She'd been awake for several minutes, lying unmoving in the half lit room with Amanda's back pressed against her, listening to her breath. The slow rhythm of her inhales and exhales kept Olivia grounded there against the sheets instead of floating away into her racing thoughts.
She'd been awoken by the sound of car horns blaring below as two vehicles nearly collided at the crowded intersection, and the sudden screeching had jarred her. She'd always been able to find a peaceful sleep when Amanda was next to her, but her unconscious state at the moment left Olivia half alone and full of uncertainties. She hadn't been able to close her eyes, and find the happy, weightless existence that had allowed her to rest only a few hours ago.
A dozen things crowded her mind - Amanda's assault and the escaped perpetrator, the pieces of the truth Olivia knew she'd left out, her relationship with Brian that was going to find a disgraceful end, and how all of it would impact what had happened in this bed.
It wasn't necessarily regret that gripped her for finding intimacy with Amanda, but the weight of the future was heavy. She wasn't even sure what to call their relationship or how to proceed. She felt out of her depth by even thinking of a serious commitment. They'd bonded quickly, almost too quickly to neutrally evaluate, and now so many things stood in their way.
Olivia glanced over at Amanda's sleeping face once more, watching her lids flutter and her lips parting with slow, even breaths. Her chest clenched once more, and she struggled to grasp the feelings that seemed explode in her heart at even the sight of her. It was both terrifying and wonderful, though she dismally realized for the hundredth time upon awakening that the dread in her mind cast a shadow upon the fleeting warmth of last night's love making.
She knew Amanda was lying to her, and though she also knew that it wasn't uncommon for survivors to omit details, she felt somehow wounded that after all the ways she had trusted Amanda that she could now not trust Olivia the same way.
She'd let her emotions take control of her last night, but she'd come to the conclusion that she could not do so again in the coming days. Amanda had to be honest with her, and she had to find some way to dissect the information without bias if they ever wanted to seek justice.
A low buzz from the floor drew Olivia from her thoughts, and she realized her phone must have still been in the pocket of her jeans when Amanda tossed them over the side of the bed. She immediately wondered if it were Brian calling, and a shard of dread went through her.
She'd barely thought of him last night, though she knew she should've. She'd promised to return to him when the chances of being with Amanda had been slim, and the idea of being alone had terrified her. No matter what had become of her and Brian's romantic relationship, he'd always cared about her. It had been selfish to betray him, and the mere idea of facing him left nausea swirling in her belly.
The repeated vibrations came to a halt as the call went to voicemail, and Olivia stared up at the ceiling, breathing shallowly. She knew she had to leave this bed at some point, but the prospect of rising and going out into the cold darkness of world made her want to curl beneath the covers and hide herself in Amanda's warm body.
She drew a sharp breath when her phone began to buzz again from the floor, startling her.
"Shit." She whispered, sharply, pressing her eyes shut for half a second.
Glancing over at Amanda, she contemplated not answering again, but she knew she was only putting off the inevitable. Leaning over, she pressed a kiss to Amanda's temple before slowly slipping away from her. Amanda stirred for a moment, her brows furrowing in her sleep, before she settled down against the pillow again. Olivia sat up on the edge of the bed, and listened to her breathing even out again as she stared at her crumpled pants on the floor.
Despite her intentions of picking up the phone, it'd gone to voicemail again. A moment later, she heard the ping, notifying her the caller had left a message.
"Damnit." She cursed again, bending down to snatch the pants from the floor.
Fishing in the pocket, she pulled out the device, and unlocked the screen, biting her lip with the damning expectation of seeing Brian's name in the notification. Instead, her stomach dropped when she saw Fin's name instead.
At the crime scene last night, he'd promised her to work as closely with the NJPD as he could.
We're gonna find him, Liv. He'd sworn. Even if we have chase the bastard across the country. I'm gonna get him.
Standing next to him, watching the ambulance lights flash across his expression of dark determination, she hadn't doubted him for a second. Now, she wondered if he'd even slept or if he'd been awake all night, scrounging for any evidence that would lead to an arrest.
Rising quickly from the bed, Olivia slipped quietly across the room, and closed herself inside the bathroom. Her heart was racing in her chest as she opened her voicemail box, and waited impatiently to hear Fin's message.
Liv, I got something for you should see. Call me back, okay?
She pulled the phone from her ear, and stared at the screen for a moment, both dread and anticipation rushing through her. He'd left no clue as to whether the news good or bad, though she prayed it was some sort of lead that could help them find the man that had escaped. Amanda's untruthfulness, however, lingered in the back of her mind, a dark plague haunting her every hope.
I should've made her tell me. She thought, leaning on the counter, and rubbing her fingers against her temple.
She'd barely managed to sleep for three hours, and a headache had begun to form from the lack of rest and the weight of stress. Now, her stomach had begun to ache along with her temples, and she decided suddenly that she needed to get out of this room, and find Fin. Despite her earlier desires to remain in bed with Amanda forever, the dread of the unknown was too much for her to ignore.
Flipping to her contacts, she dialed Fin, and pressed the phone to her ear. Pacing away from the counter, she listened to the phone ring for only two, shrill seconds before he picked up.
