Lip Gallagher could count on one hand the number of times in his life he'd been genuinely surprised by something. Growing up in deepest, darkest South Side meant that from a frighteningly young age you got used to seeing things that most people would find shocking. Like discovering the body of an old homeless man under the L when you're ten years old. Or finding out your mother fucked your father's brother (who you never even knew existed) and your younger brother is actually your half brother. Things that Dr Phil would cream his pants to have on his show was just everyday bullshit for Lip and his siblings.
(i)
The first time he recalls being shocked was when he was a really little kid and Debbie was just born. Frank had gone to wet the baby's head an hour after the birth and hadn't been seen in the week since. Fiona was at school and Ian was off being a toddler somewhere in the house. These days it would be a worry that a toddler with no boundaries would be hiding in a cupboard eating Tide pods but who were they kidding? Nobody in that household bought fucking Tide pods. On this particular day Lip was woken by baby Debbie screaming her lungs raw. When he stumbled downstairs he found her laying on the rug beside the couch with a bright red face as she bawled loudly. Monica was crashed out on said couch. He looked around for some way to stop the baby from screaming.
"Mom? Mom! MONICA!"
Nothing. She was passed out cold.
Lip went back to Debbie and gently stroked her peach fuzz hair.
"It's okay Debs. I'm here. It's okay."
The baby continued to squeal at a pitch that was hurting his ears.
"Stop crying Debs. You don't need to cry."
He frantically looked around for something to pacify her and grabbed for a discarded bottle of formula on the table. He carefully picked up Debbie and started to feed her. The tiny baby guzzled it so fast she coughed and spluttered, bringing most of it back up. Lip scrunched his face up in disgust but wiped her down and tried again. This time he tilted it back so she had to drink it slowly. It was only when she was nearly done that Lip realized she was soaking wet on her bottom. He remembered when Ian was smaller that he wore a diaper and Fiona changed it all the time, sometimes after she ran to the store to steal a packet when they ran out. Lip smiled down at his baby sister, ready to step up and be the big brother she needed. When she finished the bottle he laid her down and opened up her soggy diaper. He was hit by the stench of piss and shit. He gagged but managed to hold on to his stomach contents. Just. It took him a long time but he somehow got a clean diaper on the baby, sighing with relief when Debbie fell asleep on the rug. Tears stung his eyes and to this day he wasn't sure if it was pride, sadness or the acrid stench of urine that caused it. Just when he was about to scoop Debbie up and placed her in her basket, Monica opened her eyes and gave a twisted smile.
"Hey Ian..." She cooed, white froth spitting out of her mouth. "You're a good boy Ian. Looking after Mommy."
Then she leaned over the side of the coach and threw up. Her eyes closed and she was gone again, leaving Lip holding the baby with tears rolling down his face. His mother was so jacked up, a mere week after giving birth to a daughter she couldn't care for, that she didn't recognize her own son. That was the first time he was shocked by something so profoundly that it made him cry. It seemed so stupid now, looking back. Of course that happened. Monica was always like that. But now he could see that Fiona had shielded him from so much that, when she wasn't there that particular day, Lip was able to see for the first time just how fucked up his family was and how little their parents cared about them. That's when he knew he'd have to step up and help Fiona look after their growing family.
(ii)
The second time he can remember being truly surprised by something was when Ian blurted out his shocking romantic situation when they were in the car together, rueing the return of Monica to their lives. Mickey Milkovich was gay. A closeted, angry gay who'd been fooling around with his kid brother for fuck knows how long. In fact he was so closeted that after being shot in the leg he still wouldn't tell the police the truth and potentially reduce his sentence in juvie.
"Holy shit." He exhaled shallowly and Ian gave him a shrug like it was no big deal. It was a big deal. It was a very big fucking deal.
It wasn't until later that night when they were alone in their bedroom that Lip got to unload the questions his mind had conjured up since he heard the news.
"I don't get it. Mickey Milkovich?"
