Darting awake for the third time that night, Courtney decided against another attempt to sleep. The memory of Sophie was always the worst, always the most destroying, especially when she returned to school. People laughed and joked about what happened to Sophie, unaware of just what it did to her mental state, of how serious it actually was. Ever since it happened, ever since she was drugged and beaten within an inch of her life, kidnapped. The few days she went missing was absolute hell for her.

Courtney had never been looked at the same again when word got out of her death, everyone in school practically knew Courtney loved Sophie to death, it was always obvious to everyone but the girl, the way Courtney would instantly perk up, her eyes would shine. It was the same with Sophie, everyone knew she loved Courtney, but somehow they never figured out the other loved them.

The female German Shepherd could still remember the glares, the hateful stares and harsh and insensitive whispers behind her back. Not one person in school hated Sophie, it was impossible to, and for that, no-one hated Courtney... Until that day. The stares said it all, the words dug like knives through her fur.

"Failure."

"You let her down."

"She needed you."

"I thought you loved her." That line... Those words were spoken by her ex-bestfriend. Just like everyone else, he turned his back on her when she needed him the most. "Didn't love her enough to protect her did you? Didn't love her enough to save her life did you?" He always pushed her up against the wall, practically growling out those questions in pure hatred.

The tears pricked at her eyes once more, recalling the memories unwillingly. She wasn't a popular girl from the beginning, but no-one ever bothered to hurt her - when Sophie was alive atleast. Once word was out, she would go home every Friday with a broken arm or leg, covered in brusies, or a simple black eye and brusies if she was lucky, but they would always break her down emotionally with her suppoused failure to be even a remotely good future girlfriend.

Wiping her eyes, she climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs, stumbling and struggling under the unseen weight of her fatigue. "I'm so sorry Sophie." A whisper so faint left her lips as she cradled a small locket in her paws. It was a birthday present from Sophie... Literally the day before her kidnapping; the silver jewelery was the only reminder of the ocelot she had. The night was still fairly young, it had only been about half an hour since she first went to sleep, not that it surprised her. Half an hour of sleep, restless and soul-crushing or not, was welcomeing.

Leaning against the wall for support, she stumbled into the living room and fell onto the sofa with more tears in her eyes, silent sobs leaving her maw as she sunk into the soft surface, blurry vision fixated upon the locket as she ran a single finger over the metal constantly. She could still recall her birthday, when Sophie gave her locket, and the day when she had the picture inside the locket taken.

As she opened the paw-shaped object, complete with a heart indentation that flawlessly merged with the detailed pattern of a paw. The picture inside just made her want to sob harder, but she didn't. She had exhausted her tears by now. A younger version of her stood at the beach with Sophie beside her; Courtney's cheeks flush red with a hint of surprise still evident in her smile, Sophie's the same, as she stood beside her, arms wrapped around her and her head resting against Courtney's shoulder, with a beautiful picture of the sun beginning to set behind them.

She ran her paw over the picture, reminisicing on the day and allowing a weak, but genuine smile and even a slight blush to form as she gazed longingly at Sophie, remembering even the warmth of her body, the gentleness of her touch, or the passion of the 'thank you' kiss that was responsible for her intense blush evident in the picture. At that time she didn't think so much that Sophie actually loved her, being that they were both comfortable lesbains and there had been so many occasions where one had kissed the other, Courtney didn't think so much of it. How much she regretted not realising.

The kiss, the entire day practically screamed to Courtney, 'I LOVE YOU' and for some stupid reason, she never realised it, despite how passionate Sophie was. The poor Ocelot tried so hard for Courtney to finally listen to her heart and realise, only to fail. The day slowly seeped into her mind, despite knowing it's outcome and the future, she happily allowed herself to reflect on it.

~Flashback, Courtney's POV~

I woke up ridiculously early that Saturday, perhaps too early - as it was only one in the morning - but I was just so happy. It was my birthday, and what person doesn't love their birthday. I turned to my side at a slight groan, noticing Sophie shifting beneath the blanket, quickly reminding me we were still on holiday and me and Sophie had to share. Needless to say, Sophie deserved the holiday too. Besides, my family absolutely adored her, so it didn't take much persuading.

