Chapter 5: Shot Down the Aisle

I watch as the pair of tributes shake hands. And just like that, I am officially free from the Reaping for the Hunger Games.

It is such a relief, to be 18, to be an adult and to be able to finally get going with life. Indeed, all around me, I watch as free boys now drop to their knees in front of their sweethearts with rings in their hands.

It has become an unofficial tradition in District 12, for 18-year-old boys who have just aged out of the Reaping to propose to their girlfriends. The Peacekeepers have never felt the need to put a damper on such festivities; in fact, most of them find it cute. I know Darius certainly does.

Indeed, here comes my boyfriend of two years now, fitted in his white uniform. He was on duty today, stationed at the edge of the square to keep the peace.

"Hi," I smile, crossing to him and we share a chaste peck on the lips. "Did you patrol go well?"

He beams. "All quiet, nothing to report." His voice drops to a low whisper. "I wanted to talk to you. Is there a good place, someplace we can go that's private?" He glances around. "I don't really want to have this conversation out in the street."

Wordlessly, I nod. I try to think. I could take him home, but Prim, Aven and my mother will there. I'd suggest the Hob, but it's going to get busy once vendors return to their stalls. But I need to get inside. I'm fighting off heat exhaustion. The last thing I need is more time standing around outside, especially now that the sun is at high noon. "There isn't any place," I tell him after a few long moments.

His face falls and he bites his lower lip. "Damn." He lets out a sigh. "I suppose we can go to my house."

"You have a house? I thought you lived in the barracks."

"I did." He fiddles with his gloves, looking everywhere but right at me. "Not anymore, after my promotion, and when you reach a certain rank, they don't let you live with the other Peacekeepers. 'Cause it promotes fraternization or some such bullshit. So do you want to come over?"

"Okay," I agree. At least it'll be private.

We walk in silence. It's really too hot for casual conversation. I try to figure out just what he wants to talk to me about that's so important, but I come up blank.

By the time we make it to his house, the sun is beating down on our backs and my temple is sweating. Darius motions for me to take a seat at his kitchen table while he putters around the house, trying to find a teakettle. He's nervous, I realize, because if he'd just stop and look, he'd see there's one resting on one of the burners of the stove.

"D-D-D-Dar?"

He turns, a question in his eyes. I point at the teakettle and he lets out a short bark of laughter. "Right. Figures it'd be in plain sight." He doesn't bother trying to continue the conversation, instead filling the kettle, letting the coolness of his house seep into our bones.

While I wait, I take in the space I can see. The whole place feels antiseptic, almost artificial. There's a monotonous sameness to it, and there's absolutely nothing anywhere that gives a hint to who the owner is. No pictures or artwork or personal items, nothing. The house is a blank slate, just waiting for someone to make it a home. Darius can't have lived here long.

A few moments later, Darius sets a steaming mug of tea down in front of me along with a bowl of sugar and pitcher of milk. I stare at them, my mouth watering. I can't remember the last time I was able to take my tea with cream and sugar. I look up at him in surprise. Somewhere along the way, he's removed his helmet and body armor, and he's wearing what looks to be long gray pants and a grayish white sweater.

He smiles at me ruefully and runs one hand through his red hair. "I've always had a bit of a sweet tooth. My brother and I used to sneak out to the sugarcane fields at night and hack off pieces to chew. I realize now how dangerous it was. If we'd gotten caught, we could've been executed. But we were kids and it was sweet." His voice is distant as he shares this memory with me. His smile softens. "So now you know my deep dark secret. I'm a sugar thief."

I can't help it. The way he says it makes me laugh, breaking the tension in the air. I fix my tea the way I prefer: heavy on the cream, heavy on the sugar. Darius hums in approval when I add three lumps to the warm amber liquid. "So what'd you want to talk to me about?" I ask after taking an exploratory sip. The tea is rich and spicy with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg. This is not ordinary tea. I wonder why he's sharing it with me.

