The seconds between Amanda's huskily uttered plea and their mouths roughly meeting were short and rushed, filled with the sound of Olivia's breath shuddering from her chest. A part of Amanda expected her to pull back, insist upon Amanda's truthfulness, and she clasped her jaw, coaxing her closer. Olivia hesitated for half a moment, and Amanda could feel the tremble in the other woman's arms as she held herself tenuously above her. Arching her chin upwards, Amanda caught her lower lip, and Olivia released a strained moan. Her fingers curled upwards into Amanda's hair, winding through tangled strands of blonde before she slanted her face against Amanda's, crushing their lips into perfect harmony.
Amanda shivered as the warmth of Olivia's mouth captured her cold, quivering lips, spreading heat from her core outwards. When Olivia's sank against her, her hips pressing into her own a pleasurable pressure, she widened her legs around Olivia's body until they fit together like pieces of a puzzle, sliding and locking into place. She knew that Olivia could feel it too. She was pulling her taut against her, fingers caught in her hair, her tongue slipping past Amanda's teeth with needy insistence.
Amanda's heart rushed in her chest, an undeniable surge of desire and a wash of desperation. It wasn't enough, no, not nearly enough to wipe away the fear which had taken hold of her. They'd found themselves clutched against each other before, violating every barrier of friendship and responsibility, and it still hadn't stopped this chain of events.
A hot flush took over her body as she accepted for the first time the length of her desires. Their fraught embraces and kisses were but the very tip of an iceberg of feelings that rested inside her heart, yearning to break the surface. She could only hope that Olivia felt the same, treading these heady waters above her.
Curling her fingers over the back of Olivia's neck, Amanda angled her mouth over Olivia's, her lips parted as she hungrily pushed her tongue back in return. A shudder raced down Olivia's spine, from Amanda's fingers at the base of her skull down to where her hips seized. Amanda moaned a soft sound at the volatile reaction because she needed more - more of this, of Olivia's hands clutching her, erasing the terror of this night. More of Olivia's mouth caressing her own until she forget every single mistake and regret that haunted her. More of Olivia's hips trembling against her until she was swept away from the consequences of this strange, ill-conceived relationship.
The morning could dawn upon her, Amanda had decided, as long as Olivia was pressed against her. Her will to live burned solely upon this moment where she existed only as the flesh and bone and spirit of the person whom Olivia loved. It was love, wasn't it, those words that wanted to burst so impetuously from her lips in the heat of this passionate union?
I love you. I love you. I love you. It was a continuous loop in her mind as Olivia's mouth took over her laxing one, and she was weak with it. The sudden epiphany left her lasping beneath the other woman as Olivia swayed against her, rocking into her with every ounce of ardor that Amanda felt pulsing through her own veins.
Olivia's fragile breath broke across her chin as she dragged her lips moistly over Amanda's jaw, spreading passion to her throat. Amanda's body clenched and quivered beneath her as she laid her tongue against her throbbing pulse, painting rough circles and lines of desires. Amanda could feel tears in her eyes, choking her airway because she'd never felt so treasured, so worshipped, so wanted.
She moaned out as Olivia's mouth trailed to her collarbone, hesitating for half an unbearable moment before Amanda felt one hand slip from her hair, and pull her shirt away from her shoulder. Her nose sank into Amanda's chest, and Amanda could hear her breathing heavily into the swell of her breast, her movements halting at the edge of an irreversible line.
"Don't stop." Amanda whispered, huskily, blinking away tears in order to gaze down at the top of Olivia's head and her body bent over with involuntary trembles.
"Jesus…" She heard Olivia emit the raspy curse, her tone ending in a groan.
They'd been here before, hunched over in the bathtub of another hotel, and though the similarities were damning, Amanda could not grasp the logic she'd been able to follow that wretched night. She'd stopped herself, afraid of crushing the tender woman in her arms, but she understood now. She understood with a clarity that she'd hoped to never possess again, and now there was a cavern of emptiness and numbness yawning inside her, aching to be filled with her presence; and she could not deny it.
