A/N- I will only upload when I have time but upload at least twice a week, unless I go to vacation or something. I don't know how long I intend for this to last, but I hope it at least goes through Shippuden. As for right now I'd say that it's going to take time to proofread on my own. Also some stuff may be inaccurate but it's all for a good cause. That good cause is my story. PM me for grammar errors! Also I forget this quite a lot. I do not own Naruto.
9 months later
Not much actually happened besides Minato not being Hokage because Dan is still alive. You see, Dan single handedly ended the war by going to the enemy as a diplomat and holding the three Kage hostage all on his own. The three Kage couldn't do shit to him and they all signed the treaty. Which is good because now Minato can pay full attention to his wife. That is bad for Kushina because she was confined to bed ever since month one with Minato putting s grants to shame. Obito became robocop. Kind of...he's more like ninja cop, since he is now in the Uchiha police force. Which is no longer named that because the Hyuga clan is allowed in there now in an attempt for the two clans to have good relations. It's now called the 'Konoha joint clan Police force.' Short for don't fuck with clans unless you want to get fucked over. Rin is not a medic ninja because the turtle inside her gut is giving her too much chakra resulting in shit chakra control. So she has decided to become a good 'human sacrifice' that spams jutsu over and over. Kakashi became an ANBU that just watches Kushina because Kushina is a fucking jinchuriki that needs protection. Miyuki and I kept dating this whole time and we still will be for a while...yeah don't know how the fuck to move along the relationship so I'll wait for another chance or opportunity. Anyways, Kushina is supposed to be due today and we are all accompanying her due to the fact that some retards would want to attempt to fuck over the village. Namely the loser trio of the war that we fucked over hard and made sure their financial situation is so shit, they regret starting war in the first place.
"Minato, I'm going to start setting up the barrier. Does everyone have everything they need?"
"Yes we do! Begin barrier installation."
"Concealment barrier, activated. Sensory barrier in a 5 km radius, activated. No foreign chakra signatures detected. Hokage style four corner barrier style, activated. Chakra canceling sealing barrier outside of Hokage style four corner barrier style, activated. Four Kage level ninja in case things go shit? Check. All preparations complete."
"Good job Kai. Now tell me who counts as Kage level."
"Me, you, Dan, and Lord third."
"Meh, good enough."
"AHHHHHH! WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO GET PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAYS?!"
"Well, hold her hand Minato. That way she can relieve some pain somewhere."
"I'm ending up with a broken hand...absolutely great." Minato winces from the pain of a broken wrist. We all laugh at him only for a baby's cry to break our laughing. Suddenly the barrier sensed something or someone with malicious intent.
"KAGE LEVEL SHINOBI INCOMING!"
"Fuck!"
"Damn it!"
"I'll teleport since Minato is incapacitated at the moment." I say and teleport. At the scene I find a old looking man.
"Hehehe...so this is what the yellow flash of the leaf is having his wife go into labor."
"SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Shit! No you weren't supposed to be here! You were supposed to be spying on us!"
"It's all over Iwa Tsuchikage. That mission, was to eliminate a traitor that was on our side. Now you will die."
"Oh really? How, when the fight hasn't even started? Particle Sty—" My Seal activates while he is preparing to fire his jutsu. I seal all his chakra and find a sharingan on his leg. It seems like he knows about the Izanagi and must have killed an Uchiha in the war. I then proceed to cut off various parts of his chakra system which makes it so he can never wield chakra again. I take the eye out and put it inside a bottle. Then, I seal him inside of a scroll alive where he will suffer torture until he is ready for interrogation. I cancel the seal and teleport back. I swear this thing is a cheat and it's growing fucking old.
"Target has been eliminated."
"Good job, who was he?" The third Hokage inquired.
"The Tsuchikage. I made sure he can never wield chakra again."
"That's ruthless." Dan said.
"Not as ruthless as what your daughter subjects me into when she is angry, Lord Fourth."
"My apologies. I didn't believe she would hang you by the legs on the village gate for a whole day until I found you." He says while sweatdropping.
