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She didn't know how they found her, but they did. One second she'd been suddenly sent to a place that had once been her home but now loomed strange and intimidating, the next she was laying on a cot in a musty, dark bunker. When she woke, she wished she hadn't. The memories came rushing down on her like a rainstorm; pain both mental and physical, despair and desperation and loneliness, and most of all…him. His hard unyielding voice, the coldness in his eyes, his harsh hurting hands – rocking back and forth, she covered her mouth with her hands and pressed her eyes shut, trying to fight it. Trying to fight him, still.
She had to block him out, the man whose name she'd never uttered and now wouldn't even think. He was still getting to her, even now, and that killed her. He was the one causing this panic, this fear, making her shake and tremble like a child. But the memories kept replaying on an endless loop that she couldn't break free from, and they filled her heart with anguish.
A soft knock sounded at the door to her small, plain room, mercifully jolting her out of her mind. Swallowing, she tried to calm down and did something she was a master at: put on a face of calm. "Come in," her voice was scratchy and raw despite her best efforts.
The metal door opened and a man came in, but he was the opposite of the man from her memories in every way possible. This man had calm, caring eyes, and his voice was kind. "How are you doing, ma'am?"
"Fine." She made an attempt at a smile, but it shook and collapsed.
He looked at her with a surprising amount of understanding. "You don't have to fake it," he said gently.
Silence echoed after his comment. She bit her lip, not knowing how to or wanting to respond, and twisted her fingers in her long chestnut hair. She didn't trust herself to speak.
He cleared his throat, and her eyes darted up to his with a nervous flicker. Throat-clearing usually meant impatience, and impatience never ended well for her. But his eyes…they weren't impatient. His whole face was filled with a sweet awkwardness. "If you could just come with me, ma'am…it's Leah, right?"
She rose unsteadily and nodded. "Yeah. I'm Leah." Uncoiling and re-coiling her hair, she gathered the nerve to ask him, hesitantly, "Um, what's your name?"
"I'm Steve," he offered with a warm smile. "It's nice to meet you."
Leah blinked in confusion, not quite knowing how to react to the first bit of kindness that she'd been shown in longer than she could remember. A tiny bit of hope sparked within her. Maybe there were still decent people out there, and maybe Steve was one of them. But then she remembered the man who'd held her captive, and she pushed away her hope with a shudder. That man had acted kind, too, every now and then, but that didn't stop him from hurting her far more often. Her heart began to pound at the memories, and she felt a sheen of sweat form on her face as her breathing became heavier and heavier.
Icy fingers scored bloody lines into her skin.
Her arm snapped in two with a horrendous crack.
He ripped her insides apart, over and over and over.
She wrapped her arms around her sides as if to hold herself together, but it didn't stop her mind from succumbing to the pure terror that crashed in like a tidal wave. She felt like she was going to be sick.
"Whoa, sh, it's okay, you're safe here," Steve said gently, stepping closer but taking care not to touch her. "Why don't you come with me, there's someone here who can help you."
Leah gave a shuddering exhale, holding herself tighter. She didn't know that anyone could help her. "Why…why should I trust you?" she asked raggedly, swallowing.
"You don't have to, yet," he murmured. "But I hope you will. No one here wants to hurt you, and no one here will ever lie to you. Do you think you could give us a chance?"
"You won't lie to me? You promise?" she asked cautiously as her heart began to slow.
"I won't ever lie to you, Leah, and that's a promise," he said firmly, with an undeniable ring of truth in his voice.
She could either hide herself away in here with nothing but her nightmares to keep her company, or she could take the slightest of risks and go with him. There was an honesty about him that made her want to trust him, and even still, if he wanted to hurt her, he'd do it regardless of whether or not she went with him. "Okay," Leah whispered. "I'll come with you. But can you, um, answer some questions for me? While we go?"
Steve nodded. "Of course. Some things may have to wait, though."
"That's okay."
"Alright then, if you could just follow me then, ma'am, Doctor Carolyn's office isn't too far from here."
Obediently, she walked with him down the hall, though her mind was buzzing with nervousness. So much she wanted to ask, so little she knew.
"Steve?"
"Yes, Leah?" He looked down at her with that warm, kind smile of his.
