, wondering which adventure he was recollecting, when I passed the balcony.

Luigi's back was facing away from the crowd, and he was sitting alone. His shoulders were slumped over, and it looked like his head was in his hands. He seemed oblivious to the party inside, lost in his thoughts. I looked at Peach and Mario; they hadn't noticed my lack of presence and looked rather preoccupied. I decided to go sit with Luigi and join them later. Walking around the outskirts of the group I made my way to the large glass doors. I snuck through, immediately closing them behind me. The sound of the music was barely audible, almost a whisper. Luigi looked up, surprised as I sat next to him.

"Hey," I said. "You look nice tonight." Nice was an understatement. He was wearing a black tux, the kind with a tail, with a green cummerbund and bow tie, and his hair was neatly slicked back. I saw a top hat sitting on the ground. I wasn't used to seeing him without his hat, but it allowed me to fully see the expressions on his face. For some reason, I was reminded of Fred Astaire, or maybe Frank Sinatra. He had a classy look about him. "Very handsome."

He blushed, looking down at his hands. "You look…" He had trouble saying the words, becoming flustered. "You look…lovely tonight." I grinned. We both sat there for a minute in silence. I didn't feel the need to continually fill the void with words. I enjoyed his company on the balcony. Breaking the silence, he asked, "Not one for dancing?"

"Not really. I would rather sit, more of a wall flower."

"I'm horrible. I have two left feet. I trip and fall more than I dance."

We sat some more in silence. At some point, I heard a loud noise coming from the ballroom. I turned around, seeing Mario do a crazy dance move, and the crowd cheered. Luigi noticed me looking. "You don't have to stay here, if you don't want." He didn't look at me when he said this, continuing to look down at his hands.

I shifted my weight so I could see him better. "I know. I want to be here. Crowds aren't my thing." He didn't respond. Luigi looked downcasted. Something strange came over me, a sensation I have never felt in my entire life. Sitting before me was a man who knew the kind of pain I felt, experienced the hurt and longing from the death of a loved one, and had trouble living again. I don't know why, but I suddenly wanted to share my real story, the heartache I hid from everyone, the memories that I hadn't told a soul. As I set my champagne glass down by my feet, I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the hardest story of my life: my depression.

I started to wring my hands nervously, twirling the lace shawl that draped over my shoulders. He looked at me, concerned by my sudden change in behavior. The idea of sharing felt right, and I knew I wouldn't regret my decision. "Luigi, can we…I don't know…talk?"

Luigi turned to face me, confusion and worry etched in his face. "What's on your mind, Jelina? Everything ok?"

I took in a deep breath, mentally preparing myself. "Yes. Luigi, I know what it's like to…" I trailed off, and he looked away. Great, I am already making things awkward. I didn't know how to approach the subject, I didn't know how to start. "What I mean to say is…" That sounds great. Luigi looked at me, and I could tell I had his full attention. His face looked pained, whether it was for what I was about to say or for his own experiences, I couldn't be sure. Maybe both. He waited while I gathered myself, and I was thankful for his patience. Closing my eyes, the music in the background left my ears, and visions of my past flashed in my mind. With my thoughts collected, I began to speak.

"My older sister, Kaitlyn, died after I graduated high school from Leukemia. I can't say I was completely sad. She really suffered, especially the last few years of her life. It was horrible to watch her deteriorate in front of my eyes, and when she finally passed, I was happy she was finally at peace. I was finally able to start living my life, rather than having to take care of someone else's. I had dreamed of going to a college, but I never knew what I wanted to do. I never knew what I could do. My parents and I started looking through endless options. I remember my dad would come home from work every day and we would look online at colleges and universities. Sometimes we would play a game to find the most obscure or worthless degree. The process of finding a school, filling out applications, and taking entry tests were hard, but my parents made it fun.

"Finally, two years later, I was accepted to Arizona State University and enrolled for fall classes. They were just basic classes because I still debated on a major, but the first step was over. My parents were proud and wanted to take me out to celebrate with dinner and a movie. We had made reservations, but after swimming outside in the heat all day, I didn't feel well. The restaurant we planned to go to was nice, and I told my parents to go on without me. They hadn't had a nice dinner in ages. I convinced them that it would be ok and I'd just rest at home. They left, and I never saw them again."