Darius sits down across from me, his striking eyes fixed on me. "You know I like you, Katniss."

I nod my head, failing to hide my amusement. Of course I do. It would be pretty hard to miss. He asked me to call him by a nickname and he kept stopping by, bringing me and my family little gifts. The chicken. Saving my mother. Our first kiss, the kiss we shared outside my house. God, he's a damn good kisser….. We've been seeing each other for two years.

Seeing that I'm not going to say anything, Darius soldiers on. "I don't want to scare you, that's the last thing I want to do, but I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. Real feelings. And now I'm in a position where I can do something about it."

I frown. "I don't know what you mean."

"It's kind of complicated, but you know Peacekeepers aren't allowed to marry?"

I nod. I remember Darius mentioned it before, but I haven't really given much thought to it. I've had more important things to worry about.

"Well, if I thought you'd say yes, and if I thought they'd allow it, I'd do the right thing and marry you." He stares down into his mug. "But I can't."

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing.

"But I can offer you the next best thing. I care about you, Katniss. Love you, even. And I can see you're struggling. If I could just give you the money outright, I would." He stirs his finger in the rich brown liquid. "But the Capitol doesn't allow that either."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

His eyes meet mine. "I want you to be my life partner."

"...Life partner?"

His cheeks flush tomato red, but he doesn't look away. "It's not as seedy as it sounds. You'd be my companion and lover while I'm deployed here. In return, I can offer you a stipend, even a place to live if you want it."

"Where?"

He looks down into his tea again. "Here. With me. You could even bring your family if you want, there's plenty of room."

My brain can't process this, so I stare at him, my tea growing cold on the table in front of me. "How… how…" I shake my head. "How long would this be for?"

"At least five years. Could be as long as nineteen."

I take a huge gulp to cover my shock. That's longer than I've even been alive. By the time our arrangement would be over, I'd be too old to start a family.

As if he's picked up on my thoughts, Darius continues. "I know that's a long time, and I'm not asking you to commit to anything you're not willing to."

"What about children?" Condoms don't work perfectly to prevent pregnancy, and that's if he's even willing to use them. I've helped my mother enough to know that. If I continue to be his lover for nineteen years, children are almost guaranteed.

I want children. But I want a husband too.

"You mean, our children?" He's unable to cover the little smile that forms when he says those words. "I'd support them, of course. They'd never have to take out tesserae, I'd make sure of that. We don't have to have them if you don't want to, that's your choice. But if you did…" The blush intensifies. "I wouldn't mind. I've always wanted a big family."

I shake my head. "I don't know what to say."

He tilts his head. "You haven't asked me about money yet. I expected that'd be the first thing you'd want to know."

He's right. I haven't. It should've been the first thing on my mind, but I've just been so blindsided by the offer that I haven't asked the most important question. "How much are you offering?"

"If you didn't want to live with me, it'd be seventy five a month."

"And if I did?"

"Well, assuming you brought your whole family with you, I'd only be able to pay you fifty. But I'd cover everything else, like food and clothes and medicine, for all of you."

That's actually a better deal. If I lived with him, I wouldn't have any expenses and I'd be able to put away a huge nest egg, so when Darius's deployment did end, I wouldn't have to work in the mines unless I wanted to.

But no one gets fifty coin a month for doing nothing. "What would I be expected to do?"

"You'd be my housekeeper and this place," he gestures around the white-walled room, "would be yours to decorate how you want. You'd get to decide what we do and what we eat. And at night, we'd curl up together and… sleep."

"Just sleep?" That seems like a lot of money just to get someone to cuddle with.

"That'd be up to you too. Eventually, I'd like to make love with you, but I don't expect it right away." He pauses, choosing his words carefully. "You've… gone through so much. Had to do so much. You're the strongest person I know, Katniss, that's what I admire so much about you. But everyone's got a breaking point. And the last thing I want is for me to be that pebble that sends you careening off the cliff."

