Author's note: You thought this was it, you thought this was abandoned, you started to believe this story was just a one-shot. But no, bitches! This story is still alive!
Oh my fucking god, it took me forever to build up the drive of continuing this story. 4 fucking years! I actually have a good reason for such a staggering hiatus. Let me refresh your memories… When I had first posted this story I said this was supposed to be a collaboration with my brother, Farcochat, but then the little shit simply bailed out on me and leaved me hanging dry, and without him helping me in writing the drafts for each chapter I found it impossible continuing on my own while having other stories to focus my attention into.
All that work to waste, at the time we only had like a rough sketch of the direction we wanted to take the story and without him to iron out the details I was incapable of coming up with ideas or writing the actual chapters.
And we had so many plans for the future of this story, grandiose plans of turning it into a series of different installments, sequels and future adventures. It was an overwhelming amount of material to keep track off and I wasn't able to do it on my own. But then I decided Fuck it! I wasn't going to let all those plans go to waste and decided to tackle the task of taking the reins of this story on my own. A new year goal that I set for myself and all that. So, I finally managed to have this chapter ready despite all the setbacks.
It's not as long as the first chapter, I can't realistically pull off such lengths without entire months of work, but it is decent enough for the purposes of reigniting interest. Oh god, I have a lot of time to make up for, just more work for my updates schedule. However, I promise it will never take horribly as long to make another update to this story. But I would appreciate if you feel the updates are taking too long to let it me known, many other authors cry or bemoan the fact that their reviewers don't stop pressuring them for updates. Me on the other hand, I need them as reminders that there's a story to be written. I know I am lazy so I require sometimes to, let's say kick the engine into gear otherwise I would never get anything done.
However, I should warn you before-hand that I don't take shit from anyone, so if you push too much I will start to push back. So if people start like: Motherfucker get your ass moving and give me my next chapter!... I would be like…. Alright Asshole, here take it and stop breaking my balls! I hope you choke in it faggot so I don't have to listen to your whining again!
Anyway, just a friendly advice, if you can't take the heat then don't even try to test me. But if you don't mind then okay… Just remember that I would be the biggest dick about it if you are being cheeky.
Anyhow this story is finally back so let's get to it already.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takashi, The Elders Scrolls V: Skyrim belongs to Bethesda. (Why Bethesda! Why you had to follow the example of EA and become a crapsack company! Why did you betrayed us! Now you are just a shadow of your former self! You and Bioware have failed us, and will soon die in a flood of shit. However, it's a good thing almost all of the OG devs decided to jump ship as soon as the crap started to smell and founded their own studios. It's what gave us Divinity Original Sin and Pillars of Eternity. And we still have Obsidian and CD Project Red to keep the flag waving high. So in short, fuck EA and fuck Bethesda! Fuck them with a giant horse cock right in their assholes and shove a big floopy donkey dick down their throats.
CHAPTER 2
SKYRIM'S GUARDS BANE
OR
SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL YO'
+Outskirts of Winterhelm+
We found the group of unlucky heroes trudging through the frozen wasteland atop their borrowed horses. A week has passed since their departure towards Ivarstead and still the group is nowhere near to the small mountain town than they were before. Ranma having enough of their wandering begins to complain at their bad fortune.
"Goddammit! It's been a week since we leaved Whiterun and we are still not there!"
Mousse, atop of his own horse, behind the pigtailed martial artist, plainly answers. "That is because we are lost without any doubt."
Lydia, who is sharing the same horse as Mousse, comments. "We would already be there if someone hadn't convinced us to let him be in charge of the map by making us take pity on him because he started to cry and bawl on the ground like a baby." She said while staring pointedly at Ryoga who was on his own horse.
The eternal lost boy stammered a bit with an embarassed look. "I... I… I don't remember it to have been like that."
Barbas, who was walking on the ground alongside the horses, answered. "Well that's exactly what happened and it was the most embarassing and pathetic thing I had ever seen in all my long eons of life, and I will never allow you to forget it and make sure to always remind you of it until the day you die."
"Although Ranma is at fault in here too, he's the one who accepted on giving the map to Ryoga." Mousse comments.
"Yes I know, it was a little mistake from my usual good judgement." The pigtailed martial artist replies arrogantly.
Mousse just gives him a flat stare. "One! You do not have a good judgement. And Two! Little mistake falls short to describe our situation." He said numbering with his fingers for emphasis.
Ranma simply shrugs non-chalantly. "Well… you only have to look at the good side of things then."
"WHAT GOOD SIDE!?" Mousse exclaims in exasperation.
"The good side is… We ran out of provisions." Ranma states with firmness.
Lydia just stares at him with a bemused look. "Please my Thane, could you iluminate me by telling me… How is it that running out of provisions and getting lost in a frozen forest while in the middle of a snowstorm can be considered a good thing?"
"Yeah I want to know that too. How can this be good?" Barbas said in agreement.
"Because there's a city right over there." Ranma simply answered as he pointed forward.
Lydia frowns in confusion. "You mean Windhelm? We've been in there like 3 times already! For some reason, everytime we get lost we always end up getting back in here."
"That's Ryoga's sense of direction for you." Ranma replied. "Anyway, as I was saying, the good thing is that we ran out of provisions in front of this city instead in the middle of nowhere."
Mousse begins to grumble under his breath. "Tsk… mmmph… Damn… You're right…"
"I'm always right." States Ranma egocentrically.
"That's not true!" Mousse retorts.
"Yes it is! As I was saying, all we have to do is get inside the city, buy some provisions and Voila!" Ranma said, opening his arms wide.
Barbas simply keeps staring at him with a flat look. "And with what money do you expect to pay for these provisions? If I remember correctly, we are poor."
Ranma thinks about it for a moment. "…Mmmph… We still have a couple of coins left from what we got at Bleak Falls Barrow, but I don't think it will be enough to secure provisions for another week or more. Asuming we don't get lost again."
"So how are we going to pay?" Lydia inquires.
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." Was Ranma's simple answer.
"I say we steal like last time." Barbas commented.
Ranma turns at the dog with indignation. "Hey! When have we stole anything so far!?"
Lydia gives him a flat look. "Last week, if you don't remember, you stole these horses that we are riding on… The same horses you had to threathen the first time we arrived in Windhelm to keep them from returning to their real owners."
-FLASHBACK!-
Ranma and his group arrive at the gates of Windhelm, after spending the last 3 days since leaving Whiterun lost because Ryoga caused them to feel pity enough to give him the map after he had thrown a tantrum and cried in the ground like a baby bacuse they didn't let him to be the one to guide the group.
"Gooddammit Ryoga! I knew we were bound to get lost if I let you be the one to lead the group." Ranma exclaimed in frustration.
"Shut it, Ranma! I just got a little confused with the names because I couldn't understand well their Kanjis, it will not happen again." The formerly pig cursed boy said in embarassment.
"Whatever! Luckily we seem to have found a city, might as well get inside and ask for directions." Ranma says.
The horse carrying Mousse and Lydia trots along. The young Housecarl then turns towards her Thane. "Why did you let him be the guide of the group again my Thane? Why didn't you assign your friend Mousse to do it instead? Or have your talking dog guide us in the right direction? I mean that is one of the reasons why you decided to bring him along from what you explained to me."