I felt something touch my hand, and I realized Luigi had been holding and rubbing it in comfort. There was a steady flow of tears on my face, and I felt my chest throb. I looked away from Luigi, not out of shame, but because I didn't want to see the expression on his face. I knew if I saw his face I would completely break down, and probably be unable to continue.

"We were having a dust storm, and a semi-truck didn't see them and hit them on the highway. I know I got a phone call, I know I saw the wreckage of my parent's car, and I know I was escorted to the morgue, but I can't remember any of it. All I remember is identifying my parent's bodies. I had seen death before, as I was with my sister when she died. This was different. They weren't ready to go. They weren't peaceful. They were all I had, and in a blink, they were gone.

"I felt guilty. I kept telling myself 'what if this' and 'what if that.' I should've been in the car with them. I should've told them to reschedule the dinner. I should've checked the weather. I should have done something to prevent what happened or been there with them. I didn't deserve to be alive, and I somehow unwillingly cheated death."

Luigi sniffed, hand still rubbing mine. I felt goosebumps on my arm, but I wasn't cold. I tightened the shawl around my shoulders and Luigi scooted closer to me. I knew what I was saying to him wasn't going to be easy, but I forgot how painful…how difficult it really was. It took a few deep breaths before I could continue.

"The day my parents died, I died, too. I thought of suicide, but I couldn't go through with it. Dying would have been easy. Instead, what I did what worse. Although I still was breathing, I became a walking zombie…a shadow of my past self. My parents left me all they had, which was not much. I used whatever money I had to pay bills and secluded myself. I never made it to ASU. I only left the house when I absolutely had to. I stopped eating. I slept all the time, even though I had dark nightmares. Then again, my awakened state was just as dark, and day and night blurred together. I went to grief counseling, but it didn't really do anything. I was too depressed. I kept myself in a state of depression, refusing to move on."

I reached for my champagne glass, finishing off the drink. Luigi was looking down in his lap, and I knew he understood exactly what I was saying. I sighed and continued on. "Eventually my funding ran low so I had to get a job. I hated that I had to rely on buses and the light rail, because that meant being around more people, but I had panic attacks every time I sat in a car. Eventually, I found a mindless, repetitive job near my house. Even though I was out of the house, I still didn't live. Guilt was the only feeling I knew. I lived that way for about six years, and I honestly can't tell you what happened during those six years of my life. The only day I really remember was the day I got my bike.

"I had gone to work, as usual, but they sent me home early. I left but had more than an hour before I could take the bus back to my house. Next to where I worked was a bike shop. It had just opened, and I saw a bike hanging in the window. It was dark green with a brown seat and handles, and the wheels were white washed…I was drawn to the bike. For the first time in years I felt genuinely interested in something. I went in the store, and before I knew it, I was the proud owner of the bike. I got a bell, a basket, a bright helmet, and a few other accessories. I took pleasure in picking out everything. My bike was ready to ride, and I was ready to ride it! The shop keeper took pictures of new buyers with their bike to hang on the wall. He snapped a photo, and I wanted a copy. He was nice enough to print me one from his computer. I stuck the picture in my basket, and I rode.

"I felt the life returning to me as I pedaled home. Although the day was hot and sweat poured down my face, I didn't care. I felt the air in my lungs, the sun on my face. I felt things that were oblivious to me before. From that day forward, I rode that bike everywhere. I continued to grieve, but it became manageable, like the guilt and pain began to lessen with each turn of the bike's wheels. I couldn't stop. I started eating again, and I didn't want to stay in bed, always eager to ride. I even took an interest in getting to know people. I no longer wanted a repetitive job anymore, and I thought of college.

"It wasn't easy to find a routine and took a few more years to adapt. I still keep to myself a lot, but now, it doesn't consume me. When things get really hard, I ride. My bike saved me, and it continues to save me. I may not be completely happy with where I am in life, but I'm now happy to be alive."

The memory of getting my bike was the best day of my life. Through the tears, which I no doubt left streaks of black from my makeup, I gave a smile. I know it wasn't healthy to have such an attachment to a physical object, but it was something I could rely on. It made me move; it kept me in motion. I finally looked at Luigi, who still had a firm grip on my hand. He was crying, tears freely falling down his nose, dripping onto his lap. I leaned into him, almost touching his shoulder. I picked up his other hand, and gently placed them both in my lap. He didn't look over, but I rubbed his hand to reassure that whatever dark thoughts were in his mind weren't true, and he wasn't alone.