"Please…" She choked out when Olivia remained bent over her, quaking with the restraint that it took to hold herself back.
Reaching down between them, Amanda grasped at the button of her jeans, her heart pounding with the fear of losing this moment. She could not wait another day, another hour, another minute.
"A-Amanda…wait...hold on…" Olivia whispered, grasping at Amanda's trembling hands.
Amanda moaned out a soft cry as Olivia's fingers fumbled with her own for an irrational moment before her emotional endurance gave way.
"Amanda, please." Olivia murmured, dragging her arms upwards before her fingers slipped into Amanda's, and she squeezed, softly.
Between them, her jeans were splayed open, but it wasn't even close enough to what she desired.
"Liv…" She whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut against another rush of tears as Olivia sank down against her once more.
"Shhh…." Olivia murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I need you to slow down."
Amanda swallowed hard, biting at her lip as Olivia's gentle tone washed relief against her ears. She hadn't said 'stop' or 'no', just slow down, a promise to take care of her.
"I don't want to hurt you." Olivia whispered, drawing her thumbs in a slow caress over the back of her hands.
Amanda nodded raggedly, turning her face into Olivia's.
"You won't." She managed to reply, her voice broken and raspy as she searched for Olivia's mouth once more.
She'd already been hurt, tonight and many nights before this one. She knew pain, and it was nothing like what she felt now, safe beneath the weight of Olivia's body.
Olivia turned her head slowly, and their noses bumped, their eyes locking together through the darkness. The smallest bit of light from the window across the room fell across Olivia's glimmering gaze with enough illumination for Amanda to see the emotions written across her face, so visceral that it sent a tremor through her midsection.
"Liv…" She began to whisper, those three words she couldn't stop thinking rising to the tip of her tongue.
Olivia's brows twisted as though she'd read her mind, and she moved in quickly, pressing her mouth to Amanda's before she could say another word. Amanda's eyes slid shut, and she let Olivia capture her lips in another slow, deep kiss, but her heart was fluttering, then pounding with a deep intensity. She'd already seen the anticipation in Olivia's gaze, the reciprocation beginning to form, and her body was coiled tight with it.
They couldn't pretend anymore. They'd both nearly lost everything, a victim to Lewis's demented game and the consequences thereof, and it was here at what felt like the end of the world that she felt the foundations of their friendship giving way. They were crumbling, crashing and burning and maybe too quickly for their own good, but Amanda could not think of anything beyond this moment. She could not think of tomorrow, of when she was forced to finally tell Olivia the truth, of when Olivia was forced to tell Brian the truth… No, she couldn't think of it, or else she would crumble too, into something much more ugly and destructive than this impetuous union.
Squeezing her eyes shut over lingering tears, she let herself lapse beneath Olivia, a silent agreement that she would let herself be taken as Olivia pleased. She wanted to be swept away, wanted to be but mess of tangled, engorged nerve endings, bending and twisting to the woman above her, and Olivia seemed to understand her compliance.
Her hands slipped away from Amanda's, pressing a shiver into her flesh as she skimmed down the soft undersides of her arms. Her mouth went slack beneath Olivia's as she felt her fingers tug at the hem of her shirt, and she arched against her, panting quickly as Olivia's palms spread over her ribcage. It was the first time that Olivia had touched her in a way that was definable only as sensual. There could be no other pretext now as the feeling of her fingers against her naked flesh ignited deep tremors in her stomach. The aftershocks quickly raced across her body, seizing her deep between her legs with undeniable gushes of heat.
A tingle followed after the heady rush as she tilted her head back, gasping for air when Olivia's mouth descended on her neck once more. She clutched her shoulders, her legs clenching around Olivia's thighs as she felt her palms enclose the swells of her breasts through the plush material of her bra. She was gentle, almost too gentle, in her caress, and Amanda whimpered, turning her face into Olivia's hair.