Ian levelled him with a firm stare. "He's not all that bad."
"He's not all that good either!"
Ian rolled his eyes. "Like you're any kinda authority on dating."
"That's what this is? You guys are dating?" Lip scoffed. "Get real Ian."
"It is what it is and I'm fine with it."
"How did you even get Mickey Milkovich to give up the fact he likes dick?"
"Will you stop saying his full name like that? He's not some kind of mythical unicorn!" Ian snapped. "He's just Mickey."
"He's just Mickey." Lip parroted. "The violent, drug-running, fag-bashing son of a violent, drug-running fag-basher!"
Ian rolled his eyes again. "Trust me when I tell you...you don't know shit."
"That right? So tell me what I don't know."
"You don't need to know. I'm fine. That's all that matters." Ian argued before stalking into the bathroom and leaving his brother staring after him in utter disbelief.
(iii)
The third time was a couple of years after he found out Ian and Mickey had been fucking around. He came home one day and found Mickey sleeping on the floor of his old bedroom, with Ian passed out asleep in the bed. Lip went down to the kitchen and asked Carl about it, the younger Gallagher boy filled him in on what he missed by living away from home. Mickey was having issues at home with his pregnant wife and had been sleeping in Ian's room for the last couple of weeks.
"Jesus Christ." Lip muttered and stomped upstairs to confront his foolish brother. He stopped on the top step when he heard voices.
"We don't have long. Carl will be up here again soon." Ian was speaking, sounding strung out.
"Best get on me fast, Firecrotch." Mickey's teasing voice came next.
"Let's go Mick."
There was a slapping sound and Lip had to hold his breath before he accidentally gasped out loud. Did his little brother really just smack Mickey Milkovich's ass? Ugh. The voices became pants of breath and whispers until they stopped altogether. Lip heard a noise behind him and realized Carl was headed his way. With another held breath he crept quietly onto the upstairs landing and turned, with the intention of closing the bedroom door.
The sight that met him nearly sent him reeling backwards down the stairs. Ian was on his back, large hands gripping Mickey around the waist as he guided him up and down on his cock. Neither man was looking at the door. They were too lost in each other. Lip couldn't believe what he was seeing. Mickey Milkovich, the mythical gay unicorn, was riding Ian's dick like a pro. Mickey Milkovich was a bottom? Lip was pretty sure he'd never get over that surprise. With a quick and quiet movement he closed the door just in time to intercept Carl on the stairs.
"Best give them a few minutes." He advised and Carl rolled his eyes.
"They fucking again?"
"Again?"
"They think I don't know but I'm not stupid. They go at it every day." Carl snorted.
Lip chuckled. "Good for Ian, I guess."
(iv)
The fourth time Lip could've been knocked down by a feather was because of Ian. Again. Ian and Mickey. Mickey and Ian. Their crazy relationship had been on and off for a long time. Most of the issues stemmed from Mickey's inability to be out and proud. Ian had been spiralling for a while and suddenly his mania was out of control. What they had collectively tried to ignore and write off as Ian's quirky personality had come back to bite them on the ass and now he was out there somewhere with baby Yev. Mickey was going out of his mind with fear. He'd only just started to accept the kid wasn't going anywhere and Lip had seen him actually seem alright about him being around. Lip knew Ian loved Yev but bipolar mania didn't make him the best person for an impromptu road trip. When they got the call from the police they raced to Ian. Lip stood alongside Mickey when the sergeant told them the situation. Mickey confirmed Yev was his baby and the sergeant's face made it clear he had no idea what the fuck was going on here.
"And who are you in relation to Mr Gallagher?"
Without missing a beat Mickey fixed the sergeant with a wide eyed stare.
"Partner. Lover. You know. Family."
Lip heard his words and gripped the counter tightly. Closeted Mickey wasn't a thing anymore but to hear him blurt out his true feelings for Ian was enough to make Lip's knees weak. Would this guy ever stop surprising him? Lip sighed loudly, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Mickey would probably always be the reason for all the times Lip was truly shocked by something but at least now he could recognize it was usually a good surprise.