"Liv?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I just woke up." She lied, quickly, turning back towards the sink, and the mirror above it.
She caught sight of herself in the reflection, and she swallowed hard because the guilt was written all over her body and face. There were small patches of red, purpling bruises at her neck and breasts, and her she could see in her eyes and mussed hair the evidence of her adulterous night.
"Liv, you there?" Fin's voice drew her back to the present, and she blinked quickly, ducking her gaze away from the mirror.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I think you should come on downstairs." Fin repeated, searing the apprehension deeper into her chest. "Alone."
"Why?" She whispered, breathlessly, acute fear seizing her body. "What is it?"
The truth. Her mind whispered like a taunt. The thing she wouldn't tell you… The thing you should've thought about before sleeping with her…
"Just come down." Fin insisted. "They got a nice breakfast and coffee here."
She knew his offering of food and caffeine was but to soothe the anxiety racing through her veins, but she accepted it anyways, knowing that she could not be in the same room with Amanda when she learned the truth. She didn't know what evidence Fin held in his hands, but a dark premonition had wound itself through her bloodstream, crowding out the thoughts of warmth and peace from last night.
"I'll be there in a minute." She whispered, her voice husky with the dryness of her mouth and tongue.
She hung up slowly, and her phone clattered to the counter as she grabbed the edge of the sleek marble. She bowed her head, fighting sudden tears of overwhelming alarm.
She'd let herself go last night, let herself be swept away in a tide of eager desire. She'd listened to Amanda's coaxing - don't think - and she hadn't spared a single thought for the future. She'd ignored every possibility of the morning after crushing their tender, blooming hopes of romance, and she knew that it was going to hurt even more now that she'd let some of those seeds sprout and break ground instead of tearing them up them before they could flower.
Was this the price she was going to pay for her infidelity? It was a well deserved punishment, but she had hoped that God knew she'd suffered enough for two lifetimes, and maybe more. She'd prayed that He would understand that whatever she had done had been an attempt to survive and find some scrap of happiness in the dark. Maybe, it was as she had thought, lying in the trunk of Lewis's stolen car, bruised and beaten - God has abandoned me.
She drew a sharp breath, choking back tears as she scraped a hand over her face. She couldn't wake Amanda. She needed to dress herself, and slip from the room before she had to face Amanda in the chilling light of day. She needed the truth - every harsh, brutal bit - before she could hold and kiss her ever again.
Drawing herself up, she wrenched the cold water knob on, and extended her trembling hands beneath the stream. She cupped the icy water to her face, shivering as the shocking cold washed away what was left of her tears.
Reigning in her emotions, she forced her body to straighten from her hunched, devastated posture, and stared at herself in the mirror once more. She was wrecked, dark circles under eyes, red rimming her lashes. Her flesh held a dull pallor, dripping with the remnants of the water she'd splashed on her face.
She wanted to slap herself. Hard.
She held back another curse, and grabbed a hand towel from the counter. She wiped her face and hands dry before she ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame the disheveled locks. She had no comb, and she supposed the half matted appearance would have to do. Hair brushed or not, Fin was no fool, and she barely expected him to be so blind to her feelings for Amanda. She'd only hoped to make this conversation a little less humiliating.
Quietly exiting the bathroom, Olivia silently gathered her clothing and began to pull them on. She could scarcely glance at Amanda's figure in the bed as she buttoned her pants, and found her shoes near the foot of the bed. She swallowed back encroaching tears as she took one of the room card keys, and went to the small desk in the corner of the room. There was a pen and a note pad with the hotel's name monogrammed at the top, and scratched a quick note out.
Going to meet Fin downstairs. Be back soon.
She stared at the words for a moment before she tore it off. Even her handwriting seemed surreal. She shook her head, trying to clear her head as she placed the note on her empty pillow.
She finally glanced at Amanda's slumbering figure, tears growing hot and quick in her eyes. She was sprawled peacefully on her stomach, her blonde hair splayed like golden rays of sunlight across the pillow, and Olivia wished more than anything that she'd never picked up the phone, or perhaps, never even woken up.
She turned away quickly, denying herself the small, hopeful gesture of her kissing her again. She'd certainly given herself enough indulgences last night, and she'd sworn not to give in to such useless luxuries again until she knew the entirety of what Amanda had been hiding.
Striding towards the door, she wiped away her tears, and rose to meet her punishment.
xxxxxx
Fin was waiting at a table in the corner of the hotel's cafe, his expression drawn as he sipped the steaming coffee from a foam cup. Their eyes met from across the room, and he acknowledged her with a nod, his brow smoothing. The stress he'd pushed down for her sake slipped into his shoulders and posture, holding him tense and rigid.
Olivia ducked her head, trying not to let her emotions take over again as she shouldered her way past the tables and other patrons. When she reached Fin's table, she quickly sat down across from him, prepared to question him for the full truth.
She came to a halt when she saw the NJPD case file lying in front of him. This was serious, more serious, perhaps, than she'd imagined upstairs.
"What's this?" She asked, her voice raspy.
Fin regarded her for a moment with a frown his jaw muscles working.