"Where am I?" It seemed like some sort of military base, but she had no idea why anyone related to the military would be interested in her.
"I'm not quite allowed to say yet," he winced. "But we will tell you, I'll make sure of it. Just know you're with friends who don't like the man who hurt you any more than you do."
That sounded good to her, and she believed Steve when he said he'd tell her later. She didn't want to trust this stranger, but it was so hard not to. "Am I going to see someone to put me on drugs?" she asked in regards to the 'Doctor Carolyn' he'd mentioned. If drugs would stop her from remembering and being scared, she'd gladly take them, but she'd heard about drugs messing with your mind, and she didn't think she had much mind left to mess with.
"Oh, no," he said, shaking his head. "Carolyn just wants to talk with you. She's a very nice woman, the best there is. And here we – " they paused in front of a door, Steve frowning at the man who leaned on the wall next to it. He put himself between Leah and the other man almost protectively, which she was glad for; the unknown man, with his dark hair and self-assured posture, reminded her even at first glance far too much of him.
"Steve," the man greeted with a languid smile. "Stopping by to see the doc?"
His mouth was a tense line, but he softened when he murmured to Leah, "Would you like to go on in? I'll be right out here whenever you two are finished. I need to have some words with my…friend."
Leah nodded mutely. She reached out for the doorknob, but before she could enter the room, the man touched her shoulder and turned her around so she was facing him. With a whimper, she shrank back, her indigo eyes wide. She didn't want to be touched, especially by someone she didn't know.
"Tony," Steve said almost forebodingly, crossing his arms and stepping between them.
Tony held out his arms in an obviously faked gesture of innocence. "What?! I just wanted to see what all of the fuss is about. She's not bad at all, I see why Loki – "
Another whimper escaped her lips and her hands flew to her ears. His name was the worst; none of the girls had ever dared to say it, and all it did now was remind her of a slew of terrible things. "Not the name," she whispered, shaking her head. "Please please please, not the name."
"Oh, is she – "
"Tony, please hold your tongue right now if that is at all possible," Steve said, his eyes dangerous. He turned and spoke to Leah gently, like she was an injured doe. "Leah, I'll have a talk with Tony, and he won't touch you without your permission or say that name ever again. I understand what you're going through, and I know that those two things are uncomfortable for you." He smiled slightly at her fervently agreeing nod, then opened the door for her. "Go on in and see Dr. Carolyn."
"Thank you," she whispered, the words feeling foreign on her lips, as she looked up at him with wide, open eyes.
"There's nothing to thank, ma'am," he murmured, holding her gaze until she turned away to go into the office. For a second, he thought he caught a ghost of a smile on her lips, but both it and she were gone before he could tell for sure.
"Tony," Steve started to scold, but when he turned around, Tony had already started walking away. Frowning, he easily ran up to the other man to reprimand him, but Tony was already talking.
"She's got a nice body, a little on the skinny side, but it's the eyes that do it for me; I haven't seen that color before," he rambled. With a sigh, he added, "It's too bad she's completely insane."
Steve decided to ignore that; the infuriating man was likely trying to provoke him. "You need to use a little common sense, and some decency would do you good too. Where's all that genius I keep hearing about?"
"Busy trying to find a way out of this mess," Tony said sourly.
"The way I heard it, Leah is the way out of this mess. Oh don't look at me like you're offended, Fury didn't explain everything to me."
"But he did tell you something?"
Steve sighed. "Only that Leah was important, and that she was undoubtedly suffering from some form of PTSD – a fact which you might've found helpful. Do you realize what sort of things being touched by a strange man or hearing someone say Loki's name could drudge up for her?"
"I didn't know!" he huffed dramatically. "I can't be blamed for not being in the loop!"
"You can be blamed for being an idiot," Steve muttered, then said in a normal voice, "Fury's going to bring us all up to speed at the meeting. And I do expect you to apologize to her when we're done."
"Yeah, yeah, suit yourself," Tony said with an eye roll as they went into the meeting room, where all of the other Avengers were already gathered.
"You're late," said Director Fury as the two of them took their seats.
"Apologies, sir. Tony…unsettled Leah while I was escorting her to Dr. Carolyn's office," Steve said, shooting a glance at Tony.
Fury closed his eye for a moment and exhaled, clearly calming himself. "And did he compromise her mental state in any permanent way?"