Ranma just keeps pushing his horse forward without any immediate reaction at his housecarl questions. "Well, Mousse has a vision worst than a bat, so giving the map to him is useless if he can't even see it in the first place." Screw you Ranma! Is heard from behind him. "And Barbas… Well, do you remember last time we let him take point? We almost drown when he led us into that river with strong currents just to see if we could survive being underwater for extended periods of time…"
"Hey, it was a valid interrogant!" The dog snaps at him. "I've seen you guys being able to take a dragon out of the sky on a single hit and now it turns out you three are Dovahkiin! I was just curious about what else are you capable of."
Ranma just keeps riding, unruffled by that little outburst. "My case in point. No offense Barbas, but I've seen the way you enjoy watching suffer the things and people we beat up. Like with the guards on Falkreath or all those other monsters in the forest. So I have my resevations on putting you in charge of guiding us anywhere. Most likely you will lead us to the edge of a cliff and make us fall down from it just to test if we are able to fly or something."
Barbas just turns at the pigtailed martial artist with a shocked expression. "How did you know I was going to try that next!?"
Lydia smartly refrained from commenting. "Oh look, we already reached the city my Thane." She called, changing the subject.
"Right, let's drop the horses at the stables and get inside the city already" Ranma says.
But the moment they get down of the horses, they realize something is wrong. As the horses turn their backs at them and begin to walk away on their own. Obviously this dosen't sits well with the pigtailed martial artist.
"Hey, What the hell!? Why are the horses bailing on us!?"
It is Lydia who helpfully answers his question. "That is because they are going back to their real masters."
"What!?" Says Ranma in confusion turning at the housecarl.
"Most horses in the empire are so well trained, that in case they are stolen, they are able to escape from their captors and go back to find their true masters on their own when presented with even the slightest of opportunities to do it." She explains plainly.
"You mean those horses are smart enough to go back home on their own. Oh, just great!" Ranma complains before going after the horses.
He brings them back, pulling them from the reins and leaving them in front of the stables again. "Now you stay here like a good horsie and wait for us to be done with our bussiness in the city."
But the horses are of another mind as they snort at the martial artist instructions and turned their back at him again to walk away once more.
Ranma was not pleased, and brings them back yet again. "Goddammit you stupid horses!" He goes after the equines and blocks their escape once more, a look of angry frustation on his face.
"Now you listen to me you overrated cow, you all either go back to the stables and wait for us over there or I'm going to chop you all into steaks and eat you tonight with Wasabi!" He threatens as he brings his fist down on a medium size rock at the edge of the road, pulverizing it on the first hit and leaving only small peebles.
The horses rear back in fear and huddle together to stare at Ranma in abject terror, their bodies assailed by violent shivers. They give a frantic nod before retreting back into the stables to escape the rage-fueled gaze of the pigtailed martial artist.
Ranma just gives a satisfied nod and dusts his hands off. "That's how you handle the cattle."
-END FLASHBACK-
Ranma just turns at Lydia with a beaming smile after the memory of that incident had passed. "No, you silly girl, you are wrong. We didn't steal any horses."
"Silly girl…" Lydia mutters under her breath in insulted disbelief. "Nevermind that. Then how do you call the way we acquire these horses?"
"Easy! We borrowed them… Without permission… And without a clear return date. That Lydia, is a lot different than stealing." Ranma states with a happy face. "As for the other thing, it was just a little matter of showing this boy over here who is the boss, isn't that right?" He says, patting the sides of the horse he is riding, the equine begins to make a pitiful whine of terror the moment he feels Ranma's hand on him, looking as if he's about to pass out because of the fear. Lydia just stares.
Ryoga passes casually through a side and mentions. "And if the borrowing without permission dosen't works, we can always go with Rag and ask him to let us join his band."
Mousse crosses his arms and huffs. "No! I refuse to work for a bandit."
"Bandits?" Lydia asks, puzzled. "I didn't know you knew people from the lower social circles."
"Ah, you speak of Rag?" Ranma states in a jovial tone. "Yes, we met him a few hours before we met Barbas."
"Yes, I also wonder how you met a talking dog." Lydia inquires.
Barbas replies at that, feeling insulted. "I have a name you know, much prettier than yours by the way."
Lydia just ignores him. "…Where did you say you met him?"
"I told you, we met him on the way back to Whiterun." Ranma reiterates and goes back to pay attention to the road.
"Just like that! You saw it at the side of the road and decided to adopt him, that's it?" Lydia questions in obvious skepticism.
Barbas turns at her and gives her a condescending look. "Don't be foolish, you've been around these guys long enough to know that they don't do things like that."
"Then tell me dog, how is it that you began to follow them around?" Says Lydia back to the canine.
"I've told you already! My name is Barbas!" The dog barks in irritation. "And as for the how… Easy, they stole me away from my previous owner. Or would that be kidnapped? Dognapped? I'm not so sure."
"They stole you!? Well, truth to be told, I'm not so surprised coming from them." Lydia mentioned with a shake of her head.
Ranma turns at her in affront. "Hey! I told you already we don't steal. We simply gave Barbas a new home without permission of his former owner first."
"That is home between quotation marks because we are so poor that we have no place where to sleep except the wilderness since we are also not wanted inside the two capital cities of two different holds of this country." The dog deadpanned in a dry tone.
"Details, details." Said Ranma in dismissal.
Lydia decided to get the conversation back on track. "So, who were you stolen from?" She asks to the dog.
"Ah, from Clavicus-Vile that is." The dog chirplyly replies.
Lydia had certainly not expected that answer and rears back in shock. "Woah, Woah, Woah… Wait a minute! Are you talking about Clavicus-Vile? The Daedra Prince!?" She asked in disbelief.
"Do you know any other?" The dog retorted.
"YOU STOLE FROM A DAEDRA PRINCE!" Lydia yelled in an outburst, turning at the trio of martial artists with a glare of a thousand hells and a demeanor to match.
"How many times must I tell you… We do not steal; we just take stuff without permission." Ranma casually replied.
"IT'S THE SAME THING!"
"Maybe, but the word stealing sounds so dirty." Ryoga mentions with his usual clueless face.
"I DON'T CARE! WHAT I CARE IS IF YOU REALLY STOLE FROM A DAEDRA PRINCE!" Says a demon-possesed Lydia with a burning stare.
"Well, yeah!" Mousse answers, uncaringly.
….!
Lydia remained silent for a few moments, trying to keep her temper from exploding. When she spoke again, it was in a very low and tense tone of voice. "So… what kind of punishment did he unleashed upon you as payback? Is that why you were cursed to change forms at the contact with water?"
"No, those we got a long time before even arriving in this country." Ranma replies in dismissal.
Again, Lydia remains quiet for a moment.
"….So… What did he do to you?"
It was Barbas who answered. "Well, nothing in reality since they didn't gave him any time to do something."
"How so?"
"Easy, they just simply destroyed his shrine." The dog states in an amused tone.
"THEY DID WHAT!?"