"My reputation has already been destroyed countless times Lord Fourth. A few times by your own wife."
"I really do need to apologize to you more than I have already, don't I?"
"It's all good."
"By the way, how's your relationship with my daughter going? I'm growing old and will have to pass the hat to Minato soon. Or at least for another 15 years when I reach my 50s and retire like Lord Third."
"Well, it's going great! Unfortunately right now I don't know how to propose to her."
"Just tell her directly. Unlike how you told her through a letter the first time, she always complained about you asking her out like that."
"Probably will have to."
"Yeah, you sure will. Or just end up seriously injured and ask her to marry you then when she is desperately taking care of you."
"That's...never good but whatever let's see how it turns out."
Everyone's attention was brought to Naruto who is still an infant. He looks exactly the same as the anime. He isn't really crying and oh fuck there's an army outside the barrier!
"Was the village attacked? There's an army all around us!"
"Impossible! I would have been notified through the seal." Dan said while checking his ANBU seal.
"I'll go check it out!"
I teleport and find chaos. At the very least all civilians were evacuated. The ninja are fighting Iwa ninja right about now but we are dominating overwhelmingly because it is just a bunch of genin we are killing.
"Well shit! This is unexpected." I teleport back and say "Iwa attempted to invade with genin. We are dominating. I'm teleporting outside the seal where all their Jonin and chunin are at."
"What the fuck! Teleport me back to the village!"
"Yes Lord Fourth!" I teleport Dan and then I teleport myself outside the barrier where I prepare to kill them all. This time without time and space seal to test myself. I have been abusing the seal and it is time to change and reflect on my life. I want them all to know who murdered them and how so they have a bigger reason to fear me and never involve themselves with the Hidden Leaf Village. They must think I'm nothing without my jutsu that allows me to kill them all instantly. I teleport and kill one immediately and they instantly charge. I ready my taijutsu stance and charge through them all. I get stabbed through my hand. There's a hole in my palm now but i still charge through while ignoring the pain. I blast that dudes head off while sticking explosive tags on and tossing it. More Jonin died and more ninja are injured. I keep fighting through them all. Kunai embed into my back. Jutsu are being fired at me. I teleport and kill the jutsu launchers. A smoke screen goes up and I am blindly fighting. Jumping back I stab someone through the throat and launch his body at someone shooting a fire jutsu. He cancels it in order to preserve his comrades own body. Someone hits me with a genjutsu, I am now drunk but I quickly release the genjutsu. This gave someone enough time to stab me through my chest. Luckily I dodged some vital organs. I grab the sword he used with my hands, pull it towards me, and slice down enemy's until the sword got broken with an earth jutsu. I use wind chakra to cut through the stone and the man on the other side. Explosive tags go off around me. I substitute with a body just in time. I still suffer some burns but it is all fine. I hope at the very least. Time to keep fighting an army.
6 hours later of pure fighting
The last enemy has a kunai stuck in his throat. I...am covered in Kunai and blood is dripping from a lot of places in my body. A chunin runs away to inform his comrades, but he has been shaken up so damn much he will most likely give up fighting. Well...based on his chakra flaring up in pure fear. The fight is over. It looks like I got thrown in a boiling blood bath. Which is why I am burned as well. I carefully remove the Kunai on my body. The barrier is turned off and Miyuki comes running out of there only to see me. I am still standing in a pool of my own blood while barely conscious due to blood loss and pure willpower. Kushina comes out with her child and sees me while having a face of pure horror. Miyuki runs to me crying and says
"What did you do to yourself? Why did you have to get injured?!"
"Being stupid and reckless. I wanted to test myself without using the time stop seal which by the way ran out of chakra while dealing with the Kage because of a weakness it has. When I use it, it doesn't matter if I use the whole duration or just part of it. It uses all the chakra in there."
"You still shouldn't have fought for six hours straight and disregard any injuries."
"Oh shit, I didn't know I was fighting this long. It's fine. I'll be fine." Miyuki is bursting into tears and that's starting to get to me.
"It's not fine. You could have died."
"I have something for you." I get on one knee and pull something out of my pocket.