She kicked off the blanket, and a blush swarmed my cheeks. I still wasn't used to having her actually share my bed, not just sleep in it while I slept in a sleeping bag whenever she had a sleep over. It was the middle of the summer too, at it it's hottest, which didn't help at all with my blush. Remaining quiet, I snuck out the room with a smile plastered on my face - yet in all honesty I had absolutely no fucking clue why I was even up so early.

A sudden chill brought a shiver to my body, an unpleasent reminder that while it was summer, the nights would still be terribly cold sometimes. I heard a door open, tired steps making their way down to where I was now sitting. "Courtney?" Her tired voice whispered in the darkness, surprising me. 'Oh shit, I woke her up didn't I?'

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry Sophie."

"I woke up when I felt you leave the bed.. You alright?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine, I'm always up early on my birthday." She took a seat beside me, yawning loudly, but even then it was still so quiet and cute; I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close, letting her head rest on my shoulder as she started to quickly fall asleep once again.

I cast my gaze over her, forgetting she was wearing nothing but her bikini, luring yet another strong blush to my face, but all the same a soft frown and a repressed growl when my eyes fell on the fading brusies over her arms and stomach, they were barely noticeable, bordering on non-existant, yet having seen them when they stood out and first formed, I could still pick them out. I was so thankful they weren't seriously damaging, but still I hated the fact she got into a fight, and lost.

She was beautiful, I never could deny that, but as much as I would've liked to, I didn't allow my gaze to linger any longer. I mean, I'm not a pervert or stalker. "Yes you are"

"Wait? What?" Did she hear my thoughts or something?

"You are a pervert" She giggled softly, hinting that she was awake once again.

"Am not. Did I say that outloud?"

"Nope, but I saw you looking." My expression instantly dropped, and I turned my gaze away from her ashamed. "Oh cheer up, was I complaining? I know I'm good to look at. You're not too bad yourself." Now she was blushing heavily. Despite being pretty openly lesbain, she still was so shy about it around me, just like I was with her. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed she was looking anywhere but me after saying that, drawing a small laugh from my throat, still remaining quiet to not wake the ones still asleep.

"Ermm, Courtney?" I was surprised by the hesistant, quiet tone that left her lips, as if she was really nervous about whatever she had to say. I simply made a sound of acknowledgment and offered a reassuring smile that this wont change anything. "I was wondering, seeing as how we're both awake, maybe I could... Errrm..." She whispered something so faintly even my sharp hearing missed it.

"What was that?"

"Give you a quick good morning, happy birthday kiss?" I looked at her slightly surprised, but all the same having expected as much. It became a thing of ours, on each others birthday to kiss them, something we started when we were oh so young, before we even knew what kissing actually meant - not that the knowledge changed anything. Although the kiss I got wasn't the one I had become accustomed, it was alot more passionate, even a slight bit hesistant.

She molded her lips to mine, her eyes closing as she climbed onto my lap, pushing into the kiss slightly. Her arms wormed their way around to the back of my neck, pulling herself closer against me. I was beyond shocked at how different this was, but it wasn't unpleasent at all. I did love the girl afterall, I just wouldn't ever tell her for fear of rejection. She nipped at my bottom lip, her paws pulling her even closer, while my own finally found their use as they gently stroked down her curves, resting on her hips. Much to my dismay however, Sophie quickly pulled back, looking almost heartbroken as if she thought I'd hate her for that.

Quickly unwrapping her paws from around me, she moved away from me into the corner, curling her legs up against her chest as soft whimpers escaped her throat. "I'm s-s-sorry... P-p-please don't h-hate me.. I-I-I didn't mean for it to go that far." She hid behind her paws, clearly frightened of how I'd react. Her whimpers grew more frequent as I - still slightly shocked and surprised - never responded to her, though after some time I finally returned to my senses.