"Here." He said at last, pushing a second cup of coffee on her direction. "Drink this."
"Damnit, Fin." Olivia hissed, sharply, clenching her fist on the table. "I don't want coffee. I want the truth."
"Then you know she wasn't telling it last night." Fin countered, folding his hands together on top of the envelope.
"Fin." Olivia warned, her voice strained as she scraped her hands over her face.
Staring down at the envelope, she drew a few, heavy breaths before she speared her fingers into her hair and glanced up at him.
"I'm not some distraught mother or wife that you need to handle with kid gloves." She whispered, her tone biting.
He stared back at her for a moment, and she could see the concern winding through his dark gaze.
He doesn't want to hurt me. Olivia thought.
The fact that he even felt she needed protection from the truth only sharpened the blade of dread which was pressed with pointed intent against her breast. He didn't want to be the one to plunge it in, but here they were.
"Just tell me." Olivia murmured, scraping her fingers back through her hair and down her neck.
Her nails bit into her flesh as she clenched her fingers over her shoulders, and she clung to the feeling, the smallest reminder of Amanda's hands on her last night. The rest of her had gone numb, save for the crippling dread in chest.
Fin sighed, his lips tightening, but he leaned back and flipped open the file. Olivia swallowed hard as he turned several pages of the offical police report that Amanda had given the NJPD before he uncovered the stack of photos in the back.
"These are from a security camera of a hotel across the street from The Manchester." Fin explained. "The Sentinel. It's a five star hotel. Most of the vacationing millionaires stay here while they're in Atlantic City. They're booked out months in advance, and -"
"So?" Olivia cut him, frustrated and confused by his over explanation of the hotel.
Fin glanced down at the stack of pictures, hesitating for a moment before he thumbed one off the top, and set it down, then another one next to it, and another until there was a series of six photos spread out in front of her, a chronological path towards her every fear.
Her nails dug in harder as she stared down at the stills of the hotel's glamourous lobby. Through the rapidly growing tears in her eyes, she found Amanda immediately inside the photo - and the woman next to her.
No...no…. The denial was quick to sprout in her mind. No… it's not what it looks like… God, please, don't let it be what it looks like…
She tore her hand from her neck, and grabbed the first picture, staring at it as her eyes burned harder, and her stomach churned faster.
Their hands were clasped, and Amanda's expression was giddy, flushed, intoxicated. The woman was smiling, beautiful.
Disgustingly gorgeous.
She felt her hand tremble, the photo wobbling in her grasp. Her throat was tightening as the nausea pushed up her chest, and she knew she didn't need to see the rest of the pictures, but, God, she couldn't not look. Dropping the first picture, she spread her hands over the rest, scraping them towards her as her eyes ate up the rest of the interaction.
They progressed together through the lobby, towards the elevator. Amanda's hands were all over her, grasping her side, her hips, her ass. She pressed the other woman against the wall and kissed her, the final photo catching them in the passionate embrace as the door of the elevator began to open.
Olivia could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and she could feel Fin's eyes burning into her, watching her every reaction. For a long moment, she couldn't move, afraid to vomit on top of the evidence in front of her. She could feel stray tears slipping from her eyes, hitting the table before they could even roll down her cheeks, though for a long time, she couldn't even breathe.
"Who...who is she?" She finally whispered through clenched teeth, her voice barely rising above the emotion clogging her throat.
"Her name is Nadine DeFranco." Fin replied quietly.
"Nadine." Olivia repeated, the syllables ground out with sharp antipathy.
"Yes." Fin replied, softly. "I'm showing you this because her husband is Anthony DeFranco. He owns The Manchester, and he's been on White Collar Crimes watchlist for sometime now for tax evasion."
She was quiet for a long second, pushing down the pain and the outrage, though she hoped that Fin thought she was simply digesting the information he had given her. Anything to make her feel less mortified beneath his pitying gaze.
"What does that have to do with this?" Olivia finally whispered, scraping away the tears with the back of her hand.
Shoving back the photos, she haltingly met Fin's sympathetic gaze, hardly able stand the eye contact. She suddenly felt ridiculous and stupid, and he didn't even know the half of what had happened between her and Amanda last night.
"This is why." Fin pulled out another photo, and set it down in front of her.
Olivia's stomach seized, her blood abruptly running cold. She immediately recognized the man who'd spit in her face last night, who'd claimed Amanda wanted every second of whar they'd planned to do to her while she lay naked and bloody on the cold, alley floor.
"This is...this is the man we arrested last night." She whispered, sickness crawling even further up her throat with growing apprehension.
"Silas Burke." Fin confirmed. "He's been in and out of jail in New Jersey and New York, and guess who keeps bailing him out?"
Olivia's eyes snapped upwards to Fin's as the puzzle pieces slowly began to arrange themselves inside her head, fitting together one by one into a damning picture of last night's events.
"Anthony DeFranco." She breathed, her nails curling into the photo clutched beneath her hand.
"Bingo." Fin replied.
Shaking her head, Olivia glanced back down at the picture of Nadine and Amanda, and questioned, quietly, "What the hell did she get herself into?"