"Would you marry me?" She seriously blushes at my question and...
"Why are you doing this to ME!? Of course I accept you idiot, but you could have done this some other time! Not when you are dying and barely hanging on."
"Well then better start healing me...I'm going unconscious from blood loss." I go unconscious while faintly hearing Tsunade and Miyuki trying to keep me conscious.
One week Later
I wake up while seeing I'm chained to the bed. Miyuki is sleeping in a makeshift bed while having a chakra suppression seal on her hand. Ready for when I wake up...I have to escape. At that instant she wakes up and sees I'm about to escape.
"Going somewhere?"
"No...possibly...maybe...yeah." She hit me with the chakra surpression seal making it so I can't do anything.
"If you try to escape our marriage is canceled."
"Yes mam! I won't escape even if the chakra surpression seal is off."
"Now that's good to hear. Now that we are engaged we can bring our relationship to the next level..."
"Well that's good and stuff but, we can't do it here when there is a possibility of other people coming."
"Oh? Don't worry. I set up seals so we are ready to do it."
So our very intense make out session ended in her moaning and both of us blushing at the end. All in all, I feel like I accomplished something in my life and that I can die without regrets.
"Kai...you used birth control right?"
"Yes...you cant get pregnant yet! Not when we aren't even married and living together."
"Ok good! I totally forgot to use mine."
"That was unexpected! You usually never forget stuff! Reclothe so we can let some visitors in and let's clean this all up."
"I'll do that Kai! I was prepared before hand."
"Alright then. I'll pretend to still be unconscious and wake up when they are all in."
"Seriously Kai?"
"Yes."
I use a jutsu that makes me go 'unconscious' and 'wake up' when everyone is around me. Everyone screams out Kai in unison making me answer like this:
"Oh good morning, or good afternoon, or good night. Honestly no one cares. So, was the invasion dealt with minor casualties on our side yesterday?"
"Yes Kai it was. And it wasn't yesterday, it was a week ago."
"..."
"You guys should've woken me up."
"Nope!" They all said in unison. It's like they practiced this...
"Did you all practice saying no at the same time without hesitation?"
"Nope!" Some of them like Kushina and Kakashi were giggling. My eye narrows...
"You're all lying!"
"Nope!" Again huh? Now even Minato has a smile breaking in. Well, time to test the ultimate one.
"Can I get out? I already feel sore from being chained or whatever."
"FUCK NO!" What the hell?! There is no way they didn't practice this! They have the same pitch, tone, expression, and hand movements! That's bullshit!
"Aha! So you guys did practice this! How dare you plot against me!" They all sweatdrop, excluding Naruto who doesn't understand, at me saying I was set up. Naruto starts crying and Kushina leaves to feed him or whatever babies need/do.
"So, how long will I be in here?"
"2 more weeks." Tsunade says without even flinching.
"...This is worse than torture. Lord Hokage, throw me into interrogation now for burning your Icha Icha books."
"THAT WAS YOU?! ANBU THROW HIM INTO TI RIGHT NOW!" The ANBU promptly show up until Tsunade bitch slaps them across the room. She has a bulging vein flowing through her while seriously blushing.
"Dan...do that and I will file for divorce now. We will talk about this later..." Dan goes on his knees and starts bowing down to Tsunade while asking for forgiveness. It's incredible that a Hokage can do this so easily. The ANBU are still on the floor out COLD! How are they ANBU honestly? And so 3 painful weeks pass by with Dan screwing me over pretty badly everyday. He did something like eating 5 star restaurant food while I was stuck eating shit hospital food. Sometimes he would tie me all up with chains and have little kids come and 'torture' me. They would jump, punch, DRAW, etc. But due to Miyuki's threat, I couldn't escape. I feel like they knew this so everyone kept pulling jokes and pranks on me without remorse for some reason. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL DID I DO?! All I did was almost die, but every ninja goes through that.
Uhm...yeah this chapter took a while cause I was busy...being at a place with no internet...hahaha whoops. There might be errors. So just spam my pm and I'll fix it.