"Fuck…" She whimpered into the soft strands, her body twitching involuntarily to the tune of Olivia's fingertips.
"Slow….remember…." Olivia whispered to her, though her voice was strained with all of the pent up desires that had begun to erupt like the slow, yet sure racing of lava down this mountainous hill.
Her fingers slid down, pressing beneath the edges of the bra, and Amanda trembled, releasing raw vocalizations as she lifted herself just enough for Olivia to smoothly unlatch the clasps. The ease with which she removed the barriers between them left Amanda with an intense feeling of weakness in her legs, and a harsh chugging of her heart in her chest. Her head was spinning, and all she could hang onto was Olivia's touch. She was tethered to this earth only by the strength of Olivia's tendons and muscles, or else she felt as though she'd float away into the sky like a lost balloon.
Olivia leaned back slightly, dragging Amanda's shirt and bra off over her head. The effort of assisting the motion left Amanda breathless, and she sank back into the sheets and pillow, wrapping her arm around Olivia's neck to hold her close. She could barely look into face now - now that she was naked and vulnerable, now that the terrifying reality of Olivia's feelings were but one thought away. She was flying recklessly towards this point of union, desperate for it to happen before the chance was lost. Though she'd sworn not to think of the consequences, the look in Olivia's eyes- the one that said I love you back - played through her mind again and again like a reminder of the weight of her choices.
There'd be no going back from this. They'd be bound forever to this single point in their lives, and whatever else happened afterwards could only be directly affected by this night. There'd be no setting it aside, compartmentalizing it from the fallout of her attack on Lewis, and her decisions before her own assault. She was responsible now for Olivia's heart, and she'd have to explain how she'd uncaringly slept with another woman only last night with the knowledge that they were now irrevocably intertwined.
She blinked quickly, digging her face into Olivia's hair as emotion clogged her throat. Her body was wrought with both pain and pleasure, and she felt tossed to and fro between the two. She clutched Olivia's shoulders tighter, the urge to stop her rising to the surface. She bit her lower lip as Olivia palms covered her breasts once more, and a tremble went through her. Her skin felt on fire, and so did her conscience and her soul and her entire fucking being.
"Olivia…" She whimpered, hardly able to speak through the conflicting emotion wringing her throat.
"What is it, baby?" Olivia asked, her tone breathless, and Amanda could feel the arousal lacing her veins, shivering just beneath the surface of her skin and her voice.
She pressed her eyes shut, vacillating over whether she should burst out the truth of her sins, or whether she should close her mouth and let happen what they both wanted so terribly.
"You can tell me." Olivia whispered, her voice going raspy. "Now, or later. It doesn't matter..."
Her fingers squeezed slowly over Amanda's breasts, her thumbs and forefingers dragging her nipples to hardened points. Amanda groaned, trembling as her back arched into the burning touch, and she knew what Olivia meant to say.
It doesn't matter because I'm going to fuck you either way….
A deep seated heat crashed across her body, and she wanted so badly to trust Olivia's ability to bear any truth. She wanted to throw herself into this night, and let the cards fall where they would tomorrow.
Twining her fingers in Olivia's hair, she stretched her head back, opening her chest to the wash of Olivia's breath across her chest. She could still feel Olivia's fingers clasping her nipples, stroking with aching persistence, and she fought against the every desire to break.
She should tell her the truth. She should…
She cried, a choked sound, when she felt Oliva's mouth hover close to her breast. Her hand moved down beneath the roughly fondled globe of flesh, lifting it slowly to her lips. When the heat of Olivia's mouth enclosed her sensitive nipple, she gagged on another cry, writhing sharply beneath Olivia's guidance. Her fingers clenched harder in the soft, chestnut strands, but she hardly heard a sound from Olivia's mouth, save for the softest moan as she bore down upon her.