I'm grateful he isn't pushing me now, but I don't know when I'll be ready to have sex. Especially with a Peacekeeper. I like Darius. Love him. Any girl would be a fool not to take his offer in a heartbeat, even with the downsides.

Even as I was half-expecting it, his proposal nonetheless shocks me. I don't answer for a long time as I think it all over, weighing all the Pros and Cons in my head. Marrying a Peacekeeper, even a Deputy Head like Darius, is exactly the kind of economic security that my family needs, that Mother would seek for me. For a poor young Seam woman like me, there are only a few options for advancing above my station. One would have been to become a Victor of the Hunger Games (a feat that District 12 has only accomplished twice in the last 76 years, and only once by a woman). More than this, I would be the wife of a Capitol official, guaranteeing for me a level of safety that the rest of the district could only dream of. There would be no hassle in being assigned a house, as all couples must go through when getting married at the Justice Building.

However, every Pro has a Con to go with it. Darius said that he could pay me fifty a month if my family and I lived with him. And if what I have seen of the accommodations in the Barracks is any indication, I highly doubt that his officer's stipend could sustain two people, especially a husband and a wife, much less his wife's family. Besides, my trades are mostly conducted through barter; rarely am I paid coins for my kills, so I would not add to Darius's income in any meaningful way. Yes, marriage to a Peacekeeper would grant me safety, but what kind of safety is left out of my control. On the one hand, it could mean my ability to conduct my illegal hunts and trading with absolutely no fear of repercussions. On the other hand, a status as a Peacekeeper's spouse could add an extra level of scrutiny that would make such hunts all but impossible.

Then there is the issue of the Barracks. Darius may have his own house, but the Peacekeepers still practice communal living. Theirs is a militarized lifestyle with relatively few opportunities for romance or sex. Marriage for them is forbidden by higher-ups in the ranks, so most cadets abstain from marriage in favor of illegitimate couplings that more often than not result in bastard children without fathers. To have a woman in their midst, even if I would be the spoken-for wife of one of their own, would not prevent Darius's comrades from trying to have their own way with me. I may be able to one day submit to being a wife, but I would be a faithful wife. Not a trophy wife and definitely not a sex toy to be passed around or otherwise change hands. Ultimately, I would be in close proximity as a form of temptation for other men, and have little privacy outside of Darius's one abode. Perhaps not even that.

Then there are the Unknowns. Would Darius expect me to sleep with him? Surely yes; it's what spouses do. And the proposition of sex has never excited me before. Besides, sex - especially the unprotected kind - often leads to babies. Babies who grow into children who are Reaped for arenas to die. Would Darius want children? He would be free to pursue fatherhood with me – Peacekeepers must be celibate, not abstinent. Before Darius, I had never wanted children or to become a mother, for fear of losing them to the Reaping. What if Darius were reassigned to another district? If I were his wife, I would feel compelled to go with him to wherever a new commission might take him, thus leaving behind my homeland and my family. Even then, would I be allowed to accompany my husband to a new assignment? I don't know. What other difficulties would come from marrying a foreigner? For Darius is not from District 12, and our people take great pride in marrying one of our own kind, right down to class. Even marriages just between Merchant and Seam - like my parents' - are rare and frowned upon. Would I be seen even more differently in taking a husband who hails from one of the Career districts?

As I am thinking all this, I have been absent-mindedly running my fingers through Darius's hair, sizing him up. I gaze into his deep sea-green eyes. Finally, I give him a hopeful smile.

"Yes," I whisper.

Darius beams, and tugs my hand so that I stand up from my chair. He pulls me into his lap, so that I am straddling him across his hips. My eyes go wide, and I falter, feeling a little shy. His one big paw of a hand then reaches up to caress my face, tucking my brown hair back behind my ear. I lean into the touch, smiling, and we gaze into each other's eyes.

We lean closer. My palms are pressed deep into his chest, and Darius's cradle my face. Our eyelids grow heavy. Finally, they droop shut as Darius and I close the gap and seal the promise of our engagement with another passionate kiss.