His shoulders began to shake, and his crying became harder and louder. We continued to sit there as he quietly sobbed. I put my arm around him and he hugged me back, weeping in my shoulder. I could physically feel his pain and rubbed his back. I heard him whisper words, but they were not intended to be conversational. They were words that he had contained in his mind, words that overtook his thoughts, and needed to let them go. I continued to hold him, and the only thing that existed in that moment was him. I didn't care about the ball, I didn't care about getting back to Phoenix, I didn't care about Bowser; all that I cared about was Luigi.

It was a while before the sobbing died down and Luigi lifted his head. His eyes had a ring of red from the tears. I cupped his face to wipe away his tears, and he closed his eyes, leaning into my hand. "Does it ever stop? The pain?" His words were barely audible.

"No. There will always be pain. You can't forget someone you loved. But the pain changes. The grief, the guilt, the shame, all the negative thoughts that caused the pain is replaced with acceptance. You can't change what happened, but you can change how it affects you." Luigi's breathing began to quiet down. I took my hand down from his face. He opened his eyes but kept them looking at his hands.

"They closed the pipe to Brooklyn because of me. I'm the reason that you can't go back. I'm sorry," he apologized. "After D... Daisy died, I couldn't stand the thought of living without her. She was my everything. I wanted to move to Sarasaland, live with her, marry her. Mario and Peach kept a close watch on me. It was as if they knew I was going to try to do something to myself. I wanted everything to end, but I never was alone to do it. Mario made me stay at his house even though I have a place of my own. Where ever I was, there he was."

"You are lucky to have people with you that care so much about you." Luigi nodded.

"I managed to sneak away from Mario and had taken a walk. Somehow, I ended up at the pipe back to Brooklyn. We never traveled back anymore. Why go back? We had everything we ever wanted in life right here. But at that moment I wanted to jump in the pipe. Mario caught up to me, and we both knew if I jumped in that pipe I would never be seen again. He took me back home, but the next day the pipe had collapsed. Someone had thrown a bomb down it. I knew it was to prevent me from returning, to prevent me from leaving and killing myself.

"After that, I gave up. If I couldn't end myself, I would just not care anymore. Sometimes I think things are getting better, but then I feel I am forgetting her. I want to move on, but I don't want to forget Daisy. I feel guilty moving on. I feel guilty living while she isn't. Mario and Peach finally stopped following me, let me be alone, but I know they still worry about me…I can see it every time they look at me."

Luigi's voice cracked. "It's all my fault you can't go home." I tightly hugged him again.

"Nothing's your fault, Luigi," I whispered. "If we're playing the blame game, it's my fault I was an idiot and got a little drunk and rode my bike too close to a construction zone."

Despite the serious conversation, despite the pain, I felt him chuckle. I pulled back my embrace, and we resumed to look at each other. "You'll never forget her, Luigi. But it's ok to move on, to be happy, to love, to laugh. It's ok to live." He breathing wavered, and then he gave a great sigh. In that sigh I felt all the weight of his pain, the grief, guilt, the shame, everything negative, leave his body. His pain would not be completely gone, but he was on the path to accepting Daisy was no longer here and he was still alive. He took one of his hands from mine and wiped the tear stains under my eyes. A moment passed, and I turned around and I was surprised to see the party still in full swing. I caught sight of Mario and Peach dancing close to a slower song. I scanned the rest of the room; Wally and Pauline must have left or found a more private place as I couldn't find him anywhere; he was not easy to miss. I turned back around and faced the balcony.

"That party will go one all night or until everyone passes out, which ever happens first," Luigi said. "Do you want to go back in there?"

"Do you?" I asked. He shook his head. "Then neither do I." We sat there, his arm around my shoulder, holding hands, silently taking in the night sky. We were two people learning to live after dying inside. We ended up falling asleep, even though the party continued on loudly in the background. At some point I awoke. We must have been out a while because the party had ended and everyone was gone; I was glad no one had bothered us. I heard a snore, and I debated whether or not to wake Luigi up. His arm was still around me, though it had slipped to behind my back, resting on my hip. Our hands were still entwined together, and his head had ended up resting on my shoulder. I looked at his face, and for the first time it looked peaceful; I knew his nightmares were gone, or at least leaving. I laid my head next to his and fell back asleep.