Stars were already whirling over Amanda's head, and she could feel the last of her tears slipping down her temples with Olivia's equally tender and intense ministrations. She felt almost helpless beneath her, but not the same unending darkness of the alley and the hours afterwards. It was a weightlessness, and all at once a heaviness that left her breathless and dangling onto whatever nerve ending Olivia wrapped around her long, olive fingers. It was a surrender that she found herself tumbling into as her control and sense of reality slipped away from her.
The universe has ground down to this room, to this bed, to the space between their bodies, and Amanda could feel the axis of her world spinning slowly around the point where they were connected, flesh to flesh.
"Oh, god…" She breathed, squeezing her eyes shut against the terrifying singularity of her desires and emotions.
Olivia's fingers were stroking her opposite nipple, working the flesh to a swollen ache; all the while, her tongue circled and lapped with arousing pantomime, and Amanda could only wonder at what other flesh she could torture so. A dull ache went through her, and her hips surged up against Olivia in a needy thrust.
Her will was lost to the winds of desire, fading beneath a heart stopping pleasure. Denial and a clear conscience were both useless causes now as she frothed with a piercing need at the juncture of her trembling thighs. She could hardly question it, much less stop it.
"Liv, please…" She whimpered, dragging her hips in ragged motions up against the ridges and curves of Olivia's thighs and waist.
"Shh…" Olivia hummed once more, the tone vibrating against Amanda's wet, sensitized flesh.
"I know…" Amanda croaked once more, licking at her dry lips. "I know you said slow, but… fuck…"
Olivia pressed a slow kiss against her breast, and then her chest bone, trailing them down to the dip of her stomach between her ribs. She was still sore there, and a bruise had begun to form where she'd taken the brutal punch, but Olivia was soft, her mouth barely grazing her beaten flesh.
"Ohhh…" Amanda's breath trembled and moaned from her throat, and she wasn't sure how much more of the gentle foreplay she could take.
Easing down against her, Olivia smoothed her hands down Amanda's sides in long, slow strokes, before Amanda felt her fingers catch in the loosened waistband of her pants. Her forehead pressed to Amanda's chest again, and she could feel her breath rushing across her moist, hard nipple as she hesitated for another moment. Amanda bit her lip, knowing she couldn't push her anymore. She had to wait tensely, her body clenching and gushing, until finally, Olivia hooked her fingers hard under the waistband, and the fabric began to slip away from her hips. A gasp of relief filled her lungs, followed by one of buzzing excitement, and she felt her body quaking uncontrollably as she weakly lifted up. The jeans slipped down, and a second rush of vulnerability and arousal filled because she was finally bare before her, stripped down to quivering, insatiable skin, and it felt right and safe, like nothing she'd ever felt before.
She felt that frantic, panicky feeling in her chest again like a clock was ticking, counting down the hours until Olivia was ripped cruelly away from her; like she needed to fit as many kisses and touches into this night as she possibly could before she destroyed it just like she destroyed every good thing that had ever come into her life.
Her legs still felt weak as she kicked at the pants until they were gone from her ankles, and her breathing was coming heavily upon uneven, thready exhales. She arched her legs apart on either side of Olivia once more, her thighs aching as she spread herself open. Although it was dark in the room, she could sense Olivia's visceral reaction to her nakedness, and a moment later, she felt her grasp her arm. Her grip held the slightest tremor as Olivia sank down against her until her legs were splayed out behind them and her head was bent against Amanda's stomach. She laid there for a moment, breathing heavily against Amanda's trembling stomach, and Amanda could feel her breasts pressed against her groin. She wished that she'd been able to tear at least one article of clothing from Olivia's body in order to feel her her more intimately, but it was too late now.
Olivia was sliding down between her legs, and her arms wound beneath her thighs. She cradled her back, slowly tilting Amanda's hips towards her. Amanda grabbed at the sheets on either of her, white hot pleasure already exploding across her mind at simply the feeling of Olivia's hair tickling her inner thighs and her mound. She stared up at the ceiling in the dark, wide-eyed, lips parted as she waited in silent agony.