"Well we finally arrived." Declares Ranma, compleately ignoring Lydia's scandalized outburst.
"But you…!"
"I said we arrived!" Ranma replies, pretending the last conversation didn't happen.
Lydia relents for the moment. "Fine… But you and I are going to have words later about this."
"Whatever you say, let's just go and find some provisions already!" Replied the Pigtailed martial artist, putting an end to the issue.
+Inside Windhelm+
The group entered the city in search of supplies to buy, problem is that they forgot that Ryoga was still guiding them all and instead of finding the market, the group ended in the middle of a cementery in the heart of the city. Obviously, not one of them found their situation amusing, as it soon grew dark and they had yet to still find their way to the market.
Mousse simply took a look at their surroundings and commented. "…Mmmmph… I really don't think they sell food in this place Ryoga?"
"Goddammit! P-chan, thanks to you we got lost again!" Ranma raged in exasperation.
The bandana-wearing fighter turned at him in indignation. "Hey! Don't call me P-chan anymore Ranma! I'm not cursed anymore! Besides… this is just a small deviation, I mean you cannot fault me for taking the wrong turn, I haven't been in this place before." Mumbled Ryoga.
Ranma just sighs. "Then I guess it's up to me to remedy our situation. Everybody follow me, luckily for all of us, I know of a shortcut." He declares, proudly.
Barbas turns at him with a flat stare. "Shortcut…? Exactly, how by Azura can you know of a shortcut if you've never been on this parts before? The last few times we've been in this city we didn't go beyond the Inn at the entrance in case you don't remember."
Ranma didn't have a response to that.
…
"Ranma….?" Says Ryoga.
After a moment Ranma finally speaks. "Uh…? I hadn't realized that…" It was his lame excuse.
"Goddamit, Ranma!" Ryoga exclaims.
"Hey! At least I'm trying to find a way to fix our situation. We wouldn't be dealing with this in the first place if it wasn't for your shitty sense of direction. It seems is true what they say then… You can take the pig out of the moron, but he still remains an idiot that can get lost in a room with no windows and only one door!"
"You take that back!"
"Make me!"
The two of them began to bicker again, much to the annoyance of the rest of the group. Lydia was about to intervene when suddenly, Ryoga just snapped.
"THAT'S IT RANMA! TAKE THIS!" SHI SHI HOKODAN!
Ranma summersaults the ball of sickly deppressed energy which ends impacting a nearby tomb, causing it to explode and release a thick cloud of dust. It also caused the body of a dying woman that was being covered from view by the lapid to be revealed and strewn about due to the force of the impact, alongside her attacker who was still there finishing his grizzly work.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Ow! What the blazes in oblivion!?" Exclaimed a very suspicious hooded individual, carrying a bloody knife as he got back from his feet after being thrown to the ground by the shockwave. The cloaked figure, seeing he was not alone decided to turn tail and run the hell away from the crime scene.
"Calm down porker! There's no reason to go all crazy for just a little comment." Ranma says as he lands.
Ryoga just sneers at him. "We wouldn't be fighting if you weren't such an assho…"
"Wait a minute! What is THAT!?" Ranma says, interrupting Ryoga as he pointins at something.
"What is what?" Barbas is the first to ask.
"THAT!" Ranma remarks, still pointing in the direction of the dust cloud.
When the dust finally settles, everybody is able to see the crumbled form of a woman under a heap of rubble.
Lydia takes a look and speaks. "That seems to have the form of a…"
"PERSON!" Ranma interrupts.
Ryoga immediately becomes anxious. "AH! Please! Tell me she's ok!"
Barbas approaches the body to inspect it and shakes his head. "Nope… She is pretty much dead, just like your future…"
Ranma points at Ryoga accusingly. "You killed an innocent Ryoga, you're a murderer!"
Ryoga panics. "Oh My God! I killed an innocent!"
"Snap out of it, Ryoga!" Ranma approaches and bitch-slaps Ryoga in the face. "You must calm down; everything is going to be OKAY!"
"The best we can do is hiring a good lawyer." Mousse comments off-handedly.
Ranma is of the same idea. "Yes, say it was and accident or self defense, or better yet! You should claim temporary dementia and make people believe you're insane."
Lydia squints her eyes as she turns to look at Ryoga with a suspicious stare. "Isn't he already…?"
Ranma looks at her. "Seriously Lydia? Can't you stop from being sarcastic for only one second?" He asks, raising a finger.
The housecarl makes a good impression of considering the words of the pigtailed fighter seriously. "Let me think… Mmmmph… Nope…" Normally Lydia would act in a more professional and stoic manner but the last week of being lost in the woods with only these three idiots and a snarky dog as company has extinguished any kind of patience or consideration she may have had for her new Thane and his friends.
By this point, Ryoga is crying. "I Don't Want To Go To Jail!"
Lydia just shrugs in puzzlement. "I fail to see what the problem is. Not that I'm saying murdering someone is not a serious thing… But this is not the first time you people commit a crime, I mean just take for example what you did last week. I'm pretty sure that knocking unconcious and sending to the hospital the entire city watch garrison of Whiterun, alongside the Jarl and his bodyguards, is a more serious crime. And instead of locking you all up in jail, you ended up becoming a Thane." She explained, finishing by tossing a look at Ranma.
"Yeah, but that was not murder." Ryoga pointed out.
Ranma picked up after him. "And we don't beat innocent people. If we have beaten anybody is because they deserved it."
"Oh yeah?" Lydia says sarcastically. "The how about that farmer in the outskirts of Whiterun's Hold to whom you destroyed his house and leaved him destitute?" She asks demandingly, lifting an eyebrow in skepticism.
"He was being an unreasonable cunt towards that little poor clown who had just lost his mother and all he wanted was to fix his wagon, so he could be on his way to bury her and give her proper sepulture!" Ranma exclaimed back, lifting both arms in the air.
"You mean the creepy weirdo that spoke as if he wanted to have sex with the corpse of his own mother? The same corpse that exuded some serious bad vibes that scared all animals in the vicinity and killed all the grass around the coffin by virtue of simply being standing there?" Mousse said in the plainest tone he could muster.
"It wasn't that bad, it was just probably poor maintenance of the body. It was only the little clown on his lonesome who was in charge of his mother's coffin after all…" Ranma replied dismissively.
"Even Barbas didn't wanted to get close to that coffin and you know how much he likes when we spread death and destruction!" Mousse complained, raising his voice.
"We do not spread death!" Ranma replied heatedly.
"But you do spread destruction, and misery… And pain…" Lydia commented.
"Life is a series of struggles, the more hardship you overcome the stronger you become for it!" Ranma said faux-philosophically, crossing his arms with a huff.
"And you didn't even help that jester to fix his wagon in the end. You just destroyed the house of the farmer whose lands where the coffin had become stranded belonged to because you didn't liked the way he refused to lend you some tools to fix the wagon and demanded for all of us to get out of his property…" Lydia continued unimpeded, ignoring Ranma's previous comment.
"Why are you always blaming me for everything that happens?" Ranma complain. "It wasn't even me who destroyed that farm, it was Ryoga with his Bakusai Tenketsu!"