"Hey, Sophie.. Don't cry." I gently clasped her paws in my own and pulled them to either side of her. Her eyes said it all. 'I'm scared' I gave her a soft kiss in return, hoping to ease her - which to my delight it did. "Sophie, I promise it's fine. I don't hate you, honestly.." I paused, blushing heavily. "I really enjoyed it actually." The surprise in her eyes was immense, and before I knew what happened, she was quickly pressing herself against me, clutching my fur tightly, as if she wasn't sure I was being serious and was still scared.

~Present Time, Courtney's POV~

That was the first time she ever actually surrendered to her feelings, and it made me realise just how long she had been holding back and lying to herself. Why weren't we able to realise each other was holding back? How I missed her so much.. I missed that kiss, it was one of the two times she truly let her love actually make itself known, and I, like the foolish girl I was, didn't fucking realise.

Now I thought back on it, I hated myself. It was so obvious, and I held so much anger and frustration now.. It felt almost certain that if I never kept my problems, and in effect, all of my feelings as bottled up and secluded as I did, maybe the dark future that came to be could've even been somehow prevented entirely. If I could control time and go back, knowing what I know now, I would and I'd change her fate, I'd rewrite history in a heartbeat for a second chance.

That day went by like every other, up until the sunset at the beach, when she gave me the locket and we had the picture taken. She relented alot more that time, and even I surrendered for a bit, in all honesty.. I was still wondering just how far we would've actually gone..

"I miss you so much Sophie.."

~Flashback, Courtney's POV~

We walked along the beach, the sun on our fur and the warmth of the day fading to much more tolerable temperatures. My parents had decided to walk over to the ocean, instead of with me and Sophie as we disappeared behind one of the outcrops of rock, obscured from veiw. The beach was literally empty save for us, so I wasn't too self conscious about the fact I was in my bikini, and that Sophie was also, only wearing really short shorts as well to carry her phone.

We had walked a short distance before we were out of earshot, then Sophie stopped - going and placing her phone against one of the rocks with the camera turned on at a long timer - before she came back and whispered with a shy voice. "Ermm.. I-I know you didn't actually w-want anything for your birthday.. But I just had to give you this locket.. It's so beautiful and.. I don't know I just kinda think it would suit you." As she said that, she pulled the silver from her back pocket, handing it to me. I gazed at it, fixated upon the beautiful design, before slowly putting it on with a genuine smile on my face.

"It's beautiful. Thank you so much." I knew the phone was so we could get a picture, and the angle of it would capture the sun setting in the background, it would be flawless awesome. That was when the moment that we both surrendered turned up. Meaning for it to be a simple 'thank you' kiss, it quickly escalated to something more passionate, although I couldn't be sure whether it was actually intentional or not.

I pushed my lips to hers, eyes slowly closing in bliss as hers did the same. Her arms wrapped around my neck, my own snaking their way down her curves and worming around to her back, pressing her against me. I could feel her nipping softly at my bottom lip, asking for entrance which, I hesitantly granted. Why was it going so far? I didn't actually understand why it was as passionate or intense as it was, but I wasn't going to complain. She slowly pushed her tounge inside, my own fighting back, and before I knew it we were both on the sand.

To my dissappointment, she seemed to collect herself and pulled away, cheeks flush red in complete embarrassment, while I could feel the heat rush up to my face. "I-I-I'm sorr-sorry." We both stuttered out simulatenously, her helping me to my feet. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head against my shoulder, smiling brightly with evident surprise, my own expression the same as I turned to face her phone. Somehow, the timer had been just long enough for that kiss to happen, as if she done it on purpose..

~Present Time, still Courtney's POV~

That was the last time I ever saw her smile, or even be remotely happy. Continuing to stroke my paw over the picture, I felt tears begin to run slowly down my face. I couldn't do it anymore. I quickly hid the locket, not daring to look at it until much later. "I miss you Sophie..." Was all I could whimper out, curling up on the sofa to try for a final time to get some sleep, hoping that maybe I could reflect on that day again, or atleast let my imagination grant me some type of freedom from the terrors..