Her eyes slammed shut, her heels digging into the bed at the slightest touch, the caress of Olivia's mouth against her hip. It already felt like so much, and Amanda could scarcely breath around the arousal and emotion resting in her throat like a knot. She bit down on her lower lip, squelching a moan as Olivia kissed slowly down the crease of her thigh, so close to her throbbing center.
"Liv...Liv…" She panted her name without thinking, without remembering the thought processing into words.
She didn't want slow anymore. She wanted to reach down and twist her fingers into Olivia's soft hair and drag her mouth against her flushed, swollen parts. She felt dizzy with slow, felt panicked and out of control, felt like the minutes were passing too fast to grasp.
She whined, squirming beneath Olivia's mouth as her lips found their way into the soft patch of hair between her legs. Her thighs clenched as Olivia nuzzled down against her, and she could hear her drawing in air through her nostrils.
"Oh, god…" She cursed in a whine once more, wrapping her arms suddenly around her face as she realized that Olivia could smell her, the scent of her arousal and her need for her.
"God…" Olivia's strained tone echoed hers.
Biting her lower lip, Amanda tilted her hips upwards, offering herself as plainly as she could to Olivia's quaking mouth. Olivia's fingers dipped into her back, scraping down her buttocks, and she pulled her close, suddenly. Amanda gasped as she felt Olivia's lips brush against her swollen clit. Even the smallest contact set her body thrumming, and she could barely control the way her hips bucked in response.
"Oh…. Olivia…" She groaned, digging her feet into the bed again as Olivia's fingers clenched tight against her ass.
Cradling her close, her mouth descended again. Pressing down against the hard, sensitive bud, she instilled warm pleasure through her veins for a long, unbearable moment before she opened her mouth, accepting her pulsing clit inside with one, slick motion.
"Oh, Jesus." Amanda cursed once more, her tone strained and guttural as Olivia sucked once, then twice.
Pleasure careened through her veins, racing hotly to their point of contact. Her nerve endings there were already seizing, poised to send her flailing over the edge. She flung her arms out, her fingers catching in the sheets, and she nearly ripped them from the bed as Olivia's tongue extended inside the hot prison of her mouth. She suctioned down again just as her tongue dragged against the screaming, aroused flesh of Amanda's clitoris. She jarred beneath Olivia, and she could feel the climax coming, barreling towards her far more quickly than she thought was possible.
"Olivia….nnggg….." She gasped then groaned, her thighs seizing, body arching
Bright explosions of color burst behind her tightly clenched lids as Olivia suckled her for a long moment, and finally, her hips bucked involuntarily, dislodging Olivia's mouth from her trembling core. She could feel the pleasure quaking just beneath the surface, clenching deep inside of her, and she panted, scraping her hands over her face once more. Her heart was slamming against her ribs as she let her legs relax again.
"Amanda…." Olivia murmured, slipping one hand down her thigh in a slow caress.
"I'm okay…" Amanda rasped, letting her hands fall on either side of her head.
She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, but she could feel Olivia's eyes burning into her. She finally glanced down, and her cheeks flushed at the sight of Olivia's figure between in her legs in the dark. It was an image she hardly dared to entertain even in her mind, even on the loneliest nights, or even the ones where they laid together in bed, but now the secret that had lain dormant between them has imploded, and Amanda wanted nothing to do with stopping it.
"Touch me again." She whispered, huskily, biting her her lower lip as Olivia's dark gaze shimmered.
She felt Olivia's fingers slide beneath her thigh, and she choked over a quick gasp of arousal as she hitched her leg high with a firm grip. With her other leg hooked over Olivia's shoulder, there'd be no escaping the intense, fiery sensations overtaking her throbbing body.