"That man was insulting me by saying I had rocks for brains after I tried to stop him and Ranma from screaming at each other!" Ryoga interjected.
"But you did knock him out with a single punch after he began to threaten us with sicking the guard of Whiterun after our asses. You just laughed in his face, told him the guards were useless since you had already neutralized the entire guard of the city and then you smashed your fist in his face!" Lydia declared, becoming more and more frustrated.
Barbas meanwhile, was ignoring their antic of his companions and keeps examination the body of the dead woman in the graveyard. "…Mmmph… There's something wrong about this cor…"
"Hey! What is all that racket!?" A rough voice says from behind the group, they all turn to see a trio of guards walking in their direction, going down through the stairs under an arc that marks one of the entrances of the small cementery.
"What is going on in here!?" Asks the guard on the lead.
Ranma casually answered him trying not to draw any suspicion. "Errr…. Nothing officer, nothing is going on here. My friend over here didn't in the barest minimum killed someone." …And failing miserably.
"Killed?" Asked one of the other guards.
And then the last one pointed at the corpse. "Look! There's a body over here."
"What is the meaning of this!?" Demanded the lead guard.
Ryoga obviously couldn't withstand the pressure. "I SWEAR BY GOD IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"
The second guard just stares at him. "I see… Sir, you're going to have to come with us."
Ryoga begins to stamer and sweat bullets at that. "G-g-g-g… Going with you…?"
Mousse pats him in the shoulder. "Don't worry Ryoga; I'll visit you in your cell…. Well maybe not, but I will certainly write you. Although ink is expensive and right now we are pretty poor…"
Lydia turns at Ryoga. "I wish you the best of luck in jail."
Now Ryoga is letting tears to flow freely. "(sniff…) But I don't wanna go to jail."
"You should have thought of that before you decided to kill someone." Ranma admonishes.
"BUT I DIDN'T WANTED TO!"
"Enough! Start walking already!" The last guard orders.
"NO! STAY BACK!" Ryoga yells retreating from the guards.
The second guard unsheates his sword and starts approaching Ryoga. "This is your only warning. Come with us peacefully or else…"
"NO! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" Ryoga declares, before punching the armed guard in his helmeted face and flooring him; then he turned tail and ran the fuck away.
Obviously the other two guards were not happy with that development. "NO! That bastard has struck down our partner! After him!"
"SOUND THE ALARM!"
Barbas stares at the escalating chase. "I don't know what the big deal is? I mean the poor bastard he punched was nobody important. He was just some nameless grunt."
"Run P-Chan, Run!" Ranma called after Ryoga enjoying the unfolding chaos, for once this sort of thing is happening to someone else.
The voice of Ryoga could be heard at the distance.
-DAMN YOU RANMA! BECAUSE OF YOU I'VE SEEN HELL!-
"Good luck on your life as a fugitive!" Called Mousse after the eternal lost boy.
Lydia just stares at the pair of them. "Don't you plan on helping him?"
Mousse turns and gives her an odd look. "Eh? Why should we…?"
"Isn't he your friend?" Asks Lydia, shocked at their callousness and lack of concern.
"What? Ryoga? No. What makes you think that?" Ranma says nonchalantly.
"Then what is he to you…?" Lydia akwardly inquires.
"An ally of convenience." It was Ranma's shameless answer.
"So you're not going to help him?"
Mousse shakes his head. "No, besides he was asking for it…"
!
Back to Ryoga, we find him running with a lot of guards hot on his heels.
-STOP HIM! DON'T LET HIM ESCAPE!-
"Dear Kami, where is the exit from this place!" Ryoga asks under his breath as he once again got lost among the streets and alleways of Windhelm.
Turning on a wrong alley, he finds his path blocked by a dead-end.
"Ack! This is just want I needed, a dead-end! Damn you Ranma, this is all your fault!" Ryoga rages as he finds himself suddenly surrounded by guards.
-THERE HE IS-
-SURRENDER NOW, YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED-
Fear and desparation make way for rage and Ryoga suddenly launches himself at the guards. "AAAARGH! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
Ryoga then starts punching guards, sending them flying and leaving them unconcious.
-CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS! HE'S TOO STRONG!-
-QUICKLY WE NEED HELP IN HERE! WE HAVE CORNERED THE BUTCHER OF WINDHELM!-
"I SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Yells Ryoga as he keeps pounding guards.
!
Meanwhile with the rest of the group, Barbas was making a discovery.
"Hey what is this?"
Ranma turns at the dog. "What's the matter Barbas?"
"It's the corpse." Points out the canine.
"What about it?" Lydia asks.
"It has stabs wounds all around her stomach and her chest has been carved open."
Mousse turns at him in surprise. "What! That is not possible… Ryoga's energy attack should not have been able to do that kind of wounds."
Barbas keeps checking the corpse. "And judging by the fine-line surgical cuts that point out the use of a razor-sharp curved blade, these injuries were inflicted by someone with a great deal of medical and anatomical knowledge as the faint trails of dribbling blood tell me this woman was still alive and conscious while her chest was cut open and has just died very recently due to blood loss. Which explains all this mess all over the ground." The canine declares, doing a rather convincing impersonation of a forensics detective as he turned his head over all the giant pools and trails of blood smeared upon the cobblestone. "My bet will be on someone who works on dead bodies like an embalmer or a mortuary or something like that…"
"Blood loss!" Lydia remarks astounded. "Then that would mean that…"
"Ryoga couldn't have killed her!" Ranma finished for her. "Which makes sense since he is not that smart in the first place!" He added in the same breath, rubbing salt in the wound in that uncaring casual way of his.
"So, the retard is innocent? Man what a downer!" Mousse remarked in dissapointment.
"Quickly, let's go find him since I'm missing all the havoc he's wrecking!" Said Barbas with a tone of urgency.
Ranma gave him a dubious look "Right… Let's go people!" Before bouncing in search of the eternal lost boy.
!
Meanwhile, inside Windhelm's Palace…
An old soldier wearing a bear pelt over his head and a horrible scar running through the side of his face and over a milky white eye, Galmar Stone-fist, approaches the throne of the Jarl of Windhelm with a sense of urgency.
"My Jarl!"
"What is it Galmar?" Says the Jarl of Windhelm and leader of the stormcloak rebellion, Ulfric Stormcloak.
"I bring news my lord! The butcher of Windhelm that's been terrorizing the city and killing women for the past week has finally been found!" The old soldier declares much to the surprise of his Jarl.
"Those are excellent news!" Ulfric exclaims ecstatic.
"On the contrary my lord, these are terrible news! The entire guard is unable to bring him down; he is rampaging throughout the entire city with our forces unable to stop him!" Galmar replies with startled dread.
"What? How is that posible!?" Ulfric demands, pressing for answers.
"You see my lord; it seems the butcher turned out to be quite formidable in battle, not even the entire city guard is able to withstand his onslaught. He fights as if he were Talos himself, once he starts to hear the drums of battle; nothing seems to be able to stop him!" Galmar explains with terrified awe.
"I found it hard to believe what you're telling me…" Ulfric replies with a stumped expression, unwilling to consider the possibility that such formidable warrior could be real.