My arms instantly go about him, my hands gripping the head of his chair. I feel Darius's own palms splay across my back, tangle themselves into the braid of my hair. I part my lips wide for him, welcoming his tongue and we deepen the kiss.

Just then, I feel something rise beneath me, pushing up from Darius's lap. I gasp, my mouth filled with tongue, when I realize that it is Darius's erection, straining against his pants. Suddenly, I surprise even myself when I wiggle my bottom against the clear evidence of his want for me. I actually rut against him, groaning loudly, thrusting my hips into his pelvis, so that he eagerly grinds against me in return.

Before we can rip each other's clothes off and make love right in that chair, Darius and I get a hold of ourselves and we break the kiss, gasping. We can talk about having sex later. Right now, we have a wedding to plan.

It is too expensive to rent a white dress in Twelve. Only the Merchants can afford that. When my Mother left her privileged upbringing to marry my father, she did not have the bravery to smuggle her family's wedding dress away to pass down to her daughters after her.

That doesn't matter to me. I will get married in my blue Reaping dress - the nicest article of clothing I own - and be just fine. Mother, pleased that I am to wed, does up my hair for me in the mirror. Prim will be my bridesmaid.

We inconspicuously hike across town to Darius's new house just off the Peacekeeper Barracks. He has recently been promoted, to Deputy under Cray; I felt so proud when he told me.

There is no white dress, but Darius does not seem to mind. No signing of the papers in the Justice Building, or commissioning of a house. Just we two, with my mother, sister and brother as witnesses. And just the feeling in our hearts.

I show Darius how to bake the pieces of bread over the fire, as is the District 12 marriage custom, and we perform our Toasting. Splitting the piece, we share it, both of us stingy enough to not waste one crumb. Then, tilting my head, my Seam grey orbs dancing in the firelight, I permit my new husband to kiss me. He ravishes my mouth with his, and I leap into his arms, folding my limbs about him. Primrose and Mother dutifully applaud. Aven lets out a happy screech, even if he is too young to understand what's going on.

Now able to afford the amenities, Darius shows my family to their rooms. Then, sweeping me off my feet, he carries me up the stairs and across the threshold to our room, laying my down in our marriage bed. And when he kisses me furiously, I kiss him back with just as much fire, and tear at the plates of his uniform. My spouse undresses me tenderly, shimmying me out of my blue dress. I unlatch my bra and let the lingerie fall away, so that Darius can see my breasts. My panties silkily slide down my thighs to my ankles, but the fabric doesn't constrain me from spreading my legs wide and letting the man I have married slide in between them.

Grey eyes locking with sea-green ones, I guide Darius to my dripping wet entrance. If there is any time for us to have sex, it is now. It is what is done between a husband and a wife on their wedding night.

Slowly, Darius pushes into me. I let out a tiny whine at the pain, and he stops like a gentleman. After a moment, at my nod, he starts again, pushing all the way into my core down to the hilt. He pulls out. Then he slides back in, more assuredly this time. Gradually, the motion builds up to a thrust with a rhythm. Moaning, I rock my hips up to meet his. I can feel, hear our bed, creaking and swaying beneath us.

"Hmmm... Mmmm... Muhhhhh... Uhhhhhh... Guhhhh... Oh my God... Ohhhhhhh my God... Dar..." I cry out.

Darius grunts as he picks up the pace, pounding into me faster. "You're so tight... you're so beautiful... Katniss..."

"D... Darius... Oh my Goddddddddd..." I wail. Folding my legs about him, digging my heels into his buttocks, I buck against him faster, egging him on. "Darius... please... I - I love you!"

These last words are pulled from me like water cascading from my lips, as I orgasm all around my husband with a sigh. Darius slams into me once, twice more before spurting his juices deep inside of me. He collapses on top of me with a ecstatic groan, and he moves no more.

Kissing his cheek, then his lips, gently, I hold him, running my fingers through his long red hair as I fall asleep beneath him.