"Just tell me what you need." Olivia murmured, washing shivers down Amanda's spine.
Her head bent, and Amanda could feel her hair shifting against her thighs like titillating tease. She drew an uneven breath, blinking quickly up at the ceiling as Olivia's warm exhale washed over her again, the softest of preludes, and she could barely stop the whimper in her throat.
"I just need…" She groaned, her voice giving out as Olivia's lips enclosed her clit again. "Oh, god, Olivia…"
Her hips arched, but Olivia was slower this time, releasing her flesh with a torturous lick.
"Fuck.. I need more…" Amanda groaned, bearing down into Olivia's grip
The orgasm was wound tightly inside of her, and she could feel the precursors washing over her in irresistible waves, each one stronger than the last. She couldn't stop herself now from reaching down, and tangling her fingers in Olivia's hair, close to her scalp. Olivia released a low, husky sound of arousal as Amanda dragged her mouth against her wet, throbbing body, but she didn't resist. Her fingers tightened over Amanda's flesh, and her jaw widened as she swallowed her once more.
"Oh!" Amanda cried out, her thighs straining against Olivia's grip.
Her eyes rolled back as Olivia's tongue began to circle, leaving hesitance behind them in the wake her desperately worded plea. She ground her hips up into Olivia's mouth, barely able to even whimper now as each second ratcheted the pleasure higher, to the next plane of heady existence.
All she could feel was Olivia's tongue swirling her clit into a mess of pleasured nerves, and though she could hardly stand the intensity of it she kept her knees stretched open, knowing that when it was over it was all she would ever want again. If this was to be their only night together, she had to savor and feel every second, every rush of pleasure, every vivid, exquisite touch.
Below her, she could hear Olivia breathing heavily through her nose as her mouth scrubbed relentlessly, and as Amanda's body began to lock down, she surged against her. The pleasure came faster then, harder with every ounce of Olivia's intentions, and Amanda went rigid. She couldn't even breathe as the stars that filled the ceiling above her began to explode, filling her mind with fireworks and pleasure. She began to shudder, every inch of her body pleading to be ravaged with the force of climax.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, fucking Christ. It was all she could think as the most intense pleasure she'd ever felt rolled over her like a tsunami finally hitting land, destroying everything in its path.
She lost control of her limbs, lost control of her mind and her whole fucking body as the orgasm took her, twisted her, and pillaged every numb nerve ending that she thought she'd shut down to protect herself. She cried out raggedly with the pure devastation of the pleasure and the connection she felt to the woman who'd so diligently brought it upon her. She felt raw and open as the spasms rocked her for long, agonizing seconds, and she was shaking uncontrollably when it finally came to an end.
There were tears in her eyes, and though she'd already been acutely annihilated, she was aching for more with a burning fear that this night would come to a close and slip beyond her grasp.
Olivia was sliding up her body, and Amanda grabbed onto her, quaking as she pulled her down against her. Pressing her face into her neck, she struggled to speak her desire because Olivia need to know, needed to hear the desire trampling her mind and body.
"Shh…." Olivia whispered, cradling her close as she kissed her temple. "You're okay. I've got you."
"Liv…" Amanda whimpered, dragging her face against the ridge of Olivia's jaw. "Please…"
Her voice was raw and aching, and she knew that Olivia could hear the yearning because she felt a tremble go through her. Arching into her body, Amanda bit back a moan as she ached hotly between her legs.
It wasn't enough yet, and she wasn't sure that it would ever be, even as the morning sun broke over Atlantic City. Tomorrow her being would pine for Olivia's presence, and the day after that, and the day after that. Her heart was already pierced through with agony at the thought of leaving this bed, and never finding her way back to the only person she'd ever truly loved.
She squeezed her eyes shut against stinging tears because she wanted so badly to say it, to release the zealous words from her tongue; but she swallowed hard, squashing the truth once more from her lips, and whispered instead, rough and husky, "Don't stop...please, don't stop…"