"But my lord! I saw him as I was leaving the Inn. It was such a terrible thing to see our warriors fall like flakes in a snow storm against this man!" The old veteran exclaims with a look of abject terror.
Jarl Ulfric turns pensive for a moment. "I see… So what do you suggest I should do?"
"I suggest you should call for the troops and rally the militia! That man is too dangerous to be allowed to escape and roam freely through our lands!" Galmar replied decisively.
…..
The Jarl simply remains quiet in thought.
"Please your highness, when has my advice ever leaded you astray…?" Galmar pleads kneeling towards the throne and circling the armchair with his hands as Ulfric observes him stoically.
The Jarl of Windhelm finally concedes after a moment. "Very well… But if we must act then it must be now! Every second we waste is another chance for the butcher to get away!"
"Thank you my lord!" Galmar bows his head in gratitute.
Ulfric gives him a look. "What are you waiting for…! GO RALLY THE MEN!"
"Yes my lord!" Galmar replies before leaving the throne room in a hurry.
Ulfric rises from his throne and grabs his trusty sword resting on a side. He unsheates it and brings it up to admire it. "I will personally confront this avatar of Talos…" He declares, before leaving the palace with an entire compliment of guards.
!
Meanwhile, we have Ryoga running aimlessly around the city while he fights against the guards.
"Why don't you stop following me and leave me alone!" He yells as he punches a guard in his helmeted face and knocks him out.
'That must the 42nd guard I knock out and yet they still keep coming' He thinks to his insides. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"SURRENDER YOU MAD KILLER!" It was the only reply he got from the guards.
Ryoga begins to whine and tear up. "Why me!?"
Ranma appears out of nowhere running towards Ryoga and manages to catch on him.
"Yo' Ryoga! Wait up!"
"Ranma!" Ryoga exclaims, turning at his long lasting rival with a hopeful happy face, tears brimming and threating to spill from his eyes. "Did you come to help me escape!?"
"No." It was the blunt reply, shattering all of Ryoga's expectations rather jarringly.
Ryoga's gaze falls down alongside his mood, becoming all depressed, tormented, super-sad and emo at the same time… and strangely enough, dangerously pissed too… "If you didn't come to help me escape…? THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"
Ranma huffs and turns his face aside, insulted at Ryoga's attitude. "Well you fucking ingrate, I came here running all the way like a goddamn imbecile just to tell you that there's no need for you to keep running from the guards!"
Ryoga stops cold on his tracks, alongside Ranma, causing everybody that was following them to do the same. Which in hindsight was a pretty bad idea as running at high speeds and then suddenly stopping in a city were the floor was nothing more but ice cold frozen cobblestone will cause most people to slip. Unless they have some pretty advanced balance training like Ranma, but as it is…
"WATCH OUT!"
CRASH!
Many of the chasing guards ended up falling to the ground face-first, and hitting their heads with the hard-frozen cobblestone, knocking themselves out and getting in the way for the rest of their comrades coming behind them, causing quite the unbelievable congestion that the entire street became cluttered with the bodies of guards unable to move.
"What do you mean there's no need for me to keep running from the guards" Ryoga asked, oblivious to the mess they had just caused.
"Well, you see… Turns out Barbas has some pretty nifty investigation skills straight out of one of those CSI shows… You do know what I'm talking about, right? Have you seen any of those shows before?" Ranma asked before continuing with his explanation.
"Yes, I've seen them before!" Ryoga replied a bit testy. "So, you're telling me he managed to find out that the woman managed to survive my attack?" He asked hopeful.
"Nope, she's dead as a corpse…" Ranma simply replied unconcerned, shattering every single hope of Ryoga who began to get all depressed and emo. "But he managed to discover it wansn't you who killed her but somebody else…"
"Really!?"
"Yeah, the woman had been stabbed like a thousand times, and according to Barbas had died because of blood loss." Ranma explained.
"Really!? She was stabbed that many times!?" Ryoga asks in shock at the incredible amount of wounds, just what kind of brutal beast could do that to a helpless woman…?
"Well, I might have exaggerated a little with the number of stabs…" Ranma admitted. "But she had as a many holes as a Swiss cheese."
"Then that means I'm not guilty of her murder!" Ryoga said as he brought his hands to his chest in relief.
"Yup…"
"That means I'm innocent!"
"Innocent? You…? I wouldn't exaggerate that much; I can think of many things you are guilty off… But if you are talking about committing this particular murder, then yes, you're innocent." Ranma said.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" A strong, grave voice said from behind the two martial artists.
Ryoga and Ranma turned around, a shared look of complete beffudlement on their faces. "Huh?"
The duo find at least a hundred of armed guards lined in front of them, clad in mail and heavy armor and wielding all kinds and variety of weapons. At the lead, a man clad in armor and wearing the head of a bear as a helmet while its fur laid drapped over his shoulders as a cape, stood alongside another armored bearded man wearing a crown over his head. Both men wielded terrible and impressive Great-axes.
Ranma blinked in recognition as he got the feeling he had met the crowned man before. He pointed a finger at him. "Wait a minute… I'm sure I've seen you before…"
"Aye, it's true. If I remember correctly, you two are the ones who fought against the Imperial dogs the day I was about to be executed in Helgen, allowing me to free myself from my chains and make for my escape when that dragon attacked…" Ulfric Stormcloak said with a referential nod.
"Ah yes… That's true." Ranma iddly confirmed as he gullibly scratched his chin in thought. "What was your name again? I can't remember very well at the moment…"
"My name is…"
"No, wait! Don't tell me! I think I got it…" Ranma said, interrupting Ulfric before he was able to finish speaking. "You're Sulfuric Storm- or something like that…" He said lamely, clearly having forgotten the name of Windhelm's Jarl.
"No, actually my name is…"
"Wait, wait…! I think I finally remember… You're Bullshit Stormshadow!"
Ulfric, really didn't know how to react to the ignorant butchering of his name. "Errr… No, I'm…"
Ryoga interrupted. "No Ranma, you're wrong. How can you believe he's named like that when it's obvious that his true name is Grumpy Starstruck!"
…. -_-
"Ah, yes… It seems you're right." Ranma admitted, agreeing with Ryoga. "I'm sorry for having forgotten your name Grumpy… So, tell us, what are you doing in here?"
…. -_-
"How dare such dirty murdering verming like you two speak in such disrespectful way towards the true High King of Skyrim, his majesty Ulfric Stormcloak!" The Old man in the bearskin exclaimed with great affront.
Ulfric tried to calm the heathed tempers with all the dignity of someone of noble birth. "Easy Galmar, if it wasn't for these two, I would have never gained the opportunity to escape from the clutches of the empire or from the fury of Dragon that anihilated Helgen…"
"But my lord!" Galmar protested. "These bastards have been butchering our people in many inhumane ways!"
"You are right in that respect." Ulfric admitted. "But since they saved my life once in the past, I'll give them a chance to explain their actions before me right on this very moment before deciding what their punishment will be. Is that clear!?" He asked to his right-hand man with unyielding authority.
…
"I said, is that clear!"
… "Yes sir…" Galmar obeyed grudgingly through gritted teeth.