"I…don't think so," Steve replied.
"Good." Fury looked around the table, his single eye boring into each of them to make sure they were paying attention. "We do not need any more incidents like this happening, got it? That girl is the key to us winning our planet back, and she needs to be kept safe."
Tony raised his hand like he was in school again. Fury rolled his eye. "Yes, Tony."
"Um, maybe I'm just being a little too realistic here, but wouldn't it be better to place all our hopes and dreams on someone who isn't a bucket full of crazy?" He looked around the table. "Yes? No? You want us to depend completely on a girl with mental problems?"
"Considering the circumstances, she's in excellent condition," Fury said, shooting Tony down.
Natasha nodded in agreement. "The other girls Loki's sent down have all been complete messes; she was the only one who was even conscious when we found her. We just don't have time to sit around and wait and hope that eventually he'll throw down someone who's completely stable, which I think won't ever happen. We need to use what we have."
"Am I going to hear any more arguments about this girl being here? No? Good." Fury nodded. "Once we find a way to Asgard, she will be able to help us in ways that even Thor can't. She likely knows other girls there, and she without a doubt knows things about Loki that could give us an edge. I will not tolerate any of you doing anything to compromise her."
"Sir, maybe you should be more explicit," Steve said with a glance towards Tony. "Since some of us don't know how to use our heads."
Fury sighed. "Don't touch her unless she tells you to, don't mention anything to do with Loki, if you have to talk to her at all keep it to safe things. Carolyn can give me a more detailed list once she's done, but as far as I'm concerned, keep your contact minimal."
The more Fury spoke, the more uncomfortable Steve became, though he didn't let it show. The Director was acting like Leah was nothing more than a tool, but she wasn't. She was just a sorely broken girl who needed some help.
xXx
"Hi, Leah, it's good to meet you," a blonde woman, who she assumed was Dr. Carolyn, greeted warmly from behind a metal desk. "Please, sit down."
She sat down distractedly, offering a lip twitch that might have been a smile. She couldn't stop thinking about Steve, his sweetness and protectiveness and warm beauty. There was a war raging in her mind, between the hopeful side that wanted nothing more than to lean on Steve and let him shelter her, and the side of caution that warned her not to trust anyone or anything until she knew more. With that, not to mention the flickers of him that danced on the edge of her mind and her still-present confusion over where she was and why going on in her head, it was a small wonder that she afforded little attention to the doctor.
"So, Leah, let's start off with some basics, does that sound good?"
"Mhm."
"How long had you been in Asgard?"
"A couple months, maybe."
"Alright. Did you become friends with anyone?"
"Yeah."
"Where did you spend your time?"
"The palace."
An impatient sigh from Carolyn brought Leah's eyes flickering back over from the space they'd been staring off into. She'd learned to pick up on things like that, or anything that might mean boredom or impatience. The woman noticed Leah's sudden attention, and jotted something down on her notepad. "Leah, what's bothering you right now?"
Well, she didn't know whether to believe anything anyone said here or if she should trust someone she thought was nice but who could be playing her like a fool, and oh yeah, she couldn't stop thinking about the heartless king who had treated her worse than an animal. "Nothing."
"Leah, do you want to bring down the man who hurt you?" Carolyn asked seriously.
"Yes, but how can I –"
"Then you're going to need to answer my questions." Her voice was a tad gentler.
"How will that help, me answering your questions?" she asked timidly.
"You're important to us, and we want you to feel like yourself again. You're not feeling very much like yourself right now, are you."
Leah shook her head slowly. "No. But I can't be myself anymore; he took it away." She pulled on the ends of her hair and looked away. The panic was creeping into her voice again. "I don't want to talk about it." It hurt too much to even think about what she was before him, because she used to be so much better. Now she was a pathetic mess, and she knew it.
"Talking about it will help, Leah, it always does."
"You don't understand," she said, her voice cracking and water seeping into her eyes. "How could you?"
Carolyn gave her a long, measured look. Slowly, she said, "I think I know something that could help. Do you know Steve?"
A trembling nod.
"What about Natasha and Bruce? Or Tony, he might benefit."
"Might benefit from what?" Leah asked, wiping away the unshed tears from her eyes.
"Group therapy."