(v)
The last time it happened Lip wasn't sure he'd ever recover. He'd had a long time to get used to the fact that Ian and Mickey were for keeps and he was settled with the idea. They seemed happy, in their own weird way that involved arguing over stupid shit and banging like teenagers every damn day. The two men in question were now hitting their thirties and doing alright. That was until one night when Lip walked into the Alibi looking for Ian and found him in the middle of a war zone with Mickey. He halted in the doorway and stared at the verbal assault taking place in front of him.
"I told you already Mick! I'm not interested in the guy!" Ian yelled.
"Oh really?" Mickey spat. "That's why you're all over his Facebook huh? Ian this and Ian that..."
"That's not ME doing it! Listen to yourself. You're acting crazy!" Ian blasted.
"I'm acting crazy cuz I hate the thought of my boyfriend fucking around? Sure. Go fuck yourself!"
Ian threw out his arms, palms to the ceiling and glared at his boyfriend. "You are being so fucking dense! Why would I want Luca? I've got you!"
"Luca! I mean come on! What kind of a name is that?"
"It's Italian. As you very well know."
Mickey snarled at Ian. "You and Luca should go find yourselves someplace to be alone right now."
"Fuck Mickey!" Ian shrieked. "You are impossible! What can I do to prove to you that there's nothing to worry about? Not with Luca. Not with anyone!"
"Shut the fuck up and marry me." Mickey snapped back and then froze on the spot when his brain caught up to his mouth.
Ian was rigid, staring at Mickey. "What?"
Mickey swallowed down whatever panic was brewing in his chest cavity and narrowed his eyes. "You heard me. Marry me."
Lip was rooted to the spot as his heart thudded in his chest. Never in a million years did he have Mickey down to propose at any point. He was always so vocal about how shit his first attempt at marriage was that nobody even suspected this day might come.
Ian scoffed loudly. "Fuck off. You're only saying that because you're a jealous fuck."
Mickey shook his head. "No. I'm not. I mean, I am jealous, but that's not why I'm asking. I want to marry you."
Ian frowned. "But why? You've never wanted to before."
This time Mickey scoffed. "Of course I wanted to, Firecrotch."
Lip felt his stomach churn at the sound of his brother's nickname. It made his whole body shudder.
"I just had PTSD so bad from the first time I didn't know if I could go through with it. Whether I wanted to or not." Mickey added.
"So what's changed Mick?" Ian pressed.
"I have." He shrugged in reply. "Dr Moses thinks I'm doing good enough to move on with shit. That's what I'm doing. Moving on and making sure fuckface Luca knows who you come home to every night."
Lip caught Kev's eye and mouthed "Dr Moses?" The big man only shrugged back.
"So answer my fucking question." Mickey snapped.
"You haven't asked me shit. You've just stated your demands." Ian rolled his eyes.
Mickey glared at his boyfriend. "You're gonna make me do this? Here?"
Ian shrugged. "Seems appropriate. This is where you told the whole of Chicago you're "fucking gay" after all." He did the air quotes with his fingers.
"Fine." Mickey gritted his teeth. "Ian, I love you. Will you marry me?"
Ian's face split into a huge grin. "Fuck yeah I will."
Mickey was nearly barrelled over when the redhead charged at him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Cheers and applause rang out in the room and Lip found himself joining in. His little brother was getting married to the mythical unicorn that was Mickey Milkovich, a kid that was nicknamed 'Killer' by his first grade buddies, a man that Lip had seen deliver a beating to men twice his size and the man that Lip once thought wasn't capable of love. It just so happened Lip was completely wrong and Mickey also happened to be the love of Ian's life.
"Congratulations brother." He grinned and hugged Ian tightly when he let Mickey go.
"Thanks Lip." Ian beamed. "You'll be my Best Man, right?"
Lip grinned broadly. "You know it."