"Very well then… Now my friends…" The lord of Windhelm said, turning towards Ranma and Co. "Please explain to me why have you been terrorizing my city and beating up my guards…?"
"What…!? We haven't been terrorizing anybody!" Ranma declared mildly insulted and crossing his arms in a petulant posture.
"I beg to differ…" Barbas said as he came out from an alley accompanied by Lydia and Mousse. "You lot don't do anything that is not putting the fear of Akatosh inside the hearts of the inhabitants of every city, village, farm and hamlet that we visit…"
"Barbas, what are you doing here…?" The pig-tailed martial artist asked as he turned towards the talking dog.
"I heard the cries of people agonizing in great pain, so I couldn't resist from coming and see what was happening..." Barbas cheekily replies as he looks at his surroundings and takes notice of all the beat up and unconscious guards. "Ugh… All these grunts are stiff as boards! I wanted to see them writhing in the floor in agony, seems I was too late because no one is fighting anymore and instead you're all just standing there talking and trying to use…" The dog starts acting as if he had swallowed a lemon and turns to a side to spit while he shivers. "Diplomacy… Eeek! It even gives me the creeps to say that word!"
"Do not worry, I'm pretty sure everybody will start fighting again in a few minutes…" It was Lydia deadpan and sarcastic reply.
"Yup, that's for sure…" Mousse agreed.
"You promise…? Yay!" Barbas exclaimed like a kid inside a candy store.
Ulfric then surreptitiously, and without raising any suspicion, turned towards his closest confidant between whispers. "Psst. Galmar, tell me something…"
"Yes, sir?"
"Did that dog just talk!? Or did we hit the mead harder than we thought last night?"
"It does appear that the dog does have the capacity of speech my lord…"
"By Talos…!"
"Don't worry about Barbas talking, he's a magical dog. Long story, unimportant." Ranma said, addressing both the Jarl and his housecarl.
"How did you hear us…!? We were speaking in whispers." Ulfric asked, rather impressed at Ranma's incredible hearing.
"I have a good nose…" It was the simple answer of the aqua-transsexual.
"That doesn't make any sense!" Galmar exclaimed, dumbfounded.
"You don't make any sense!" Ranma snapped back, pointing accusatorily.
…?…
"Err... Alright, but can you proceed with the answer to my original question." Ulfric said, wisely deciding to ignore the antics of the pig-tailed boy.
"Ah yes… As I was saying, we haven't terrorized nobody, and we sure haven't committed any crime during our stay in this city…" Ranma stated with all the confidence in the world.
"Except resisting an arrest…" Barbas interjected sarcastically.
"Beating the law enforcement officers of almost the entire city…" Mousse said next.
"Damaging public…" Lydia began.
"And private…" Barbas added.
"Property." She finalized.
"Deface a crime scene and steal from the police…" Mousse continued.
"Wait a minute! At which moment did we steal from the police!?" Ranma asked with a puzzled expression.
"On the way here we say many guards lying unconscious in the floor and the dog suggested we looted them for their possessions." Lydia helpfully answered promptly.
"I told you many times that my name is Barbas!" Said dog exclaimed with great offense. "Besides, I don't know what you're complaining about since you damn well know that we need money if we want to spend the night in an inn, or at the very least to buy some real food for us. I've had enough of eating Dremora-cursed roots all day or those wild berries that the crying idiot found for us that make me do nothing more but to crap water…"
"Yes, that's true. Plus, those discarded swords were just begging for a new owner to come and pick them up…" Mousse comment in agreement with the dog, no sarcasm whatsoever.
Ranma simply turns back towards Ulfric as if he hadn't heard anything of what had just been said. "Well, besides all that, we are practically innocent…!"
"Then how do you explain the corpses of all the women that have been murdered…?" Ulfric testily retorted.
"Someone, I don't know who (probably the real killer) has it against me from the beginning and tried to incriminate me by making everybody believe I had killed that woman in that alley…" Ryoga countered, his logic making perfect sense to his own ears.
Obviously, he didn't convinced anybody in the least. "Sure…." Lydia commented with boundless sarcasm.
"But is true, Ranma just told me that Barbas checked the body and found it riddled with stab wounds. And since I carry no weapons other than this (He raises on of his fists while pointing at it with his other hand) with me since I have no need of them, then I couldn't have killed her!" Ryoga stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"That is actually a really compelling argument, I saw how this boy tore through our ranks with his bare hands. He certainly has no need for weapons if he is capable of decimating entire armies using only his fists…" One of the guards standing idly by the side commented, his entire semblance showing his awe and dread.
"Yes, maybe you didn't personally kill her, but you did maul her body really badly." Mousse interrupted with all the grace and tact of a drunk hippo. "Seriously, such a lack of respect for the recently departed, I don't even want to know what kind of sick pleasure it brought you to deface the corpse of a poor old deceased lady…" He chided in a tut-tut disappointed tone of voice. Obviously, everybody in the vicinity who heard him, accurately pegged Mousse of being an asshole on purpose. Ryoga, however, because he is a credulous fool took his words seriously.
"She wasn't that old! She seemed of just the right age for plucking if I'm being honest…" Barbas interjected but nobody deemed to comment on that.
"N-no! That wasn't my intention! I didn't even know there was a dead old lady hidden among the graves of the cemetery when I caused to explode by accident!" The eternally lost boy complained in alarm.
"Listen to yourself talking! You didn't expect for a cemetery to have dead people…?" Barbas exclaimed with an incredulous stare. "By Azura, you're an idiot!"
"How can you make a graveyard explode by accident?" One of the many random guards present wondered aloud, but he was ignored.
"Hey! That's not what I meant! And don't call me an idiot!" Ryoga called back, his face turning all red in shame and anger.
"Enough! I have heard all I needed to know!" Ulfric exclaimed, interrupting any further bickering.
"You have come to a decision my Jarl…?" Galmar inquired in a respectful and subservient tone of voice.
"Yes, I have!" Ulfric declared imperiously, he turned towards the three stooges. He pointed at Ryoga menacingly. "You!"
"Me!" The former pig-boy exclaimed frantically, pressing both of his hands to his chest.
"After all I have just heard, I am of the mind of believing that you did not committed this murder you've been accused of, after all you and your friends did helped me to escape from Helgen with my life after that dragon attacked and you also attempted to stop those Imperial lapdogs from executing me before that, so I am willing to give you the benefit of doubt." Ulfric said magnanimously.
"Thanks mister Stormshadow, you are a real friend!" Ranma exclaimed out loud with a happy wave, which kinda pissed off most of the guards who were listening (and Galmar) And also caused one of the eyebrows in Ulfric's face to start twitching in irritation at the butchering of his name.
"However, it is clear you are still guilty of tampering with a crime scene, destroying evidence, defiling the deceased and attacking my guards. So, you'll still have to serve some time for your crimes!" Ulfric stated in an authoritatively tone.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Please have mercy! Don't send me to jail!" Ryoga wailed, throwing himself to his knees ion a rather dramatic fashion and started to cry.
Ranma punched him in the back of the head, unable to withstand the pathetic sight. "Knock it off P-chan, you're making me feel embarrassed just by watching you." He said without a trace of empathy.
"Ouch! Ranma, you heartless prick! This is all your fault!" Ryoga exclaimed, finding a focus for his frustrations.
"Enough the both of you!" Ulfric commanded bringing the ensuing spat to and before it could gather steam. "My orders are absolute! You will be apprehended and brought to jail for he crimes you've committed. "Not only you have attacked my men and brought chaos into my city, but your actions might have also cost us an important lead to find and stop an ice-cold blooded murderer that has been terrorizing the city for the past week and has already claimed the lives of three victims! Thanks to you for having destroyed an important crime scene, a heartless killer might well be able to escape from justice and remain at large to continue carving a path of senseless slaughter! And that… That is unforgivable… And thus, you must pay for such a terrible transgression…" The Jarl of Windhelm said in such a grave voice, that even the three idiots didn't dare to start quarreling with one of their usual antics.
Serious looks of their own that rivaled that of Ulfric himself, fell upon the faces of the three martial artists. "As much as I am loath of interrupting your speech lord Ulfric, would you mind explaining us what this news about a killer on the loose are?" Mousse asked, showing a decent amount of reverence and maintaining a respectful tone by using the Jarl's real name in order to secure more information.
Ulfric nodded at the proper address and then let out a tired sigh as he elaborated further about such a dark subject. "For the past week the bodies of young women have been discovered lying unmoving in public places, sporting brutal and savage wounds all over their abdomens and chests, while the rest of their bodies and limbs show deep lacerations inflicted on them. Clearly whoever committed these deeds is a very disturbed and sick bastard! So far, no clues that could tell us who is responsible of these acts have been found and the people of this fair city grow restless at the thought of a serial killer roaming the streets with impunity. You can feel it if you pay attention, the fog of dread that has fallen upon Wildhelm and that's slowly but surely choking all joy from the people who now fear walking the streets at night even in groups and have turned to bolting themselves in their own homes waiting with waited breaths for news of a new victim!" The Jarl declared with great outrage showing clearly in his features, appalled and frustrated at their inability to stop this serial killer.
"Three women! Three young women in the prime of their lives have fallen victim to this madman in a single week! The body you found in the graveyard being the last victim!" Ulfric declared, raising three fingers for emphasis. "If we do not stop this murderer soon, I fear the city will soon fall into chaos as citizens will try to flee from the slaughter in droves with no regards for their own safety…"
Just like the fiasco with the vampires on Clavicus-Vile's cave, a deep serious expression was carved on Ranma's face, as the entire weight of the situation slammed upon it. Even Ryoga looked pretty disturbed by all that the Jarl of Windhelm was telling them.
"If what you're telling us is true, then why haven't you ordered the city guards to track down and apprehend this killer!?" Ranma demanded, an accusatory tone in his voice.
"I gave the order as soon as the first victim was discovered." Ulfric replied, but then his face fell, and he shook his head in dismay. "But they have had very little success in finding clues about the killer's identity, with most of my forces focusing on the current war with the empire, the small token force holding Windhelm is barely able to keep the peace in the city, let alone carry an investigation to track down the culprit…"
"I see…" Ranma neutrally said, giving no indication of what he was thinking.
"We must help them Ranma!" Ryoga suddenly spoke, addressing the pig-tailed martial artist. "If the guards can't handle this killer, then it is our duty as, martial artists to track him down and stop him!"
"I know that Ryoga! It's just that it doesn't sit well with me that an entire city is left to defend by itself against a cold-blooded killer without any help because of politics!" The aqua-transsexual exclaimed, fuming in irritation.
"We are not the ones who started this war! It was those damn Imperials, under the orders of their Thalmor Masters, who started this conflict when they tried to arrest me and keep me from claiming my right as the next High King of Skyrim after I won the honor duel against the late king Torrygg!" Ulfric declared, affronted.
"I don't know… I've heard you used that Thu'um voice magic-thingy that the Greybeards taught you to win your duel, that doesn't seem a pretty honorable thing to do, especially against a simple man with no magical skills whatsoever…" Ranma replied, assuming a pondering expression.
"Nonsense! The duel didn't forbid the use of any kind of weapon or spell as long as they were indigenous to Skyrim. And what is most traditional than the magic that the greatest heroes in our history used to achieve their greatest feats! The magic that Tiber Septim, Talos himself used to conquer all regions of Tamriel and found the Empire!?" Ulfric said, a sense of proud patriotism swelling in his chest.
Ranma was actually considering that answer. "Mmmmph… Well… If it wasn't specifically forbidden, and if there is already precedent of using magic in a duel… Well okay, I suppose I can't complain about that… God knows I too am not squeamish of using every advantage I can get to win a fight... It's just common sense…" He stated with a self-satisfied nod.
"Common sense or just plain cheating you mean…?" Mousse interjected with a sarcastic barb.
"If you're not cheating, you're not trying!" Ranma shamelessly replied immediately.
Most wanted to facepalm. "Then why are you complaining about the Jarl cheating in a duel, when you're just as much of a prick as him if not more!" He all but wailed.
"Hey! As much as I tend to make sure the odds are always in my favor beforehand, I've never gotten innocent people killed as collateral because of that!" Ranma answered, mildly affronted.
"That's mostly the Imperials fault for interfering with internal matters pertaining exclusively to Skyrim…!" Ulfric stated, feeling mildly embarrassed.
"What do you mean you've never killed people?" Mousse complained. "What about the phoenix king you fought at Jusenkyo, or those vampires and their thralls you killed in that cave where we got the dog?" He all but accused.
"My name is Barbas, Daedra-dammit!" Said dog exclaimed, feeling insulted.
"First of all… One! Phoenix-boy could will himself back to life even if I killed him because he is a goddamn phoenix you blind son of a bitch! I could smash his head open with a rock like a Melon and he would be up back again like nothing had happened the next moment because that's his whole stick as a phoenix!" Ranma all but yelled, raising a finger to count his points for emphasis. "And two…! You cunt! How you dare to use our fiasco with the vampires against me! You know it was fucked up that I had no other choice but to kill all the vampires and their thralls because their minds were too far gone by the spell the blood-suckers had used to enslave them!"
Mousse stood silent for a second, but then he dipped his head to apologize. "You're right it was fucked up, I know I am an uncaring bastard most of the time and I would give a fig about other people on a normal basis, but damn… What those vampires had done to those poor miserable wretches… Disgusting…" He said with a shake of his head, genuine revulsion in his expression.
"You killed vampires before!?" Galmar asked in surprise.
Ranma nodded, a serious expression on his face. "There was an entire coven of the damned bloodsuckers hidden in a cave on the southern reaches of Falkreath, we… I killed them all… I couldn't stand what they had done to the poor people they had taken as slaves…" He said with a haunted, disturbed semblance.
"An entire coven! Damn those parasites! Here we are trying to defend our home land from the unlawful invasion of the imperials and those bloodsuckers simply strode in on their leisure to feed upon our wounded brothers and sisters! Blasted scum!" Galmar exclaimed with great outrage as if it were a personal insult towards him.
Ulfric nodded grimly. "Indeed, from my experience, where there is one vampire there will be many more lying in wait, hiding in the shadows. No doubt they were attracted by the blood of the battlefields, we had to deal with the same problem during the war against the Thalmor ten years ago. Without a doubt there will be more vampire covens that will need to be dealt with, following after the footsteps of the one you destroyed. They are worse than locusts… This are some disturbing news you bring to us, as if we hadn't enough in our plate fighting the Imperials, tracking this mad serial killer and defend ourselves from the return of the Dragons… Now we have also a potential vampire infestation in our hands…" The Jarl of Windhelm said in a tired weary tone.
"We'll take care of stopping this serial killer for you, I don't want to get involved in a war driven by politics, but me and my friends are capable of killing the Dragons since it turned out we three are dragonborn, so we'll deal with them as we run across their scaly hides one by one…" Ranma replied, a little bit of confidence seeping back into his semblance.
"You three are Dragonborn…?" Ulfric says with no small degree of disbelief.
Ranma flicked his head and pointed back over his shoulder. "We killed a dragon that was harassing Whiterun like a week ago or so, somehow we ended up eating his soul. Not sure how that works, one moment we were standing over the body of the overgrown lizard and then all of the sudden it starts to glow and begins to dissolve into bones and the next thing I know we are able to blow people away with a shout." He explained with a dumbfounded expression.
Ulfric became pensive for a moment. "So, it's true… We have heard rumors about a Dragonborn rising to fight against the threat brought by the Dragons. To think it would be you three my friends… That would explain the summons, you did hear the Greybeards calling for your presence right…?" He asks with a pointed look.
Ranma just shrugs uncaringly. "The loud-ass growl that told us to go and climb the tallest mountain around these parts…? Yeah, we heard that. We were on our way towards this town called Ivarstead, but we got lost thanks to this fool!" He says pointing at Ryoga.
"Hey, don't call me a fool Ranma!" The former pig-cursed boy exclaimed in affront.
"Shut up! I should have known better than to allow you to read the map, you moron can't even take two steps in a straight line without turning around and going the other way!" Ranma accused in response. Ryoga was starting to get incensed but Ranma beat him to the punch by raising three fingers. "Three times! Three consecutive times we have ended up stumbling back into this city after getting lost in those frozen-ass woods! And whose fault it was because he is incapable of telling the difference between left and right!?" The pigtailed boy raged, crossing his arms and giving a pointed look at Ryoga that demanded an explanation.
Ulfric and the rest of his guards, unwilling to believe such extremely lousy sense of direction could possibly be real, turned painfully slowly towards the fanged brawler and gave him focused flat looks, an uncomfortable silence fell upon the street.
Ryoga blushed and scratched his cheek in embarrassment. "Errr… It was just an honest mistake…" The silence simply stretched further after such a lame excuse.
"By Talos! The dog was right, you truly are an idiot, boy!" Galmar exclaimed, stupefied.
"Hey!"
Ranma shook his head, having enough of all these idiocies. "As I said, we will take care of this serial killer problem for you, but in exchange we want you to drop the charges against Ryoga and allow us to continue with our journey towards Ivarstead in peace once the time comes for us to leave the city…"
"And how are you supposed to track the killer down if you destroyed all evidence when you blew up the crime scene." Ulfric astutely asks, with viable reason.
Ranma lifted a finger, but then he just stood there instead of saying anything, unable to come up with an appropriate answer. "Damn… I didn't think about that…"
Bartbas rolled his eyes. "Of course, you didn't, luckily for you we remained behind in what was left of the crime scene to look for clues. There were some witnesses who told us it was some shady looking hooded figure who killed that woman and made his escape after Ryoga blew everything up. We tried to track him down and found a blood trail that led us to an abandoned manor, but we couldn't enter since the main door was locked with key and I was more curious about the roaring cries of pain and mayhem that were heard at the distance and decided to follow those in search of you and rocks-for-brains here…" The dog explained, gesturing towards the two martial artists with a jerk of his neck.
"I don't have rocks-for-brains!" Ryoga complained but was ignored.
"Aha! That sounds a clue to me if I ever heard of one! So, you see, we do have a way to track the killer after all. So, what do you say Wulfrid? (Ulfric! The Jarl replied) That's what I said! We capture the killer for you and you show some leniency to Ryoga for being an idiot? (Hey!)" The pigtailed teenager proposed with a shameless cheeky grin.
Ulfric, despite what common sense would dictate, actually considered such proposal seriously. " Well… We are heavily undermanned to carry out this investigation, and you have proven to be mighty warriors when you saved me from the imperials and the Dragon, and you are Dragonborn too to take into consideration… Very well… I'll give you one chance to prove your worth, if you manage to discover the identity of the killer that's been assassinating young women in my city and stop him, I'll make sure to forgive your friend for his transgressions and make sure you are handsomely rewarded for your efforts. However… I would for someone to keep an eye on you during your investigation to make sure there are no more incidents…" He said, before gesturing to some random guard. "Jorleif, come forward…"
"Yes my Jarl…?" The guard said as he stepped to the front and turned towards Ulfric.
"I want you to escort the Dragonborn and his followers through the city, make sure to keep them out of trouble, but offer them all the aid they might require during their investigation…" Ulfric ordered with his booming voice.
Jorleif nodded. "As you wish my Jarl…"
"We are not Ranma's followers! We two are Dragonborn also! Not lowly minions at his beck and call!" Mousse exclaimed, insulted as he pointed and himself and Ryoga. Nobody gave a fuck about his opinion.
"You do know that's not true right…? You follow his lead because otherwise you would be pretty screwed if you had to travel by yourself because you are blind…" Barbas commented as he gave a pointed look to the bespectacled boy. Mousse just grumbled.
"So, should we head over to this manor you found…?" Jorleif said, addressing Ranma.
Ranma nodded. "Yes, let's… Barbas, you lead… On second thought, Lydia you lead us to this manor. I still don't trust Barbas not to point us to fall over the top of one of the ramparts for his amusement. (Dammit! Again, I'm denied! The dog complained) I'll see you later Wulfrid once we have captured this serial killer…" He said over his shoulder, waving at the Jarl as he gestured to his companions to follow him with his other hand.
"Ulfric!"
"That's what I said!"
Okay, that's it for now. Don't despair, as I promised next chapter will not take years to have done like last time, but do remember that I have other stories too. In any case, as I had said, Skyrim is just too much content for a single person. So without my brother I will not be able to address everything as fully as I wanted so I find myself with no other choice but to skip entire quest storylines. Though I would make sure to keep it in character as to not make it too jarring when it happens. Unless someone has a recommendation how to solve this problem.
In any case, as always leave a review and tell what you think, recommend this story to yours friends and visit my -e on and tell me what you think.
One last thought before going, when I first started planning this story with my brother, since we wanted to make a parody inspired, and in homage of the stories once written by Black Dragon6 (Who unfortunately decided to abandon fanfiction forever) we decided early on to make Ranma and co. as insufferable, dickish and annoying as possible. Turns out, after reading the manga, that that's Ranma everyday attitude, so I'm pretty much keeping him in character according to actual canon without even meaning to. Who would have guessed?